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HAD A KICK TO MAKE. .AND HE MADE IT RIGHT TO THE HEAD OF THE FIRM. The Kicker Went Ahout'Xandingr His Protest In a Rather I'nconventional I Manner, hat the Chances Are He . Got "What He "Was After. "Yes,"" said the tail, loose jointed man at the telephone, 4'that's the nnni terl want-229.1 ' "Double two nine'"' queried the Toice at the central office. ''Well I don't know that den ble two .nine is any better than the plain, or dinary two, two, niue, but if you insist cn that style suppose we say double two single nine and get it exactly right. Hello ! Is that Spotcash & Co. 's ?" "Yes," responded the voice at the other end of the wire. "Is Mr. Spotcash in?" - "Is it something important? He is much occupied. " "So am L Yes; it's a matter of some importance, and I wan i co talk to Mr. Spotcash personally. Yes; I'll hold the wire-that is, I'll hold the phone" "Hello!" snapped somebody at this junctura "Hello! Is that Mr, Spotcash?" "Yes. Whoisit?,w "Yon are the head of the firm of Spotcash & Ca, are you not?" "Yes," was the impatient answer. 'What do you want ? Who are you ?" "GwiTliams, 1195 Pumpernickel street I want to enter a complaint." "What about?" "I bought an icebox at your store a few days ago, and" "Call np the household goods depart ment, confound you ! I have no time to j spare to look after such things. " "You've got as much time, perhaps, as I have. I haven't any complaint to make to the household goods depart ment The head of the firm is the man I want to talk to. I bought an icebox at your store a few days ago for $16.75. I might have got it cheaper somewhere else, but that isn't the point. Having "bought it and paid for it, I had a right to expect it to be delivered within a reasonable time and in fair condition. It didn't come for four days, and when it did come77 "Say, you, I employ men to hear complaints of this kind" "I have no use for them You're the responsible man of the house. The sys tem is yours. If it doesn't work smooth ly, it is your fault When that icebox came four dnys after purchase, one of the castors was missing, the varnish was scraped off the outside surface in more than a dozen places, and it looked as if it had gone through a hard season at a cheap boarding house" "If there's anything wrong with it" roared Mr. Spotcash, "send it back 1 I can't take up my time" *'Stand a little farther away from the phone. Mr. Spotcash. Your voice sounds as if yon had your mouth full 'of mashed potatoes" "Who the devil are you?" "I think I gave you my name and address-Gwilliams, 1195 Pumpernickel street next door to Lazarus J. Spill horn. You don't know me from a staffed ' alligator, but you may have heard of Spillhorn. Don't you allow yourself to get hot. Mr. Spotcash, over sn icebox. The incongruity of sr.ch a thing onght to be apparent even to the head of an overgrown junkshop" "If von were here. sir. I should kick you out of my office" "You would probably need some help. . If that icebox had simply been defaced a little, I shouldn't have made any fuss : about it. but the stupid ass you sent to deliver it" "Haven't you sense enough, j'ou in fernal idiot, to know that I don't look personally after the little details of a business amounting to millions of dol lars a year?" "If you don't grasp every detail of that business, you Cheap John notion peddler in a gilt binding, you are not fit to be the boss of it! Don't try to crawl out of the responsibility by throwing the blame on some boy. If that icebox had simply been defaced a little. I repeat, I shouldn't hav made any russ about it. but the fellow you sent to deliver it didn't have any more -.sense than to tumble it on the side walk" "Bring it back, blank you"-? "Look here. Spotcash. that won't do. you know. You are not allowed to talk in that style over tne telephone. Exer cise a little common sense, Spotcash. You know it isn't my place to bring that icebox back. The proper thing to . do, you thirty-third degree haberdasher and toy vendor, is to send me a new icebox and take the damaged one back" "You blank foo!, do you think you | can tell me" "Again let me tell you, Spotcash, ! not to use such language over the tele- j phone. Some remete ancestor of yours | may possibly have been a gentleman. Try to emulate him. Spotcash. In the meantime please accept the assurances of my distinguished consideration, and j the icebox will remain in my dwelling