University of South Carolina Libraries
' ; the tribune. \ ' I .' ff ?. ? V, > 1 . . * / ~;j " - * 1 ' ~' ? ; VOL. I.?NO. 25. BEAUFORT, S. C., MAY 12. 1875. $2.00 PER ANNUM. ?. ? - Jean, the Cobbler. rf A merry wight, and fond of hia ease, While be aioga hia songs and strokes his knees, And light as the air whioh sways the leayes, Is Jean Valjean, the cobbler. Through the BUismer day he sits and sings Of the olden days and of ancient-things, Or tho dames of yore and of bygone kings? Biugs Joan Valjean, the cobbler. The birds are singing in every tree Till tho air is tilled with the melody Of song as light and gay and free As Joan Valjean's, the cobbler. With the waning shadows the bird in its Heat, 4 And Jean in his cot, each seek the rest Which sweet sleep brings, with no cares oppressed. Ah ! happy Jean, the cobbler. l COUSIN EUHV. All her life long Sara Holmes had had a romance. It began and ended with tkess words: " When Elihu comes home." Aud thongh she was nineteen years old at tho time of which I write, it Boemeu to ner on tnat burning July j day, as slie sat in lior bedroom and look- c ed ont upon the moonlit fields, that she ) had been living one or two centuries in A this world, at the very least, and all the time dreaming golden dreams of Elihu only to find them shivered into atoms at . the last. For Elihu had come. And the time . and manner of his coming were so unlooked for and so unexpected .to her as well as every one else, that no wonder the girl sat there in the moonlight, say- _ iug to hersllf: "He is here. I need 1 never watch or wait for him again. In ' the next chamber to mine he is sleeping?that is, if he can sleep. Poor Elihu." The earliest stories she conld remem- r bor had boon told to her by her mother, about "Cousin Elihu" and the enormous fortune ho had made "down . South," at a time when fortunes could yet be made in that unhappy land. She . had heard fabulous tales of the palace in ? which he lived, of the negro slaves who , flew to do his bidding, of the beautiful , carriages and horses that bore him from nlace to iilacA and of tlm w?w?la U>o - silks, satins and velvets that fortunate | woman would possess who would one ? day become Eiihu's bride. Other girla had heard these stories also, and the belle of the school at ? Holmesdaue often said that, when she was sixteen, she should " go a travel- * ing," and find her way "down South," and "set her cap "for Eliliu Holmes, . That the result would follow for which . > she looked, no girl among them doubted, , for even the master's stern face softened i and smiled upon Rosanna Meadows, * when she shook back her golden curls ( and lifted her large blue eyes with a < blush to his. Poor Rosanna I Sara leaned her cheek on her liand, and'looked over the hilltop ^ toward tho village graveyard, where the ^ village beauty was now lying, with her blue eyes closed, her golden ringlets smoothed back from her white brow, f and her hands clasped in on unearthly qniet on her breast. Elihu had never Vnnnm Vl/VW liar mvliaV? fannw wtav.4 ?i?w..?? UV4 guuou iauuj HOllb UUb towards him. And now Elihu had como p home! " As Sara Holmes grew up, and de- " veloped from the tall, angular girl, into ^ the queenly and self-possessed young " woman, tho thought would soihetimes y1 occur to her, as she stood before the p mirror braiding her dark hair, " If he *e should come hock, would he think me ** pretty, now that Rosanna is gone?" The broad low brow, the oval cheeks " and dimpled chin answered her; the healthful color, the deep dark eyes, the n sudden, bright, bewildering said, " Yes." ^ For hers was now a higher beauty than Rosanna s pink and wlute loveliness had " ever been, and the treasures of her mind J1 and heart might well have won on older " and wiser man to love her, long before ? Elihu came home. And now she drew a long breath; and set herself to recall all the incidents of " that sudden and startling return. ? Tea was over?the milk was strained? ~ and they were all sitting on the front * piazza, under the shade of the maples ^ and the locusts, while her father read " bits from the weekly village paper aloud. * Hot stop-mother was knitting; her sister " Grace was lining a hat, and her brother ? Ben was whittling out a toy boat from a bit of wood, while she, Sara, sat beside a him and held his tools as he needed h them, and lost herself in a reverie about U her hero in the South. h A carriage drove up the village road if and halted at their gate. The driver h descended from his seat and -beckoned to ai her