The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, April 01, 1923, Page PAGE TWO, Image 2
V)V CAMIrVOCU
PUBLISHED WEEILY BY THE
LITERARY SOCIETIES
Terms $1.50 a Year
Entered at Columbia, S. C., postoffice
November 20, 1908 As second class
mail matter.
APRII, 1. 1).
The Editorial Staff Has Struck
for Higher Wages
This Edition of The Gamecock
Was Put Out By the Faculty
BUSINESS.
J. S. Nunamaker Manager.
Believe It or Not:
Dr. Keiledy is tile librariall, .\l
drew is only the assistant (some say
onil the janitor).
Dr. \Wells states that, inl spite of
the attenldant inconl veniences, he in
tetnds to allow the deati to continue
h]is occupancy of part of the regis
tIar's Ilice. Such magnIalimit is
wvIhat iakes life wortlh while.
A1r. Th1oMas' sketch in the last
"Who's \Wlh was no t Clitled
"'Teaufort's answer to the Call of
the Ages."
.\Iiss Frances \W'annaiiiaker re
fuses to believe that her election as
tile mllost popllal co-ed was initenid
ed as a joke.
.\iss 1'orraille llendry, ex-presi
denit of the Y. W., mlemlber of the
.llonor Club, etc.. ad inf., came with
iii an ace of being declared the best
flapper in our campus collection.
Clark 'loy(d took a quiz on the
(lay for which it was assigtned-last
Iliorne Spari6man was otl time
for iistory the other day to the
wonder a(l atmvazemient of Dr.
Gren, who was so Upset he disiliss
ed tle class tel minutes ahead of
tille.
Dick Spencer insists that "Billy"
Sunday is wrong when he says all
who believe ill 1'volutiou are fools,
and half-wa\- to hell already.
Jhe Bell tsed to be so thin that
tile tailor w%.otl(l lit his clothes on a
'.ISquare. ( )f cotrse that was long
ag. J- iw ias a slapely atiletic
biild-anld is presi(lelt of a Bible
class.
Johln [.rs-kine I hankinls says lhe
cani remlemb ter the t imie when he
counldn't write poe~)try at all.
inivitinig "Hii liy" Sunday to pr'y
op en lie I 'rsk ine game was simplj y
a co'urtesy to thle great man
(Clau<Ie SIherrill, et al ., oif 'ournse had
n10 idea o f utsing \ Ir. Sunday as a
drtawinig cardl. Ray ! Shierrill!
TheC t Univers*ity suet bodyh, all
byv itself, gav~e $10 to14 the i'uropean
Student Relief I''und( and( the two
niegroi schools ill town <iidn'it give
buitt a little tmore I than $100), pe eC(achI.
"Hb"11 Ioe and( "Fat" ''Kelly
st ill dleny thI at theiy were accomiplices
in "'Mutt'' .\l illard's thleft of George
WVitt's wr,'iting des5k.
H ollin .:\bramis has niever eaten
miore thanl inteteenI sl ices oif pie at
one( sitting.
Coleman K areshl, a fter winning a
pllace oni the nlegative teaml (If the
Big TrianIgle, wvas still wealthy
enoulgh to snap1 the State Oratorical
P reliminary.
Patrick's record of fourteer
.straight hbnnnnna~ stl nd.
Ike doesi't put up his hair in curl
papers as soiue would have it. He
does all that with curling irons.
PIrof. Rucker alleges that the only
way to keep his law class (Iuiet is to
begini asking questions-for then
they're all busy reading the next
case.
Jo Wnny \\'armath really doesi't
juml1p through the vinldow every
lime lie iakes his exit from class.
\\hen 1ob oh l)Iiiiiiids birought a
bell to Prperty class ()xner was
afirai<l to say a Word, but Wells de
lied himli, and-ting-a-ling-a-ling!
We are told that "'h'le Lord
watches over fools and children,"
but if that's really true "e ent do e
(1)oty" wlen he let "Red" T1lhoipson
tutr I 'ro.
