The Orangeburg news. (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, November 25, 1871, Image 2
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Volume 6.
saturday mornin& november 25, 18t1.
n umber 41
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''im sea -_ .?:- ?---1
(THE DOCTOR AND THE DRESS
MAKER.
nr nr.t.i v rnENCii.
The Doctor came first to our village,
lie was* a (all, dark sour looking indi
vidual, n rattle on tKe shady side of forty.
He calh?* hi'tnsi.tf a widower, and Was
rnthor handsome too, fcV! for a'H that the
girls failed to set their caps for him, as
is generally the c*sa where single gVn
tlvuieu take up fby,>r abode in our place.
1 don't dilti* that he got many pH
tients at first, lor all he had a sign with
A. 34. Rose, M. D., i? gilded letters,
above the door of Iiis office.
lie had not been in our villsgc mote
t*6an a month when Mrs. Wiggins, tho
drcssaiaLer, arrived, and fitted up a shop
ju*t opposite the doctor's office.
The dit\ssdiTU*& ivhs also tall and dark,
but unlike the Doctor, .she had a peaked
ncsc and sharp black eyes.
They were u strange pair, for though
they never spoke tu each other and
neither owned to huving made the uthetV
ucquaintanee, they took care to thr ?w
themselves in each other's way, tin J 1?
their actions to show their contempt for
each other.
If the doctor chanced to be passing the
dressmaker's sh ip r] nn would go tile door
in bis facfl mud if tho drossln ikor
saw tho worthy M.- ]?)., she \.ould turn
as though disgusted beyond measure.
People soon saw the too were trying to
annoy each other,; aud home of the mis
chievously iivcliwd resolved to help
them.
One motming we wcr_ all astonished at
seeing Phw doctor and dressmaker h id
exchanged signs. This made considera
ble sport, for neither ol the two'scorned
to know anything about, the. matter, and
ol' course no one took the trouble to in.
form cither, q jfj
Now it happened on that day that a
couple of strangeptj came. \ntv' owr vii |
Ugc troni tS*e country. 'JL:ln:y had been |
HiKinuu i-'iii a WOUItS, IItill the iooti '
husband, aa soorra.i ho eatuo" to fotvnj
purchased a nice dress lor Iiis hiide.
'I think, Chillies,' she said, 'that I !
will-have it cut by a i 'Ssmnker before
going home, for 1 might not get the i
Chance again for a mouth;'
'Very well- my love,-' returned the
husband. 'There is one just ahead of usj
yo? can slop rtt\hero.'
'And thcri^jsij' doctor's sign on the
dtlier side. Charles. While I am gci
Viag my dress cut you em drop in ;il the
doctor's, and get tllat'medicine for Mr.
Orolf..'
'?80 1 Can, /Iubn> lor I am glad that
you reminded' me of it, or 1 should have
forgotten iu'
And the two parted, one going into
tfi? doctor's office with her diess, and
tiio other into the dres maker's shop to
procure sotno medicine.
'Hem!' coughed-the latter, bowing
before Mrs. Wiggins; 'is your husband
ut home, madam %'
'And pray who told you I had a bus
band, sir!' was,.tusked in return.
'Hem! a mistake?your brother, 1
lutau,' apologized the )oung man.
'My brother? 1 have no brother.'
'Well, it is the doctor! ?fish to sec,
ciaduui.'
?Tho doctor, sir ! Do you mean to iu
sult me V
?Why, no. I saw the sign, and'
?You must he drunk !' she exclaimed;
indignantly ; 'mine is a dressmaker's
j B'g?-'
'I bog your pardon, madam, but let me
request you to read for yourself, and you
will find that'
As if I don't know what is on my own
sign ?' she interrupted, rising hastily aud
going to tho door.
'Tlio wrotch !' she cried, as her eyes
rested on the doctor's name. 'To think
that be dared do such a thing ! I'll tear
? \* eyes out 1'
V bile this interesting scene was being
enacted at the dressmaker's, another no
'ess so was transpiring at tbc doctor's.
