The Orangeburg news. (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, November 25, 1871, Image 1
TWO DOLL AHR l'Ell ANNUM, y
GOD A.ISI D OTJ R fcOUNTRY.
-{ ALWAYS IN ADVANCE
VOLUME 6.
SATURDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER 25, 1871.
NUMBER 41
?THE ORANGEBCTRG NEWS
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THE DOCTOR AND THE DRESS
MAKER.
by belt>.-y FitENcti.
The Doctor came first to ourvilfagft
tic wa? a dull, dark sour looking indi
vidual, n rUtle on tiro shady side of forty,
lie CMllt J limiseif a widower, und Vfas
rather handsome ton, fc'v? fur a;H that the
girls failed to set their caps for him, as
is generally Lite c-vea where, single gen
tk'inen take tip thr-3r abode in nur place.
1 don't ihiii?; that he got many pa
ticnts at Crst, for ail he had a sign with
A. JJ. Hose., M. !>., lit jMldcd letters
above the dour of his oflice.
lie hud nut been in our Tilltg'C mole
than a month when Mrs. Wiggins, the
drcssaiiiker, arrived, and fi:t.*d up a shop
ju?t opposite the doctor's office.
The dicssihn'ljinT Avhs also tall and dark,
but unlike the Doctor, she had a peaked
n< sc and sharp black cj*cs.
They were a strange pair, for though
they never spuke to each other and
neither owned to having made the uthci'ti
acquaintance, they took care to thr.nv
themselves in each other's way, and b
their actions to show their contempt for
each other".
If the doctor chanced to be passing the
dressmaker's shop plain would go tho door
iu bis lace, ami if the dressni ik;:r
saw tho ?Worthy Mv !>.,? she would turn
as though disgusted beyond measure.
People 80011 saw the too Were trying to
annoy each utber, aud ?o:iie of the mis
chievously Mrchwed resolved to help
them.
One molding we wer. till astonished at
seeing rb?j doctor and dressmaker had
exchanged signs*.' This made considera
ble sport, fot" neither ol the two*scorned
to kuow anything about the matter, ami
of course no one took the trouble to in
form either. i
Now it happened on that day tlut a
couple of etrangei-.s cauio into- owr vii
l??rrt iron, rh'o ('Otttitrv -HdVhv bbd boon
married but a few weeks, and the fund
husband, as BOOH as Iu? CUIIitf to town,
purchased a nice dress lor bis bride.
'I think, Charles,' she said, 'that 1
will have it cut by a dressmaker before
going home, for 1 might not get the
Chance again for a month.'
'Very weif, my love,' returned the
husband. 'There if" one just ahead of us;
yod can stop "in" life re.'
'Ami tlu.!i?jfj(' )i!doVt>>i 's sign on the
dllict' side. Charles. Whilu lam get
viag my dress cut you e in drop in it the
doctor's, and get tlful medicine for Mr.
tiroff.'
'So I Can, (.Iuija, for I am -lad that
5ou rotnintle.l me of it, or 1 should have
forgotten it.'
And the two parted, out) going into
tdiu doctor's ulflce with h.er dless, and
tile other into the dies-maker's shop to
procure froinc medicine..
'Hem!' coughed the. latter, bowing
before .Mrs. Wiggins; 'is jour husband
at home, madam /.'
'Aud pray who told you I had a hus
band, sir!' was asked in return.
' Hem! a mistake.?your brother. I
ini an.' apologized tho young man.
'My brother'' 1 have no brother.'
'Well, it is the doctor I ifish to see,
Eiadaut.'
'The doctor, sir ! Do you mean to iu
sult nie V
'"Why, uo. I saw the- s:gn, and'
'You must be drunk !' ?tio exchumcdj
indignantly; -mine is u dressmaker's
Bign.'
'I heir your pardon, madam, but let me
request you to rend for yourself, and you
will find that'
As if 1 don't kii'ivr what is on my own
sign V she interrupted, rising hastily and
going to tho door.
'The wretch !' she cried, as her eyes
rested on the doctor's name. 'To think
ttint ho dared do such a thing ! I'll tear
? is eyes out !'
