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8p«oiaI "BMOMte 1. la wtM«totUidim ahraya ghw your aamaad FmAoOw Aoaid bewritUa aa HpataM abMta, and tba object of moo ekarfyindloatad by aecaaMry not* wkea 1 ArUflUa far pablieation aboald W vrltfas ia a olaar, faglbla haad, aad oa only om ride of the page. 4, AH ebaagaa !a ad?artisamMta aatt ♦acb oa oa Frkdy. VOL. VII. NO. 23. BARNWELL. 0. H., S. O., THURSDAY, MARCH 13. 1884. D&JBAM WHILE YOU MAY. While the moonbeam* bright are peeping Through the ivy-eartained pane Ry their mellow radiance steeping Every object in the lane With a silvery gray. Dream on, darling? While thon’rt sleeping, Angels pure and bright Aronnd your cot their watch are keeping Through the silent night; Then dream on while you may. Ah 1 too soon will come the waking From the dreams of childhood’s days ; Clouds the fair horison breaking Boon will meet thy youthful gaze Aa you wend life’s way. Soon thy heart will feel the aching That no joy can kill or calm ; Cherished hopes their leave be taking, Hopes that never could bring balm, Then dream on while you may. Boon the hours of childhood flying, From your transient dreams you’ll wake, And the sound of sobs and sighing On your youthful years will break, Aa from day to day Ton will try—but vain the trying— To find that bliss no one can know; For grief ia living, joy is dying, In this weary world of woe ; „ Then dream on while you may. Jcvnn M’CaaTHT. TOO _LA.TE(. "Ia there a letter for me to-day ?” What a pale face, and, withal, what a pretty one ! Pretty, although the bright eyea were languid and had lost their aparkle; pretty, though there were wrinkle* in the white forehead—wrinkles not wrought by time, but stamped there by grief and sorrow. Grief and sorrow, I said. 8611, it would be more correct to say that hope and patient waiting had made pretty Alice Werder old, although not more than twenty summers had passed over her in nocent head. "Ia there a letter tor me to-day ?” A dark fluah overspread the pale fore head aad blanched features, a sudden brightness oame into the drooping eyea, and they became suffused with tears. What a tremor passed through the wasted form 1 How the weak voice trembled between hope and despair 1 The old postmaster took up a packet of letters and slowly looked them over, ss he slwsys did when Alice aeked this question. He well knew there wss no letter for her, but it was so hard to say the little word that would send her away with an added weight of disappointment For six months past she bad come, day after day, in sunshine and storm, always with the same question on her lips, and always receiving the same negative reply. "la there a letter for me to-day ?” Poor Alice Werder I When, two years before, the vivacious and scheming Hugo Werder led her to the altar, the people said the young ne’er-do-well wa^ only after her money, and when he had secured that he would neglect the sweet, trusting girl, and would live merely for his own pfaMML - Hugo Werder was poor—Alice, an or phan and comparatively wealthy. Hugo, after their marriage, allowed himself to be drawn into unfortunate speculations and lost everything; but his hopeful little wife only said: "Never mind, Hugo, be comforted; we will come through all right. Why, you know we can work. ’V And the kissed him and smiled as happily as she had done a year before, when, with joyful countenance, she arid: "Hugo, I am yours. But poverty is bitter, end the suduc- tivenry of “gold ! gold I” oame from the fsr-off shores of America—from the mines of California, and thither Hugo repaired. Every one said he would desert hie young wife and child. All agreed that whatever he might do he was at heart a villain. Everybody said this, and every body believed it, save Alice. She alone dieooontenaneed the dark predictions so freely made against Hugo; she alone dis believed the ealumny heaped upon him from all sides. Alice slowly, despondently, tamed her beak upon the poet office. Bat this was nothing new; a hundred tunes she ha£ gone away from the plaee with the same expression of deep despair on her pale, sorrowful face. Poor Alice t She was so weak and tired. Bat what mattered that ? Who oared for her ? • • a * a "Are you writing home ?” asked Rich aid Sommer. Hugo Werder yawAd, wiped his pen and slowly answered, "Tee.” "To your precious little wife, 1 sup poaeT “Ym," "How often have you written that faithful little one rinse you are barer Hugo waa startled at this sodden ques tion, and as ha hung his head a crimson blush oame brio hie face, and he falter- ingly replied: "I am ashamed to ariranwledgs