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T' Next Edition Bok ToBe That Is, Jokes V Also Fine Picture The next issue of the Carolin mentous announcement was i& Editor of the campus joke booh A brand new page, devoted en-< tirely to pointless jokes, will be one of the main features of the next is sue, Millsaps said. Heretofore, all of the jokes have had points. Another interesting picture, this time of, the little-known Maxcey monument, and a steel engraving of President Maxcey, will also grace the pages of the Carolinian. Millsaps said that there had been a demand for some such feature among the students, and that; for once, ie was setting aside the ideals of literature and the arts to give the public what it wants. Another special feature will be a review of some of the new books available at the library. Among the books reviewed will be "A Commentary on the Sermons of the Reverend Titus Aromanus J. Philemon, 1732", and "Some As pects of the Sciences of the Early Eighteenth Century, As Seen by the Layman." These interesting works have been much in demand at the library. For the benefit of those who have not been able to get them out, the Carolinian is run ning a full review. Poetry, including verse titled "Would I Were a Little Spring F 1 o w e r " (anonymous), and "Could I But Dally Here In the Green, Green, Green Woods" (also anonymous) will be included in the next edition. --u. L. 0. Dumb Dopes Decide Destiny In DiscussionI Student Opinion Is Recorded At Campus Meeting In the interest of recording just what student opinion was concern ing student government on the campus, the Red Rooster under took to make, secretly, a record ing of all which went on in a dis cussion group in one of the men's dormitories, The following is a partial record of the remarks of the leader and students. Leader: The question tonight is about student government on the campus. (Here followed a brief outline of the history of student government and its present status.) do you think should be the atti tuide of studlen ts toward s tutt(C govern ment? Group Member: Will you repeat the question, please? Leader: Now that we hiave the answver to that, I'll ask another quILestioni. Whlat (do you think can be (lone about it? Group MIem ber : I dlon't know. Leader: Good ! Now wve'll go oni to the next qulestion on the out line. It says here, wii Group Member:(oby ttil door) [Hey, comie o n i memb)er andl win a fe ukysp per! (to secretary)Makit (wi as a new member. Leader: 'We're glad to have you as a newv member. D)on't forget, you're not eligible fo)r the turkey supp)er unless you stop by at each meeting for a minute or so. Now to the next question Group Member: It's time to go. It's nearly eight. Leadler: So it is. Well, the meet ing is adjourned until next week. fBUy Your Tickets For The Columbia Music Festival Swing Session Anuot Of Joke Pointless 711 Be Pointless; Of Maxcey Spire ian will be out soon. This mo dle yesterday by Dan Millsaps, Gints Will Win World War-Weinefeld Red Rooster Scores Again With Latest Foreign News Flash In view of the imminent situa tion in Europe today, The Red Rooster, first with all the foreign news, brings you an exclusive inter view with Prof. Bob Vienefeld, noted expert on European affairs. - Reporter: Professor, what in your opinion are the salient objec tives in Hitler's march to the East? Wienefeld: The clubs in the East, in the National League I be lieve are going to be much stronger this year. Take the Giants, for in stance, with Zeke Ronuss at first base, they can't miss. And then, despite what Bill Perry says, the Brooklyns are very much in the League. Now Boston . . . Reporter: But, professor, what do you think of the Rome-Berlin axis. Do you believe the democratic powers will have the advantage in case of a world conflict?" Wienefeld: Speaking a b o u t power, you take the New York Yankees. With Gehrig, DiMaggi o, Henrich, Dickey and the rest they ought to easily cop the pen nant in the American