I subject tc your order If it is replaced properly and within a reasonable time, I you will not hear from me again. If it \ isn't, I shall cali you up. Spotcash. per- j sonally a dozen times a day through all the public telephones in town. I have j not the patience to call at your store to j make the complaint Your system of j making exchanges is t<x> complicated, j and I believe in going to headquarters with ail kicks anyhow Never allow yourself to think, Spotcash. that you are too big a man to listen to a com plaint from your meanest customer. I think that's all. Good morning. Spot cash ! ''-Chicago Tribune als Generosity. Manager-(to actress, who has made a hit)-Bravo, my dear; VU raise your alary Actress-Oh, how good of you Manager (continuing)-On the four sheet posters, from $200 to .$300 per week; but, as this will involve a little printing bill, you will have to stand a small cut of $13 a week until further not ice." -Cleveland Leader. ELEPHANTS' TEIGES. HOW THE AWKWARD ANIMALS ARE TAUGHT TO PERFORM. Some Are Too Dall to Learn Any thing;. "While Others Are Quick to Catch an Idea - Forcible Method* tsed In Their Training. "Scores of people ask me everyday,'' said Keeper Snyder of the elephant house in Central park recently, "how anything so stupid looking and thick skinned as an elephant can be taught anything. I tell them all that elephants are not unlike children. SOTO are too I dull to learn anything, and others can catch an idea quickly. Tom," ho went on, pointing To the large elephant who was busily engaged in throwing hay on his back "although irascible indisposi tion, is quito intelligent. The first trick I taught him was to lie down. This was not so easy to accomplish as it might seem, for it took a block and fall at front and-rear, with a gang of 15 or 20 men at each end. I stood at one side, and as I said 'Get down!' his feet were drawn oui; from under him. This had to be'repeated only a few times be fore he learned what 'Get down' meant for him. "To teach him to stand on his hind feet and on his head a block and fall on a beam over his head, a snatch block i and two'dead men' in the floor and the ! services of another elephant were all ! required. As I saic 'Get upi' the ele- I phant in harness walked forward, and Tom's front feet went up, while his hind feet were chained together. When I said 'Stand on your head I' his front feet, which had been previously chain ed, remained on the floor, while his hind feet were drawn np nntil they al most literally 'kicked the beam.' "These were his first lessons. When he learned to dril! to 'right about, face,' and 'left about, face, ' I stood on one j side of him and another man on the other, and we each had a prod. As I commanded 'Right about, face!' he was pushed over to the right, and 'Left about, face!' he was prodded in that direction. I taught him to waltz in much the same way, only as we pushed him back and forth we made him go clear around, and now he is one of the best waltzers in the country. He learn ed to ring the bell and fan himself in one lesson. Both require the same mo tion, and they are really the same trick, although people never think of that. Yes, he knows which is which and never picks np the fan or napkin when I tell him to ring the bell I only had to put each, one at a time, in his trunk, and with the fan and bell I shook it and with the napkin wiped first one side of his mouth and then the other. He took to hand organ grinding like a Mulberry street Italian. It is one of his favorite tricks. "The elephant is the only animal whose legs all bend the same way. His hind legs bend in, and the position re quired for creeping is not very comfort able, but he does it as well as a baby. His. performances on the harmonica are the most surprising to onlookers, but the fact is that all the intelligence required for that is holding the instru ment As he must breathe through his trunk, every breath moves it back and forth. I discovered that he holds his breath when he stands on his hind legs by trying to get him to do that and play the harmonica at the same time, but his front feet are no sooner up than the sound ceases until they are dcywn again. "His tub is about 22 feet high, and it took me about an hour to get him to mount it the first time and as long to get him down from it once ho was up. I had finally to improvise a step from it before he would come down. He went right up again, however, and came