that "The first time T eried Us astounded cwpawirei. "The first time I This is shameful, insnousabla fa you r •T would not haws aonfemsd it to any one hut you,” answered Werder. "I will tell you hew it came to be so: When I lint oame ham I had so much to do, and I have a dislike for latter-writiag, so I put it off from day to day, weak after week, until) was realty ashamed to write without sending aoaaathing with far you know aha had not aL 1 to pay the, baker and "But did you not at a single stroke make *2.000 r "Tea, yea, I know it wall. I am a wretch 1 As you say, I had 92,000, but In one night it was all gone again. I in tended writing Alice the day after my anceeaa, bat that night I passed s gam bling-house. I turned back and entered it, I drank, played, lost, and waa again beggared. Should I have written her an empty letter then, after having spent six months without sending her a angle dollar? Bo I have waited and waited till now. But when she gets this letter she will be $100 richer, poor little girl, and then she will forgive all my neglect I know that well, beforehand.” "She should forgive you nothing, Hugo,” said his companion. "Ah, yea I I deserve no forgiveness, but Alice ia a dear, loving little darling, and so true, that I know the will over look all my shortcomings.” "Mrs. Alice Werder.” The postmark was California, aad the address was in Hugo’s well-known hautl writing. Was it possible! The little postmaster read a <1 re-read the superacription. Surely thw was uo mistake. The letter had come at last! "Oh, how glad she will be! How her tender eyes will sparkle I It is worth money to be able to give her this letter,” said the old postmaster to his wife. "Poor child 1” "Pom: child, indeed,” repeated the wife, as she caught the stitch she had dropped. "I am getting so blind,” waa her murmured explanation. Bnt I should not wonder if heartfelt tears had caused the sadden “blindness” of the good, sympathising old soul, "I cannot imagine why she does not oame to-day,” remarked the little old man, when the afternoon had slowly passed and evening was setting in "Taks the letter to her, Sophie. Poor thing, perhaps her child ia too sick for her to leave it.” "My rheumatism makes it so hard for me to go oat. I will take care of things here, and go yon—it ia but a few steps to her house.” “Well, then, When I have closed the postoffloe, if she does not come befor&, I will go,” wss the old man’s answer. “Go rather at onoe,” continued his Wife. "The thought of the poor, young thing makes me sorrowful How strange ■he looked vesterdav when she askee’ if you were sore there was no letter for her, and when yon asked about her child how strangely she answered: 'It is not very well to-day, bnt I guess it will be better fcMnorrow,' and how sadly she laid her hand upon her heart, aa though it hurt her there.” "Tea, yes; poor thing 1” wss the old man’s only re»»lv. Rap 1 Rap I Rap I The wind softly fluttered the dewy leaves of the bushes about the little home; the stars oame out in the blue heavens; the moon looked down with a pale, calm, gloomy face upon the little old postmaster aa he stood silently waiting at Alice Werder’s door. Rap! rap! rap 1 But still no answer oame. "Sorely she cannot yet be sleeping,” thought the old man. * But ah, Alioe was sleeping. Heaven had called her—those who sleep aa she slept never awake again on earth. This life was too hard for her. Ah, Alice, with your dead child on your breast— ah, Aboe, could you bat here hoped a •ingle day longer I -• * * v * * * "A letter for me?” waa the question of Hugo Werder. "A strange hand-writing. Hr. j my own letter and two looks of light, silken hair t What does this signify ?” Hugo Warder's face grew deathly white, and his hand trembled, aa with the palsy, aa he read this letter, written in the unsteady hand of the old post master: "Inclosed is returned your letter. It came too late—they are both dead. May Heaven forgive yon ; your neglect has killed them. Here ia a look of your wife's hair and one of her child’s. They both sleep in one grave. Again, may Heaven forgive yon. Ah, had your let ter come one day sooner, or had Alice honed for one day more 1” A Case of Contempt. Senator Vanoetella this story: "Whet. Judge Tourpee wps on the bench in North Carolina, an old chum of his was brought before him on some trifling charge. During the trial the prisoner said something that highly displeased his honor. "Do you msan, 0 sternly said the Judge, "to bring this court into contempt ?” The prisoner smiled and ■aid: “Judge, you haws kupun me for many years, aad we have bean Mends, haven't we?” "That is a faet,” said the Judge. "Too would do me a favor within reason, even now, would you notr "Very likely,” responded hfa Honor, all graoioasneas and good humor, "but what fa itr "Well, retorted the scamp, "do not pceas me too hard on the point of contempt this morning I” — —-V, "Mms Gnaw,” said a Fort Wayne lady to another during a raesnteaU, "why don't you join the Daughters of Tempemnee ?” "Cause.” "Cause why?