When Julia left her husband, she
tripped up s'airs and knocked lightly at
the door bf title doctor's office.
Tho worthy M. D. answered the sum
mons in person.
Supposing him to be the husband of
the dressmaker, she inado known her
business at once, by saying, 'I came, sir,
to have a dress ctit.'
'A dress eut? he repeated in astoriish
'I dou't eut dresses.'
'Ah sir, 1 beg pardon, I thought that
Mrs. Wiggins resided here.'
'Mrs. Wiggins! No, indeed, ma'txtn?
that amiable person holds forth On the
other side of the street. Though if you
don't want yoOr dress spoiled you better
keep away from her.'
'Doesn't she have any sign'/ asfced the
little lady wonderingly.
'Why yes, don't you see it V
'Jhe doctor popped out his head, but
iustcad of reading Mrs'. Wiggins'; he read
A. M. lb.se, M. \\
?Thunder and lightning?' ho exclaim
ed, '"she has been Stealing my sign !'
'And you have been stealing hers,
ju*dging" from the name at the door,' fvr
turney Julia.
Dovfn went the doctor in' a o'eat of
passion, and trivTng one glace at the
dressmaker's! sign, he tore it from its
fastenings, and bearing it in bis hands !
made his way across the street, at the
; very moment that Mrs. Wiggins made
(!?.' discovery of his sign hanging at her
door.
'How dare you, madam'?he cried,
?how dare you ploy such u trick on
mo?" throwing the bit of painted tin
at her f.et.
'How d ue you play such a trick on
tne' she exclaimed in turn, grasp*ng the
sign which hung nt h r door, and cast
ing it at him with all her might.
1. m 'I, madam; wouldn't pick up your
. sign in the street, so don't imagine that
1 would put it at my door.'
'And I would us quick touch a snake
as anything bearing your name !'
'A wo.ik sublerfugo madam.'
'A weak subterfuge, sir
"If you put y our sign tit my door
'again, I shall thVow it into tho street,
Iliad tin.'
II you put your sign al my door
again. I will put it into tho lire sir.'
Ami you need* not mind gaping at
me all the time from your window.
Your face is not so attractive, us to
charm me, though goodness klibWs I
can never look out b'.d 1 tfpo it the first
i hing.'
'Which proves, sir, that you are look
I ing for it Indeed you ore always
|?sprowltn<i nut before that window, and
\f I ij.y< i.. keep my oyos away you will
hark, to take notice" of you '
T am not a d >g, liuidaui, though you
must b.' a cat, judging from the ,vay
you purr about your customers. 1 de
test cats.'
Not mote tb.in I detest you, sir.'
?I want none of your slang-.'
'And 1 want noiio ol yours.'
*(Jo into the bouse and mind your
I ii i -111?? - s. don't Voll SCO what a great
crowd your long tongue is drawing
here if'
'It is your own tongue that is calling
them this way.'
'I should think tint it was both of
your tbugues, said the fanner.'
'indeed!' cxcluiucd' Mrs. Wiggins,
fiuuiicllilig into the house.
?Indeed!' echoed the doctor, turning
away in disdain.
T think dear,' said the farmer to his
wile, - that we will go elsewhere for what
we wish.'
'Yes, Charles, 1 will not patronize
either of them.'
And the young wife took her hus
band's arm and the two walked away
from the crowd oi tittering villagers.
This incident wus the town talk for a
whole week, and, in (ho meantime, the
people made up their minds that Mrs.
Wiggins and Dr. Boso must be in some
wuy related, but how they could not
decide
All were anxious to learri something
of the two, consequently tho doctor
found more patients and the dressmaker
more work in her line, than either would
have done otherwise.
But tho mischievous one who had
ohanged the signs bad succeeded so well
in making sport, that he resolved to try
again. Accordingly, one morning, the
drrcssmnkcr received the following
note :
?Will tlio lair Mrs. Wiggins pardon
the writer ol" this epistle lor daring to
address her T He has seen and admired
her, and wishing to make her acquain
tance, take.1? this way to introduce him
self.
