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TWO DOLL AHR l'Ell ANNUM, y GOD A.ISI D OTJ R fcOUNTRY. -{ ALWAYS IN ADVANCE VOLUME 6. SATURDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER 25, 1871. NUMBER 41 ?THE ORANGEBCTRG NEWS ?:o:? ^fatBLlSHED AT o"R atvto TST-mrao EVorS'Saturdfty Mornini?. bV the feRANGERVRC. NEWS COMPANY TERMS OP SUBSCRIPTION. flae Copy for one year. $2.00 " ? " Six Months. . 1.00 Any otief-endinff TEX DOLLARS, for n Clnb of New Subscribers, will receive nn EXTRA COPY for OXE YEAR, free of charge. Any ono sending FIVE DOLLARS. f?r a Club of Xew Subscribers, will receive mi EXTRA COPY for STX MOXTHS. frea of charge. '?:oi? RATES OF ADVERTISING. 1 Square l?t Insertion. $1.60 ?? ? 2<l " .(i.. 1.00 A Square consists of 10 lines Brevier or one inch of Advertising space. Administrator's Notieep, .$5 00 Notices of Dismissal of Guardians, Ad ministrators, Executors &C....?0 00 Contract Advertisements inscrtad upon the most liberal terms. MARRIAGE and FUNERAL NOTICES, sot exseeding ?rt? Square, inserted without eaarge. tar TcriuR Cash in Advance, "?a THE DOCTOR AND THE DRESS MAKER. by belt>.-y FitENcti. The Doctor came first to ourvilfagft tic wa? a dull, dark sour looking indi vidual, n rUtle on tiro shady side of forty, lie CMllt J limiseif a widower, und Vfas rather handsome ton, fc'v? fur a;H that the girls failed to set their caps for him, as is generally Lite c-vea where, single gen tk'inen take tip thr-3r abode in nur place. 1 don't ihiii?; that he got many pa ticnts at Crst, for ail he had a sign with A. JJ. Hose., M. !>., lit jMldcd letters above the dour of his oflice. lie hud nut been in our Tilltg'C mole than a month when Mrs. Wiggins, the drcssaiiiker, arrived, and fi:t.*d up a shop ju?t opposite the doctor's office. The dicssihn'ljinT Avhs also tall and dark, but unlike the Doctor, she had a peaked n< sc and sharp black cj*cs. They were a strange pair, for though they never spuke to each other and neither owned to having made the uthci'ti acquaintance, they took care to thr.nv themselves in each other's way, and b their actions to show their contempt for each other". If the doctor chanced to be passing the dressmaker's shop plain would go tho door iu bis lace, ami if the dressni ik;:r saw tho ?Worthy Mv !>.,? she would turn as though disgusted beyond measure. People 80011 saw the too Were trying to annoy each utber, aud ?o:iie of the mis chievously Mrchwed resolved to help them. One molding we wer. till astonished at seeing rb?j doctor and dressmaker had exchanged signs*.' This made considera ble sport, fot" neither ol the two*scorned to kuow anything about the matter, ami of course no one took the trouble to in form either. i Now it happened on that day tlut a couple of etrangei-.s cauio into- owr vii l??rrt iron, rh'o ('Otttitrv -HdVhv bbd boon married but a few weeks, and the fund husband, as BOOH as Iu? CUIIitf to town, purchased a nice dress lor bis bride. 'I think, Charles,' she said, 'that 1 will have it cut by a dressmaker before going home, for 1 might not get the Chance again for a month.' 'Very weif, my love,' returned the husband. 'There if" one just ahead of us; yod can stop "in" life re.' 'Ami tlu.!i?jfj(' )i!doVt>>i 's sign on the dllict' side. Charles. Whilu lam get viag my dress cut you e in drop in it the doctor's, and get tlful medicine for Mr. tiroff.' 'So I Can, (.Iuija, for I am -lad that 5ou rotnintle.l me of it, or 1 should have forgotten it.' And the two parted, out) going into tdiu doctor's ulflce with h.er dless, and tile other into the dies-maker's shop to procure froinc medicine.. 'Hem!' coughed the. latter, bowing before .Mrs. Wiggins; 'is jour husband at home, madam /.' 'Aud pray who told you I had a hus band, sir!' was asked in return. ' Hem! a mistake.?your brother. I ini an.' apologized tho young man. 