The Union times. [volume] (Union, S.C.) 1894-1918, January 20, 1905, Image 3
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* ! Consolation I
o * ?
* By KEITH GORDON J
z ? *
' ft- Copyright, 1004, by K. M. Whitehead $
*o*o*o*o*o*o**o*o*o*o*o*o?
Through the stained glass above the
palms and roses the midday sun
streamed In, fleck lug the scene with
gorgeous reds, blues and greens. It
shetl a golden glory upon the tall, slender,
grnceful bride, and at the sight
the best man shut his Jaw a bit moro
determinedly. She was looking moro
than ever like an angel, uud in Ave
minutes she would be the wife of his
best friend. That was the monotonous
sentcncu which kept repeating itself In
rhis mind. As if he were likely to forget!
Opposite him and just behind the
bride the maid of honor stood. For
iuv moment sac. too, bad forgotten tbc
guests, forgotten everything save tho
fact tlmt the one inan iu the world
whom she might have loved-*?for she
always phrased It thus carefully to
herself?was at that nioiucut vowing
to love and cherish her closest friend.
She had a curious feeling that when
she was an old, old woman, when a
yellow, withered face and dim. sad
eyes looked back at her from her mirror,
she should still be able to live over
again the despair of this moment, when
the white roued clergyman was taking
him from her life, a thousand times
- more^Irrevocably than death could have
done?
There was a stir about her like the
rush of the wind. For n second she
was too lost In-thought to understand;
then, as she dropped upon her knees
somewhat hurriedly, her bewildered
eyes caught those of the best inun, casually
at Grst and then with u quick,
startled recognition of something she
saw there. He. too, hud the air of a
person suddenly awakened from a
nightmare, momentarily uncertain of
the surroundings in which he found
himself.
A moment later she had forgotten
his very existence.
"He's Ethel's husband now?Ethel's
husband," she said sternly to herself,
skillfully turning a dry sob Into a long,
-broken breath and composing her face
to the radiant expression becoming tbe
bride's best friend.
Meanwhile the best man admonished
himself In a similar strain. "Steady
now. old man! Kow's the time to get
out your happy smile." Then, as tho
? rigid muscles of his face gave no indication
of relaxing, his thoughts ran on
crossly: "Don't be an ass! It's the
worst ever, so you might as well cheer
upr
Rv tha Smo !,/? ---1?*
?^ ?v blcul vi^au pvait-u
out the trlumphaut strains of the wedding
march he and the maid of honor,
their masks on, faced the ,xruast? tli>f
filled the church, ready to play their
parts for all they were worth. Something
In the music was at once an inspiration
and a challenge.
"Isn't she sweet?" whispered one of
*fethe guests to a companion, referring to
the maid of honor. "But how pale she
Is, and what n curious look there Is In
her eyes?sort of nothing can ever matter
again expression?and yet"?
The speaker stopped, staring thoughtfully
at the girl until she had passed.
More than once during the course of
the wedding breakfast that followed
the best man found himself watching
her curiously. No one was gayer than
she?none so gay. In fact. Her eyes
were brilliant, and her laugh rang out
valiantly, but his own misery made
him subtly conscious of some undercurrent
of feeling that was running
strong and pitiless under the surface
bubbles?an undertow of misery that
she was resisting with all her strength.
He remembered that when, during
the ceremony, their eyes had met in
iv ; that confused, unveiled glance she had
been staring at the groom as Intently
as he had at the bride. Could it be?
He did not formulate the thought, but
\ fie watched her more keenly than ever
after that?so keenly, indeed, that once,
unable to bear it any longer, with an
appearance of unconsciousness she taxed
him with It
"You are very rude!" she said lightly,
but at his grave, sincere "Believe me, I
have not meant to be." and the searching
look that accompanied it expressive
of a sympathy be could not put
into words, her lips quivered ever so
slightly. "Weddings get upon my
nerves," she explained, with a little
M-lmoMi and hafnra Ha nnnlH rani* aha
had turned nway.
The shower of rice and old shoes had
spent Itself, and the bride and groom
had departed, taking all the romance
of the world with them and leaving be
f hind a monotony without form and
void. All of the guests felt It, and already
the bustle of departure was In
the air. But to the best man and the
maid of honor It was a ghastly, appalling
fact that made them linger on the
steps after the others had re-entered
the bouse, staring blankly after the
carriage that bad disappeared around
the corner. Then the man remembered
where he was and pulled himself together
with an effort.