'If the fair Mrs. Wiggins is inclined
to look favorably on his suit, she will
please address a reply to Hers truly.
?A. P. Blairk.
And the Same morning that the dress
maker received the above, the doctor
came in possession of a neat, perfumed
note, which iufortried him'that a lady of
that village had become charmed with his
personal'appearance ?and wished to open
a correspondence with him. The note
was signed 'Ague.'' A very.'
Ofcou'rso both these epistles were
answered, and both answers fell into the
hands of the funny man who happened
to !)?> tho clerk of the post office.
A correspondence between him and
the two followed, which, of course was
very amusing) but he was obliged to
end it at last, for both the doctot and
dressmaker were anxious for an inter
view; she, with the Adolphus who had
become enamored by her charms, and
he with the fair I nly who ielt'such an
interest in him.
Tin- i.i>rrrt.'P?n.l,'ii-i, hnd I.t en enrried
on aboil! three weeks, wlteil one day
the dressmaker received a letter full ol
love 1 sucli nothings, but. *vl,-ich en
ded thus :
'\ wish very much to see you, dear
Mrs Wiggins, but the doct r CVCftho
way keeps such a .-harp watch that 1
have been fearful lest he has a prior
claim. Indeed, he has Leen known to
dee', ire that be would murder the man
who would dare marry you. So you
s?cc, my love, WO must be very careful.
1 will await you t"-i Jit at precisely 8
o'clock, on the road near the one mile
bridge. Com ' disguised, fnj fear tho
doctor might b- Ii Mow ing. We ir i blue
vail and 1 shall know you. Good-hy
until then, dearest 1 idy.
'Fa on your admirer,
'A P. 13 LA IRE.'
While Mrs Wiggins was gazing smil
ingly upon the bit of note paper which
she held beforo her, the doctor, .at iu
his office, reading the following:
'As you seem to be so anxious for an
interview, I have resolved to grunt you
tine to-night M'C'et me' at eight o'clock I
on the r?h'd near tht! one-mile bridge; 1
shall conic disguised, and wish you to
do the same, lor fear that we may be
watched, 1 w ill w'ear a him; vail, and
y >u n ay put a rose in your cap. Thus
each may recognize the ethVr without j
l r ??ble.
'Till tonight, good-by. A.A.'
The doctor rubbed hi:: hands as he \
finished read in .
1 alii glllU . lie: iTAimtiuiwu, f , _
everything happened just as it did) glad
ibat We had the quarrel; ye*, glad about
every i hing.
That (veiling the doctor left his office
precisely at half-past seven o'clock, and
took bis way toward the one-mile bridge.
?J will be there early,' he mused as
he walked along. 'It is very uncomfort
able f r a lady to have I" wait out on a
lonely road at night, anil then she might
be noticed.'
I"iftco i minutes nfter the doctor bad
left Iiis offica the dressmaker, attired in
a suit id'deep mourning glided out of
her shop and took her way up I he road
iu the same direction that the doctor
hau taken.
?1 have I he blue veil sale in i> y pock
et,, she said to herself, "but 1 will not
put it on until I get beyond the village,
lor fear 1 may Rttmct attention, 1 do
wonder w hat sort of a chap that Hlairn
is?? A good lookiug one 1 dare say.
and it he is wi ll to do in the. world, 1
shall cease to regret that quarrel with?
pshaw, I never did regret it.'
On she walked in the soft summer
twilight, thinking of the past, the pres
ent, and the Inline.
It was nearly u mile to the bridge,
and t'ue shadows had deepened, ami tbc
stars hud come oui iu thi sky nbovc, ore
She reached the trystiife At Inst n
bend in thcYnnd brought her ifi sight of
the bridge ami also of tho doctor, who
was walking a long moidtentarily expect
ing to greet the lady who had become
so interested in him.
As soon as Mrs. Wiggins distinguish
ed the form of a man in tie: road before
her, she thought of her 1??i", and, takiug
it from her pocket, she jthren it over
her bonnet.