'My brother'' 1 have no brother.' 'Well, it is the doctor I ifish to see, Eiadaut.' 'The doctor, sir ! Do you mean to iu sult nie V '"Why, uo. I saw the- s:gn, and' 'You must be drunk !' ?tio exchumcdj indignantly; -mine is u dressmaker's Bign.' 'I heir your pardon, madam, but let me request you to rend for yourself, and you will find that' As if 1 don't kii'ivr what is on my own sign V she interrupted, rising hastily and going to tho door. 'The wretch !' she cried, as her eyes rested on the doctor's name. 'To think ttint ho dared do such a thing ! I'll tear ? is eyes out !' V liilc this interesting scene was being enacted at the dressmaker's, another no less so was transpiring at the doctor's. When Julia loll her husband, she tripped up stairs and knot-kef.! lightly at the door of the doctor's office. The worthy M. D. answered the sum mons in person. Supposing hint to he the husband of the dressmaker, she made known hor business at once, by saying, '1 came, sir, to have a dress cut.' 'A dress cut? he repeated in nsloriish 'I dou't cut dresses.' ?Ah sir, I beg pardon, I thought that Mrs. Wiggins resided here.' 'Mrs. Wiggins ! No, indeed, ma'am? that amiable person holds forth cm the other side of the street. Though if you don't want yonr dress spoiled you better keep away from her.' 'Doosu't she have any sign',-' a'filicd the little lady wondcringly\ 'Why yes. don't, you see it ?' The doctor popped out his head, but iuste.-fj of reading Mrs*. Wiggins', he read A. M. Hose, M. ?. 'Thunder and lightning ?' ho exclaim ed, "she has boon stealing my sign "' 'And you have been stealing hers, judging from the name at the duor,J rV t urncy .1 u'ia. DoVrn went the doctor in* a" o'eat of passion, nnd giving otic gl.ice at the dressmaker's sign, he tore it from its fastenings, nnd bearing it in his hands made his way across tho street, at the very moment that Mrs. Wiggins made t!v discovert of his sign hanging at her door, 'llow dar?: you, niadaiu*?he cried. I-how daro you play such a trick on I mo?" throwing the bit of painted tin at her 1". et. ?How d ue yon play stu b a trick on inc' she exclaimed ill turn, grasp'ng the sign which hung ::t h r door, and cast ing it at hi in with all her might. . 1, madam; wouldn't pick up your sign in the street, so don't imagine that i w ould put it at my do n'.' ?And 1 would us quick touch a snake as anything hearing your name !' 'A we:ik subterfuge uiuduin.' ?A weak subtcrlugo, sir ?If ' iu j;iii your sign at my door again, t shall throw it uro the street, mad ? in.' ?Ifyou |>iA youY sign at u;y door again, I will put it into the lire air.' ?And you need1 not mind gaping at me all the time from your window. Your lace is not BO attractive, as to charm me, 111>>m_?!? uuodncss k'noWs 1 can never look 1 n't bAd 1 dec it the first i hing.' ?Which prove... ?.ir. that you a;e look ; r.?. 1...1 .. i .- . ?... 1 sprowliuu out be for 0 that window, and if I try to keep my eyes away you will hark, to taVo nbricaj of you *I am not 11 d ig, uiad.im, though you must be a cat, judging from the .vay you purr about your customers. I de test eats. ?Not morn than I detest you, sir.' ?1 w ant none of your slang.' 'And 1 want none ol yours.' ?(Jo into (he house and mind your business, don't yuu see what a great crowd your long tongue is drawing here V It is your own tongue that is calling them this way.' ?1 should think that it was both of your tongues, said the farmer.' ?Indeed!' exclait-cd Mrs. Wiggins, Huuiichiug into the liuuso. ?Indeed!' echoed tho doctor, turning away in disdain. ?I think dear,' said the iurmcr to his wite, 'that we will goolscwhore for what WO wish.' 