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$ THE OLD MAN T ) OF THESEA| .Original.* In "The Arabian Night** Cutcrtalouients." a hook that hn* delighted millions of |>eople both n|i| nml .voting, Is a ntvry of liotv jtln thai! the Sailor was requested to toko an old mau on his boulders and cany blru across u stream. tV'icn the old man was seenreIjr fixed la his position be refused to get down, nod fcindhad was obliged to hear ti'o burden Indefinitely. I am remind. -1 of this story of the "Old Mnu of the 5c?" In something similar that I happened to cie when I was young. ttof.v.e settling down to tny profession, Laving pi t aside enough money to spend a t'esv months In Kurope. I went abroad. The sum was only $300, and I was obliged to pioeo It out by doing a good deal of walking. Ouo day 1 was trudging along through tlie Kn .'?r1ing ?rlinn I nmrto..L? .1 fo*. some reason was having u hanl time to j g"t on. i When I cnuie up with him I >id hUn good morning nud asked hlni if I iVjuld be of any assistance to lilni. "TtVn might help me along to tiie next hotel,\ ho said. "Tt's only nbout a tullo." i I to< lit his arm. and as we walked slowly 011 he told me that he was Ilnoch Crane, an American. lie had long IVen ailing, and his doctor had sent hfin abroad. EIo. like myself, was walk I,rig because ho conhln't afford to ride.(> When we got to the Inn I took him, to .1 room and helped him to bed? a bed from which he was destined nearer to arise. He was very ill in the 1 n light, and I tat with him till near njtbrnlng. /; Having my time laid out and none to lose. I proposed after breakfast to 1 ppeeeed on my Journey, but Mr. Crane , f begged me so pitifully not to desert a i y fellow countryman among strangers that I agrec-l to remain with him tin- I other day. At the end of that day T 1 was constrained to remain another and tiil I > tl.o *I?.m ..ll?tl?.l for my travel* slipping away from i mc and I taking care of a sick man ' m little Swiss Inn. T? this way the whole lime 1 had | laid out for my trip passed and the i t:mft for mc? to go homo Arrived. Tho ! ?ld nuiu was sinking rapidly, and the village doctor told him that ho had better prepare his affairs for a journey to another world. Then Mr. Crane railed me to Ids bedside and said to me: ' You toll tne you are going home. 1 beg of you not to leave my body in this faraway land, but to take it with you. I have expected to die over liere and have mad? every provision, having inquired tho cost of removal In every particular. Yon will find exactly the amount in my wallet under my pillow. Take my body to It.. Id It. county, in Massachusetts, and about a mile north of the village on the V. turnpike is a lot forty feet square inclosed with stones taken off the ground. In the center Is n space marked by four posts, where tho grave is to lie located. This is not all. I want you to he ?nsto<llnn of my grave. Send for a notary and I will draw up a paper transferring the lot to you with everything It contains, which, of course. Is my body." What n situation?nty trip spoiled, obliged to go homo in company and in care of the corps? of the man who had spoiled it. and my pay was a plot of ground not worth ?20, which, after nil, I must hold for a grave. Nevertheless 1 consented. 1 cannot claim that I did It solely front kindly motives. lOuoch Crane possessed a singular influence over lite. Often during nuy attendance tipou him I wondered If I were really myself, if I wore not under some spell. At such times I invariably thought of Sindbad the Kailor. When Mr. Crane died I possessed myself of his wallet, which, in addition to money. remained nn nceouut for expenses figured down to llio closest possible amount, It struck me that ho most have been afraid 1 would reap a few dollars out of the transaction. It paid the way exactly, and I expended the last dollar hi ha ring the body transferred to the grave. I bad promised Air. Crane that I would see the grave dug. the body lowered and the earth put hack, all under iny own superintendence. To do this I must pay for my own carriage. Clad of the prospect of getting the disagreeable matter off my hands, I secured two men with the necessary Implements and was soon standing beside them as they dug the grave iKdween the posts Crane had described. They had gone down about four feet when one of them threw up a tin box. I took charge of It. but since it was locked I was obliged to wait my rctnrn to the village before examining it. I presumed It to bo nu other whim of the man who was being hurled. Flaring kept nty promise to the letter, I drove hack to the village and. enlling for a room in the little hotel, proceeded to open the box. It contained a number of