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*^G8m?9M r ? THE TRIBUNE v.-r V >- . r . . + VOL. I.--NO. 24. BEAUFORT, S. .. MAY 5. 1875. $2.00 PER ANNUM. ' How I'Lost My Heart. To tell yon just liow I lost it, Ob, that wore a diflicult task ; How the thing got away on that autumn day I never stopped to atk. Perhaps 'twas a glauce that did it, A soft carees to my hair, A close warm grasp, or a gentle clasp, That captured it then and there. You see, there aro things you can govern, "' But hearts have a way of their own ; Like birds they fly, and you oan't tell why? You only miss thom when gone. Aud why I don't tell the story, If tlio reason you really must learn, Is, though life grow bright with a rosy light, Yet I won no heart in return. Somebody's eyes were gentle aud kind, And his voice was soft and low ; But the heart I wanted was given away Ever so long ago. Ai\d so, while I*solaco a lonely life With a cat and a cup of tea, 8omobody s arm is round his wife And her baby is on his kfico. Anil tlie Iohh I met with reunite in this, That mine is a lonely part; You can't for your life make a loving wife, Of a woman without a heart. Another head rests on tho manly breast That I wanted to thelter me ; Some other fair faco has won my place, So no man's wife I'll. be. But compensation's a law of life, And though trials tho gods will send, I've no one to scold when his beefsteak's cold, And no small stockings to mend. So that the love that is lost I uover regret, Whon I think what nly troubles might be : Wiiou dinner is late I smilo at fate. And nobody storms at me. THE PRAIRIE FIRE. The round golden aun rose slowly up into tlie gray morning sky ; long, very long before the first dim streaks of dawn had. stolen in through the fissures in the rude canvas tent, Horace Gray and his { young wife, Gertrude, were up aud doing. Only the first night of their stay in their new Western home had passed, and thcr9 was much for them to accom pan ere me sun went uown again. They had brought only a few of the most necessary articles of household furniture with them; and Horace was to return that day to a rude settlement miles away, to bring the remainder. Such was their haste tliat no fire was kiniUed, and the remnants of. the last night's supper sufficed for their simple breakfast. In a few moments the horses were harnessed and waiting, and then Horace Gray came back to bid his wife good-bye ere he started. Softly stealing his arm round her slender waist, he gently drew her towards the tent-door, where they could gaze upon the magnificent prospect around them. Away in the distance as far as the oye could reach, containing acres upon acres, stretched the wide, rich prairie, covered with long, tangled grass, crisped and browned by the October frosts, rippling gently in the soft zepliyr-liko winds which played through it like tlio blue waves of the great ocean which stretched so many weary leagues away, over the tops of the Ereat trees which bordered the western orizou. Opposite them, not many hundred yards away, ran and sparkled a little rill, dancing joyously in the glad morning sunbeams, curving partly round the tent, and pnrting just below it only to unite a few feet beyond, leaving a little miniature island of fairy-like beauty and proportions, around which the low murmuring of the waters mode perpetual music. On the left hand, for away in the dis tant .Cft&t, stretched a long growth of heavy woodland, now crusted with the autumn gold, as if aping the rich western sunset, seeming to mingle its billowy foliage with the dim, gray sky which* bounded the distant horizon. In the north, behind the tent, only the great grass-grown pmirio rolled -away as far as the eye could reach, covered with the lights anil shadows of an October morning, gemmed uow and tlien by the few gorgeons autumnal flowers which the frost hod' left untouched, and which gleamed richly forth in the mazy depths of the brown; tall trees. Horace Gray gazed long and curiously at this truly magnificent scene ; and then bending tenderly over the slight form of his delicate ypung wife, he said, earnestly: "I hate'not yet asked my Qerty how rw*ll She likes her new home." Those words, were spoken anxiously, and the speaker's voice trembled a very little ; but the young wife looked up with a bright,.cheerful smile upon her face,as she said, enthusiastically: " There isno need of it,.Horace-; I love it already. I little thought, whenJE left my dear Eastern hdme, to what a fairv land you were taking mb. *'' I 'know I. shall