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- . " BUDGET OF FUN.'' HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM VAltlOUS SOURCES. A Truly Wonderful Man?A Barber's Frightful Evaniple?Determining to Sell?Wanted Insurance?Too Old. Etc., Etc. Featherly?4,I don't think much of r_: 5 Tinml,, ') JTUUl lllCUU JLWUIII^I/U, i/uuiiM. Dumley?"What's th? Matter with him?"' Fcatherley?"I read him an original poem last night of twenty-four verses, and he walked off without saying a word." Dumley?"lie is certainly a wonderful man." Fcatherley?"How wonderful?" Dumley?"In being able to walk off. If he were not a wonderful man he would have been carried off."?Harper's Bazar. A Barber's Frightful Example. "Will you take a bottle of hair restorer ?" asked a barber of a customer. "Not now, thank you," the latter reu'or mor T oclr rnn whv -"J "*v? J ' "? J? ?J yoa don't use the hair restorer yourself ? Your locks are rather thin." As the barber had scarcely a hair on his head, the phrase " rather thin" sounded like sarcasm. "The boss doesn't allow it," explained the barber. "Why not? I'd think it would be a recommendation." "Xo; he selects only bald-headed men to work for him, and hopes to sell his hair restorer by having them pose as frightful examples."?Texas SifLings. Determined to S?I1. "Stranger, I want to sell yer a horse." "Stranger," was the reply, "I don't want him." "Stranger," rejoined the wayfarer, "yer reely must buy him. Yer never see a better horse for the price." "What is the price, stranger?" asked the contemplative man. "A hundred and fifty dollars and dirt cheap at that." The inquirer meditated for a few moments and then blandly remarked: "Stranger, I'll give yer five." The equestrian dismounted, saying with earnestnes: "Stranger, I won't allow one hundred and forty-five dollars to stand between you and me and a trade. The horse is yours."?Si/tings. Wanted Insurance. "Is this a fire insurance company ? "he inquired as he hesitatingly entered the nffcnn nf nnn nf tVinhoet Lrnntvn ffimnJinipS in the country. " Yes, sir. Anything we can do for you ?" "Yes. I'm a traveling man, and I've "just got a situation. I've been unfortunate in every other jdb T'vehud. Always struck_ dull trade you know and goFtireH. JTow, if you will insure me against fire in this case I'll be perfectly willing to pay whatever is reasonable for a policy." But the company wasn't filling that kind of a long felt want.?Merchant Traveler. Too Ohl. "Say! lemmc use your telephone a minit!" he exclaimed, as he rushed into an office on Griswold street. - ^ertaiiuy. "Hello! hello! Give me 0,203. Is that you, darling?" ("Yes.") "Say, pet, I left my wallet on the dresser with $250 in it. Did you find it?" ("Yes.") "Good! 'Fraid I'd lost it on the street. Big load off my mind. Shall I bring up those shoes?" ("Yes.") "I'm dead broke, you know, but perhaps I can borrow $ "> until after dinner, 60 as not to disappoint you. Good-by, darling." ("Good-by, sweetness.") "Say," he said to the man at the desk, "perhaps you overheard what I said, and will lend me the five." The occupant pointed over his shoulder to the door. "What? Skip?" 44 Yes. ** ' Too'old?" "Yes." ' Been cauglit before?" "Yes." ' Iskip! Good-by!"?Detroit Free Press. The Court Adjourned. A witness was being examined before a Dakota justice of the peace, aud in the course of his testimony mentioned having said to the prisoner at one time that he had a horse he wanted to trade. "Hey?" said the prosecuting attorney, who was conducting the examination; "was it that sor'l one of yours ?" "Yes." "Want to trade yet?" "Don't care if I do?what you got?" "He hasn't anything that you want," put in the attorney for the defense; "if .. t ? VUU ?<uit i v uauu i ^uu j ua a mighty good show with my bay mare." Order in the court room!" roared the justice, waking up at this point. "What was the last testimony you gave?" said I once met the prisoner and said to him: 'Bill, I'd like to trade you that sor'l mare o' mine '" "Hold on a minute," said the justice, "you don't want to trade your sor'l yet, I s'poses?" "I might if I got a good chance." "Say," continued the court, "if you mean business I can give you jest the elickest swap for that buckskin hoss of mine, an' 'bout $10 to boot, that you ever seen! This court is adjourned for /\nf fa tkn Knrn on/1 IaaL' UUC uuui V/Ui v\/ uiv 'yuiuu.i-A my hoss over.?Dakota BdL He Hated a Thief. Late one afternoon while on the edge of the Black Ilills country, near Buffalo Gap, we got into conversation with a settler and mentioned that we were going to camp for the night down the road about a quarter of a mile, among some trees. "Of course you'll do as you please, genl'men," said the native, ''but I'll advise you notter camp there." "Why not?" "D'ye see that cabin down 'bout fifty yards from the timber you're speakin' of?" "Yes." "Well, sir, the biggest thief in the Hills lives there. If you camp there Jie'll be sure to steal som'thin' from you 'fore mornin'." "Is that so?" "You bet! There's my barn back fthere where I store my oats. For the last two year that feller hasn't fed iiis team a single mouthful of his own hoss feed?been stealin' out o' mine all the time." 1 'Should think you would do something about it." "Me? Well, y-a-e-s, you might think I would, but you see the fack is durin' all this time I've been fcediri' my team out o' bi6 oatg?bcen &oin' down flights after h<^s abed an* back in' 'cm up. My team is a little heftier eaters than hi6'n so I don't complain much. But I do hatr