down and repeated the movement sev eral times in the first lesson. Now he mounts it and stands on his hind feet his front feet, his side feet and waltzes and changes on it "People all seem to think that an ele phant has no sense of feeling because his skin is thick and coarse. The fact is j that his skin is as sensitive as a baby's, and if you tickle him with a straw you will find it out The feet of the ele phant have to be repaired frequently, for they aro as susceptible to corns and stone bruises as the feet of people, and they have to be cut and trimmed. You wouldn't think it, would you. that twice around Tom's front foot, when he is standing with his full weight upon it. is equal to his height ? It is true, j and it is a rule that seldom varies an j inch in any elephant "The African elephants have only four toes, and their ears are very large The Asiatic elephants have five toes, and their ears are smaller. There are few African elephants in this country -not moro than three or fonr. Not long ago, at an exhibition in this city, there was a skin of leather with small ears and comparatively fine texture (the hide from all elephants has too large j pores to make it of use), and it was | labeled, 'Hide from an African ele phant. ' People don't know anything j about them."-New York Post. Bathing; and Xose Blowing:. A number of people come home from i the seaside quite deaf, and very many, j if not deaf, are much harder of hearing j than when they left home. The cause ] of (his is blowing the nose after bath- ; mg. Of course ono blows Ins nose because there is some salt waler in it, wliich j makes him uncomfortable. This water he forces into the little eustachian tube | that runs from behind the nose to the ear. Here the waler remains fer davs, i and the particles d' salt set up inflam- j mation. The next ste} is that the eu- : stachlan tube gets blocked and remains more er 1<>SS s<> permanently, causing : partial deafness. You should always wait some time after your bath before blowing your nose, and then you should do it gently. What folly to proclaim a love for hu manity which no one has for the ma jority of individuals composing it! Conservative. ...... PAID BY UNCLE SAM. ! [ Some of the Odd I'xponses the Gov ernment Has to Hear. j ! Even* one knows that it costs almost : $400,000,000 a year to run the United j States government in times of peace j and that the department of war and i the navy, the Indian and pension l>u I roans absorb the larger part of this amount, but in the course jf years a large number of dependents upon- Un cle Sam's purse have come into being of which the general public knows lit I tlc. j Such, for example, aro the intema ! tiona! bureau for the repression of the j African slave trade, located at Kr s sels, a highly laudable institution, to j the expenses of which our government i contributes $100 a year; the interna- j tional bureau of weights and measures, j also at Brussels, to which $2,270 is con tributed, and the International Geodet ic association, the expenses of which our government shares to the extent of $1,500 yearly. As a leading member of a group of nations specially interested in humane and philanthropic work we subscribe $325 a year to a lighthouse service on the coast of Morocco, about $4,500 to be divided among citizens of , other lands for service rendered to ship wrecked American seamen, $500 a year toward maintaining a hospital for sail ors at Panama and $9,000 for keeping and feeding American convicts impris oned in foreign countries. Among the unfamiliar purposes in the home country for which money is appropriated from the federal treas ury is the maintenance of the Wash ington monument costing $11,520 an nually, and the provision of artificial limbs for soldiers calling for $547,000 a year.