be -perfectlyoontented httfe, with this .lovely scene spread .pjut forever before me. Only see," she continued, licr sweet, girlish face lighting hp lhore and more, " what a soft, beautiful sky stretches above us, and what a ?nlon.liJ How gorgeous -is the 'coloring of these late flowirs.; how. Boft and billowy tho prairie looks;*h6W"grand and solemn those dark old .woods .yonder ; and how sweet and peaceful that little rill which meanders along so joyously 1 Oh, my Horace ! will we not be happy here ?" She lifted her eyes confidingly to her hnsband's face, as she conoluded speaking, and with a glad,, happy heart ho clasped her Tigain and again tenderly to his bosom. "DearGerty, he said, earnestly, "I have bo often feared that you would droop and pine in this lonely plaoe, that It makes me rery happy to hear you speak thus. I nm very glad that you think you shall like your new home." " Feared that I should pine, and you with me, Horaeo?" she said, reproachfully. " But you have ever before been surrounded by so many true, sincere friends," he answered. " Of whom my husbund was the truest and the best! No, no, I never can be lonely with yon." "But I know you must sometimes sigh for the loved ones you have left behind," her husband answered. "Do you think I shall be sufficient for you then ? Will you not mourn for the sound of other voices, and your heart thirst for other love than mine?" He bent his head slightly forward, and looked earnestly, almost anxiously, iuto her face. "Horace," she answered, truthfully, " when I promised to become your wife, I knew full well all that I must forsake in coming hero with you; yet I came. I knew it must be years" before the sight of father, mother, sister, or brother would gladden my eyes; yet I gave 111"* fnr nnn wlin a1w\lll<1 Kn nmvn than all of these. I catnfe hero with a full knowledgo of the step I was hiking, and do not now, and am sure I never shall, regret it. That I should mourn for those I have left sometimes, is only natural; but were it you, instead of them, from whom I was parted, then my grief would be much the greater. This parting I can bear, but I could not that." And she nestled both of her small white hands trustingly into his. " Then you love and value me more than all of these, my Gerty-?" he asked, joyfully. "Ay, "more than the whole wide, wide world besides," was answered, earnestly. Again he clasped her fondly to his heart, and, upon releasing her, said: " See, Gerty, the sun is gaining upon us while wo stand here talking, and the horses begin to grow impatient. I must away now, if I would return to you before sunset. Are you sure you shall not be afraid to stay alone in my absence ?" " Oh, yes!" she answered, cheerfully. " I am going to be your brave little wife, you know. Besides, I must accustom myself to being alone, and this will bo a nice time to begin." " I am very glad that you are so light-hearted about it, for I shall go away the happier. There, kiss me once ! jnow good-bye !" And lie jumped lightly into the heavy wagon. " You will be at home before dark, won't you, Horace ?" "Yes, love!" And the whip cracked about the ears of the impatient horses, and with many a backward glance, Horace Grey, sped along on hie journey. Gertrude shed a few quiet tears, which were soon brushed away, as he disappeared in the tall prairie grass far away to the eastward; and, then, with a light laugh, humming a gay tune, she culled a handful of the choicest of the late flowers blooming around, and then re- j turned slowly to the tent. Once there, she began to arrange the few household utensils which had already arrived, in perfect order, against her husband's return. They cousisted of only a plain pine table, two chairs, a rude camp bed, and a few smaller articles; and, therefore, in a very'few moments they were. arranged to suit her. Some of tlier flowers which she had gathered, she placed in a broken pitcher upon ttie table, and the rest were woven into a light wreath, that she hung over the tent door. This done, to keep her thoughts from dwelling too much upon her loneliness, she drew a book from her pocket and commenced to read. Becoming interested, at.last, the hours flew by unheeded, until at length she was aroused to a sense of her situation by a peculiar, smoky smell, which impregnated the air of the tent., ltising from her seat, she went hastily towards the door and looked out. The sky all around seemed .tilled by a thick, dark vapor, and the air felt hot and oppressive, while a peculiar, sound came