a thief?T ics,' disnise 'em. Unhook right here in front o' my house if you j want to?this is good campin' ground." | ?Dakota Bell. Latul Hunting in Arkansas. A man stopped near Patterson's Bayou and thus addressed an old fellow who stood with his arms resting on a fence: "Do you live here?" he asked. j "Don't see me dying here, do you!" "Ah, you are sportive. I have heard of this neighborhood, and have the names of several people. Where is J. ' B. jtlucklc?" "Dead." "Ah?" "Ah. hah." "What was the matter with him?" "Sick." "What sort of sickness?" "Swamp fever." "Let me sec," consulting a scrap of ! paper, "where is Torn W. Buck?" "Dead." I "What did he die of ?" j ''Swamp fever." "Humph. Where can I find Sim Bly?" | "In thecraveyard." "Swamp fever:" I* "Yes." "Do you know anything about Calvin ; Hunter?" "Yes, laid him out. "What was the matter with him?" I "Swamp fever." "My friend, I have come into this neighborhood to buy land." The native, smiling a welcome, replied: "We've got the finest country on | 1 Tl 4. C%nA earth, pocluer, ngat acre, i v? gut <tww acres that I'll let you have." "How does it lie.'" "Fust rate." "How's the water?" "Best in the world." "Land rich?"' "Cream couldn't hold a lightning bug to it." | "IIow is this neighborhood in the way of health':" Sweet as a pre?lincstyou ever saw." J "No chills?" ! "Not one." I "Fever of any kind?" i "Xot a fever." ! "Whatabout those fellows that died?" [ "Hah?oh, them fellers. "Why, you see, they?they?w'y, they oughter died." "That's all right, but I don't believe I want any land 'round here." "You don't! W'y, deuce take your ; ugly hide, w'y didn't you tell me at fust I that you thought o' buyin' land an' I ' J - ,A - ?- +Vi Am fnl_ WOU1UQ X a-SUlU IIUUIIU uuuui mv,m iti- i lcrs dyin'. Blast your hide! You go ! around the country takin' advantage o' fellers this way. You don't know how to treat a gentleman. Move on, now, or I'll hurt you. Come cheatin' me out of a sale. Move on, I tell you."?Ashinsas Traveler. | The Lire of a Grasshopper, its.every one knows, it is a rule of nature even-winged insect shall die within the year-occasional individuals that rurvive the twelve, months only proving the rule), for the stage of | wings is the last third of the creature's | life. After all, it would be very absurd | ' if we did not recognize among ourselves I the stages of childhood, youth, middle age and old age, which together cover the span of our "three score years and | ten." An insect's stages proceed in a ' far smaller compass, and the winged one I is the last. It is really the old age of | the caterpillar or grub. Thus a grasshopper may be for two or three years a grub, for another six months a hobbledehoy?that is, a wingi less thing, half grub, half grasshopper? and then for a further space a winged grasshopper. In the last stage it marries, and there is an end of its purpose. Nature has no further need for it and does not care whether it dies or not. The slender fragility of the insect's apEearance may have suggested a feeble old of life; some grasshoppers look like the mere specters of insects. About others, too, there is a vegetable, perishable look, as of thin grass-blades that a frost would kill or heat shrivel up: a susfVirtif cni'ft or?rl /ulorna . JHUUU V-W. ?? ? to ? that they are already beginning to wither. But the grasshopper has nothing to complain of as to its length of life. It sings the summer in and the autumn out, and goes to sleep with the year.?Gentlerami's Magazine. A South American Sea Duck. ! In a Barclay street store is a splendid 1 specimen of the South American loon, stuffed by the same artist of Rochester who has preserved Jumbo for posterity. It is nothing but an enormous sea duck, with a four-inch bill, sharp as a needle aud keen as a blade. The other day a sailor dronned in and naused admiringly before the bird. 14 Where did he come from, shipmate ?" "Off the coast of Brazil," the proprietor replied. "Well," said the old salt, 441 was askin' because I've bet rations as I'm the only man as ever had one o' them pesky things in my hand alive. They're smarter j 'n a lox, and devilish hard to shoot. We was a sailin' the Gulf o' Mexico in the Victor 'bout ten year ago, when one of them I critters came alongside and cast anchor on the bowsprit. I was younger then as I am now, and says I: ' Bird, ahoy ! Dcin me if I don't run down that thing.' It was nearly dark, and I feels my way cau! tious-like along the bowsprit and grabbed j him sudden by the neck afore lie knowed | what was up. I'm a tellin' you it was a job a gettin1 th;it fellow on deck. He j cut my coat like a razor. We bound him to the deck with a three-cord rope. He took a loaf of bread we tossed him, and halved it with his bill like a knife. Before daylight he'd worked his way j through that rope aud was gone. Blessed if I don't b.'lieve them birds can bite j through a lamp post."