'Yes, Charles, I will not patronize either of t hem.' And toe young wile took her hus bnlid's arm ami tho two walked ..wav from the crowd ol tittering villagers. This incident was the town talk for a whole week, and, in the meantime, the people made up their minds that Mrs. j Wiggins and Dr. Boso must be in some way related, but how they could not decide All were anxious to leirri something of the two, consequently tho doctor found more patients and the dressmaker more work in her line, than either would have, done otherwise. But the mischievous one who had changed the signs had succeeded so well iu making sport, that he resolved to try again. Accordingly, one m iming, the drressuiakcr received tho following note : 'Will I lie fuir Mrs. Wiggins pardon the writer of this epistle for daring to address her ? He has seen and admired her. and wishing to make her acquain tance, take.-: this way to introduce him self. 'II the fair Mrs. Wiggins is inclined to look favorably on bis suit, she will please address a reply to Hers truly , 'A. P. Br.AiKE.' And the Same morning that the dress maker received the above, the doctor came in possession of a neat, perfumed note, which iu for tried hitn*that a lady of that village had become charmed with his person?1 'appearance ?and wished to open a correspondence with him. The note was signed 'Agnes A very.' Of Course both these epistles were answered, and both answers fell into the hands of tbc funny man w! happened to be the clerk of the post oilicc. A correspondence between him and the two followed, which, of course was very amusing' but he was obliged to end it at last, for both the doctot and dress maker were anxious for an inter view; she. with the Adolph us wlu had become unauiorcd by her charms, and he with the fair lady who felt'such an interest in him. tPHe tSJfiVjWy*Iiidi/ft?J"U Iium been e.uiied on about three weeks, wUeh one day the dressmaker received it letter full ol lotfc und such nuthiugs, but. wli'ieh en ded thus : '\ wish very much to see you, dear ! Mrs Wiggins, but the doc. r ?vcr the way keeps such a sharp watch that 1 have been fearful lest lie has a prior claim. Indeed, ho has been known to deel uc that ho would murder the man who would dare inarry you. So you see, my love, wc must bo very earelul. I will await you to-night at precisely 8 u'clo'ck, on the road near the one mile bridge. Come disguised, fu fear the doctor might b ? I? Mowing. Wear i blue vail and 1 shall know you. Good*by until then, dearest 1 tdy. 'Fa im your admirer, ?A P. Blaire.' While Mrs Wiggins was gazing smil ingly upon the bit of note paper which she held before her, the doctor, sat in his office, reading the following: 'As you seem to bo so anxious for an interview, I have resolved to grant von one tOMligllt M"C'ct 1110 at eight o'clock on the l?h'd near thn OUC-lllilo bridge; 1 shall come disguised', and wish you to do the same, lor fear that we may be watched 1 will v'car a bluer vail, and y >u may put a rose in your cap. Thus each limy' rdcoguize fire oth/er without ?trouble. 'Till to nigbt, gnod*by. A. A.' The doctor rubbed his bands as he e. ...j ._r,?., '1 am glad!' be exclaimed; 'find that everything happened just as it did; glad that we had tho quarrel*, yes, glad about every thing'." That ( Veiling the doctor left bis oflflCO precisely at half-past seven o'clock, and look bis way toward tho one-mile bri Ige. '1 will be there early,' be mused as lid walked along. Ti is very uncomfort able 1 r u lady to have 1.0 wait out Oil a lonely road at night, and then she ini;_;lii be not iceu.' Killer i IliinutCS aber (be doctor hail left his i lliee the dressmaker, attired in a suit of deep mourning glided out of her shop and took her way up the road iu the same direction that the doctor hau taken. 'I have the bltlo veil safe in i-y pock et,, she said to herself, 'but I will not put it on until I get beyond tho village, lor fear 1 may (ttlmct attention. 