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' - - 0 TWO DOLLARS PER ANNUM. } GOD u^lISTX) OUR teOUNTTtY. ^ ALWAYS IN ADVANCE Volume 6. saturday mornin& november 25, 18t1. n umber 41 ? - ? pi. r. iVHE ORANGEB?IlGr NEWS ^published at ETory'Saturrtay Morning. bV the (rRAXGEBURG NEWS COMPANY TERMS ?V SUBSCRIPTION. Copy for one year. $2.00 ?? ?? ?? Six Months.? 1.00 \ny onVsenrtine TEN DOLLARS, for n Clnb of Vow Subscribers, will receive nn KXTRA COPY for ONE YEAR, free of charge. Any one sending FTYR DOLLARS, far a Club of New Subscribers, will receive 4b EXTRA COPY for STX MONTHS, free of charge. ?' ? '?:o4? RATES OF ADVERTISING. 1 Square l?t Insertion. SI.50 ?? ?? 2<1 " .tit. 1.00 A Square consists of 10 lines brevier or one inch of Advertising space. Administrator's Notiecs.$5 00 Notices of Dismissal of Guardians, Ad ministrators, Executors, ?c..?0 00 Contract Advertisements inscrtod upon the best liberal terms. ?:o:? MARRIAGE and FUNERAL NOTICES, not exceeding one Square, inserted without 4kargo. ?Or Terras Cash in Advance. "*?*a ''im sea -_ .?:- ?---1 (THE DOCTOR AND THE DRESS MAKER. nr nr.t.i v rnENCii. The Doctor came first to our village, lie was* a (all, dark sour looking indi vidual, n rattle on tKe shady side of forty. He calh?* hi'tnsi.tf a widower, and Was rnthor handsome too, fcV! for a'H that the girls failed to set their caps for him, as is generally the c*sa where single gVn tlvuieu take up fby,>r abode in our place. 1 don't dilti* that he got many pH tients at first, lor all he had a sign with A. 34. Rose, M. D., i? gilded letters, above the door of Iiis office. lie had not been in our villsgc mote t*6an a month when Mrs. Wiggins, tho drcssaiaLer, arrived, and fitted up a shop ju*t opposite the doctor's office. The dit\ssdiTU*& ivhs also tall and dark, but unlike the Doctor, .she had a peaked ncsc and sharp black eyes. They were u strange pair, for though they never spoke tu each other and neither owned to huving made the uthetV ucquaintanee, they took care to thr ?w themselves in each other's way, tin J 1? their actions to show their contempt for each other. If the doctor chanced to be passing the dressmaker's sh ip r] nn would go tile door in bis facfl mud if tho drossln ikor saw tho worthy M.- ]?)., she \.ould turn as though disgusted beyond measure. People soon saw the too were trying to annoy each other,; aud home of the mis chievously iivcliwd resolved to help them. One motming we wcr_ all astonished at seeing Phw doctor and dressmaker h id exchanged signs. This made considera ble sport, for neither ol the two'scorned to know anything about, the. matter, and ol' course no one took the trouble to in. form cither, q jfj Now it happened on that day that a couple of strangeptj came. \ntv' owr vii | Ugc troni tS*e country. 'JL:ln:y had been | HiKinuu i-'iii a WOUItS, IItill the iooti ' husband, aa soorra.i ho eatuo" to fotvnj purchased a nice dress lor Iiis hiide. 'I think, Chillies,' she said, 'that I ! will-have it cut by a i 'Ssmnker before going home, for 1 might not get the i Chance again for a mouth;' 'Very well- my love,-' returned the husband. 'There is one just ahead of usj yo? can slop rtt\hero.' 'And thcri^jsij' doctor's sign on the dtlier side. Charles. While I am gci Viag my dress cut you em drop in ;il the doctor's, and get tllat'medicine for Mr. Orolf..' '?80 1 Can, /Iubn> lor I am glad that you reminded' me of it, or 1 should have forgotten iu' And the two parted, one going into tfi? doctor's office with her diess, and tiio other into the dres maker's shop to procure sotno medicine. 'Hem!' coughed-the latter, bowing before Mrs. Wiggins; 'is your husband ut home, madam %' 'And pray who told you I had a bus band, sir!' was,.tusked in return. 'Hem! a mistake?your brother, 1 lutau,' apologized the )oung man. 