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Life! *' Ht 3BKK Irvin Gooseberg, who is held for manslaughter in the local courts. It is held that Johney Simpleton recently laughed himself to death on reading Goosebergs hysterical map of Souse Carolina. Spring Provokes Crazy Outburst Spring is here in all its pristine beauty. With it comes the green freshness of growing things, and the panting zephyrs. All the grass is green, and the flowers are growing, and the soft breeze is trilling. It is trilling a dirge over the departed winter, it is trilling praises for the new sunny skies, it is trilling me because I don't have to wear an overcoat, it is trilling you because you can wear your new Spring overcoat. Spring has come. Spring will soon he gone, and in its place will be summer. Poets don't talk about summer uch because in that season they are always either drunk or lighting hangovers. Hut summer follows, Spring, if you don't believe it go look at your calender, or my calender, or any calender. u. s. o. Shady Scandal Scares Silly Lion Secretary (CONTINUED FROM PAGE SIX) "You're already the Belle of the party, aren't you?" the Sheriff demanded. Whereupon, Belle and the little girl went jauntily on their way down the old Ox road. Gentlemen, how far they went is not known. At the Coroner's inquest, the Body (Anybody) showed signs of plus and minus, which fact indicated that the accused had been guilty of UNNATURAL VICE to the extent of?(stopping at the crucial moment.) Whereupon the Judge waltzed merrily out on the roof garden, chanting, "Give em the woiks, boys, give him the woiks." The fact was revealed in the trial that the hair of the accused was pulled from the roots by the tiny twining fingers of the little chorine in her distress at not being allowed to twiddle her thumbs and brood. Belle took the sentence very quietly, his only words being, "God save the Queen." Whereupon the audience rose and shouted, "llcil Hitler." The little girl has been offered a long term contract by THE CAROLINIAN for a series of articles on her experiences to be written for and published in that magazine, soon (as not.) "Ring out, wild Belles"!!! Or what do you think. Or do you? U. 8. G. Pi Phis Harass With Final Smoker (CONTINUED FROM PAGE ONE) up permanent residence in the house were left homeless and were kindly taken to bed last by the neighboring Tri-Dolts. The following were taken in: Frost Walker, Henry Willard, Shay Hopkins, Bill Breeden, Dave Childs, and Ben Woodruff. v. m. a. Bo's Art Brawl Gets Big Boost (CONTINUED FROM PAGE ONE) plan to elect the queen of the ball by a lottery. Proccdes of the lottery, according to the plan announced by Bell would be used to build a swiining pool for the fish caught by Hyacynth Babcock three years ago The fish has been growing ever since' Babcock caught it and has completely outgrown its present quarters. Plans for the ball arc now completed and committees arc polishing up the details. Harold Moony is the chief polisher and has the brass rail under his careful supervision. Tuck "Baltimore" Bonn, commonly known, as the "common bond," is in charge of the program but members of the club are urging that students do not stay away from the ball just on that account. Miss Pants Dubosc and Little Ed Bowcn were suspended from the club recently when it had been learned that Cowry Wins Coveted N. R. A. Honor Tit] A trip to the nation's capital, with i expenses paid (by Julia Cowry), has be awarded Miss Julia Cowry who has jt been selected the University of Sou Carolina N. R. A. girl. In this instant Gentle Reader, N. R. A. stands f "national run around (arff, arflf, in t approved Popeye style). Miss Cowry was awarded this hoti because she changes her men (yes, men as often as a habitual smoker chang cigarettes. XJ. H. o. they had accepted bribes from Ii Koger and Bruce Littlejohn, studcn in the school of applied graft, t which they were induced to put tl names of a number of students that school on the invitation list f? the brawl. Evidence was brougl against the two by Miss Dotty Wi son who says that "lawyer is a ho rid word." Members of the first drinks con niittee for the ball are John Greg McMaster, Lucilla Mikell, and Julis Bolick. Members of the secot drinks committee arc Alys Whale J. L. Sims, and "The Monk" Aycoc Members of the third drinks commi tee are Margie Heise, Frank Hubbai and Marjorie Foster. After that tl faculty sponsors take charge and tin don't care how many you give then it. ii. o. Taker Found Low In Spirited Fra; (CONTINUED FROM PAGE ONE) "Move over, then" lie advisei lying down on the floor bcsici Labor, "I'm goin' to get drunk wit you." "Who, you? demanded Labo You can't get drunk. It ain't dig nified." "Ba-ba" said the Black Sheep < the faculty. What happened then is nc known. The reporter got drun too. ( * Racti< by ] WE>1 T v ma pressed b our factoi The to can buy. Expert purity all i manufact The fac Even the j When can be su rette mad In a le entist Si a* pure ( ? 