envelopes. From the topmost I drew n paper. It recounted the wrongs heaped upon Enoch Crane by his relatives?ho had no wife or una?anu uicir iH'ynifKKuvss in permitting him to go nhrond nlone In Ho:irrh of health. The nest envelope contained n paper 'willing the content? of the bos to the owner of the lot In which It was found. The remaining envelopes coutnlned stocks nud bonds . worth $2m.onn. It was some time before I could tin d erst and that in a twinkling I had ome Into possession of n fortime. This whs owing to my being dazed, for never was there n clearer cose, f owned the lot, and the owner of the lot owned the property found In it. Before leaving America the invalid had arranged to reward any friend lie might find. _ ARTHUR V BERWICK. ' Humor ?d Philosophy By DUNCAN N. SMITH 4 < PERT PARAGRAPHSA doctor Is a man who a saints cither 1 to lift or to foreclose the mortgage yon |?nr?. foolt?hlv pot en yotir health. I | Thv man who bollevna h? luck always I as a kick coming. 'J'be grouchy ^ , nicu xvlid Dave ! no difficulty In ; keeping their : ooifc* nre most- jff Shopping is a war women have of entertuinlug them- ^jr iY) selves without Ki paying for it. Mpr If Juries grew on peach tree.* some lawyers would take n week lu picking one. The waitlug game docs not pay in the long ran unless the tips are heavy. No girl is au old maid who doesn't look the part, and not then, either, If she objects to the honorable title. Tims? people we are told can't stand prosperity manage to wiggle through it some way. The man who doesn't know what he wants and doesn't know what he does not want ought to take a wife for what ails him. Strangely enough, the bashful man who doesn't know what to do with his hands doesn't envy the armless wonder. lu the jKillec for?*e there is n vast difference lictweon a shake np and a shako down. Tht Greatest Scientist. Was over scientist so great. So -.vise or eo surprising A? he who latel> rune around, The copy books despising. And knocked the props from underneath Otir old foe, early rlslngf It used to bo that health and wraith And every other blessing Came to the fellow who wa* prompt I About hts morning dressing. Hut now the scientist declares That theory wns hut guessing. The morn lug v'r which o'er the town lu mis;;- hasc Is wreathing Is. so scientists declare, With noxious gsisee seething. Not fit for forks particular At nil nhout their breathing. Bo he who spends the morning hours In sweet and placid snoring Will not hat e sickness and the like On hand to bo deploring. Hut will the waste of yesterday He rapidly restoring. Then hull the man who knocked great holes In tbf? old sppcr?C(Uon 1 I.Ike Caesar's wife, this scientist Is quite above suspicion. We'll sleep until the sun Is high ( Now that we have permission. Almost Hopeless. ; "1 wonder If they will ever Invent a smokeless cigar." "No, l?it I do hope we will gome time develop n race of cignrloss men.*' Showed Their Age. ) "He Is looking for now features for his fIiow." J "lie needs them, I>ld you notice the fenttires on his chorus girls?" Misfit Name. "Why do they en If this nn O'commodm Ion train?' "Must be because there are no accommodations on It." The Similarity. "Why does ho remind yon of h woin| en's hammer?" I "Because ho files off the handle nt ! every little rap." Owing to the Ciunate. When customers had not the price fie kindly put it ilown on fee. I At first Rinnce you would call that nice, But watt and sec. For, though ho kept that ktnd of score, ITe ran the only north pole store. And It would keep for years and more, Plain as could be. Didn't Show It. "I* he a friend of the family?" "Not intimate?at least they do not appear to know anything disreputable ! about his past life." Not Desperate. "Will you Join mo in a lobster suyper" "No. thanks; I haven't Joined the sulfide Hub yet." Threw It Away. !{ said he'd die for freedom Rut. oli, he would be free. It was the only thing worth while. As far <u> he coula see. But, after speaking highly Of freedom one sad day, The fdlfow weqt and married > And threw it all away. | i? ? ???? [Coprrlght. 