V liilc this interesting scene was being
enacted at the dressmaker's, another no
less so was transpiring at the doctor's.
When Julia loll her husband, she
tripped up stairs and knot-kef.! lightly at
the door of the doctor's office.
The worthy M. D. answered the sum
mons in person.
Supposing hint to he the husband of
the dressmaker, she made known hor
business at once, by saying, '1 came, sir,
to have a dress cut.'
'A dress cut? he repeated in nsloriish
'I dou't cut dresses.'
?Ah sir, I beg pardon, I thought that
Mrs. Wiggins resided here.'
'Mrs. Wiggins ! No, indeed, ma'am?
that amiable person holds forth cm the
other side of the street. Though if you
don't want yonr dress spoiled you better
keep away from her.'
'Doosu't she have any sign',-' a'filicd the
little lady wondcringly\
'Why yes. don't, you see it ?'
The doctor popped out his head, but
iuste.-fj of reading Mrs*. Wiggins', he read
A. M. Hose, M. ?.
'Thunder and lightning ?' ho exclaim
ed, "she has boon stealing my sign "'
'And you have been stealing hers,
judging from the name at the duor,J rV
t urncy .1 u'ia.
DoVrn went the doctor in* a" o'eat of
passion, nnd giving otic gl.ice at the
dressmaker's sign, he tore it from its
fastenings, nnd bearing it in his hands
made his way across tho street, at the
very moment that Mrs. Wiggins made
t!v discovert of his sign hanging at her
door,
'llow dar?: you, niadaiu*?he cried.
I-how daro you play such a trick on
I mo?" throwing the bit of painted tin
at her 1". et.
?How d ue yon play stu b a trick on
inc' she exclaimed ill turn, grasp'ng the
sign which hung ::t h r door, and cast
ing it at hi in with all her might.
. 1, madam; wouldn't pick up your
sign in the street, so don't imagine that
i w ould put it at my do n'.'
?And 1 would us quick touch a snake
as anything hearing your name !'
'A we:ik subterfuge uiuduin.'
?A weak subtcrlugo, sir
?If ' iu j;iii your sign at my door
again, t shall throw it uro the street,
mad ? in.'
?Ifyou |>iA youY sign at u;y door
again, I will put it into the lire air.'
?And you need1 not mind gaping at
me all the time from your window.
Your lace is not BO attractive, as to
charm me, 111>>m_?!? uuodncss k'noWs 1
can never look 1 n't bAd 1 dec it the first
i hing.'
?Which prove... ?.ir. that you a;e look
; r.?. 1...1 .. i .- . ?... 1
sprowliuu out be for 0 that window, and
if I try to keep my eyes away you will
hark, to taVo nbricaj of you
*I am not 11 d ig, uiad.im, though you
must be a cat, judging from the .vay
you purr about your customers. I de
test eats.
?Not morn than I detest you, sir.'
?1 w ant none of your slang.'
'And 1 want none ol yours.'
?(Jo into (he house and mind your
business, don't yuu see what a great
crowd your long tongue is drawing
here V
It is your own tongue that is calling
them this way.'
?1 should think that it was both of
your tongues, said the farmer.'
?Indeed!' exclait-cd Mrs. Wiggins,
Huuiichiug into the liuuso.
?Indeed!' echoed tho doctor, turning
away in disdain.
?I think dear,' said the iurmcr to his
wite, 'that we will goolscwhore for what
WO wish.'
'Yes, Charles, I will not patronize
either of t hem.'
And toe young wile took her hus
bnlid's arm ami tho two walked ..wav
from the crowd ol tittering villagers.
This incident was the town talk for a
whole week, and, in the meantime, the
people made up their minds that Mrs.
j Wiggins and Dr. Boso must be in some
way related, but how they could not
decide
All were anxious to leirri something
of the two, consequently tho doctor
found more patients and the dressmaker
more work in her line, than either would
have, done otherwise.
But the mischievous one who had
changed the signs had succeeded so well
iu making sport, that he resolved to try
again. Accordingly, one m iming, the
drressuiakcr received tho following
note :
'Will I lie fuir Mrs. Wiggins pardon
the writer of this epistle for daring to
address her ? He has seen and admired
her. and wishing to make her acquain
tance, take.-: this way to introduce him
self.
