University of South Carolina Libraries
V)V CAMIrVOCU PUBLISHED WEEILY BY THE LITERARY SOCIETIES Terms $1.50 a Year Entered at Columbia, S. C., postoffice November 20, 1908 As second class mail matter. APRII, 1. 1). The Editorial Staff Has Struck for Higher Wages This Edition of The Gamecock Was Put Out By the Faculty BUSINESS. J. S. Nunamaker Manager. Believe It or Not: Dr. Keiledy is tile librariall, .\l drew is only the assistant (some say onil the janitor). Dr. \Wells states that, inl spite of the attenldant inconl veniences, he in tetnds to allow the deati to continue h]is occupancy of part of the regis tIar's Ilice. Such magnIalimit is wvIhat iakes life wortlh while. A1r. Th1oMas' sketch in the last "Who's \Wlh was no t Clitled "'Teaufort's answer to the Call of the Ages." .\Iiss Frances \W'annaiiiaker re fuses to believe that her election as tile mllost popllal co-ed was initenid ed as a joke. .\iss 1'orraille llendry, ex-presi denit of the Y. W., mlemlber of the .llonor Club, etc.. ad inf., came with iii an ace of being declared the best flapper in our campus collection. Clark 'loy(d took a quiz on the (lay for which it was assigtned-last Iliorne Spari6man was otl time for iistory the other day to the wonder a(l atmvazemient of Dr. Gren, who was so Upset he disiliss ed tle class tel minutes ahead of tille. Dick Spencer insists that "Billy" Sunday is wrong when he says all who believe ill 1'volutiou are fools, and half-wa\- to hell already. Jhe Bell tsed to be so thin that tile tailor w%.otl(l lit his clothes on a '.ISquare. ( )f cotrse that was long ag. J- iw ias a slapely atiletic biild-anld is presi(lelt of a Bible class. Johln [.rs-kine I hankinls says lhe cani remlemb ter the t imie when he counldn't write poe~)try at all. inivitinig "Hii liy" Sunday to pr'y op en lie I 'rsk ine game was simplj y a co'urtesy to thle great man (Clau<Ie SIherrill, et al ., oif 'ournse had n10 idea o f utsing \ Ir. Sunday as a drtawinig cardl. Ray ! Shierrill! TheC t Univers*ity suet bodyh, all byv itself, gav~e $10 to14 the i'uropean Student Relief I''und( and( the two niegroi schools ill town <iidn'it give buitt a little tmore I than $100), pe eC(achI. "Hb"11 Ioe and( "Fat" ''Kelly st ill dleny thI at theiy were accomiplices in "'Mutt'' .\l illard's thleft of George WVitt's wr,'iting des5k. H ollin .:\bramis has niever eaten miore thanl inteteenI sl ices oif pie at one( sitting. Coleman K areshl, a fter winning a pllace oni the nlegative teaml (If the Big TrianIgle, wvas still wealthy enoulgh to snap1 the State Oratorical P reliminary. Patrick's record of fourteer .straight hbnnnnna~ stl nd. Ike doesi't put up his hair in curl papers as soiue would have it. He does all that with curling irons. PIrof. Rucker alleges that the only way to keep his law class (Iuiet is to begini asking questions-for then they're all busy reading the next case. Jo Wnny \\'armath really doesi't juml1p through the vinldow every lime lie iakes his exit from class. \\hen 1ob oh l)Iiiiiiids birought a bell to Prperty class ()xner was afirai<l to say a Word, but Wells de lied himli, and-ting-a-ling-a-ling! We are told that "'h'le Lord watches over fools and children," but if that's really true "e ent do e (1)oty" wlen he let "Red" T1lhoipson tutr I 'ro. Women 'Tlie Bible tells us that a long tilie ago, just after God muade this world and put all the other animals in it, lie decided that it was neces sary to have soIe superior form of Ilesh to watch over alnd be the boss of them all. So lie created the Gar den f loideii and put all sorts of iice thiigs tlIere, such as we poor mnor tals can oily read about,1 but never see. Anid after lie did this, he crea ted another tw(o-legged animal and iade iiiii tle geieral caretaker (t the whole thing. This animal was called \dai, better known as tle great-great-great-gran'daddy of us all. BIt after a while old Adail got tired of holding down the whole job by himself and decided to go on a strike. VIdei was in a terrible con ditioll. hIere was nobody to culti vate the apple tr*ees -or to putl the baby crocodiles to sleep at night. 