1906, by Homer Bprorue) Just when Mr. Nlckelby became n reformist he could not fix by exact date. Ho had always had a fellow feeling I for his fellow men and had always wished them to walk In straight paths, but he bad arrived at middle age bej fore this feeling began to He heavily I on bis mind. When he started out In J the reforming business there wore poo' pie who called It a fad and referred to hlro as daffy, but no matter how good tho cause there are people who will always speak ill of It. j Xtckclby's family went to the coun; try, and he occupied the bouse o' nights. One night ot inklnigbt he was j awnkoucd from his sound sleep by a hand being laid on his shoulder. He opened his eyes to see a stranger hovering over him. "Mr. Nickelby," said the man, "1 am a bnrglnr. I have called to talk with yon. I have taken the liberty of preparing a little lunch downstairs, and I . should liko to have you Join me." I "Tills seems to be a gigantic piece of I cheek," replied tho reformist as he got ! slowly out of bed. "If Fd had one mlu j tite's notice I'd have txjen ready to I send n bullet Into you!" j "That's human Inconsistency. For . years yon have been wanting to have ' a free, frank chat with a burglar and ! convince him of the error of his ways . and bring nbont n reformation. I I conic at last, and you are sorry tbat ' you did not meet mc with a ballet." I "Put you have broken into my house!" I "But that is a part of my business. Having broken into your bouse as I j have you cannot doubt that I am what i I claim to bo. I,et tis now go down to the lunch." ill. Nickelby didn't like it at ull. lie wanted all burglars to reform, but he j wanted it done by programme. The lunch didn't amount to much. Aside from four ham saudwiches brought in by the burglar himself there were a bottle of wine taken from tbe cellar j | nnd a supply of cigars. The burglar motioned bis host to a seat at the head , of the table, passed him a sandwich ' and a glass of wine and then courteously said: "Now go ahead and ask me any questions j-ou will. It will bo the first tiuie I have ever submitted to an Interview." I "This house Is defended by a burglar alarm, nnd I don't see how you entered It," replied the reformist, who couldn't get over his feelings In the matter. j "Easy as pie, my -dear sjr. I had only to cut the wire outside the house. ; l)o you wish to know why I became a burglar?" i "You can state the case If you wish, but tomorrow I'll raise hob with the police for not spotting you off before ' you got in here." I "Don't do it Statistics will show that there are Just as many burglaries now as before a policeman was Invented. You would only be throwing your time away. At thirty yean? old 1 was n minister of a congregation In n country town. My salary was $200 a year and was behind half the time. I made the change Jn order to make a living. I have made an average of $5,000 a year as against yon. Have you any criticisms to make? Have you anything as good to offer ine if I will reform ?" | "You'd get at least f.vc years if arrested for breaking In here,*' sulkily replied the reformist. "Not a doubt of it, but I shan't l>c arrested. If I promise to mend my ways can yon get me a Job of driving nn ice wagon at $0 per week?" "You ought to reform because It Is wrong to be criminal." "Oh, bad I? I ought to walk the streets looking for n Job because I want to be an honest man. How about every alderman In town? Llow about every merchant? IIow nl<ont the tens of thousands of men who are cbeatlng and swindling and robbing every day? Uo to n man who sells coffee. It Is 80 per cent adulteration. Will be stop because you say It is wrong?" j "But you are a burglar!" j "It is a distinction without a difference. Instead of robbing tbo city 1 rob one residence. Instead of mixing half cotton with my wool 1 use false keys to enter n dwelling. Yon are in tho cloth business. There ore more tricks : in yonr trade than In mine. Are you j willing to reform?" "If you had come to mo and said you j wanted to reform I should have stood ready to? to"? "Yes; go on. You would have stood ready to give me a dollar and your best advice, and within a week I would have been a starving man. It won't do, old fellow. It's nil sawdust. Wo arc nil out for the dough, Including yourself, and none of ns Is going to give up a good thing for the sake of free soup and a bed under a stairway. Cut It out and save your wind. Now, then, I have packed tip n bundle in tbo hall. It I contains a few pieces of silver, two I suits of your clothes and a few other things. They are my perquisites, and If you object It will bo llio worse for you "I may como again at the end of three months. If I do I hope to hear lhat you have gone out of the cloth business and are selling toothpicks and giving full measure for the money. I'erhnps I may bo so situated as to offer you a dollar a day to drlro an express wagon. "Another glass of wine? No? Have a smoke? No again? Well, I'll bid you good night and be going. I stand ready to reform at any time, but I've got to have shoes for iny feet and something for my stomach to work on In the new fkrnr??arlrm." M flrtiTI wtirvemsMHOtor-h-m' _ v i We War in Thi; to work up our who knows som culating newspaj a man who can The Saturday E week, and look the sales, and t get regular