father, who hurried down to the gate n to meet him. After talking some time t] together, a small trunk was lifted down a and left beside the gate. Then the n . carriage door was opened and a tall v ' figure descended, and directly after, Ben, who had followed his father in a p fit of boyish curiosity, galloped back il With distended eyes, whispering loudly: a " Mother ? girls 1 Cousin Elihu has tl come 1 And he has lost every cent of his property down South 1 I heard the t driver tell father sol And they have- n sent him off np here, because they 1 thought he was goin? to be sick; and g loinr** uo juu ow, leaning on iatner And the driver, and he can't but just a walk. Isn't it a blamed shame of those o Southerners f' tu " MercyI" exclaimed Ben's step- p mother, rising ss they all rose, when tne tl tall, slender figure approached. d * Sara looked up with her heart in her a eyes, to greet her hero?no lessee hero a to her for the pitiful history of loss and a rata that aha had Just heard* d Slio saw a tall, upright, elegant-lookng man, with a fair complexion, large, nelanclioly blue eyes, a long, straight lose, drooping eyebrows, eyelids and ips, and a firmly roumled chin, that lomewhat counteracted and contradicted ;he listless sadness of the rest of the 'aoe. His hair was turning gray, and ;he heavy, golden mustache had one or wo threads of silver, but, with that exseption, he wore no look of age. Elilm was well but plainly dressed in i traveling suit of gray. He removed lis hat as he drew near the ladies, Vitli k courteous grace; but he looked in rain for the -warm Welcome from the vocond Mrs. Holmes and her daughter 3race that he would have received from lis own cousin had she been alive> Mrs. Holmes bowed to him coldly, ihough civilly; and Grace, angry with liin and with herself for the sudden Hllbuifrinor nf ?m lldrv amKifintia 0 ? ?J ""1""" vliicli she had never confided to any one >xcepfc her mother, swept him her latest lancing-school courtesy, and affected lot to see the hand ho held out. Elihu colored slightly and turned to lara, whose large, dark eyes were ixed with a gaze of tender pity upon lis refined and melancholy face. "You have a face that I ought to mow," he said to her gently. " You ire your mother's child, dear Sara ! I loped she* would be here , to moet me vhen I came home at last."* Sara's heart was already full, and this eference to her dead mother caused her ears to overflow. " Dear Cousin Elihu," said she, taking lis hand in both hers, "my mother renembered and loved you to the last day if her life. She would have been glad ndeed to see you here once more. J, m glad, too. All my life long I have ooked forward to your coming." "But you did not expect to see me eturn so poor," said Elihu, sighing. " Boor or rich, it matters little," reilied Sara, fervently. " Yon are here at lome once more, and that is-enough to oake us all rejoice." " Aye," said Elihu, looking from her learning countenance to the cold faces f the rest. " I should have been glad o bring gold enough to make me welome. But what has happened has uippenod, and I do not wish to complain, lousin Joshua, for my cousin's sake, ad for the soko of the old times when ou and I were boys together, I suppose nil will lhf. nin ofoxr nt fhn nl/1 ?>wv A^V. WWMJ uv vajlxj \/AU uumuobcau ar a few days ?" "Eh? On I To be sure ! Stay and reloome, Cousin Elihu," stammered the armer, who feeling the eyes of his rife and his daughter Sara fixed upon im, was like a man between two fires. So it was settled, and Sara flew about ke a good fairy, to prepare supper for lie wanderer, and afterward to set in orer his room and bod. At nine o'clock e retired, and then the storm burst arth. to The second Mrs. Holmes inquired, hrilly, if their house was to be turned ito a "poor farm," and made the abidlg place of every shiftless creature who ad wasted his substance in riotous livag among "those negroes"?only to ome, at the last, without a penny in liis >ocket, to be supported by those who iad the misfortune to bo related to him a a very distant way. Mr. Holmes said) meekly, that " it rasn't likely Elihu would want to stay mg, and that as he had once redeemed lie farm, which was heavily mortgaged, ith his own money, and given a deed of ae place to his first wife, he didn't very ell see how he could refuse him a shel>r there if he claimed it. For a time, at tast," he added, nervonsly, seeing his joond wife's black eyebrows knitting lemselvcs together in a way that he had 'arneel to dread. Grace upheld her mother