The tribune. (Beaufort, S.C.) 1874-1876, May 05, 1875, Image 1
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THE TRIBUNE
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VOL. I.--NO. 24. BEAUFORT, S. .. MAY 5. 1875. $2.00 PER ANNUM.
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How I'Lost My Heart.
To tell yon just liow I lost it,
Ob, that wore a diflicult task ;
How the thing got away on that autumn day
I never stopped to atk.
Perhaps 'twas a glauce that did it,
A soft carees to my hair,
A close warm grasp, or a gentle clasp,
That captured it then and there.
You see, there aro things you can govern,
"' But hearts have a way of their own ;
Like birds they fly, and you oan't tell why?
You only miss thom when gone.
Aud why I don't tell the story,
If tlio reason you really must learn,
Is, though life grow bright with a rosy light,
Yet I won no heart in return.
Somebody's eyes were gentle aud kind,
And his voice was soft and low ;
But the heart I wanted was given away
Ever so long ago.
Ai\d so, while I*solaco a lonely life
With a cat and a cup of tea,
8omobody s arm is round his wife
And her baby is on his kfico.
Anil tlie Iohh I met with reunite in this,
That mine is a lonely part;
You can't for your life make a loving wife,
Of a woman without a heart.
Another head rests on tho manly breast
That I wanted to thelter me ;
Some other fair faco has won my place,
So no man's wife I'll. be.
But compensation's a law of life,
And though trials tho gods will send,
I've no one to scold when his beefsteak's cold,
And no small stockings to mend.
So that the love that is lost I uover regret,
Whon I think what nly troubles might be :
Wiiou dinner is late I smilo at fate.
And nobody storms at me.
THE PRAIRIE FIRE.
The round golden aun rose slowly up
into tlie gray morning sky ; long, very
long before the first dim streaks of dawn
had. stolen in through the fissures in the
rude canvas tent, Horace Gray and his {
young wife, Gertrude, were up aud
doing. Only the first night of their stay
in their new Western home had passed,
and thcr9 was much for them to accom
pan ere me sun went uown again. They
had brought only a few of the most
necessary articles of household furniture
with them; and Horace was to return
that day to a rude settlement miles away,
to bring the remainder.
Such was their haste tliat no fire was
kiniUed, and the remnants of. the last
night's supper sufficed for their simple
breakfast. In a few moments the horses
were harnessed and waiting, and then
Horace Gray came back to bid his wife
good-bye ere he started. Softly stealing
his arm round her slender waist, he
gently drew her towards the tent-door,
where they could gaze upon the magnificent
prospect around them. Away in
the distance as far as the oye could reach,
containing acres upon acres, stretched
the wide, rich prairie, covered with long,
tangled grass, crisped and browned by
the October frosts, rippling gently in
the soft zepliyr-liko winds which played
through it like tlio blue waves of the
great ocean which stretched so many
weary leagues away, over the tops of the
Ereat trees which bordered the western
orizou.
Opposite them, not many hundred
yards away, ran and sparkled a little rill,
dancing joyously in the glad morning
sunbeams, curving partly round the
tent, and pnrting just below it only to
unite a few feet beyond, leaving a little
miniature island of fairy-like beauty and
proportions, around which the low murmuring
of the waters mode perpetual
music.
On the left hand, for away in the dis tant
.Cft&t, stretched a long growth of
heavy woodland, now crusted with the
autumn gold, as if aping the rich western
sunset, seeming to mingle its billowy
foliage with the dim, gray sky
which* bounded the distant horizon. In
the north, behind the tent, only the great
grass-grown pmirio rolled -away as far as
the eye could reach, covered with the
lights anil shadows of an October morning,
gemmed uow and tlien by the few
gorgeons autumnal flowers which the
frost hod' left untouched, and which
gleamed richly forth in the mazy depths
of the brown; tall trees.
Horace Gray gazed long and curiously
at this truly magnificent scene ; and then
bending tenderly over the slight form of
his delicate ypung wife, he said, earnestly:
"I hate'not yet asked my Qerty
how rw*ll She likes her new home."