"Seems rather like the end of things,
doesn't It?' he observed as they turned
Into the doorway.
"From our standpoint, yes," was the
llstloss answer. Then she caught her
Hp between her teeth and darted a
quick. Inquiring glance at him. That
was net precisely what she would have
chosen to say, and she hoped that he
would not notice It But at the sight of
the somber smile In his eyes the hope
<?k, ' passed.
In a anng corner of the deserted library,
where the farewells of the departing
gnests came to them but faintly,
she next found herself, without being
very clear as to bow she same
L i fib in i . ' -V
there. The best man was sitting In
front of her holding one of her hands .
in a protecting, big brotherly fashion,
while she vainly tried to keep back tbo
; tours thnt seemed to be rising as quiet- i
ly and relentlessly as a Hood. It was
no use. Higher and higher they came.
She winked hard and shut her teeth
firmly. Then she snatched her hand
away and covered her face.
"My poor little girl," murmured the
best man softly.
. "Weddings are always snd, don't you
think?" she gasped out. dabbing at her
eyes with her handkerchief and giving
a little hysterical laugh. "Still, I don't
usually behave like this. You see. when
your best friend marries?she?that is?
everything is different nnd"? She gave
up trying to explain the situation in despair
and ended with an incoherent,
"But it's all very ridiculous, and I don't
know why 1 should say all this to
you."
She was the picture of helpless, girlish
misery, and the best man's heart
ached for her. Momentarily his sympathy
took the edge off his own loneliness.
He winced at the thought of her
having to suffer alone the maddening
sense of loss that tormented him.
"Perhaps it's because misery loves
nAinnnttv "
?.Mt.uuj, .it oiliu fccuuy. -remaps
you foci thnt this wedding hasn't been
altogether like other weddings to me
either," he went on, with a matter of
fact air, us if it were the most natural
thing in the world that they should
be confiding in each other.
She was watching him with a dawning
understanding in her eyes, and he
met her gaze with a whiui3icul smile,
as if he were offering her the open
book of ills soul to read if she would.
"Do you mean that you. too"?
There was no need to complete the
! question, for it was answered before it
i was spoken. Involuntarily her hands
1 went out to him in quick, warm sympathy.
and though her only comment
, was a breathless "Oh!" it was eloquent
' with feeling.
Little by little her composuro came
back to her.
i "It was so good of you to tell me."
she said gratefully. "I think I feel as
Robinson Crusoe did when he dlscovj
ered the man Friday.
I "Not that I'm glad that you're un!
happy, tbo." she added quickly; "ouly
It doesn't seem so lonely now thnt I
know that there is some one who understands.
After all, that's what makes
life worth living. Isn't it?" she finished,
lAAMnr. ?* ' * *
ivumufe u|# ul uilu wnu wuai scemcu to
j hi in the sweetest look he had ever seen
' In a girl's face.
When at the end of six months the
bride and groom returned from their
honeymoon abroad the best man and
the maid of honor were among the first
of their dinner guests,
j "See here: it seems to me that yon
two have been making hay in our abI
sence," laughed the bride, noting with a
! woman's quick instinct the deep, strong
understanding that seemed to exist bo.
tween the two. whereupon her. 11 stent .
kia iirrt-i?c" n somewhat humorous,
albeit confused, glance, but refused to
explain.
The following June they were married.
Just before the Lohengrin march
the organist played "Consolation," at
which such of the guests as recognized
, the selection elevated their eyebrows
! and wondered. But the bride and groom
alone were in the secret. It was a case
of in memorlam.
The Professor's Love Story.
An amusing story is told concerning
Professor Duncan of St. Andrew's university,
who was in his younger days
a teacher in Dundee. The embryo
professor proposed to a lady, who curt]
ly refused him. Shortly nfterward Mr.
Duncan became Professor Duncan, and
the lady beard no more of him, not
even by letter.
Some time after she went to St. Andrew's
to try the effect of sea bathing.
She saw Duncan often, and be
talked to her on every subject except
the subject she was now apparently
Interested In.
