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?0?0?0?0*0*0?*0*C*0?0?0*0* * ! Consolation I o * ? * By KEITH GORDON J z ? * ' ft- Copyright, 1004, by K. M. Whitehead $ *o*o*o*o*o*o**o*o*o*o*o*o? Through the stained glass above the palms and roses the midday sun streamed In, fleck lug the scene with gorgeous reds, blues and greens. It shetl a golden glory upon the tall, slender, grnceful bride, and at the sight the best man shut his Jaw a bit moro determinedly. She was looking moro than ever like an angel, uud in Ave minutes she would be the wife of his best friend. That was the monotonous sentcncu which kept repeating itself In rhis mind. As if he were likely to forget! Opposite him and just behind the bride the maid of honor stood. For iuv moment sac. too, bad forgotten tbc guests, forgotten everything save tho fact tlmt the one inan iu the world whom she might have loved-*?for she always phrased It thus carefully to herself?was at that nioiucut vowing to love and cherish her closest friend. She had a curious feeling that when she was an old, old woman, when a yellow, withered face and dim. sad eyes looked back at her from her mirror, she should still be able to live over again the despair of this moment, when the white roued clergyman was taking him from her life, a thousand times - more^Irrevocably than death could have done? There was a stir about her like the rush of the wind. For n second she was too lost In-thought to understand; then, as she dropped upon her knees somewhat hurriedly, her bewildered eyes caught those of the best inun, casually at Grst and then with u quick, startled recognition of something she saw there. He. too, hud the air of a person suddenly awakened from a nightmare, momentarily uncertain of the surroundings in which he found himself. A moment later she had forgotten his very existence. "He's Ethel's husband now?Ethel's husband," she said sternly to herself, skillfully turning a dry sob Into a long, -broken breath and composing her face to the radiant expression becoming tbe bride's best friend. Meanwhile the best man admonished himself In a similar strain. "Steady now. old man! Kow's the time to get out your happy smile." Then, as tho ? rigid muscles of his face gave no indication of relaxing, his thoughts ran on crossly: "Don't be an ass! It's the worst ever, so you might as well cheer upr Rv tha Smo !,/? ---1?* ?^ ?v blcul vi^au pvait-u out the trlumphaut strains of the wedding march he and the maid of honor, their masks on, faced the ,xruast? tli>f filled the church, ready to play their parts for all they were worth. Something In the music was at once an inspiration and a challenge. "Isn't she sweet?" whispered one of *fethe guests to a companion, referring to the maid of honor. "But how pale she Is, and what n curious look there Is In her eyes?sort of nothing can ever matter again expression?and yet"? The speaker stopped, staring thoughtfully at the girl until she had passed. More than once during the course of the wedding breakfast that followed the best man found himself watching her curiously. No one was gayer than she?none so gay. In fact. Her eyes were brilliant, and her laugh rang out valiantly, but his own misery made him subtly conscious of some undercurrent of feeling that was running strong and pitiless under the surface bubbles?an undertow of misery that she was resisting with all her strength. He remembered that when, during the ceremony, their eyes had met in iv ; that confused, unveiled glance she had been staring at the groom as Intently as he had at the bride. Could it be? He did not formulate the thought, but \ fie watched her more keenly than ever after that?so keenly, indeed, that once, unable to bear it any longer, with an appearance of unconsciousness she taxed him with It "You are very rude!" she said lightly, but at his grave, sincere "Believe me, I have not meant to be." and the searching look that accompanied it expressive of a sympathy be could not put into words, her lips quivered ever so slightly. "Weddings get upon my nerves," she explained, with a little M-lmoMi and hafnra Ha nnnlH rani* aha had turned nway. The shower of rice and old shoes had spent Itself, and the bride and groom had departed, taking all the romance of the world with them and leaving be f hind a monotony without form and void. All of the guests felt It, and already the bustle of departure was In the air. But to the best man and the maid of honor It