'II the fair Mrs. Wiggins is inclined
to look favorably on bis suit, she will
please address a reply to Hers truly ,
'A. P. Br.AiKE.'
And the Same morning that the dress
maker received the above, the doctor
came in possession of a neat, perfumed
note, which iu for tried hitn*that a lady of
that village had become charmed with his
person?1 'appearance ?and wished to open
a correspondence with him. The note
was signed 'Agnes A very.'
Of Course both these epistles were
answered, and both answers fell into the
hands of tbc funny man w! happened
to be the clerk of the post oilicc.
A correspondence between him and
the two followed, which, of course was
very amusing' but he was obliged to
end it at last, for both the doctot and
dress maker were anxious for an inter
view; she. with the Adolph us wlu had
become unauiorcd by her charms, and
he with the fair lady who felt'such an
interest in him.
tPHe tSJfiVjWy*Iiidi/ft?J"U Iium been e.uiied
on about three weeks, wUeh one day
the dressmaker received it letter full ol
lotfc und such nuthiugs, but. wli'ieh en
ded thus :
'\ wish very much to see you, dear
! Mrs Wiggins, but the doc. r ?vcr the
way keeps such a sharp watch that 1
have been fearful lest lie has a prior
claim. Indeed, ho has been known to
deel uc that ho would murder the man
who would dare inarry you. So you
see, my love, wc must bo very earelul.
I will await you to-night at precisely 8
u'clo'ck, on the road near the one mile
bridge. Come disguised, fu fear the
doctor might b ? I? Mowing. Wear i blue
vail and 1 shall know you. Good*by
until then, dearest 1 tdy.
'Fa im your admirer,
?A P. Blaire.'
While Mrs Wiggins was gazing smil
ingly upon the bit of note paper which
she held before her, the doctor, sat in
his office, reading the following:
'As you seem to bo so anxious for an
interview, I have resolved to grant von
one tOMligllt M"C'ct 1110 at eight o'clock
on the l?h'd near thn OUC-lllilo bridge; 1
shall come disguised', and wish you to
do the same, lor fear that we may be
watched 1 will v'car a bluer vail, and
y >u may put a rose in your cap. Thus
each limy' rdcoguize fire oth/er without
?trouble.
'Till to nigbt, gnod*by. A. A.'
The doctor rubbed his bands as he
e. ...j ._r,?.,
'1 am glad!' be exclaimed; 'find that
everything happened just as it did; glad
that we had tho quarrel*, yes, glad about
every thing'."
That ( Veiling the doctor left bis oflflCO
precisely at half-past seven o'clock, and
look bis way toward tho one-mile bri Ige.
'1 will be there early,' be mused as
lid walked along. Ti is very uncomfort
able 1 r u lady to have 1.0 wait out Oil a
lonely road at night, and then she ini;_;lii
be not iceu.'
Killer i IliinutCS aber (be doctor hail
left his i lliee the dressmaker, attired in
a suit of deep mourning glided out of
her shop and took her way up the road
iu the same direction that the doctor
hau taken.
'I have the bltlo veil safe in i-y pock
et,, she said to herself, 'but I will not
put it on until I get beyond tho village,
lor fear 1 may (ttlmct attention. 1 do
wonder what sort of a chap (hat Blilirc
is?* A gOoH looking one I dare say.
und it be is well to do in the world, 1
shall cease to regret that quarrel with?
pshaw, I never ditl regret it.'
On t-h<: walked in the soft summer
twilight, thinking ol the past, the pres
ent, und' I he iui inc.
It was nearly u mile to the bridge,
and tiie shadows had deepened, and tbc
stars hail conic otti iu thjsky above, ore
rJhc rtaohcd the trystidpf- At last n
bend in the Voad broughthof in sight of*
the bridge ami also of the doctor, who
was walking n long momentarily expect
ing to greet the lady who had become
so interested in him.