league. Reporter: Professor, do you think we are going to have a world war soon11 Wvienefeld: In the world series I'll take the American league every time . . . Look at the record . . . Next week the Gamecock will conduct another of its interviews vith authorities on European af fairs. Next in the interview series will b'e Banjo Smith, sports'editor of the Columbia Record. Wall Scene NO PARKiNG Guess Who? CAROLINA ENGRAVING COQ You Don't Get Api Food Is Good ani Thai G AMI Here's now Th4 No. 233 II Jobs U. S. Gene Alexander, up-standing stud a bit of money recently when the substituted for the three-ball sign Main St., when that immortal symb< the money earned, he paid his way And he did not have to milk cows, tuition. Roving Repoi ' By Damon Pythias Your roving reporter roved reck lessly around the rollicking old campus the other day and inter viewed some of the better known Glamour Gals. As lie -wandered passed the popular paradise coi monly known as the wall, a wan dering foot sent him sprawling on the walk. He looked up, and there was McAye Kinge standing over hin. "Why don't you look where you're .going. you sappy-looking little sap?" said Miss Kinge. "Miss Kinge," said I, "I'm a re porter, and I want to interview "Ooooh, then in that case, you may say that I'm going to all the (lances here next week, and a few at Clemsoi and Citadel tycO. I'ii spQnsoring for most of them. . ." Then who should come wander ing by but Lovely Frail Johnson. "What tews, Nliss Johnson?" I said to her. ,"Well," said -shie, "it's a Long story, but it's all over now. But I've got to run along now, I'm go Found-Eight U Owners Apply 2 Intimate lFacts From NI aricl 1 : Re iceived a l ette r from<~ NI;archi I: Recivedl a letter from Joh l I'aiu I J'ne, today,i. NI arch 17:l Receivedl hieuer fromi NI r. Ju'ne, tiu.nu morning. Hadn grami illar. NI arel .?8 Received a lettecr fromti .\ t-d todayu. Such an auwful thing! An othe sto'ry ends. BUSINESS IS ESSENTIAL TO EVE] 00LL4IGE ME!M DAY, NIGHT:'AND DRAUGHON'S BU 1218 Sumter Street :-: FRANK W. LYKES, Pfelsdent MRS. D. T. FAULKINEE ii Fooled When the I the Prices Right. 's At IO N'S AIN ST. ,y Pay i Series On Odd C. Boys Hold Is ent at the Vniversity earned quite tonardo hit Columbia. Alexander in front of Moe's Nock Shop, 12 ol was damaged by the winds. With through college for one semester. like all Clemson cadets do, to pay eter Rambles itg a Man-ing." Then I walked on toward Davis College and ran into Cis Shevis. I couldn't get much out of her though; all she would say was "Oh, l)-shiaw!" And passing through the gates of dear old Davis, who should I find there hut Gorgeous Georgette LaSee-her. Her remarks on the situation were as follows: "Ali. Mais oui. c'est vrai, et parlez-vous? Comment passez-vous le temiips? Noin? Oooh. La la! Zut!" So I walked on through Davis, and walking down toward the Women's Builqing I saw Nicky McSteenk. I asked her wlhat she thought about the Civil War; she answered, in a slow drawl, "Aw, Ah thinks de Yankees is awl rite, een Gin'ril Shoiian. . ." Just as I entered the Women's Building, I encoutntered Dot Pul lam. I opened my mouth to ask her a question, but she got hers open first, and I didn't get a chance. M iss Pul-lam's remarks would fill the next three columns, so I de cided to leave them all out. xderpiins At RoOst Coed's Diary I Can't Imagine! YONE,O PARTICULRLY Telephones 551 andoe 6317 WM.~1 p.YKE2 ' .JO lopr02 'Mant pooY. 