was a ghastly, appalling fact that made them linger on the steps after the others had re-entered the bouse, staring blankly after the carriage that bad disappeared around the corner. Then the man remembered where he was and pulled himself together with an effort. "Seems rather like the end of things, doesn't It?' he observed as they turned Into the doorway. "From our standpoint, yes," was the llstloss answer. Then she caught her Hp between her teeth and darted a quick. Inquiring glance at him. That was net precisely what she would have chosen to say, and she hoped that he would not notice It But at the sight of the somber smile In his eyes the hope <?k, ' passed. In a anng corner of the deserted library, where the farewells of the departing gnests came to them but faintly, she next found herself, without being very clear as to bow she same L i fib in i . ' -V there. The best man was sitting In front of her holding one of her hands . in a protecting, big brotherly fashion, while she vainly tried to keep back tbo ; tours thnt seemed to be rising as quiet- i ly and relentlessly as a Hood. It was no use. Higher and higher they came. She winked hard and shut her teeth firmly. Then she snatched her hand away and covered her face. "My poor little girl," murmured the best man softly. . "Weddings are always snd, don't you think?" she gasped out. dabbing at her eyes with her handkerchief and giving a little hysterical laugh. "Still, I don't usually behave like this. You see. when your best friend marries?she?that is? everything is different nnd"? She gave up trying to explain the situation in despair and ended with an incoherent, "But it's all very ridiculous, and I don't know why 1 should say all this to you." She was the picture of helpless, girlish misery, and the best man's heart ached for her. Momentarily his sympathy took the edge off his own loneliness. He winced at the thought of her having to suffer alone the maddening sense of loss that tormented him. "Perhaps it's because misery loves nAinnnttv " ?.Mt.uuj, .it oiliu fccuuy. -remaps you foci thnt this wedding hasn't been altogether like other weddings to me either," he went on, with a matter of fact air, us if it were the most natural thing in the world that they should be confiding in each other. She was watching him with a dawning understanding in her eyes, and he met her gaze with a whiui3icul smile, as if he were offering her the open book of ills soul to read if she would. "Do you mean that you. too"? There was no need to complete the ! question, for it was answered before it i was spoken. Involuntarily her hands 1 went out to him in quick, warm sympathy. and though her only comment , was a breathless "Oh!" it was eloquent ' with feeling. Little by little her composuro came back to her. i "It was so good of you to tell me." she said gratefully. "I think I feel as Robinson Crusoe did when he dlscovj ered the man Friday. I "Not that I'm glad that you're un! happy, tbo." she added quickly; "ouly It doesn't seem so lonely now thnt I know that there is some one who understands. After all, that's what makes life worth living. Isn't it?" she finished, lAAMnr. ?* ' * * ivumufe u|# ul uilu wnu wuai scemcu to j hi in the sweetest look he had ever seen ' In a girl's face. When at the end of six months the bride and groom returned from their honeymoon abroad the best man and the maid of honor were among the first of their dinner guests, j "See here: it seems to me that yon two have been making hay in our abI sence," laughed the bride, noting with a ! woman's quick instinct the deep, strong understanding that seemed to exist bo. tween the two. whereupon her. 11 stent . kia iirrt-i?c" n somewhat humorous, albeit confused, glance, but refused to explain. The following June they were married. Just before the Lohengrin march the organist played "Consolation," at which such of the guests as recognized , the selection elevated their eyebrows ! and wondered. But the bride and groom alone were in the secret. It was a case of in memorlam. The Professor's Love Story. An amusing story is told concerning Professor Duncan of St. Andrew's university, who was in his younger days a teacher in Dundee. The embryo professor proposed to a lady, who curt] ly refused him. Shortly nfterward Mr. Duncan became Professor Duncan, and the lady beard no more of him, not even by letter. Some time after she went to St. Andrew's to try the effect of sea bathing. She saw Duncan often, and be talked to her on every subject except the subject she was now apparently Interested In. At last she courageously screwed up her courage and, coming to the point, said: | "Mr. Duncan, there was n subject yon once mentioned to me some time ago, and really I am rather surprised that you have never recurred to it, for I have changed my mind since that time." The professor simply remarked: "Yes, but I, too, have changed my mind."