As soon as Mrs. Wiggins distinguish
ed the form of a man in the road before
her, she thought of her V?i", und, taking
it from her pocket, sho jMircw it over
her bonnet.
As the doctor observoo" the token of
recognition, lie ru-h d forward with ex
tended hands exclaimed \
'My dear Agnes, this", meeting gives
me the greatest of pleasure!'
'Agnes!' echoed Mrs,5Wiggius men
tally. 'Surely the man (jhust be going
crazy. My name is not?1 Agnes and I
never signed myself so in the world.
However. I will not pretend to notice
the mistake, for mistake .it must he.'
Then aloud, 'I urn sure ?$r. Blairc that
the meeting is as grcat^.a pleasure to
myself as to you. and?ST
'Mr. whom did you snj?' interrupted
the doctor.
'Why, Mr. P.lairc of Otvftree,-' returned
his companion.
'I fear you are making game of me
M tss A very.
?Ky name i.- not Miss-AVcry.'
'Ami mine is not M r. Jfca iro.
'But you v.i ar the blltfhvci], madam.'
'And you told me to W.*?r'it, sir.'
'1 told you to weir it?,' AVhy you iu
f?ti-ii. 1 me that y> tt would wear it your
self, and .ler.-ired :n j to ?..cor a rose, us
t have d< 'ie.'
' Y"u ;;; ? i:,i-!a';c::. ;'.r.%
'1 to'.! y.-.i that 7<?u ar.? tho one who
is mistaken.' 'majR*
' A ml are urn not Afi\ ?itro V
?No but yen must be J>&
'1 ir';' v- ii 1 am not.'J^UJA .
I ?^W^tWWnW
How could I be mistaken when hoar nig
the squeaking voice of Bess Wiggins.1
And how 6ould I be mistaken when
hearing the heir growl ol that detest
able Doctor Hose V
'"Jmd.nn, this is a piecw of impudence
: ?Iii ii 1 will never forgive. How dare
you . rite to me V
?11 w dared you write to me? I
n fver would have answered the letter it
! I had** uj i. sod Mr. Blairc and you were
the same ?
'II' v.- dared you address yourself t ?
me under ti false name ?'
?I did not address you under a false
name, but yon addressed yourself to tue
under :i 'also name.'
Here a giggle, which came from a
clump "! bushes near at hand, startled
I th< two.
'IIa! wc are vtchod/ exclaimed tin
doctor.
?Say. rath or, that we are the victims
of a stupid joke,' siid .1/ .-. Wiggins.
'Why some one must have boon yviit
;illg to !? ??':: eV i.V;*
?Zounds I believe that you are right.
T.Hey are even now ?njoying our di>
eomlii uro.'
?And I shall not dafd to show my face
' in the \ ill ige again.'
And Mrs. Wiggins begun to cry.
Her tears seemed (<? affect the die
tor, who said after a pause :
?1!..--. 1 h.ve oft on thought 'hat we
were very foolish to quarrel on our wed
ding night.'
'So have l.! she sobbed, 'hut i: tvn
you w oo rim away.'
'I know it. blil I loved yon. else I
should not h ive followed you.'
?'l ine, ? *-.> you inns'. Strange (!:??
thought never occurred to me before.?
Why didn't you tell me."
?Mo fell you ! Why it would have
been v< ry unladylike.'
'So it would. ()f vh.it was 1 think
ing. 1 s ty Bess, I tttrt glad soimi 6na
took the business in hand fur us. Aren't
you :'
?And now lef us commence where tv>
left off on the night we quarreled?or
in other words lot us go back to the
village and unite our delinks as Ml.
one" intend d lo d*>'
I *l>ut you will not get ahgry and run
oil'again it 1 chance to wear a rose giv.
cn to mo by another gentleman. Will
you V
?No lb Bs, neither will you wear :i rose
! given to you by another gentleman.
Take off your bltto veil and accept my
nrin. and wo will walk to the village
Tho dressmaker did as she was ro
(lUCStod and the two walked together.
TllO HCXt morning there was a mar
riage in our village, and before night
tho dressmaker's sign was down, or
rather replaced by another, whose neat,
gilded letters were so arranged that the
passerby read.