in all her deunciations; though Sara thought, priately, that it would have been more elicate had she kept silence, since, as le daughter of Mrs. Holmes by a former larriage, she could not be supposed to ave any great interest, pecuniary or therwise, in the disposition of the omestead farm. As for Ben, like most boys of thirteen, e was on the side of right against light, and he did not scruple to say rat, for his pert, he hoped Cousin llihu would stay there forever; and that e was sure, as he had redeemed the inn, that he had a perfect right to do 5. His sister Sara could have kissed im for the answer, but she kept ilence. The days went on. By every art that mean and paltry spirit could invent, ' Irs. Holmes the second showed plainly > Elihu how unwelcome he was beheatn er roof-tree. As for Grace, she simply piored him. And Mr. Holmes, though e would gladly have been both grateful nd kind, was so tamed and worried by ightly curtain lectures, hours long, iiat he dared not show the ruined man ny attention, and only looked at him ristfully now and then, as if wonderincr rhen he would be gone. Elihu'a plate, knifo and fork were laced upon the table at every meal, fc irf true. He fared as the rest fared, nd hia room and bod were the beat in be house. But this was Sara's doing. To her and o Ben he owed each moment of happiesa that he enjoyed in the old house, 'he sister and young brother were always lad to be with him, but the other mlatos of the house looked over and round him, and even when he ate of f their bread and drank of their cup, semed aa if they kqew him not. Sara's rood spirit biased up for his sake at a tionsand petty insnlt* and affronts each ay. She wondered privately to h3rself, nd aloud to Ben, how Cousin Elihn, rith all the memory of his past wealth nd grandeur still in him mind, could en ore iil Hot was she surprised, when, * one pleasant evening, jnst fonr weeks after liis arrival, Eliliu told her that he must go. "I cannot blame you. They have . treated you so shamefully!" slie said, 1 while her heart sank down, down in her r< breast, like a stone sinking into the depths of the tiny lako on whose banks 'il1' they sat. " But where will jgne k?? p;i Cousin Eliliu ? What will you do ? You were ill when you came here, and, 8^' thanks to their nnkindness, yon ore not Bn,( well and strong enough to care for yourself. Oh, it is a shame?a shame!" she ' broke out again. And if you had come rich, as they expected, every one el of them would have been at your feet I" n?n Cousin Eliliu smiled the smile that f r always brightened his melancholy face, ,u till, in her eyes, it was the noblest, hand- V* somest face on earth. "Nevermind them, Sara," Aaid he; 11 " you and Ben have been so good to mo that I liave scaroely noticed the rest. So 1 good that"? - ' He paused and looked at her. " Sara, when I'm crone, shall vou miss 1 me?" ~ The tears rose to her eyes. / " Oh, how cap. you ask ? You know, ^ Elihu, when yon go I shall be miserable I '" I shall think of you among strangers, ' poor, perhaps ill, perhaps dying"? She hid her face in her hands and sob- * bed aloud. R? Elihu waited till her grief had ex- }[ hansted itself, and then took her hand, tjj0 " What you say is all very tmo, Sara. r I am not fit to go out into the world ?OT alone. Will you go with me? Yon have a good home here, I know, but if I have 1 you to work for, I will soon make you a better one. And by-and-bye Ben can -or come to us, and we will make a man of |n^ him. Will you bo my wife, Sara ?" , She looked at him with all the solemn er fervor of ' a woman's love and devotion -J shining in her eyes. Hj "If you will take me, Elihu, and let me care for you, I shall be the happiest / creature on earth. From the moment ?"1 when I saw you come in at the farm ** gate, from the moment when I knew that your fortune was gone, and that you jV' were ill and alone in the world, I have .c prayed that you might love me. I don't j care where our home is or what it is, so that we share it together. I can be liappier with you in a log hut than I ? " could be with any one else in a palace; for you need me, iillihu, and I?I have thouglt and dreamed of you, and, I ^' really believe, loved you from the days when my mother first told me about you, when I was a baby at her knee." So they were betrothed, and after a brief storm at the farm house when her .. decision' was first made known, Sara followed the fortunes of her lover to a distant city where they were married. ^ Ben went with her as her protector , and " best