University of South Carolina Libraries
Viewpoint I Friday, November 20, 1987 THE GAMECOCK 3 | AMY DELPO Editor in Chief i STEPHEN GUILFOYLE Copy Desk Chief ' 1 DC BRENDA BLYTH News Editor I BRAD FARRAR Viewpoint Editor vJcHTlC^COCK. TAMARA WILLIS Features Editor , WAYNE WASHINGTON Sports Editor KEITH JONES Photography Editor Br si S.C. College Newspaper, 1986, South Carolina Press ROBB LANE Graphics Editor Association Collegiate Division PAULA WOJTOWICZ Beat Editor I Second class Americans should not make m geography inferior discipline Geography has been all but forgotten as a discipline in America. When explorers and settlers populated this country, it was an essential science. But today, many people cannot identify several American states and are completely unaware of what geographers do. It's tragic. .In a recent article in The Chronicle of Higher Education, Ronald Abler explains the importance of this science: "Universities in other countries still hold geography to be a basic and """ ii Fu^rv mnir?r rnltiire has cherished eeoeraDhv. Willi C*1 UUVlpilllV* ' T VI J (11MJX/1 w ^ - _w _-r 0 It passed from ancient Greek civilization to the Roman and Moslem empires to the European powers." But somehow the importance of knowing where you are and where you are going did not register with Americans. Geography is looked upon as a novice discipline, and that has cost us as a nation. Many run-down, ugly cities and towns in America are the result of poor planning and lavish overuse of land and resources. Many times people decide to tear down old buildings and put up new ones rather than maintain their communities. - ?' -? 1-.. nnA "Americans Know so nine aouui gcugiapuy ? men uwn auu that of the rest of the world ? that they cannot make geographically sound decisions about land use on a local scale, for example, or political and economic affairs on a global scale," writes Abler. Where a country is located affects its political and economic position as well. Oceans, seas, mountains and other geographic features isolate certain countries. Japan, England and the entire continent of Australia come to mind. J The world looks differently to us in this country than it docs from India, the Soviet Union or any other point on the compass. It is up to geographers to close the gap and make the world more ) i A accessible for a nation that has turned its back on a discipline that oiiiHoH nur anrpctnrc whn fnroeri this rtatiOn. l,,Ul gUlUVM UU> KI.VVUH/.U * C3 "TRYING TO SEEM REASONABLE ? WHAT WILL TWer STOOP TO NEXT?" . - I i (illl If r JL1 "Lp r ^pil } The~Staff Assistant Copy Desk Chief Comics (Editor j Andy Bechtel Tracey Mixson a viauuu Kt'/liincu Histnrifln /19.1I9IIIHI M*:na I/UMUI a | Todd Hincs Bobby Jones I Jeff Shrewsbury Adviser ! Assistant Features Editor Bill Rogers Firdous Bamji Acting Student Media Assistant Sports Editor Director/Advertising Manager IRae Leigh Margaret Michels Assistant Photography Editor Production Jonathan Williams Chuck Norris A Datebook Editor Son Ha , Jenny Sharpe Assistant Advertising Manager I Dawn Miller Ullm Policy: r/W ?UI in lo pftiit Wlm tkoaM fcf, M uilai*. 2J? lo J0? ?or4i loaf. <.w rdttorUU i>mM KM ntirf MO ??r4t. Wt rtttrrt i(w rifkl lo t4N Mlm lot MfW or potciM* lit* I Tht k ?IH Ml "Vkkol Han h4h m? rirc?Mun. JKSB^ Roaches mak< They say only fish can be kept as pets in the residence halls. What do they know? I have found. through objective means, the one animal tnat most effectively meets three very important criteria: reasonable cost, cleanliness and intelligence. The animal is also legal, if not abundant, in most residence halls on campus. After weeks of extensive research, 1 discovered the truly perfect pet. This animal, not surprising to some, is the cockroach. Cockroaches are actually an asset to have around. I have found that cockroaches, which are very adaptable animals, inhabit millions of homes around the world. Acquiring a cockroach is extremely easy. In fact, it is difficult to avoid. Furthermore, cockroaches dine on crumbs left behind after human meals. This obviously illustrates the fact that cockroaches cost nothing to feed. -? fIr i-AithnoIti _ WI1C M^llllllillll IdlllM 111(11 13 IUUUIIV.I; uimuun ed is the free cleaning services provided by cockroaches. They are undeniably the most inexpensive of all household pets. Cockroaches are also among