Those words, were spoken anxiously,
and the speaker's voice trembled a very
little ; but the young wife looked up with
a bright,.cheerful smile upon her face,as
she said, enthusiastically: " There isno
need of it,.Horace-; I love it already. I
little thought, whenJE left my dear Eastern
hdme, to what a fairv land you were
taking mb. *'' I 'know I. shall be -perfectlyoontented
httfe, with this .lovely scene
spread .pjut forever before me. Only
see," she continued, licr sweet, girlish
face lighting hp lhore and more, " what
a soft, beautiful sky stretches above us,
and what a ?nlon.liJ
How gorgeous -is the 'coloring of these
late flowirs.; how. Boft and billowy tho
prairie looks;*h6W"grand and solemn
those dark old .woods .yonder ; and how
sweet and peaceful that little rill which
meanders along so joyously 1 Oh, my
Horace ! will we not be happy here ?"
She lifted her eyes confidingly to her
hnsband's face, as she conoluded speaking,
and with a glad,, happy heart ho
clasped her Tigain and again tenderly to
his bosom.
"DearGerty, he said, earnestly, "I
have bo often feared that you would
droop and pine in this lonely plaoe, that
It makes me rery happy to hear you
speak thus. I nm very glad that you
think you shall like your new home."
" Feared that I should pine, and you
with me, Horaeo?" she said, reproachfully.
" But you have ever before been
surrounded by so many true, sincere
friends," he answered.
" Of whom my husbund was the truest
and the best! No, no, I never can be
lonely with yon."
"But I know you must sometimes
sigh for the loved ones you have left
behind," her husband answered. "Do
you think I shall be sufficient for you
then ? Will you not mourn for the
sound of other voices, and your heart
thirst for other love than mine?"
He bent his head slightly forward, and
looked earnestly, almost anxiously, iuto
her face.
"Horace," she answered, truthfully,
" when I promised to become your wife,
I knew full well all that I must forsake
in coming hero with you; yet I came.
I knew it must be years" before the sight
of father, mother, sister, or brother
would gladden my eyes; yet I gave
111"* fnr nnn wlin a1w\lll<1 Kn nmvn
than all of these. I catnfe hero with a
full knowledgo of the step I was hiking,
and do not now, and am sure I never
shall, regret it. That I should mourn
for those I have left sometimes, is only
natural; but were it you, instead of
them, from whom I was parted, then my
grief would be much the greater. This
parting I can bear, but I could not
that."
And she nestled both of her small
white hands trustingly into his.
" Then you love and value me more
than all of these, my Gerty-?" he asked,
joyfully.
"Ay, "more than the whole wide,
wide world besides," was answered,
earnestly.
Again he clasped her fondly to his
heart, and, upon releasing her, said:
" See, Gerty, the sun is gaining upon us
while wo stand here talking, and the
horses begin to grow impatient. I must
away now, if I would return to you before
sunset. Are you sure you shall
not be afraid to stay alone in my absence
?"
" Oh, yes!" she answered, cheerfully.
" I am going to be your brave
little wife, you know. Besides, I must
accustom myself to being alone, and
this will bo a nice time to begin."
" I am very glad that you are so
light-hearted about it, for I shall go
away the happier. There, kiss me once !
jnow good-bye !" And lie jumped
lightly into the heavy wagon.
" You will be at home before dark,
won't you, Horace ?"
"Yes, love!" And the whip cracked
about the ears of the impatient horses,
and with many a backward glance,
Horace Grey, sped along on hie journey.
Gertrude shed a few quiet tears, which
were soon brushed away, as he disappeared
in the tall prairie grass far away
to the eastward; and, then, with a light
laugh, humming a gay tune, she culled
a handful of the choicest of the late
flowers blooming around, and then re- j
turned slowly to the tent.
Once there, she began to arrange the
few household utensils which had already
arrived, in perfect order, against
her husband's return. They cousisted
of only a plain pine table, two chairs, a
rude camp bed, and a few smaller articles;
and, therefore, in a very'few moments
they were. arranged to suit her.
Some of tlier flowers which she had
gathered, she placed in a broken pitcher
upon ttie table, and the rest were woven
into a light wreath, that she hung over
the tent door.