?New York Sun. Y? Sfnrif? nf Yp Hnfrfri*. Once in ye very olden tvrae a MerJ chantt sayd too an Eddy tor, "I doau j thynke advertizing payes." "Let me show yov," said ye Eddytor, "I pvtt 1 lyne in my Papyr aud not charge yov a pcncie." "All right," replied the Merchantt, "and we will see." So ye Eddytor pvtte ye lyne in his papyr: \T7"ANTED A DOGGE. John Jones, 2ii<> VY Olde st. Now yt happened that 400 Peple cache brovghte a Dogge on ye next daye thereafter, so that Mister Jones (whych was ye Merchantt's nayrae) was overrunne with Dogge's. "Synce there are so manye Doggcs," savd he, "I thy nke I myght make some ! bysiness and will give you a pennie for I cache Dogge." Ye people tooke ye pennie each for his Dogge becavse there were so manye Doggcs, and blister Jones skynned ye 400 Dogges and made bootes and gloves from ye 400 hydes and thvs inayd A Bye. Fortvse, and thereafter added to yt by advertizing in ye Eddytor'g pap jr.?American Grocer. ; POPULAB SCIENCE. ] Professor Thomson says that when the means of utilizing the power of creating ! quick heating by electricity shall be better understood it will be used in every workshop for welding,forging and other purposes. t* *v, a nvAnnr T*n fnr pnoVi norsnn to " 13 J? ~ ? , I sleep habitually till when awakening the mind is clear, the brain is rested and the body recuperated. Practically this cannot always be done, but it is the condition to be sought after; it is the purpose for which sleep was given. The time may be five, six, eight or twelve hours. No time is ill spent by which needed rest is obtained. A natural curiosity has been discoven d at Solothurn, Switzerland, the centre of a large watch manufacturing district. It is the nest of a wagtail, built wholly of I long spiral steel shavings, with the lenst part of vegetable or animal fibre used in I its construction. The steel shavings are j half a millimeter thick and about twelve centimeters long. The nest has been preserved in the Museum of Natural I History. "** "lT"? T"> /-.? r% r! Arm n ry illilX V UI1 I'dlCUivuiiui }<b uuuiuii uivui | cal authority, considers that cholera is not contagious in the sense of being communicable directly from person to person, but that it belongs to the malarial group of epidemics, the germs of which find their way from the soil into the air, and thence through the lungs into the system. He regards good drainage and pure water as the most efficient safeguards again?t an outbreak. The fifteen great American inventions , of world wide adoption are: 1, the cotton-gin; 2, the planting-machine; 3, j the grass mower and reaper; 4, the rotary < | printing-press; 5, navigation by steam; I (i, the hot-air engine; 7, the sewing : i machine; 8, the india-rubber industry: i 9, the machine manufacture or ftorsc- | shoes: 10, the sand-blast for carv- i ing; 11, the gauge lathe; 12, the grain elevator; 13, artificial ice-making on a large scale; 14, the electric magnet and j its practical application, and 13, the ! telephone. I)r. A. B. Griffiths has demonstrated that iron sulphate, or copperas, acts upon | the cellulose of the microscopic fungi ; which prey upon plants, but does not affect that of the higher pla its themselves. ! Is is therefore a remedy for the most vir- | ulent epidemics which attack field and garden crops which destroy such parasitic germs and fungi as the potato disease, wheat mildew, etc. In one English I ' / 1 I district tins year s cro[i ox wnua uc?uo . has failed on account of a growth of fun- | gus on the roots of the plants, a disease which a timely application of iron sulphate would have cured. It is also said to be an efficient remedy for poison by ivy: Dissolve a tablespoonful of copperas in two-thirds of a teacup of boiling water, and when cold apply with a cloth to the poisoned places. The curious substance known as ozone, the nature of which was so long a mysstery, and about which so many conflict- j ing hypotheses have been devised, is now, says the Lancet, becoming well known to us. Ozone is a denser form of oxygen. I Its specific gravity is 24, that of common oxygen being 1G, and that of hydrogen I 1. It is highly probable that its molecules , contain three similar oxygen atoms. In Al-- ir ia ft nnwnrfiil I Lie t'UJIUCuWittlVU J31UCV. *? y WVT irritant poison, and is very unstable, decomposing with explosion <wid with evolution of heat, and exerting a most powerful action on oxidizable materials. For some time past it has been known that it liquifies under the influence of combined cold and pressure. The liquor is indigo blue, and its vapor, in a tolerably concentrated state, has a color which can only be compared to that of an Italian sky. It is a very dangerous substance to work with. Mark Twain's Courtship. Mark Twain has been the subject of nrnnrl ctnrir>s in his tlav. and the gjw- ? ? ? ?J1 ? , appended one from the Indianapolis Journal, about a trying moment in his courtship, is worth reproducing: As every one knows, Mr. Clemens first met his beautiful wife while on the . famous voyage of the Quaker City, and he pursued his acquaintance after their return so closely that at last the young lady's papa one day called the ardent and devoted Mark into his private study and said, after some preamble: "Mr. Clemens, I have something to say to you which bears upon a subject of grave imfortance, at least to me and mine. You have been coming here for some time, and your manner leaves no doubt ' - XT,.?. in my mina as 10 your oojcci, juu?y, j my daughter's welfare is very, dear to me, and before I can admit you to her society on the footing of a suitor to her hand, I would like to know something more than I do about you and your antecedents, etc. Stop a minute! You must remember that a man may be "a good fellow, and a pleasant companion on a voyage and all that, but when it is a question as grave as this a wise father tries to take every precaution before allowing his daughter's affections to become engaged, and I ask of you, as a gentleman, that you shall give mc the nomnc cnmo nf rnnr friends in Cali U?...w ~ ? j fornia to whom I may write and make ! such inquiries as I deem necessary, that I is, if you