As the doctor observed tho token of
recognition, he rush d forward with ex
tended hands exclaimed :
'My dear Agnes, thi(?'< meeting gives
me the greatest of pleasure!'
'Agnes !' echoed Mra^Wiggius men
tally. 'Surely the niamjfcust be going
crazy. My name ii notN Agnes and 1
never signed myself so fn the world.
However. I will not pr?fend to notice
the mistake, for mistakat^it must he.'
Then aloud, 'I am sure u|r. Blairc that
the meeting is as grc!'t;: a pleasure to
myself as to you, and?'
'Mr. whom did you sa^?' interrupted
the doctor.
'Why, Mr. P.lairc of course,* returned
bis companion.
'J fear you are making game of me
Miss A very.' ' '?ff
'Ky tie me is not Miss-Avcry.'
'And mine is n >t Mr. iJlaire.'
? 15itt you w ar the blue veil, madam.'
'And you to!ei tnc to wa^ir it, sir.'
?1 told you to wear it?; AVhy you iu
form 1 me that v. u would wear it your
self, and dersircd m : to vear a rose, as
I have lb tie.'
? Von ar ' mistaken, sir.**.- . ,
'I te'.l von i'i .t you a.*/the one who
is mistaken.' '.x;,
?A : ? ?
?No h tt y< u must bo 4fi&. A very.'
? 1 I ? ? \ I . :. , v'--o
?,\n : ?o^ r ^
How could 1 be mistaken when hearing
the squeaking voieo <>!' Hess Wiggins.'
And how could I be mist;.' eu when
hearing the hear growl of that detest
able !> ict : Itoso ?'
*.l/.nl on. this i* a piece of impudeu ?? j
wh::ii 1 will never forgive. How dare
you ? riie to me'{'
'II w d.ncl you write to mo 7 1|
never would have nnswered the letter il !
I had'Mij [losed Mr. Blairc and y iu were '
the ?an.e '.
'How d?red you address yourself to
me under ti false name ?'
?1 did not address you under a false
mune. but you addressed yourself to mo
under a false name.'
I
Here a gigglo, which canto from a I
clump ol hushes near at hand, startled
the two. j
?lie ! we arc W'tched,' exclaimed (hi
doc-or.
'Say. rath or, that we are the victims
ol a stupid joke,' siid J/rs. Wiggins.
?\\ \\\ somu one must have hoen writ- [
ing to bot1 V i.V.'
?'/, uiiii believe that, you are right.
They are even no?v enjoying our dis
comfiture.'
'And 1 shall not da/e to show my face
ill tin* \ ill i_re again.'
S \\<\ Mr-. Wiggins began to cry.
Her te.us seemed to n fleet the doc
tor, who said afli r :i pause :
'Hess, I have often thought that we
were \ti\ foolish to quarrel <?n our wed- j
ding ni. ht.'
you who run away.'
'I know it. Infi I loved you, el-o I
should not have followed you.'
?True, .so you innst. Strange tl.
thought in v? r occurred to me 1>. lore;
Why didn't you tell inc."
?Me tell you ! Why ',l would havi
been V( ry unhid) like.'
'So it would. ()f \ hat was 1 think- :
ing. 1 say Hess, I utti glad s ?ni'( hue !
took tho business in hand fur us. Aren't '
you V
* A*nd now let ns cotnmenco where tve j
left off on the night we quarreled?or
in other words let u- go buck to the
village and unite our dctiiiie.H as we
once intend ?i to dti'
?Hut you will not gef angry and run ?
off again if 1 chance to wear a rose giv
cn to me by another gentleman. Will
you V
?No licss, neither will you wear a rose
given to you by another gentleman.
Take oil'your blue veil and accept my !
arm. and we will walk to the village.'
The dressmaker did as she w as ro
qUCStcd and the two walked together.
The next morning then; was a mar
riage iu our village, ami before night
the dressmaker's sign was down, or
rather replaced by another, whoso neat,
gilded letters were so arranged that the
passerby read.
Mits. A. M. Hose,
Dressmaker.
T!ic Lent Half Dollar.
