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Higher Coach Jovial Jackie Juvenile - The famous Jack Crawford system of coaching which has confounded and as tounded followers of the sports world for J years has finally been exposed in a per- n sonal, all-exclusive interview with your f, Inkybaiter reporter! Jackie (as he is known to intimates) is the hard-working head track coach and I Director of Physical Education at this j. University of South Carolina. And let it be known here that the Inkybaiter is 0 prepared to defend the use of the adjec- p tive, "hard-working," in describing Jackie. In the files of this rag, which are nowE under padlock because of the importance r of the information contained therein, is a statement signed by all members of the track squad. The statemet reads as follows--"We, )1 the undersigned, do swear by God and all Si that's holy and hope to die this minute ri if it isn't true that John A. Crawford (This is to make it sound legal. We call him Jackie, too.) was seen on the 25th t( day of March 1938, strolling on Melton Field with his hands in his pockets, and whistling, and talking to several pretty P co-eds, and most important of all, bum- Y ming cigarettes from one of the high ti jumpers who was getting a lift with a you know what! If this is not proof that he is hard-working, we give up!" signed, the track team. The mere fact that Jackie was seen on the field should convince any doubters that he does coach track and does a lot 0] of hard work. Having disposed of this 5( matter, on with the interview! $E As I stalked into his well appointed office in the gymnasium, Jackie threw current issue of LA PAREE into the ft corner, put his feet on tut fk*n, and saiu, p, "Have you got a cigarette ?" I) '1 pi w di al After this matter was cleared up, we of got down to business. "How's coaching," I asked. t "Fine," he answered gesturing out of the window, "The boys are in fine shape." al In the distant haze I could make out . the forms of a few men in track clothes standing around on Melton Field. "I think they're working out," Jackie added. "What about Clemson," I said. "Will we beat Clemson ?" "Oh, you know how it is-next year maybe!" "Sure," I nodded, "Sure. I know how it is." Jackie threw the butt over in the cor ner with the LA PAREE and leaned towvard me. A gleam came in his eye. I got my scratch pad ready to take the next words down. Hie spoke slowly. "You got a cig arette ?" I got that matter adljusted again and he leaned back and puffed. "Glad to have seen you," lhe said. "Drop many time you want a story. And by the ,way, I'm going to organize a hog calling team this week. Couple of the boys have been yelling for one. It'll mean a lot of work but I'll (10 it." I hacked towvardl the dloor, a little con fusedl. "Jackie," I ventured. "To what do you ow yor success as a coach." Ile pondlered for a moment; then brightened and began to grin. "I just coach 'em. That's all," he said. "I just coach 'em." "'Can I tell the world that ?" I shouted. "Sure, tell everybody." And that's the secret of Jackie (to in timates) Crawford's success as presented to you in a vital. compelling, human docu.. ment by a lowly reporter on the Inky haiter staff. -Men's Wearables-' OLOTHING-HATS--BHOES Merchandise of Quality for the man who cares KU)PPENHEIMER CLOTHES, STETSON HATS, FREEMAN SHOES, MANHATTAN SHIRTS, WILSON BROS. FUJRNiSHINGS. Learn The Way ToA Copeland Co. 1409 Main Street Load Your Camnera For Better Pictures USE KODAK VERIC Our stock includes fresh Verich Stop for a week-end's F RA NK D. PHOTOGRAPHIC Phone 2-1306 ColumbIa, I Hick SCrczn See So Shattered ... destroyed ... sp: ression prevalent for years that f marital bliss do not go togethe rdomo Rex Enright done it all, tultitudinous pieces and cremate )otball warriors the last day of : "Boys," he said, gathering thei have but one request to make o no simple thing to ask of just an; F this noble group, I feel that th ose to you will be done with the Their hearts warmed by the tru: nright ingenues bowed its little sonant voice paused for emphas "I want . '' his voice faltere > ask them, "I want each of yc srd, and the first week of yom ke, for dear Carolina's sake, get ed." Wide-mouthed the fireside circlh nance. "I realize that each of you boys >wer for me, therefore, I ask this ar I want you to come back Se rough November