1 do wonder what sort of a chap (hat Blilirc is?* A gOoH looking one I dare say. und it be is well to do in the world, 1 shall cease to regret that quarrel with? pshaw, I never ditl regret it.' On t-h<: walked in the soft summer twilight, thinking ol the past, the pres ent, und' I he iui inc. It was nearly u mile to the bridge, and tiie shadows had deepened, and tbc stars hail conic otti iu thjsky above, ore rJhc rtaohcd the trystidpf- At last n bend in the Voad broughthof in sight of* the bridge ami also of the doctor, who was walking n long momentarily expect ing to greet the lady who had become so interested in him. As soon as Mrs. Wiggins distinguish ed the form of a man in the road before her, she thought of her V?i", und, taking it from her pocket, sho jMircw it over her bonnet. As the doctor observoo" the token of recognition, lie ru-h d forward with ex tended hands exclaimed \ 'My dear Agnes, this", meeting gives me the greatest of pleasure!' 'Agnes!' echoed Mrs,5Wiggius men tally. 'Surely the man (jhust be going crazy. My name is not?1 Agnes and I never signed myself so in the world. However. I will not pretend to notice the mistake, for mistake .it must he.' Then aloud, 'I urn sure ?$r. Blairc that the meeting is as grcat^.a pleasure to myself as to you. and?ST 'Mr. whom did you snj?' interrupted the doctor. 'Why, Mr. P.lairc of Otvftree,-' returned his companion. 'I fear you are making game of me M tss A very. ?Ky name i.- not Miss-AVcry.' 'Ami mine is not M r. Jfca iro. 'But you v.i ar the blltfhvci], madam.' 'And you told me to W.*?r'it, sir.' '1 told you to weir it?,' AVhy you iu f?ti-ii. 1 me that y> tt would wear it your self, and .ler.-ired :n j to ?..cor a rose, us t have d< 'ie.' ' Y"u ;;; ? i:,i-!a';c::. ;'.r.% '1 to'.! y.-.i that 7<?u ar.? tho one who is mistaken.' 'majR* ' A ml are urn not Afi\ ?itro V ?No but yen must be J>& '1 ir';' v- ii 1 am not.'J^UJA . I ?^W^tWWnW How could I be mistaken when hoar nig the squeaking voice of Bess Wiggins.1 And how 6ould I be mistaken when hearing the heir growl ol that detest able Doctor Hose V '"Jmd.nn, this is a piecw of impudence : ?Iii ii 1 will never forgive. How dare you . rite to me V ?11 w dared you write to me? I n fver would have answered the letter it ! I had** uj i. sod Mr. Blairc and you were the same ? 'II' v.- dared you address yourself t ? me under ti false name ?' ?I did not address you under a false name, but yon addressed yourself to tue under :i 'also name.' Here a giggle, which came from a clump "! bushes near at hand, startled I th< two. 'IIa! wc are vtchod/ exclaimed tin doctor. ?Say. rath or, that we are the victims of a stupid joke,' siid .1/ .-. Wiggins. 'Why some one must have boon yviit ;illg to !? ??':: eV i.V;* ?Zounds I believe that you are right. T.Hey are even now ?njoying our di> eomlii uro.' ?And I shall not dafd to show my face ' in the \ ill ige again.' And Mrs. Wiggins begun to cry. Her tears seemed (<? affect the die tor, who said after a pause : ?1!..--. 1 h.ve oft on thought 'hat we were very foolish to quarrel on our wed ding night.' 'So have l.! she sobbed, 'hut i: tvn you w oo rim away.' 'I know it. blil I loved yon. else I should not h ive followed you.' ?'l ine, ? *-.> you inns'. Strange (!:?? thought never occurred to me before.? Why didn't you tell me." ?Mo fell you ! Why it would have been v< ry unladylike.' 