'T'lhe elephants coiplained that the supply of hay anld peanuts was giv ilig out, while the buffaloes kicked because their beds were not- made up properly. Adam was sick of the whole she-bang, but finally lie de cided to arbitrate. Whien brought before the Arbitiration Board, it de veloped that all that was the matter with him was a case of lonesome ness. Adam said that he'd be dog g(oned if hle'd do all the work in the World. The Llord immediately rec Olgnized the justice of his claim, so lie told Adam to go ofT aid go to sleep for a while, since lie was so tired. 'I'lien liwhen the poor man was wrapped inl peaceful slumbiler, the Lord took (lie of his ribs aid iiiade a woIman (lit (If it. So when Adam wo ke up lie folund him a helpmate, fresh fromi the factory, as blrand( niew~ aiid imade-to-order as a suiit oIf Kuppl)lenhleimier clothes. TIhis new helpmate's name was E,ve and sIhe was calledl womlan, a fter the coIm moon lBiblical expression, "'Woe to man. Thlus it was that Adam got his wish, bunt lie straightwvay began to regret it ; for this woman began to stir things tip in lden. She began asso0 ciating wvithI thle serpent, t he wolrst (If all thle animals andl endedl up b y eatinug somhe green applles t-hat the L ordl had tolld her not toI eat, and she made Adam eat them, t oo. 1Hesides getting a severe stonmch ache from thle apples, old( Adam ini fortmed that he couldn't stay around if lhe (lest royved soI much (If the fur niiture and that lie was also ini ar rears withI his rent-, so lie wvould h'-ne to get ouit. Adam goIt an<(l took his wife with him, and the Lord p)lacedl an angel with a flaming swordi at the gate so that lie could inever get black. iIe went out to e'arnling his bread lby thle swc t of his brow aind all his children hk ye been dloing it ever since. Thus it was that woman made lier first dleibut' in the world and shie lias hee the pridle_of man's heart and the thorn in his flesh ever since. Rve's traits of character have de scended to all her daughters, but the human race would be pretty badly off without them. In the present (lay that one rib of Adam's has outgrown the rest of his body to such an extent that we must con ieede man to be the under log. Wo-I man is boss and she enforces her rule with the broom and the rolling pin, and as a last resort she can turn to her greatest weapon, tears. 11er greatest aim is the conquest of man and she resorts to all the arts of na ture and those not of nature in order to capture him. But when she has once caught him, look out ! TIhe timid, clinging vine becomes a do iestic tyrant, tormenting man with constant directions "not to muddy Lii) that carpet with your dirty shoes or to "bring in some stovewood right nlow, do you hear?" Nobody but the old bachelor can really live in peace. But all men are fools and will not take advice, preferring to teach themselves in the School of '.xperience. though most of them learn too late the mistake they have iiade. So it seems that wonian will colitinue in her course of conquest in spite of all adjurationls to the conl trary, but- we have only to say to the miien, "Remember Adam." C. C. Dramatic Club Presents 'Foolish Husbands" )n T]hursday evening of the past week the Columbia College Dra matic Club presented another of the line plays that have lately been at tracting wide attention to the club. Several Carolina students partic ipated ill the play. The house was packed with an eager and apprecia tive audience. All inl all, the occasion was a great success. The play presented was "Foolish Ilus)anids," a tragedy by the well known manl-hater, l iss Olivia Stewart, of Newberry. The ac cuiplishied young authoress has been displaying great talent, and since the success of this, her latest play, her future is assured. The greatest critics have said that her only defect lay in her constant aver sionl to the stronger sex, and hence her ilcapal)ility