The sun. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1937-1972, May 25, 1951, Image 9
SUNNYSIDE
RIMIN' TIME
Ahem Johnny Hail was veev.
SMALL,
III
He hated girls-despised
THEM ALL;
U
But now, with added years
AND GIRTH-
By POSEN
He's justthe biggest wolf
ON EARTH/ ^
BESSIE
C’MON OUT,
ORSON/
WOMT LET ME/
OCANIT VOU
SNEAK
m
NOT TAKING '
’ CHANCES--
By NICK PENN
?mw.
v
■U DOESNJT TAKE MUCH *70
ME TO BED WnWOUT
^SUPPER/,
MUTT AND JEFF
P rEU-O, POLICE?
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
I SLEPT IN THIS HOTEL
AND IM SCARED/ IT'S FULL
OFOHOSTS AND SPOOKS/
I HEAR STRANGEI
NOISES/
NOW, NOW. CALM DOWN J / AO p.
SIR/ Vouve probablsV
HAD A NIGHTMARE
don't BE ‘ s» in « ui-mss
SCARED// # I I CHATTER ' HS !f OF WATER-
By Bud FUher
HELLO, OFFICER ?
MV TEETH ARE OK.,
ITS ME THATS
SCARED / HELLO,
OFFICER/
JITTER
SJ
YOU TWO STAYHCas-
70/ DifnAKTTVSENT WHILE A xr -
SHOP OM THE MEZZANINE? n)
FLOOR.
IN TWff)
By Arthur Pointer
WYLDE AND WOOLY
THIS RIVER IS SO TREACHEROUS
NOBODY HAS EVER BEEN
KNOWN TO SURVIVE WHO HAS
ATTEMPTED TO TRAVEL ON IT
I'D GIVE $IOO TO
ANYONE WHO COULD
shoot -mese ratios!>
By Bert Thomas
»
## Y # mean I gotta take ANOTHER bath? Gee
vhiz! I just HAD one 'bout an hour ago!"
"Adele made me promise not to tell anyone
the secret. Mom, but I guess YOU don't count."
And Now • • •
SEWM8 CIRCLE PATTERNS
Collector’s Choice
A hardware-supply house found
one dealer particularly backward
about settling his account. Letter
after letter, first polite, then threat
ening, was dispatched, to no avail.
At last a representative went to see
him and asked, “Why haven’t you
sent us any money? Things going
badly?” “Oh, no,” was the cheerful
reply. “Everything is fine. But
those letters of yours, were so good
I copied them and sent them out to
my delinquent customers, and they
have brought in nearly everything
that is owing me. I felt sure there
must be another letter or two, so
1 was holding back until I had your
entire series.”
Seasonal Sign
Whenever you see a man with a
handkerchief, socks and tie all
matching, you may be sure he is
wearing an Xmas gift.
LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT
Two thoroughly inebriated men
were driving like mad in an auto
mobile. “Shay,” one fumbled his
words, “be sure to turn out for
that bridge that’s cornin’ down the
road toward us.”
“What do you mean, me turn
out?” the other retored. “I thought
you were drivin’.”
Never Can Tell
Not long ago Senator Harry Byrd
of Virginia sent his oar to take
Arthur Krock, the Washington
columnist for the New York Times,
out to Byrd’s Virginia estate. As
the writer approached the car he
noticed that the front seat was
pretty well taken up by a huge
Great Dane and that the back seat
was crowded with the Senator’s
small grandchildren. He started to
sit in front with the dog, then
changed his mind and climbed in
with the children.
He had no sooner cleared a space
for himself than one of the children
bit him.
WHIZ AT FIGURES
A pretty girl taking public-serv
ice examinations had this prob
lem put to her: If a man buys an
article for $12.25 and sells it for
$9.75, does he gain or lose by the
transaction?
The young thing pondered deep
ly, then answered: “He gains on
the cents but loses on the dollars.”
Needs Protection
Billy Brown, unsuccessful can
didate for police chief of Butternut
Corners, was seen shortly after
elections striding down the main
street with a long-barreled pistol
in his hands.