still desire our friendship." It was now Mark Twain's turn. "Sir," said he, bowing profoundly, as became a young man who respects his hoped-for father-in-law, "your sentiments arc in every way correct. I approve of them myself, and hasten to add that you have not been mistaken in my sentiments toward your daughter, whom I may tell you candidly seems to mc to be tnc most perfect of her sex, and I honor your solicitation for her welfare. I am not only perfectly willing to give you references, but am only too glad to have an opportunity to do so, which my natural modesty would have prevented mc from offering. Therefore permit me to give you the names of a few of my friends. I will write them down. First is Lieutenant-General John McComb, Alexander Badlam, General J ander and Colonel w IT r TL-Ill nil tin fnr me just as I would for thcin under like circumstances." This conclusion broke the old man all up, and he never asked more reference nor wrote to those gentlemen. Fonl Air and Pulmonary Diseases. The great anatomist, Langcnbcck, says: I am sure now of what I t-uspected long ago, viz.: That pulmonary diseases are nearly exclusively (if we except tuberculous tendencies inherited from parents, I say quite exclusively) produced by the breathing of foul air. The lungs of all persons, miners included, who had worked for some years in close workshops and dusty factories, showed the germs of the fatal disease; while even confirmed inebriates, who had passed their davs in open air, had preserved their respiratory organs intaet, whatever I inroads their excesses had made on the ' rest of their system. If I should go into practice, and undertake the cure ofa consumptive, I should begin by driving him ? out, and prevent him from entering a j house for'a year or two.?Sanitary Era. j I ON THE PAMPAS. I ' FEATURES OF LIFE IN THE ARGENTINE REPUBLIC. No Middle Class?The National Bev erase?Gauchos?Bands of Fleet. Ostriches?Fertile PlainsAnimal Discomforts. mi __ ;n inure IS uu IIIIUUIU iiaoo iu ?.?Argentine republic, writes a correspondent of the San Francisco Chronicle. Society i9 composed of tho?e wealthy enough to refrain from manral labor and working people. Wages as a rule arc low, ancl the cost of living as high as in the United States and not half as good. In the "camps" peons engaged in herding are paid from $9 to $12 per month and supplied with meat and matte. Should they wish to vary this diet it must be done at their own expense. Few care to do so. Matte is a peculiar herb grown J in Paraguay, and is the national beverage of the country. It is dried, powdered and steeped in hot water and used as a tea. It possesses considerable stimulating powers, and enormous quantities arc consumed. All classes use it. A erourd is hollowed and filled with matte, a tube to suck through inserted and the contents absorbed. It is considered a serious | breach of etiquette to refuse the matte j cup when it is passed around. The same tube passes from mouth to month! Skilled labor docs not command high I wages. Locomotive drivers receive from $05 to $75 a month; guards or conductors, $45; good mechanics average $2.50 a day. When the value of Argentine money is reckoned, these are low wages. A constant speculation in gold is carried on, and the value of national money constantly fluctuates. Certain professions are well paid. Dent'sts, photographers, civil engineers and school teachers lind occupation and make money. A laboring man entering the republic finds himself thrown into coinpewtfK lmnrrrvr VinrrlnQ of tJlG l/IUUU ??tll - Old World, and must accustom himself to strict economy and hard living to gel along. The Italians employed on the streets or in the public wo. its are paid $1.25 a day. This is the rate for ordinary labor. Stevedores and men around the docks not steadily employed, $1.50 and board; clerks, from $30 to $70 per month. A knowledge of Spanish is absolutely required of the latter. The country maintains a standing army of 18,000 men and has a good navy, comprising several powerful armored ships. Military distinction is eagerly sought and flm crtnq nf rir-li futilities enter the ser vice. It is not unusual to see boys of 14 and 15 years wearing officers' uniforms. English, Germans and French nre found among the officers. The total population of the couutry is estimated at.10,000,000. House vent is excessively high and city property held at exorbitant figures. The same may he said of outlying lands. Compared with price? a few years ago, their valuation is excessive, and a crash is inevitable. Camp lands for grazing purposes in remote districts se^from $10,000 to $i5,000 per square league. The country is generally level from the coastline back to the Andes. The average rise in altitude is four inches to the mile. This is the region of pampas, vast treeless lrttLC, covered with grasses and comprising rich soiii. T*fnrnlnrn HllGS i t?UUVJl in W JUivigu I touch at Buenos Ayres, and thoue&nds of immigrants arc landed yearly. Fast' and well-equipped river-boats navigate the Uruguay, Parany and Platte rivers. At Sante Fe I met two English gentlemen who wished to make the trip. Securing horses and a guide, a start was made the second morning, and in a few hours we were away from civilization, ana crossing xnc vast piams. I can liken the pampas to nothing except a smooth ocean; their vastness, monotony and utter lonoliness is oppressive, ana the traveler gazes yearningly for some object to rest the eye. Overhead a blue, cloudless sky shone, the air was intensely