from the northward, With a horrible, sickening fear struggling in her heart, she sprang out away from the tent, and giving a single glance in the direction from whence it.canje, staggered suddenly forward, with her hands pressed ' tightly over a still, ghastly face, from whence every particle of color had fled, leaving it liko the snowdrift. In that glance, a terrible truth, which mode her brain dizzy and I Uaw oi/ilr ? uui ucuib niv a, iiwi UCCll 1U1UU11 U|)OIl Ill'I". Far away to the northward the whole wide pnurie was on tire, and ' lik6 the tempest-tossed wayes of the ocean, the mad flames were leaping over the dry, tangled prairie grass towards per, like ravenous monsters eager for their prey. "Great God!" slio gasped, faintly, " Thon art all-powerful; oh, save me for my Horace's sake !" At this thought of her husband, renewed strength came to the sinking form of the young wife, and she resolved to struggle yet resolutely for life, if it were only for his sake. Suddenly, like a half-forgotton dream, there dawned upon her confused brain the remembrance of something her husband had told her long before, and which she had never thought- of afterwards until thon. " I will try, V .she eried, eagerly. " Ho said a counter-tire was the best course any one could pursue in such a situation. Heaven must have sent that thought." She sprang to her feet, and entered the tent onco more. The tin box was nowhere in sight?her husband must have taken it?and she well knew that there were no matches at hand. One lost hope remained to her; some of the fire Horaoe had made the night before ought be remaining. On that, she felt, rested her life or death, and with trembling hands sho raked over the ashes. Not a single spark rewarded her search. " Lost, lost!" she cried, wringing her j hands; " all hope is lost, and I may as well submit at last ! What an end to all my dreams of happiness ! I must save myself ! I must tind a way soon, for in a few moments it will be too late. Father in heaven, direct me ! Oh, I cannot remain hero to 'je burned alive! It is too horrible !" She sprang out in the thick, stilling ; air. During her absence the tir: laid . : made fearful progress, ami was now almost upon her. As it came roaring j towards her, the dense smoke stifled and ' blinded her; with every sense but a dej sire to escape benumbed and palsied, j she sprang away in the opposite direc tion like a hunted deer. Only once she paused and gazed behind her. The tent j she had just left was on fire, and the ; flames were spreading nfter her. On? on, faster and faster she flew ?still she j could hear the crackling, hissing sound close behind her, nearer and nearer; unJ til the hot air scorched her delicate skin, j It was a terrible race?a race for life and love?which that weak woman ran with the roaring, hungry monster behind her. ; Who would conquer ? Still on she run, her speed increasing, i for the love of life was yet strong, until j something yawned before her. It was a clear, soft-flowing stream of water; and, with a glad cry and a quick bound, she had crossed it. She stood upon the little island?there was water all around her?and, with a grateful heart, she sank wearily upon her knees. But all danger was not ovty. Where she had crossed, the brook was very narrow for several feet in length; and, as alight wind fanned the flames upon the opposite bank, the result was yet doubtful. | But Gertrude's brniu had become clear, her wits more keen, and she was ready for this emergency. With her own weak hands she broke two great branches from a bush which grew close beside her. With one in each hand, she stood calmly up, and watched the progress of the fire. Soon, as she had expected, a stronger gust of wind sent the nearest flames towering far up, until they had crossed the barrier betweerf them, and caught in the dry grass at her feet. But she was fully prepared. For moments, that seemed like ages to her, she fought bravely with the names. At last, she conquered. Her efforts were successful; the tire passed her, but it I left her secure. Tile hot air had burned and blistered upon her face; the smoke had choked and stifled her; but not until it all was passed, and she was again free from ; danger, did her strength utterly give | way. The flames still rolled and biased I around her; but she knew it not. She had fainted. Hours, long, blissful hours rolled on, but still she remained in that death-like swoon. At last a voice sounded over the prairie?a voice that was wont to send the warm blood coursincr tliroucrh everv vein, but now it awoke 110 answering thrill. A moment more, and Horace stood beside her, pressing her light form madly to heart. " Gerty, my wife?my Gerty !" he cried, passionately; " you caunot be dead! I expected to find you a blackened corpse on my return. Heaven lias saved you, and you must live for my sake." " He bathed her face with the water from the brook, but it was long, very long, ere"she exhibited any signs of returning life.