Women
'Tlie Bible tells us that a long
tilie ago, just after God muade this
world and put all the other animals
in it, lie decided that it was neces
sary to have soIe superior form of
Ilesh to watch over alnd be the boss
of them all. So lie created the Gar
den f loideii and put all sorts of iice
thiigs tlIere, such as we poor mnor
tals can oily read about,1 but never
see. Anid after lie did this, he crea
ted another tw(o-legged animal and
iade iiiii tle geieral caretaker (t
the whole thing. This animal was
called \dai, better known as tle
great-great-great-gran'daddy of us
all. BIt after a while old Adail got
tired of holding down the whole job
by himself and decided to go on a
strike. VIdei was in a terrible con
ditioll. hIere was nobody to culti
vate the apple tr*ees -or to putl the
baby crocodiles to sleep at night.
'T'lhe elephants coiplained that the
supply of hay anld peanuts was giv
ilig out, while the buffaloes kicked
because their beds were not- made up
properly. Adam was sick of the
whole she-bang, but finally lie de
cided to arbitrate. Whien brought
before the Arbitiration Board, it de
veloped that all that was the matter
with him was a case of lonesome
ness. Adam said that he'd be dog
g(oned if hle'd do all the work in the
World. The Llord immediately rec
Olgnized the justice of his claim, so
lie told Adam to go ofT aid go to
sleep for a while, since lie was so
tired. 'I'lien liwhen the poor man was
wrapped inl peaceful slumbiler, the
Lord took (lie of his ribs aid iiiade
a woIman (lit (If it. So when Adam
wo ke up lie folund him a helpmate,
fresh fromi the factory, as blrand(
niew~ aiid imade-to-order as a suiit oIf
Kuppl)lenhleimier clothes. TIhis new
helpmate's name was E,ve and sIhe
was calledl womlan, a fter the coIm
moon lBiblical expression, "'Woe to
man.
Thlus it was that Adam got his
wish, bunt lie straightwvay began to
regret it ; for this woman began to
stir things tip in lden. She began
asso0 ciating wvithI thle serpent, t he
wolrst (If all thle animals andl endedl
up b y eatinug somhe green applles t-hat
the L ordl had tolld her not toI eat,
and she made Adam eat them, t oo.
1Hesides getting a severe stonmch
ache from thle apples, old( Adam ini
fortmed that he couldn't stay around
if lhe (lest royved soI much (If the fur
niiture and that lie was also ini ar
rears withI his rent-, so lie wvould
h'-ne to get ouit. Adam goIt an<(l took
his wife with him, and the Lord
p)lacedl an angel with a flaming
swordi at the gate so that lie could
inever get black. iIe went out to
e'arnling his bread lby thle swc t of his
brow aind all his children hk ye been
dloing it ever since.
Thus it was that woman made lier
first dleibut' in the world and shie lias
hee the pridle_of man's heart and
the thorn in his flesh ever since.
Rve's traits of character have de
scended to all her daughters, but
the human race would be pretty
badly off without them. In the
present (lay that one rib of Adam's
has outgrown the rest of his body
to such an extent that we must con
ieede man to be the under log. Wo-I
man is boss and she enforces her
rule with the broom and the rolling
pin, and as a last resort she can turn
to her greatest weapon, tears. 11er
greatest aim is the conquest of man
and she resorts to all the arts of na
ture and those not of nature in order
to capture him. But when she has
once caught him, look out ! TIhe
timid, clinging vine becomes a do
iestic tyrant, tormenting man with
constant directions "not to muddy
Lii) that carpet with your dirty shoes
or to "bring in some stovewood right
nlow, do you hear?" Nobody but
the old bachelor can really live in
peace. But all men are fools and
will not take advice, preferring to
teach themselves in the School of
'.xperience. though most of them
learn too late the mistake they have
iiade. So it seems that wonian will
colitinue in her course of conquest in
spite of all adjurationls to the conl
trary, but- we have only to say to the
miien, "Remember Adam."
C. C. Dramatic Club Presents
'Foolish Husbands"
)n T]hursday evening of the past
week the Columbia College Dra
matic Club presented another of the
line plays that have lately been at
tracting wide attention to the club.
Several Carolina students partic
ipated ill the play. The house was
packed with an eager and apprecia
tive audience. All inl all, the occasion
was a great success.