of delinleatiig a m1.an's character correctly. I low ever, since coling to the University, she las rapidly overcome this de ficiency, both in practice and in her writing. lier career should niow be one of unplaralleled brillianicy. In the actual per formanice of the play, bo0th the Carolina boys and( ltheir fair~ part ner-s deserve thle hiighi est praise. IIlowever, Alr. Robert 11 ope was by long 0(dds the shining star of the per formnance, evervon'te admiiitt ing thait lhe was the biggest fool in the whole bunch, lie acted the part of an old and corpulent WVall Street 1broker, whoi was (con fitnedl to his 1bedl-ro(on by an at tack of that mialady usually peentliar to clhldhoodl ; niamiely, miiups. Th'lis old1 gentlenman, Alr. Rot terbachi, wvas very ill-tenmp eredl and( (luarrelsomle. I othi in his p)ersonial appearance and( in his temiperamient Mri. II ope was well suited to this part. Mir. Rot terbach was very fortun at e in hiav inig a young atnd pretty wvife, though with his coinstant grumblings and groiwl itngs lhe umade li fe a burdenCi to her. O ne morning, from the wiin do)w of his room, lhe chanced to see her giving some dlirections to the gardn er, Alrt. I lean pole, a pa rt act - ed by ''Mtt"' Millardl. le imnme diately biegatn to get jealous and openeid his mioth to uttter' a reflec tion uploni the inifidhelity of women. But, suffering a suddl(en twvinge of pain from t-he mumps, lie uittered in stena1 a full-sized1 roar, nd when his wife reached him he was sitting >n the floor. and heaping maledic tions upon her for "talking to. other men too much." However, the lady had plenty of spunk herself and ifter listening to this rot a few mo ments she completely silenced him with a rolling pin, hitting him upon is sorest and mumpiest check which induced a case of temporary lockjaw ind rendered Mr. Rotterbach ipeecliless. le immediately sent for his lawyer and sued for a di vorce on the grounds of self-pres -rvation. The case was carried to he Supreme Court and was tried before Chief Justice Taft, imper sonated by J. I). Humphries, who was selected for this part because of his abdominal prominence. In de fense of her action Mrs. Rotterbach :leclared that she could not endure ier husband's constant nagging and that he could have his divorce if he would pay her enough alimony. This it developed he could not do, as all his money was invested in lokum >il stock and he had no ready cash )n hand. The judge then called the lirst witness, Mr. Beanpole, the in niocent cause of the whole affair. Under a severe cross questioning he Almitted that he had had many coin rersations with the lady, but all on matters of business, about the care )f the garden. However, he added, with an attempt at gallantry, he had rreatly enjoved even that much of her conversation. When "Mutt" ;creaming to the bar and Npuld have itarted on the spot a divorce suit f her very own but for the earnest Lxhortations of her husband and her many friends. Mr. Beanpole de livered no further evidence. The judge next called to the stand i witness for the plaintiff, Mr. WV. J. Ready, the manufacturer and Ahief consumer of the well-known hiair tonic, Stay-Comb. Ir. Ready testified to the good character of the plaintit as one of his life-long friends. lie spoke very feelingly [If their many experiences together. "Nany times," he said, "have we uised Stay-Comb out of the same iottle, both for external and inter [lal purposes. The advantage is that when yvou have it on your hair, peo )le won't think to smell your breath." Mr. Ready then made a very clo juent and pathetic appeal for his friend, at times moving his audience to tears (of laughter). The next witness called was the R6otterbach butler, acted by Mr. Malcolm McCrae. I le was called up )1n to say whether lie had ever ob serv'ed any improper counduct on the plart of MIrs. Rotterbach. Hiowever, the htter also hadl a wife in the 'ourt and profiting lby MIr. Beau olde's experience, lhe fainted dead away liefore hie coiuldl utter