'My brother? 1 have no brother.' 'Well, it is the doctor! ?fish to sec, ciaduui.' ?Tho doctor, sir ! Do you mean to iu sult me V ?Why, no. I saw the sign, and' ?You must he drunk !' she exclaimed; indignantly ; 'mine is a dressmaker's j B'g?-' 'I bog your pardon, madam, but let me request you to read for yourself, and you will find that' As if I don't know what is on my own sign ?' she interrupted, rising hastily aud going to tho door. 'Tlio wrotch !' she cried, as her eyes rested on the doctor's name. 'To think that be dared do such a thing ! I'll tear ? \* eyes out 1' V bile this interesting scene was being enacted at the dressmaker's, another no 'ess so was transpiring at tbc doctor's. When Julia left her husband, she tripped up s'airs and knocked lightly at the door bf title doctor's office. Tho worthy M. D. answered the sum mons in person. Supposing him to be the husband of the dressmaker, she inado known her business at once, by saying, 'I came, sir, to have a dress ctit.' 'A dress eut? he repeated in astoriish 'I dou't eut dresses.' 'Ah sir, 1 beg pardon, I thought that Mrs. Wiggins resided here.' 'Mrs. Wiggins! No, indeed, ma'txtn? that amiable person holds forth On the other side of the street. Though if you don't want yoOr dress spoiled you better keep away from her.' 'Doesn't she have any sign'/ asfced the little lady wonderingly. 'Why yes, don't you see it V 'Jhe doctor popped out his head, but iustcad of reading Mrs'. Wiggins'; he read A. M. lb.se, M. \\ ?Thunder and lightning?' ho exclaim ed, '"she has been Stealing my sign !' 'And you have been stealing hers, ju*dging" from the name at the door,' fvr turney Julia. Dovfn went the doctor in' a o'eat of passion, and trivTng one glace at the dressmaker's! sign, he tore it from its fastenings, and bearing it in bis hands ! made his way across the street, at the ; very moment that Mrs. Wiggins made (!?.' discovery of his sign hanging at her door. 'How dare you, madam'?he cried, ?how dare you ploy such u trick on mo?" throwing the bit of painted tin at her f.et. 'How d ue you play such a trick on tne' she exclaimed in turn, grasp*ng the sign which hung nt h r door, and cast ing it at him with all her might. 1. m 'I, madam; wouldn't pick up your . sign in the street, so don't imagine that 1 would put it at my door.' 'And I would us quick touch a snake as anything bearing your name !' 'A wo.ik sublerfugo madam.' 'A weak subterfuge, sir "If you put y our sign tit my door 'again, I shall thVow it into tho street, Iliad tin.' II you put your sign al my door again. I will put it into tho lire sir.' Ami you need* not mind gaping at me all the time from your window. Your face is not so attractive, us to charm me, though goodness klibWs I can never look out b'.d 1 tfpo it the first i hing.' 'Which proves, sir, that you are look I ing for it Indeed you ore always |?sprowltn<i nut before that window, and \f I ij.y< i.. keep my oyos away you will hark, to take notice" of you ' T am not a d >g, liuidaui, though you must b.' a cat, judging from the ,vay you purr about your customers. 1 de test cats.' Not mote tb.in I detest you, sir.' ?I want none of your slang-.' 'And 1 want noiio ol yours.' *(Jo into the bouse and mind your I ii i -111?? - s. don't Voll SCO what a great crowd your long tongue is drawing here if' 'It is your own tongue that is calling them this way.' 'I should think tint it was both of your tbugues, said the fanner.' 'indeed!' cxcluiucd' Mrs. Wiggins, fiuuiicllilig into the house. ?Indeed!' echoed the doctor, turning away in disdain. T think dear,' said the farmer to his wile, - that we will go elsewhere for what we wish.' 