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| the" " I ADAM ISCHAAFk J Is the high grade Piano t 8 We are willing to put th with any $500 or $600 Pin & terial, mechanism, constri 8 about one-half the price. x{ proof. We invite you to & piano, and if you want a 8 get. Have several grades Tj Upright" is just $100. Y< xj in buying a Piano from yc I Wonder Store Uncle Tobey's Lecture on Girls. My dear friends; This is a beautiful.Sanday morning, and one subject , for today's lecture ought to fit the occasion. If the young lady sitting over there, back of the stove, will take that chewing gum out of her mouth, and the young man in the lefthand corner will let go of his girls's hand, the trouble will begin at o*?ce. My subject this morning is "Girls." And it.'s enough. You've all heard about Washington being "First in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen." Well, that may be ail right enough so far a? the ir.en are concerned, but the giris are first in ti e hearts of the country boys?and the town boys, too According to the Scripture girls seem to have been about the last thing created. It is almost unanimously corcedod that they are the be-t thing th-it ever came down the pike. Kvp war never a oirl olt.linnah nt , ^ ? D J ? w ? D - one time aho was young enough to be. Of course, she lost lots of fun, never had"a summer hat, and when she left Kden hud nothing in the way of a wardrobe but a "fall" dress. Having been nr.ade of the rib of a msn she never attracted much attention from those that had a right conception of the raw material used in constructing her. She did, however, succeed in attracting (he notice of a gentleman who is said to be chief fireman in the lower regions, and he succeeded in tempting her to cat the wrong kind of fruit, which is sometimes erroneously stated to be an apple Since that time she has been attracting loo much attention. God made boys before He made girls, but He must evidently have discovered that ho made a mistake, for they fought, and one killed the other. Hirectly after that girls made their appearance, and things have keen running smoothly ever since. The proportion of boys and girls are about equal?that is, there is about one boy for every girl. Some people been trying to change this proportion, but the effort is not popular and will hardly succeed. Sometimes a girl thinks that the boy crop is going to be short, and she picks one before he is ripe. When this happens they are both pretty green, but plenty of congenial sunshine will usually bring them out all right. A boy can out run u. giri, uui/ ne naruiy ever noes id. i When a girl takes after him he I usually stops. When a girl gets big j enough [to get mad because she has ! to milk the cow or carry in stove wood, she usually thinks she is old enough to marry and begins to look ' around for a boy to help her do those ' things. When a girl wants a hoy to give her a flower, or to sit on her father's front porch with her and watch the moon and stars, she's in love, and ought to eat plenty of pickles. It ain't any hnrm for a girl to fall in love with a boy, if he's the right kind of a boy. The hardest thing for a girl to do, after she has fallen in love with a boy, is to lot him know it without letting him know it. Some girls have a habit of making love to two or three boys?thut is, of making all of them believe that she loves them, and of 1 getting them to lovo her. This near- | ly always mukes trouble, und some- 1 times thins out the tribe of boys a I boy or two. Then sometimes the I wrong girl falls in love with the right i boy, and the right boy falls in love < with some other girl. This gets things awfully mixed up, but it seoins , < ? j :o buy and save money. gh is Piano in conTpetitiob K* .no for comparison in ma- Sg iction, beauty and tone at HS Seeing and testing is the 03 come at once and see this 88 Piano this i$. the one to A) of others, The "Baby (g ou save from #60 to $90 >ur home agent. ^ & Music House I it can't bo helped. Your Uncle Tobey once heard of a young man that, fell in Love with a girl. He intended to marry her soon as he got money enough to buy u cow and a wheel-barrow. But he went away for awhile and the girl marritd another, man. This young fellow to< k it to heart just awfully, rtn'd went- to a lawyer, who was a friend of his, for advice. The lawyer told him that the oase was a little complicated, but that ho thought he had a pretty good one. He told the young man that it was a principle iu law that the intention constituted the crime, and that if he hod intended to marry her that he was married just tin* same as if r,o leiral ceremony had been perfo; tried; that is, lie had cxnmitted the crime because