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' """1 """ 1 The Horsedoctar ; ; Overhauled 1908 R. G. BELL, First Editor Published I day fray of almost every week duriug the college year by the Literary Sassieties of the University of South Carolina in conjunction with the School of Education Gazette Entered as low class matter at the postoffice at Columbia, S. C., November 20, 1908 Member of South Carolina College l'ress Association and National College Pref-s Association Subscription Kate?$2.00 |>er week, five cents per yeah. Circulation, pretty good. Advertising rates furnished if request is accompanied by $3 bribe and self-addressed, stamped envelop. Officers in basement of Extension Building tHazed in 1920). Vacated with this issue. Phone 8123?Extension 11. Executive Board Cy Knittwyt - Editor Joe E. Brown ----- Business Manager J. C. "Him" Sullivan - Managing Editor Two Buck Tim - - - - Circulation Manager associates Hilly Laval, Luke McOlukes, Willie Dean, and the Janitors of Tenements 7, 15, 20, and 28, Associate Editors; Uncle Fruit, Marshall Cantey, K. M. Kennedy and Marshall Williams, Associate Managing Editors. RKPORTOlUAL Mrs. Moon, News Editor; Oscar Keith, Sports Editor; Kemper Cooke, Alumni Editor; Sain Boudreaux, Fraternity Editor; J. Wylie Brown, Vespers Editor; Anion Harrelson, y. M. C. A. Editor; Roxanna, y. W. C. A. Editor. Earl Clary, Co-ed Editor; Nelson Fortson, Poetry Editor; Barney Early, Sorority Editor; (ice T. Daniel, Feature Editor. King Keyserling, Adolph Ochs, Cuiseppe Zangara, John Holt Culbert80ii, George A. Buchanan, Jr., and Beatrice Snipes, Assistants. BIZ/A ESS Noah Vail, Jesty James. L. T. "Jig-Saw" Baker, J. U. "Sashweiglit" Watts, Assistant Business Managers: B. Owens. Abie Bihari, Frankie DeMars, Jackie Chase, and ISumett Stonev, Assistant Circulation Managers. GRIPING FOR Negro Co-eds Higher pay for Athletes Lower pay for Professors Reduction in the niimher of class cuts allowed Recognition of Soviet Russia: Nepotism, Eristu, Nudism APRIL 1, 19133 ' Former Editor Goes Crazy H William Columbus (Billy Boy) Herbert, who a Hfew, and only a few, students will remember at tended this institution last year, was yesterday admitted to the State Hospital a raving maniac described as "in a dangerous state.'' And the 1 Horsed octor regrets that its manageiiient had something to do with Billy Boy's getting in this I condition. Quite innocently the editor asked Billy Boy to contribute material for this issue. Being I an obliging soul and having edited a paper of this I color before, he agreed. Taking his typewriter in , lap, he launched a story which in finished form was I quite mirth-provoking. Ilis next was funny but not so much as the first. The following story was lacking altogether in humor and the next would have been suitable for publication in the sanest daily. By this time, Herbert was frothing at the mouth. As humor had left him, so had his sense powers. The two were interchangeable in Herbert, hospital attaches said, and as he lost his sense of humor he lost also his power to think and reason. H The Ilorsedoctor regrets this error and takes this means of correcting it. U. 8. C. "G-ive Professors Fifteen Minutes," Say Students Out of ten students selected at random who were interviewed, all were of the opinion that professors should be given fifteen minutes to reach class instead of ten as is the custom at present. Those interviewed were Amon Harrelson, King Keyserling, Wysong Cox, Karl Clary, Freeman Huskey, Nelson Fortson, Sam Galloway. B. M. Ilavird, Joe Shinn and Joe Johnson. The interview was suggested by Anion Harrelson s action in reporting a class for leaving at nine and a half minutes after the hour. Dr. Murchison arrived at ten minutes after the hour to find that only Harrelson remained of the entire class. Brandishing his watch, Harrelson showed that the class had walked out too soon. "I tried to keep them here," he said, "but they wouldn't listen to me." Kather than hold a class with only one pupil in it, Dr. Murchison and Harrelson adjourned to the beer garden. Graduating i bet- \ . v-vHT> gBijv HHnl Mftfc IJK ft A. ml Reading from wrong to right: Standing; Blondie Air Robbingsome, Francis Cartwheel, Lawn Colt Culbertor