This done, to keep her thoughts from
dwelling too much upon her loneliness,
she drew a book from her pocket and
commenced to read. Becoming interested,
at.last, the hours flew by unheeded,
until at length she was aroused to a sense
of her situation by a peculiar, smoky
smell, which impregnated the air of the
tent., ltising from her seat, she went
hastily towards the door and looked out.
The sky all around seemed .tilled by a
thick, dark vapor, and the air felt hot
and oppressive, while a peculiar, sound
came from the northward,
With a horrible, sickening fear struggling
in her heart, she sprang out away
from the tent, and giving a single glance
in the direction from whence it.canje,
staggered suddenly forward, with her
hands pressed ' tightly over a still,
ghastly face, from whence every particle
of color had fled, leaving it liko the
snowdrift. In that glance, a terrible
truth, which mode her brain dizzy and
I Uaw oi/ilr ?
uui ucuib niv a, iiwi UCCll 1U1UU11 U|)OIl Ill'I".
Far away to the northward the whole
wide pnurie was on tire, and ' lik6 the
tempest-tossed wayes of the ocean, the
mad flames were leaping over the dry,
tangled prairie grass towards per, like
ravenous monsters eager for their prey.
"Great God!" slio gasped, faintly,
" Thon art all-powerful; oh, save me
for my Horace's sake !"
At this thought of her husband, renewed
strength came to the sinking
form of the young wife, and she resolved
to struggle yet resolutely for life, if it
were only for his sake. Suddenly, like
a half-forgotton dream, there dawned
upon her confused brain the remembrance
of something her husband had
told her long before, and which she had
never thought- of afterwards until thon.
" I will try, V .she eried, eagerly. " Ho
said a counter-tire was the best course
any one could pursue in such a situation.
Heaven must have sent that thought."
She sprang to her feet, and entered
the tent onco more. The tin box was
nowhere in sight?her husband must
have taken it?and she well knew that
there were no matches at hand. One lost
hope remained to her; some of the fire
Horaoe had made the night before ought
be remaining. On that, she felt, rested
her life or death, and with trembling
hands sho raked over the ashes. Not a
single spark rewarded her search.
" Lost, lost!" she cried, wringing her j
hands; " all hope is lost, and I may as
well submit at last ! What an end to all
my dreams of happiness ! I must save
myself ! I must tind a way soon, for in
a few moments it will be too late. Father
in heaven, direct me ! Oh, I cannot
remain hero to 'je burned alive! It is
too horrible !"
She sprang out in the thick, stilling
; air. During her absence the tir: laid .
: made fearful progress, ami was now almost
upon her. As it came roaring
j towards her, the dense smoke stifled and
' blinded her; with every sense but a dej
sire to escape benumbed and palsied,
j she sprang away in the opposite direc
tion like a hunted deer. Only once she
paused and gazed behind her. The tent
j she had just left was on fire, and the
; flames were spreading nfter her. On?
on, faster and faster she flew ?still she
j could hear the crackling, hissing sound
close behind her, nearer and nearer; unJ
til the hot air scorched her delicate skin,
j It was a terrible race?a race for life and
love?which that weak woman ran with
the roaring, hungry monster behind her.
; Who would conquer ?
Still on she run, her speed increasing,
i for the love of life was yet strong, until
j something yawned before her. It was a
clear, soft-flowing stream of water; and,
with a glad cry and a quick bound, she
had crossed it. She stood upon the little
island?there was water all around
her?and, with a grateful heart, she sank
wearily upon her knees. But all danger
was not ovty. Where she had crossed,
the brook was very narrow for several
feet in length; and, as alight wind fanned
the flames upon the opposite bank, the
result was yet doubtful.
| But Gertrude's brniu had become
clear, her wits more keen, and she was
ready for this emergency. With her
own weak hands she broke two great
branches from a bush which grew close
beside her. With one in each hand, she
stood calmly up, and watched the progress
of the fire. Soon, as she had expected,
a stronger gust of wind sent the
nearest flames towering far up, until
they had crossed the barrier betweerf
them, and caught in the dry grass at her
feet. But she was fully prepared. For
moments, that seemed like ages to her,
she fought bravely with the names. At
last, she conquered. Her efforts were
successful; the tire passed her, but it I
left her secure.