“Hey,” called one of the town
constables, “what are you parad
ing around with a gun for?” .You
weren’t elected police chief 1”
“I know that,” countered Billy.
*T only got seven votes out of 3,000.
and if that’s all the friends I’ve go/
in this town, I need a gun!”
Next!
In the Club Room, recently, an
actress noted for her apple-polish
ing of big shots sashayed over to
critic George Jean Nathan’s table
and cooed: “I just can’t tell you
how much I enjoy your reviews.”
“Well,” suggested Nathan, “send
over someone who can.”
HE RRTIiTlgMR'RREn
“Jones,” said the chemistry
professor, “give me the formula
for water.”
“H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O, ” Jones rat
tled off rapidly.
“What!” exclaimed the prof.
“Are you trying to be funny?”
“No, sir,” stammered the stu
dent. “I thought you told us
yesterday it was H to O.”
The chairman of the town forum
was also the bank president, rich
est citizen, and head of the board
of education—in short, the most
important gent in the county.. He
never said in one word what could
be expressed in 50.
His expression was what he liked
to think bei-ign but inscrutable. His
introduction of tee speaker of the
evening never consumed less than
a half-hour.
After the chairman’s usual mon
umental flow of platitudes, over
statement, and pomposity, a spenc
er once faced her audience with a
deprecating grin and began, “Good
ness, after that introduction, I can
scarcely wait my&elf to hear what
I’m going to say!”
Sports Set to Delight Juniors
Pretty Daytimer Simple Sewing
M
Pure Proof
Mrs. Jones woi-e a preoccupied
look at dinner. “Junior’s been at
Yale now four weeks, and we
haven’t heard a word from him,”
she said.
“When did you write him last?”
Mr. Jones said without hesitation.
’October 9. I looked it up in my
check book.”
ILLUSTRATED DEFINITION
\ V s
<■ S ’
An American professor met three
staid members of the Academie
F ancaise in Paris and asked for
their definition of savoir-faire to
include in his modern dictionary.
“Eet is not deefeecult,” one said.
“Eef I go home and find my wife
kissing another man and I teep
my hat to them-and say: ’Excuse
me,’ that is savior-faire.”
“Not quite,” sai0 the second.
“Eef I go home and find my wife
kissing another man and I teep
my hat and say: ’Excuse me. Con
tinue,’ that is savior-faire.”
“No—not quite,” rumbled the
third, fingerjng his beard. “Eef I
go home and find my wife kissing
another man and teep my hat and
say: ‘Excuse me. Continue,’ and
he can continue—he has savior-
faire.” ' . rflli
Variety Togs
t“OR teen-agers who like a va-
* riety of play togs—an adora
ble three part outfit that’s fun to
sew. Make either « bare midriff
top or tuck-in blouse, and mix the
pieces as you like.
* * *
Versatile Frock
A SIMPLE yet extremely
tile daytime frock
marvel of simplicity to
Why not have several
warm weather in a vi
fabrics in your most b<
shades.
*; V i • • •
Pattern No. 1889 Is a ee
8**& p t8S’VV£ e ,S. , V
Pattern No. 8588 la a sew-rlte perfo-‘
rated pattern in slzea 0. 11, 12, 13. 14, 15.
16, 18. Size 11, midriff. 1*4 yards of 39-
inch: blouse, 3 3/8 yards; skirt, 3 yards;
shorts, 1 5/8 yards.
Send an additional 35 cents for youi
the Spring and Summer STYLIST.
SEWING CIRCLE PA1
Wert Adame St.. -
Enclose 25c in coin
tern. Add 5c for 1st
desired.
Pattern No.
copy of
our co
terns
Spring and Su
mplete pattern ms
printed inside the
k «. Gift pat-
Street Address or P.6.
<5ity
No Patience
Short of cash, Joe asked a chum,
“Can you lend me a ten-spot for a
week?”
The friend obliged immediately
and as Joe walked away counting
the cash, called after him: “Re
member, that’s only for a week.”