man." Her father kissed her and cried over her, as he bid her fare ii j i i_-A i 1. or wen, uuu pub ii jiuuiv.et-uuutt. j fire hundred dollars into her hand as a , ^ wedding portion. "I can't go with you to give you cm away, my dear, and I can't let yon l>e u]v married here," said the poor man; "for r I shall never hear the last of it if I do; ggj and I'm getting old now, and I want peace and comfort in my own home. ftm But God bless you, Sara, and your hus- jjr( band that is to be. Poor Eliku ! Your mother loved him dearly, and I don't am know a fault he has in the world, except that ho is poor." . So, strengthened by her father's approval and blessing, Sara approached the altar to consecrate her lifo to the hero of her dreams ! . The ceremony over, they drove to a first-class hotel, and breakfasted in a 5n. style that made Sara tremble for the "y fnture. And after breakfast Elihu laid a jy1 package before her, and a casket by the ? side of her plate. r19 "My first present to my wife," said he. " As for you, Ben "? Hu* A cry of delight from Ben made his , sister turn round to look at him. The ? 1 boy was glorious in a gold hunting- j"1 watch and chain. * "Open your casket, love," said her husband, smiling. F"9 She obeyed, and a river of light seemed suddenly to flash upon her from the mo diamnndR wit.hin. At. the same moment her husband broke the seal of the pock- ^ age and showed her a bank-book inscribed with her name. P^Y " Ten thoosand dollars are deposited -1 there, - subject to your order," said . Elihn, oarelessly. ( " Ten thousand dollars! and the watch! auu the diamonds!" gasped 5* .Sara, turning pale. "What can it all at' mean?" ' I know," broke in Ben, with a 8U^ joyous laugh. " Cousin Elihu has only mo been pretending to be poor all this P10 time! Nicely sold all those people at the farm will be 1" Sara turned to her husband. He ' smiled, and drew her closely to his breast. From that happy day not a wish j10 of hers or Ben's has been ungratifled. 1x6 And all the romanoe of her hie began 1 instead of ending (as she for a time supposed) when .Elihu came home. ________________ the Too Unanimous. , The Washington Star gives the following sketch of a conversation between a decapitated postmaster of a Southern city and the Postmaster-General. In reply to the emery of the ex-P. M. as to the cause of his Removal, Mr. Jewell ' said: "Well, that's a pointed question, R?r and I will give you a straightforward anewer. You were removod becanso you were altogether 'too unanimous;' you talk too much, write too much, and slash around generally too mnoh for the goodjof theljservice." " WeT, Governor," said the ex-P. M., "is there any hope of a reconsideration of my case ?" " None *'}{ in the world, so far as I am oonoemed," frvt wfetbe P<artmMtor-Generftra reply. j ^ . \ -> J, Knew They Were Ousters. V man named Horter lived out in lorado a few years ago, says Max * leler, but as his health was bad ho was 1 lcrod to spend a year or two at the 1 whore. He was born in the far West, 1 had never seen an oyster in its shell. e ? bought a cottage down at Atlantic c by, and went there to live early last ring. A few days after his arrival he ' v a man going by with a cart-load of I sters, which Horter mistook for stones. 1 sues are mighty scarce at Atlantic, * i as Horter wanted some to make bor- s rs for his flower-beds, he asked the * in what he would take for his load. It 8 nek Horter that the price was high, 8 t he bought the lot, and had them A mped down by his gate. The next * y he stuck eight hundrod of them in 1 ) sand in his garden, around the beds, 8 d when the job was done, he thought looked uncommonly handsome. 1 A. week afterward there were three or 8 ir warm days, and Horter remarked 1 it the sea-breeze smelled very strong; % I he told Mrs. Horter that he thought ^ >re must be a dead whale lying some- * ere down on the beach. The next -* y the smell became more offensive, c I Mrs. Horter said that it was an onfr;e that the authorities didn't clean up f ? streets and remove the garbage that 8 isoned the air. On the following day J i weather was extremely hot, and the * nch became perfectly terrific. Mr. c irter said there must be a dead rat * newhere in the wenthor-boarding, and ^ got the carpenter to come and remove ~ no of it. But ho found nothing; and 8 on going away he remarked to Hortliat that sauerkraut they were cook- j_ \ for dinner was the deadliest saner- f tut for smell that he ever encoun- 1 cd. r Clie stench grew stronger all that c fht, and on the next