Tile hot air had burned and blistered
upon her face; the smoke had choked
and stifled her; but not until it all was
passed, and she was again free from
; danger, did her strength utterly give
| way. The flames still rolled and biased
I around her; but she knew it not. She
had fainted.
Hours, long, blissful hours rolled on,
but still she remained in that death-like
swoon. At last a voice sounded over the
prairie?a voice that was wont to send
the warm blood coursincr tliroucrh everv
vein, but now it awoke 110 answering
thrill. A moment more, and Horace
stood beside her, pressing her light form
madly to heart.
" Gerty, my wife?my Gerty !" he
cried, passionately; " you caunot be
dead! I expected to find you a blackened
corpse on my return. Heaven lias
saved you, and you must live for my
sake." "
He bathed her face with the water
from the brook, but it was long, very
long, ere"she exhibited any signs of returning
life.* At length she opened her j
| eyes wearily.
" It is a terrible fire!" she said,
faintly. " Oh, Horace, I would I might
live to see yon once more !"
"I am here, Gerty; don't you sco
me?" lie answered, pressing her closer
to him. -"The fire has all died away;
but, thank God, it. has left you to me,
my wife. T care. nothing for the rest,
so that my darling is uninjured."
For a lopg while she-lay in his arms as
weak'and helpless ,as a babe; but after
an hour's rest and quiet, her strength
was in some degree restored, so that she
was able to sit up, and tell her husband
calmlv of her Deril aud escunp. With
grateful hearts, they sank upon their
knees together, anil thanked God for the
victory.
A few months later, and a neat, taste
ful log cabin marked the site of the tent
which had been burned; but this time
there was no fear that the fire would
ever reach it, for the immigrants adopted
precautious to prevent it.
Destroying Wills..
There is very good reason to suspect,
the New York Times says, that numbers
of those persons who are supposed to die
intestate do not so dio in- fact. In too
mauy instances the will hns been destroyed.
The temptation offered is too
strong to be resisted. There is a bright
fire in the grate, and, standing beside it,
the tin ler of a will peruses olause after
clause only to discover that a sum infinitely
less than ho thinks his due has
been bequeathed to him. Let him drop
the document into the flames, and, under
j the assumed intestacy, a handsome slice
1 must be his. The solicitor may, indeed,
i produce a duplicate, which can bo en
| tered tor probate, and the criminal may
' thus timl nimsolf defeated. But what
then? The crime, at all ovents, cannot
be brought home to him. It was the
opinion of one of those most experienced
in testamentary suits tliat this
offense is frequently perpetrated.
The Newport (Rhode Island) Neivn
warns its friends outside the State "that
we will not tamely submit to irreverent
remarks about our size, for we are large
enough to boast of two capitals and four
candidates for Governor."
Just Like Human Beings.
I lmve often amused myself by watch
I ing the. inhabitants of a farmyard, and
I seeing how the cows have their laws of
precedence aud etiquette as clearly defined
as.those of any European court.
Every cow knows h ;r place ami keeps
it; she will not condescend to take a
lower, and would not be allowed to take
a higher. When a newly bought calf is
first introduced to the farmyard, it is
treated just like a new boy at school.
The previous inhabitants of the yard
come and inspect it contemptuously,
they decline its society, they crowd it
away from the hay racks; ami a new
comer in a farmyard has about as much
chance of npproaching the rack at feeding-time
as a new boy has of getting
near the firo on a cold winter day.
However, as time goes on, the young
calf increases in growth, and is allowed
to mix with her companions 011 tolerably
equnl terms. Then, if a younger animal
than herself be admitted, it is amusing
to see with what gratification she bullies
the new-comer, and how much higher
she seems to rank in her own estimation
when she is no longer the juuior.
Should the fates be propitious, she
arrives at the dignity of being senior
cow, and never fails to assert that dignity
on every occasion. When the
cnttla arc taken out of the yard to their
jmanuc ill lll? lliuilllll^, I'UU WUt'Il HIPJ
return to it in the evening, she will not
allow any one except herself to take the
lead. I have heard of one instance
where the man in charge of the cows
would not allow the "ganger," as the
head cow is often called, to go out first.
