The Union times. [volume] (Union, S.C.) 1894-1918, October 27, 1905, Image 8
| the" "
I ADAM
ISCHAAFk
J Is the high grade Piano t
8 We are willing to put th
with any $500 or $600 Pin
& terial, mechanism, constri
8 about one-half the price.
x{ proof. We invite you to
& piano, and if you want a
8 get. Have several grades
Tj Upright" is just $100. Y<
xj in buying a Piano from yc
I Wonder Store
Uncle Tobey's Lecture
on Girls.
My dear friends; This is a beautiful.Sanday
morning, and one subject
, for today's lecture ought to fit the
occasion. If the young lady sitting
over there, back of the stove, will
take that chewing gum out of her
mouth, and the young man in the lefthand
corner will let go of his girls's
hand, the trouble will begin at o*?ce.
My subject this morning is "Girls."
And it.'s enough. You've all heard
about Washington being "First in
war, first in peace, and first in the
hearts of his countrymen." Well,
that may be ail right enough so far
a? the ir.en are concerned, but the
giris are first in ti e hearts of the
country boys?and the town boys, too
According to the Scripture girls
seem to have been about the last
thing created. It is almost unanimously
corcedod that they are the
be-t thing th-it ever came down the
pike.
Kvp war never a oirl olt.linnah nt
, ^ ? D J ? w ? D -
one time aho was young enough to be.
Of course, she lost lots of fun, never
had"a summer hat, and when she left
Kden hud nothing in the way of a
wardrobe but a "fall" dress. Having
been nr.ade of the rib of a msn she
never attracted much attention from
those that had a right conception of
the raw material used in constructing
her. She did, however, succeed
in attracting (he notice of a gentleman
who is said to be chief fireman
in the lower regions, and he succeeded
in tempting her to cat the wrong
kind of fruit, which is sometimes
erroneously stated to be an apple
Since that time she has been attracting
loo much attention.
God made boys before He made
girls, but He must evidently have
discovered that ho made a mistake,
for they fought, and one killed the
other. Hirectly after that girls made
their appearance, and things have
keen running smoothly ever since.
The proportion of boys and girls are
about equal?that is, there is about
one boy for every girl. Some people
been trying to change this proportion,
but the effort is not popular and
will hardly succeed. Sometimes a
girl thinks that the boy crop is going
to be short, and she picks one before
he is ripe. When this happens they
are both pretty green, but plenty of
congenial sunshine will usually bring
them out all right. A boy can out
run u. giri, uui/ ne naruiy ever noes id. i
When a girl takes after him he I
usually stops. When a girl gets big j
enough [to get mad because she has !
to milk the cow or carry in stove
wood, she usually thinks she is old
enough to marry and begins to look '
around for a boy to help her do those '
things. When a girl wants a hoy to
give her a flower, or to sit on her
father's front porch with her and
watch the moon and stars, she's in
love, and ought to eat plenty of pickles.
It ain't any hnrm for a girl to
fall in love with a boy, if he's the
right kind of a boy.
The hardest thing for a girl to do,
after she has fallen in love with a
boy, is to lot him know it without
letting him know it. Some girls have
a habit of making love to two or three
boys?thut is, of making all of them
believe that she loves them, and of 1
getting them to lovo her. This near- |
ly always mukes trouble, und some- 1
times thins out the tribe of boys a I
boy or two. Then sometimes the I
wrong girl falls in love with the right i
boy, and the right boy falls in love <
with some other girl. This gets
things awfully mixed up, but it seoins , <
?
j
:o buy and save money. gh
is Piano in conTpetitiob K*
.no for comparison in ma- Sg
iction, beauty and tone at HS
Seeing and testing is the 03
come at once and see this 88
Piano this i$. the one to A)
of others, The "Baby (g
ou save from #60 to $90
>ur home agent. ^
& Music House I
it can't bo helped.