morning a com- n ttoe of neighbors waited upon Mr. rter to say that if he would kill that , mk he would confer a personal favor a on them, and upon the people of the 11 mty generally; for they could smell n n twelve miles up country. Then 0 irter told them how perplexed he was J1 >ut the matter, and said he would ^ [y be too glad to have the cause of " > trouble detected. So the committee de a tour of inspection, holding u sir noses. When they got into the 8 den they perceived the oysters all oing wide open and evolving an awful ell absolutely jn fumes. One of the nmitteemen,j weighing the fact that ^ rtor planted ^[ege oysters, imagined & ,t ho was crazy, Wjd. suddenly climbed sr the fence and home. The a iers remained and asked. Horter what earth he meant by laying those iters around in the sun in that man- B ' Oysters!" said Horter. " Oysters ! i aon t moan to say tliose are oysters! n aalius ! Well, well! that beats all! Q ras wondering what made all those nes split even down the middle. I 8 lldn't account for it. And so those i oysters? Why, I thought oysters rays came in cans?" ^ rhat afternoon ho buried the shell- ^ 1 deep in the sand and the smell ised. Then he sold out his cottage 1 moved to Long Branch. He told c own, his next-door neighbor, that he 5w they were oysters all the time 1 he did it for a joke; but he moved f siuse the people seemed to sec too ~ ful much fun in it. I How Big Men Began Life. v Cornelius Vanderbilt began life with old pirogue, running between Staten j] and and New York city, carrying gar- j i stuff to market. With two or three ^ tusnnd dollars raised from that source tl entered up<?n steadily increasing en- ^ prises, until he amassed the enormous R n of $50,000,000. L T. Stewart first bought a few laces ? auction, and opened his way to sncoess g a dingy little shop in Broadway, near v i site of his present wholesale estabunent. Years of rigid honesty, shrewd nagement, and wisdom in things ;li great and Bmall, lmve made him the numentol merchant of the nineteenth 2 itary. t Daniel Drew, in his early life, was a s tie driver, at the munificent rate of o enty-flve cents a day, and he has now s ven himself into an estate valued at ' m $25,000,000 to $30,000,000. s leorge Law, at forty-five years of c >, was a common day laborer on the n sks, and at present counts his fortune b something like $10,000,000. A tobert L. and Alexander Stuart, the a far refiners, in their boyhood sold d lasses candy, which their widowed b ther had made, at a cent a stick, and s lay they are worth probably $5,000,- v i to $6,000,000 apiece. ii larshal O. Roberts is the possessor of tl 000.000 or $5,000,000; and yet until tl was twenty-five ho did not have $100 o could cnll his own. b 1. B. Glaflin, the eminent dry goods o reliant, worth, it is estimated, from I 1,000,000 to $15,000,000, commenced fi world with nothing but energy, de- o mination and hope, and see how mag- ii cently he has invested them. n a tl Railway Accident Statistics. 0 lome very interesting statistics of ft way accidents in England, as com- a ed with ten American States, viz.: ? Now England States, New York, ? v Jersey, Pennsylvania and Ohio, ing 1873, show that, contrary to the mlar belief, more persons were killed English than by American railways. 11 ) figures are given as follows: Mmatmnd. I'nlitd maim, ? Ml, piaMog?n...< 90 v. Ml. emplQJTM* 778 452 ? ifsd.pMHO|in... 1.750 387 C irad, employ**.1,171 1,1(1 O Recklessness from Liquor, A gentleman tells the following story o illustrate the fact that drinking liquor, n however small quantities, makes men eckless: ? proposition was mado to smbark iu a business enterprise, and I igreed to meet the gentlemen intere itid on the next Saturday evening. According to appointment I went, and ound the party assembling in a private >arlor. There were four present beside nyself. The business was opened by he gentleman who had waited upon me, md the plan of proposed operations set orth. It u as a novel thing, and no one leemed inclined to go ahead. All were inxious to make money, but they didn't vant to rnn any great risks. In short, hey handled the subject warily?very nuch as a boy handles a freshly-caught mapping-turtle. By-and-bye I saw two of the gentlenen whispering together, and pretty toon one of them went out. "When he eturned he was followed by a servant vho brought bottles and glasses, which vere placed upon a side table. The jentloman hoped I had no objection. " told him, not the least. They must exmse me, that was all. Three of the party