When Charles Gleason was about ten
years old, :i bright ball-dollar was giron
him by his grandfather, to buy anytning
he pleased for :i New Ycar'3 present.
Tho boy's mother that morning had
taught bin the verse : "lie that bath
pity on tho poor lendeth to tho Lord,
and that which he bath will lie repay
him again.', The words were running
iu the boy's mind, on his way to the
store to purchase n toy that ho 1 ad seen
in the window of the shop the previous
day.
Just before Charlie reached the store,
he met. a poor woman, who had some
times done washing for his mother, and
she seemed to be in great distress.
'What is the mutter, Hannah/' said
this kiml heat ted child.
'Oh, Master Charlie, I've,got to be
turned into the street this cold morning,
and my little Dill is so sick, too !'
'Turned into the n<rcet?y ou and Dill
?what for V
'Because I can't rniso my wbckly rent.
I have just bet n to see my landlord, and
be says its thrte days overdue, ami he'll
not wait another day. Thero go ' the
tuen to put out my bod and stove, uad a
few other thin,--: on the Sidewalk. Oh,
what shrill I do?'
i ilToW much is your :nit, Hannah ?'
asked fto* hoy w-ith :i o.iokinjgv/tee.
''It's half a dollar,' siid'the %inan.
?It will kill Bill to put htm out it:' this
cold, and sure I will die with hiiu.'
?no, ygu shantT said
half dollar and placed it quickly in her
hands. Seeing she hosittt'tcd to keep it,
notwithstanding her great need. Charlie
told her it was all bis own. to spend as
ho pleased, and that he would rather
Live it t-i h T than h.ive the* nicest toy in
the store. i hen walking away swiftly
from the sin p windows, which were all
full of :?? npting New Year's presents, he
went bravely b into to bis mother, sure
id' her approbation. The first person ho
tuet wa hia grand lath r He had ob
served ( i, rlio down the street, and
waited for his return, that he might see
what he hud bought. So his first suluta
ti ?n was :
'Well, Charlie, what havo you done
with y our money V
Now Charlie's grandfather was not a
religious man ; and the >y knew that
though ho - onetimes gave money to hi*
rclation?, ho seifd im ot never bestowed it
upon the i or so 1 ? would rather not
tell him what ho lia I dond with his
money : but while ho In sitate 1. the verse
he had that tm ruing learned, came into
hi< mind and helpt I Itiin to answer.
Looking pleasantly irrt - his grandfather's
face he tat I :
'I've lent it. sir.'
'Lent your half-dull ir, foolish boy I
You will never .? ' ii again, 1 know.'
?Oh, yes. I si ill raudpa, for I've got
a promise to pay.'
?You ineaii a u te, I suppose, but it
isn't worth a c -or.'
.< .? ? ....i i
, am Mire al >ut "it. for it', in the Di
'You i sve put it there for
safe keeping, rth . I. : nie see it.'
Charlie brought him lhe book anil
>!. >wed him the v. i ? : - iL-that hath pity
on the tL< p ior. ! 'ii leth to the Lord,
and he that hath g ven will Ho pay him
?So y >u gave your inori -y to.some poor
scamp '.' Well, you'll never see it again.
Who !. ?:- ! it. pr.lV '("
? 1 gave ii t > I i ton ih (I re n. sir.'
Charlie told bi n the sad story.
'O fudge! .i tl his grand fat hef, 'you
can't pay poor lo!k>' renL It's all non
sense. An . you've lost your New
Year's pn sent , i if 1 don't make it up
to you. Hero.' bo added, as be throw
him another h.ili'-dollar, 'scoiug your
money is gouo where you will never see
it again, I um i give some more, I stip
?1)1:. thank you!' said Charlie, hearti
ly. -| knew die Lord would pay nie
again, grandpa, because the Bible says
so, but I didn't expect to get it so
quick.'
'?That boy's too much for mo,' said
the old gi ntlemau as he walked quickly
away.
Billing's Almitiax for 1872.
Tho Bpelliiig of tho Altuinax is bad.