* “Why—why—” was the blushing re ply, "I intend to join one of the sou in a CAPTAIN MARY MILLER. MHE " IIANDI.RB A BOAT AH WB1.I. A9 ANY MAN ON THB KIVBK.” What A LaSy MtaaaiSaat ( aptaia ha* t* _ Nay ai liar Praleaalaa. Mrs. Miller, the New Orleans female steamboat captain, is a trim, bonny lit tle woman, whom nobody would credit with yean enough to be the mother, as she is,of a family of four children, two of whom are almost grown. "I come of a steamboat family,” said the lady; "my father waa a steamboat- man, and after I married Captain Miller that was seventeen years ago—I of course spent much of my time on the river. We have a beautiful home at Louisville, and my little ones are all there now, bnt for the past four years I have been living mainly on a boat. My husband used to do nothing but pilot, and I spent much of my time in the pilot house and learned to manage a boat and how to navigate certain rivers, in ipite of myself. "I learned to handel a boat aa well aa any man on the river, and several years ago I had occasion to test my ability. Onoe my husband fell ill with fever and we had a ran of half a hundred miles to make, with several landings, in a very crooked bayou. I took the boat's wheel and got through all right, although you would have laughed over the amaze ment of the natives to see s woman piloting. Several years ago we had to go and take off loaded bargee from a boat stack on a sandbar above Cairo. My hus band had to leave oar boat and remain cm the other, which was leaking badly, and so I took the deck, had the barges made fast to os, turned the boat (round •nd earned her down to Cairo. Captain Cannon said then I had as good a right to a captain’s license as any man on the river. "1 manage all the money matters. When we are up in the parishes I bay and load the boat with oottonseed, which bay after inspecting samples, and bring to New Orleans and aell out to merchants. We carry other freight, of course, and I bay all the boat’s provis ions, and provisions also to sell to the plantation hands np in the country. Then 1 do all the collecting and bank ing business. At first the merchants thought it odd to see a woman oome in collecting, but I have never yet been treated with anything bnt courtesy and kindness; and, besides, they never hal loo oat to me to ‘call again,’ aa they might to a man. "I shall keep on just as I am moving, exoept that I shall be oftener on deck and looking alter the boat when she lands and puts freight off or on. I wanted a license because I had earned it and wished to undertake when neces sary the free duties of a steamboat cap- fafal. . , ~ "You must not think my life has been eventful. We have never had any acci dents happen to ns since we have been n the river, and I am not afraid of any. Oars is a thousand-mile trip, and I sew, read, write to the children, make out bills, and take the deck when necessary. Not many boats take our route. It ia through a beautiful hilly country, and the people we meet at landings all know me. Most of them call me Captain Mil ler, already. "Steamboating was forced on me, and the happiest thing it has taught me is that whaler ft man may learn to do, a woman may also, provided it ia not a question of muscle.*’ How They Met Mr. Lincoln. PANICS IN RELIGION. Rtwr Dr. Csllrrr the Harm Das* Kalthleea Mea la (he Chareh. av On the Fourth of July, 1861, four of the young fellows of Company E, Third Michigan infantry, of whom I was one, were strolling up the Potomac river road when we met a large cab driving toward the city. Two colored men sat on the driver’s seat, in suits of dark bine with large plain brass battens and ping hats. One of the boys remarked: " They think they are some, don't they? Let’s have some fun with them.” All agreed, and aa they oame up we kept the road. So did they. The team oame to a halt and a voice from the cab said: " What’s wap ted ?” and when we looked that way their was a silver-haired man looking out the door. We told him we wanted to take a ride with him to Washington to see Old Abe. Thereupon he stepped out of the carriage, saying: "Didn’t you ever see him ?” and waa followed by an other man, and then another, until