that w <s his intention, and nnder the cir rumstances he could go aud lick the other ft l'.ow nod get his wife. But he told him that thero was another phase of the question which must be considered ; that if the girl never intend* d to marry him he was not her husband, and she would be violating the law by living with a man who was rot h? r husband Then the lawyer told him that he hod a wife because of his intention to marry the girl, but if she didn't intend to marry him she wusn't married and had no husband, and was a single woman. But as she was his wife she was also a married woman ; that he was both married and single, and a widower because he had lost his wife?or intended wife. The lawyer then told him that there other phases to the case that he need not mention, but that he thought he could straighten it out for a fee of $15,000. The young man replied that he need not mention the phase*, nor the fee, either, as he thought he was already enough kinds of a d?n fool for going oIT and giving the other fellow a chance to marry the girl. So tho young man went home, bathed his head in a horse trough, put on some old clothes, and went out in the field to cutting his corn. When a girl wants to marry a man, or a boy, as the case may be, she "sets her cap" for him. That is, she bet/ins to look nf him ? -- ...... l...UUgll her eye lashes and lets just the tiniest kind of a smile creep up the side of her nose. She laughs at everything foolish ho says, aDd begins to watch the other girls she thinks might want him. If that kind of treatment don't put the string around him she acts a little shy and scared, like a kitten that wants to make friends with a stranger and don't know whether it can or not. But some girls can't wait for all this ceremony , and they just catch a fellow with the dogs and tell him they can't do without him. Girls are a good thing to have, yet too many of them are worse than not enough, and the supply is about equal to the demand. Girls are getting. more skittish about marrying, and they are not skittish enough yet. It is better for them to make their own living than to be tied to a beei keg and a bag of wind. When a girl hugs a boy she puts her arms around his neok ; but when a boy hug8 u girl he puts his arm around her waist. There ain't nobody old enough to tel' when hugging began, and no one will try to predict when it will stop. Nobody has over got up a ' corner" on girls, but when two or three of thein get a man coroorod, he'd just as well haul 3ut a dollar or two for the preacher. Girls wear smaller shoes than boys. A. girl with a No. G foot and seven ? , . . ? I..II.K* A Literary Reunion. mrs # 8. k. williams in 0hri8tun observer. The B ?ok Family had u r? utirn once upon a lluao. It w?s planvvd J away back In The List Days of Pompeii, when Mother Gqose was only a | downy gr.?llng, but was postponed from lime to time because no ault?.bl?? place could l?e found to have It. j The House of Seven Gables was old and out of repair. whileOld Ourioally Snop was too small, and It was not ut til the matter whs It ft to a committee of Ihrce that a decision wa? reached?Ben Hur, Monsieur B>-ancaire, and a Gentleman from Indiana composing'the committer. "Thtre is no better place than Castle Craney Crow," they all agreed, "but we will see The Clan-man an I get The Right of Way, or we may have trouble." Disappointed at not finding him at A Little Wayside Inn hearing the sign of the Leopard's Spots, they ' proceeded up the mountuitfr path to J the den of The Black Wolfs! Breed, where they found him dining with The Masquerader, Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde. He was a formidable character, but these Hearts Courageous feared not to interview him. "In The Name of Liberty !" ho exclaimed, "you can huve anything you ask, gontlemeVi, To Have and to Hold." Invitations were at oocc sent out all over the country?to The Prisoners of Hope, to The Prisoner of Zenda, to the Wayfarers in Italy, to Alice in Wonderland, and even into the very Heart of Midlothian. Busy hands transformed the eerie old castle into a bower cf beauty, but nothing could be added to makc*he grounds more attractive, nature having made it a most pictureeqe spot, with wild roses, i rum pel. vines and wisteria climbing everywhere. Karly on the morning appointed, almost bt fore the mist had lifted from the valley, the crags and peaks ! resounded with the merry shouts of I the Children of the Abbey who, for ' the first time, were permitted to leave ' the dingy walls and go out for a whole day among the birds and wild flowers. But even here, away from the evcr-watehful eyes of the Veiled Nuns, they were not free from re! straint, for The Silence