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OUR BUDGET OF HUMOR lauchter-provokinc stories for LOVERS OF FUN. Th* La*, Man*. Plalnt-WHUnir-A Fellow Feellng—Her Reply—Bjr Inference—An ■^ Mur * n ce—Eaelljr Anewered—Just in Time-Mean—The Cheerful Idiot. Ktc. T dawn . ol >, never more, th * 8 which makes us sorrow; We II fight Its same old battle o’er. In getting out of bed to-morrow. —Chicago Record. Willing. ‘‘I never censure lazy people.” |‘Why not?" , “The laziest man on earth isn’t half 1 as lazy as T would be if I could afford it."—New York World. Her Reply. He asked if he could kiss her. and naturally she blushed very prettily. “I don’t know whether you can or not,” she said; "but if yon can’t you’re not a very strong man." Is it necessary to say what hap pened?—Chicago Post. A Fellow Feeling. “Why do you persist in looking at tho moon and sighing?” she asked while gently steering their course to ward the candy emporium. "Pure sympathy,” in an absent- minded way. "It’s on its last quar ter.”—Detroit Free Press. By Inference. “Women must find it a hardship sometimes not to be able to swear. ” “Ob, I don’t know. They have their own ways. When they want to be particularly nasty about another woman they say ‘she means well,’ and it really comes to the same thing.”— Pick-Me-Up. The Cheerio I Idiot. “H’m!” said the Cheerful Idiot. “Hero is a clothing firm advertising their best boy’s suits at $2.50. “Well, what of it?” asked the Ir ritable Boarder. “Oh, not much; but I doubt if any body’s best girl ever wore a suit that cheap."—Indianapolis Journal. Mean. “Why do you dislike Mrs. Red mond? You used to be schoolmates, I believe. Did you ever have any trouble in those days?” * “No; hut we never get together now that she doesn't find some excuse to mention the fact that I, being the older, was, of course, in a higher grade."—Chicago News. WILD BIRDS’ ECCS AS FOOD. Sfany That Arc Eaten In Europe and , Regarded A* Delicacies. In Germany and Holland crows’ eggs are considered a luxury among the poorer classes, and on Prince Bismarck’s eighty-third birthday a present of one hundred of these was made to him. The eggs of the rook ore also looked upon as delicate food by the Germans and Hollanders. The Chinese are not only fond of swallows’ nest soup, but they eat the eggs of this little bird with great relish. Among the South Sea Islands the natives depend largely npon this kind of food, which tho birds prepare for them in nests, and so important is the source of this food considered that they will rarely destroy the birds. On the great rookeries they have found the eggs supplied abundantly for them for ages, and they gather them so easily that there is no disposi tion to destroy the birds. It is only when civilized man comes, intent upon destroying the birds for their feathers and plumes, that these great island rookeries have been depopulated. lu the markets of Holland—the greatest centre for wild birds’ eggs— we find displayed for sale the eggs of nearly all large wild birds, such as the crow, rook, gull, plover, peewit, red shanks, guillemot, blue boron, wild duck, sheldrake and many others. The eggs are gathered for these markets from tho largo colonies along the coast. The Isle of Texol supplies many of the wild birds’ eggs for the Hollanders. This island is A Benefnetre**’ Kind i Troni (he Evening Xetci, Mrs. John Tansey, of 130 Bal Detroit, Michigan, Is one of th< who always know just what trouble and sickness. One that I to those In distress. To a repor "I am the mother of ten ; have raised eight of them. ago we had a serious time wi l ter, which began when she wa * teou years old. She did not ! ous illness but seemed to gradj away. Having never had any» in our family, us we come of and Scotch stock, we did no that. Our doctor called the i odd name, which, as I alterws meant lack of blood. “It is impossible to describe! I John and I hud as wo noticed i slowly passing away from us. found, however, a medicine I omen n all other said: and yours augh- ut six- y seri- waste raption d Irish it was by an arued, feeling laughter dually :mod tc The New Boy. -Been anybody InT* asked the grocer. **Mr. Brown was in and left his meas ure.’’ said the new boy. “Left hia measure? Does he take this for a tailor shop?” “Naw. He left a gallon measure to j be filled with molasses. ’—Indianapolis Journal. SlOO Rewal'd. aiOO. The readers of this paper will be pleased to learn that there is at least one d rewlod disease