The Florence daily times. [volume] (Florence, S.C.) 1894-1925, March 02, 1898, Image 3
OUR BUDGET OF HUMOR
lauchter-provokinc stories for
LOVERS OF FUN.
Th* La*, Man*. Plalnt-WHUnir-A Fellow
Feellng—Her Reply—Bjr Inference—An
■^ Mur * n ce—Eaelljr Anewered—Just in
Time-Mean—The Cheerful Idiot. Ktc.
T dawn . ol >, never more,
th * 8 which makes us sorrow;
We II fight Its same old battle o’er.
In getting out of bed to-morrow.
—Chicago Record.
Willing.
‘‘I never censure lazy people.”
|‘Why not?" ,
“The laziest man on earth isn’t half 1
as lazy as T would be if I could afford
it."—New York World.
Her Reply.
He asked if he could kiss her. and
naturally she blushed very prettily.
“I don’t know whether you can or
not,” she said; "but if yon can’t
you’re not a very strong man."
Is it necessary to say what hap
pened?—Chicago Post.
A Fellow Feeling.
“Why do you persist in looking at
tho moon and sighing?” she asked
while gently steering their course to
ward the candy emporium.
"Pure sympathy,” in an absent-
minded way. "It’s on its last quar
ter.”—Detroit Free Press.
By Inference.
“Women must find it a hardship
sometimes not to be able to swear. ”
“Ob, I don’t know. They have
their own ways. When they want to
be particularly nasty about another
woman they say ‘she means well,’ and
it really comes to the same thing.”—
Pick-Me-Up.
The Cheerio I Idiot.
“H’m!” said the Cheerful Idiot.
“Hero is a clothing firm advertising
their best boy’s suits at $2.50.
“Well, what of it?” asked the Ir
ritable Boarder.
“Oh, not much; but I doubt if any
body’s best girl ever wore a suit that
cheap."—Indianapolis Journal.
Mean.
“Why do you dislike Mrs. Red
mond? You used to be schoolmates, I
believe. Did you ever have any
trouble in those days?” *
“No; hut we never get together
now that she doesn't find some excuse
to mention the fact that I, being the
older, was, of course, in a higher
grade."—Chicago News.
WILD BIRDS’ ECCS AS FOOD.
Sfany That Arc Eaten In Europe and
, Regarded A* Delicacies.
In Germany and Holland crows’
eggs are considered a luxury among
the poorer classes, and on Prince
Bismarck’s eighty-third birthday a
present of one hundred of these was
made to him. The eggs of the rook
ore also looked upon as delicate food
by the Germans and Hollanders. The
Chinese are not only fond of swallows’
nest soup, but they eat the eggs of
this little bird with great relish.
Among the South Sea Islands the
natives depend largely npon this kind
of food, which tho birds prepare for
them in nests, and so important is the
source of this food considered that
they will rarely destroy the birds.
On the great rookeries they have
found the eggs supplied abundantly
for them for ages, and they gather
them so easily that there is no disposi
tion to destroy the birds. It is only
when civilized man comes, intent upon
destroying the birds for their feathers
and plumes, that these great island
rookeries have been depopulated.
lu the markets of Holland—the
greatest centre for wild birds’ eggs—
we find displayed for sale the eggs of
nearly all large wild birds, such as the
crow, rook, gull, plover, peewit, red
shanks, guillemot, blue boron, wild
duck, sheldrake and many others.
The eggs are gathered for these
markets from tho largo colonies along
the coast. The Isle of Texol supplies
many of the wild birds’ eggs for the
Hollanders. This island is
A Benefnetre**’ Kind
i Troni (he Evening Xetci,
Mrs. John Tansey, of 130 Bal
Detroit, Michigan, Is one of th<
who always know just what
trouble and sickness. One that I
to those In distress. To a repor
"I am the mother of ten
; have raised eight of them.
ago we had a serious time wi
l ter, which began when she wa
* teou years old. She did not
! ous illness but seemed to gradj
away. Having never had any»
in our family, us we come of
and Scotch stock, we did no
that. Our doctor called the i
odd name, which, as I alterws
meant lack of blood.