refuse to look t * * Gay . . . efflorescent . . . colorfr xt year's athletic contests yoke] rith a color scheme of garnet anc der has been placed for 25 m )O,000 yards of the gayest adhe st to the occasion of being hurt, Every player will go into the ga il of blooms. Upon his perfume< se a corsage of orchids, and it w >sing player is tackled or otherin ni upon tihe shouldler of that ind ill carry. "Our purpose," declares Bill I andsire of the notion, "is to in sense of the beautiful. We hop stributions will result a new ert id that in the future our school higher learning but as a place Bochman in laying the foundati out clad in a grass skirt, while a s guileless brow. Bochman, th< >chman, the . . . superman. * * ''Invite the citizens of all the nn Students, folk of every derivatio To a colossal sports spec-tacle That will make the poultry cack] So said William Hlarth today, Wrapt in dreams of coining hay While Gamecock athletic fortunt To the heights of fame sublime. "'We will offer gentlemen and I A card to thrill the hearts of ha Football, boxing, tennis, too, Basketball, baseball, even peek-a Golf, and traek. Why, we'll act Of a host with a most gracious I He paused to let the effect sink ii To arouse him would have requil Long enough to pierce the hide Of a six ton elephant just died. Ah,'' (quothi we, " 'give us horse Slot malichlines and( moonlight pct Leav'e us free to p)lay and gamabo: Free to hand-ini-handly ramble Compelled to attenid much less ce Furnished with imore lovely lasse "'It shall be did !'' said Willie 11. 'From now oni we will leave the (It had to rhyme) string out And to all thle inqulirinlg snouts That (10 appear, wve'll extend a, VTHEN YOU GO TQ SCHOOL YOU NEED A GOOD FOUNTAIN PEN -We Have IHEAFFER'S - PARKFR'S - WATERMAN'S PRIE b2.7 Uso a Good Cheap Pen for 11.00 and $1.73 Leather Brief Cass $2.11 to $1.00 Leather Note Books 78o to 63.00 NYTH4ING NEEDED IN THE CLASS ROOM THE R. L. BRYAN Co. 1440 MAIN STREET HROME FILM rome in your camera size 3 supply today BRUNS SUPPLIES I. 0. 1343 MaIn St. s Hou eford Ing Spots With ppy Slimn rttered . . . gone forever is the im ithletic prowess and the enjoymen r with any degree of success. Ma thattered the illusion, raked up th d them, all in the presence of hi practice.. n about his fatherly knee. "Boys f you from now to September. 1 'onie, but with the unalloyed beaut: c matter which I am about to pro greatest of ease." ;t reposed in them, each one of th head in shy confusion, while th< Is. d at the facile duty he was abou u to go home this summer, worl vacation, please, please, for my some nice little girl and get mar stared back at his fatherly coun would gladly do anything in you trivial thing of you. You see, nexi ptember 1 and from that time or it any woman." * * ii. That is the foundation for the authorities announced this week I black as the prevailing motif, an iles of bandage of that vintage 3ive tape, splints that give added mnd flowers by the truckload. me skipping merrily with an arm 1 ('FlyBy Nuit') shoulder will re ill be his pleasure whenever an op ise met in strong body contact, t< ividual a posie from the bunch i 3ochman, the father, mother, and still in the heart of every athlete e that from the practice of floral i of good will between our rivals, will be known not alone as a seat where beauty is loved and aspired ons for the movement is gadding wreath of fbrget-me-nots encircles man, has evoluted. He is now * * tions, n1, le.' -b, th art ., races and btig ting.e 1228u hand 10 anSre SMOKERS ADQPUARES EAONMALE PRICES GAYDOLEE STRENS IARI'RS 122 a14min Street BMOER'REAQUATER hfd Hc Crac Harth s F1 Worn to a mere skeleton of his forr tator of athletics, was placed by physi And say, 'For us, you're just th "Our troubles," we sighed, "ar This will be a Shangri-la laid oi "Bali !" snickered Willie with (Almost like lie enjoyed rubbii "I build my ales with such pL Why, you saps, everyone knows Carolina "If" Chai Carolina fQr the first time in several years won a major sports championship, today, when she was declared "if" cham piOn of South Carolina. This title is won on the basis of the number of sports involved and what might have happened "if." No other school in the State was in hailing distance of the University, which easily carried every sport "if," except the runner-up team, College of Charleston, which