that science has baen able to cure in all its stages, and that Is atarrh. Hall ■ catarrh Cure I* the only positive cure known to the medical fraternltv. > atarrh being a constitu tional disease, requires a constitutional treat ment. Hall's Catarrh Our* U taken internally, acting directlv un the blood and mucous sur faces of the svstem, thereby destroying the foundation of the disease, and giving the iw- tient strength by building up the coustitutiou and assisting nature in doing its work. The proprietors have so much fa th in Its curative powers that they offer One Hundred Dollars for anv case that it fails to cure. Send for list of testimonials. Address F. i. Cheney & l O- Toledo, O. Sold by Druggists, tic. Hall's ^Tamil} y Pills are the best. A man full of himself a full of whiskey. is as disagreeable ay iJW -UAH** Just In Time. * Mr. Wettend, bo?came ^ I was,” said Misa Darlington, sweetly, as she entered the parlor. “Oh, what a whopper!" exclaimed her small brother. “You know you only had on ” And then Tommy was violently hustledontof theroom.—Harlem Life. An Assurance. “I hope,” said the girl’s father, “that yon expect to surround my daughter with all the luxuries to which she has been accustomed.” “Oh, yes,” was the prompt and cheerful response. “We have talked it over, and we agreed that wo would just as lief come right here to live as uot."—Washington Star. Spectacle* and Tea. * Edith—“She lost Freddy throngh her own gtnpidity. A girl should never permit herself to appear more intelli gent than the man who is talking to her. That is the rule I always fol low.” Bertha—“But then it is so easy for you, yon know.. You ought not to be too harsh upon poor Hettie.”—Boston Transcript. Easily Answered. “I suppose you have devoted much time to studying your country’s needs?” “I have,” asoentod Senator Sorg hum. “What, in your opinion, is the principal one?” And withdbt a moment's hesitation the Senator replied: “Me.”—Washington Star. largely to sheep grazing, and the shepherds make a little extra pocket- money in gathering the wild fowls’ eggs from the rocks and broad heaths. In Friesland the farmers have almost tamed the sheldrakes like domesticated fowls. The sheldrakes have laid their eggs in count less numbers on the heaths of the Dutch Norfolk, and the farmers, in stead of killing the birds or frighten* ingthem away, cultivate their acquaint ance and build artificial burrows or nests in the grass for them. In these nests the sheidrakes go on laying their eggs, despite the fact that they are almost daily robbed of them. In some instances the female birds will even permit the farmers to handle them to remove the eggs. In return for all this the farmers protect the birds, and after a certain season they permit the birds to sit on their eggs and hatch out young ones. The young shel drakes are protected just as much as our young barnyard chickens are. Egg-gathering has become a legiti mate vocation ou the Irish and Scot tish coasts and on all the islands along bores. The men who engage in zSfTTitnr work carry their Uvea daily in their hands, for the sea-birds bnild their nests among the most in accessible peakn and crags of tho mountains and on ledges and rocks overlooking the sea, where sure death awaits the one who makes a false step. The men swing down from tho top of the cliffs by means of ropes, and while dangling in this insecure position be tween earth and heaven they gather the eggs of the ducks, vultures, golden eagles, cormorants and similar birds. The , egg-collector descends the face of the cliff in his bare feet, and provi ded only with a stout stick and egg- basket. A companion from above gen erally helps him^in his descent and guides him in his perilous movements along tho face of the monntain. The chief eggs that are sold for eat ing in Holland and other European cities include those of the wild ducks and fowls, gulls, plovers, sheldrakes, meadow-hens, guillemots, peewits, red-shanks, turnstones, snipe, curlews, dunlins, crows, rooks, cranes, herons, coots, storks, pelicans, vultures,hawks, owls and many of the smaller land birds. These wild birds’ eggs are cheaper in many countries than hens’ eggs, and they constitute tho chief egg diet of both rich and poor.—Bos ton Transcript. Most of the Time She IV'cv C help her, ami from the flrsl decided chance for tho hel three months' treatment hei creatly improved you wouh coenUed her. She cainod i and soon was in perfect heal given up } cine used was Dr. Williams' Pale People. 