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Uncle Walfe ^ Siori/* \ntk yonf L BALED MUSIC K 44T*^HERE'S goih" to be a great eonA cert at the opera house toK night," said the retired merchant, "and if you'll go along with me. Til pay your way and buy yoo five rents' worth f" on?a nnfhinir f?OIllrt he I more liberal than I&l lli^B 'Tou'll break IP^^P -i::^H yourself up In business if you go WjHr^| around wasting your substance in that fashion." reft 1 plied the hotel keeper. But you have to hunt up another ffp|j& ^^|||| ?*j victim. Since I bought a phonograph a bunch % ?* recor^8 1 have quit going to , ttocerts. There's nothing bpt vanity i Od vexation of spirit about an entertainment of that kind. It's advertised t? start at a certain hour, say eight tfclock, and you are credulous enough to think that the specifications will be ? ?- 4>? a Ko mo ctron I~ firm up IV. IUU lliraa (I uuuir gviuy tm get there in time, and when you arrive, at ten minutes to eight, you find I you're the first one there. You sit around, waiting for an hour or two, and people walk on your feet and sit down on your hat and make things unpleasant as rouble. "By the time the curtain goes up, you are wishing you had possessed sense enough to stay at home. But, being there, and having paid for the privilege, you determine to hold her nozzle agin the hank, as it were. 'The entertainment usually is j opened by a talksmlth. The man who makes a few remarks always looms up at such entertain', "nts. and should he taken to jail for obtaining money under false pretenses. When he has said all that he can think of. the artists begin to dish tip the music. It may be elegant music?it usually is. But yon can't enjoy it in comfort, for Ft he gentleman with the large splay foot, in the seat dirertly behind you. persists in heating time with that organ t until he drives you frantie. If you turn around and dot him in the eye, you will be ejected from the building. Then you will find that the woman with a shrill, carrying voice, who has hjard better sjngers sits rljrht in ffont xooexxx . I MO I f -1 CIT 1 i OIL [> 1 I* X W * A. r ?i ?1? ? . I Spleiw r sih \ KINGSTREE jr * > of you. and sfie"keeps on talking In a maddening way. Ttu? last concert I attended had a fin* ftvntralto who sang some gtem-wlnding songs of the kind we all tike. But the woman with the shrill voice was right in front of me. and I could hear her saying: 'Really, you should hear Margaret Keyes or Christine Miller sing that selection; this woman is impossible as a vocalist.' "Then a man with a hectic voice and a name that he imported without paying duty on it, stood up and whinnied like a doggone zebra, and we were expected to believe that he was sing * .. I ing :i Neapolitan song, i iiev?r m-mi anything that filed rny nerves the wn.v tlmt voice did. It recalled the halcyon days when my father used to sharpen a hacksaw with a rasp. Well, when he finished his first number, the applause was frantic, and he reared up and did it all over again. Then the applause was louder than ever, and he whinnied something else. They kept that blamed pirate there for half an hour, and I don't know when I suffered so much. "The hall was overheated, and I was jammed in the middle of a row of seats so I couldn't get out without climbing over a number of ladies and gentlemen. We were kept there for three hour*, i and when I got out I swore by my . Sunday bat I'd never go to another nnhllc concert. "Next <lay I bought a phonograph and a lot of records of the kind I like, and now I enjoy my music. I start It when I get ready, and quit when I am tired. No punk singers are encored. No Windy Jims introduce the singers with a few pertinent remarks. If a singer displeases me, 1 stop the ma- i hine and throw the record into the alley. You'd better tear up your con- ' cert ticket and come and hear my mu- > sic mill." Hard Hit "What's wrong, old man? You look blue." "Had a scrap with my wife this morning." "Oh. don't let a little thing like that worry you. A thunderstorm clears the atmosphere, you know." "Yes. hut that doesn't help a man who's been struck by lightning." ? Huston Transcript. ! Of Course. "You made a big how! that you were out for civic betterment." "We did." "Yet your program consists solely of setting your crowd into office." "Well, ain't that civic betterment:" j New Rich. "Well, what's < ti the tapis today?" 1 asked the social secretary breezing in. j"I hci-. t noticed." answered Maw ! lToptoad. "Maria. <!ij you spill any- j on the tapis?" kill I PYV I VERR <* t T 3io Line at Price * iij ' F' ' * t Vf *\ * * Tf>I* jISIT m y li^iwtiUiUiUiyiiyiiWtTUrWiiUiu^? in^AVSVWS^AoAAA n?n * SOUTHERN DAIRY MA!. INTO NEW F1SI 3 ' ,'' % Professor W. W ^"itzpat rick professor of dairying at ClemAmi College. Sooth Carolina, is new!" ippointed to mid-western iory with headquarters In Ohi-? he extension service of the \ . , t it r.iiarnopv 666 breaks a cold quicker than any ; remedy we know. HEY, LEGION! WANT o HELP THIS PUDDIET & a1 Does the local post of thr American Legion want to adopt this French war orphan, Alfred Picaud. now 6 years old? It costs only $75 a year; keeps Alfred in school and permits his mother, a struggling seamstress, to have him with her. His daddy. Sergeant Picaud. of the famed Blue Devils. Chasseurs Alpines, was killed on the flhemin des Dames. Many Legion posts are re-^dopting war orphans. Robert Tyndail, national treasurer. American Le^ gion. Indianapolis. Ind.. can give you all the information you want ' about Alfred Rub-My-Tism curee bruises, cuts, turns, sores, etc. iJPfe < a> i COMI IAN' i of Lad :s You < i's De "V*V V? V>VWV>VVVVVMV)V' #b? 1- \ AAAArv<n*WVorV !$3S.O I Going at I Yes, we a | once. Merc ? wonder at t v | This Sale I and 1 '? After that date, ? h|3 There are thoi S tion here as our a Goods, Dress Wear, Notions a selves cannot thi ? but we positive ?! above date. I Evens $ The Leader a ^ The store between th SK?S?;-K?afci-K-K-Kfii-'+J: fHE i TO S B1 ies' Co: Can't D partm XXXXXXXX*#! XXX OMO Cost and re selling to :hants will n his sacrifice < r% wm * Starts m Ends Deceml Everything Goes B; usands of items, t space is limited, Goods, Clothin; and hosts of othe ink of. We will i_. i ly nave iu laisc on&Ks *s "We e Old Marcus Store and Kiifit-EBSH-; titita vvvvvvvvvw AAVVoAAAAAAA . 11 [G S ats an uplicai lent J < \ VWWWWW4 A*WWWVAtVAAVVVV( OTflOin ulUulU Below Cost raise $20,000 at i ive, people will 3 of merchandise. 3 rloir Haa 1A I uajr, uct. tu j t?er 20th I ? ick to Normal Prices . ? I that we cannot men- ? such as Shoes, Dry ? y. Ladies' Ready-to- $ :r articles that we our ? lose $5,000 to $8,000 ? : the money bv the ? 1 iminsky I Sell it for Less" | [ Steele Furniture Company ju v^vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv ! i: >ALE | :C d Suits | ta J 3C !?: y J1UI V g South Carolina | ^YV^????W??V??^ ?vAA*vAAAAA A A A A AA A