the cleanest of all household pets. As an owner of a canine odormachine, I am painfully aware of the weekly task of grooming a dog in order to distinguish my home Practical joke! There are no more good oF days of college. Days like when Andy Hardy was chasing the homecoming queen around and Judy Garland was depressed because Andy never noticed her? And whenever the BIG game came around, Andy would get caught stealing the opposing team's mascot as a practical joke? Why don't we have that anymore? No one chases homecoming queens, and nobody plays practical jokes on opposing teams anymore ? specifically, Clemson. College students just don't seem to have the same zest for levity anymore. They seem to be afraid or unwilling to go the extra mile for a well*>l nr>c*r\ A i r* o t Plpmcnn plUVVU UI5 U V V/IVIIIJVii> My own personal theory about this is that '80s students are afraid something they might do now would hurt their chances of being hired by a reputable business firm so they can buy BMWs. But what we need today to keep the sanctity of the Carolina tradition of valor and honor and yucks is anti-Clemson practical jokes and lots of them. You know,-the stuff legends are made of. No one seems to have any guts these days. It would be so nifty to be able to tell your kids about the time you drove to Clemson and painted the paws on Highway 76 garnet and black or when you hung a tiger in effigy from the flagpole at the State House. I'm not suggesting you get yourself arrested ? in which case you would miss the game ? but be A cfpn-hv-cfpi Well, here I am, continuing my Carolina| Clemson series. Saturday ? tomorrow ? is the day. This ? ' basically ? is my agenda. You might want to ? follow this too if you are into this kind of stuff. Friday night ? Heavy drinking, bar hopping. , Saturday morning (late Saturday morning) ? 11:05 a.m. 1 wake up. This is important. 11:06 a.m. I fall back to sleep. This is wrong, but relaxing. _ 11:55 a.m. 1 wake up again. This is really important. 11:56 a.m. 1 call some friends. "What time do you think we'll start tailgating?" "Tailgating?" my friend asks 'cause I wake him ? up before every game. m "Drinking," I elaborate, "with some chicken thrown in." "What time's the game?" "About 7:45 p.m." I say. "What time's it now?" "About noon." "Well, we should start soon, about 3 p.m." "About 3 p.m. is soon?" "After I fall asleep and wake up again, it'll be soon," he says. "Go back to sleep; we had a bac night last night." 12:01 p.m. I fall asleep. 2:32 p.m. I reawaken. 2:33 p.m. 1 take off the clothes I was wearing a ; those bars last mgnt, me ones i pa??cu um m, am ? I hit the showers. 4 I 2:50 p.m. Dressed and ready, I hit the phone. 2:52 p.m. "Well, are we going?" hballs '"VtGm WSQ. -V3 FLEET CASH TENDER. U.S.S. "WEINBER.C1ER. \ r?n??fnr?i ; |J^t ll/Vl pviiJ editorial Rzepkowski * from a putrid-smelling doghouse. In contrast, I have observed cockroaches cleaning themselves hourly. Admittedly, cockroaches do carry germs, but substantially fewer than a well-soiled pup. ^ocKroacnes aiso require no veterinary cure m times of ill health. They also don't regurgitate. Cockroaches arc less tainted than the canine species. The third and most important consideration when choosing a pet is intelligence. 1 ask you, what other animal enters securely locked cabinets? What other animal survives such comprehensive attempts $ for Clemson J- _ |. || 1.11, [[I I I I > creative and sneaky. The best practical jokes are committed between 1 and 4:30 a.m. the night before the game. If you're not up to painting the paws or hanging a tiger, how about this ? at the game tomorrow, everyone bring citrus to the game and whenever USC scores or Clemson screws up, toss them at the field ? gently. The reason for this is there's still an outside chance Carolina could get the Citrus Bowl bid, and if we do you know what that means. . . yes that ? right. . . Disney World. Seriously, if you can't find an alligator to toss out onto the field, bring a fruit, i.e., a lemon, lime, grapefruit, orange, etc. Others in the past have had good ideas; where are the present day jokesters? For example: In Frank Howard's last year as a guide to ean I o o f f "Yes," my contact says. "But one of the your ladies is late, so we're not leaving for a while." "When?" "Be here at 3:30. And brush your teeth. Yoi breath smells of all that beer we drank last night. How could he tell over the phone? 