1934. Licchtt 6c Myers To?a? \ Scouts Enfold le Teetotal Club aU CONTINUED FROM PAOB ONE) members and student leaders. King |?4 * ? Kyserling, student secretary of the ^ Y. M. C. A., stated informally that he "e> feared that the activities of the new group might keep the boys away 1C from their studies and might lead them into vicious habits of life, but Dean F. W. Bradley, faculty liberal agitator, and J. A. Chase, director of the Palmetto Players, said that they believed that the members of the group _ have been leading too studios a life ra and that the contacts and social life ts produced by the new organization >y will lead to a more well rounded life ie by the members. 111 The club has recently moved its headquarters to the University gymnasium and several of the men have 1 ~ been sleeping there. Men staying in r~ the gym are "Buzz" "Durham, "Son" Behling, "Hoole" Jones, Roy Powell, 1 ~ Heyward Clarkson, and "Speedy" [g in ' id y, I BMmb IvTOwIliW BjjBBHIWWBBH v h I >f -' ' k \ ' ' . VV;''" ' ' 1 sally untouche< bman hands 3 like you to see Chesterfields de. We know you'd be im?y the absolute cleanliness of ries. baccos are the best that money chemists test for cleanliness and materials used in any way in the lire of Chesterfield cigarettes, tories are modern throughout. lir is changed every 4J/2 minutes, you smoke a Chesterfield you re that there isn't a purer cigae. Iter to us an eminent sci~ ays:erChesterfields are just i as the water you drink." ~>es the cigarette the c zco Co. t TV Students Struggle For Rejuvenation Those mean old domitory girls are still complaining about the way they are nourished. This time they hold that the sweet little old unmarried lady who runs the cafeteria is not doing right by them on account of she has pets. Not the usual animal variety but something a bit dif Spears. Other members of the club are Archie "Sweet Child" Beattie, Gordon Kenna, Dessie Gilland, R. L. McNally, Boyce Graig, Batney Gaylc, Adrian Spears. The house mother for the group will be Mattie Mattison. The SILVER SLIPPER HOTEL MARION DINING AND DANCING <609 Sumter Warne WONDER SHOW C A TKIY TOAST THI WORLD IN DRAMA, Jj not.' SUPtlMI SINSATION Of THI 4 WONDI 11 RICARDO CORTIZ * DOIORIS Oil RIO * At II ond 5,000 In monaltr ? _________?? All Next Week ?ss 1 </Ci Inspectors examine Chesterfields as they come from the cigarette mating machines and throw out any imperfect cigarettes. ;terfi< that's MILDER igarette that TASl ferent, meaning of course the boys who j eat there. ! The girls are contemplating a strike j to rid themselves of this heavy burden J they have bourne so complainingly. . * Many Uniworstity students have j availed themselves, of the opportunity of J taking sdme special courses offered only J at Columbia Collitch, announced Jack J Chaste, U. S. C. power-behind-the-throne. ! "In fact," he stated, "these courses J seemed to be unusually popular." THE NEW DENTISTRY A Phase of Preventive Medicine College Men find in it unusual opportunities for a career Thb Harvard University Dental School offers a competent course of preparation for the dental profession. A "Class A" School Write for catalogue Lerty M. 8. Miner, D.M.D., M.D.. D?u Dept.37,18S Ltna?Md Ave., Bntit, Matt. r Bros' >f the century IONO A NI I AO OH TIR IN WAINII [INTUIT THI ONI AND ONLY SR BAR JOISON ? KAY riANCIS DICK POWIll taa All Next Week ?? I -/ garett ,.ot Item r dLd-l t:s better FREE! j We Will Give Every Student !; > *1 One Oo<^a-Oola Free Sunday ;! < i 11 ; i, APRIL FOOL !; I 'i FIVE POINTS DRUG Friday?Saturday Edward G. ROBINSON in "DARK HAZARD" Monday?Tuesday MUttJ Cfharlie^^^^^ ^a-ss^ MACK'S CTlJ W ^'Rhapsody in Fun" l Corrine Reynolds Ma F^^FAN DANCE On Screen Barbara j j "Gambling | es I A