At last she courageously screwed up
her courage and, coming to the point,
said: |
"Mr. Duncan, there was n subject
yon once mentioned to me some time
ago, and really I am rather surprised
that you have never recurred to it, for
I have changed my mind since that
time."
The professor simply remarked:
"Yes, but I, too, have changed my
mind."?London Tit-Bits.
The On* Who Was Mad.
A corpulent German came rushing Into
the circuit court one morning before
court was called and said: j
"I vant to git varrant for a man to
kill a tog."
"Well, my man, you don't come to
this court to get warrants in cases of
that kind. If you want the dog killed
you should go to a police court," said
tho Judge.
The German started to leave, when
the Judge inquired in an Interested
manner:
"Did the dog bite you?"
"Yeas, he bit me."
"Well, was the dog mad?"
"Vns de tog madt? No. I vas madt."
?Buffalo Ccmmerclal.
Jtim Opporiuntty Cam*.
Rear Admiral Char lea D. Sigsbee, U.
8. N., was once advanced after a long
and patient wait from commander to
captain. On the day that he was promoted
he went ashore and kept the
launch which was to take him to his
ship waiting beyond the appointed
time. When he finally strolled down,
Paymaster Charles W. Blamm, who
was In charge of the launch, said: "Captain,
yon?you have Just been promoted,
and yon?yon have made a bad beginning.
Ton have kept the boat waiting
ten minutes, sir." "Bo calm, Mr. I
Blamm," said the new captain, with a
tantalising grin; "I've been waiting
years for the privilege." t
\ ' ? iSfe to tv %
^ DR. I. Iv(
?i DEN
Crown and Bridge
Work a .Specialfry.
ANIMALS' WANDERINGS.
Rati tlit Moat Minratory?Lcinmln|?
Race Willi Death.
The fable of the country mouse und
the town mouse lias a foundation in
fact. Mice occasionally migrate In
large numbers when food grows scarce
nnd travel considerable distances to
fresh bouses. Fanners in a part of
Perthshire had a good reason to become
aware of this fact when a couple
of years ago vast swarms of mice Invaded
their cornfields at harvest time.
But the mouse only travels when it
has to. The rat, on the contrary, seems
to take a yearly outing in very much
the same fashion as do human beings.
Bats arc the most migratory creatures
in the world. Whole troops of rats
leave the towns at the end of summer
and spend a month or two in the couutry,
apparently in order to enjoy the
change of food, which the county affords
at that time of the year In the
way of fresh fruit and grain, ltefor
the cold weather sets in they are m
back In their old quarters.
Itcindcer migrate with the same regu
larity ns swallows. They move south
when winter sets lu, but as soou us
ever the snow begins to melt they
travel steadilv nnrtli
? ? VVU.^?iujivo * V/l UO
much as a thousand miles.
To end a holiday by deliberate suicide
is so strange a phenomenon that
for a long time naturalists looked upon
the stories of the migration of the lemmings
as an improbable fiction. Yet
the facts are beyoud dispute. At irregular
intervals these rat-like creatures
start out from their J^oines in the
fastnesses of northern Scandiunviu in
hnge droves, numbering tens of thousands,
nnd travel steadily southward.
Death pursues them in a hundred
forms. Hawks and other birds of prey
hover above them. Foxes, wolves nnd
man decimate them. Thousands are
drowned In rivers. Yet the rest struggle
on until they reach the sea. They
do not stop. They plunge in, swim out
and struggle on untii at lust their
strength fails and they drown. Not
one ever returns from this Journey of
death.?London Answers.
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
When an attorney offers to settle,
listen. I
Some men try to get business by
fighting people.
The successful business man is one
who knows what people will not do.
When a man gets discouraged and
quits, the doctor says afterward, thnf
**jac vras jtrai rnetrmc wnen fie should
have held on.
When one of the town boys marries
nn out of town girl it creates more
"feeling" than when a town girl imports
a husband.
When n man wunts to sharpen a
knife he hunts up a whetstone. When
a woman wants to slmroen 11 knife she
takes a few swipes on a crock.
It ofton happens that the woman
who has a reputation far and wide as
a Judge of a good bargain seems to fait
down when she picks out a husband.?
Atchison Globe.
Mediaeval Monarch*.