* At length she opened her j | eyes wearily. " It is a terrible fire!" she said, faintly. " Oh, Horace, I would I might live to see yon once more !" "I am here, Gerty; don't you sco me?" lie answered, pressing her closer to him. -"The fire has all died away; but, thank God, it. has left you to me, my wife. T care. nothing for the rest, so that my darling is uninjured." For a lopg while she-lay in his arms as weak'and helpless ,as a babe; but after an hour's rest and quiet, her strength was in some degree restored, so that she was able to sit up, and tell her husband calmlv of her Deril aud escunp. With grateful hearts, they sank upon their knees together, anil thanked God for the victory. A few months later, and a neat, taste ful log cabin marked the site of the tent which had been burned; but this time there was no fear that the fire would ever reach it, for the immigrants adopted precautious to prevent it. Destroying Wills.. There is very good reason to suspect, the New York Times says, that numbers of those persons who are supposed to die intestate do not so dio in- fact. In too mauy instances the will hns been destroyed. The temptation offered is too strong to be resisted. There is a bright fire in the grate, and, standing beside it, the tin ler of a will peruses olause after clause only to discover that a sum infinitely less than ho thinks his due has been bequeathed to him. Let him drop the document into the flames, and, under j the assumed intestacy, a handsome slice 1 must be his. The solicitor may, indeed, i produce a duplicate, which can bo en | tered tor probate, and the criminal may ' thus timl nimsolf defeated. But what then? The crime, at all ovents, cannot be brought home to him. It was the opinion of one of those most experienced in testamentary suits tliat this offense is frequently perpetrated. The Newport (Rhode Island) Neivn warns its friends outside the State "that we will not tamely submit to irreverent remarks about our size, for we are large enough to boast of two capitals and four candidates for Governor." Just Like Human Beings. I lmve often amused myself by watch I ing the. inhabitants of a farmyard, and I seeing how the cows have their laws of precedence aud etiquette as clearly defined as.those of any European court. Every cow knows h ;r place ami keeps it; she will not condescend to take a lower, and would not be allowed to take a higher. When a newly bought calf is first introduced to the farmyard, it is treated just like a new boy at school. The previous inhabitants of the yard come and inspect it contemptuously, they decline its society, they crowd it away from the hay racks; ami a new comer in a farmyard has about as much chance of npproaching the rack at feeding-time as a new boy has of getting near the firo on a cold winter day. However, as time goes on, the young calf increases in growth, and is allowed to mix with her companions 011 tolerably equnl terms. Then, if a younger animal than herself be admitted, it is amusing to see with what gratification she bullies the new-comer, and how much higher she seems to rank in her own estimation when she is no longer the juuior. Should the fates be propitious, she arrives at the dignity of being senior cow, and never fails to assert that dignity on every occasion. When the cnttla arc taken out of the yard to their jmanuc ill lll? lliuilllll^, I'UU WUt'Il HIPJ return to it in the evening, she will not allow any one except herself to take the lead. I have heard of one instance where the man in charge of the cows would not allow the "ganger," as the head cow is often called, to go out first. The result was that she refused to go out at all; and, in order to get her out of the yard, the man had to drive all the other cows back again, so that she might take her proper place at their head. Do Not Worry About Yourself. To retain or recover health, persons should be relieved from all anxiety concerning disease. The mind has power over, tlic body, for a person to think he has n disease will often produce that disease. This we see effected when the mind is intensely ooncentrated on the disease of another. It is found iu the hospitals * hat surgeons and physicians who make a specialty of certain diseases are liable to die of them themselves; and the mental strain is so great that sometimes people die of diseases which they have only in imagination. We have seen a person sea-sick in anticipation of a voyage, ere reaching the vessel. We have known persons to die of an imaginary cancer in the stomach, when they had no cancer or any other mortal disease. A blindfolded man, slightly nnnlm.l < !.? ....... I...,. 