four men stood in front of us boys. I had only noticed that they were fine-looking men, when the first one said: " Soldiers, I introduce you to the President of the United States; also the Hon. E. ML Stanton, secretary of war; the Hon. Wm. Seward, and myself, the Hon. Gideon Welles.” The President stepped forward, shook hands with us and laughed at the joke; but our situation waa beyond the langhing point, and soon there were four silly-looking fel lows going for camp at quick-step gate. I notice, said Rev. Dr. Collyar, in his sermon Sunday morning, that when I talk with those who watch the world’s great markets they say that when there is an ever-growing fever in the centers of business, if this continues wo are going to have a panic. And 1 answer "God forbid,” for I know of but few things in this world and life of ours so cruel and ruthless as a panic, or that takes the manhood so completely out of men, leaving only a mob of poltroons and monsters. It makes no matter what form the evil and ugly thing may take, in a public hall or theater or in a church' where men go to worship God or in Wall street; and it is no matter what our conduct may have been down to the day when we were confronted in a moment by this last and moat terrible test of our manhood. If we have lost on that day the quality Herbert Spencer insists on ss one of the choicest blessings we can possees—"the supremacy of self-control” it is all over with us the rest of our lives. I notice that my brethren in their con ferences deplore the deadneas in their churches. I do not wonder at this, but do wonder a little that they should even by inference lay ths blame on God and talk as if they believed with the priests of Baal that He was asleep i^ lis heavens or had gone on a journey, leoause if they only look deeper they will see that the whole trouble lies with the Christians themselves. I venture to observe, but with no mean spirit, God knows, that the moet cruel and ruthless blows ever struck against our common faith have been made, not by men like Robert Ingersoll, but by dea cons of good standing in their churches and prominent persona in Christian as sociations. Where men I will not name do things I will not name under the mask of religion—the safest mask I mow of—it is no wonder so many should go apart and say if this is the fruit I do not believe in the tree. No wonder that so many should leave the churches and that we should have what we may call a religious panic. And when this panic occurs no words of mine or of any one else can estimate the damage it does to the world ; for it means that men throw aside all religion, all moral ity, all that is really precious in this life. But such panics and desertions from re ligion will invariably take place when we see unworthy men who have no real re- igioua life in them assume the high places in Christian councils. A Story of General Scotr. A young lady while visiting at Jack sonville, Florida, painted a plaque, which, she remarked to a Mend, she would have to sand to Boston to be "fired,” aa thsee waa no place in the vicinity of 'Jacksonville where .such work eon id be dose. Said the gentle man friend: "If you think these isn’t any place for firing ahina in this town, you’d better take a look at Henry Park* ex’* back yard.” Far the Better of Shlppiag. The Senate Committee on Commerce authoriaed Senator Frye to report to the 1 Senate farpasaage a new bill for the re lief of American shipping. This meas ure has been prepared by the committee m a aubetitute for all the various bills heretofore referred to it on the same general sabjeot. Its main features are aa follows: It grants authority, under certain oir- oumstanoee, for American vessels to em ploy any officer, other than a captain, of \ foreign birth. The prohibition of the payment of advance wages under heavy penalties is extended to foreign as well as American vessels. A modification is made of the law respecting three moo ths’ extra wagea, repealing it in certain case: and in others limiting it to one me nth Sections 4,585, 4,586 and 4,587 Re rise 1 Statutes, relating to the assessmeo t ai^l collection of a hospital tax for tbe sex- men, are to be repealed, and in their place it is provided that hereafter the marine hospitals shall be maintained at the expense of the United States. The bill farther provides that all irti- cles of foreign prodnotion may be with drawn from bonded warehouses for the supply of vessels engaged in foreign trade, including trade between the At lantic and the Pacific porta of the Uni ted States, free of duty. A drawback of ninety per cent