?London Tit-Bits. The On* Who Was Mad. A corpulent German came rushing Into the circuit court one morning before court was called and said: j "I vant to git varrant for a man to kill a tog." "Well, my man, you don't come to this court to get warrants in cases of that kind. If you want the dog killed you should go to a police court," said tho Judge. The German started to leave, when the Judge inquired in an Interested manner: "Did the dog bite you?" "Yeas, he bit me." "Well, was the dog mad?" "Vns de tog madt? No. I vas madt." ?Buffalo Ccmmerclal. Jtim Opporiuntty Cam*. Rear Admiral Char lea D. Sigsbee, U. 8. N., was once advanced after a long and patient wait from commander to captain. On the day that he was promoted he went ashore and kept the launch which was to take him to his ship waiting beyond the appointed time. When he finally strolled down, Paymaster Charles W. Blamm, who was In charge of the launch, said: "Captain, yon?you have Just been promoted, and yon?yon have made a bad beginning. Ton have kept the boat waiting ten minutes, sir." "Bo calm, Mr. I Blamm," said the new captain, with a tantalising grin; "I've been waiting years for the privilege." t \ ' ? iSfe to tv % ^ DR. I. Iv( ?i DEN Crown and Bridge Work a .Specialfry. ANIMALS' WANDERINGS. Rati tlit Moat Minratory?Lcinmln|? Race Willi Death. The fable of the country mouse und the town mouse lias a foundation in fact. Mice occasionally migrate In large numbers when food grows scarce nnd travel considerable distances to fresh bouses. Fanners in a part of Perthshire had a good reason to become aware of this fact when a couple of years ago vast swarms of mice Invaded their cornfields at harvest time. But the mouse only travels when it has to. The rat, on the contrary, seems to take a yearly outing in very much the same fashion as do human beings. Bats arc the most migratory creatures in the world. Whole troops of rats leave the towns at the end of summer and spend a month or two in the couutry, apparently in order to enjoy the change of food, which the county affords at that time of the year In the way of fresh fruit and grain, ltefor the cold weather sets in they are m back In their old quarters. Itcindcer migrate with the same regu larity ns swallows. They move south when winter sets lu, but as soou us ever the snow begins to melt they travel steadilv nnrtli ? ? VVU.^?iujivo * V/l UO much as a thousand miles. To end a holiday by deliberate suicide is so strange a phenomenon that for a long time naturalists looked upon the stories of the migration of the lemmings as an improbable fiction. Yet the facts are beyoud dispute. At irregular intervals these rat-like creatures start out from their J^oines in the fastnesses of northern Scandiunviu in hnge droves, numbering tens of thousands, nnd travel steadily southward. Death pursues them in a hundred forms. Hawks and other birds of prey hover above them. Foxes, wolves nnd man decimate them. Thousands are drowned In rivers. Yet the rest struggle on until they reach the sea. They do not stop. They plunge in, swim out and struggle on untii at lust their strength fails and they drown. Not one ever returns from this Journey of death.?London Answers. POINTED PARAGRAPHS. When an attorney offers to settle, listen. I Some men try to get business by fighting people. The successful business man is one who knows what people will not do. When a man gets discouraged and quits, the doctor says afterward, thnf **jac vras jtrai rnetrmc wnen fie should have held on. When one of the town boys marries nn out of town girl it creates more "feeling" than when a town girl imports a husband. When n man wunts to sharpen a knife he hunts up a whetstone. When a woman wants to slmroen 11 knife she takes a few swipes on a crock. It ofton happens that the woman who has a reputation far and wide as a Judge of a good bargain seems to fait down when she picks out a husband.? Atchison Globe. Mediaeval Monarch*. Almost every mediaeval monarch claimed the whole or a part of the