-Leslie's Weekly. DANGER IN CHEAP GLASSES. A Great Many Eye Ruined by At tempts at Economy. Looking back now to the time when the itinerant quack doctor and the wandering dentist spread misery and destruction over the land, we wonder at the ignorance or carelessness of our fathers in trusting their teeth or even their lives to hands so untrustworthy. A very similar thing is done today by people who buy spectacles or eyeglass es from men who sell them on the streets or hate their eyes fitted by op ticians who have no qualifications for doing the work. A surprising number of people buy their glasses from venders on the streets. They get glasses for 50 cents which seem TO them just as good as a pair they would pay $5 for having made on an oculist's prescription, and j they think they have saved money. Glasses acquired in all sorts of ways hy inheritance or exchange from a friend or even glasses found on the streets are used to the detriment, even to the destruction, of the wearer's sight "People seem to think glasses are like clothes." said an old oculist the other day. "aid if they are fairly com ! fortable and look well they ask no ! further questions." ; Another way in which people dam age their eyes is through carelessness in trying to remove dust or cinders from them. They try . themselves, a friend tries a rub. the nearest drug store and the nearest optician are call ed on, all before an oculist is consult ed. The result is that the eyeball is often badly cubbed and scraped, and in many instances permanent injury is done.-Xew York Evening Post One Child For Each Hour. Henry Bloch, a business man of P-rooklyn. ca's breakfast at half past Rosie, goes to breakfast at 15 minutes to Gabriel and retires for the night at Achilles. Mi*. Bloch has 12 children. 0 girls and 3 boys. Ile is fond of his family and in order that lie might al ways have them in mind had a watch made with the miniature photograph of one of the children m the place of each of the hours on its dial. Thus where the fic.rure 7 would be on an or dinary watch dial the pretty face of his daughter Rosie looks out The face of the boy Gabriel represents 1 o'clock, that of Freda 2 o'clock and so on around the dial. At his home Mr. Bloch has a large clock, on the dial of which the figures are represented in the same way. The Der con and the Prayer. "I didn't like your prayer very much this morning" said a fault finding dea con to his minister. "What was wrong with it?" "Well, in Hie first place, it was too long, and then I thought it contained two or three expressions that were un warranted." "I am very sorry it meets with your disapproval, deacon." the good man re sponded, "bi t you must bear in mind that the prayer was not addressed to you."-Ohio State Journal. A I*n>i Isn't Ilumoroi:*. She-How dare you say women have j no sense (.f humor? I know a girl wiio j can make lovely puns all tin- day long. He-What has that i< do with the' argument? -Indianapolis Journal. Love and Conce . "Aren't you miserable when we are separated, I arry?" "No: it makes mo happy to think how miserable you arc because I am net i with you/*-Chicago Record. For a Dall Ap pet ixe. "is that your fm lier's grindstone?** Yes. sir. He's a grinder and sharp ener." "Oh, lie is. is he? Wei!, can lie put I an edge rn dull appetite?" "Easy. sir. if you'li turn the stone." I -Cleveland Phi in Dealer. \o Longer De.Mirahle. "We shall not invite Mr. Towper to dinner again." "Does he tell old stories;" "No; but he has quit laughing at Henry's old stories."-Chicago Record. A. Sure Winner. A buzzard, who found a freshly killed hare and vras about to bear it away to a tree top TO be eaten at leisure, was addressed by a fox who caine running up with: "Ali, now. but I mistook you for the eagle and wanted a word with you." The buzz.-,rd was flattered and offered reynard the h<-ad of the hare. As she did so the wolf came up and observed: "Well, well, but who ever saw the buzzard looking so fierce and so proud as today? Really, now, but I took you for the condor." That tickled the buzzard again, and to show her.good will she divided the body of the liare with tho wolf. She had said that she must be off. when the jackal came trotting up and ex claimed: "Upon my word, but I must lui ve dust in my eyes. I was sure that my friend here was the ostrich, and I was going to ask her for a feather. Mrs. Buzzard, my compliments!'' The buzzard grinned and giggled and tried to look shy, and meanwhile the jackal ate up the other half of the hare. "Here-how's this-where's my part?" exclaimed the buzzard, as she got to see what had happened. "Oh. we took the meat and you have the taffy!" replied the jackal as he lick ed his chops and walked off. Moral-When craft will not avail and argument goes for naught, flattery will always win.