cust< good paying bus right here. ll^r the curtis pub rMlLAL?L ?1?7 < berry Street jMj^ChoIce^ (Original.) ' Tito doctor tells me," said uiy father one morning after breakfast, "that this heart of mine Is liable to take me off at any moment. Before I go 1 vvlsb to aee yon married. I would be glad if you could bare a romance, but romances will not be bidden; they come when they pleaso or not at all. I must therefore ask you to clioose a husband In a conventional way. Three uicn bare proposed to me for your baud?Edwanl Ilewltt, Arthur Lyons and Oilbert Lawrence. All are able to support you; all ure mentally and physically admirable men except Lawrence, who la cursed with a club foot. I believe you know them." "Sir. Ilewltt I have met; Mr. Lyons I know pretty well; Mr. Lawrence I do not know at all." "Then I suppose the choice falls between Ilewltt and Lyons?" I was silent. My expression must hare been lugubrious, for father said, "Foor little girl." Then I turned to him and said; "Send them nil to me to make their propositions direct and I will decide between tlicm." "On different days?" "No; let them all come tomorrow weiiuit,. rui mem iu uiuereui rooms, nnd lot them out like bears lu a menagerie, one after another." Father smlle<l grimly nnd went away. The next evening 1 took position in the small drawing room. Presently the door opened, and Mr. Hewitt walked in. He was perfectly self possessed, advanced to within a short distance of me and stood deferentially, ne was o fine looking man, though not handsome. He began to speak in a formal tone. "Your father has given me the inestimable privilege of laying my heart at your feet. I have known you long enough to feel assured of thp loveliness of your disposition, the rectitude of yoitr conduct, and it is plain to n'l that you arc beautiful. I mention these traits, since from l>oyhood I have been resolved that the woman I marry mast possess them. As to worldly goods, 1 have sufficient myself. I can take care of you ill the same fashion as you have been brought up. You have only to speak one word to make me happy." "I duly appreciate," I replied, "the honor you have done me and am pleased to know your requirements in the woman you shall marry. I will hold your proposal under advisement, nnd you will be duly Informed." His confident manner underwent a sudden ehange, and he retired in some confusion.Ten minutes later Mr. Lyons came In. lie cast a frightened glance at me, then bent bis eyes to tbe floor. He did not come as near me as bis predecessor and Instead of standing erect bent low. "I feci," he said In a hesitating voice, 'that It Is a presumption for me to offer my unworthy hand to one so greatly my superior, one who Is known to the world for her many admirable traits, as well as for her beauty. When I asked your father to be permitted to pay my addresses to you, I had no hope that the little I linvo to offer in those endowments prized by woman would be acceptable to one possessing every endowment acceptable to men. If yon can find It In your heart to favor my suit you will Inspire me with 'a confidence and happiness never felt before." lie stood waiting with head bowed and eyes still bent to the floor. "I assure you, Mr. Lyons," I said, "that, far from feeling too good for you, I do not feel good enough for you. i uiank you for your high opinion of my endowment* nud for your most complimentary otter. I must ask you for n brief period in which to consider." "1 am delighted," be said, "that you will stoop even to consider a proposal of one so unworthy of you." I sighed 08 he went owoj. Two of it a Man 5 Town business; a man ething about cir)crs or magazines; get boys to sell vening Post every after them, push rain the boys to omers. There's a iness for some one *ite at once. LISHING COMPANY LPHIA, PA. ? ' the tlirco bad made tbelr proposals, on telling me what he required lu a wife : the other what 1 deserved la a bus band. The third remained to state hi.; case, and he had a clubfoot. What a position for a girl to he placed lu! When the door opetled and Lawrence entered he limped along briektj, his eyee fixed on me, his countenance lit with admiration mingle.1 with intense anxiety. It seemed as if he was bent on the one supreme quest of his life, lie came up close to me and sat on the edge of a chair directly opposite me. "May I tell you a stor V" he asked. "You may." "One day a year ago I wss In the art gallery, when a girl came in and began looking at the pictures. I do not know if her face was beautiful. I only know that the soul looking through it caught mine and whirled It away. Brery day since then I ha re gone to the gallery hoping to meet Iter, and thrice that I have done so hove