dominions of almost every other and Insisted on inserting his claim in his list of official titles. In treatises and all official documents the whole list was religiously copied, and as it often happened thnt the two negotiating monarchs had some of the same titles it became usual to insert a clause in the list, non praejudlcando, in order to indicate that, no matter how absurd, inappropriate or untrue were the titles, they were understood to be Inserted because they pleased the monarch who claimed them, that they did not confer a valid claim, and so no harm was likely to result from their use. An laffnloni Scheme. A story Is told of n Chicago glrj whose verses were always "declined with thanks" who hit upon the following unique plan for having them published. She would send n line of verse from one of her poems to the query column of some newspaper and ask from what poem such a line came, the name of the poem and of tho author. A friend, also a rhymester, would send the querist's own poem to the paper with the desired information, and of course It would appear in print. The querist would do the same for the friend and so on until between them they had all their "poems" printed. Feathered nitrometer*. There are lots of birds which prophesy rain and storm In their actions. Crows, gulls, wild duck, snipe, plovers, woodpeckers, cormorants, wild and tame swans and most of the wading birds show great restlessness when stormy weather Is approaching. They fly swiftly and often aimlessly np and down, fluttering from tree to tree and place to place, and usually scream loud ly and harshly.?Nature. Violated the Rales. Assistant? Here's nn account from your tailor among this morning's letters. He writes on the back that he wants a settlement at once. EditorReturn It with a printed slip stating that communications written on both sides of the paper are unavailable. Misery loves company, particularly if the company has a bank account. I ^ ''V I - , Office Bank Building Union. S. OJ i f ~ Humor and Philosophy By DUNCAN N. SMITH _i Copyright, 19W, by Duncan M. Smith. PERT PARAGRAPHS. t ' Snakes cause great sufTering in prohibition states by hibernating through the winter. In figuring relationship secoud cousins do not count unless they have u very large bank account. ^ J George Washington's inability to tell n 11c must lmvc been a great handicap when he met up with the assessor. An optimist is a man who takes New Year's resolutions seriously. ? New Year's resolutions are not made to be broken, although they are. ( Sometimes when a boy is so good that he is In danger of dying young his mother is the only one who finds it out. A. boy who is obliged to saw wood morning and evening does envy those youngsters who live in a coal country. It is with the people who think that seeing is believing that the three card monte men dearly love to do business. j Bve wasn't armed with a hatpin, ot it might have been different when the serpent tempted her. There are thirty-nine reasons why some women are old maids; the first la, they were born so. The others don't mntter. Saved. Doop in tho pocket of his vest Ho felt with patient care. And then lie tried the other side. Hut, no. it wasn't there; And every pocket in his coat He went through o'er and o'er. And in u trance ho searched his pants, And then he walked the floor. Back to the starting place he came And made another try; Again with zest through coat and vest He made his fingers fly. He turned the lining inside out. Looked through them all once more, And In despair ho paused to swear. And then he walked the floor. But Hopo once more, the sly coquette, Said. "Look again and see; It may be you In glancing through The place where they should bs Have missed the object of your search. So feel again with care." But no reward this effort scored. And the? he tore his hair. But. hold, an inspiration cornea! He rushes down to where The vest he wore the week before Is hong awny with care. He reaches up and murmurs, "Saved! Thank goodness, here they are!" Then with dispatch ha strikes a match And lights a fat cigar. Looking Forward. It Is pleasant to take down the book and read the sunstroke remedies nt this tlmo of the year. It mnkes a man feel as though there was something in llfo to look forward to. It must he admitted that sunstroke is one of the things to which distance lends enchantment. It Is only when viewed from a snowbank that they seem to be desirable tilings to have