'Yes, Charles, 1 will not patronize either of them.' And the young wife took her hus band's arm and the two walked away from the crowd oi tittering villagers. This incident wus the town talk for a whole week, and, in (ho meantime, the people made up their minds that Mrs. Wiggins and Dr. Boso must be in some wuy related, but how they could not decide All were anxious to learri something of the two, consequently tho doctor found more patients and the dressmaker more work in her line, than either would have done otherwise. But tho mischievous one who had ohanged the signs bad succeeded so well in making sport, that he resolved to try again. Accordingly, one morning, the drrcssmnkcr received the following note : ?Will tlio lair Mrs. Wiggins pardon the writer ol" this epistle lor daring to address her T He has seen and admired her, and wishing to make her acquain tance, take.1? this way to introduce him self. 'If the fair Mrs. Wiggins is inclined to look favorably on his suit, she will please address a reply to Hers truly. ?A. P. Blairk. And the Same morning that the dress maker received the above, the doctor came in possession of a neat, perfumed note, which iufortried him'that a lady of that village had become charmed with his personal'appearance ?and wished to open a correspondence with him. The note was signed 'Ague.'' A very.' Ofcou'rso both these epistles were answered, and both answers fell into the hands of the funny man who happened to !)?> tho clerk of the post office. A correspondence between him and the two followed, which, of course was very amusing) but he was obliged to end it at last, for both the doctot and dressmaker were anxious for an inter view; she, with the Adolphus who had become enamored by her charms, and he with the fair I nly who ielt'such an interest in him. Tin- i.i>rrrt.'P?n.l,'ii-i, hnd I.t en enrried on aboil! three weeks, wlteil one day the dressmaker received a letter full ol love 1 sucli nothings, but. *vl,-ich en ded thus : '\ wish very much to see you, dear Mrs Wiggins, but the doct r CVCftho way keeps such a .-harp watch that 1 have been fearful lest he has a prior claim. Indeed, he has Leen known to dee', ire that be would murder the man who would dare marry you. So you s?cc, my love, WO must be very careful. 1 will await you t"-i Jit at precisely 8 o'clock, on the road near the one mile bridge. Com ' disguised, fnj fear tho doctor might b- Ii Mow ing. We ir i blue vail and 1 shall know you. Good-hy until then, dearest 1 idy. 'Fa on your admirer, 'A P. 13 LA IRE.' While Mrs Wiggins was gazing smil ingly upon the bit of note paper which she held beforo her, the doctor, .at iu his office, reading the following: 'As you seem to be so anxious for an interview, I have resolved to grunt you tine to-night M'C'et me' at eight o'clock I on the r?h'd near tht! one-mile bridge; 1 shall conic disguised, and wish you to do the same, lor fear that we may be watched, 1 w ill w'ear a him; vail, and y >u n ay put a rose in your cap. Thus each may recognize the ethVr without j l r ??ble. 'Till tonight, good-by. A.A.' The doctor rubbed hi:: hands as he \ finished read in . 1 alii glllU . lie: iTAimtiuiwu, f , _ everything happened just as it did) glad ibat We had the quarrel; ye*, glad about every i hing. That (veiling the doctor left his office precisely at half-past seven o'clock, and took bis way toward the one-mile bridge. ?J will be there early,' he mused as he walked along. 