Mtts. A.M. Kose,
Dressmaker.
Tho Id-nt Half Hollar.
When Charles Grleason was about ten
years old, a bright half-dollar was given
bitn by his grandfather,'to buy anytning
be pleased for a New Year's present.
Tho boy's mother that morning had
taught him the verse : "Ho that hath
pity on the poor lendeth to the. Lord,
und that which be bath will lie repay
him again.', The words were running
in the boy's mind, on his way to the
store to purchase a toy that ho 1 ad seen
in the window of the shop the previous
day.
Just before Charlie reached the store,
he met n poor woman, who bud some
times done washing for his mother, and
she seemed to be iu great distress.
'W hat is the mutter, Hannah 7' said
this kind hearted child.
'Oh, Master Charlie, I've got to be
turned into the street this cold morning,
and my little Hill is so sick, too !'
'Turned iuto the strei t?you aud Bill
?what for V
'Because T can't raiso my wockly rent.
I have j uvt been to sec my landlord, und
he says i*.s thrte days over due, and he'll
not wait another day. Thero go " the
man to put out my bod and stove, aad a
few other things, on the sidewalk. Oh,
what Shall I do?'
* 'How much is your r.o,nt, Hanuah ?'
neko/dtW^ boy with :?. choking'voice,
t*It's half ft dollar,' siidthe tsjpm.ni.
It will kill .Bill to pat htm out trf this
j cold, and sure I will die with him.'
.^.?Noi you won't?-noj you shant l' said
ball'dollar aud placed it quickly iu her
hands. Seeing she hesittv'ted to keep it,
notwithstanding her great need, Charlie
told her it was all his own. to spend as
be pleased, and t'.. ;! In* would rather
give it to Ii r than have the nicest toy in
the store. Then walking away swiftly
from the sin p windows, which were all
full of tc iipting NTew Vc u-'s presents, he
went bravely b ?u:c t" his mother, sure
of b<-! : pri I ati in. The first person he
met u:> his grand lather, lie hud ob
served Charlie go down tho street, and
waited for his return, that be might see
what he had bought. So his first saluta
I ti in was :
?Will. Charlie, what have you d'jue
with your moiicy '.' '
Now Charlie's grandfather was not a
religious man: and the bay knew that
though he sometimes gave money to his
relations, he sofd mi 01 never bestowed it
up ?n the j or, 5 ? ho would rather not
tell him wh it ho had donu with his
money : Lit while 1..- hesitated, the verse
he had that morning learned, came into
his mind and helped him to answer.
Looking pleasai ly i*rt i hisgrandfalhor's
face be } ai 1 :
j 'I've lout it. Bir.'
'Lent your half-dollar, foolish boy !
! You will never . : ii n jain, I know,'
I '<>!,. ye>. I .-! all grandpa, for I've got
I a promise to }
I 'You moan a n te, I suppose, but it
isn't worth u cunt.' ,i
i 'Oh, ye-, grandpa, it is perfectly good.
I I am ??.:; tit it, foi it's in the l>i
'You meat yo*? v'e put ill here for
I sole keeping, oh ; Let mo see it.'
Charlie bi aighl Itiiu (ho book and
sb v*cdbiuitbc verso : 'He that hath pity
on the the poor, lendeth to the Lord,
und lie thai hath given will lie pay him
?So t ii y id' uion y to some poor
seamp ? W eil, you'll never* ?6o it again.
Who has jj it It. pray V
? 1 gave ii t ? Hannah I '< > o n, sir.'
Charlie told him the sad story.
?I) fudge!' said his grandfather*, 'yon
can't pay poor folks' reut. It's all non
sense. An i now you've lost your New
Y. ir's'p ill 'i if I don't make it up
to you. IL ie' ho added, as be threw
n another lial.'-dollar, 'seeing your
money i- gouc wlieru you will never see
it Hguiii, 1 IliU t Live s one ni ne, 1 gup
?tili, thank you " said Charlie, hearti
ly. -1 knew the L ud would pay me
again, grandpa, because tho Bible says
j so, but I dolu'i expect to get it So
] quick'.1
'?That boy's too much for nie,' said
the obi g< iitlcuian as ho walked quickly
away.