1 ynvnnu ah bUU 111 111, HUD lUlllt^U UUU died from believing that he was bleeding to death. Therefore, well persons, to remain so, should be cheerful and happy, aud sick persons should have their attention diverted as much as possible from themselves. It is by their faith that men are saved, aud it is bv their faith tliey die. As a man thinketh so is he. If he wills not to die he can often live in spite of disease, and if he has little or no attachment to lifo ho will slip away as easily as a child will fall asleep. Men live by their souls and not by their bodies. Their bodies have 110 life of themselves, they are only receptacles of life?tenements for their souls, and the will has much to do in containing the physical occupancy or giving it up. The Story of a Conductor. Conductors of trains are almost daily annoyed by the presence in the cars of individuals possessed neither of tickets nor money, and who have to be put ashore at the earliest opportunity. A few days since the conductor of an eastward bound train on the other side of the "hill," says a Sacramento paper, found that he had a " deadhead " of this class among his passengers, and three different times stopped the train to put him off. each time giving emphasis to the matter by the application of his boot, but it invariably happened that the undesirable passenger managed to get 011 ooaru nuoui ?is soon as ine conductor. The third time the conductor remained ashore watching the chnp until the train had attained such headway that he felt confident that the deadhead could not get on?in fact, he had to- spring in a lively manner to accomplish it himself ; but as soon as he got straightened upon his feet he found the impecunious riding along with the rest. Somewhat discouraged, the conductor turned to him and inquired: " Where iu biuzes are yon going, anyway?" " Wol^." said the not-to-be-got-nd-of, " I'm going to Chicago, if my pants hold out, but if I'm going to bo kicked every five minutes I don't believe I'll make the trip." The conductor let him ride.Which He Preferred. A New York judge had before him a man named John Bingham,'Vho pleaded guilty to the charge of bigamy, both of the wives being present iu court. His counselor privately cross-examined tho bigamist, but he insisted nooii huvinc a plea of guilty entered. The counsel (addressing the court)? Your lienor, I think this man has hud punishment enough from his two wives, and that should be taken into consideration in passing sentence. Reoorder?Prisoner, which would you rather have tho court do?discliarge you to live with your two wives, or sentence you to State prison for threo years ( Prisoner?Your honor, send me to State prison for mercy's sake 1 Reoorder?I grant your reouest, and send you to State prison for thrco years at hard labor. Nervous Excitement. One dreadful form of nervous excitement very prevalent among all classes of society is that which is commonly culled "dipsomania." A weak tendency to drink becomes an insane tendency. ,We are especially liable to it at the present time, because so many of us are overwrought. Our actors, our orators, our oommercial men, can hardly keep up the nervous energy require 3 to go through with their work, and so they take alcohol to get up the steam of the mind. Wo believe if a man has to go through a certain amount of bodily work he will do it better if he takes a little stimulant. In cases of mental strain, the freer he keeps from stimulant the better. Let him always eat something when he 'drink". Let him drink as little stimulant as possible as a rule; let him substitute coffee or cocoa for spirits and wine, and he will be fresher for work and last out b? tter. The body is a tough machine, but jou must treat it fairly; and so of the mind?it is usually tough enough, but you can upset it. We beseech you, workers, to watch yourselves, especially in this matter of taking stimulants. But what shall we ray of the pleasure makers? Young people