is al lowed on imported materials used in the construction of vessels built in thik country for foreign account, whether such vessels are built wholly or only in part of foreign materials. Under existing law the drawback is applicable only to vessels built entirely of foreign materials. The indhridnal liability of a shipowner is to be limited to the proportion of any debts or liabilities that his individual share of the vessel bears to the whole, and the aggregate liabilities of all the owners of a vessel shall not exceed the value of such vessel and pending freight. A Veteran Ship Captain. (JUAKER CITY HUMOR. A FEW THIN«* ACCIDBNTAI.I.YOVRR. It BAKU BY TUB “BY BNINU CA I.I..” PATRIOTISM. Ethel—"Isn’t thia funny?” Mabel—"What, dear?" Ethel—“Thia in the paper about kiss- M Mabel—"I did not see it.” Ethel—“Why, Dr. Deems says that kissing ia ’a purely American habit.’” “Mabel- -"Oh I how glorious it is to be bom an American."— in HS BAD BNOUOH. "How much are them a quart?” a countryman asked as be picked up a strawberry from in front of a fruit store on Chestnut street and swallowed it "Fifty cents a piece.” "What?" shouted the countryman. "Fifty cents a piece. Try another; they’re nice and freah." "No," he replied, as he handed over half a dollar, "I’ve had all the atraw- betries I want” ta JUKFBD. Mrs. D.—“What a wonderful juspm' the puma ia 1” Mr. D.—“What have yon found now?” Mm, D.—“Here is an item whieh say* that 'a puma in the Blue mown tains re cently jumped 40 feet’" -j Mr. D.—“Poor fellow 1 I can sympa thize with him.” Mm. D.—"How is that?” Mr. D.—"Most likely the luckless animal was searching for paregorio ia the dark and stepped on a tack." A Washington correspondent tells the following story of General Winfield Soott: While he was still at the head of tbe army, with his office on Seventeenth street, just opposite the war department, he was coming out one day teenier his carriage, cane in hand. A volunteer or derly, who knew nothing of Soott’s views of military propriety, approached him with a letter from a war department bureau, which he had been directed to deliver to General Soott at once. The orderly, recking nothing of adjutants general or chiefs of staff, interpreted his order literally, and hastily giving a careless salute, began: "Oh, general, here’s a paper I want yon to look at before you ” For a moment the proud oommander- in-chief seemed petrified. Then raising his cane, he said in a load voice: “Clear out, air; dear out of the way.” The startled orderly sprang to (me side, and the general got into his carriage and was driven away. The soldier then de livered his letter to some one in the office and walked slowly oat. General Soott's carriage had net gone thirty rods before it stopped and turned about. The driver, raising his voice, summoned-, the offending orderly to the door. Trembling in every limb, cap in hand, he ap proached. General Soott asked his .name and regiment He gave them. "Well, sir,” said the general, "report to your colonel that you were guilty of groaa diareapeot to Genasal Soott aa an officer, and that General Scott was guilty of gross disrespect to you aa a man. General Soott begs your pardon. Go to your duty, sir. " A Publisher's Experience. It is an experience of publishers that too many people are apt to think it mat ters bnt little whether the newspaper bill • paid promptly or not, that it ia a small ram and is of but little consequence. This is not beoanse subscribers are un willing to pay, bnt rather beoanse they are negligent. Each one imagines be cause his year’s indebtedness smounts to so small a sum the publisher cannot be much in want of it, without for a moment thinking that the income of a newspaper is made up of just such small amounts, and that the aggregate of all subscriptions is by no means inconsider able sums of money, without which pub Ushers could not coutinne to issue their paper. The proper way ia to always pay in advance —GIom FeUU Republican. Gapt. Leonard D. Shaw, one of the old-time American ship commanders, died in New York a few days ago. Gapt. Shaw was l>orn in Portland, Me., on Jan. 20, 1804. He was on the United States ship Enterprise in her bat tle with the British sloop-of-war Boxer, and was for years noted as a most prom inent American ship captain. One of the Oapt&in’s peculiarities wss that, in deference to his wife’s religious views, he would never sail oat of port ou Sun day. During the fifties he wss once strongly tempted to break this rule, there being two other vessels bound to the same port in Cuba that he waa chartered for. He yielded to his