Space, Jr., and All-in McDougall. "Bathing Suit, Spats For Me"? Williamson "Tuxedoes are luild to procure in these here hai times and I think a good stiff bosommed batliii suit accompanied by rose colored spats oughter 1 appropriate for any respectable dance," Leonai Williamson, president of the student body said a prepared speech before a meeting of the st dent body in the penthouse over Dr. Foster's offi yesterday. The tlorsedoctor commends the terse and wel phrased statement of Williamson's and stands b hind him to the last bit. This and similar ac have convinced the student body that its preside is a man of strong convictions worthy of a stude body like the University's which is also worthy < strong convictions lik- Williamson's which a also worthy of a student body like the Universit And the same vica versa. Other drastic changes were urged by Williar son. ''This student body ought to pay two ($2) dc lars instead of one for admission to the Carolin Clemson game and twice as much as the Clemst students to get into the fairgrounds (tremendoi applause). ' The number of cuts allowed ought to be reduc< to an irreducible minimum or lower. (Prolong* applause and whistling). ''What we need are fewer football players ar more marble shooters and fencers." Here the applause grew so deafening that T Foster came in and broke up the meeting, declarii he would continue to have good football playe brought to the University if it broke the athlet association and that the students would be a mitted free of charge to the Clemson-Carolii game or there would be 110 contest. lliose present at the meeting were Preside Williamson, Secretary Tooley Gressette and Jam II. Galloway. Galloway said he was in sympatl with 110 part of Williamson's speech but he fc good and wanted to aggrevate Dr. Foster so ] applauded whenever the occasion presented itsel Three hundred and fifty students were turn* away due to lack of seating arrangements. T1 meeting was scheduled for the chapel but Secreta] Gressette objected, declaring he would rather ha a full house in Dr. Foster's penthouse with son turned away than hold the meeting in the chapi which seats four hundred, and have fifty vaca seats. j U. 8. C. Too Many Tennis Courts There are many useless things at this instit I tion which would probably be done away wi were it not so well heeled financially but even the face of its wealth there is one item of expen which should be materially reduced. That ite pertains to tennis courts. About twice as mai courts exists as are needed. Walk about the car pus any afternoon and the reason becomes a parent at once. Where there formerly was a wai ing line of four persons to pay doubles there nc is only a waiting line of two who want to pli singles. Singles is a waste of time and mone Four benefit from doubles while only two bene from a singles match. Do away with half of t courts and students will have to play doubli llnis time and effort will be saved. If officials balk at ther idea of scrapping eight ten of the courts in' order to double the waitii line, the Horsedoctor suggests that those coui which are selected to be scrapped be equipped wi ping pong tables. Sixteen such tables could placed on each court and while students were wa ing 011 a court on which to play tennis they con amuse themselves and at the same time deri healthful exercise in a few games of ping por Students who do not know how to play ping poi could substitute tennis balls and recquet and pi I tennis on the tables. Class Of 1933 m | I . ; tjjn Bw JB \ nmond, Prances Paula Revere, Frostbitten Wilker, Win 1, Joke Miller, Sarah ("Pink") Pills, Philip Space, Phi Intellectual Sn Highbrow A highbrow party in honor of the intellectual snobs of the campus and their guests will be given in The Carolinian office Thursday night to celebrate the birth of the "Ave Literati", number. Admission will be by invitation only. A special numbered edition of 7 he Carolinian, limited to 25 autographed copies, will be given as souvenirs. The feature of the evening will be a drama dcpiciting the Rise, Fall, and Resurrection of the Soul of Man in Two Acts. Between the acts a delightful musical interlude will be presented by a group of the more aesthetically inclined artists. The