Almost every mediaeval monarch
claimed the whole or a part of the
dominions of almost every other and
Insisted on inserting his claim in his
list of official titles. In treatises and
all official documents the whole list
was religiously copied, and as it often
happened thnt the two negotiating
monarchs had some of the same titles
it became usual to insert a clause in
the list, non praejudlcando, in order to
indicate that, no matter how absurd,
inappropriate or untrue were the titles,
they were understood to be Inserted because
they pleased the monarch who
claimed them, that they did not confer
a valid claim, and so no harm was
likely to result from their use.
An laffnloni Scheme.
A story Is told of n Chicago glrj
whose verses were always "declined
with thanks" who hit upon the following
unique plan for having them
published. She would send n line of
verse from one of her poems to the
query column of some newspaper and
ask from what poem such a line came,
the name of the poem and of tho author.
A friend, also a rhymester,
would send the querist's own poem to
the paper with the desired information,
and of course It would appear in
print. The querist would do the same
for the friend and so on until between
them they had all their "poems" printed.
Feathered nitrometer*.
There are lots of birds which prophesy
rain and storm In their actions.
Crows, gulls, wild duck, snipe, plovers,
woodpeckers, cormorants, wild and
tame swans and most of the wading
birds show great restlessness when
stormy weather Is approaching. They
fly swiftly and often aimlessly np and
down, fluttering from tree to tree and
place to place, and usually scream loud
ly and harshly.?Nature.
Violated the Rales.
Assistant? Here's nn account from
your tailor among this morning's letters.
He writes on the back that he
wants a settlement at once. EditorReturn
It with a printed slip stating
that communications written on both
sides of the paper are unavailable.
Misery loves company, particularly
if the company has a bank account.
I ^
''V I
- ,
Office Bank Building
Union. S. OJ
i f ~
Humor and Philosophy
By DUNCAN N. SMITH
_i
Copyright, 19W, by Duncan M. Smith.
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
t
' Snakes cause great sufTering in prohibition
states by hibernating through
the winter.
In figuring relationship secoud cousins
do not count unless they have u
very large bank account.
^ J
George Washington's inability to tell
n 11c must lmvc been a great handicap
when he met up with the assessor.
An optimist is a man who takes New
Year's resolutions seriously.
?
New Year's resolutions are not made
to be broken, although they are. (
Sometimes when a boy is so good that
he is In danger of dying young his
mother is the only one who finds it out.
A. boy who is obliged to saw wood
morning and evening does envy those
youngsters who live in a coal country.
It is with the people who think that
seeing is believing that the three card
monte men dearly love to do business.
j Bve wasn't armed with a hatpin, ot
it might have been different when the
serpent tempted her.
There are thirty-nine reasons why
some women are old maids; the first la,
they were born so. The others don't
mntter.
Saved.
Doop in tho pocket of his vest
Ho felt with patient care.
And then lie tried the other side.
Hut, no. it wasn't there;
And every pocket in his coat
He went through o'er and o'er.
And in u trance ho searched his pants,
And then he walked the floor.
Back to the starting place he came
And made another try;
Again with zest through coat and vest
He made his fingers fly.
He turned the lining inside out.
Looked through them all once more,
And In despair ho paused to swear.
And then he walked the floor.
But Hopo once more, the sly coquette,
Said. "Look again and see;
It may be you In glancing through
The place where they should bs
Have missed the object of your search.
So feel again with care."
But no reward this effort scored.
And the? he tore his hair.
But. hold, an inspiration cornea!
He rushes down to where
The vest he wore the week before
Is hong awny with care.
He reaches up and murmurs, "Saved!
Thank goodness, here they are!"
Then with dispatch ha strikes a match
And lights a fat cigar.
Looking Forward.
It Is pleasant to take down the book
and read the sunstroke remedies nt this
tlmo of the year. It mnkes a man feel
as though there was something in llfo
to look forward to.
It must he admitted that sunstroke is
one of the things to which distance
lends enchantment. It Is only when
viewed from a snowbank that they
seem to be desirable tilings to have and
n form of amusement that would suit
the most fastidious.