hot, and the only noise made was that of the horses amid the tall grass. Two or three times during the day isolated mud huts were sighted, and at one of these we procured water and camped for the night. These arc headquarters for the cuttle-herders ? wild-looking TTiIvnrl Klnn/1 onfl trilWllftnt guuuuua vi UIIAWU w?wv4 ? ? visage. These dwellers of the pampas are almost constantly in the saddle. They wear the universil poncho?a square,colored blanket, slit in the middle to admit the head?and armed with lassoes and long knives. An ignorant, wild, savage race, with no great love for foreigners, they still retain considerable respect for the "Gringo" six-shooter and rarely molest travelers unless excited by drink. The second day an early start was made, bands of ostriches were sighted, but at such a distance a shot could not be obtained. The South American bird is not so large as his African cousin, but good sized, and possesses tremendous rri powers oi locomotion. iiicjfuiuvv; ?uu the rapidity of express trains when frightened, their long legs making enormous strides, with a curious side motion. We saw many iguanas?great lizards?some of them four feet in length, and many armadillos, both esteemed delicious eating by the natives. Occasionally during our trip small iso- j lated groves were passed. The tree? are small, and can sometimes be seen twenty miles away inverted in the air, the heat and rarified atmosphere causing mirages. Scorpions and centipedes abound, but arc not particularly troublesome. Poisonous reptiles are few, but mosquitoes and black gnats make up in discomfort what the traveler misses in this respect. The fifth day after leaving Santa Fe we saw from our camp the sun setting I behind the Cordoba Sierras, a broken, isolated mountain chain some hundreds of miles ?n lengh, and with altitudes ranging from 1,000 to 3,000 feet. These mountains, magnified in an exquisitely clear atmosphere, loo-n grandly in the west. Several streams rising in the range flow eastward, and sink during dry weather in tne heated piams. The Whistling Tree. In the great forests of Nubia grows a tree, from which, when swayed by the wind, come strange sounds, like the noise of a flute, a fife or a penny whistle. This vocal tree is regarded with superstitious terror by the natives, mid it has been a puzzle to every one who has heard the mysterious sounds, until some scientific traveler investigated the matter. He found that at certain seasons of the year hordes oi insects deposited their eggs on the young shoots and extremities of the branches. These produced gall-like excrescences about an inch in diameter. When the young insects emerge small holes are lett in the galls. The wind blowing through these little apertures causes the strange noises. It | is probably the only instance cf a tree which bears penny whistles. Rains and floods have interfered with the rice harvest in Louisiana and Georgia, j A Planet Taken with Convulsions. A correspondent of the Pvmeer Press, of India, gives the following account of "facts as witnessed by myself, wife and two Mahommedan servants, all four seeing the phenomenon simultaneously, and not for a miunte or so, but for upward > of an hour:" "At about 8:30 o'clock in the evening, while sitting at dinner, one of my khitmutgars came in from the outside and said: 'Sir, just step out and see what a tamasha is taking place with the star Sook'?the native name for Venus. Out we went, and sure enough, there was Venus, large and bright, but. strange to say, tailing two, tnree ana four feet at a time, then oscillating from right to left; sometimes (lashing to the right and then to the left several feet at a time. These movements continued in rapid succession, and were plainly apparent to all at once; but this was not all. Venus, when we first saw her, was, say, apparently some four hundred yards | above horizon. While watching her, we observed a star (some two yards, to look at) above suddenly fall into Venus and there remain. We were amazed. The natives exclaimed: 'The hist day is at hand.' and so on. We wnt.'-hed Venus rapidly descending until she dipped the horizon. At times she appeared her usual ? 1 A<vAin linrrl 1 TT Size itliu IJUllU 1)1 11I, men agnm uniuij visible. Perhaps the phenomenon described cau be explained by some one versed in astronomy. I again repeat that what has been described was seen by myself, wife and two native servants, and could by no means have been imagination." In It Not Slntalar That consumptives should be leas*- appresensive of their own condition, while all their friends are urging and beseeching them to be more careful about exposure and overdoing. It may well be considered one of the most alarming symptoms of the disease, where the patient is reckless and will not believe that he is in danger. Reader, if you are in this condition, do not neglect the only means of recovery. Avoid exposure and fatigue, be regular in your habits, imd use faithfully of Dr. Pierce's "(Jolden Mcdical Discovery." It has saved thousands who were steadily failing. THE Dlrtns recorueu in i,onaon every ween exceed I lie deaths by more than a thousand, and during the next ten years the increase in the number of inhabitants will probably be nearly three-quarters of a million. T ennt fill Women Are made pallid unattractive by functional irregularities which Dr. Pierce's "Favorite I Prescription" will infallibly cure. Thousands of testimonials. By druggists. Japanese ladies are rapidly adopting the European fashion of dress. Don't hawk, .liawjt, blow, spit, and disgust everybody with'your offensive breath, but use Ul'm ? v^uuirm iwiwruj anu cuu u. The Gentile votes of Utah are about 15 per cent, of the whole number. If afflicted with sore eyes use Dr. Isaac Thomoson'a Eye-water. Druggists sell at25c. per bottle 'Roval Glue' mends anything! Broken Chi. na. Glass, Wood. Free Viala at Drags & Gro The best cough mcdiclne is Piso's Cure for Consumption. Bold everywhere. 