The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, November 20, 1987, Page 3, Image 3
Viewpoint I
Friday, November 20, 1987 THE GAMECOCK 3 |
AMY DELPO Editor in Chief
i STEPHEN GUILFOYLE Copy Desk Chief
' 1 DC BRENDA BLYTH News Editor
I BRAD FARRAR Viewpoint Editor
vJcHTlC^COCK. TAMARA WILLIS Features Editor
, WAYNE WASHINGTON Sports Editor
KEITH JONES Photography Editor
Br si S.C. College Newspaper,
1986, South Carolina Press ROBB LANE Graphics Editor
Association Collegiate Division PAULA WOJTOWICZ Beat Editor
I
Second class
Americans should not make
m geography inferior discipline
Geography has been all but forgotten as a discipline in
America. When explorers and settlers populated this country, it
was an essential science. But today, many people cannot identify
several American states and are completely unaware of what
geographers do.
It's tragic.
.In a recent article in The Chronicle of Higher Education,
Ronald Abler explains the importance of this science: "Universities
in other countries still hold geography to be a basic and
""" ii Fu^rv mnir?r rnltiire has cherished eeoeraDhv.
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It passed from ancient Greek civilization to the Roman and
Moslem empires to the European powers."
But somehow the importance of knowing where you are and
where you are going did not register with Americans. Geography
is looked upon as a novice discipline, and that has cost us as a
nation.
Many run-down, ugly cities and towns in America are the
result of poor planning and lavish overuse of land and
resources. Many times people decide to tear down old buildings
and put up new ones rather than maintain their communities.
- ?' -? 1-.. nnA
"Americans Know so nine aouui gcugiapuy ? men uwn auu
that of the rest of the world ? that they cannot make
geographically sound decisions about land use on a local scale,
for example, or political and economic affairs on a global
scale," writes Abler.
Where a country is located affects its political and economic
position as well. Oceans, seas, mountains and other geographic
features isolate certain countries. Japan, England and the entire
continent of Australia come to mind.
J The world looks differently to us in this country than it docs
from India, the Soviet Union or any other point on the compass.
It is up to geographers to close the gap and make the world more
) i A accessible for a nation that has turned its back on a discipline
that oiiiHoH nur anrpctnrc whn fnroeri this rtatiOn.
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"TRYING TO SEEM REASONABLE ?
WHAT WILL TWer STOOP TO NEXT?"
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} The~Staff
Assistant Copy Desk Chief Comics (Editor
j Andy Bechtel Tracey Mixson
a viauuu Kt'/liincu Histnrifln
/19.1I9IIIHI M*:na I/UMUI a
| Todd Hincs Bobby Jones
I Jeff Shrewsbury Adviser
! Assistant Features Editor Bill Rogers
Firdous Bamji Acting Student Media
Assistant Sports Editor Director/Advertising Manager
IRae Leigh Margaret Michels
Assistant Photography Editor Production
Jonathan Williams Chuck Norris
A Datebook Editor Son Ha
, Jenny Sharpe Assistant Advertising Manager
I Dawn Miller
Ullm Policy: r/W ?UI in lo pftiit Wlm tkoaM fcf, M uilai*. 2J? lo J0? ?or4i loaf. <.w
rdttorUU i>mM KM ntirf MO ??r4t. Wt rtttrrt i(w rifkl lo t4N Mlm lot MfW or potciM* lit* I Tht k ?IH Ml "Vkkol
Han h4h m? rirc?Mun.
JKSB^
Roaches mak<
They say only fish can be kept as pets in the
residence halls. What do they know? I have found.
through objective means, the one animal tnat most
effectively meets three very important criteria:
reasonable cost, cleanliness and intelligence.
The animal is also legal, if not abundant, in most
residence halls on campus. After weeks of extensive
research, 1 discovered the truly perfect pet.
This animal, not surprising to some, is the
cockroach.
Cockroaches are actually an asset to have
around. I have found that cockroaches, which are
very adaptable animals, inhabit millions of homes
around the world.
Acquiring a cockroach is extremely easy. In fact,
it is difficult to avoid. Furthermore, cockroaches
dine on crumbs left behind after human meals.
This obviously illustrates the fact that cockroaches
cost nothing to feed.
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ed is the free cleaning services provided by
cockroaches. They are undeniably the most inexpensive
of all household pets.