“It is impossible to describe!
I John and I hud as wo noticed i
slowly passing away from us.
found, however, a medicine I
omen
n all
other
said:
and
yours
augh-
ut six-
y seri-
waste
raption
d Irish
it was
by an
arued,
feeling
laughter
dually
:mod tc
The New Boy.
-Been anybody InT* asked the grocer.
**Mr. Brown was in and left his meas
ure.’’ said the new boy.
“Left hia measure? Does he take this
for a tailor shop?”
“Naw. He left a gallon measure to j
be filled with molasses. ’—Indianapolis
Journal.
SlOO Rewal'd. aiOO.
The readers of this paper will be pleased to
learn that there is at least one d rewlod disease
that science has baen able to cure in all its
stages, and that Is atarrh. Hall ■ catarrh
Cure I* the only positive cure known to the
medical fraternltv. > atarrh being a constitu
tional disease, requires a constitutional treat
ment. Hall's Catarrh Our* U taken internally,
acting directlv un the blood and mucous sur
faces of the svstem, thereby destroying the
foundation of the disease, and giving the iw-
tient strength by building up the coustitutiou
and assisting nature in doing its work. The
proprietors have so much fa th in Its curative
powers that they offer One Hundred Dollars
for anv case that it fails to cure. Send for list
of testimonials. Address
F. i. Cheney & l O- Toledo, O.
Sold by Druggists, tic.
Hall's ^Tamil}
y Pills are the best.
A man full of himself
a full of whiskey.
is as disagreeable ay
iJW
-UAH**
Just In Time.
*
Mr. Wettend, bo?came ^
I was,” said Misa Darlington, sweetly,
as she entered the parlor.
“Oh, what a whopper!" exclaimed
her small brother. “You know you
only had on ”
And then Tommy was violently
hustledontof theroom.—Harlem Life.
An Assurance.
“I hope,” said the girl’s father,
“that yon expect to surround my
daughter with all the luxuries to which
she has been accustomed.”
“Oh, yes,” was the prompt and
cheerful response. “We have talked
it over, and we agreed that wo would
just as lief come right here to live as
uot."—Washington Star.
Spectacle* and Tea. *
Edith—“She lost Freddy throngh
her own gtnpidity. A girl should never
permit herself to appear more intelli
gent than the man who is talking to
her. That is the rule I always fol
low.”
Bertha—“But then it is so easy for
you, yon know.. You ought not to be
too harsh upon poor Hettie.”—Boston
Transcript.
Easily Answered.
“I suppose you have devoted much
time to studying your country’s
needs?”
“I have,” asoentod Senator Sorg
hum.
“What, in your opinion, is the
principal one?”
And withdbt a moment's hesitation
the Senator replied:
“Me.”—Washington Star.
largely to sheep grazing, and the
shepherds make a little extra pocket-
money in gathering the wild fowls’
eggs from the rocks and broad heaths.
In Friesland the farmers have
almost tamed the sheldrakes like
domesticated fowls. The sheldrakes
have laid their eggs in count
less numbers on the heaths of the
Dutch Norfolk, and the farmers, in
stead of killing the birds or frighten*
ingthem away, cultivate their acquaint
ance and build artificial burrows or
nests in the grass for them. In these
nests the sheidrakes go on laying their
eggs, despite the fact that they are
almost daily robbed of them. In some
instances the female birds will even
permit the farmers to handle them to
remove the eggs. In return for all
this the farmers protect the birds, and
after a certain season they permit the
birds to sit on their eggs and hatch
out young ones. The young shel
drakes are protected just as much as
our young barnyard chickens are.