-Buffalo News. Tlie Influence of the Flat. The flat has made its mark on the conditions of modern life. A good illus tration of this fact is the following story of a bright Kenwood j-oungster "going on G." The boy heard a visitor say to his grandmother, "Well, I sup pose you feel very proud these days, with three of your sons married and settled?" "Only two," corrected the boy, who was not supposed to understand any thing at all about the subject. Just ' J see what his idea was his grandmother and her visitor cross examined him. The conversation ran like this: "Why do you think only two are mar ried, John? There's your Uncle Jim he's one." "Yes ma'am. And he lives in a flat." "What's that got to do with it? And there's your Uncle Fred-he's two." "Yes ma'am. And he lives in a flat too." "Why, yes; certainly. And there's your own father-he's three." "Xo. ma'am," cried the youngster triumphantly. "My papa isn't married. I know he isn't 'cause he lives in a house."-Chicago Inter Ocean. Bear Baiting: In Olden Day . So popular was bul! baiting in x>lden days in England that riots followed the attempt to suppress it in the large towns. Bear baiting was more popular still, if that could be. In various places, Liverpool especially, it made part of the festivities at the election of the mayor, being held before his worship started for church. Ladies commonly attended in great numbers. There was a famous bear at Liverpool, which showed such grand sport in 17S2 that certain fair admirers presented it with a garland, decked it with ribbons and carried it to the theater, where a spe cial entertainment had been "com manded." which Bruin sat out in the front of their box. But of gossip about bull and bo~r baiting there is no end. Enthusiastic lovers of Shakespeare read with interest the petition of the royal bear warden, addressed TO Queen Elizabeth in l : .">. complaining that his licensed performances had been neg lected of late because every one went to the theater. Favor and Favour. Xow I am not going to argue about the matter, but it may interest the reader to know that the iirst canvass ing card which Mr. Gladstone ever is sued, when he was a young Tory can didate at Newark, was printed in this way: "Mr. Gladstone to solicit the favor of your vote and interest." So those misguided creatures who say that "favor" is a modern Ameri canism must explain how an ultra blue Oxford Tory, educated up to the eye brows, came to use that form of spell ing nearly 70 years ago.-London Leader. Pulsations of the Earth's Crust. A delicate instrument designed by Mr. Horace Darwin will indicate slow tilts and pulsations of the earth's crust of less than one three-hundredth fot a second, or an angle less than au inch in a thousand miles. It consists of a circular mirror suspended from brack ets by two wires of very unequal length. Slight tilting of the upright causes exaggerated motion of thc mir ror. The spot of reflected light will vary half an inch when a finger s laid on the support of the apparatus. Tlu- Cause. "Have you a last request to make?" i asked liv kins: of tho Cannibal islands. ! addressing the missionary. The latter glanced at his august maj- i esty <so called by reason of his sam- j m .-" attire), and replied:: ..Yes. Great One. When I left my na- i live heath. I promised to write t*.> a j brother in this line of wor and tell j him how I liked the country: If your 1 majesty pleases, I should like to write ! hin: a few words." The king reflected for a moment. "There can be no objection to that, so far as I can see. y.in may proceed/' The missionary's hands were untied, and there upon a piree ..j' bark lie in scribed the following words: Dear Friend-This i< a delightful country. There is but one objection i > i . and that, I fear, will account for the :.:<?: Chat 1 >'...: never sveyou j again; There i-; plenty ral here-but :' .. cook ing will kill :;:<?. Farewell. This being finished, the king directed hl< slaves to stir tin." caldron :in<l the 1 preparation of the meal proceeded. One way to hear a pin drop \s to heat it red hot and drop it into a keg of powder.