'It is very uncomfort able f r a lady to have I" wait out on a lonely road at night, anil then she might be noticed.' I"iftco i minutes nfter the doctor bad left Iiis offica the dressmaker, attired in a suit id'deep mourning glided out of her shop and took her way up I he road iu the same direction that the doctor hau taken. ?1 have I he blue veil sale in i> y pock et,, she said to herself, "but 1 will not put it on until I get beyond the village, lor fear 1 may Rttmct attention, 1 do wonder w hat sort of a chap that Hlairn is?? A good lookiug one 1 dare say. and it he is wi ll to do in the. world, 1 shall cease to regret that quarrel with? pshaw, I never did regret it.' On she walked in the soft summer twilight, thinking of the past, the pres ent, and the Inline. It was nearly u mile to the bridge, and t'ue shadows had deepened, ami tbc stars hud come oui iu thi sky nbovc, ore She reached the trystiife At Inst n bend in thcYnnd brought her ifi sight of the bridge ami also of tho doctor, who was walking a long moidtentarily expect ing to greet the lady who had become so interested in him. As soon as Mrs. Wiggins distinguish ed the form of a man in tie: road before her, she thought of her 1??i", and, takiug it from her pocket, she jthren it over her bonnet. As the doctor observed tho token of recognition, he rush d forward with ex tended hands exclaimed : 'My dear Agnes, thi(?'< meeting gives me the greatest of pleasure!' 'Agnes !' echoed Mra^Wiggius men tally. 'Surely the niamjfcust be going crazy. My name ii notN Agnes and 1 never signed myself so fn the world. However. I will not pr?fend to notice the mistake, for mistakat^it must he.' Then aloud, 'I am sure u|r. Blairc that the meeting is as grc!'t;: a pleasure to myself as to you, and?' 'Mr. whom did you sa^?' interrupted the doctor. 'Why, Mr. P.lairc of course,* returned bis companion. 'J fear you are making game of me Miss A very.' ' '?ff 'Ky tie me is not Miss-Avcry.' 'And mine is n >t Mr. iJlaire.' ? 15itt you w ar the blue veil, madam.' 'And you to!ei tnc to wa^ir it, sir.' ?1 told you to wear it?; AVhy you iu form 1 me that v. u would wear it your self, and dersircd m : to vear a rose, as I have lb tie.' ? Von ar ' mistaken, sir.**.- . , 'I te'.l von i'i .t you a.*/the one who is mistaken.' '.x;, ?A : ? ? ?No h tt y< u must bo 4fi&. A very.' ? 1 I ? ? \ I . :. , v'--o ?,\n : ?o^ r ^ How could 1 be mistaken when hearing the squeaking voieo <>!' Hess Wiggins.' And how could I be mist;.' eu when hearing the hear growl of that detest able !> ict : Itoso ?' *.l/.nl on. this i* a piece of impudeu ?? j wh::ii 1 will never forgive. How dare you ? riie to me'{' 'II w d.ncl you write to mo 7 1| never would have nnswered the letter il ! I had'Mij [losed Mr. Blairc and y iu were ' the ?an.e '. 'How d?red you address yourself to me under ti false name ?' ?1 did not address you under a false mune. but you addressed yourself to mo under a false name.' I Here a gigglo, which canto from a I clump ol hushes near at hand, startled the two. j ?lie ! we arc W'tched,' exclaimed (hi doc-or. 'Say. rath or, that we are the victims ol a stupid joke,' siid J/rs. Wiggins. ?\\ \\\ somu one must have hoen writ- [ ing to bot1 V i.V.' ?'/, uiiii believe that, you are right. They are even no?v enjoying our dis comfiture.' 'And 1 shall not da/e to show my face ill tin* \ ill i_re again.' S \\<\ Mr-. Wiggins began to cry. Her te.us seemed to n fleet the doc tor, who said afli r :i pause : 'Hess, I have often thought that we were \ti\ foolish to quarrel <?n our wed- j ding ni. ht.' you who run away.' 'I know it. Infi I loved you, el-o I should not have followed you.' ?True, .so you innst. Strange tl. thought in v? r occurred to me 1>. lore; Why didn't you tell inc." ?Me tell you ! Why ',l would havi been V( ry unhid) like.' 