Cockroaches are also among the cleanest of all
household pets. As an owner of a canine odormachine,
I am painfully aware of the weekly task
of grooming a dog in order to distinguish my home
Practical joke!
There are no more good oF days of college.
Days like when Andy Hardy was chasing the
homecoming queen around and Judy Garland was
depressed because Andy never noticed her?
And whenever the BIG game came around, Andy
would get caught stealing the opposing team's
mascot as a practical joke?
Why don't we have that anymore? No one
chases homecoming queens, and nobody plays
practical jokes on opposing teams anymore ?
specifically, Clemson.
College students just don't seem to have the
same zest for levity anymore. They seem to be
afraid or unwilling to go the extra mile for a well*>l
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My own personal theory about this is that '80s
students are afraid something they might do now
would hurt their chances of being hired by a
reputable business firm so they can buy BMWs.
But what we need today to keep the sanctity of
the Carolina tradition of valor and honor and
yucks is anti-Clemson practical jokes and lots of
them.
You know,-the stuff legends are made of.
No one seems to have any guts these days. It
would be so nifty to be able to tell your kids about
the time you drove to Clemson and painted the
paws on Highway 76 garnet and black or when
you hung a tiger in effigy from the flagpole at the
State House.
I'm not suggesting you get yourself arrested ? in
which case you would miss the game ? but be
A cfpn-hv-cfpi
Well, here I am, continuing my Carolina|
Clemson series.
Saturday ? tomorrow ? is the day. This ?
' basically ? is my agenda. You might want to
? follow this too if you are into this kind of stuff.
Friday night ? Heavy drinking, bar hopping.
, Saturday morning (late Saturday morning) ?
11:05 a.m. 1 wake up. This is important.
11:06 a.m. I fall back to sleep. This is wrong, but
relaxing.
_ 11:55 a.m. 1 wake up again. This is really
important.
11:56 a.m. 1 call some friends. "What time do you
think we'll start tailgating?"
"Tailgating?" my friend asks 'cause I wake him
? up before every game.
m "Drinking," I elaborate, "with some chicken
thrown in."
"What time's the game?"
"About 7:45 p.m." I say.
"What time's it now?"
"About noon."
"Well, we should start soon, about 3 p.m."
"About 3 p.m. is soon?"
"After I fall asleep and wake up again, it'll be
soon," he says. "Go back to sleep; we had a bac
night last night."
12:01 p.m. I fall asleep.
2:32 p.m. I reawaken.
2:33 p.m. 1 take off the clothes I was wearing a
; those bars last mgnt, me ones i pa??cu um m, am
? I hit the showers.
4 I 2:50 p.m. Dressed and ready, I hit the phone.
2:52 p.m. "Well, are we going?"
hballs '"VtGm
WSQ.
-V3 FLEET CASH TENDER.
U.S.S. "WEINBER.C1ER.
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editorial
Rzepkowski
*
from a putrid-smelling doghouse. In contrast, I
have observed cockroaches cleaning themselves
hourly.
Admittedly, cockroaches do carry germs, but
substantially fewer than a well-soiled pup.
^ocKroacnes aiso require no veterinary cure m
times of ill health. They also don't regurgitate.
Cockroaches arc less tainted than the canine
species.
The third and most important consideration
when choosing a pet is intelligence. 1 ask you, what
other animal enters securely locked cabinets? What
other animal survives such comprehensive attempts
$ for Clemson
J- _ |. || 1.11, [[I I
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creative and sneaky. The best practical jokes are
committed between 1 and 4:30 a.m. the night
before the game.
If you're not up to painting the paws or hanging
a tiger, how about this ? at the game tomorrow,
everyone bring citrus to the game and whenever
USC scores or Clemson screws up, toss them at the
field ? gently. The reason for this is there's still an
outside chance Carolina could get the Citrus Bowl
bid, and if we do you know what that
means. . . yes that ? right. . . Disney World.
Seriously, if you can't find an alligator to toss
out onto the field, bring a fruit, i.e., a lemon, lime,
grapefruit, orange, etc.
Others in the past have had good ideas; where
are the present day jokesters?
For example: In Frank Howard's last year as
a guide to ean
I o o
f f
"Yes," my contact says. "But one of the your
ladies is late, so we're not leaving for a while."
"When?"
"Be here at 3:30. And brush your teeth. Yoi
breath smells of all that beer we drank last night.
How could he tell over the phone?