-rhiladelphia Record. A Year's Interest. _ I Assistant Secretary Yanderiip bas ! i decided >o aoricipate t h s ioterest tor the \ ! cotiro fiscai year, tbs period coding ! j with Joly 1st, 1900 The ioterest due j j November 1st will bc paid in iuil with - ; j oat discount, but if holders of bonds ! wish to take advantage or the offer to anticipate interest due af. subsequent j dates, a discount at the rare of two- i tenths of one per cent a moarb will be I exacted. The amouri: of interest iduc ! from now until rho end of the fiscal ; I year is about 30,000,000 The pay I ment of tbi > amount wiil. it is believed j J be a relief of much importance to the j preseas stringent money situation ; white on the other hand, the discount ?SPil 1 be a saving of a iarge amouot to j the government. The treasury is io a l position to advance these ioterest. j payments without the least embarrass- j I ment. The interest due November 1, is j made up of the three per cent loan of! 1898, the fives of 1904, and the fours j of 1925. There is 1,600,660 coupoo interest which will be payable at ail sub-treasuries October 13 The books j for the registered bonds of 1904 and 1925 do not close uotii the fifth. The checks for the interest on these register- j ed bonds will be maiied October 25, and the checks for the ioterest on the registered 3's will be maiied October 26. The total prepayment of Novem ber interest is 4,363,244. Jj CUBAN OIL cures Cuts, Burns, Bruises, Rheuma tism and Sores. Price, 25 cts. Sold by Hngb8on-Ligon Co. There is a rubber demand now that is great. More is needed than is pro duced. It pays well to grow it, as it is worth 1 a poacd. The newspapers are now urgiog southern farmers to engage in its production, believiog that it is well adapted to climate and seii. It is of South American product aod a rubber-producing' orchard would pay the farmer well for the experiment and roil It is believed that Florida and Louistaoa particularly are excellently adapted to the prodaction of raw rub ber, it should be weli tested. Every new product helps. Judge Brazel La Place, 3 well known man in Louisiana, was killed at his plantation near La Place by a mob on Tuesday night. There has been a decrease in the number of yellow fever cases in Key West and New Orleans during the past few days . Rear Admiral Howison has been retired, and there has been a promo tion of officers as a result. The United States treasury will anticipate interest on ail U. S bonds for the fiscal year ending July 1st, 1900. Schley made his way to Sampson at the White house reception and cordially greeted him, shaking his hand A dispatch to the Pniledel phia Record tells how the real hero acted : "When Admiral*Schley appeared, according to etiquette. Sampson i ehouid have come forward to greet him, as Schley ranks him two num bers Instead of doing that, Sampan pushed himself back into a corner ! and endeavored to avoid recognizing j Schley. The latter, with a good natured emile on his face, threw naval traditions to the winds by himself bunting up Sampson, who was behind him. But Schley found it. He grasped it heartily and shook it, still with that smile. Sampson blushed a fur : as red.'; At a meeting of "the Tropical School of Medicine'' in London a doctor created a stir by saying that ?'Cholera was water borne, malaria mosquito borne and the plague rat borne " The presentire6 against these were "the teakettle, mosquito net and rat trap " If his vie vs are correct, the real trouble lies behind and are unreached They are to be avoided by exterminating the car riers of the disease germs Some horticulturists of Orlando. Fla., have been experimenting in producing seedless fruit, and are said to have succeeded in producing a few seedless peaches, which have a delicate flavor and are more luscious than the peach with the seed in it - mu Hi ^0^""~ The Bt i b foreign (mee report ha this to soy about our Southern cotton goode : "Of cheap cottOD . goods. 75 per cent come fr. m Gr; ar Britain ; ibero is no cbropeiitioo of any j consequence. Or' heavier goods, such KS dooks, driti^, sheetings, gray-?, ere , j the United States produces as cheap and a* good ao ar'iele, though oct so; advantageous on account af the awk ward widths aod set assortn:eot cf prices and patterns which American j firms say they cr.noot alter v New York. Ost. 13.-Fire today de*troyet: two four-story warehouses at thc foot of Forry-Seoood Street, Rrook Ivn, owred bv the But;h company, limited, and 18,000 bains of octtoD which were stored in it.. Loss will be 500.000, principally OD tbe cotton, wbich was well insured. ^5 CUBAN RELIEF cures Colic, J V Neuralgia und Toothache in five minutes. Sour Stomach and Summer Complaints. Price. 25c. Sold bj Hogbson-LigDn Co. (richman mw .Southron SUMTES WATCHMAN, Established April, 1850. 'Be Just and Fear not-Let all the Ends thou Aims't at, be thy Country's, thy God's and Truth's.' THE TRUE SOUTHRON, Established Jnoe, JSftS Consolidated Aug. % ISSI. SUMTER S. C., WEDNESDAY, MAY 17.1899. New Series-ToL XTIII. No. 42