Your Uncle Tobey once heard of a
young man that, fell in Love with a
girl. He intended to marry her
soon as he got money enough to buy
u cow and a wheel-barrow. But he
went away for awhile and the girl
marritd another, man. This young
fellow to< k it to heart just awfully,
rtn'd went- to a lawyer, who was a
friend of his, for advice. The lawyer
told him that the oase was a little
complicated, but that ho thought
he had a pretty good one. He told
the young man that it was a principle
iu law that the intention constituted
the crime, and that if he hod intended
to marry her that he was married
just tin* same as if r,o leiral ceremony
had been perfo; tried; that is, lie had
cxnmitted the crime because that
w <s his intention, and nnder the cir
rumstances he could go aud lick the
other ft l'.ow nod get his wife. But
he told him that thero was another
phase of the question which must be
considered ; that if the girl never intend*
d to marry him he was not her
husband, and she would be violating
the law by living with a man who
was rot h? r husband Then the lawyer
told him that he hod a wife because
of his intention to marry the
girl, but if she didn't intend to marry
him she wusn't married and had
no husband, and was a single woman.
But as she was his wife she was also
a married woman ; that he was both
married and single, and a widower because
he had lost his wife?or intended
wife. The lawyer then told him
that there other phases to the case
that he need not mention, but that
he thought he could straighten it out
for a fee of $15,000. The young man
replied that he need not mention the
phase*, nor the fee, either, as he
thought he was already enough kinds
of a d?n fool for going oIT and giving
the other fellow a chance to marry
the girl. So tho young man went
home, bathed his head in a horse
trough, put on some old clothes, and
went out in the field to cutting his
corn.
When a girl wants to marry a
man, or a boy, as the case may be,
she "sets her cap" for him. That is,
she bet/ins to look nf him
? -- ...... l...UUgll
her eye lashes and lets just the tiniest
kind of a smile creep up the side
of her nose. She laughs at everything
foolish ho says, aDd begins to
watch the other girls she thinks
might want him. If that kind of
treatment don't put the string around
him she acts a little shy and scared,
like a kitten that wants to make
friends with a stranger and don't
know whether it can or not. But
some girls can't wait for all this ceremony
, and they just catch a fellow
with the dogs and tell him they can't
do without him.
Girls are a good thing to have, yet
too many of them are worse than
not enough, and the supply is about
equal to the demand. Girls are getting.
more skittish about marrying,
and they are not skittish enough yet.
It is better for them to make their
own living than to be tied to a beei
keg and a bag of wind.
When a girl hugs a boy she puts
her arms around his neok ; but when
a boy hug8 u girl he puts his arm
around her waist. There ain't nobody
old enough to tel' when hugging
began, and no one will try to
predict when it will stop. Nobody
has over got up a ' corner" on girls,
but when two or three of thein get a
man coroorod, he'd just as well haul
3ut a dollar or two for the preacher.
Girls wear smaller shoes than boys.
A. girl with a No. G foot and seven
? , . . ? I..II.K*
A Literary Reunion.
mrs # 8. k. williams in 0hri8tun
observer.
The B ?ok Family had u r? utirn
once upon a lluao. It w?s planvvd J
away back In The List Days of Pompeii,
when Mother Gqose was only a |
downy gr.?llng, but was postponed
from lime to time because no ault?.bl??
place could l?e found to have It.
j The House of Seven Gables was old
and out of repair. whileOld Ourioally
Snop was too small, and It was not
ut til the matter whs It ft to a committee
of Ihrce that a decision wa?
reached?Ben Hur, Monsieur B>-ancaire,
and a Gentleman from Indiana
composing'the committer.
"Thtre is no better place than
Castle Craney Crow," they all agreed,
"but we will see The Clan-man an I
get The Right of Way, or we may
have trouble."