wife, however. His vessel was the only one of the three that reached port. The other two were oaught in a cyclone, the edge of which only served to help him on his way, while the centre swallowed the other two. He was, nevertheless, wrecked several times. Onoe, when bound home from Maracaibo, his vessel foundered. As she was going down the crew got the long boat over tbe side and began to lower a barrel of water into it The tackle gave way and the barrel went through the bottom of the boat. A raft hastily constructed, but when ibis done the hull was so full of water that no provision* could be hoisted out Gapt Shaw dived down into the galley, however, and brought out a four-pound piece of pork. With this the crew, seven in all, embarked. In three days three died of exhaustion and one leaped over board, being erased by his sufferings^.- The survivors were picked up next day by a schooner that carried several can nons and a large crew heavily a> med. The Oaptain of the schooner matte the survivors take an oath that they would not give any information about tbe ves sel that saved them, and landed them on the south coast of Cuba. This was in 1841. Examining a Bank. The Manchester (N. H.) Union tells a very interesting story of a bright tittle girl of 7, who walked into the Merrimao savings bank and asked, with what seemed to be childish cariosity, to see the bank. The treasurer, with com mendable kindness of heart, asked her to-etep behind the counter, and showed her all the money, including that in the vault Suddenly she stopped, and lock ing up into the treasurer’s face, said: "Well, I believe it’s all right” "What in nil right?” queried the official. "Why, the bank ia all right,” she said, and then continued: "Mr. Bank man, my name ia Amy Bell, and nty papa pat 95 into this savings bank for me the other day, and I wanted to see what kind of a place it was. I never waa in a bank before.” The gentleman assured her thst the money was safe, and after ask ing afew childish questions she departed, feeling settled in her young mind oob- corning the custody of her money. What ia quite as interesting as tbe story is the notion the Union seems to have that the' examination which the little girl made waa a childish proceeding. Everybody at all familiar with the his tory of bank failures in New England elsewhere will see at a glance that the child’s examination waa of precisely RATHER TOO TOtJNQ. "Papa,” said a little boy at breakfast, "yesterday, at school, the teacher read something from a book called 'Tbe Au tocrat at the Breakfast Table.’ What does it mean ?” "You. are rather too young yet, my eon,” replied the old man, as he helped himeelf to the top buckwheat oake and smothered it with the cream intended for his wife’s coffee, "to understand such matters.” A STRANOF. ARREST. “You say the officer arrested you while you were quietly minding your own business ?” “Yes, your honor. He caught me suddenly by the coat collar and threat ened to strike me with hii club unless I accompanied him to the station house.’' “Yon were quietly attending to your own business; making no noise or dis turbance of any kind ?” “None whatever, sir.” “It seems very strange. What ia your business?” “I’m a burglar.” Gnatomer—"Business to brightening np some, isn’t it?” Jobber in Brooms—"I should Bay so. Sold 20,000 brooms this week.” Gustomer—"Wheredid they goto? Jobber—"All over the country. We get orders from everywhere. One small town bought 2,000 for Ito atieit fitaaiMl.” Customer—"Did you aell any to the Philadelphia Highway Department f’ Jobber—"Oh, yes, one; and they promtoed to call next year aad bay another.” WOULD NOT DO. First Railroad Man—"What do you think of the new patent ‘railroad tattler,' which registers the speed of trains ?” Second Railroad Man—"I have had some experience with it, and think II may do for through express trains.” First R. M.—"Have you tried It on accommodation trains?” Second R. M.—“Yes, but it did net give satisfaction. Long before we reached the end of the fire! trip t)» ap paratus ceased regtotering.” First R M.—"Indeed 1 What stopped it from working?” Second R. M.—"Rost.” HOTHINO REMARKABLE. Mr. D. (reading)—"A single mahog any tree has been known to bring $5,000 when cut up into veneers.” Mrs. D.—“Whatof it?” Mr. D.—"What of it? Do you not think that fact very remarkable ?” Mrs. D.—"No; it is nothing extraor dinary. We have done better than that with much less material.” Mr. D.—"How do you meanl” Mrs. D.—"You rcmemlier our last church festival ?” Mr. D.—“Yea.” Mrs. D.