'So it would. ()f vh.it was 1 think ing. 1 s ty Bess, I tttrt glad soimi 6na took the business in hand fur us. Aren't you :' ?And now lef us commence where tv> left off on the night we quarreled?or in other words lot us go back to the village and unite our delinks as Ml. one" intend d lo d*>' I *l>ut you will not get ahgry and run oil'again it 1 chance to wear a rose giv. cn to mo by another gentleman. Will you V ?No lb Bs, neither will you wear :i rose ! given to you by another gentleman. Take off your bltto veil and accept my nrin. and wo will walk to the village Tho dressmaker did as she was ro (lUCStod and the two walked together. TllO HCXt morning there was a mar riage in our village, and before night tho dressmaker's sign was down, or rather replaced by another, whose neat, gilded letters were so arranged that the passerby read. Mtts. A.M. Kose, Dressmaker. Tho Id-nt Half Hollar. When Charles Grleason was about ten years old, a bright half-dollar was given bitn by his grandfather,'to buy anytning be pleased for a New Year's present. Tho boy's mother that morning had taught him the verse : "Ho that hath pity on the poor lendeth to the. Lord, und that which be bath will lie repay him again.', The words were running in the boy's mind, on his way to the store to purchase a toy that ho 1 ad seen in the window of the shop the previous day. Just before Charlie reached the store, he met n poor woman, who bud some times done washing for his mother, and she seemed to be iu great distress. 'W hat is the mutter, Hannah 7' said this kind hearted child. 'Oh, Master Charlie, I've got to be turned into the street this cold morning, and my little Hill is so sick, too !' 'Turned iuto the strei t?you aud Bill ?what for V 'Because T can't raiso my wockly rent. I have j uvt been to sec my landlord, und he says i*.s thrte days over due, and he'll not wait another day. Thero go " the man to put out my bod and stove, aad a few other things, on the sidewalk. Oh, what Shall I do?' * 'How much is your r.o,nt, Hanuah ?' neko/dtW^ boy with :?. choking'voice, t*It's half ft dollar,' siidthe tsjpm.ni. It will kill .Bill to pat htm out trf this j cold, and sure I will die with him.' .^.?Noi you won't?-noj you shant l' said ball'dollar aud placed it quickly iu her hands. Seeing she hesittv'ted to keep it, notwithstanding her great need, Charlie told her it was all his own. to spend as be pleased, and t'.. ;! In* would rather give it to Ii r than have the nicest toy in the store. Then walking away swiftly from the sin p windows, which were all full of tc iipting NTew Vc u-'s presents, he went bravely b ?u:c t" his mother, sure of b<-! : pri I ati in. The first person he met u:> his grand lather, lie hud ob served Charlie go down tho street, and waited for his return, that be might see what he had bought. So his first saluta I ti in was : ?Will. Charlie, what have you d'jue with your moiicy '.' ' Now Charlie's grandfather was not a religious man: and the bay knew that though he sometimes gave money to his relations, he sofd mi 01 never bestowed it up ?n the j or, 5 ? ho would rather not tell him wh it ho had donu with his money : Lit while 1..- hesitated, the verse he had that morning learned, came into his mind and helped him to answer. Looking pleasai ly i*rt i hisgrandfalhor's face be } ai 1 : j 'I've lout it. Bir.' 'Lent your half-dollar, foolish boy ! ! You will never . : ii n jain, I know,' I '<>!,. ye>. I .-! all grandpa, for I've got I a promise to } I 'You moan a n te, I suppose, but it isn't worth u cunt.' ,i i 'Oh, ye-, grandpa, it is perfectly good. I I am ??.:; tit it, foi it's in the l>i 'You meat yo*? v'e put ill here for I sole keeping, oh ; Let mo see it.' Charlie bi aighl Itiiu (ho book and sb v*cdbiuitbc verso : 'He that hath pity on the the poor, lendeth to the Lord, und lie thai hath given will lie pay him ?So t ii y id' uion y to some poor seamp ? W eil, you'll never* ?6o it again. Who has jj it It. pray V ? 1 gave ii t ? Hannah I '< > o n, sir.' Charlie told him the sad story. ?I) fudge!' said his grandfather*, 'yon can't pay poor folks' reut. It's all non sense. An i now you've lost your New Y. ir's'p ill 'i if I don't make it up to you. IL ie' ho added, as be threw n another lial.'