Joe turned a vivid red. “You’ll
get your money,” he screamed,
“stop hounding me!”
The Obedient Ant
An ant was racing with all his
might across the top of a new box
of cornflakes. Suddenly he ran
into another ant. “What’s the
hurry, chum?” the second one
inquired.
‘Can’t you read?” gasped the
first. “It tells you right here,
‘Tear along the dotted Mnd.* ’’
Herringbone, Perhaps
Groaned one moth to another:
T’ll have to stop eating overcoats
—I’m getting ulsters of the stom
ach.”
LADY IN DISTRESS
Hon/c
A young Cleveland matron stalled
her car at a' traffic light one win
ter day. She stamped on the start
er, tried again, choked her engine,
while behind her an impatient citi
zen honked his horn steadily. Final
ly she got out and walked back.
“I’m awfully sorry, hut I don’t
seem to be able to start my car,”
she told the driver of the other
car. “If you’ll go up there and start
it for me. I’ll stay here and lean
on your horn.”
TOP THAT ONE
On his annual inspection trip
over the line, the president of
the KJ&O Railroad stopped to
chat with a section foreman and
gave the man a cigar. A few
days later the foreman was
talking to the boss of the section
sdjoining his and mentioned that,
the president had given him a
stogie.
“Heck,” replied the other sec
tion foreman. “That’s nothing.
When he went through my sec
tion he threw me one from his
car already lit!”
Slur, Perhaps
In a radio speech a Governor of
Connecticut, once started off: “I am
happy to speak over this nation
wide hiccup.”
Pride
Verlaine, although one of ths
great writers of France, was very
poor but proud. Visiting among
friends one day, he was asked why
he didn’t brush off his coat. Re
plied Verlaine angrily, “I am not
my own servant, sir!”
Thirst Fangs
His cronies gathered around to
hear the traveling salesman tell
about the dry mid-western town
he had just passed through. “You
mean you can’t buy an^ liquor
there txl all?” asked one red
nosed friend incredulously.
“Well,” drawled the salesman,
“you can if you’ve been bitten by
a snake. But there’s only one
snake in the whole community,
and by the time I got to it, after
standing in line for half the night,
it was too weary to strike.”
Can’t Help Self
“So, young man, you wish to
become my son-in-law?”
“No, but if I marry your daugh
ter, I don’t .see how I can avoid
it.”
YOU can
help your country—
- Have a career for life!
LEARN NURSING
Ask Km Director of Nunos at
your local hospital about pro
fessional Schools of Nursing for
which you can Qualify.
Housework
Easy Without '
Nagging Backache
folks complajjDMOf naming
pep and energy, beedecl
Don’t coffer longer with
if reduced kidney^ function.ie getting^yoa
end strain, oyer-exertion or exposure to
cold. Minor bladder Irritation* due to eeld,
dampness or wrong diet may cans* getting
■p nights or fregoent paamgse
Don’t neglect your kidneys If these condi
tions bother you. Try Doan’s Pill*—a mild
diuretic. Used successfully by milHana for
orer 60 years. While often otherwise caused,
tfs amsslng how assay times Doan’s give
happy relief from these discomforts—help
the 15 miles of kidney tubes and filters
flush out waste. Get Doan’s Pills today!
Pours Pius
THE BEST
YOU CAN BUY
“For yearn 1 had
harsh laxatives for
Then I started to eat
regularly. Now I feel j
like a new man!”
Earl Noecker, 2534
Derry St., Harris
burg, Pa. Just one of
many unsolicited let
ters from ALL-BRAN
users. If you are
troubled with con
stipation due to lack
of dietary bulk, do as _
doea. Eat an ounce (about
of tasty Kellogg’s ALL-BRA
>f water. If not i
p/efely'satisfied after 10 days, i
empty carton to Kellogg s, L.
Creek, Mich. Get DOUBLE Y<
MONEY BACK!
7-l
'
Quality Seal
of CorsM
ome Cons***
QvaUtY |
_ lire latto
jar rim* fs*
400 Exelaslro
—yet costs only
a week for
the average
family!
'■m
Wwv'.