The result was that she refused to go
out at all; and, in order to get her out
of the yard, the man had to drive all the
other cows back again, so that she might
take her proper place at their head.
Do Not Worry About Yourself.
To retain or recover health, persons
should be relieved from all anxiety concerning
disease. The mind has power
over, tlic body, for a person to think he
has n disease will often produce that
disease. This we see effected when the
mind is intensely ooncentrated on the
disease of another. It is found iu the
hospitals * hat surgeons and physicians
who make a specialty of certain diseases
are liable to die of them themselves;
and the mental strain is so great that
sometimes people die of diseases which
they have only in imagination. We
have seen a person sea-sick in anticipation
of a voyage, ere reaching the vessel.
We have known persons to die of an
imaginary cancer in the stomach, when
they had no cancer or any other mortal
disease. A blindfolded man, slightly
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died from believing that he was bleeding
to death. Therefore, well persons, to remain
so, should be cheerful and happy,
aud sick persons should have their attention
diverted as much as possible
from themselves. It is by their faith
that men are saved, aud it is bv their
faith tliey die. As a man thinketh so is
he. If he wills not to die he can often
live in spite of disease, and if he has little
or no attachment to lifo ho will slip
away as easily as a child will fall asleep.
Men live by their souls and not by their
bodies. Their bodies have 110 life of
themselves, they are only receptacles of
life?tenements for their souls, and the
will has much to do in containing the
physical occupancy or giving it up.
The Story of a Conductor.
Conductors of trains are almost daily
annoyed by the presence in the cars of
individuals possessed neither of tickets
nor money, and who have to be put
ashore at the earliest opportunity. A
few days since the conductor of an eastward
bound train on the other side of the
"hill," says a Sacramento paper, found
that he had a " deadhead " of this class
among his passengers, and three different
times stopped the train to put him
off. each time giving emphasis to the
matter by the application of his boot,
but it invariably happened that the undesirable
passenger managed to get 011
ooaru nuoui ?is soon as ine conductor.
The third time the conductor remained
ashore watching the chnp until the train
had attained such headway that he felt
confident that the deadhead could not
get on?in fact, he had to- spring in a
lively manner to accomplish it himself ;
but as soon as he got straightened upon
his feet he found the impecunious riding
along with the rest. Somewhat discouraged,
the conductor turned to him
and inquired: " Where iu biuzes are yon
going, anyway?" " Wol^." said the
not-to-be-got-nd-of, " I'm going to
Chicago, if my pants hold out, but if I'm
going to bo kicked every five minutes I
don't believe I'll make the trip." The
conductor let him ride.Which
He Preferred.
A New York judge had before him a
man named John Bingham,'Vho pleaded
guilty to the charge of bigamy, both of
the wives being present iu court. His
counselor privately cross-examined tho
bigamist, but he insisted nooii huvinc a
plea of guilty entered.
The counsel (addressing the court)?
Your lienor, I think this man has hud
punishment enough from his two wives,
and that should be taken into consideration
in passing sentence.
Reoorder?Prisoner, which would
you rather have tho court do?discliarge
you to live with your two wives, or sentence
you to State prison for threo
years (
Prisoner?Your honor, send me to
State prison for mercy's sake 1
Reoorder?I grant your reouest, and
send you to State prison for thrco years
at hard labor.
Nervous Excitement.
One dreadful form of nervous excitement
very prevalent among all classes of
society is that which is commonly culled
"dipsomania." A weak tendency to
drink becomes an insane tendency. ,We
are especially liable to it at the present
time, because so many of us are overwrought.
Our actors, our orators, our
oommercial men, can hardly keep up the
nervous energy require 3 to go through
with their work, and so they take alcohol
to get up the steam of the mind. Wo
believe if a man has to go through a certain
amount of bodily work he will do it
better if he takes a little stimulant. In
cases of mental strain, the freer he keeps
from stimulant the better. Let him always
eat something when he 'drink".
Let him drink as little stimulant as possible
as a rule; let him substitute coffee
or cocoa for spirits and wine, and he
will be fresher for work and last out
b? tter. The body is a tough machine,
but jou must treat it fairly; and so of
the mind?it is usually tough enough,
but you can upset it. We beseech you,
workers, to watch yourselves, especially
in this matter of taking stimulants. But
what shall we ray of the pleasure makers?
