University of South Carolina Libraries
'Hit (Bamecock Special Guest Commentary Clemson student wants a transfer )wdy, Gamecock I students, my name is [.Billy Joe Bumnuts. I go to Clempson Universitty and I hate it so much that Im applying for a transfer to USC in the fall semester. I’m hoping y’all will be so nice as to let me out of this Billy Joe hellhole and into a real place of Bumnuts higher institution, is a freshman Clempson is the worst agriculture major school ever. Everyone there is at Clemson obsessive over turkey shoots and University. cow tippin’ and Clempson He can be reached footba11311(111 is » st00Pld-1116 at HoveWoodys® P***16there 316 such jerks, and clemson.edu. my Mer studenls included-1 want to get out of here so bad and be a Gamecock. I pray everynight that it happens and I even sleep in Gamecock pajamas. I like sports much and when I come there (please God) in the fall I want to work for The Gamecock and write sports articels. I want to be the sports editor. Kyle the current sports editor is so cool and he was really nice and let me contribute already with this. He wants me to expose the real Clempson. So here is a “behind the seenes” look at Clempson. Rod Gardner was my lab partner in byology class and he told me that he pushed off in the USC game and that he did it on porpose and liked it. He even cheated on all his tests but he still never got anything better then a C. I tried to tell him that it wasnt right to cheat, that cheating was bad, but he just pushed me away like I was Andre Goodman or something. When I first came to Clempson I wanted to be a mananger for the football team, and i was one. It was fun for a little bit but then the coaches started taking advantage of me. One in particular would tap me on the butt all the time and call me his favorite “tight end” and then he would laugh, and I didn’t like that very much. So then I quit being manager of football. I also wanted to concentrate on my classes. They were so hard!!! In my math class we were learning multiplication tables and that was almost impossibel. Basket weaving was fun, and so was Introduction to Trees, but my profesors were so strikt! I was so glad when football season ended, I couldnt wait for basketball season. I thought Adam Allenspach was the best player of alltime. But then I saw Tony Kitchings take a dump on him in Columbia and I figgered out that he was not that grate. Then we also lost a gazillion games in the ACC so that made the season not fun at all. Basketball season was specially hard for me because I was dealing with a tough breakup with my girlfriend Bobby Sue. I loved her so much but then my momma told me we were half-brother and sister so we had to breakup. She was such a hotty, she looked like Britney Spears, just a little hevier and with more facial hair. Thats another reason I wanna come to USC, I heard the girls there dont have facial hair. Clempson is no fun. Everyones idea of a good time is drinking hooch and going to walmart but i dont think that was very fun. I also do not like the turkey shootings or the cow tippings. Animal crulty is not very nice. I want to be a Gamecock so bad. I want to have good sports teams and hot girls and I want to have a good time that doesnt involve falling back prices or shotguns. I want to lem how to be the best journalism person ever and take intertesting classes. Please if you are reading this, help! Let me be a real man. I never want to wear orange overallls again and I want to root on Lou Holt. I will promise to make the school proud and be a good stoodent. Just get me out of here! Go Cocks! Twins from page Gaan team, was taken in by Frank and Carol Meyer, who live in Charleston. There, he blossomed into a major league prospect during his years at Bishop England High School and was drafted in 1999 by the Los Angeles Dodgers. Meyer chose to attend USC instead and soon became one of college baseball’s best. Brewer, a sophomore tailback for USC’s football team, was adopted by Momma and Poppa Brewer and moved to Troy, Ohio. Fate led him back to Columbia, where he starred in last season’s 24-7 Outback Bowl victory over Ohio State. As the two athletes shined on the field for Carolina, their strong resemblance to one another could not be ignored, and mutual friends insisted they get DNA tests. Neither Meyer nor Brewer could be reached for comment after the tests, but sources say they were understandably shocked by the results. USC fans, on