2:56 p.m. "Where the hell's my toothbrush?"
j;jii p.m. yy licit i nt 1n.11 3 mij m?u _? .
3:45 p.m. Our old friend Buddy shows up.
"Buddy, my old buddy," I say. "How's
going?"
: "Where the hell's my ticket?"
I 3:48 p.m. Buddy "ticketed," we spend the tit
while we wait for the rest of the gang telling Clei
son jokes and, even more funny, telling true stori
about Clemson.
t 4:15 D.m. We're in the car; everyone's here; ai
i we're on our way. We've told so many Clems*
stories we're crying. My lungs hurt. Clemson is
funny little school, isn't it?
4:30 p.m. We're still on our way. Damn traffic
I ' v . t
for students I
of extermination? What other animal never needs
to be housebroken? pS|
And finally what other animal is predicted to ptt
survive a nuclear war? Do you think this is luck? Wy_
Even this is not where a cockroach'? intelligence
ends; they are also bom with an amazing repetoirc ! I
of tricks. The first one is called "Run." To observe pi
this, you simply turn on a light in a kitchen at ; =
midnight.
The second trick is "Stay." In order to make a ps
cockroach stay, simply place it in a glass container
and firmly say, "Stay." t
The third and perhaps most complicated trick is !
to "Play dead." All you need to do is swat the ^ V,
cockroach with anything handy. After an elaborate hfi
act of dying, it will stay still only to later leave f \
when you are substantially fooled. Some p?
cockroaches are exceptional actors and remain H?
dead. p|i
Cockroaches have shown and will continue to ||
show their superior intellect long after man is gone. pa
Cockroaches also have many other favorable |p
characteristics other than the ones discussed earlier |p
in depth. I consider them lovable as well as good p
with children. Finally, 1 would like to reiterate that p
the roach is positively the least expensive, cleanest p
and most intelligent pet alive.
would be nice
head coach of CLEMPson, the Tigers were in Columbia
for the BIG game. Get this now ? some
members of a USC fraternity dressed up in orange
Clemson uniforms and went out onto the field to
warm up with the team.
They did their stretches, falling down and messing
up. They missed 10-yard field goals and
generally disrupted the orange geeks' pre-game
ritual until several Clemson fans, just in from the
cow pasture, realized they were the butt of a joke
and viciously and unexpectedly attacked these poor
fellows in the uniforms; a melee occurred.
That's classic.
Also: i
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some Carolina person or persons took a cow up to
the top of the bell tower in Clemson and tied its
rope to the bell's chord.
Kind of hit close to home for those Moo-U people,
huh?
And some Clemson people hung chickens from
the light posts in Columbia one year. Now is that
sick or what? At least USC people have a nice sense
of humor, and we don't attack livestock.
Now is the time, and these are the opportunities,
from which bar stories are spawned. Don't be left
out of the competition off the field. If Clemson
people can do it in Chapel Hill, like they did painting
on the Tarheels' field, they can do it here.
Don't let them draw first blood.
A a i c n ? nt-fikla K i n n t A Uf o c t o
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le enjoyment
4:37 p.m. If we could just cross the street and get
into the parking area, we'd be fine.
"Did you hear the one about Danny Ford, Kenny
Flowers and the PTA?"
4:43 p.m. Parked. Shangri-la.
4:44 p.m. "Where the hell's the ^eer9"
5:45 p.m. "Do you shink 'ere's someplace elsh we
could go to get a samore?"
"What's a samore?"
"I wan' sa more beer!"
/ II n ni "I (?r'c om hpfurp th<> sun sets
I completely.
I 6:56 p.m. VVc make it to the ticket gate. We wait
ig behind 801,267 people to get in.
7:10 p.m. We're inside the stadium.
"Where's your tickets?"
ir "South stands."
" "Me too."
"East upper."
"Us too."
"East lower."
"Nicc, how'd you get them?"
it "Shut up. Now, do wc split up?"
"No."
"Where to?"
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lit' l.t'l S SI I uy 1111* (>(11111 III lilt MIUIII 1UIIUI.1.
11- "No, I like the upper deck."
ies "What about. . . ?"
We split up.
lid 7:40 p.m. Kickoff, which means the beginning of
on the biggest rout Clemson will ever. . . but that's
, a another agenda.
Whenever-the-game's-over p.m. Party. No, that's
incorrect. PARTY.