Billing's Alminnx for 1872.
Tho spelling of tho Alminax is bad.
In our interview at Saratoga Josh at
tributes his passion for bad spelling to
spells during infancy aud poor memory
in old ago. (J. B. is one hundred and
fifty yours old.) His spells grow worse.
Yesterday wo went up to Tommy
Nnst's studi , on One Hundred and
Twenty-fifth street, and all three of us
picked out the following as Mr. B.'s
most brilliant scintillatious of genius.
They arc solid chuuks of wisdom:
CHUNKS OF WISDOM.
Prudes nro coquets gone tow seed.
Kovengc sumtinies. sleeps, but vauity
alwus keeps eine I open.
It iz just uz natural two be born poor
az to be born naked, and it iz no more
disgrace.
The only human being on the face ov
this earth that I real envy iz a lulling
Christian.
A man whom yu kan hire tew work ;
on :i farm for nothing, and board himsolf,
will just earn about his wages.
Tharo iz two kind ov men that i dont
kare to meet when i am iu grato hutry,
tuen that i owe. an I men that want to
owe inc.
1 kant sen what woman wants enny
mure 'llights' for, for she beat the f?st
man bore, into the world out ov a ded
sure thing, and she kan beat the lust one
with the same kards.
I alwus did admire tho malice ov the
1111110.
If a tefriaK of fortuno had made me
az misfortunato aiming men as the mule
izamutig animals i would begin tew Jet
d'-ivo at things* niilo an a haff off.
To learn a eat to bite?feed her on
catnip tea.
- To make a gooso good eating?bring
A. By robin eVfcrVy trees.
Q Whi iz the ineazies like fresh
muckrcl?
A They run in schools aud liav tew
be caught before they can be had.
Q Who was thejust brewer ?
A Satan; he brewed mischief.
Which are two ov the lost arts?
A Modesty and good home made
bread.
Q Who waz the weakest man?
A Fred Bennett couldn't lift his note
I'.ir fifteen dollars.
Q What is the fastest trotting time on
reck ord ?
A 1 don't know az I kare.
(t> What is the surest gait on the
mad ?
A K t .11 gate.
Q Who had tho best artikle of pash
unce ?
j A dob His pashu*ncKJ Was biled down
i to :i spot.
Q Who iz the champion of lite
weights ?
A 'fh.' Nu .1 r-ev muskcter.
A.\ IvMUAUItASSlNtl POSITION. ? 'I
say. conductor, do yon know that good
looking lady there, with a book?'
'Yes, 1 hive seen her a few times'."
'By JoVC, she's splendid !'
'Yes, 1 think sho is. Would you
like to occupy the sent with her !'
I don't know hut it would be out of
order.'
?i vVoubl no; ii she was Willing to
have you occupy it. Of course y'o?
claim to b4 a gentleman.'
lO, certainly. If you are acquainted
with her give me an introduction; that
is, if you nave objection.'
'Certainly not.'
Fixing hia '.'.air. mustache and whis
kers in becoming style, he followed the
conductor, who, on reaching the seat
where ti e U 1\ rat, said, with n peculiar
twinkle in his eye :
?My wife, ,l/r.-, of New York,
who assures mo flint be will die before
! reaching Detroit, if he docs not form
! your acquaintance'
'i 1. ? gentleman stammered, stuttered,
j grew red i i the face, faltered out some
j excuse, ami returned to his seat, leaving
ii. - lady in company with her husband,
to enjoy the joke.
How many men always become f'our
handed ? ? By doubling their fists.
A h lister never comes ashore without
[ rent risk of getting into hot water.
When is a ehn k on the stairs danger
ous? When it runs down.
