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SUNNYSIDE RIMIN' TIME Ahem Johnny Hail was veev. SMALL, III He hated girls-despised THEM ALL; U But now, with added years AND GIRTH- By POSEN He's justthe biggest wolf ON EARTH/ ^ BESSIE C’MON OUT, ORSON/ WOMT LET ME/ OCANIT VOU SNEAK m NOT TAKING ' ’ CHANCES-- By NICK PENN ?mw. v ■U DOESNJT TAKE MUCH *70 ME TO BED WnWOUT ^SUPPER/, MUTT AND JEFF P rEU-O, POLICE? THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I SLEPT IN THIS HOTEL AND IM SCARED/ IT'S FULL OFOHOSTS AND SPOOKS/ I HEAR STRANGEI NOISES/ NOW, NOW. CALM DOWN J / AO p. SIR/ Vouve probablsV HAD A NIGHTMARE don't BE ‘ s» in « ui-mss SCARED// # I I CHATTER ' HS !f OF WATER- By Bud FUher HELLO, OFFICER ? MV TEETH ARE OK., ITS ME THATS SCARED / HELLO, OFFICER/ JITTER SJ YOU TWO STAYHCas- 70/ DifnAKTTVSENT WHILE A xr - SHOP OM THE MEZZANINE? n) FLOOR. IN TWff) By Arthur Pointer WYLDE AND WOOLY THIS RIVER IS SO TREACHEROUS NOBODY HAS EVER BEEN KNOWN TO SURVIVE WHO HAS ATTEMPTED TO TRAVEL ON IT I'D GIVE $IOO TO ANYONE WHO COULD shoot -mese ratios!> By Bert Thomas » ## Y # mean I gotta take ANOTHER bath? Gee vhiz! I just HAD one 'bout an hour ago!" "Adele made me promise not to tell anyone the secret. Mom, but I guess YOU don't count." And Now • • • SEWM8 CIRCLE PATTERNS Collector’s Choice A hardware-supply house found one dealer particularly backward about settling his account. Letter after letter, first polite, then threat ening, was dispatched, to no avail. At last a representative went to see him and asked, “Why haven’t you sent us any money? Things going badly?” “Oh, no,” was the cheerful reply. “Everything is fine. But those letters of yours, were so good I copied them and sent them out to my delinquent customers, and they have brought in nearly everything that is owing me. I felt sure there must be another letter or two, so 1 was holding back until I had your entire series.” Seasonal Sign Whenever you see a man with a handkerchief, socks and tie all matching, you may be sure he is wearing an Xmas gift. LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT Two thoroughly inebriated men were driving like mad in an auto mobile. “Shay,” one fumbled his words, “be sure to turn out for that bridge that’s cornin’ down the road toward us.” “What do you mean, me turn out?” the other retored. “I thought you were drivin’.” Never Can Tell Not long ago Senator Harry Byrd of Virginia sent his oar to take Arthur Krock, the Washington columnist for the New York Times, out to Byrd’s Virginia estate. As the writer approached the car he noticed that the front seat was pretty well taken up by a huge Great Dane and that the back seat was crowded with the Senator’s small grandchildren. He started to sit in front with the dog, then changed his mind and climbed in with the children. He had no sooner cleared a space for himself than one of the children bit him. WHIZ AT FIGURES A pretty girl taking public-serv ice examinations had this prob lem put to her: If a man buys an article for $12.25 and sells it for $9.75, does he gain or lose by the transaction? The young thing pondered deep ly, then answered: “He gains on the cents but loses on the dollars.” Needs Protection Billy Brown, unsuccessful can didate for police chief of Butternut Corners, was seen shortly after elections striding down the main street with a long-barreled pistol in his hands. “Hey,” called one of the town constables, “what are you parad ing around with a gun for?” .You weren’t elected police chief 1” “I know that,” countered Billy. *T only got seven votes out of 3,000. and if that’s all the friends I’ve go/ in this town, I need a gun!” Next! In the Club Room, recently, an actress noted for her apple-polish ing of big shots sashayed over to critic George Jean Nathan’s table and cooed: “I just can’t tell you how much I enjoy your reviews.” “Well,” suggested Nathan, “send over someone who can.” HE RRTIiTlgMR'RREn “Jones,” said the chemistry professor, “give me the formula for water.” “H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O, ” Jones rat tled off rapidly. “What!” exclaimed the prof. “Are you trying to be funny?” “No, sir,” stammered the stu dent. “I thought you told us yesterday it was H to O.” The chairman of the town forum was also the bank president, rich est citizen, and head of the board of education—in short, the most important gent in the county.. He never said in one word what could be expressed in 50. His expression was what he liked to think bei-ign but inscrutable. His introduction of tee speaker of the evening never consumed less than a half-hour. After the chairman’s usual mon umental flow of platitudes, over statement, and pomposity, a spenc er once faced her audience with a deprecating grin and began, “Good ness, after that introduction, I can scarcely wait my&elf to hear what I’m going to say!” Sports Set to Delight Juniors Pretty Daytimer Simple Sewing M Pure Proof Mrs. Jones woi-e a preoccupied look at dinner. “Junior’s been at Yale now four weeks, and we haven’t heard a word from him,” she said. “When did you write him last?” Mr. Jones said without hesitation. ’October 9. I looked it up in my check book.” ILLUSTRATED DEFINITION \ V s <■ S ’ An American professor met three staid members of the Academie F ancaise in Paris and asked for their definition of savoir-faire to include in his modern dictionary. “Eet is