would have won the football title "if" they had had a grid team. "If Carolina had had Kiss, Kelly, a Koach and some Kash, the Gamecocks would have won sonic football games, "if" only Bramlette, I lamlet and Ohio jerseyvich could have played. Running up a big total in the cage "if'' race was the Gamecocks again with, "if" Lipscomb had only eaten more spinach like D)addy saidl, and "if" the other teams had not been so strong. Sports writer "Ukelle" Jones in a recent newspaper-article picked an all H1 IVH HARTH Delf atlers paPJ'tsPats 11 Ot:w sfSUMT ANDj- BLNoD~IGijd 1).130) P)SuoNE 61~ i)O1.10)Xtj StA~and,'IoItardBuines o hWuse t Cpollti m eter,W l1:ii!l tale s s.hip Autoumied Seth r vce ipless Cer On Diet (4u \ I t ter self, Willyam Hallelujia Harth, dis :ians this week on a buttermilk diet. e man.' " e almost over. t it in clover.'' :liabolic grin, ig it in!) musible tools. it's April Fool's." 1 Claims ripionship state "if" team. It 'included: < No. 1-"If" Sam Daniel, U. S. C. ten- r nis player had returned to school and "if" P he had ducked state eligibility rules another year. No. 2-"If" Paul Rampey had given y up a possible Big League contract to play in the football "minors" for Carolina and a paltry remuneration. No. 3-"If" the Fair-day Clemson- a Carolina classic had lasted only three J minutes.V No. 4-"If" McCallister had used a two man team consistently. No. 5-"lf" McCallister had used a one man team consistently. t No. 6-"If" McCallister had had a _ team. NE3 GABEL The nations suits for young Shadow strii patterns in doub] single breasted Green - Bh? Brown - and Smoke - Fine all wo< MARSHALL-T Harth ebrun Weeping William Wails Woes While members of the Boohoosters :lub, the Junior Alumni Assassination ;roup, tailtwisting trustee Solomn Blatt, Esq., and others of his retinue nomentari ly relaxed their vigil night vatch, and while Miss Ersula Cantwell, :hief maid im waiting, paused to catch ier breath between her daily dozen (thousand) words, Dictator of Athletic Willyam Hlalleluhia Harth yesterday is med the most momentous statement of us checkercd career. "There can be no such thing as sub. idization of athletes, and there will never >e anything as dastardly as that, so long is I am director of athletics at the Uni. ersity." With tears in his eyes he told of his fforts to keep his affairs on a simon. re basis. "I have given the best years f my life to the task of keeping our ports program on a par with the best chools of the nation." he sobbed. "Look at me." We did. "Veak and un-down, nerves keyed to a fever pitch mid lately I had to cut out my daily stint >f spinach. Why, I've lost so much veight fighting this insidious foe that I >nly scale 203 pounds now. Almost any lay now I expect to fall over in my racks, because, in my condition, I can't :eep going." Tears were coursing down both our heeks now, as I looked at the ravages he struggle had imprinted upon his ountenance. Hair rapidly greying, only hree chins left, his corpulent front ex osure only a wisp of its former size. "Why don't you resign before your life s ruined ?" we asked him, overcome with he enormity of his plight. "I can't, I can't," he replied with a atch in his voice. "If I ever relax my old on the situation here, no one can ver find the key to its solution again. hy look at North Carolina, Pittsburg, nd all the rest of theu. We can't jet ur school drift into a fate worse than ridiron defeat." Lost in the fog of his reasoning, we ould only wait and weep. By this time he water was up to our knees. "Look at the pictures on the wall there. \h, them were the days. Them were the lays." As though rejuvenated by the ecollection of past things, his keyes oured anew anew as twin cataracts, and ve began to wish we could swim. "Nothing as vicious as subsidization vas allowed to soil the record of an nstitution when I was a student," Wily Villyam blubbered. "Then we played or the love of the game, now they play t cashing a check twice a month. By upiter! I'll do my best to keep it that 'ay, too. I mean the way it was." We nodded in complete acceptance of he Ilarthian doctrines, inwardly agree ig that he was a true son of old Jupi :r Pluvius. By now his outbursts had quieted down Continued down yonder WDINE TS most popular men. >e and plain le breasted and sport models. e- Tan Gray Colors >l material -- S 'ATUM CO. 22Zamto