should enjoy themselves if enjoyment comes innocently. But what do wo see constantly ? We see young people whose susceptibilities are keenly alive to everything that oomes from without, fresh and healthy young girls of seventeen and eighteen, at parties and balls, who really require no stimulant, or the least possible amount ?a little wine and water at most. Well, these young girls drink champagne at intervals, glass after glass; they do not know how much they do drink. .They have not been cautioned. It is "overexcitability ; it is thoughtlessness. But it is like throwing vitriol upon roses to apply sueli an amount of stimulant to young, healthy bodies, A little thought would constantly set all this right. The Spare Bed. When I go to the country to visit my relatives, writes M. Quad, the spare bed rises up before my imagination days before I start, and I shiver as I remember how cold'aud grave-like the sheets are. I put off the visit as long as possible, solely on account of that spare bed. I don't like to tell them that I had rather sleep on a picket feuce than to enter that spare room and creep into that spare bed, and so they know nothing of my sufferings. 9 The spare bed is always as near a mile ami a half from the reaf, nf lh? Vwtiln an it can be located. It's either up stairs at.the head of the hall, or off in the parlor. The parlor curtains linvo not been raised for weeks; everything is as grim as an old maid's bonnet, and the ed is as square and ti ue as if it had been made up to a carpenter's rule. No matter whether it be summer or winter, the bed is like ice, and it sinks down in a way to make one shiver. The sheets are slippery clean, the pillow slips rustle like shrouds, and one dare not stretch his leg down for fear of kicking against a tombstone. One sinks down until he is lost in the hollow, and foot by foot the prim bedposts vanish from sight. He is worn out and sleopy, but he knows that the rest of the family are so far away that no one could hear him if he should shout for an hour, and this makes him nervous. He wonders if any one ever died in that room, and straightway he sees faces of dead persons, hears strange noises, and presently feels a chill galloping up and down his back. Did any one ever pass a comfortable night in a spare bed ( no matter how many quilts and spreads coverod him he could not get warm, and if he accidentally fell asleep it was to awake with a start, under the impression that a dead man was pulling his uose. It will be days and weeks before he recovers from the impression, and yet he must suffer in silence, because the spore bed was assigned him in token of esteem and affection. A Wife's Rights. Here is a love story, not out of the "Decameron," but one of the modern jurisprudential style: A rich New York widower of fifty-two, who was about to marry a young woman of twenty-three, in order to convince liis daughters that his young wife married himself and not his $150,000, made his estate over to his daughters just before marriage, but without informiug his intended of the love t"et. When she found it out, after marriage, slio showed how much she thought of her husband's worldly goods, as well as her husband, by going to law to recover. And she did recover, the court holding that dower being highly favored in equity, as a moral as well as legal right, " the inchoate rights of the wife are as much entitled to protection as the vested rights of the widow," and that the deed executed before her marriage, uudei the facts and circnmstanees of this case, should have no more effect iiruin lioi* i.lifin if ATA. cuted afterwards. A (looi? Speech.?One of the best political speeches ever made came from the lips of a military gentleman during the last Senatorial contest in West Virginia. It was as follows: Gentlemen? If no one will rnako a speech, I will, and I will stop when I get done. Citizens of West Virginia, if you would all take the same interest in developing the resources of your country by opening your rich mines, cultivating the soil, improving your stock, and cultivating habits of industry that you take hunting public offices for yourselves or friends, you would soon have one of the first and best Statos in the Union. On | Spelling Match. [ One of John O. Whittier's sweetest metrical gems, "School Days," is devoted to showing the regret of a browneyed New England girl at having "spelled down the little boy Her childish favor singled."] "I'm sorry that I spelt the ward, I hate to to above you. Because"?