indulged. One [ept me company in abstaining. After ho first social glass the bibulous trio iglited cigars and talked of various maters. By-and-bye they took a second Iriuk; and very soon after this they rere ready for business. One more Irink?just a drop?and the subject of he speculating -scheme was again >ronght forward. Presto! Those three men, only a ittle while ago. so timid and careful, lad become very heroes of business darng. Bisk? Pshaw! Who cared for isk ? Was ever a great game won withmt risk ? They were ready to venture ,ny amount, and anxious to go ahead. I came away, leaving them making he golden figures bigger and bigger; .nd from tliat time I have heard no Qore of the proposed venture. Honestly nd candidly, I believe that those two >r three glasses of liquor upset what night have proved a profitable piece of nisiness. But, whether that be so or lot, certain it is, that it required only hose three social drinks to c impletely iemoralize the business forces of three pod business men. The Boy on Labrosse Street. When a Labrossa street boy, tho I)eroit Free Prow says, is playing " hopcotch" on the walk, and his mother omes to the door and asks him to split omewood, he replies that he will bo long in just one minute. At the end f tan minutes she opens the door and ays : " Wilyum, I want that wood!" "I'm coming right now," ho replies, nd then goes on hopping here and there u one leg. Another ten minutes flies away, and he opens the door and says: " Wilvum. if vou don't tret that wood ou know what your father will do!" "Just teu seconds!" ho calls back, and ie enters upon a new game. The next time she calls she says : "Youug man, it's almost noon and I an't cook dinner without that wood!" "I know it?I'm coming now," ho regies, and he stands on one foot and olds a long discussion with the Jolinon boy as to whether the game of "hopcotcli" is as good a game as base ball. Ie has just started to hop when a boy rhispers: "Hi, Bill!" there's your father." "Great snakes!" whispers Bill, and ie goes over the fence like a flash, grabs he ax, and during the next two minutes to strikes two hundred blows per miuite. He gets into the house ahead of lis father, and as he drops the wood he ays: "Mother, the boys were just a sayin' hat I had the handsomest and best and modest mother on Labrosse street, and I rant to kiss you!" The Mormon Massacre. A Utah correspondent of the Chicago rimc8 says that a woman was indirectly he cause of the Mountain Meadow masacre which was such a horrible incident f tne earlv liistorv of Mormon ism. Hn ays that Parley P. Pratt, one of the ' twelve apostles," was sent on a mision to Arkansas in 1847, and while there onverted to his doctrine a woman amed McLean, who deserted her husiand and eloped with him to Utah, ifterwnrd Pratt again visited Arkansas nd abducted three of the woman's chilxen from their father, who snbsequentv met and killed the abductor. The tory is that Brigliam Young prophesied engeance for this, and that among the nmigrants who were slaughtered?by lie Mormons as is generally believed, tiougli Brigham's followers lay the rime to Indians?woro several neighors of McLean, one of whom, it is harged, assisted in the killing of Pratt, t is also said that among the victims rom Missouri were two who had been onoerned in the killing of Joseph Smith 1 Nauvoo. Two prominent Mormons amed Dame and Lee sure now in custody waiting trial oh the charge of being tie leading actors in the massacre, where ne hundred and twelve men, women nd children were brutally murdered fter the men had given up their aims n the promise of protection from the formons. VbrY StCTiISH.?At the weddinc nf n aughtor of one of the Appletons, iook publishers of New York, the eremony took place in a floral bower rectod in one of the large rooms of the otiho. The wedding presents of the iride were valued at $100,000, and lardinal MoOloskey performed the eremonies, Items of Interest. Youug ladies have taken to the mania of collecting stamps again. Their mania for spending them is chronic. Milk-pnnch is now recommended as a cure for diphtheria. It has always been considered good for the tliroat. " Her style is "Western to a painful degree," says an exacting Philadelphia critic, alluding to a popular actress. There's a school ma'am in Oneida county, N. Y., who lets her best behaved scholars chew her gum a little while. Oastor oil applied to a corn after paring closely each night before going to bed softens the corn and it becomes as other flesh. The Carlist war is seriously