and n form of amusement that would suit the most fastidious. Along in July one docs not feel as though he would rnther have a sunHlrokc than eat, but he does feel n little bit that way In January unless the grub Is particularly tempting. At that ' time of the year as he looks over the I remedies he begins to think that a rec- | Ipe for having them would be more Interesting reading than printed directions as to the way to avoid thena. No Spender. "Yes, he always has mouey in his pocket." "I notice he keeps it there." No Improvement. Wo havo the horseless carriage And other "less" things pat. As for the girl-less slelghrlde, Please don't present us that. Willing to Prove It. "Are you certain you can keep a secret?" "Positive. Give me n three days* trial and see." ' Humor and Philosophy By DUNCAN N. SMITH , . Copyright, 1904. by Duncan M. Smith. PERT PARAGRAPHS. The mnn who colors government blankets dyes for his country every day and never gets u pension. Good luck seldom gets monotonous. When Fortune knocks nt the door some people are grumbling so loud that they don't hear her. Silver lining may do for some people, but the millionaire has his clouds gold lined. The worst thing about habits Is that so many of them are bad. A thing of beauty Is an expense from start to finish. As a time saver people who always must have a joke dissected for them should wear n placard inscribed, "Tell me when you are going to laugh and why." A little learning is n foolish thing. A word to the wise Is not sufficient He wants a thirty day note. When n man Is long on dollars wo overlook his shortcomings. No man can live up to the opinion his wife had of him before they were married. Marrlages may be made In heaven, Doubtless Eve had enough tact not to offer Adam apple pie when he was out of humor. Where She Was Strong. Bho couldn't write a good critique; On Browning she was shy; No foreign language could she speak; Of mathematics dry Bhe hardly know a little bit. And yet the maiden mado a hit. Her beauty wasn't very much; No cultured artist, she; No grand piano at her touch Buret forth In melody. Tor she could neither play nor sing. But she was thought the proper thing. Her hair no artist raved about; Her checks were common pink. Quite round and dimpled, too. no doubt. And babyish. I think. But still this was no reason why Bhe should be lauded to the sky. The reason that this simple girl's Success was Just Immense Was that In folly's giddy whirls Rhf* thr* OHA cor>oa In picking parents, one sweet spring, Bho chose for dad a copper king. Not His Fault. "Why don't you work?" "Nothln* dolu' in uiy liue," replied Airy Artie. "What's your business?" Bald the questioner. "Messenger to Mars," returned Artie. Made the Difference. "Jones has n most wonderful memory." "I don't think so. I lent him a dollar a month ago." "But I borrowed one of him two weeks ago." Compensation. There, little boy, don't ory; They havo tanned your Jacket, I know. And the small expanse of your boyish pants Is warm with a flery glow, But you'll be a btg man by and by. And then you can lick the smaller fry. I There, little boy. don't cry. Not In Real Life. "Qnlps is such a great humorist." "Yes, Indeed; even his wife can see the point of his Jokes." "I always thought she was kind hearted." The More You Beat 'Em. "1 don't think Charlie really loves me," said the young wife. "Why?" said her confidante. "He never has made me feel bad once." Next Higher. To he a Roman was greater than a klr.g. That's what the people said about the place. No doubt the natives meant by such a thing To be a Roman was to be an ace. Didn't Have To. "Tie doesn't know enough to come in when It rnins." "1 notice be knows enough to swipe umbrellas." S?,- v ??mmmmU, |^ |? A 1 AN ODD FISH. Queer Marin* Koniter a Natural B*. ear to Whale*. I While operating at a fishery lu Admiralty Island, Alaska, one summer my attention and the attention of the fishing crew were almost dully attracted to a large marine creature that would appear In the main chaunel of Seymour canal and our immediate vicinity. There ore large numbers of v) hales of t|ie species rorqual there, uiul the monster seemed to be their natural enemy. The whales generally travel in schools, and while at the surface lo blow one would be singled out and attacked by the fish, and a buttle was soon in order. It Is the nature of the rorqual to make three blows at Intervals of from two to three minutes each, and then sound