25c. Nervous People Who take Hood's Sarsaparllla earnestly dcclare: 'It give* us complete and permanent control of our nerves." By regulating the digestion it also overcome dyspepsia arid disagreeable feelings tn the sfmiacli, cures headache and heartburn. By Its action on the blood Impurities are expelled and the whole body Is benefited. "I never can thank Hood's Sorsaparllla for helping ?- < T ?*aa /tnnflnAd me so much, waenioegoo v?>u|i..nU to the bed nearly all the time Nov* I am up the belt part of the day, have a better appetite than for flva yean, and am not nearly so nervous as I have been." Mrs. Ann A. Hailer, Nlcetowa, Philadelphia. Hood's Sarsaparilla j Sold by all druggists. $1; six for $S. Prepared only | by C. I. HOOD & CO., Apothecaries, Lowell, Haas. - tOO Doses One Dollar COCKLE'S ANTI-BILIOUS PILLS, THE GREAT ENGLISH REMEDY For Liver. Bile. Indigestion, ctc. Free_ from Mer curv; contains onlv Pure Vegetable mgreaienw. Agent: C. N. CRITTENTON, New York. LIVER, BL( Mrs. Mart A. Mc Ill/PR MKACF writes: "Iaddresae UVLn UlwLAut ln regrard my he) lun liver disease, heart t ? Wu ness. I was advia nPART IRnilRIF Golden Medical D nun I inUUDLC. aeration and Pelie of the ' Prescriptioi ery,' and four of the' Pleasant Purgativi gran to improve under the use of your mi came back. My difficulties have all disapj all day, or walk four or Ave miles a day, am I began using the medicine I could scarce most of the time, and I did not think I cc I have a little baby girl eight months old. j-n?i" onrl onnMrnniw. Hhe 1n hoa IUCiiV^iu? J*-* -rr-7"~-? VT , dies all the credit for curing me, as I took i kctrinning their use. I am very gratefu thank God and thank you that I am as if suffering. ^ ^ y Wkbbir, of To i ..... 1% writes: "I wish toe LlVFR of your 'Golden Medical I Purgative Pelleta.' For taking them I was a gr UIOLAOL. Bovcro pain In my right moJ unable to do my own wo I am now well and strong, thanks to yo Chronic Diarrhea Cured.?D. Lj Decatur Street, New Orleans, La., writes: the 'Golden Medical Discovery,' and it t diarrhea. Mv bowels are now regular." " THE Thoroughly cleanse the blood, whic digestion, a fair skin, buoyant spirits, t Golden Medical Discovery cures ail poison. Especially has it proven Its e and Swellings, Enlarged Glands, and Et Rev. F. AsnnitY Hern NMfiFSTiON Church of Silvcrton, 1 inUlbCd IIUII fl)cted wlth catarrh on< flOII ? blotches began to aris wuik?i| skin, and I experienc HI OTfiHP^ dullness. I began tl DLUIunto. Golden Medical Disc him for such complai time I began to roci jiku u uew nmu, unu , The 4 Pleasant Purgati vo Polleta' are the b sick headache, or tightness about the chc mouth, that I have ever used. My wife cr floor when she began to take your 'Golc Now she can walk quito a little ways, anc I n7T n Mrs. Ida M. Strong, of Hip-Joint b?y,md ^en I ' diseaso for two years. V flierier use of your 'Golden J UiOCAOb. 'Pellets, he was confine not be moved without sn now, thanks to your' Discovery,' he is at CONSUMPTION, Golden' Medical Discovery cures ting and nutritive properties. For W< and kindred affections, it is a sovereij and purifies the blood. It rapidly builds up the system, and "wasting diseases." Consumption.?Mrs. Edward New Out., writes: " You wili ever be praised 1 bio cure in my case. I was so reduced I given mo up. and I had also been given up went to the best doctor in these parta. H was only a punishment in my case, and v treat me. Ho said I migh n?,r? ||n "ked. as that was the only UliEN UP bly have any curative powi _ far advanced. I tried the Tfl llIC treatment, but I was so w< 1 u """ on my stomach. My husbn to give me up vet, though everything he saw advertised for iny comr ..... * ? r:?Mr>r> Xf<-ill>nl T)lspo\-orv * 1 and. to'tho surprise of everybody, am*to-di and nra entirely free from that terrible eon nil?ht and day. I have been afflicted with rl of years, ana now feel so much better thti tinuation of your'Golden Mcdical Disco\ to perfect health. I would say to those w that terrible disease consumption, do not thing else first; but take tho'Golden Me early staa-'.-s of the disease, and thereby sn ferine and be restored to health at one still in doubt, need but write me, ino addressed envelope for reply, when the f< be fully substantiated by me." Ulcer Cured.?Tsaac E. Downs. E Jiochiand C<>., X. Y. (P. O. Box 558), writes Golden Medical Dlseorery is ! WORLD'S pjlys 31 catarrh lilfeih ay- fever W/Wm cure ELY'S CRGAH BALM. Apply Balm into each nostril. KIDDER'S A KllKE UI KK run INDIGESTION and DYSPEPSIA. Orcr 5,000 Physicians have sent us their approval of DIGESTYLIN, saylne that It la the best preparation for Indigestion that they have ever used. We have never heard of a case of Dyspepsia where DIGESTYLIN was taken that was not cured. FOR CHOLERA INFANTUM. IT WILL CURE THE iMOST AGGRAVATED CASES. IT WILL STOP VOMITING IN PREGNANCY. IT WILL RELIEVE CONSTIPATION. For Summer Complaint* and Chroule Diarrhoea, which are the direct results of Imperfect digestion, DIGESTYLIN will effect an Immediate cure. Take DYGESTYLIN for all pains and disorders of the stomach ; they all come from Indigestion. Ask vour druggist for DIGESTYLIN (price $1 per large bottle). Ir he does not have It send one dollar to us and we will send a bottle to you. express prepaid. Do not hesitate to send your money. Our bouse U reliable. Established twentv-flve years. W1H. F. KIDDER CO., Manufacturing G'heiuUtw, 83 John St., N.V. J ON E S PA YS theF R EIC H T yy 5 Ton Wagon Scales^ Tare Brum and' Brim Box for Ettrr iti^?l?. For Trrtpr,*elilt T^"7 \^jEW?j^k,' jaer.tloo thin Piper and addre?? r <. W51 V JO"" OF BiNOHAMTIN. ? * BINUHAMTON. N. ?. wJIUUVa'C Jlfulal orPbyilrai Wrilmta* thai Botanic Herrr Rllterifiiltocuri. 