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Lucius Stonerap o win r BY BOB CRAFT COLUMNIST A SATIRE Saturday night, my old friend Lucius P. Stonerap showed up at my house with a a pronouncement, "Bob, I got it! I know how we can win the war!" I told Stonerap that the cease-fire had gone into effect about an hour before and that there was no need for end-the-war plans anymore. "Ahh, man, yeah, I know that. The war has ended, but we didn't win it, man! I know how we can win it!" Stonerap doesn't generally delve into semantics so I was intrigued. "You see, Bob, right now the only way we gonna win the war is by con vincing ourselves that we won it. You see, the only way to do that is through the mass media and what is the biggest of all our mass media? TeeVee, naturally. "Now folks, believe what they see on the television, like they used to believe their newspapers .. I mean, lookit, we got M A S H going on right now and before long that show is gonna have us believe we came out of Korea better than even despite what the history books say," Stonerap had led me into another of his traps, so I had to ask him what he had in mind. "Why a TeeVee show, naturally. Now naturally, it couldn't be about a combat unit, it has to have sort of a light touch and there wasn't too much of that in the Nam. Sooo, what I'm proposing is a show about the peace-keeping force . . "See, it'd be safe, really safe. We could have it focus on a Canadian "Organics" a FOR MORE INFORM DO IT NOW FOl P. O. BOX PHOENIX, ARI2 The first "bummer" drug which was supposed to be tett tic product with heavy marij out in virtually every case to I with many adverse reactions. started wising up a little. I PCP substitution was early 19 first became a popular topic i people didn't catch on, as real tion was largely confined to i Today, the fact th t virtu around is actuall Each new ge phoney THe rocannabfijal even begin to earned $2, or e OWs.the y search for Avenue hyp' 1 become more in search of M er toua The troubi unfavorable nmli m drugs, the ra taking LSn which alle rams in were tu rMIjst i "mescal i sion LSD-PWeseMWatione demand for "organic" chem: LSD has in reality skyrocket4 We would like also to make of dealers have never had r though they all think they ha Experienced users will swa silocybin" which contains o resemblance to their LSD exr: often swear that the reactiona even though PCP's reactions iNam as the main character, that way since Canadians don't have accents, we could have an American play him. Since the force only carries there would be a minimum of viol ence for P3store and think of scen ery shots as the peace keeper flies over Vietnam in those white helicopters," Stonerap whirled his arms. "There could be adventure as our dauntless Canadian breaks up the black market, investigates the Saigon chapter of Save the Children Foundation and help clean up the B-girl rings. "There could be comedy as our Canadian tries to start an ice hockey team at Con Thien, you know that sort of thing. "Now here's the important part. We slowly shift the content of the shows until the American people, see that it was right for us to go into Vietnam, you know, have squirrely little V.C. break the peace every week, until after a few years the American public will be scream ing for us to go back into Vietnam to win this thing once and for all!" I asked Stonerap what would hap-. pen if he couldn't find a sponsor and what would happen if it was can celled. "No problem, Dow Chemical is trying for a comeback and we just let the network schedule us after Mary Tyler Moore; we'll run forever", Stonerap had me again. "Well," Stonerap wearily got to tis feet and placed his hand over his heart, "It's the least I can do for my President.Xou see, Bob, we gotta knuckle down and win the peace. We want an honorable peace and it won't be honorable until we win it." ctually LSD ATION WRITE: JNDATION 5115 ONA 85010 was "THC." This chemical, rahydrocannabinao, a synthe uana effects, actually turned e PCP, an animal tranquilizer After m ps, people 'he firs about the 57, hen THC ri t . Still, many list rug educa vor ally "THC" going 1 y its users. ' buys this al tetrahyd rodu ey couldn't chemical ith their hard has beerr ld for. able pu ity, increased ig Madison 'you, it has or "psilocybin" ar mng for. 10 ople are experiencing from these "milder" We ing to avoid by not ystery to many, analysis pog . the samples lly all of the D, oron occa .us, With the increased icals, the actual ingestion of d. a note that as many as 90% eal mescaline or psilocybin, ve.^ sar that "mescaline" and "p nly LSD bore absolutely no eriences. Users of fake THC vas like a "heavy grass high", are totally unlike marijuna. Letters Welcome Letters to the editor on topics are welcome but subject to editing and condensation to meet style and space require ments. All letters must be typed and must be signed with the full name, address and phone number of the author. Unsigned letters or those with pseudonyms will not be printed. 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