'So it would. ()f \ hat was 1 think- : ing. 1 say Hess, I utti glad s ?ni'( hue ! took tho business in hand fur us. Aren't ' you V * A*nd now let ns cotnmenco where tve j left off on the night we quarreled?or in other words let u- go buck to the village and unite our dctiiiie.H as we once intend ?i to dti' ?Hut you will not gef angry and run ? off again if 1 chance to wear a rose giv cn to me by another gentleman. Will you V ?No licss, neither will you wear a rose given to you by another gentleman. Take oil'your blue veil and accept my ! arm. and we will walk to the village.' The dressmaker did as she w as ro qUCStcd and the two walked together. The next morning then; was a mar riage iu our village, ami before night the dressmaker's sign was down, or rather replaced by another, whoso neat, gilded letters were so arranged that the passerby read. Mits. A. M. Hose, Dressmaker. T!ic Lent Half Dollar. When Charles Gleason was about ten years old, :i bright ball-dollar was giron him by his grandfather, to buy anytning he pleased for :i New Ycar'3 present. Tho boy's mother that morning had taught bin the verse : "lie that bath pity on tho poor lendeth to tho Lord, and that which he bath will lie repay him again.', The words were running iu the boy's mind, on his way to the store to purchase n toy that ho 1 ad seen in the window of the shop the previous day. Just before Charlie reached the store, he met. a poor woman, who had some times done washing for his mother, and she seemed to be in great distress. 'What is the mutter, Hannah/' said this kiml heat ted child. 'Oh, Master Charlie, I've,got to be turned into the street this cold morning, and my little Dill is so sick, too !' 'Turned into the n<rcet?y ou and Dill ?what for V 'Because I can't rniso my wbckly rent. I have just bet n to see my landlord, and be says its thrte days overdue, ami he'll not wait another day. Thero go ' the tuen to put out my bod and stove, uad a few other thin,--: on the Sidewalk. Oh, what shrill I do?' i ilToW much is your :nit, Hannah ?' asked fto* hoy w-ith :i o.iokinjgv/tee. ''It's half a dollar,' siid'the %inan. ?It will kill Bill to put htm out it:' this cold, and sure I will die with hiiu.' ?no, ygu shantT said half dollar and placed it quickly in her hands. Seeing she hosittt'tcd to keep it, notwithstanding her great need. Charlie told her it was all bis own. to spend as ho pleased, and that he would rather Live it t-i h T than h.ive the* nicest toy in the store. i hen walking away swiftly from the sin p windows, which were all full of :?? npting New Year's presents, he went bravely b into to bis mother, sure id' her approbation. The first person ho tuet wa hia grand lath r He had ob served ( i, rlio down the street, and waited for his return, that he might see what he hud bought. So his first suluta ti ?n was : 'Well, Charlie, what havo you done with y our money V Now Charlie's grandfather was not a religious man ; and the >y knew that though ho - onetimes gave money to hi* rclation?, ho seifd im ot never bestowed it upon the i or so 1 ? would rather not tell him what ho lia I dond with his money : but while ho In sitate 1. the verse he had that tm ruing learned, came into hi< mind and helpt I Itiin to answer. Looking pleasantly irrt - his grandfather's face he tat I : 'I've lent it. sir.' 'Lent your half-dull ir, foolish boy I You will never .? ' ii again, 1 know.' ?Oh, yes. I si ill raudpa, for I've got a promise to pay.' ?You ineaii a u te, I suppose, but it isn't worth a c -or.' .< .? ? ....i i , am Mire al >ut "it. for it', in the Di 'You i sve put it there for safe keeping, rth . I. : nie see it.' Charlie brought him lhe book anil >!. >wed him the v. i ? : - iL-that hath pity on the tL< p ior. ! 'ii leth to the Lord, and he that hath g ven will Ho pay him ?So y >u gave your inori -y to.some poor scamp '.' Well, you'll never see it again. Who !. ?:- ! it. pr.lV '(" ? 1 gave ii t > I i ton ih (I re n. sir.' Charlie told bi n the sad story. 