50 Cm. Herb Medicine Co. 13 N. lllh HI.. Philadelphia, IV. Sold by all Druggist*. Piso's Remedy for Catarrh 1b the K Beet, Easiest to Use, and Cheapest IH Sold by drnKjn'Bts or s?nt by maiL m 50c. E. T. Hazeltiue, Warren, Pa. PATENTS F. A. LKHM ANN, Solicitor o? Patkxts. W*?hlnston. D C. No charge nnlt?> patent li tccured. Send for Circular DATENTS Procured at LESS P'M I kll I W cost than obtainable elseI where. Best of references and Inventors' Guide mailed free. JAMES II. LAXCASTKIC, Patent Attorney, 187 Hromhvnyi K. V. City. H AI nirnC *11 (*t Pemlom, 1! M (tlatVIII I llr K\bled: Offlcera* travel tiny, 0ULUILI Iw bounty collected; Dcnerters ^relieved; 22 yearV practice. Succtss or no fee. Laws icut fre?. A. "W. KcCormick & Son. IWblnctoitD.Cj HOMCEOPATHIC HOSPITAL College. Cleveland, O. Session of 1SS7-8 beKl'is Sept. 28. For catalogue address William T. Miller, Sf. I)., 6fit Superior Street. DIaiJa Dill A Great English Gout and Dlall S rillSa Rheumatic Remedy. uvm isoXf j*i| rouua? ... ill Ilnbit Cured. Treatment sent on trial. OPIUM HUMANE ItEMEDY CO- Lafuyette. Ind. GOLD Is worth $S00 i>er pound, $1,1)00, but is sold at 25 cento a box b) dealers. I AP to 89 a day..Samples worth#1 JO. FREE Ik B% Llues not under the horse s feet. W nta ! ^ J BrewntiT Safety Rein llolder Co., Holly. Mich. AMHRI Morphine Habit Cnrrd In 10 RIDIHEb (o 20 day*. No pay till cured. UllUtfl Ur J- ku-pheiiH, Lebanon, Ohio. iISEEIi The FISH BRAND SL S2S: THREE I iPmI* I luiau uiuuaiu wi qic )0D AND LUNG Club*. Columbus, S"an?;, _Mrfl. d you in November, 18&4, I h?N?|]|t ilUi, being afflicted with I ??-ni.ii*i. chiUB. rouble, and female weak- I (lcDII ITV ?oro tl ed to use Dr. Piercefl I U?jjlLjlI? My li\ iacoVfery, Favorite Pre- dyapep it*. I used one bottle Medical Discovery' a n five of the 'DIbcov- ailmenta and I cannc ? Pol lata ' Mv health hA- ??o o wnrH In w?forpi sdlcine, and my strength has proven itself a r ? caf> w0 j u ^ It has been used In n t stand it well; and when ly walk across the room, Dy?pep?ia.?Jah uid ever feel well again. Minn., writes: "I wa Although she is aiittle heartily and grow pooi lthy. I give your rcme- sour stomach, and mi no other treatment after to 1 1 for your kindness, and luuiAnniTr* lGo well as I am after years INVIGORATES 1 aE a am, rkehire, Cattaraugus Co., THE SYSTEM flv0 ay a few words in nrnisn viwium. ono )iscovery' and ' Pleasant mm five years previous to done in the same lei eat sufferer; I had a medicine that eeemci side continually; wns whole system equ ,(Dy.pep.?a.-THE " * woo fi<AiihlnH Ann lZarrb, Esq., *75 and f77 sleeplessness, but youj "I used three bottles of Clillls and Fev< ias cured me of chronic writes: "Last Augusi I took your 'Discover; BLOOD IS THE h is the fountain of health, by using Dr. Piei tnd bodily health and vigor will bo established humors, from the common pimple, blotch, or < fflcacy in curing Salt-rheum or Tetter, Fever-, iting Ulcers. r.T. ~Pnstnr nt the. M. K. I and can walk with the V. J., says: I was af- P?un, ana can eat ana 1 indigestion. Boils and about three months s 0 on the surface of the I cannot find words ed a tired feeling and benefit he has receive* 10 use of Dr. Pierce's overy aa directed by I ' SL Ints, and in one week's I i TcDDIDI r I?' 1 am now sound and well. I A I tnnluLL 8 Ann est remedy for bilious or I I i?'?m st, and bad taste in the I AFFL CTION. I of a >uld not walk across the Golc len Medical Discovery.' pear 1 do some light work/' covering the whole of attacked the elbows ? Aiiwcorth, Tnd., writes: After being treated b; troubled with hip-joint commenced the use o' 'i-"" """mnnnoH !,? boiran to mend and Is ledical Discovery' and the medicine has suve< d to his bed, ana could Mr. T. A. Ayres, of fferinj? gTent pnin. But vouches for tho above ile to bo up all the time, WEAK LUNGS, SPI1 Consumption (which is Scrofula of the Lunjr6), b ;ak Lungs, Spitting of Blood, Shortness or Brc ?n remedy. While it promptly cures the sev Increases tho flesh and weight of those reduce - ? I ' hna t^Pine for the'wHnorka- oSTthe thigh.' After tr; Pty friinrtfl^Sd ^1 procured three bottlca W'^fcrtSS'ltbS per-eetiy." Mr. Down e told mo thnt medicine r?i? & sjMft'f thing thnt could possi- Pr ""' er over consumption so Winrrn Tn Cod liver oil as a last fffiOltU IU ;ok I could not keep it PTnu ftJ," nd. not feeling satisfied uKELETOM. then lie hud bought for mo v.onf )l"int, procured a qunn- . . - months* trea [ took onlv four bottles. t?ok ...n iy doing1 my own work, ?',!? ,Bunui wh Vk *t g-h which harraesed mo *"'?f leumatism for a number S .""" n? T, /,! u 15^ it I believe, with aeon- Tn fW i^tin ?h? c?Iu!, cry,' I will be restored tip 0,6 8calcj ho are falling a prey to o,,r nrineinni roiinr, do as T did, take every- t hp " r^nln^l r dical Discovery'in the wus the Golden Medi ve a (rreat deal of suf- _ losing a stamped, self- Bleeding |-$ ' from luhss. ^ 