of Dean Mait! land warned them not to divulge the Secrets of the Convent and Confessional. Col. Carter, of Cartcrsville, who leads A Simple Life, was the only one who sent regrets, but all the guests from The Little Colonel's House Party were in attendance. The Dryad, a beautiful yacht owned by The Manxman, arrived from Treasure Island, leaving a number of celebrities, among whom were Marie Antoinette and Her Son, Nicholas Nickleby and The Hon. Peter Sterling. Immediately in the wake of the yacht were Three Men in a Boat, who rounded the bend just H9 The Bell in the Fog pealed out the signal for the festivities to begin. The Club of ljueer Trades had been engaged to furnish the music, with A Gentleman of France as soloist on Tho Master's Violin. Mrs. Wiggs of the Cabbage Patch was mistress of ceremonies, and created much merriment for the crowd with her quaint witticisms. She explained the absence of Lovey Mary by saying she had to stay at home because The Heavenly Twins were down with the measles and Sonny had the wlioopiug cough, but she was thankful none of 'em had a hare-lip. A sumptuous dinner was prepared by Josiah Allen's Wife,v&nd spread, in the old-fashioned wan, under the boughs of the trees on long piae tables, and over each of them was suspended a Wreath of Wild Olive. It seemed at first as though the dinner was going to be a stiff affair, and doubtless would have been but for Miss Mellard'8 Inspiration in relating in charmiDg style, some of Penelope's English Experiences, which .all corns on her toes can wear a No. 11 shoe and not swear. A boy couldn't do that to save his life. When a girl takes a notion to marry you would just as well "let her go, Gallagher," for she'll marry in spite of the world, the flesh, and the gentleman who is .supposed to have the cloven foot. Most all girls are happy, and will make happy women if they will marry the right kind of an apple dumpling, and not fret too much. Girls ought not to depend upon their good I Atilr a fA AW-. - * VW1 * J VI1UIU UlUllg IIIV psiili UI life. Men can be often kept in a good humor if their wives will give good cooking. Th^re is a whole lot's more your Unole Tobey knows about about girls, but this is enough for this tiuio.?Home and Farm. |Tsq ? IS WHAT g every man, vs q| door. We ha tX We regard or ? just as much as business by t gg take, thereby rrl nprtinor hni r M all, in plain fi J$ WE CHEERFUL^ j$ THAT D | THE BA . | fij ty are being loa< S bombard hi *1 g bargains all < M i lot of Dixie or Camion ^ ioc, per yard m j lot of New York Mills 1 A yanl V i lot of Red Flannel, per I A x lot of Outinfi, worth gki 8 ===== ; \ Special Bargains in J wear and Millinery ? with your cash. L A Just as Good Goods at | The Ratlil heartily enjoyed except The Worstf Man at the foot of the tkble. Davi Copperfield was toastraa3ter, and wi called on after dinner for a speed but pleaded a headache, savin] "One of the name is good as tl same, I will ask my friend Davi Harum to favor ns with one." T1 old banker arose, and with, a mi chievoas twinkle in his eye, saic "Shall I tell you a Tale of Two Citie or read for your amusement son Letters From Hell, which I have I my pocket?" At this even the Silence of Mr Harold was broken, und her shrUV would have split a Red Rock. Ricl ard Carvel, always gallant, soothe her by saying, "No cause for alarn madam, they are only the Idl Thoughts of an Idle Fellow." Beverl of Graustark was the acknowledge belle, and never locked more charu ing than she did on this occasioi elaborately gowned in Lavender an Old Lace. My Lady of the Nort was also quite popular, and won a hearts by her sparkling wit, her ric dark beauty being enhanced by th magnificent old Crown Jewels sh wore, which were the gift of h< grandmother, Elizabeth, Empress ( Austria. The Spenders, who ha recently inherited the vast Fortune of Oliver Horn, arrived in great pom at the eleventh hour, but alas! wen away hungry, for the fragments ha been gathered up and sent to Unci Tom's Cabin close by. Dancing, rowing and love mukin had been indulged in till the sun wu dipping low, and the gay pleasur seekers were departing; each on wearing A Bow of Orange Ribbon a a souvenir of the unique gathering The entire party had been invited t attend The Marriage of William Asht which was to be solemnized tha night at Blaok Rock, the home o The Sky Pilot. With many regret that the day could not ge on forevoi they gathered up baskets and bun dies, and were soon sailing o'er moon lit waters, on Ships That Pass in th Night. College Girls' Ignorance of Literature. Some discouraging statements re gardlng American "college girls' ig norance of literature are contribute* by Jeannette Marks to the Octobe a - . ??