Young people should enjoy themselves
if enjoyment comes innocently. But
what do wo see constantly ? We see
young people whose susceptibilities are
keenly alive to everything that oomes
from without, fresh and healthy young
girls of seventeen and eighteen, at
parties and balls, who really require no
stimulant, or the least possible amount
?a little wine and water at most. Well,
these young girls drink champagne at
intervals, glass after glass; they do not
know how much they do drink. .They
have not been cautioned. It is "overexcitability
; it is thoughtlessness. But
it is like throwing vitriol upon roses to
apply sueli an amount of stimulant to
young, healthy bodies, A little thought
would constantly set all this right.
The Spare Bed.
When I go to the country to visit my
relatives, writes M. Quad, the spare bed
rises up before my imagination days
before I start, and I shiver as I remember
how cold'aud grave-like the sheets
are. I put off the visit as long as possible,
solely on account of that spare bed.
I don't like to tell them that I had rather
sleep on a picket feuce than to enter that
spare room and creep into that spare
bed, and so they know nothing of my
sufferings. 9
The spare bed is always as near a mile
ami a half from the reaf, nf lh? Vwtiln an
it can be located. It's either up stairs
at.the head of the hall, or off in the
parlor. The parlor curtains linvo not
been raised for weeks; everything is as
grim as an old maid's bonnet, and the
ed is as square and ti ue as if it had
been made up to a carpenter's rule.
No matter whether it be summer or
winter, the bed is like ice, and it sinks
down in a way to make one shiver. The
sheets are slippery clean, the pillow
slips rustle like shrouds, and one dare
not stretch his leg down for fear of kicking
against a tombstone.
One sinks down until he is lost in the
hollow, and foot by foot the prim bedposts
vanish from sight. He is worn out
and sleopy, but he knows that the rest
of the family are so far away that no one
could hear him if he should shout for an
hour, and this makes him nervous. He
wonders if any one ever died in that
room, and straightway he sees faces of
dead persons, hears strange noises, and
presently feels a chill galloping up and
down his back.
Did any one ever pass a comfortable
night in a spare bed ( no matter how
many quilts and spreads coverod him he
could not get warm, and if he accidentally
fell asleep it was to awake with a
start, under the impression that a dead
man was pulling his uose. It will be
days and weeks before he recovers from
the impression, and yet he must suffer
in silence, because the spore bed was
assigned him in token of esteem and affection.
A Wife's Rights.
Here is a love story, not out of the
"Decameron," but one of the modern
jurisprudential style: A rich New York
widower of fifty-two, who was about to
marry a young woman of twenty-three,
in order to convince liis daughters that
his young wife married himself and not
his $150,000, made his estate over to his
daughters just before marriage, but
without informiug his intended of the
love t"et. When she found it out, after
marriage, slio showed how much she
thought of her husband's worldly goods,
as well as her husband, by going to law
to recover. And she did recover, the
court holding that dower being highly
favored in equity, as a moral as well as
legal right, " the inchoate rights of the
wife are as much entitled to protection
as the vested rights of the widow," and
that the deed executed before her marriage,
uudei the facts and circnmstanees
of this case, should have no more effect
iiruin lioi* i.lifin if ATA.
cuted afterwards.
A (looi? Speech.?One of the best
political speeches ever made came from
the lips of a military gentleman during
the last Senatorial contest in West Virginia.
It was as follows: Gentlemen?
If no one will rnako a speech, I will,
and I will stop when I get done. Citizens
of West Virginia, if you would all
take the same interest in developing the
resources of your country by opening
your rich mines, cultivating the soil, improving
your stock, and cultivating
habits of industry that you take hunting
public offices for yourselves or
friends, you would soon have one of the
first and best Statos in the Union.
On | Spelling Match.
[ One of John O. Whittier's sweetest
metrical gems, "School Days," is devoted
to showing the regret of a browneyed
New England girl at having
"spelled down
the little boy
Her childish favor singled."]
"I'm sorry that I spelt the ward,
I hate to to above you.
Because"?-the brown eyes lower fell?
" Because, you see, I love yon."