The play presented was "Foolish
Ilus)anids," a tragedy by the well
known manl-hater, l iss Olivia
Stewart, of Newberry. The ac
cuiplishied young authoress has
been displaying great talent, and
since the success of this, her latest
play, her future is assured. The
greatest critics have said that her
only defect lay in her constant aver
sionl to the stronger sex, and hence
her ilcapal)ility of delinleatiig a
m1.an's character correctly. I low
ever, since coling to the University,
she las rapidly overcome this de
ficiency, both in practice and in her
writing. lier career should niow be
one of unplaralleled brillianicy.
In the actual per formanice of the
play, bo0th the Carolina boys and(
ltheir fair~ part ner-s deserve thle hiighi
est praise. IIlowever, Alr. Robert
11 ope was by long 0(dds the shining
star of the per formnance, evervon'te
admiiitt ing thait lhe was the biggest
fool in the whole bunch, lie acted
the part of an old and corpulent
WVall Street 1broker, whoi was (con
fitnedl to his 1bedl-ro(on by an at tack
of that mialady usually peentliar to
clhldhoodl ; niamiely, miiups. Th'lis
old1 gentlenman, Alr. Rot terbachi, wvas
very ill-tenmp eredl and( (luarrelsomle.
I othi in his p)ersonial appearance and(
in his temiperamient Mri. II ope was
well suited to this part. Mir. Rot
terbach was very fortun at e in hiav
inig a young atnd pretty wvife, though
with his coinstant grumblings and
groiwl itngs lhe umade li fe a burdenCi to
her. O ne morning, from the wiin
do)w of his room, lhe chanced to see
her giving some dlirections to the
gardn er, Alrt. I lean pole, a pa rt act -
ed by ''Mtt"' Millardl. le imnme
diately biegatn to get jealous and
openeid his mioth to uttter' a reflec
tion uploni the inifidhelity of women.
But, suffering a suddl(en twvinge of
pain from t-he mumps, lie uittered in
stena1 a full-sized1 roar, nd when
his wife reached him he was sitting
>n the floor. and heaping maledic
tions upon her for "talking to. other
men too much." However, the lady
had plenty of spunk herself and
ifter listening to this rot a few mo
ments she completely silenced him
with a rolling pin, hitting him upon
is sorest and mumpiest check which
induced a case of temporary lockjaw
ind rendered Mr. Rotterbach
ipeecliless. le immediately sent
for his lawyer and sued for a di
vorce on the grounds of self-pres
-rvation. The case was carried to
he Supreme Court and was tried
before Chief Justice Taft, imper
sonated by J. I). Humphries, who
was selected for this part because of
his abdominal prominence. In de
fense of her action Mrs. Rotterbach
:leclared that she could not endure
ier husband's constant nagging and
that he could have his divorce if he
would pay her enough alimony. This
it developed he could not do, as all
his money was invested in lokum
>il stock and he had no ready cash
)n hand. The judge then called the
lirst witness, Mr. Beanpole, the in
niocent cause of the whole affair.
Under a severe cross questioning he
Almitted that he had had many coin
rersations with the lady, but all on
matters of business, about the care
)f the garden. However, he added,
with an attempt at gallantry, he had
rreatly enjoved even that much of
her conversation. When "Mutt"
;creaming to the bar and Npuld have
itarted on the spot a divorce suit
f her very own but for the earnest
Lxhortations of her husband and her
many friends. Mr. Beanpole de
livered no further evidence.
The judge next called to the stand
i witness for the plaintiff, Mr. WV.
J. Ready, the manufacturer and
Ahief consumer of the well-known
hiair tonic, Stay-Comb. Ir. Ready
testified to the good character of
the plaintit as one of his life-long
friends. lie spoke very feelingly
[If their many experiences together.
"Nany times," he said, "have we
uised Stay-Comb out of the same
iottle, both for external and inter
[lal purposes. The advantage is that
when yvou have it on your hair, peo
)le won't think to smell your breath."
Mr. Ready then made a very clo
juent and pathetic appeal for his
friend, at times moving his audience
to tears (of laughter).
The next witness called was the
R6otterbach butler, acted by Mr.
Malcolm McCrae. I le was called up
)1n to say whether lie had ever ob
serv'ed any improper counduct on the
plart of MIrs. Rotterbach. Hiowever,
the htter also hadl a wife in the
'ourt and profiting lby MIr. Beau
olde's experience, lhe fainted dead
away liefore hie coiuldl utter a word.