Egg-gathering has become a legiti
mate vocation ou the Irish and Scot
tish coasts and on all the islands along
bores. The men who engage in
zSfTTitnr work carry their Uvea
daily in their hands, for the sea-birds
bnild their nests among the most in
accessible peakn and crags of tho
mountains and on ledges and rocks
overlooking the sea, where sure death
awaits the one who makes a false step.
The men swing down from tho top of
the cliffs by means of ropes, and while
dangling in this insecure position be
tween earth and heaven they gather
the eggs of the ducks, vultures, golden
eagles, cormorants and similar birds.
The , egg-collector descends the face
of the cliff in his bare feet, and provi
ded only with a stout stick and egg-
basket. A companion from above gen
erally helps him^in his descent and
guides him in his perilous movements
along tho face of the monntain.
The chief eggs that are sold for eat
ing in Holland and other European
cities include those of the wild ducks
and fowls, gulls, plovers, sheldrakes,
meadow-hens, guillemots, peewits,
red-shanks, turnstones, snipe, curlews,
dunlins, crows, rooks, cranes, herons,
coots, storks, pelicans, vultures,hawks,
owls and many of the smaller land
birds. These wild birds’ eggs are
cheaper in many countries than hens’
eggs, and they constitute tho chief
egg diet of both rich and poor.—Bos
ton Transcript.
Most of the Time She IV'cv C
help her, ami from the flrsl
decided chance for tho hel
three months' treatment hei
creatly improved you wouh
coenUed her. She cainod i
and soon was in perfect heal
given up } cine used was Dr. Williams'
Pale People. 1 have always
in the house since and have
them to many people. I li
mothers about them and till
some wonderful cures.
“Every mother in this li
these pills in the house, ns I
many ailments, particulai
from impoverished or dis«
weakened nerve force.’
fo Ited.
noticed a
and after ;
icalth was so
iOt have re- j
esh rabidly !
Tho medi-
k Pills for
pt these pills (
ecomraended
e told many
have effected
should keep
v are good for
those arising
.'J blood, ami
* ATTEND THE * •
COMMERCIAL School,
ftPARTANRUKG. AC.
COMMERCIAL School,
CH tKLKHTOJf. A. C.
Ile»l Equipped and only lip-ie-4*N
Du«iiirw ('ollniv In Ike Blaie of t-.
Weft* fur CatAkigue.
SAWMILLS.
If you need a saw mill, any siee, wrifc
me before buying elsewhere. I baei
the most complete line of mills of anj
dealer or manufacturer iu the abuth
CORN MILLS.
Very tdghest grade Stones, at unusual
Iv low prices.
WOOD-WORKING MACHINERY,
Planers, Moulders, Edgor\ He-Saws
Hand Saws, Laths, etc.
ENGINES AND ROILERS,
Talbott and Liddell.
Kngleberg Rice Huller, in stock, quid
delivery, low prices.
V. C. BADHAM,
No. 1826 Main St, Columbia, S. C.
IN CHICKENS.
Bond 25 cents in stamps for Book.
HOOK PUBLISHING HOUSE.
184 Leonard Street, - - New York.
EWJOYS
hod and results w
Geometrical.
"I seem to have a very unfortunate
manner of saying things," remarked
Willie Wishington.
“What has happened now?” in
quired his friend.
“I remarked to Misa Cayenne that
there was one point upon which I had
made up my mind, and she said she
thought that a poiut was quite large
enough for the purpose.”—Washing
ton Star.
The Haunted Man.
Again that ringing in his ears!
It was the warning he had dreaded.
He know his time had come. Yot, al
though he started at tho sound, he
seemed half dazed and wholly careless
of the consequences.
But still the ringing in his ears!
“Drat it!” he finally said; and,
springing from his bed, tho careworn
commuter shut off the alarm clock and
proceed to dress for the 7.10 train.—
Puck.
Queer Restaurant Sign.
In Sweden the railway stations
where meals are served are known bv
the picture of a crossed knife and fork
opposite the name of the station.
Ucyi-len.