affocting the prosperity of Spain. The exports of that country in 1874 were $50,000,000 less than in 1873. See hero, old man ! Did you servo inJVIexico in the First New York volunteers? If so, and you can prove it, there are $280 for you up at Albany. A Montana justice of the peace doesn't splurge any whon he marries a couple. He says : '' Arise?grab hands- hitched ?six dollars ." And that's all thero is to it. At Gloucester, England, recently, a man was fined by a magistrate for stealing a ride on the railroad, and as tho man was very poor, the magistrate paid the flue himself. It has been discovered out West that as the prairie cliickens are destroyed tho grasshoppers increase. Well, those farmers pay their money and they can take their choice. A Minnesota sheriff carried a bullet in Ins liend ten years, aud when they removed it the other day he became foolish. They are looking for some one to shoot him again. Tkore is a man in Montgomery county, Pa., who can hold up his hand and say that he never opened another man's lettor by mistake. We refer, of course, to Mr. John Pfafaelkaeffingar. A Yankee editor throws up a spongo with the remark that "it don't pay to run a paper hi a town where the business men read almanacs, and pick their teeth with the tail of a herring." " That was a mighty good thing you had in a few days ago abont so-and-so," ' omarkod p. gentleman with a red nose and vinous breath to the editor one day. "Can't you lend me two dollars?" A newspaper out West thus heads its report of a fire: " Feast of the Fire Fiend ?The Forked-Tongued Demon Licks with its Lurid Breath a Lumber Pile !? Are the scenes of Boston and Cliicogo to bo repeated ??Loss $150." The Norristown spellers at the " Bee " recently were nicely fooled. After learning all the jaw-breaking words in the dictionary, they were given only simple words nsed in ordinary conversation, and of course didn't know how to spell 'em. A number of young ladies of the "best families" of the West End, at Boston, have organized a cookery club, meeting twice a week at the residence of each member in turn, who treats her sister members to a beefsteak, dinner or tea prepared exclusively by herself. A young lady of New York city was reeentlv struck with the usefulness nf her life, and immediately went to work with vigor to 1 aru plain sewing. At latest dates she had hemmed one side of a towel, which the proud parents have framed imd hung in ft conspicions position in their parlors. President Grant and Attorney-General Williams are troubled to know what they shall do with an Indian who kills another, as the Indians ore not subject to our laws. An exchange says : Our opinion is that when they catch an Indian who has undoubtedly killed another Indian, the true course is to givo him a new gun and Ave dollars. Man and Wife. Thomas Jefferson wrote the following excellent advice. There is much human nature and good sense in it: Harmony in a married state is the very first thing to be aimed at. In othing can preserve affection uninterrupted but a firm resolution never to differ in will, and the determination of each to consider the love of the other of more value than any other earthly object whatever on which a wish can be fixed. How light, in fact, is the sacrifice of any wish when weighed against the affection of one with whom we are to pass our life. Opposition in a single instance will hardly of itself produce alienation; this only takes place when all the oppositions are put, as it were, in a pouch, which, while it is filling, the alienation is insensibly going on, and when full it ia oomplete. It wonld pupsle either to say who, because no one differenoe of opinion has been marked enough to produce a serious effect itself. The affeotions are wearied out by a constant stream of little obstacles. Other sources of its disoontent, very oommon, indeed, are the little purpose of husband and wife in oommon conversation?a disposition in either to criticize and question what the other says?a desire always to demonstrate and make the other feel in the wrong, especially in oompany. Nothing is so goading. Much better, therefore, if our companion views a thing in a different light from what we do, leave him in the 3met possession of his views. What is le nse of rectifying him if the thing be unimportant ? l (et it pass for the present and wait n softer moment and conciliatory occasion of reviewing the subject together. It is wonderful how many persons are rendered unhappy by inattention to the little rule el prudence.