a word. Judge "TIa ft"'I tllumpries then gave his dlecision. Ile decreedl that as the evidence was insutllicient,N Mr. and( Mr s. Ro t terb ashi must endure e'ach other a while longer. I lis wife being aot home, lhe made the state imnt that, if lie were not already a married nmaun, lie wvould grant thle dIivorce and ma rry theu lady himnself. Ile alsoi recommiiend(ed that NIMr. Rot - terbachi useC Doane's 1Kidnev Pills as a cure for mumps. le then launch ed into an elo<puent dliscourse upon01 the felicity (If mnarriedl life. I lere lhe suirpassedl himsel f. The fair authoress, NIiss Stewart, wvho was sitting in the back of the hall, was oveirieardl sp)eakling to her escort. "I'ant , she saidl, "'I didn't know liy Iplay was so good 01r that married life was so happy unitil I heard ''Skin ny mc-t-ighit. Nowv I almost be TIhiis concluded the per formance. I oud andI('i entusiast ic cheers re souinded through the hall. T1he play was over. It wvas a triumplh of the greatest-kind and one of which both C. C. n1 Carolina mna benrud Gungha Din (Revised Version.) Your squarish bottle on the table, With its highly-colored label, Belies tile mighty kick that lies within. But you'll fool me nevermore I know now if not before That you're a better man than I, Gordon's Gin. Your taste is nice and fuzzy, But you make me feel so wuzzy; A few drops always trickle down my chin. WVIhen I'm feeling kinda dry, You can put me way up high You're a better man than I, Gor (ol's Gin. Oh, I've stuck withl moonshine corn From sundown until dawn. What quantities I drank, it was a sin But with you I met defeat, For you routed me complete. You're a better man than I, Gor Soll's Gin. Yes. I know that you are able, T'o put me 'neath the table, While e'en your funny bottle seems to grin; 'ou ilhave done it oft before Put me down upon the floor You're a better man than I, Gor don's Gin. Approaching Marriage of Senior Announced At last the impossible has been lone. The immovable body has been moved. The vamnpire has been k,amped. All of which is in a way f announcing tile coming marriage .f our beloved senior, Leonidas C. Davis. Air. Davis has sojourned in our midst for four years, and for the last two years has been better known as Rudolph. IIis shiny, curly locks, his classic profile, his cerulean eves nd his figure like a young Greek god have been the cause of more heart-breaks at Chicora, C. C. and imong our co-eds than any other :ause yet known. Rudolph was the hero of C. C., the ideal of Chicora. lie set tile standard for our other young men of fancy in dress and in matters of social conduct. le is the Lord Chesterfield and the Beau Brummel of our campus. For four years the hearts of maidens, in this lair city. have palpitated at tile ring f a telephone. , hoping against hope, praying earnestly that it might b)e lDavis. iIe has becomie known as the only mian~ thlat couldl have two girls at C. C.. two at Chicora, two inl town andc still have his girl ill his home town. Inl anl interview last nighlt Mr. D avis madle this statemlent: "It is true that I have run around a h)it, bunt I have niever really bieen ill love. Now I really anm ini love andl iltendl joiining the ranks of tile lBenedicts.'' .r. D)avis' social secretary toldl ye scribe that his 'p)hone has bleenl ring ing all (lay with calls fromr ditTereni girls biegginig him to giv'e thleml one more (late b)efore hle takes this step). llut he remains adlamhant, he has commnit ted himself and he will not (10 anything that migh t compfllromlise lhmisel f. It is rumored that the IParamiount P icture Corporation has offered l. IDavis a fabulous sum to remhaini single lbut in vain. In fact hle made this statemnit, "I may beC pickle to somie girls hut a shot-gun wimll make any man heii I tru*e." Thel niame of tile 1idi(e has not1 1beeni disclosed to tile Gamtecock by AMr. D)avis or ihis secretary. Ini tile sprinlg young men's fanlcies lightly turn to: wha tile girls have beenI thlinkinlg abou.. all'..winter. --1lamzinago.