A man com t ing a young woman w as
interrogated as Iiis occupation. '1 am a
paper-hanger on a large scale,' he replied,
lie married the girl, aud turned out to
he a 1 ill-sticker
How the Dutchman Killed tho
Woodchaek.
fell, den. I tells you mit de time I
goed a huntih mit mine brodder Shake;
ven we rash boys not bo higgeriah we
ish now. Shako he vash smaller ash I
bin, unt I vash bigger ash Shake. Vfc
rash dwin boys, but dero vash about two
or dree years bigger. aehi vuu anudder
ush. Veil den, von day I dakos brodder
Shake unt two udder togs, unt I dels'
dem wo go a huntin mit de wood
chuck unt some oder dings. Ye go to
ole barn past, unt te pucksido of tc
field bchiut us, unt pooty soon we kit
de voots iti te mittle of us; ten X *?i5tles
to Shake unt te udder two togs, unt by
aud by somedings sch?rt te togs, unt
they roon shust so pig fasht ash dfey
neffer vas roon before. Shake he roon
pooty fasht, unt I rdoo, for I dinks
someding vash schart mit to togs. Pooty
soon tho togs vash stop mit roonin, tint
vash ma kin dero bets in de log mil tt
pig hole in it, von I comes up. Shake,
he says, 'Probdcr Hans, tcr ish a wood
shuck in to log mit te hole.' Den T
tells Shake, 'You shust vatch mit vou
bole, uut tc togs tc udder hole, den I
will make vun udder bole, mit mine ax,'
in to mittle of tc log, uut teu, ven I see
him, I will schlock him un to koop, unt
schmito bis hed off mit de ax.' So
Shake, he says, *I vill 6top do hole mit
mine foot, so ho vill not inooch kit out
mit dia hole.' Den I day dukes mine
ax, unt a hole make in te log. Pooty
soon I kits a hole, unt I dinks I see tu
woodchuchs, unt I dells brodder Shak*6'
to still be, unt I shopped a little more,
uut der/ I seas do dings hot, so I makes
to ax come down mit all my m'ght?>1
dinks I vill made his bet off?unt itiue
Gott! vat you dink ! Pro'ddeV Shale';
'Brodder Hans, dash is not to Wood1*'
shuck ; you ish von tarn fool, you Lash1
schmito mine foot off. Oh! miuo Gott;
I ish kill!' Veil, I vnsh schart mooeb!
I dinks I had kilt brodder Shake, unt'
I gried a leetlc, unt I schrcweared a
lcetlc, uut ten I looked in tc bole, unt
tcre vash u plesh of brodder .Shake's
boot, unt two or dree toes, all bloody
laying iu tc log, but ??. e tash no wood
shuck ur any udder dings in -te l'bjr.
Shake, he groaned bo big lout, dat!
duke his fii't unt dies mine shirt up mit
is. Shake, he make htm up on my
back, unt I garried him to to hotlsc.'
Py unt by bis foot git well, but no more
toes crowned out it, unt he say, 'Prodder
Hans, I vill no more go woodshuck mit
you;' unt ho ticker did.
A Troubled Amendment.?A lady
was'reading to her servants au account'
of the Chicago fire. The accident of
the burning of the emancipat'on proclu
mation, which cost the city 823,000 for
its Historical Society, arrested the atten
tion of one old colored woman, a sluve a!f
her life, who viewed the proclamation
much as the Israelites did the ark'or the
covenant.
'What dat,' she said, burnt up?'
'Yes, aunty, burned up.'
'Den what gwine to come of uV
again !'
?I don't know: may be you'll be slaves*
as before.'
'Ben ii is chile gwine to die right now.'
And throwing up her hands in dis-"
may, she left the presence of her mis
tress, visiting dire imprecation's on tho'
bead of the man 'wot sot dat lire.
Freddy, a lair haired youugster of
four summers, the other day, alter being*
lost in thought, broke out thus, address
iug bis father:
'P.i, can God do anything ?'
'Yes. dear.'
?Can h ? make a two year old colt iirt*
two minutes ?'
'Why,' said the astonished parent,*
'ho would not wish to do that, Fred-'
dy.'
?But if he did want to; could hey in'-"
sisted little Freddy.
'Yes, certainly, if he wished to do'
so.'
'Weil, then, he wouldu't be two years'
old, would iu ':'
Simple Addition.?Adding to one's'
family.
A Crying Sin.?Taking babies t? the*
play.
When a man's face turns as yellow as"
a guinea be is said to havo a rioh com
ploxion.