Judge "TIa ft"'I tllumpries then
gave his dlecision. Ile decreedl that
as the evidence was insutllicient,N Mr.
and( Mr s. Ro t terb ashi must endure
e'ach other a while longer. I lis wife
being aot home, lhe made the state
imnt that, if lie were not already a
married nmaun, lie wvould grant thle
dIivorce and ma rry theu lady himnself.
Ile alsoi recommiiend(ed that NIMr. Rot -
terbachi useC Doane's 1Kidnev Pills as
a cure for mumps. le then launch
ed into an elo<puent dliscourse upon01
the felicity (If mnarriedl life. I lere
lhe suirpassedl himsel f. The fair
authoress, NIiss Stewart, wvho was
sitting in the back of the hall, was
oveirieardl sp)eakling to her escort.
"I'ant , she saidl, "'I didn't know liy
Iplay was so good 01r that married life
was so happy unitil I heard ''Skin
ny mc-t-ighit. Nowv I almost be
TIhiis concluded the per formance.
I oud andI('i entusiast ic cheers re
souinded through the hall. T1he play
was over. It wvas a triumplh of the
greatest-kind and one of which both
C. C. n1 Carolina mna benrud
Gungha Din
(Revised Version.)
Your squarish bottle on the table,
With its highly-colored label,
Belies tile mighty kick that lies
within.
But you'll fool me nevermore
I know now if not before
That you're a better man than I,
Gordon's Gin.
Your taste is nice and fuzzy,
But you make me feel so wuzzy;
A few drops always trickle down
my chin.
WVIhen I'm feeling kinda dry,
You can put me way up high
You're a better man than I, Gor
(ol's Gin.
Oh, I've stuck withl moonshine
corn
From sundown until dawn.
What quantities I drank, it was a sin
But with you I met defeat,
For you routed me complete.
You're a better man than I, Gor
Soll's Gin.
Yes. I know that you are able,
T'o put me 'neath the table,
While e'en your funny bottle seems
to grin;
'ou ilhave done it oft before
Put me down upon the floor
You're a better man than I, Gor
don's Gin.
Approaching Marriage of Senior
Announced
At last the impossible has been
lone. The immovable body has
been moved. The vamnpire has been
k,amped. All of which is in a way
f announcing tile coming marriage
.f our beloved senior, Leonidas C.
Davis.
Air. Davis has sojourned in our
midst for four years, and for the
last two years has been better known
as Rudolph. IIis shiny, curly locks,
his classic profile, his cerulean eves
nd his figure like a young Greek
god have been the cause of more
heart-breaks at Chicora, C. C. and
imong our co-eds than any other
:ause yet known. Rudolph was the
hero of C. C., the ideal of Chicora.
lie set tile standard for our other
young men of fancy in dress and in
matters of social conduct. le is the
Lord Chesterfield and the Beau
Brummel of our campus. For four
years the hearts of maidens, in this
lair city. have palpitated at tile ring
f a telephone. , hoping against
hope, praying earnestly that it might
b)e lDavis. iIe has becomie known as
the only mian~ thlat couldl have two
girls at C. C.. two at Chicora, two inl
town andc still have his girl ill his
home town.
Inl anl interview last nighlt Mr.
D avis madle this statemlent: "It is
true that I have run around a h)it,
bunt I have niever really bieen ill love.
Now I really anm ini love andl iltendl
joiining the ranks of tile lBenedicts.''
.r. D)avis' social secretary toldl ye
scribe that his 'p)hone has bleenl ring
ing all (lay with calls fromr ditTereni
girls biegginig him to giv'e thleml one
more (late b)efore hle takes this step).
llut he remains adlamhant, he has
commnit ted himself and he will not
(10 anything that migh t compfllromlise
lhmisel f.
It is rumored that the IParamiount
P icture Corporation has offered l.
IDavis a fabulous sum to remhaini
single lbut in vain. In fact hle made
this statemnit, "I may beC pickle to
somie girls hut a shot-gun wimll make
any man heii I tru*e."
Thel niame of tile 1idi(e has not1
1beeni disclosed to tile Gamtecock by
AMr. D)avis or ihis secretary.
Ini tile sprinlg young men's fanlcies
lightly turn to: wha tile girls have
beenI thlinkinlg abou.. all'..winter.
--1lamzinago.