'O fudge! .i tl his grand fat hef, 'you can't pay poor lo!k>' renL It's all non sense. An . you've lost your New Year's pn sent , i if 1 don't make it up to you. Hero.' bo added, as be throw him another h.ili'-dollar, 'scoiug your money is gouo where you will never see it again, I um i give some more, I stip ?1)1:. thank you!' said Charlie, hearti ly. -| knew die Lord would pay nie again, grandpa, because the Bible says so, but I didn't expect to get it so quick.' '?That boy's too much for mo,' said the old gi ntlemau as he walked quickly away. Billing's Almitiax for 1872. Tho Bpelliiig of tho Altuinax is bad. In our interview at Saratoga Josh at tributes his passion for bad spelling to spells during infancy and poor memory in old ago. (J. B. is one hundred and fifty years old.) His spells grow worse. Yesterday we Went up to Tommy Nast's studio, on One Hundred and Twenty-fifth Btreet, aud all th'rec of us picked out the following as Mr. B.'s most brilliant scintillations of genius. They are solid chuuks of wisdom : CHUNKS OF WISDOM. Prudes nro coquets gone tow seed. Revenge sumtimes sleeps, but yauitj alwus keeps one / open. It iz just nz natural two be born poor az to be born naked, and it iz no more disgrace. The only human being on the face ov this earth that 1 real envy iz a lafHng Christian. A man whom yu kan hire tew work on a farm for nothing, and board himself, will just earn about his wages. . Tharo iz two kind ov men that i dont kare to meet when i am in grate hutry, men that i owe, an 1 men that want to owe me. 1 kant see what woman wants enny more 'nights' for, for she beat the fust man bore, into the world out ov a ded sure thing, and she kan beat the last one wi*h the same kards. 1 atrwus did admire the m'alico ov the tnula. i If a ?fr in If of fortune had made tne a7. misfortuuatc omung men as the mule I iz aiming animals . would begin tew lot j drive at things fa mile an a haff off. To learn a cat to bite?feed her on j catnip tea. To make a gooso good eating?bring ^^^A^Byi^ Q Whi iz the meazlcs like fresh mack re) ? A They run in schools aud hav tew be caught before they can be had. (.> W ho was he^fust brewer? A Satan ; he brewed mischief. Which are two ov the lost arts ? A Modesty and good home made bread. Q Who waz the weakest man? A Fred Dennett couldn't lift his note for fifteen dollars. What is the fastest trotting time on reck ord? j A 1 don't know az I kare. Q What is the surest gait on the road ? " j A A t .11 gate. Q Who had tho best artikle of pash utice ? A Job. 11 is pashuhCC Was biled dowu to a spot. Q Who iz the champion of \\tc weights ? A The Nu .1 Tsoy muskctor. As EMUAKnASsiNd Position.?'I say, conductor, do you know that good looking lady tlure, with a book?' 'Yes, 1 have seen her a few times'." ?l!v Jove, she's splendid !' 'Yes, 1 think sho is. Would you like to occupy the scat with her !' 1 don't know but, it would bo out of order.' ?It would no' if she was willing to nave you occupy it. Of course yotf claim to bo a gentleman.' ?O. certainly. If you are acquainted with her give me an introduction; that is, if you have no objection.' 'Certainly not.' fixing hia '.air. mustache and whis ker- in becoming style, be followed the conductor, who. on reaching the seat whore the Is 1} tat. said, with a peculiar twinkle in his eye : 'My wife, .1/r.-, of New Vor*.*, assures mo tl'at ho will die before reaching Detroit, if he docs not form your acquaintance.' The gentleman stammered, stuttered, grew red i:i the face, faltered out some excuse, and returned to his seat, leaving the lady in Company with her husband, to enjoy the joke. How man)' men always become, four handed?? Dy doubling their fists. A lobstor never comes ashore without great risk of getting into hot water. "\\ hen is a clock on the stairs danger ous? When it runs down. Aman courting a young woman was interrogated as his occupation. 