^??1 >BBBBBQiS<3HS? HJ ARE THE BATTERY 'oman and child th ve no pets or favorit< IP man'c r\ n If o** nr? IV IIIUI1 4? UV/Iltll CI 3 as another's, We < asking more than fleecing the unwar nake the lowest pos: igures. f REFUND THE MONEY 01 OES NOT PROVE SATISFi TTERY'S Bl ded to the muzzle, h prices as never bef jver the country. SPECIALS Cloth, worth t oo dozen Miss> Sic 50 dozen M.11 flenching, per y)nrJJl I59 tc . Sic Men's Mastic ? ,rt<1 Men's White : ^ ioc chiefs at per yard.... 5c Men's Socks at 1 Shoes, Clothing, Dress Go< . Always visit THE BATTE Inderbuy and Undersell is out THE BATTERY as any place?Just a Lit Ff Dry Goods C id Critic, the writer remark?, what id other pebple read determines their is reading, tond "they will take their h, Shakespeare only disguised and dinr wart n/l I r, 4 l? X* ~^ ^ ~ J - 0 1 1 - k, >u me gu^cuuH uress 01 me; ;e spectacular by Marlowe, Sothern, \ id and Henry Irving;- they will take j >e their Dante not at all?I know two' s- college girls who in their senior year I: asked who Dante was; and if need be ! s, they will use their Homer in translale tion as a reference-book." In her in experimenting at Mount Holyoke . College the writer obtained some ass. tonishing results. On matter which .s was required for the entrance examil nation these were particularly noticed able?for example, a year and a half i, after the examination. "Out of one 10 hundred and eighty-six, fifty-three y could not tell when Shakespeare d lived, although either the sixteenth j 3- or the seventeenth century would 3, have been accepted as correct. Two d 8t.udent3 placed him in the twelfth, h century, four in the fourteenth, seven ' 11 in the fifteenth, twenty in the eigh-1 h teenth, and four In the nineteenth! ie century. Sixteen students did not ie attempt to assign him at all." >r The tests in general reading, such >f as the students might hare been exd pected to obtain at home, were s equally fdisastrous. "One hundred p and fifty-four did not know who it wrote'Don (Jnixote'; oue student, d hard pressed, made Marion Crawford e the author. Sixty had never heard of 'Thanatopsis,' and this striking g name was spelled in every fashion, ,s from 'Annatopsis'to 'Thanatophia.' e Forty-five could not tell who wrote e the 'Divine Comedy.' Forty did not s know who Henry Esmond was, one confusing him with 'G. Cleveland'; o by inference I suppose she meant >, Ford's 'Peter Stirling.' Fifty-nine t had not heard (?) of Maggie Tulliver;1 >f one hundred and eleven were unable s to place Dickens in his century; they ?, begun with the seventeenth century - and with a gradual crescendo closed i- with fifty-two assignments to tho| e eighteenth century. Fifty-eight were unfamiliar with Hawthorne's century One hundred aud forty-one did not * know who wrote the 'Ode on the Intimations of Immortality.' One hun- j dred and thirteen had never hoarj of I - Hume-Jones, and one hundred And j twenty-nine were unfamiliar with \ I William Morris. These last two \ r questions among others were given s A't'-jWraii itttaSBWr*1 -rlrif i ssseseseeH* DEAL| OPPEBS ? tat enters our g is in business. $ being worth 2d Jo no monkey we expect to ? y and unsus= jj sible prices to p ===== S * : ANY PURCHASE &| iCTORY. fii " ? G GUNS &> and we will ^ ore, and shoot ^ rs* /5c Hose at. 10c ?P|* _ \s fancy Half Hose, hM r * >scll quick 10c rQ uspenders 50 itid Colored Ilaiulkcr- Mj )ds, Hosiery, UnderRY before you part Jri * motto. JKJ tie Cheaper?That's All. 0? !o., Props. | sgggggggei to test general information more or less intimately connected with litera* tare. Of spelling I will not speak. It was essentially modern." We find that we are a little over-loaded on FINE BOX PAPER and for the next thirty days we will offer some real bargains in this line. We have a beautiful selection of 50c goods, surpassed by none in town at this price, which we will offer for thirty days, or until sold out, for 35c per box. v Remember that it is new and ^ strictly up-to-date. We will have it displayed in our window for a few days. Be sure to call and look it over even if you do not need any just now. e v DUKE DRUG CO. Sole Agents for Huyler's Candy in Union. Under Hotel Union. Union, S. C. THE "BOSS" COTTON PRESS! SIMPLEST, STRONGEST, BEST The Murray Ginning System Gins, Feeders, Condenser*. Etc. G1BBF.S MACHINERY CO. Columbia, S. C. ?????sanPTsuiA juwei ML ?, Don't Read This. 3 Wanted, to soil People's Bank Stock, Merchants and Planter's stock, Cotton dills Stock in blocks to suit purchases. Also r?oe acres splendid farm finds, containing one of the finest vaterpowers in upper South Carolina. V groat bargain for quick cash sale. Vpply to The Heal Estate Man, *4 J. A. BkoW>\ " \