not deefeecult,” one said. “Eef I go home and find my wife kissing another man and I teep my hat to them-and say: ’Excuse me,’ that is savior-faire.” “Not quite,” sai0 the second. “Eef I go home and find my wife kissing another man and I teep my hat and say: ’Excuse me. Con tinue,’ that is savior-faire.” “No—not quite,” rumbled the third, fingerjng his beard. “Eef I go home and find my wife kissing another man and teep my hat and say: ‘Excuse me. Continue,’ and he can continue—he has savior- faire.” ' . rflli Variety Togs t“OR teen-agers who like a va- * riety of play togs—an adora ble three part outfit that’s fun to sew. Make either « bare midriff top or tuck-in blouse, and mix the pieces as you like. * * * Versatile Frock A SIMPLE yet extremely tile daytime frock marvel of simplicity to Why not have several warm weather in a vi fabrics in your most b< shades. *; V i • • • Pattern No. 1889 Is a ee 8**& p t8S’VV£ e ,S. , V Pattern No. 8588 la a sew-rlte perfo-‘ rated pattern in slzea 0. 11, 12, 13. 14, 15. 16, 18. Size 11, midriff. 1*4 yards of 39- inch: blouse, 3 3/8 yards; skirt, 3 yards; shorts, 1 5/8 yards. Send an additional 35 cents for youi the Spring and Summer STYLIST. SEWING CIRCLE PA1 Wert Adame St.. - Enclose 25c in coin tern. Add 5c for 1st desired. Pattern No. copy of our co terns Spring and Su mplete pattern ms printed inside the k «. Gift pat- Street Address or P.6. <5ity No Patience Short of cash, Joe asked a chum, “Can you lend me a ten-spot for a week?” The friend obliged immediately and as Joe walked away counting the cash, called after him: “Re member, that’s only for a week.” Joe turned a vivid red. “You’ll get your money,” he screamed, “stop hounding me!” The Obedient Ant An ant was racing with all his might across the top of a new box of cornflakes. Suddenly he ran into another ant. “What’s the hurry, chum?” the second one inquired. ‘Can’t you read?” gasped the first. “It tells you right here, ‘Tear along the dotted Mnd.* ’’ Herringbone, Perhaps Groaned one moth to another: T’ll have to stop eating overcoats —I’m getting ulsters of the stom ach.” LADY IN DISTRESS Hon/c A young Cleveland matron stalled her car at a' traffic light one win ter day. She stamped on the start er, tried again, choked her engine, while behind her an impatient citi zen honked his horn steadily. Final ly she got out and walked back. “I’m awfully sorry, hut I don’t seem to be able to start my car,” she told the driver of the other car. “If you’ll go up there and start it for me. I’ll stay here and lean on your horn.” TOP THAT ONE On his annual inspection trip over the line, the president of the KJ&O Railroad stopped to chat with a section foreman and gave the man a cigar. A few days later the foreman was talking to the boss of the section sdjoining his and mentioned that, the president had given him a stogie. “Heck,” replied the other sec tion foreman. “That’s nothing. When he went through my sec tion he threw me one from his car already lit!” Slur, Perhaps In a radio speech a Governor of Connecticut, once started off: “I am happy to speak over this nation wide hiccup.” Pride Verlaine, although one of ths great writers of France, was very poor but proud. Visiting among friends one day, he was asked why he didn’t brush off his coat. Re plied Verlaine angrily, “I am not my own servant, sir!” Thirst Fangs His cronies gathered around to hear the traveling salesman tell about the dry mid-western town he had just passed through. “You mean you can’t buy an^ liquor there txl all?” asked one red nosed friend incredulously. “Well,” drawled the salesman, “you can if you’ve been bitten by a snake. But there’s only one snake in the whole community, and by the time I got to it, after standing in line for half the night, it was too weary to strike.” Can’t Help Self “So, young man, you wish to become my son-in-law?” “No, but if I marry your daugh ter, I don’t .see how I can avoid it.” YOU can help your country— - Have a career for life! LEARN NURSING Ask Km Director of Nunos at your local hospital about pro fessional Schools of Nursing for which you can Qualify. Housework Easy Without ' Nagging Backache folks complajjDMOf naming pep and energy, beedecl Don’t coffer longer with if reduced kidney^ function.ie getting^yoa end strain, oyer-exertion or exposure to cold. Minor bladder Irritation* due to eeld, dampness or wrong diet may cans* getting ■p nights or fregoent paamgse Don’t neglect your kidneys If these condi tions bother you. Try Doan’s Pill*—a mild diuretic. Used successfully by milHana for orer 60 years. While often otherwise caused, tfs amsslng how assay times Doan’s give happy relief from these discomforts—help the 15 miles of kidney tubes and filters flush out waste. Get Doan’s Pills today! Pours Pius THE BEST YOU CAN BUY “For yearn 1 had harsh laxatives for Then I started to eat regularly. Now I feel j like a new man!” Earl Noecker, 2534 Derry St., Harris burg, Pa. Just one of many unsolicited let ters from ALL-BRAN users. If you are troubled with con stipation due to lack of dietary bulk, do as _ doea. Eat an ounce (about of tasty Kellogg’s ALL-BRA >f water. If not i p/efely'satisfied after 10 days, i empty carton to Kellogg s, L. Creek, Mich. Get DOUBLE Y< MONEY BACK! 7-l ' Quality Seal of CorsM ome Cons*** QvaUtY | _ lire latto jar rim* fs* 400 Exelaslro —yet costs only a week for the average family! '■m Wwv'.