2:56 p.m. "Where the hell's my toothbrush?" j;jii p.m. yy licit i nt 1n.11 3 mij m?u _? . 3:45 p.m. Our old friend Buddy shows up. "Buddy, my old buddy," I say. "How's going?" : "Where the hell's my ticket?" I 3:48 p.m. Buddy "ticketed," we spend the tit while we wait for the rest of the gang telling Clei son jokes and, even more funny, telling true stori about Clemson. t 4:15 D.m. We're in the car; everyone's here; ai i we're on our way. We've told so many Clems* stories we're crying. My lungs hurt. Clemson is funny little school, isn't it? 4:30 p.m. We're still on our way. Damn traffic I ' v . t for students I of extermination? What other animal never needs to be housebroken? pS| And finally what other animal is predicted to ptt survive a nuclear war? Do you think this is luck? Wy_ Even this is not where a cockroach'? intelligence ends; they are also bom with an amazing repetoirc ! I of tricks. The first one is called "Run." To observe pi this, you simply turn on a light in a kitchen at ; = midnight. The second trick is "Stay." In order to make a ps cockroach stay, simply place it in a glass container and firmly say, "Stay." t The third and perhaps most complicated trick is ! to "Play dead." All you need to do is swat the ^ V, cockroach with anything handy. After an elaborate hfi act of dying, it will stay still only to later leave f \ when you are substantially fooled. Some p? cockroaches are exceptional actors and remain H? dead. p|i Cockroaches have shown and will continue to || show their superior intellect long after man is gone. pa Cockroaches also have many other favorable |p characteristics other than the ones discussed earlier |p in depth. I consider them lovable as well as good p with children. Finally, 1 would like to reiterate that p the roach is positively the least expensive, cleanest p and most intelligent pet alive. would be nice head coach of CLEMPson, the Tigers were in Columbia for the BIG game. Get this now ? some members of a USC fraternity dressed up in orange Clemson uniforms and went out onto the field to warm up with the team. They did their stretches, falling down and messing up. They missed 10-yard field goals and generally disrupted the orange geeks' pre-game ritual until several Clemson fans, just in from the cow pasture, realized they were the butt of a joke and viciously and unexpectedly attacked these poor fellows in the uniforms; a melee occurred. That's classic. Also: i U/han t ho T 'apItc \i'<?rr* 1t\ f Mpmcr>n nnp v/^nr t=r some Carolina person or persons took a cow up to the top of the bell tower in Clemson and tied its rope to the bell's chord. Kind of hit close to home for those Moo-U people, huh? And some Clemson people hung chickens from the light posts in Columbia one year. Now is that sick or what? At least USC people have a nice sense of humor, and we don't attack livestock. Now is the time, and these are the opportunities, from which bar stories are spawned. Don't be left out of the competition off the field. If Clemson people can do it in Chapel Hill, like they did painting on the Tarheels' field, they can do it here. Don't let them draw first blood. A a i c n ? nt-fikla K i n n t A Uf o c t o , /A JUPiC 13 (1 III I It'll 1111115 iw le enjoyment 4:37 p.m. If we could just cross the street and get into the parking area, we'd be fine. "Did you hear the one about Danny Ford, Kenny Flowers and the PTA?" 4:43 p.m. Parked. Shangri-la. 4:44 p.m. "Where the hell's the ^eer9" 5:45 p.m. "Do you shink 'ere's someplace elsh we could go to get a samore?" "What's a samore?" "I wan' sa more beer!" / II n ni "I (?r'c om hpfurp th<> sun sets I completely. I 6:56 p.m. VVc make it to the ticket gate. We wait ig behind 801,267 people to get in. 7:10 p.m. We're inside the stadium. "Where's your tickets?" ir "South stands." " "Me too." "East upper." "Us too." "East lower." "Nicc, how'd you get them?" it "Shut up. Now, do wc split up?" "No." "Where to?" 44* - - * - L.. .1 tlw, A , ?' lit' l.t'l S SI I uy 1111* (>(11111 III lilt MIUIII 1UIIUI.1. 11- "No, I like the upper deck." ies "What about. . . ?" We split up. lid 7:40 p.m. Kickoff, which means the beginning of on the biggest rout Clemson will ever. . . but that's , a another agenda. Whenever-the-game's-over p.m. Party. No, that's incorrect. PARTY.