following program has been arranged. "Serenade Melancolique" (Tschaikowsky), "Kovantchina" (Moussorgsky), "L'Amour de Trois Oranges" (Prokovieff), "Aragonaise" (Massenet), "Caro Mio Bene" (Giordani), and "Airs Russes? Souvenir de Moscou" (Wicniawski). Costumes for the production are being selected from the wardrobes of the Town Theater. After the literary part of the program, delightful refreshments will be enjoyed. MenuOyster Cocktail Pate de Foies Gras, Caviar, Hearts of Celery, Salted Almonds Tomato Consomme Rolls Butter Petits Pains Pommes de Terre Au Gratin McScissors Is ] Gamecock \ " H Oldest Student ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ | I This picture of Sidney Green, the ; oldest student at the University, was t taken at the end of his ninth year of college. Asked how long he had been ; in school, he replied: "I don't know, . I've lost track." Green matriculated ( five minutes before Jack Hall did. ! stand on Pulaski Street to the new loI cation. I - | THE STATE i GOOD PR] Schools, Coll< 5 1 We can pleasi Bindincj, Engraving : and Office Suppli t f ^ the State Printers,Sfoftone J G>I,um ^ We Print The Gamecock 1 L???_???_ obs Pitch ^mpus Party (Potatoes) Polls Verts (Green Peas) < Chicken a la Napoleon Filet Mignon Spumoni Gateaux Glaces (Cake) Demi-tasse (Coffee) In order that the affair may be intellectual as well as snobbish, the G>nimittee on Invitations deeply regrets having been forccd to deny admission to the following snobs: The Misses Faith Brewer of Charlotte, N. C., Eunice ' Stevenson of Nova Scotia and Columbia, Charlotte Coker of Bennettsville, Lavcrnc Hughes of Charleston, L'Artiguc Griffin of Columbia, Helen Terry of Columbia, Helen Middleton of Washington, D. C. Catherine Cathcart of Columbia, Elizabeth McDcarmon of Appomattox, Va., Susannah Barnwell of Florence, Jane Shaffer of Walterboro, Mary Furtick of Columbia, Lucy Oliver of Columbia, and Mary Lees Graham of Columbia. The Messrs. Boyce Craig of Columbia, J. C. Dowling of Brunson, Julian Bradshcr of Florence, Troy Stokes of Timmonsvillc, James E. Stroup of York, Alan Schafcr of Little Rock, Dwight Cathcart of Columbia, Frank Gibbcs of Columbia, Bob Coggeshall of DarlingJon, Sanders Guignard of Columbia, John L. Bowdcn of Hampton, Amon Harrelson of Mullins, and Charles T. Bruce of Columbia. Pleased As Vms 5th P lace ? Fifth place was awarded to the Gamecock of the University of South Carolina in the recent contest sponsored by the South Carolina College Press Association which met at Chicora College. The paper from Erskine College received first place and was particularly TIGER RAG CB i 11 Leverette, cousin to Oscar Oystere 11 e and nephew of Guiseppe Zangara, who edits the Clemson Tiger, which Bill Leverette failed to place in the college newspaper contest at all. Judges held that The Tiger was louzy per se and the editor was probably a cerebroarteriosclerosic, or he wouldn't have had the effrontery to enter his rag in the contest. congratulated for the large number of ads and jokes it contained. Riley Brown, Herbert Giles and Quietus Wardlaw, the representatives of the University publication were ejectcd from the convention hall for taking no part in the round table discussion. "I think it highly commendable of the Gamecock for achieving such an honor as fifth place considering the small amount of work and great amount of bulling that is done by the staff," said J. Rion McScissors, dean of the School of Jungleism at the University of South Carolina. The prize for the fifth place was a cocktail shaker hut the Carolina delegates immediately exchanged it for light globes and scissors and presented them as gifts to the School of Jungleism laboratory. BOOK STORE [NTING for scjes, Business s you in Printing, [j, Books, Stationcrij es. 1 COMPANY re,Office furniture BIA.S.C. Expert Fountain Pen Repairing ;d ''' Horse" * 7 ails :xl _ ip WHILE THERE'S LIFE? 1" A U- A recent development necessitated by qq the depression is the removal of the Tri Delts from their present club rooms on .. Green Street to the building known as " the Door of Hope. Another factor which '? brought about this changc was the girls' ts proximity to the Kappa Sigmas. Miss lit Lucy DuBose when questioned on the n J matter