Disappointed at not finding him at
A Little Wayside Inn hearing the
sign of the Leopard's Spots, they
' proceeded up the mountuitfr path to
J the den of The Black Wolfs! Breed,
where they found him dining with
The Masquerader, Dr. Jekyll and Mr
Hyde. He was a formidable character,
but these Hearts Courageous
feared not to interview him. "In
The Name of Liberty !" ho exclaimed,
"you can huve anything you ask,
gontlemeVi, To Have and to Hold."
Invitations were at oocc sent out
all over the country?to The Prisoners
of Hope, to The Prisoner of Zenda,
to the Wayfarers in Italy, to Alice
in Wonderland, and even into the
very Heart of Midlothian. Busy
hands transformed the eerie old castle
into a bower cf beauty, but nothing
could be added to makc*he grounds
more attractive, nature having made
it a most pictureeqe spot, with wild
roses, i rum pel. vines and wisteria
climbing everywhere.
Karly on the morning appointed,
almost bt fore the mist had lifted
from the valley, the crags and peaks
! resounded with the merry shouts of
I the Children of the Abbey who, for
' the first time, were permitted to leave
' the dingy walls and go out for a
whole day among the birds and wild
flowers. But even here, away from
the evcr-watehful eyes of the Veiled
Nuns, they were not free from re!
straint, for The Silence of Dean Mait!
land warned them not to divulge the
Secrets of the Convent and Confessional.
Col. Carter, of Cartcrsville,
who leads A Simple Life, was the
only one who sent regrets, but all
the guests from The Little Colonel's
House Party were in attendance.
The Dryad, a beautiful yacht owned
by The Manxman, arrived from
Treasure Island, leaving a number of
celebrities, among whom were Marie
Antoinette and Her Son, Nicholas
Nickleby and The Hon. Peter Sterling.
Immediately in the wake of the
yacht were Three Men in a Boat,
who rounded the bend just H9 The
Bell in the Fog pealed out the signal
for the festivities to begin. The Club
of ljueer Trades had been engaged to
furnish the music, with A Gentleman
of France as soloist on Tho Master's
Violin. Mrs. Wiggs of the Cabbage
Patch was mistress of ceremonies,
and created much merriment for the
crowd with her quaint witticisms.
She explained the absence of Lovey
Mary by saying she had to stay at
home because The Heavenly Twins
were down with the measles and
Sonny had the wlioopiug cough, but
she was thankful none of 'em had a
hare-lip.
A sumptuous dinner was prepared
by Josiah Allen's Wife,v&nd spread,
in the old-fashioned wan, under the
boughs of the trees on long piae
tables, and over each of them was
suspended a Wreath of Wild Olive.
It seemed at first as though the dinner
was going to be a stiff affair, and
doubtless would have been but for
Miss Mellard'8 Inspiration in relating
in charmiDg style, some of Penelope's
English Experiences, which .all
corns on her toes can wear a No. 11
shoe and not swear. A boy couldn't
do that to save his life. When a girl
takes a notion to marry you would
just as well "let her go, Gallagher,"
for she'll marry in spite of the world,
the flesh, and the gentleman who is
.supposed to have the cloven foot.
Most all girls are happy, and will
make happy women if they will marry
the right kind of an apple dumpling,
and not fret too much. Girls
ought not to depend upon their good
I Atilr a fA AW-. - *
VW1 * J VI1UIU UlUllg IIIV psiili UI
life. Men can be often kept in a
good humor if their wives will give
good cooking. Th^re is a whole lot's
more your Unole Tobey knows about
about girls, but this is enough for
this tiuio.?Home and Farm.