In our interview at Saratoga Josh at
tributes his passion for bad spelling to
spells during infancy and poor memory
in old ago. (J. B. is one hundred and
fifty years old.) His spells grow worse.
Yesterday we Went up to Tommy
Nast's studio, on One Hundred and
Twenty-fifth Btreet, aud all th'rec of us
picked out the following as Mr. B.'s
most brilliant scintillations of genius.
They are solid chuuks of wisdom :
CHUNKS OF WISDOM.
Prudes nro coquets gone tow seed.
Revenge sumtimes sleeps, but yauitj
alwus keeps one / open.
It iz just nz natural two be born poor
az to be born naked, and it iz no more
disgrace.
The only human being on the face ov
this earth that 1 real envy iz a lafHng
Christian.
A man whom yu kan hire tew work
on a farm for nothing, and board himself,
will just earn about his wages. .
Tharo iz two kind ov men that i dont
kare to meet when i am in grate hutry,
men that i owe, an 1 men that want to
owe me.
1 kant see what woman wants enny
more 'nights' for, for she beat the fust
man bore, into the world out ov a ded
sure thing, and she kan beat the last one
wi*h the same kards.
1 atrwus did admire the m'alico ov the
tnula.
i
If a ?fr in If of fortune had made tne
a7. misfortuuatc omung men as the mule
I iz aiming animals . would begin tew lot
j drive at things fa mile an a haff off.
To learn a cat to bite?feed her on
j catnip tea.
To make a gooso good eating?bring
^^^A^Byi^
Q Whi iz the meazlcs like fresh
mack re) ?
A They run in schools aud hav tew
be caught before they can be had.
(.> W ho was he^fust brewer?
A Satan ; he brewed mischief.
Which are two ov the lost arts ?
A Modesty and good home made
bread.
Q Who waz the weakest man?
A Fred Dennett couldn't lift his note
for fifteen dollars.
What is the fastest trotting time on
reck ord? j
A 1 don't know az I kare.
Q What is the surest gait on the
road ? " j
A A t .11 gate.
Q Who had tho best artikle of pash
utice ?
A Job. 11 is pashuhCC Was biled dowu
to a spot.
Q Who iz the champion of \\tc
weights ?
A The Nu .1 Tsoy muskctor.
As EMUAKnASsiNd Position.?'I
say, conductor, do you know that good
looking lady tlure, with a book?'
'Yes, 1 have seen her a few times'."
?l!v Jove, she's splendid !'
'Yes, 1 think sho is. Would you
like to occupy the scat with her !'
1 don't know but, it would bo out of
order.'
?It would no' if she was willing to
nave you occupy it. Of course yotf
claim to bo a gentleman.'
?O. certainly. If you are acquainted
with her give me an introduction; that
is, if you have no objection.'
'Certainly not.'
fixing hia '.air. mustache and whis
ker- in becoming style, be followed the
conductor, who. on reaching the seat
whore the Is 1} tat. said, with a peculiar
twinkle in his eye :
'My wife, .1/r.-, of New Vor*.*,
assures mo tl'at ho will die before
reaching Detroit, if he docs not form
your acquaintance.'
The gentleman stammered, stuttered,
grew red i:i the face, faltered out some
excuse, and returned to his seat, leaving
the lady in Company with her husband,
to enjoy the joke.
How man)' men always become, four
handed?? Dy doubling their fists.
A lobstor never comes ashore without
great risk of getting into hot water.
"\\ hen is a clock on the stairs danger
ous? When it runs down.
Aman courting a young woman was
interrogated as his occupation. 'I am a
pant r-h anger on a large scale,' he replied.
He married the girl, and turned out to
he a bill sticker.
How the Dutchman Killed tho '
Woodchaek.