Was heard to remark, "Well, it , was the Kappa Sigs' fault, not. ours. 0 What's a poor girl to do ?" re y. REMOTE CONTROL? A story which originated on the Glee Club's trip to Chicago has just crept I back to these parts. It seems that during their concert in the Windy City the 1" I audience became very obstreperous and a- on occasion joined in the singing. The )n reason for this was that when the Carollg lina songbirds opened their mouths to yodel the auditorium was so filled with alcoholic fumes that the listeners were jel completely asphixiated. Jtl TOO MUCH? A recent graduate whose ability as a Id toper was tested and proved during his four years here, was up to his old tricks >r under a table at the Metro last Sunday night. He was weeping copiously and 0 lamenting his lost love. From his int? coherent babblings the following was ;ic pieced together. He had secured a posi(1 tion as Fuller Brush salesman in Savatinab and was working every other week so that he could drink during the intervening seven days. All was going well lit until he invited a lady to take up her es residence with him. For a while everyiy thing was lovely, then the lady became I peevish at his inability to sell enough brushes to buy more than a quart a day. ll? Finally she became so incensed that she If. bounced a can of pineapple off his crajd nium just to show how she felt on the lie matter. "If she just hadn't selected rv pineapple!" moaned our hero as lie sun I sided beneath the tablecloth. V.H.C lie LIGON SHOVELS DIRT? ;] I Mary Begg Ligon was seen the other nt (,a-v busily engaged in shoveling debris lout of the Carolinian office. A small group gathered around to watch Miss Ligon's labors, but few seemed desirous of assisting her. "What are you doing?" li_ she was asked. With a sigh she replied, til 1 m ,nerc'y Setting rid of all the dirt left over from last semester's Carolinian in and it's a job I'm loath to do." Many SC students shared her sentiments. ill jy ACQUIRING THE HABIT? ,1- The Sigma Nu's seem to be very fond of the pile of mats in the back of the P gym. At almost every dance one of their Lt- members is seen lying prone on them at >W one time or another during the evening. iy It's getting so they have to reserve redining space in advance and the waiting list is said to be very long. At the opening Damas one of their members set a "? record which the others have yet to equal es. lie slept on the mats from twelve o'clock until five-thirty in the morning and had to use a window to make his exit from 01 the building. At the last Social Cabinet ^8 brawl the chapter's lone football player 'ts did the honors. Such consistency is to be tJi applauded. jj? FABLE? There were once three little Beers 1(1 Mamma Beer, Pappa Beer, and Little ve Brown Beer. These three lived happily ig. in a keg and were content until one daj ng along came old Ciminc D. Penney, the av CampUS aut,lority on sPO"ges. Professor J Gimme saw the three Beers and they go! his dander up. "I'm a better sponge than any I can tell you about," shouted he as 11 he smacked his greedy lips. He grasped 11 the three Beers one after another and 1 zoop! there were no more Beers. He ?11 did the same for all the cousins and uncles and aunts of the three Beers and eventually declaimed, "'sail in the interesl I of sdiensh!" Suddenly he turneel grecr and disappeared around the nearest cor ner. Moral: Why try to bring bee* back! It will return of its own accord. INHUMAN? I Papers throughout the state reccntl} announced that the Furman authorities had decided to sever all relations bctweci the Furman boys and the Greenville Wo man s College girls. Here we wish to entei la protest. Things like that arc to busi ness of the school authorities; they hav< no right to break up families. Wha can you expect of the next generation il I their progenitors are to be separatee forcibly so early in life? SIGNS OF THE TIMES? Now that beer will soon be legal, man} students are rejoicing that now Rion Mc I Kissick and R. L. Meriwether will ne I longer have to practice their professioi I in secret. Plans are alreaely under waj dy I for the opening of their beer garelcn ii lip Flinn Ilall anel at present they are en . i | Kflgeel in moving their stock from the ol<