Still memory to a gray-haired man
That sweet ohila face is showing ;
Dear girl, the grasses on her grave
Have forty years been growing.
He lives to learn in life s hard school
How few who peea above him
Lament the triumph and his loss
Like her?because they love him.
Items of Interest.
.Something that ought to be pat down
.?carpets.
The lawyers ore coming oat with
spring suits.
What holds all the snuff in the world ?
No one nose.
What is it that a poor man has and a
rich man wants 1 Nothing.
It appears that ooining copper is not
profitable. The government has not
made a half cent since 1857.
Mark Twain denies that his " Gilded
Age" was a failure. He says it gave a
poor, worthy bookbinder a job.
Prof, of Rhetorio: " What important
change came over Burns in the latter
part of his life?" Senior: "He died."
The latest addition to the umbrella is
*a pane of glass, inserted in the front
breadth, through which the holder can
see his way.
At Manchester, England, the other
day a woman was found guilty of unintentional
bigamy and was sent to prison
for one day.
"John, John, wake up, there's a burglar
in the house," said his wife. John
sat upright in bed. " Burglar, b-n-r
g-l-e-r?burglar"?and he rolled over
waiting for a harder word.
Emperor William has written to a desoendent
of Handel that a new quarter is
to be added to the city of Berlin, in
which all the streets will.be pamed after
Germany's musical celebrities.
Take life easy, and don't always be
trying to beat the sun up, says an exchange.
You may win for awhile, but in
the long ran you"are sure to be beaten,
and some morning it will rise when you
don't.
A fom ilova a<yo A If AAIAMJ
a. *v?? u tagv/ B? JLXCUIIUVAT W1U1CU
man bought a catfish, and in dressing it
found growing in the flesh of the fish a
separate tissue in the form of a human
hand, about as large as that of an infant
a year old.
The first number of a Colorado paper
prints a two colnWnn list of the staple
products of the new State. It is chiefly
made up of minerals, but includes deer
horns, live eagles and similar fruits of
a fertile soil.
Viscount de Losgeril. has investigated
apothecaries' profits. He says that a
bottle of seidhtz water, sold for twentyfive
oents, costs to make it one cent and
a half, and that other profits generally
tfre in this proportion.
"Augustus, dear," said she, tender
pushing him from her as the moonlight
flooded the bay-window where they were
standing, "I think you had better try
some other hair dye; your mustache
tastes like turpentine."
Wolf scalps are received in payment
of taxes in Missouri at the rate of
five dollars a scalp. The legislative oommittee
appointed the other day to burn
the scalps accumulated in the last two
years destroyed about ?6,000 worth.
A Minneapolis butcher dreamed one
night that he had only seven fingers, and
the next day he cut off a finger with an
unlucky stroke of a oleaver, That night
he dreamed he hadn't any hood, and
he has ever sinoe been living in terribledread.
The ore from the Newburyport eilver
mines increases in richness as the shafts
are sunk?an assay last week yielding at
the rate of $6,000 a ton. Six hundred
feet of land on the Boynton lode were
sold, recently, to a Springfield company
for $160,000.
"Yon may go on inventing washing
machines for the next fifty years, but to
the average eye you can't" patent anything
erpud to the sight of a lady's diamond
rings flashing in and out of the
sparkling suds as she thumps a wet towel
up and down the washboard."
Georgo Smith, who worked by nighte
in a Troy car shop, when called upon to
elope with the wife of his friend Anderson,
first made -arrangements with his
employer that Anderson should be promoted
to the position he vacated. The
contract was fulfilled all around.
The fish of Lake Erie, imprisoned by
ice, have been dying because they had
too much water and not enonch air.
Now, the fowl 011 Lake Huron are starving
because they have too much air and
cannot get at the fish through the ioe.
There seems to be a predicament for the
fish in either case.
On All Fools Day some Hartford wag
sent letters to most of the members or
the clerical profession, inviting them,
singlv,to be present at the United States
Hotel to unite a couple in marriage.
Not dreaming of a trick, and not knowing
that others had been invited, each
clergyman who had received a note wsnt
to the hotel at the appointed hour, and
all found tin y had been made the victims
of a practical joke. It ia said that nine
ministers were there at sOe time.