'I am a pant r-h anger on a large scale,' he replied. He married the girl, and turned out to he a bill sticker. How the Dutchman Killed tho ' Woodchaek. . \;1f ej j f Tell, den. I tells jou mit de time I -. r goed a liuntiii mit mine brodder Shake; ren we rash boys not so biggorish wq ish now. Shako be vash smaller ash I bin, unt I vash bigger ash Shake. We rash dwin boys, but dcrc vash about two or dree yer.rs bigger aflh* vun anudder ush. Veil den, von day I dakes brodder Shake tint two udder togs, unt I delft* dem we go a huntio mit de wood chuck UQt some oder dings? Ve go to ole barn past, unt te pack side of te field bchint us, unt pooty soon we kit do voots iu te mittle of us; ten I vistlcs to Shake uut te udder two togs, unt by and by somedings schart to togs, unt they roou shust so pig fa'sht ash dey neffer vas roon before. Shake he roou pooty fasht, unt I roon, for I dinks someding vash schart mit to toga. Pooty soon tho togs vash stop' mit roonln, vidi' vash makin dere bets in de log mit el pig hole in it, ven I comas up. Shake, he says, 'Probdcr Hans, ter ish a wood shuck in to log mit te hole.' Den * tells Shake, 'You shust vatch mit von bole, uut te togs te udder hole, den I will make vun udder hole, mit mine ax',' in te mutle of te log, uut teu, ven 1 see him I will schlock him un te koop, unt ? schmito his hed off rait de ax.' 80 Shake, he iays, 'I vill stop de hole mis mine foot, so ho vill not mooch kit out mit dis hole.' Den I day dakes mibe*1 ax, unt a hole make in te log. Pooty soon I kits a hole, unt I dinks I see to woodchuchs, unt I dells brodder Shak*6' to still bo, unt I shopped a little more, unt den11 seas do dings hot, bo I makes to ax come down mit all my m'ght?-1 dinks I vill m&dc his het off?unt ?ine Gott! vat you dink ! Pro'ddeV ShaBs> he w air es vun pig or unt English, all tc 'Brodder Hans, dash is not te Wood shuck ; you ish von tarn fool, you hath' schmite mine foot off. Oh! mine Gott; I ish kill!' Veil, T vash schart mooch! I dinks I had kilt br?d<?lcr Shake, unt' I gried a leetlc, unt I schrcweared a lcetlc, uut ten I looked in tc hole, unt tere vash a plesh of brodder Shake's boot, unt two or dree toes, all bloody laying iu tc log, but derc tash no wood shuck or any udder dings in -fe IbfT. Shake, ho groaned so big lout, dal ^ duke his foot unt dies mine shirt up mit is. Shake, he make him up on my back, unt I garried him to to ho Use'.' Py uut by his foot git well, but no more toes crowned out it, uut be say, 'Prodder Hans, I vill no more go woodshuck mit youunt he neuer did. A Troubled Amendment.?A lady was'reading to her servauts au account' of the Chicago fire. The accident of the burning of the emancipation procla mation, which cost the city 823,000 for its Historical Society, arrested the atten tion of one old colored woman, a slave a!f her life, who viewed the proclamation much as the Israelites did the ark'of the covenant. 'What dat,' she said, burnt up?' 'Yes, aunty, burned up.' 'Den what gwine to come of uV again !' 'I do n't Know; may be you 11 bo slaves' 'Ben dis chile gwine to die right now.' And throwing up her hands in dis-' may, she left tho presence of her mis I tress, visiting dire imprecation's on tho* head of the man 'wot sot dat fire. Freddy, a fair haired youugster of four sum net s, the other day, aller being* ! lost in thought, broko out thus, address'-' iug bis father: 'Pa, can (Tod do anything?' 'Yes, d'jar.' 'Can hi make a two your old colt ihh two minutes ?' ?Why,' said the astonish?d parent * 'ho would not wish to do that, Fred-' dy.' 'But if he did want to, could he?' in'.' sisted little Freddy. 'Yes, certainly, if he wished to do' so.' 'Well, then, he wouldn't be two years' old, would he ?' Simple Addition.?Addiug to ?-.j'a'i family. A Crying Sin.?Taking babies to'the* play. When a man's faco turns as yellow as* a guinea he is said to have a rioh com. plcX'.on.