deep and stay beneath the surface for thirty or forty minutes. As a whale would come to the surface there would appear always at the whale's right side and Just abo\it wl.cre his head would connect with the body a great loug tail or fin. "Judged by five fishermen and a number of Indians, after seeing it about lirteen times nt various distances," to be about twentyfour feet long, two uud one half feet wide at the end and tapering down to the water, where It seemed to be about eighteen inches in diameter, looking very much like the blade of the fan of an old fashioned Dutch windmill. The great club was used on the back ? ,uv uutuiiuimic wuaie in sucn a manner lliat It was a wonder to ine that every whale attacked was not Instantly killed. Its operator seemed to have perfect control of Its movements and would bend It .back until the end would touch the water, forming a horseshoe loop; then with a sweep It would be straightened and brought over and down on the back or the whale with a whack that could be heard for several miles. If the whale was fortunate enough to submerge Itself before the blows came, the spray would fly for a distance of a hundred feet from the effect of the stroke, making a report as loud as a yacht's signal gun. What seemed most remnrkable to me was that, no matter which way the attacked whale went or how fast (the usual speed Is about fourteen knots), that great club would follow right along by Its side and deliver those tremendous blows at Intervals of about four or five seconds. It would nlways * get in from three to five blows at each of the three times the whale would come to the surface to blow. The whale would generally rid itself of the enemy when It took its deep sound, especially if the water was forty fathoms or more deep. During the duy the attack was always offshore, but at night the whales would be attacked tn tho bay and within 400 yards of the fishery. I do not know of any whales being killed, but there were several that had Qtre&ibntofe e/M? .fumeo. on their backs, told that there was only one. that it had been there for many years and th&t It once attacked an Indian canoe and with one stroke of the great club smashed the canoe Into splinters, killing and drowning several of its occupants.?Forest and Stream. Slam. The worth thing that can happen to a man in Slnm is to got into debt, from which there is never nny escape, owlug to the exorbitant interest chargod. Once In debt there is no appeal, the debtor being stripped of hi3 clothes and compelled to work in fetters, generally for the rest of his life, to pay the Interest. Drunkards nre not permitted to give evidence in the law courts of 61am. The Buddhist priests, clad in yellow robes, nre to be seen everywhere In Bangkok, nnd it is quite common for young men to enter the priesthood. which affords them an easy nnd luxurious existence, owing to the liberality of the populace toward any one anctloned to the service of Buddha. A Chinese Colambni. The belief in a Chinese Columbus was flrst nllowed by scholars only In the first half of the last century. The claim is that a Buddhist priest in the fifth century crossed the Pacific to th^s continent nnd returned, making a writ; ten report of his discovery. The report still exists. It was trnnslated into French in 1791 by M. de Gulgnes. It crnvo a ?n rra 11VO r\t O trntro cm nnofnrnr/1 by a priest for 20,000 11. where be found a country which he named Fusang. People similar to the Indians were described. as well as American plants. The only doubt about the matter Is as to the distance meant by 20,000 II. The priest may have reached only some Island In the Pacific ocean. Well Timed. "That was a great sermon you prenched this morning." said the old churchwarden, "and It was well timed i too." I "Yes." rejoined the parson, with a deep sigh. "1 noticed that." "Noticed what?" asked the puzzled warden. "That several of the congregation looked at their watches frequently." ! answered the old man, with another deep sigh.?London Telegraph. An I'npnrdnnRlilc Fnnlt. I Figg?Ooodmnn is dead. He bus led a most beautiful and n correct life. Everybody prnls?* him. For??But confound him. he trumped my nee once when we were playing partners at whist. Sorry lie Spoke. Culler?What dkl slater say when you t.?h1 her 1 was here? Tommy? 5! o a Id. "Oh. thunder!"?Boston Trnveler. llhyt'm end t'me In the art of mushj;> : i e vi < fro n t1 e heart, not fro"in ' t? i '.bine ? Dr. Joachim.