Aug ladies and
ire responsible
in bicycling,
[the scheme is
ssage of the or
ders to carry
at all stmt
have . fitted
ups of different
’ different tones.
Ovrl Attach* Two Men.
It was an owl that caused tho great
est receut excitement in Waldoboro,
unless the Opinion’s correspondent al
lows himself to exaggerate. The bird
first swooped down ou the head of Mr.
Moses Ncwbert, lacerating his head
and face severely, and making off with
Mr. Newbert’s bat, which was found a
few days afterward back of Mr. Alden
Burnbeimor’s barn. He afterward at
tacked Mr. Elams Shuman in the same
manner, nearly knocking him over.
Mr. Shuman in his excitement made a
grab and caught tho wise old owl by
the legs. Ho has him now in close
confinement. In the fracas Mr. Shu
man’s face was somewhat mangled.—
Lewistou (Me.) Journal.
Sensation in Stationery.
The latest sensation in stationery,
says tho New York Commercial Ad
vertiser, is paper and envelopes of the
same size. Instead of folding the
sheet of note paper to fit into the en
velopes, as civilized nations have done
since envelopes were invented, the
entire sheet is slipped into the outer
covering without folding it even once.
Tho paper is linen bond, mottled blue
in tint, an<} comes in various sizes. A
quire of paper is thirty cents, and a
package of envelopes is the same price.
The problem of getting these huge
envelopes into the ordinary letter box
is going to be a serious one of the new
fashion. . . „
Chiming Re. s o
A couple of dozen
gentlemen of Galvesto
for a most unique ide
Just who thought
not known, for the c:
shared. The compa
“bike bell ringers,” i
existence after the
dinance requiring
lamps and to ring
crossings. These bi
their wheels with 1
hues and with bells
The Idea is to complylstrictly with the
law and at the saint time to have a
little theatrical effect The object of
the law being to have wheelmen give
notice of their comlnf, that object will
certainly be attained In the ease of the
“bike bell ringers,” for their approach
Its made known by the ringing out of
sweet music. They have been prac
ticing on the shell road out near the
county bridge, and thus far have given
no exhibitions in town. A News m.ia
who had occasion to go to the westen
part of the city last night was fortun
ate enough to meet tke “bike bell ring
ers" on dress parade Afar down the
road came the silent steeds with ever-
changing lights. First a group of red
lights headed the procession, then
came a group of red, white and blue,
then a group of green lights, flanked
by red and blue. And so the wheels
and lights were constantly changing,
making beautiful effects. As the
wheels drew nearer the chiming bells
coulr be heard. Firs', a few bars were
played from “The Chimes of Nor
mandy.” then came “Annie J.aur!o,"
the “Tinkle, Tinkle Bells’’ song from
“Olivette," and as th< bikers passed on
and were lost in the distance the notes
of “Home, Sweet Home,” were beard. ■
The idea is a pretty jme, and if adopt
ed by others the bikers will be wel
comed on the streets for the harmony
of sounds they bring in lieu of harsh
and indiscriminate clanging.—Galves
ton News.
They AreTtfil Here.
“They say that iwcty is dying."
"Yes, but, uufortuiitely, the poets
nren’t.”
“Rust,”
the dread of the cotton grower,
can be prevente . Trials at
Experiment Stations and the
experience of lea ling growers
prove positively tjat
Kainit
orm
Both tho method and results when
Syrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant
and refreshing to the taste, and nets
gently yet promptly on the Kidneys,
Liver and Bowels, cleanses the sys
tem effectually, dispels colds, head
aches and fevers and cures habitual
constipation. Syrup of Figs is the
only remedy of its kind ever pro-
it is generally pleasing to the taste and ac-
li,!! ceptable to the stomach, prompt in
its action and truly beneficial in its
effects, prepared only from the most
healthy and agreeable substances, its
many excellent qualities commend it
to all and have made it the most
popular remedy known.