|Tsq
? IS WHAT
g every man, vs
q| door. We ha
tX We regard or
? just as much
as business by t
gg take, thereby
rrl nprtinor hni r
M all, in plain fi
J$ WE CHEERFUL^
j$ THAT D
| THE BA
. | fij
ty are being loa<
S bombard hi *1
g bargains all <
M i lot of Dixie or Camion
^ ioc, per yard
m j lot of New York Mills 1
A yanl
V i lot of Red Flannel, per
I A x lot of Outinfi, worth gki
8 =====
; \ Special Bargains in
J wear and Millinery
? with your cash. L
A Just as Good Goods at
| The Ratlil
heartily enjoyed except The Worstf
Man at the foot of the tkble. Davi
Copperfield was toastraa3ter, and wi
called on after dinner for a speed
but pleaded a headache, savin]
"One of the name is good as tl
same, I will ask my friend Davi
Harum to favor ns with one." T1
old banker arose, and with, a mi
chievoas twinkle in his eye, saic
"Shall I tell you a Tale of Two Citie
or read for your amusement son
Letters From Hell, which I have I
my pocket?"
At this even the Silence of Mr
Harold was broken, und her shrUV
would have split a Red Rock. Ricl
ard Carvel, always gallant, soothe
her by saying, "No cause for alarn
madam, they are only the Idl
Thoughts of an Idle Fellow." Beverl
of Graustark was the acknowledge
belle, and never locked more charu
ing than she did on this occasioi
elaborately gowned in Lavender an
Old Lace. My Lady of the Nort
was also quite popular, and won a
hearts by her sparkling wit, her ric
dark beauty being enhanced by th
magnificent old Crown Jewels sh
wore, which were the gift of h<
grandmother, Elizabeth, Empress (
Austria. The Spenders, who ha
recently inherited the vast Fortune
of Oliver Horn, arrived in great pom
at the eleventh hour, but alas! wen
away hungry, for the fragments ha
been gathered up and sent to Unci
Tom's Cabin close by.
Dancing, rowing and love mukin
had been indulged in till the sun wu
dipping low, and the gay pleasur
seekers were departing; each on
wearing A Bow of Orange Ribbon a
a souvenir of the unique gathering
The entire party had been invited t
attend The Marriage of William Asht
which was to be solemnized tha
night at Blaok Rock, the home o
The Sky Pilot. With many regret
that the day could not ge on forevoi
they gathered up baskets and bun
dies, and were soon sailing o'er moon
lit waters, on Ships That Pass in th
Night.
College Girls' Ignorance
of Literature.
Some discouraging statements re
gardlng American "college girls' ig
norance of literature are contribute*
by Jeannette Marks to the Octobe
a - .
??^??1
>BBBBBQiS<3HS?
HJ ARE
THE BATTERY
'oman and child th
ve no pets or favorit<
IP man'c r\ n If o** nr?
IV IIIUI1 4? UV/Iltll CI 3
as another's, We <
asking more than
fleecing the unwar
nake the lowest pos:
igures.
f REFUND THE MONEY 01
OES NOT PROVE SATISFi
TTERY'S Bl
ded to the muzzle,
h prices as never bef
jver the country.
SPECIALS
Cloth, worth t oo dozen Miss>
Sic 50 dozen M.11
flenching, per y)nrJJl I59 tc
. Sic Men's Mastic ?
,rt<1 Men's White :
^ ioc chiefs at
per yard.... 5c Men's Socks at
1 Shoes, Clothing, Dress Go<
. Always visit THE BATTE
Inderbuy and Undersell is out
THE BATTERY as any place?Just a Lit
Ff Dry Goods C
id Critic, the writer remark?, what
id other pebple read determines their
is reading, tond "they will take their
h, Shakespeare only disguised and dinr
wart n/l I r, 4 l? X* ~^ ^ ~ J - 0 1 1 -
k, >u me gu^cuuH uress 01 me;
;e spectacular by Marlowe, Sothern, \
id and Henry Irving;- they will take j
>e their Dante not at all?I know two'
s- college girls who in their senior year
I: asked who Dante was; and if need be !
s, they will use their Homer in translale
tion as a reference-book." In her
in experimenting at Mount Holyoke
. College the writer obtained some ass.
tonishing results. On matter which
.s was required for the entrance examil
nation these were particularly noticed
able?for example, a year and a half
i, after the examination. "Out of one
10 hundred and eighty-six, fifty-three
y could not tell when Shakespeare
d lived, although either the sixteenth j
3- or the seventeenth century would
3, have been accepted as correct. Two
d 8t.udent3 placed him in the twelfth,
h century, four in the fourteenth, seven '
11 in the fifteenth, twenty in the eigh-1
h teenth, and four In the nineteenth!
ie century. Sixteen students did not
ie attempt to assign him at all."