'UOretary-Yrooasurer SPECIABPE01E ISCO LLEGEBI Telehone 5 "A GOOD817 1W2 . TAYLO R. VET.P.de Reporter Fortunate; Sees Woods Old' Man Tells Of Good Old Days In The Opery By Pythias- Damon With notebook in hand and press ticket in hat, I somehow managed to get by the 53 guards one day and slipped into the inner sancto rum of the world-renowned Lec turer, Professor Billy Woods. "Hal" said he throwing down a cigarette and taking his feet off his desk. Then he put his feet back on the desk, lit another cigarette, and said "Balil" I gazed with awe upon this man, who by sheer genius had risen to a position from whence he com manded the respect of the universe (thV Universetee of S. C.) His long white hair flowed down to his shoulders; his dark brown eyes still sparkled with a kindly fire. I think he had been dreaming of days gone by; when he recovered from the William S. Woods shock of my sudden entrance, he began to speak in hushed tones ol things that had taken place years ago. . . "Grands dieuxl I wish I was single again," said the venerable professor. "Those kwere the days, when I was a student and then a young professor on this campus, Boy, what times we had in tho4e days! Oh well, I had m1y tie, I guites s.. Then he seemed to tire of rem iniscing. "But there's still a bit of tire left in me 'yet; you'll see!' said he. Suddenly he realized that I was a reporter, and took on a more serious countenance. "Let tme tell you about my latest book; it'., called 'The Mlurder of Who Mlan ;-oo'-er, no, no-I mean, "I'he Infooence of Fooseau on Frency Fooetry.' My greatest work, withiout a doubt, and( that's usin)ag somiething, foo-I mecan poo-nto. no0, too! "By the bye," lie went on, "did you watch the tele-cast of 'I1 Tro cadero' by the Mletropolitan Cafe -l mean Opera Comupany-last Saturday' afternoon? WVell, did you not ice the cute little blonde icon tralto-didn't she have the most gorgeous voice?" Now~ the professor fell to remni nliscinig againi. I caught something about "Carnegie Foosic Set," "Stu deniit F oonion Building (wvith I eoo New Shoe Hospital "Everything for the Shoe" MODERN EFFICIENT' EXPERT Shoe Repairing "Gives Your Comfortable Shoes New Life" SATISFACTION GUARANTEED --PHONE 9605 1345 MAIN STREET , COLUMBIA, 8. C. Look Whenees Emblem So COLUMBIA Merchants Association DENTS allent work on your laundry t at the Oanten. We can >u one day service . .. and AL RATES TO STUDENTS LAUDR" PHONE 2.214 Future Phart Formulate F Night Marauders Ra Students Mourn * Two students of the pharmapy yesterday to an humble lookin world that it was a newly inver habit forming and 'non-intoxi tunes up the muscles, and give rythm. They announced that the new* product was soon to go on the m'ar ket as "Jitterbug Juice." In extensive tests at University t dances, the new fluid made the most bashful, awkward students easy-mannered, smooth dancers. Tests at Carolina Law banquets further proved its efficacy. Dean E. T. Motley announced to police today that night marauders had broken into the pharmacy de partment's store of chemicals, and made way with a number of items. Amongothe chemicals stolen were listed two gallons of grain alcohol, one quart 'of formaldehyde, and three quarts of ~turpentine. Also missing were a number of small glass bottles. Authorities were at a loss as to the identity of the thief. He (or they) left no clues. U. a. C. Tables)," but the grand old man was talking to himself, and not to me. I judged it best to leave him to his dreams, so I 'slipped quietly out, as he muttered something bout "my -ld pal, Butch- Std foon. PALMETTO STATE LIFE INSURANCE COMPANY Offers Protection - Service Loyalty Industrial and Ordinary Home Office: Columbia, 5. C, Monday and Tuesday Come here a and Easy R 5 PARKER SCH OLARSHI One&Scoasip~ Eai -or 100 a 20 AddItional Cash TOTAL: O Get y State Co. I iky Fluid id Pharmacy Stores; loss Of Chemicals department pointed with prid6 r bottle and announced to the ted fluid, which, although non eating, stimulates the senset, 3 the taker vim, vigor, and Some Pupils From The Red Rooster Kindergarten 0. Q MAYO'S 1426 MAIN ST. LOOK! $5 For Your Old Mattress On This Comfortable Luxurious Inner-Spring MATTRESS PRICED ........ n EASY TERMS SIMMONS FURNITURE CO. 1227 Main St. Phone 151 SHOW8 TONIGHT-10:45 "CAFE SOCIE TV" COMING SOON! ISHAM JONES And His Orchestra I A md get yourI RY BLANK Llies for the PEN $1,000 P CONTESTS hJWech forS5Weeks Iek in Cash -plus. Awards of5~25 each trds inAll. G TO BUY TO WIN! wur Entry Blank at look Store ' ' TREET