the other hand, were not. “I sort of figured they were [twins],” said Bill Hick, a longtime Gamecock fan. “If they weren’t twins, they had to be related somehow. They just look too much alike.” Ricky Stallone, agraduate student at Carolina, agreed. “They’re spitting images of one another,” Stallone said. “And both are so talented athletically. I’m not surprised at all.” The Meyers and Brewers, as well as Big Spur, weren’t reached for comment because we couldn’t be bothered. The sports desk can be reached at XXXpictures@sex.com Sports Briefs ■ Copy editors applaud departure of Eddie ‘Folger1 Copy editors at The Gamecock are still celebrating the departure of former USC men’s basketball head coach Eddie* Fogler and the hiring of his replacement, Dave Odom, someone with a less complicated last name. “Thank God that’s over,” one copy editor said. “If I saw Fogler’s name spelled ‘Folger’ one more time, I would have pounded a writer into coffee grounds.” The copy editor expressed confidence that the writers would be able to spell ‘Odom’ without any problems. “However, if I start seeing ‘Dave Doom’ pop up everywhere, I’m going to blast them with a machine gun like they were demons or something.” ■ Men’s tennis forfeits * after NWO run-in me ux s iiieii b ieiiiiu> ieiuii wiu> doing well against Wake Forest -on Thursday, but the match was called off after it was invaded by the most elite wrestling group of 1997. “I was getting ready to serve the match point, when this big guy came in and kicked me right in the face,” said Seth Rose. “He said something about seeing me on Sunday in Chicago, which is odd, since we have a match at Clemson that day.” The group, led by non-tennis stars Scott Norton and Vincent, said it was establishing a “new world order of tennis.” The biggest shock of all, however,' came when Guillaume Legat attempted to save Rodrigo Pacheco from being piledriven into the court, only to blast ' him with a chair a few seconds later. Legat ripped off his jersey to reveal an NWO shirt underneath, and then told the fans in attendance that they could “stick it, brother.” ■ Ultimate frisbee team still undefeated Carolina’s ultimate frisbee team is still undefeated after knocking off Tennessee 77-6 Saturday at P.E. Center Field D. Jim Douchebag scored three somethings for the ’Cocks, including a 43-yard catch. Fuck Clentson. Francisco Franchesca added a couple catches and ran well with the frisbee, I suppose. www.petty4heisman.com GAMECOCK 11 challenge Brock Vergakis-Board of Publications Mike McGee-Eddie Fogler Derek Watson-Student Basketball Referee Lou Holtz-Mike Tyson and Lennox Lewis Dr. Palms-Dr. Dre Britney Spears-Christina Aguilera Jennifer Lopez-Jennifer Love Hewitt Alpha Delta Pi-Delta Delta Delta Brooke Burke-Jules Asner Roseanne-Rosie O’Donnell Brock Brock Brock Brock 1st Amend. Odom Fogler McGee Fogler Fogler Watson Watson Watson Watson Watson Holtz Holtz Holtz Holyfield Don Klhg Ed Lover Dre Dre Palms Dre Britney Britney Britney Christina Britney Both Love Hewitt Love Hewitt Lopez Love Hewitt AD Pi Tri-Delts Tri-Delts AD PI AD Pi Brooke Brooke Andy Griffith Brooke Brooke Kill Me Roseanne Roseanne Go Cocks Recount! FREE GIFTS TO 50 f OF THE LAST PEOPLE f IN ATTENDANCE! j I ACTIVITIES INCLUDE: f • 3 on 3 Basketball Tournament • • Stress-free Carnival Games • • Music & Dancing • Scavenger Hunt • • Carolina Trivia Contest • • Weight Room Open All Night • • FOOD • DOOR PRIZES - ALL FREE! • f RUSSELL HOUSE- 1 ALCOHOL I _FKOGKsLMS T All activities are free and open to USC students only! Bring your valid student ID! ? Actual events may change due to funding or programmatic decisions. This event is paid for with student activity fees. I Viva La rarka, now and forever the greatest wrestler the world has ever known... r--1-rrtr-1 I • 300 sq.ft, to 700 sq.ft. I • No Lease Required | ' • 30 sizes and types . I • You rent to the inch- only what you need I • Extra side doors ' • Resident Managers I • Computer controlled gate access ■ I • Free use of moving dollies I • Freight deliveries accepted ' • You lock it and keep the keys I • From locker size to garage size , I ■ U-Haul® Trucks • Moving Boxes & Supplies I Mini Office Warehouses I I_ Climate and Non-Climate Controlled 803-256-0103 803-787-5332 1037 Elmwood Dr., Columbia 5604 Forest Dr., Columbia Elmwood @ Main St. Forest Dr. @ 177 803-798-1580 3754 Fernandina Rd., Columbia 1-26, S. of Piney Grove visit us on the web @ www.private-mini.com