>r The tests in general reading, such
>f as the students might hare been exd
pected to obtain at home, were
s equally fdisastrous. "One hundred
p and fifty-four did not know who
it wrote'Don (Jnixote'; oue student,
d hard pressed, made Marion Crawford
e the author. Sixty had never heard
of 'Thanatopsis,' and this striking
g name was spelled in every fashion,
,s from 'Annatopsis'to 'Thanatophia.'
e Forty-five could not tell who wrote
e the 'Divine Comedy.' Forty did not
s know who Henry Esmond was, one
confusing him with 'G. Cleveland';
o by inference I suppose she meant
>, Ford's 'Peter Stirling.' Fifty-nine
t had not heard (?) of Maggie Tulliver;1
>f one hundred and eleven were unable
s to place Dickens in his century; they
?, begun with the seventeenth century
- and with a gradual crescendo closed
i- with fifty-two assignments to tho|
e eighteenth century. Fifty-eight were
unfamiliar with Hawthorne's century
One hundred aud forty-one did not
* know who wrote the 'Ode on the Intimations
of Immortality.' One hun- j
dred and thirteen had never hoarj of I
- Hume-Jones, and one hundred And j
twenty-nine were unfamiliar with \
I William Morris. These last two \
r questions among others were given
s A't'-jWraii itttaSBWr*1 -rlrif i
ssseseseeH*
DEAL|
OPPEBS ?
tat enters our g
is in business. $
being worth 2d
Jo no monkey
we expect to ?
y and unsus= jj
sible prices to p
===== S *
: ANY PURCHASE &|
iCTORY. fii
" ?
G GUNS &>
and we will ^
ore, and shoot ^
rs* /5c Hose at. 10c ?P|* _
\s fancy Half Hose, hM r *
>scll quick 10c rQ
uspenders 50
itid Colored Ilaiulkcr- Mj
)ds, Hosiery, UnderRY
before you part Jri
* motto. JKJ
tie Cheaper?That's All.
0?
!o., Props. |
sgggggggei
to test general information more or
less intimately connected with litera*
tare. Of spelling I will not speak.
It was essentially modern."
We find that we are a little
over-loaded on
FINE BOX PAPER
and for the next thirty days
we will offer some real bargains
in this line. We have
a beautiful selection of 50c
goods, surpassed by none in
town at this price, which we
will offer for thirty days, or
until sold out, for 35c per box. v
Remember that it is new and ^
strictly up-to-date. We will
have it displayed in our window
for a few days. Be sure
to call and look it over even
if you do not need any just
now. e v
DUKE DRUG CO.
Sole Agents for Huyler's Candy
in Union.
Under Hotel Union. Union, S. C.
THE "BOSS" COTTON PRESS!
SIMPLEST, STRONGEST, BEST
The Murray Ginning System
Gins, Feeders, Condenser*. Etc.
G1BBF.S MACHINERY CO.
Columbia, S. C.
?????sanPTsuiA juwei ML ?,
Don't Read This. 3
Wanted, to soil People's Bank Stock,
Merchants and Planter's stock, Cotton
dills Stock in blocks to suit purchases.
Also r?oe acres splendid farm
finds, containing one of the finest
vaterpowers in upper South Carolina.
V groat bargain for quick cash sale.
Vpply to The Heal Estate Man, *4
J. A. BkoW>\ " \