-dollar, 'seeing your money i- gouc wlieru you will never see it Hguiii, 1 IliU t Live s one ni ne, 1 gup ?tili, thank you " said Charlie, hearti ly. -1 knew the L ud would pay me again, grandpa, because tho Bible says j so, but I dolu'i expect to get it So ] quick'.1 '?That boy's too much for nie,' said the obi g< iitlcuian as ho walked quickly away. Billing's Alminnx for 1872. Tho spelling of tho Alminax is bad. In our interview at Saratoga Josh at tributes his passion for bad spelling to spells during infancy aud poor memory in old ago. (J. B. is one hundred and fifty yours old.) His spells grow worse. Yesterday wo went up to Tommy Nnst's studi , on One Hundred and Twenty-fifth street, and all three of us picked out the following as Mr. B.'s most brilliant scintillatious of genius. They arc solid chuuks of wisdom: CHUNKS OF WISDOM. Prudes nro coquets gone tow seed. Kovengc sumtinies. sleeps, but vauity alwus keeps eine I open. It iz just uz natural two be born poor az to be born naked, and it iz no more disgrace. The only human being on the face ov this earth that I real envy iz a lulling Christian. A man whom yu kan hire tew work ; on :i farm for nothing, and board himsolf, will just earn about his wages. Tharo iz two kind ov men that i dont kare to meet when i am iu grato hutry, tuen that i owe. an I men that want to owe inc. 1 kant sen what woman wants enny mure 'llights' for, for she beat the f?st man bore, into the world out ov a ded sure thing, and she kan beat the lust one with the same kards. I alwus did admire tho malice ov the 1111110. If a tefriaK of fortuno had made me az misfortunato aiming men as the mule izamutig animals i would begin tew Jet d'-ivo at things* niilo an a haff off. To learn a eat to bite?feed her on catnip tea. - To make a gooso good eating?bring A. By robin eVfcrVy trees. Q Whi iz the ineazies like fresh muckrcl? A They run in schools aud liav tew be caught before they can be had. Q Who was thejust brewer ? A Satan; he brewed mischief. Which are two ov the lost arts? A Modesty and good home made bread. Q Who waz the weakest man? A Fred Bennett couldn't lift his note I'.ir fifteen dollars. Q What is the fastest trotting time on reck ord ? A 1 don't know az I kare. (t> What is the surest gait on the mad ? A K t .11 gate. Q Who had tho best artikle of pash unce ? j A dob His pashu*ncKJ Was biled down i to :i spot. Q Who iz the champion of lite weights ? A 'fh.' Nu .1 r-ev muskcter. A.\ IvMUAUItASSlNtl POSITION. ? 'I say. conductor, do yon know that good looking lady there, with a book?' 'Yes, 1 hive seen her a few times'." 'By JoVC, she's splendid !' 'Yes, 1 think sho is. Would you like to occupy the sent with her !' I don't know hut it would be out of order.' ?i vVoubl no; ii she was Willing to have you occupy it. Of course y'o? claim to b4 a gentleman.' lO, certainly. If you are acquainted with her give me an introduction; that is, if you nave objection.' 'Certainly not.' Fixing hia '.'.air. mustache and whis kers in becoming style, he followed the conductor, who, on reaching the seat where ti e U 1\ rat, said, with n peculiar twinkle in his eye : ?My wife, ,l/r.-, of New York, who assures mo flint be will die before ! reaching Detroit, if he docs not form ! your acquaintance' 'i 1. ? gentleman stammered, stuttered, j grew red i i the face, faltered out some j excuse, ami returned to his seat, leaving ii. - lady in company with her husband, to enjoy the joke. How many men always become f'our handed ? ? By doubling their fists. A h lister never comes ashore without [ rent risk of getting into hot water. When is a ehn k on the stairs danger ous? When it runs down. A man com t ing a young woman w as interrogated as Iiis occupation. '1 am a paper-hanger on a large