Along in July one docs not feel as
though he would rnther have a sunHlrokc
than eat, but he does feel n little
bit that way In January unless the
grub Is particularly tempting. At that
' time of the year as he looks over the I
remedies he begins to think that a rec- |
Ipe for having them would be more Interesting
reading than printed directions
as to the way to avoid thena.
No Spender.
"Yes, he always has mouey in his
pocket."
"I notice he keeps it there."
No Improvement.
Wo havo the horseless carriage
And other "less" things pat.
As for the girl-less slelghrlde,
Please don't present us that.
Willing to Prove It.
"Are you certain you can keep a secret?"
"Positive. Give me n three days* trial
and see."
'
Humor and Philosophy
By DUNCAN N. SMITH
, .
Copyright, 1904. by Duncan M. Smith.
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
The mnn who colors government
blankets dyes for his country every
day and never gets u pension.
Good luck seldom gets monotonous.
When Fortune knocks nt the door
some people are grumbling so loud that
they don't hear her.
Silver lining may do for some people,
but the millionaire has his clouds gold
lined.
The worst thing about habits Is that
so many of them are bad.
A thing of beauty Is an expense from
start to finish.
As a time saver people who always
must have a joke dissected for them
should wear n placard inscribed, "Tell
me when you are going to laugh and
why."
A little learning is n foolish thing.
A word to the wise Is not sufficient
He wants a thirty day note.
When n man Is long on dollars wo
overlook his shortcomings.
No man can live up to the opinion his
wife had of him before they were married.
Marrlages may be made In heaven,
Doubtless Eve had enough tact not
to offer Adam apple pie when he was
out of humor.
Where She Was Strong.
Bho couldn't write a good critique;
On Browning she was shy;
No foreign language could she speak;
Of mathematics dry
Bhe hardly know a little bit.
And yet the maiden mado a hit.
Her beauty wasn't very much;
No cultured artist, she;
No grand piano at her touch
Buret forth In melody.
Tor she could neither play nor sing.
But she was thought the proper thing.
Her hair no artist raved about;
Her checks were common pink.
Quite round and dimpled, too. no doubt.
And babyish. I think.
But still this was no reason why
Bhe should be lauded to the sky.
The reason that this simple girl's
Success was Just Immense
Was that In folly's giddy whirls
Rhf* thr* OHA cor>oa
In picking parents, one sweet spring,
Bho chose for dad a copper king.
Not His Fault.
"Why don't you work?"
"Nothln* dolu' in uiy liue," replied
Airy Artie.
"What's your business?" Bald the
questioner.
"Messenger to Mars," returned Artie.
Made the Difference.
"Jones has n most wonderful memory."
"I don't think so. I lent him a dollar
a month ago."
"But I borrowed one of him two
weeks ago."
Compensation.
There, little boy, don't ory;
They havo tanned your Jacket, I know.
And the small expanse of your boyish
pants
Is warm with a flery glow,
But you'll be a btg man by and by.
And then you can lick the smaller fry. I
There, little boy. don't cry.
Not In Real Life.
"Qnlps is such a great humorist."
"Yes, Indeed; even his wife can see
the point of his Jokes."
"I always thought she was kind
hearted."
The More You Beat 'Em.
"1 don't think Charlie really loves
me," said the young wife.
"Why?" said her confidante.
"He never has made me feel bad
once."
Next Higher.
To he a Roman was greater than a klr.g.
That's what the people said about the
place.
No doubt the natives meant by such a
thing
To be a Roman was to be an ace.
Didn't Have To.
"Tie doesn't know enough to come in
when It rnins."
"1 notice be knows enough to swipe
umbrellas."
S?,- v
??mmmmU, |^ |? A
1 AN ODD FISH.
Queer Marin* Koniter a Natural B*.
ear to Whale*.
I While operating at a fishery lu Admiralty
Island, Alaska, one summer my
attention and the attention of the fishing
crew were almost dully attracted to
a large marine creature that would appear
In the main chaunel of Seymour
canal and our immediate vicinity.
There ore large numbers of v) hales of
t|ie species rorqual there, uiul the monster
seemed to be their natural enemy.
The whales generally travel in schools,
and while at the surface lo blow one
would be singled out and attacked by
the fish, and a buttle was soon in order.