1 have always in the house since and have them to many people. I li mothers about them and till some wonderful cures. “Every mother in this li these pills in the house, ns I many ailments, particulai from impoverished or dis« weakened nerve force.’ fo Ited. noticed a and after ; icalth was so iOt have re- j esh rabidly ! Tho medi- k Pills for pt these pills ( ecomraended e told many have effected should keep v are good for those arising .'J blood, ami * ATTEND THE * • COMMERCIAL School, ftPARTANRUKG. AC. COMMERCIAL School, CH tKLKHTOJf. A. C. Ile»l Equipped and only lip-ie-4*N Du«iiirw ('ollniv In Ike Blaie of t-. Weft* fur CatAkigue. SAWMILLS. If you need a saw mill, any siee, wrifc me before buying elsewhere. I baei the most complete line of mills of anj dealer or manufacturer iu the abuth CORN MILLS. Very tdghest grade Stones, at unusual Iv low prices. WOOD-WORKING MACHINERY, Planers, Moulders, Edgor\ He-Saws Hand Saws, Laths, etc. ENGINES AND ROILERS, Talbott and Liddell. Kngleberg Rice Huller, in stock, quid delivery, low prices. V. C. BADHAM, No. 1826 Main St, Columbia, S. C. IN CHICKENS. Bond 25 cents in stamps for Book. HOOK PUBLISHING HOUSE. 184 Leonard Street, - - New York. EWJOYS hod and results w Geometrical. "I seem to have a very unfortunate manner of saying things," remarked Willie Wishington. “What has happened now?” in quired his friend. “I remarked to Misa Cayenne that there was one point upon which I had made up my mind, and she said she thought that a poiut was quite large enough for the purpose.”—Washing ton Star. The Haunted Man. Again that ringing in his ears! It was the warning he had dreaded. He know his time had come. Yot, al though he started at tho sound, he seemed half dazed and wholly careless of the consequences. But still the ringing in his ears! “Drat it!” he finally said; and, springing from his bed, tho careworn commuter shut off the alarm clock and proceed to dress for the 7.10 train.— Puck. Queer Restaurant Sign. In Sweden the railway stations where meals are served are known bv the picture of a crossed knife and fork opposite the name of the station. Ucyi-len. Aug ladies and ire responsible in bicycling, [the scheme is ssage of the or ders to carry at all stmt have . fitted ups of different ’ different tones. Ovrl Attach* Two Men. It was an owl that caused tho great est receut excitement in Waldoboro, unless the Opinion’s correspondent al lows himself to exaggerate. The bird first swooped down ou the head of Mr. Moses Ncwbert, lacerating his head and face severely, and making off with Mr. Newbert’s bat, which was found a few days afterward back of Mr. Alden Burnbeimor’s barn. He afterward at tacked Mr. Elams Shuman in the same manner, nearly knocking him over. Mr. Shuman in his excitement made a grab and caught tho wise old owl by the legs. Ho has him now in close confinement. In the fracas Mr. Shu man’s face was somewhat mangled.— Lewistou (Me.) Journal. Sensation in Stationery. The latest sensation in stationery, says tho New York Commercial Ad vertiser, is paper and envelopes of the same size. Instead of folding the sheet of note paper to fit into the en velopes, as civilized nations have done since envelopes were invented, the entire sheet is slipped into the outer covering without folding it even once. Tho paper is linen bond, mottled blue in tint, an<} comes in various sizes. A quire of paper is thirty cents, and a package of envelopes is the same price. The problem of getting these huge envelopes into the ordinary letter box is going to be a serious one of the new fashion. . . „ Chiming Re. s o A couple of dozen gentlemen of Galvesto for a most unique ide Just who thought not known, for the c: shared. The compa “bike bell ringers,” i existence after the dinance requiring lamps and to ring crossings. These bi their wheels with 1 hues and with bells The Idea is to complylstrictly with the law and at the saint time to have a little theatrical effect The object of the law being to have wheelmen give notice of their comlnf, that object will certainly be attained In the ease of the “bike bell ringers,” for their approach Its made known by the ringing out of sweet music. They have been prac ticing on the shell road out near the county bridge, and thus far have given no exhibitions in town. A News m.ia who had occasion to go to the westen part of the city last night was fortun ate enough to meet tke “bike bell ring ers" on dress parade Afar