—"Well, a' single oyster brought us in 96.000.” "See here, sir,” said a philanthropist to a seedy-looking tramp, “thia to the third time you have aeked ffix help this week.” "I know It.” "There to no need of any < so low down as you seem to 1 I waa careful early in life to 1 thing laid by for a rainy dag. I don’t see why other people cant do the aams thing and live within their means.” "It to easy soough to Arise people to five within their mesne," replied the tramp, "but ths trouble to to find the means to live within. That’s what I am after now.” He got another dollar. A REMEDY. Mm. Sosntdiet (boarding • hones keeper)—"You do not look very well, Mr. Slim; I am afraid you keep too late hours.” Mr. Slim (boarder)—"I was out a little late last night, bnt usually am in. pretty early.” Mm. Beantdiet—“You ought to take a tonic of some kind, Here, for Instance, is an advertisement of Dr. Cure-All’a Litters, said to be a remedy for tbe 'tired, sinking, empty feeling’ that some people experience. Do you ever Lave that ?” Mr. Slim—"Yes, three times a day— fter everv meal.” v '* A TYPOGRAPHICAL MXBTAKB. "Yes,” said a shabby dressed “printer* (ometimte make vmy bad blunders. It to to a typographies! mis take that I owe my present oonditfaa of poverty." "How can that be?” he was i "It was some yearn ago,” ha "I had just embarked in the patent mad idne business, having dtoeoretud a wow* derful remedy for general debility sad that sort of thing. I < ttoement to be inserted in a 1 paper, with the fore and after taking,’ but I uarer sold a bottle of the medicine, aad in two weeks from tbe date of the first adver- ttoement the whole buainem waa in the " Well, wb»i bad a typograpUaal ereor to do with your failure?” "The printer got the words ‘before’ and 'after’ transposed, and I didn’t no tice the mistake.” well be aome- to lean that the mem bers of the Freoeh deputation of work men recently here ere telling their fellow countrymen that, our laboring clamaa tbe same searching and exhaustive char kyoder and hare imd tom liberty than those of comforts aeter ee that which directors and bank A HUMANE ACT. Western Railroad Superintendent—“1 want yon to get np some sort of signal arrangement so that brakemen on freight trains will be warned of the near ness of cross-track bridges in time to duck their heads.” Assistant—“You mean the bridges which carry the wagon roads over oar track, of course.” Superintendent—‘ ‘Certainly. ” Assistant—"It to very humane of yoo to take such a step, as it will save the lives of many brakemen.” Superintendent—"To tell the tenth, I was not looking at the mattes in just that light. Yon know the law compels ns to build those bridges ourselves to avoid crowing at grade, and wq run them np just aa cheap as possible.” Assistant—"Yea.” Superintendent—“Well, I don’t want those bridges knocked over.” NO REN8E or HUMOR. A gentleman in a street oar, while rending a newspaper, discovered a par agraph that struck him as particularly fanny. "Here is something good,” iiEsaidf to his neighbor, and be read the item to him.' A tired look swept over the gentle- man’sfaoe, but he never smih-d. Preecutly the render cxim- across at.other paragraph that tickled his fancy. “I will try him with ibis one,” he said. _ He did so, and a tear actually welled om of his neighbor's eye and coursed slowly down his cheek. "Heavens, man 1” was the exclama tion, “what’s the matter with you ? Have you no sense of hnmor? WbaMo you do to pass away the time, anyway f n Looking mournf uUy out of tbe window ths stranger replied: “I am a proofreader ou a comic WHAT MB DIBD OF. ‘ Jones—“I see it steted that a known Philadelphia businass mm died suddenly in a street oar the other night of alcoholism. ” Smith—“You probably saw that ia some New York paper. Thoaa New Yorkers are always stertfag up some libel or other on Philadelphia.” Jernes—“Then it to not true?” Smith—“I should say boA It to a mean, despicable slander. The man waa a friend of mine, and although bo* b teetotaler, he was nerer cwuaidsred a hard drinker.” Jones “Did be die in a street ear?” Smith—“Well, yes; I admit that ha did.” Jones—“Then what did he die of?” Smith—"Don’t know. From to death, probably.” After the Some one pretends to hare found a plumlter’s bill which ran thus: "Ffariag up Smith’s bunted pipes, to "wit: Go ing to see tbe job, 91; tools and help, 92: finding the $1.50; sending for more help, 9L25; going back for solder forgotten, 9L50; bringing tbe solder, 9fa burned my fin ger, $2; lost my tobeoeo, 50 eestos; get ting to work, 98; getting a^rambtents to work; 92.50; fixing tba pipe, * sente;' going home, 92.50; and tear on took, clothing, 98; total, 99^98. ”