-the brown eyes lower fell? " Because, you see, I love yon." Still memory to a gray-haired man That sweet ohila face is showing ; Dear girl, the grasses on her grave Have forty years been growing. He lives to learn in life s hard school How few who peea above him Lament the triumph and his loss Like her?because they love him. Items of Interest. .Something that ought to be pat down .?carpets. The lawyers ore coming oat with spring suits. What holds all the snuff in the world ? No one nose. What is it that a poor man has and a rich man wants 1 Nothing. It appears that ooining copper is not profitable. The government has not made a half cent since 1857. Mark Twain denies that his " Gilded Age" was a failure. He says it gave a poor, worthy bookbinder a job. Prof, of Rhetorio: " What important change came over Burns in the latter part of his life?" Senior: "He died." The latest addition to the umbrella is *a pane of glass, inserted in the front breadth, through which the holder can see his way. At Manchester, England, the other day a woman was found guilty of unintentional bigamy and was sent to prison for one day. "John, John, wake up, there's a burglar in the house," said his wife. John sat upright in bed. " Burglar, b-n-r g-l-e-r?burglar"?and he rolled over waiting for a harder word. Emperor William has written to a desoendent of Handel that a new quarter is to be added to the city of Berlin, in which all the streets will.be pamed after Germany's musical celebrities. Take life easy, and don't always be trying to beat the sun up, says an exchange. You may win for awhile, but in the long ran you"are sure to be beaten, and some morning it will rise when you don't. A fom ilova a<yo A If AAIAMJ a. *v?? u tagv/ B? JLXCUIIUVAT W1U1CU man bought a catfish, and in dressing it found growing in the flesh of the fish a separate tissue in the form of a human hand, about as large as that of an infant a year old. The first number of a Colorado paper prints a two colnWnn list of the staple products of the new State. It is chiefly made up of minerals, but includes deer horns, live eagles and similar fruits of a fertile soil. Viscount de Losgeril. has investigated apothecaries' profits. He says that a bottle of seidhtz water, sold for twentyfive oents, costs to make it one cent and a half, and that other profits generally tfre in this proportion. "Augustus, dear," said she, tender pushing him from her as the moonlight flooded the bay-window where they were standing, "I think you had better try some other hair dye; your mustache tastes like turpentine." Wolf scalps are received in payment of taxes in Missouri at the rate of five dollars a scalp. The legislative oommittee appointed the other day to burn the scalps accumulated in the last two years destroyed about ?6,000 worth. A Minneapolis butcher dreamed one night that he had only seven fingers, and the next day he cut off a finger with an unlucky stroke of a oleaver, That night he dreamed he hadn't any hood, and he has ever sinoe been living in terribledread. The ore from the Newburyport eilver mines increases in richness as the shafts are sunk?an assay last week yielding at the rate of $6,000 a ton. Six hundred feet of land on the Boynton lode were sold, recently, to a Springfield company for $160,000. "Yon may go on inventing washing machines for the next fifty years, but to the average eye you can't" patent anything erpud to the sight of a lady's diamond rings flashing in and out of the sparkling suds as she thumps a wet towel up and down the washboard." Georgo Smith, who worked by nighte in a Troy car shop, when called upon to elope with the wife of his friend Anderson, first made -arrangements with his employer that Anderson should be promoted to the position he vacated. The contract was fulfilled all around. The fish of Lake Erie, imprisoned by ice, have been dying because they had too much water and not enonch air. Now, the fowl 011 Lake Huron are starving because they have too much air and cannot get at the fish through the ioe. There seems to be a predicament for the fish in either case. On All Fools Day some Hartford wag sent letters to most of the members or the clerical profession, inviting them, singlv,to be present at the United States Hotel to unite a couple in marriage. Not dreaming of a trick, and not knowing that others had been invited, each clergyman who had received a note wsnt to the hotel at the appointed hour, and all found tin y had been made the victims of a practical joke. It ia said that nine ministers were there at sOe time.