. \;1f ej
j f
Tell, den. I tells jou mit de time I -. r
goed a liuntiii mit mine brodder Shake;
ren we rash boys not so biggorish wq
ish now. Shako be vash smaller ash I
bin, unt I vash bigger ash Shake. We
rash dwin boys, but dcrc vash about two
or dree yer.rs bigger aflh* vun anudder
ush. Veil den, von day I dakes brodder
Shake tint two udder togs, unt I delft*
dem we go a huntio mit de wood
chuck UQt some oder dings? Ve go to
ole barn past, unt te pack side of te
field bchint us, unt pooty soon we kit
do voots iu te mittle of us; ten I vistlcs
to Shake uut te udder two togs, unt by
and by somedings schart to togs, unt
they roou shust so pig fa'sht ash dey
neffer vas roon before. Shake he roou
pooty fasht, unt I roon, for I dinks
someding vash schart mit to toga. Pooty
soon tho togs vash stop' mit roonln, vidi'
vash makin dere bets in de log mit el
pig hole in it, ven I comas up. Shake,
he says, 'Probdcr Hans, ter ish a wood
shuck in to log mit te hole.' Den *
tells Shake, 'You shust vatch mit von
bole, uut te togs te udder hole, den I
will make vun udder hole, mit mine ax','
in te mutle of te log, uut teu, ven 1 see
him I will schlock him un te koop, unt ?
schmito his hed off rait de ax.' 80
Shake, he iays, 'I vill stop de hole mis
mine foot, so ho vill not mooch kit out
mit dis hole.' Den I day dakes mibe*1
ax, unt a hole make in te log. Pooty
soon I kits a hole, unt I dinks I see to
woodchuchs, unt I dells brodder Shak*6'
to still bo, unt I shopped a little more,
unt den11 seas do dings hot, bo I makes
to ax come down mit all my m'ght?-1
dinks I vill m&dc his het off?unt ?ine
Gott! vat you dink ! Pro'ddeV ShaBs>
he w air es vun pig or
unt English, all tc
'Brodder Hans, dash is not te Wood
shuck ; you ish von tarn fool, you hath'
schmite mine foot off. Oh! mine Gott;
I ish kill!' Veil, T vash schart mooch!
I dinks I had kilt br?d<?lcr Shake, unt'
I gried a leetlc, unt I schrcweared a
lcetlc, uut ten I looked in tc hole, unt
tere vash a plesh of brodder Shake's
boot, unt two or dree toes, all bloody
laying iu tc log, but derc tash no wood
shuck or any udder dings in -fe IbfT.
Shake, ho groaned so big lout, dal ^
duke his foot unt dies mine shirt up mit
is. Shake, he make him up on my
back, unt I garried him to to ho Use'.'
Py uut by his foot git well, but no more
toes crowned out it, uut be say, 'Prodder
Hans, I vill no more go woodshuck mit
youunt he neuer did.
A Troubled Amendment.?A lady
was'reading to her servauts au account'
of the Chicago fire. The accident of
the burning of the emancipation procla
mation, which cost the city 823,000 for
its Historical Society, arrested the atten
tion of one old colored woman, a slave a!f
her life, who viewed the proclamation
much as the Israelites did the ark'of the
covenant.
'What dat,' she said, burnt up?'
'Yes, aunty, burned up.'
'Den what gwine to come of uV
again !'
'I do n't Know; may be you 11 bo slaves'
'Ben dis chile gwine to die right now.'
And throwing up her hands in dis-'
may, she left tho presence of her mis
I tress, visiting dire imprecation's on tho*
head of the man 'wot sot dat fire.
Freddy, a fair haired youugster of
four sum net s, the other day, aller being*
! lost in thought, broko out thus, address'-'
iug bis father:
'Pa, can (Tod do anything?'
'Yes, d'jar.'
'Can hi make a two your old colt ihh
two minutes ?'
?Why,' said the astonish?d parent *
'ho would not wish to do that, Fred-'
dy.'
'But if he did want to, could he?' in'.'
sisted little Freddy.
'Yes, certainly, if he wished to do'
so.'
'Well, then, he wouldn't be two years'
old, would he ?'
Simple Addition.?Addiug to ?-.j'a'i
family.
A Crying Sin.?Taking babies to'the*
play.
When a man's faco turns as yellow as*
a guinea he is said to have a rioh com.
plcX'.on.