amply repaid me. For a year I hare worshiped her in silence. Then when I could endure it no longer I resolved to know my fate. You are that girl. Tell me If my life Is to be withered or If the gates of heaven are to be opened te mo In your love." As he spoke the last * 'ords bo reached for my hand. "I have been through a dreadful er- 1 deal," I said, not wlthd *awing It, "but you have lightened the burden. You | may come and ?ee me whenever yon like, and If you contl lue to love me In a closer proximity and 1 grow to love yon I will be year wife." I This I told him. When 1 informed my father I aald, "Gilbert Lawrence Is my choice." CORA ASHWORTH. Just Like Him, "He Is the most contrary man you ever saw." "Really?" "Yes. Why, he wouldn't attend his own funeral If he thought his friends desired him to be present." In the Long Ago. "Why arc you so positive about guar anteelng these eggs?" "I nm; personally acquainted with the lieu that laid them." "Did you go to school with her?" Grew Suddenly. She soomed so little for her age, Rut when she called his bluff And mado him look like thirty cents Then she seemed lance enough. Why He Hated Them. "I understand ho claims to be a woman hater." "Yes, he discovered some time ago that that was the wny to make the girls run after hlra." True to Color. "What are these white lie# we bear so much about?" "Must bo the stories the oldest Inhabitant tells abont the biggest snew Btorra." A Different Miss* "Misfortune has pursued him for a long time." "Yes, but he Is not pursuing Miss Fortune and hopes to turn the tables." THE " BOSS " COTTON PRESS I SIMPLEST. BTW0N8EST. BEST The Murray Cinnino System Glna, Faaders, Condanaara, Eta. OIBBES MACHINERY CO. Colamblki S. C* \ Union & Glenn Springs Railroad Co. V \ -*p- Time Table Effective Aug. 1,1005. > Leave Union 7. a. ra. 1.00, 4.00 and 18.10 p. m. Arrive Buffalo 7.15 a. m. 1.16, 4.16 and f s.25 p. m. Leave Buffalo 8.16 a. m. 1.46, 6.00 and 18.80 p. m. Arrive Union 8.80 a. m. 2.00, 6.16 and 1 8.45 n. m. Leave Union 9.00 a. m. and 6.26 r. m. Pans Neai Shoals 9.60 a m. and 0.10 p.m. Arrive Pride 10.16 a. m. and 6.35 p. m. Leave Pride 10.35 a. m. and 0.60 p. m. Pnss Neai Shoals 11.00 a. m. and 7.10 p.m. Arrive Union 11.60 a. m. and 8.00 p. in. All trains daily unless otherwise noted. Week days onlv. t Saturdays and Sundays only. Connection made at Pride with Sea1 ,,W1 m.,\ A I mm 1 : *1. 1. a 1 C-..AL ovniu mi lil'io bliroilK11 tlHIIin DUUlll hound in the morning and North bound in the evening. Interchangeable mileage sold by the Seaboard Air Line will be honored by the U. & G. S. R. R. M. B. SUMMER, Gen. Pans. Agent. B ?i a Low Rates Again to TEXAS Arkansas and the South-west. Less than one-way fare for the round trip by Memphis and the Cotton Belt Route. DalM are Octolier 17, November 7 and 21, Deccmlier 5 and 19. Pick your date and say when and > where you want to go and we will give you full information by re turn mail. COTTON BELT ROUTB. I J 01 Equitable Bldg., R WALLACE & BARRON ATTORNEYS AT LAW. 1. CLOUGIl WALLACE. P. I). BARRON. Office?Rooms 12 and 13, up stairs, opposite Hotel Union. Practice in the -itate and United States Courts.- 24-ly SCAIFE & HAMBLIN, ATTORNEYS AT LAW. POSTER BUILDING, UNION, S. C. D. H. MONTGOMERY, M. D. PRACTICING PHYSICIAN. Office in Opera Houbo Building. Day calls left at Duke Drug Co. Residence Phone 147. ll-12tp , F. C. DUKE, iepresentlng the Best and Most liberal Life, Health and Accident .nsurance Companies in the world, OFFICE: Room 4, Nicholson Building'. J A. BROW DEALER IN 3EAL ESTATE, STOCKS AND BONDS. IOUSE RENTING AND COLLECTING A SPECIALTY. OFFICE ON BACHELOR STREET^ BOILERS AND ENGINES, Tanks, Stacks, Stand Pipes, and Sheet Iron Work; Shafting, Pulleys, Gearing, Boxes, Mangers, etc. Mill Castings. Cast every day; work 200 hands. Lombard Foundry Machine and Boiler Work and Supply Store. Augusta, Georgia. GOOD THINGS FOR ru a nik cr. i i/iwci i iinniiiJVI l V 111VII V turkey roasted brown as a berry, risp, juicy and tender, delicious ranberry sauce, good pumpkin >ie, and many other good things hat go to make up the Thankpgivng feast can only be a success if all it the festive b?>ard are properly lothed. The turkey should be properly dressed and so should the nan. This is a round-about way f saying that you should appear n proper raiment on Thanksgiving 'ay, the gn at home feast day of the / ar. We have the Thanksgiving .ind?the kind to be thankful to Kjssess. I remain yours for business, ICO. W. GOING. . 'KM Rcmre? -1 HAIR BAL8AM ,9UK9w-' "" Hi I'romoOta luxuriant growth. aHHlv wJbB Hover to Hontorn Orwy I SBjpl. JW Ji .lr to in Yonthful Color. I \W.Tli ,?KQB Curt* oon'p d It I.r.ir Ixlllug. 'V y.^V BaEsV^t'i