scale,' he replied, lie married the girl, aud turned out to he a 1 ill-sticker How the Dutchman Killed tho Woodchaek. fell, den. I tells you mit de time I goed a huntih mit mine brodder Shake; ven we rash boys not bo higgeriah we ish now. Shako he vash smaller ash I bin, unt I vash bigger ash Shake. Vfc rash dwin boys, but dero vash about two or dree years bigger. aehi vuu anudder ush. Veil den, von day I dakos brodder Shake unt two udder togs, unt I dels' dem wo go a huntin mit de wood chuck unt some oder dings. Ye go to ole barn past, unt te pucksido of tc field bchiut us, unt pooty soon we kit de voots iti te mittle of us; ten X *?i5tles to Shake unt te udder two togs, unt by aud by somedings sch?rt te togs, unt they roon shust so pig fasht ash dfey neffer vas roon before. Shake he roon pooty fasht, unt I rdoo, for I dinks someding vash schart mit to togs. Pooty soon tho togs vash stop mit roonin, tint vash ma kin dero bets in de log mil tt pig hole in it, von I comes up. Shake, he says, 'Probdcr Hans, tcr ish a wood shuck in to log mit te hole.' Den T tells Shake, 'You shust vatch mit vou bole, uut tc togs tc udder hole, den I will make vun udder bole, mit mine ax,' in to mittle of tc log, uut teu, ven I see him, I will schlock him un to koop, unt schmito bis hed off mit de ax.' So Shake, he says, *I vill 6top do hole mit mine foot, so ho vill not inooch kit out mit dia hole.' Den I day dukes mine ax, unt a hole make in te log. Pooty soon I kits a hole, unt I dinks I see tu woodchuchs, unt I dells brodder Shak*6' to still be, unt I shopped a little more, uut der/ I seas do dings hot, so I makes to ax come down mit all my m'ght?>1 dinks I vill made his bet off?unt itiue Gott! vat you dink ! Pro'ddeV Shale'; 'Brodder Hans, dash is not to Wood1*' shuck ; you ish von tarn fool, you Lash1 schmito mine foot off. Oh! miuo Gott; I ish kill!' Veil, I vnsh schart mooeb! I dinks I had kilt brodder Shake, unt' I gried a leetlc, unt I schrcweared a lcetlc, uut ten I looked in tc bole, unt tcre vash u plesh of brodder .Shake's boot, unt two or dree toes, all bloody laying iu tc log, but ??. e tash no wood shuck ur any udder dings in -te l'bjr. Shake, he groaned bo big lout, dat! duke his fii't unt dies mine shirt up mit is. Shake, he make htm up on my back, unt I garried him to to hotlsc.' Py unt by bis foot git well, but no more toes crowned out it, unt he say, 'Prodder Hans, I vill no more go woodshuck mit you;' unt ho ticker did. A Troubled Amendment.?A lady was'reading to her servants au account' of the Chicago fire. The accident of the burning of the emancipat'on proclu mation, which cost the city 823,000 for its Historical Society, arrested the atten tion of one old colored woman, a sluve a!f her life, who viewed the proclamation much as the Israelites did the ark'or the covenant. 'What dat,' she said, burnt up?' 'Yes, aunty, burned up.' 'Den what gwine to come of uV again !' ?I don't know: may be you'll be slaves* as before.' 'Ben ii is chile gwine to die right now.' And throwing up her hands in dis-" may, she left the presence of her mis tress, visiting dire imprecation's on tho' bead of the man 'wot sot dat lire. Freddy, a lair haired youugster of four summers, the other day, alter being* lost in thought, broke out thus, address iug bis father: 'P.i, can God do anything ?' 'Yes. dear.' ?Can h ? make a two year old colt iirt* two minutes ?' 'Why,' said the astonished parent,* 'ho would not wish to do that, Fred-' dy.' ?But if he did want to; could hey in'-" sisted little Freddy. 'Yes, certainly, if he wished to do' so.' 'Weil, then, he wouldu't be two years' old, would iu ':' Simple Addition.?Adding to one's' family. A Crying Sin.?Taking babies t? the* play. When a man's face turns as yellow as" a guinea be is said to havo a rioh com ploxion.