6q., of Svring Valley, ^"hmI she : "The'Golden Jlcdi- discontinued it." Sold by Drnpgisls. Price $1.00 per Bo DISPENSARY MEDICAL ASSOCIATI Ko. 663 9 - v-?gj 1 1 1 EO^SfwggSS 1 Don't allow yourself 10 oreaK. Keep op * Youth, Health, Vigor. At first signs of going * back, be (fin use of wells' Health Rskewd. For weak men, delicate women. Renews energy. Cures Dyspepsia, Mental or PUvaical . "2^2 Weakness, Nervous and General Debility. v> Fever and Ague. Nice to take, true merit, tmequaled forTORPID LIVER and NIQHT 8WEAT8, Leanness, Nervous Prostration, heavy labored or restless sleep, exhausted, tired, languid, faint, "ALL GONE" feelinr, distress in the back or bead. "Wind on bowels or stomach. $1,8 for *5. Druggists or Express. E. 8. Wells. JersevOitv.N. J.. U. 8. A. IT?P~36 M CURES WHERE -ALL ELSE FAILS. ? U Boat Cough Syrup, Tasiaa good. Vm PI E Id time. Sold by draa*l*t*. -B_ PlBO'S CuitE FOR CONbtjmption is free from Opium in any form, and therefore perfectly safe. , If yon have a cough without disease of the lungs, so much the better. A few ., doses are all you need. But if you neglect this easy means of safety, the slight I cough may become a seri- ' ous matter and several bottles will be required. It carmot be aborted that every case of Consumption may be cured by this medicine, but it is true that thousands of Uvea will be saved if they do not dolay too long. By druggists. 25c. FRAZERg#M BEST IN THE WORLD U II L O b ' ;.V DP" Oct tlio Genuine. 5Wd Ercr-where. 42" CKER? ICKEB la wamiitcd'wstoproot tad wltl k?cp 70a d>T rha neir 1'OMMEL 8UCK?H la ap?rf?*ridingco*i, ddle. BMraraoflrolutlona. Kon?scnalne withoutthe rk. IIIu?tTited Catalogue frea. A J.Towrr, Boiton^Iaa, m DYSPEPSIA, I 3 1CK HEADACHE. MB coNSTiPAiron, g A Remedy for all Diseases of the 14rer, H*? rneya, Slomnch and Bowels. A poiIUtcH cure for DyipepiU, Sick BemdM,! Tl Constipation. Dose, one to two teaspoonfall. ; 10 and 2". cts. No genuine lilU sold la bul&B SIMON N. JONES, Manager. LaaUvllle, K* I DISEASES. | Pabmblia Brundagx, of 161 Lock Strut, wU N. Y. writes: " I wna troubled .with nervous and general debility, with frequent iroat, and my mouth waa badly cankered. er waa inactive, and I suffered much from isia. I am pleased to say that your 'Golden ind 'Pellets' Have curea me or tui mew it say enough In their praise. I must also ace to your 'Favorite Prescription,' as li nost excellent medicine for weak femalet, iy family with excellent results." s, e8 L. Colby, Esq., of Yucatan, Houston Co, s troubled with indigestion, and would eat r at the same tame. I experienced heartburn, my other disagreeable symptoms common ;hat disorder. I commenced taking your lden Medical Discovery* and 'Pellets,rand a now entirely free from the dyspepsia, and In fact, healthier than I have been for years. I weigh one hundred and seventyand one-hair pounds, and have done si :h work the past summer as I have ever lgth of time in my life. I never took a a < ??? im ikA mnoolna onH InxrlcMratA I IU U/UO Up bll? utuovivu ?? ial to your 4 Discovery' and 'Pclleta. resa A. Cass, of Sprlnqftdd, Mo., write*: year with liver complaint, dyspepsia, and r 'Golden Medical Discovery' cured me."j >r.?Rev. H. E. Moslet, Montmnrenci, S. II thought I would die with chills and fever. y' and it stopped them in a very short time," : LIFE." | oe's Golden Medical Disoovcry, and good >ruptlon. to the worst Scrofula, or bloodsores, Hip-joint Disease, Scrofulous Sorefl i help of crutches. He does not suffer any ? ? 1 ?? tkoa anltr vvaom oiut,'p aa nut <u out uut. j.%, mhs vu^ i^.vh ince be commenced using your medicina. 'ith which to express my gratitude lor ttm 3 through you." :iu DIsea?e??The "Democrat and News," Zambridfje, Maryland, says: "Mrs. Eliza Poole, wife of Leonard Poole, of Tl'tlsburg, Dorchcstcr Co., Md., has been cured bad case of Eczema by using Dr. Pierce's len Medical Discovery. The disease aped first in her feet, extended to the kneeii, the lower limbs from feet to knees, then ind became so severe as to prostrate her. 7 several physicians for a year or two she f the medicine named above. She sooa now well and hearty. Mrs. Poole thinlu J her life and prolonged her duya." East New Market, Dorchester County, AfcL, 1UC15. TING OF BLOOD. y its wonderful blood-purif.vitifr, invisrora ath, Bronchitis, Severe Coughs. Asthma, erest Coughs it strengthens the system d below the usual standard of health by id my daughter of a very bad ulcer located >ing almost everything without success, wa i of your ' Discovery, which healed it up s continues: tid Heart Disease.?"I also wish to inrkablc cure vou have effected in ray case, three ycare I uud Buffered from that tcrridisease, consumption, and heart disease, ire consulting1 you I had wasted away to Icton: could not sleep nor rest, and many 8 wished to die to be out of my misery. I consulted you, and you told me you bad 8 of curing1 me, but it would tako time. I tment in all. Tho first two months 1 was iu Id not perceive any favorable symptoms, began to pick up in flesh and strength. I v, step by stop, the signs and realities of lually but surely developed themselves, s at one hundred and sixty, and am well ce in curing Mr. Downs' terrible disease cal Discovery." seph F. McFAnLANT, Eeq., Athens, La,, eg: "My wife had frequent bleeding from lungs before she commenced using your Iden Medical Discovery.' She has not any since its use. For 6ome six months has been feeling so well that she has ittle, or Six Bottles for $5.00. ON, rroprioiors, fain Street, BUFFALO, X. Y.