down the road came the silent steeds with ever- changing lights. First a group of red lights headed the procession, then came a group of red, white and blue, then a group of green lights, flanked by red and blue. And so the wheels and lights were constantly changing, making beautiful effects. As the wheels drew nearer the chiming bells coulr be heard. Firs', a few bars were played from “The Chimes of Nor mandy.” then came “Annie J.aur!o," the “Tinkle, Tinkle Bells’’ song from “Olivette," and as th< bikers passed on and were lost in the distance the notes of “Home, Sweet Home,” were beard. ■ The idea is a pretty jme, and if adopt ed by others the bikers will be wel comed on the streets for the harmony of sounds they bring in lieu of harsh and indiscriminate clanging.—Galves ton News. They AreTtfil Here. “They say that iwcty is dying." "Yes, but, uufortuiitely, the poets nren’t.” “Rust,” the dread of the cotton grower, can be prevente . Trials at Experiment Stations and the experience of lea ling growers prove positively tjat Kainit orm Both tho method and results when Syrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant and refreshing to the taste, and nets gently yet promptly on the Kidneys, Liver and Bowels, cleanses the sys tem effectually, dispels colds, head aches and fevers and cures habitual constipation. Syrup of Figs is the only remedy of its kind ever pro- it is generally pleasing to the taste and ac- li,!! ceptable to the stomach, prompt in its action and truly beneficial in its effects, prepared only from the most healthy and agreeable substances, its many excellent qualities commend it to all and have made it the most popular remedy known. Syrup of Figs is for sale in 50 cent bottles by all leading drug gists. Any reliable druggist who may not have it on hand will pro cure it promptly for any one who wishes to try it Do not accept any substitute. CALIFORNIA HO SYRUP CO. SAM FRAMCOOO, CAL UMtmtLU. n. new root. s.r. n NORMAN’S NEUTRALIZING CURES DIARRHOEA. Mrs mmmm cordial CURES DYSENTERY. MR'S NEUMIZMG CORDIAL CURES CHOLERA MORBUS. NORAArS NLUTRALIZING CORDIAL CURES CHOLERA INFANTUM. « is the only remedy. We will be glad to seid, free of charge, interesting and useful panphlets which treat of the matter in detail. V GERMAN KaLI WORKS. , 93 K*bu> Sc., New Yadb SEEDS Garten & Flower rah <v worttl-wiile rrftifcu ion. Catalog fns to all. JiKKS J. B. RKKfiORV *S«f .Bai*MiM4.RaM. HARLOTTE COMMERCIAL 0LLE6E, cfistiom, n. c. Kw Vscatiaa*—Poalttoiu Oqaraitsed—Catalogue Free V c mm NtlilRALIZING CORDIAL Absolutely Cures NORMAN’S Indian Worm Pellets. THE BEST LIVER RILL MADE. Sale, eure and quick In their action. .°RICK. 10 AND 28 CENTS. 4 <• * TZRTXIE!. * Rice’s Goose Grease Linimenf Is wars sold under a irnarnntee to cure all aches and pains, rheumatism, neuralgia, sprains, bruises and burns. It Nalso warrant ed to cars colds, croup.coauhk and 1* grippe quicker than any known remedy. No cure no pay. Solrby all dnuteistn and general stores. Made only by <>OOSK GREASE LINIMhN’T CO.. Ghuksboro, K. C. 8. N. U.-Mo. 6—’98. POTATOES ?ml T.arcwt *M* POTATO Th. '* K.r.t R.wt .rkrr’’kIt WlM*aOa • jrt.14 W Its b dirt *■< w.r. la AmrUa. T*a ..La.r’. Lari7 hsabtU a*r aero. Oar great OmO f«..k, 11 win ..Hr art.. Ht.H MB Farm Sw4 l«uaj»U<, warth S1t. art a start, far 10a. saataca. MM a. SlLUaiiUUL. LaCn«a,lne. LADIES UUXDlSUSg C0HVUl5l(M5.CRAMrS.«- RT51ERICS,IHTtrnALrAIBS. , pfitPAWCU UiUY 8y CESlMMONSMCD. ST.LOUIS, M0.,U.5.A. PRICE-ONE BotXAAE —ALL WOMEN JiJiNz-Tnmts of ail the pain and sickness from which women suffer is caused by weakness cr derangement in the organs of menstruation. Nearly always when a woman is not well these organs are affected. But when they are strong and healthy s woman is very seldom sick. WineM Is nature's provision for the regu lation of the menstrual function. It cures all “ female troubles." It Is equally effective for the girl In her teens, the young wife with do mestic and maternal cares, and the woman approaching the period known as the “ Change of Life." They all need It They ora all benefitted by It Per cdrL' .. cases rcquirlnr special directions .Jdrers, clvine symptoms, the Ladles' Aavlsrry Department? 1 The Chattanooga Medicine Co.. Chatta nooga. Term. TOO*. 1. COOPER. Tapets. Mtgg., jayat “*y slstar aufered from vary Irregular and painful meastruation and doctors could not relies# her. Wine ef Cardal entiroij cured her and als* helped ay ■other through the Change «t u£” ^