It Is the nature of the rorqual to
make three blows at Intervals of from
two to three minutes each, and then
sound deep and stay beneath the surface
for thirty or forty minutes. As a
whale would come to the surface there
would appear always at the whale's
right side and Just abo\it wl.cre his
head would connect with the body a
great loug tail or fin. "Judged by five
fishermen and a number of Indians,
after seeing it about lirteen times nt
various distances," to be about twentyfour
feet long, two uud one half feet
wide at the end and tapering down to
the water, where It seemed to be about
eighteen inches in diameter, looking
very much like the blade of the fan of
an old fashioned Dutch windmill.
The great club was used on the back
? ,uv uutuiiuimic wuaie in sucn a
manner lliat It was a wonder to ine
that every whale attacked was not Instantly
killed. Its operator seemed to
have perfect control of Its movements
and would bend It .back until the end
would touch the water, forming a
horseshoe loop; then with a sweep It
would be straightened and brought
over and down on the back or the
whale with a whack that could be
heard for several miles. If the whale
was fortunate enough to submerge Itself
before the blows came, the spray
would fly for a distance of a hundred
feet from the effect of the stroke, making
a report as loud as a yacht's signal
gun.
What seemed most remnrkable to me
was that, no matter which way the
attacked whale went or how fast (the
usual speed Is about fourteen knots),
that great club would follow right
along by Its side and deliver those tremendous
blows at Intervals of about
four or five seconds. It would nlways *
get in from three to five blows at each
of the three times the whale would
come to the surface to blow. The
whale would generally rid itself of the
enemy when It took its deep sound,
especially if the water was forty
fathoms or more deep. During the duy
the attack was always offshore, but
at night the whales would be attacked
tn tho bay and within 400 yards of the
fishery.
I do not know of any whales being
killed, but there were several that had
Qtre&ibntofe e/M? .fumeo. on their backs,
told that there was only one. that it
had been there for many years and th&t
It once attacked an Indian canoe and
with one stroke of the great club
smashed the canoe Into splinters, killing
and drowning several of its occupants.?Forest
and Stream.
Slam.
The worth thing that can happen to
a man in Slnm is to got into debt, from
which there is never nny escape, owlug
to the exorbitant interest chargod.
Once In debt there is no appeal, the
debtor being stripped of hi3 clothes and
compelled to work in fetters, generally
for the rest of his life, to pay the Interest.
Drunkards nre not permitted to
give evidence in the law courts of
61am. The Buddhist priests, clad in
yellow robes, nre to be seen everywhere
In Bangkok, nnd it is quite common
for young men to enter the priesthood.
which affords them an easy nnd
luxurious existence, owing to the liberality
of the populace toward any one
anctloned to the service of Buddha.
A Chinese Colambni.
The belief in a Chinese Columbus was
flrst nllowed by scholars only In the
first half of the last century. The
claim is that a Buddhist priest in the
fifth century crossed the Pacific to th^s
continent nnd returned, making a writ;
ten report of his discovery. The report
still exists. It was trnnslated into
French in 1791 by M. de Gulgnes. It
crnvo a ?n rra 11VO r\t O trntro cm nnofnrnr/1
by a priest for 20,000 11. where be found
a country which he named Fusang.
People similar to the Indians were described.
as well as American plants.
The only doubt about the matter Is as
to the distance meant by 20,000 II. The
priest may have reached only some Island
In the Pacific ocean.
Well Timed.
"That was a great sermon you
prenched this morning." said the old
churchwarden, "and It was well timed
i too."
I "Yes." rejoined the parson, with a
deep sigh. "1 noticed that."
"Noticed what?" asked the puzzled
warden.
"That several of the congregation
looked at their watches frequently."
! answered the old man, with another
deep sigh.?London Telegraph.
An I'npnrdnnRlilc Fnnlt.
I Figg?Ooodmnn is dead. He bus led
a most beautiful and n correct life.
Everybody prnls?* him. For??But
confound him. he trumped my nee once
when we were playing partners at
whist.
Sorry lie Spoke.
Culler?What dkl slater say when
you t.?h1 her 1 was here? Tommy?
5! o a Id. "Oh. thunder!"?Boston Trnveler.
llhyt'm end t'me In the art of mushj;>
: i e vi < fro n t1 e heart, not fro"in
' t? i '.bine ? Dr. Joachim.