Syrup of Figs is for sale in 50
cent bottles by all leading drug
gists. Any reliable druggist who
may not have it on hand will pro
cure it promptly for any one who
wishes to try it Do not accept any
substitute.
CALIFORNIA HO SYRUP CO.
SAM FRAMCOOO, CAL
UMtmtLU. n. new root. s.r.
n
NORMAN’S
NEUTRALIZING
CURES DIARRHOEA.
Mrs mmmm cordial
CURES DYSENTERY.
MR'S NEUMIZMG CORDIAL
CURES CHOLERA MORBUS.
NORAArS NLUTRALIZING CORDIAL
CURES CHOLERA INFANTUM.
«
is the only remedy.
We will be glad to seid, free of charge,
interesting and useful panphlets which treat
of the matter in detail.
V GERMAN KaLI WORKS. ,
93 K*bu> Sc., New Yadb
SEEDS
Garten & Flower
rah <v worttl-wiile
rrftifcu ion. Catalog
fns to all.
JiKKS J. B. RKKfiORV *S«f .Bai*MiM4.RaM.
HARLOTTE COMMERCIAL
0LLE6E, cfistiom, n. c.
Kw Vscatiaa*—Poalttoiu Oqaraitsed—Catalogue Free
V
c
mm NtlilRALIZING CORDIAL
Absolutely Cures
NORMAN’S
Indian Worm Pellets.
THE BEST LIVER RILL MADE.
Sale, eure and quick In their action.
.°RICK. 10 AND 28 CENTS.
4
<•
* TZRTXIE!. *
Rice’s Goose Grease Linimenf
Is wars sold under a irnarnntee to cure all
aches and pains, rheumatism, neuralgia,
sprains, bruises and burns. It Nalso warrant
ed to cars colds, croup.coauhk and 1* grippe
quicker than any known remedy. No cure
no pay. Solrby all dnuteistn and general
stores. Made only by <>OOSK GREASE
LINIMhN’T CO.. Ghuksboro, K. C.
8. N. U.-Mo. 6—’98.
POTATOES ?ml
T.arcwt *M* POTATO
Th. '* K.r.t R.wt .rkrr’’kIt
WlM*aOa • jrt.14 W Its b
dirt *■<
w.r. la AmrUa.
T*a ..La.r’. Lari7
hsabtU a*r aero.
Oar great OmO f«..k, 11
win ..Hr art.. Ht.H MB
Farm Sw4 l«uaj»U<, warth S1t. art a start, far
10a. saataca. MM a. SlLUaiiUUL. LaCn«a,lne.
LADIES
UUXDlSUSg
C0HVUl5l(M5.CRAMrS.«-
RT51ERICS,IHTtrnALrAIBS. ,
pfitPAWCU UiUY 8y
CESlMMONSMCD.
ST.LOUIS, M0.,U.5.A.
PRICE-ONE BotXAAE
—ALL WOMEN
JiJiNz-Tnmts of
ail the pain
and sickness from
which women
suffer is caused
by weakness cr
derangement in
the organs of
menstruation.
Nearly always
when a woman is not well these
organs are affected. But when
they are strong and healthy s
woman is very seldom sick.
WineM
Is nature's provision for the regu
lation of the menstrual function.
It cures all “ female troubles." It
Is equally effective for the girl In
her teens, the young wife with do
mestic and maternal cares, and
the woman approaching the period
known as the “ Change of Life."
They all need It They ora all
benefitted by It
Per cdrL' .. cases rcquirlnr special
directions .Jdrers, clvine symptoms,
the Ladles' Aavlsrry Department? 1
The Chattanooga Medicine Co.. Chatta
nooga. Term.
TOO*. 1. COOPER. Tapets. Mtgg., jayat
“*y slstar aufered from vary Irregular
and painful meastruation and doctors
could not relies# her. Wine ef Cardal
entiroij cured her and als* helped ay
■other through the Change «t u£” ^