The county record. [volume] (Kingstree, S.C.) 1885-1975, December 09, 1920, Image 3
Uncle Walfe
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L BALED MUSIC
K 44T*^HERE'S goih" to be a great eonA
cert at the opera house toK
night," said the retired merchant, "and
if you'll go along with me. Til pay
your way and buy yoo five rents' worth
f" on?a nnfhinir f?OIllrt he
I more liberal than
I&l
lli^B 'Tou'll break
IP^^P -i::^H yourself up In
business if you go
WjHr^| around wasting
your substance in
that fashion." reft
1 plied the hotel
keeper. But you
have to
hunt up another
ffp|j& ^^|||| ?*j victim. Since I
bought a phonograph
a bunch
% ?* recor^8 1 have
quit going to ,
ttocerts. There's nothing bpt vanity i
Od vexation of spirit about an entertainment
of that kind. It's advertised
t? start at a certain hour, say eight
tfclock, and you are credulous enough
to think that the specifications will be
? ?- 4>? a Ko mo ctron
I~ firm up IV. IUU lliraa (I uuuir gviuy
tm get there in time, and when you arrive,
at ten minutes to eight, you find I
you're the first one there. You sit
around, waiting for an hour or two, and
people walk on your feet and sit down
on your hat and make things unpleasant
as rouble.
"By the time the curtain goes up,
you are wishing you had possessed
sense enough to stay at home. But, being
there, and having paid for the privilege,
you determine to hold her nozzle
agin the hank, as it were.
'The entertainment usually is j
opened by a talksmlth. The man who
makes a few remarks always looms up
at such entertain', "nts. and should he
taken to jail for obtaining money under
false pretenses. When he has
said all that he can think of. the artists
begin to dish tip the music. It
may be elegant music?it usually is.
But yon can't enjoy it in comfort, for
Ft he gentleman with the large splay
foot, in the seat dirertly behind you.
persists in heating time with that organ
t until he drives you frantie. If you turn
around and dot him in the eye, you
will be ejected from the building.
Then you will find that the woman
with a shrill, carrying voice, who has
hjard better sjngers sits rljrht in ffont
xooexxx
. I MO
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f -1 CIT 1
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. I Spleiw
r sih
\ KINGSTREE
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of you. and sfie"keeps on talking In a
maddening way. Ttu? last concert I
attended had a fin* ftvntralto who sang
some gtem-wlnding songs of the kind
we all tike. But the woman with the
shrill voice was right in front of me.
and I could hear her saying: 'Really,
you should hear Margaret Keyes or
Christine Miller sing that selection;
this woman is impossible as a vocalist.'
"Then a man with a hectic voice
and a name that he imported without
paying duty on it, stood up and whinnied
like a doggone zebra, and we were
expected to believe that he was sing
* .. I
ing :i Neapolitan song, i iiev?r m-mi
anything that filed rny nerves the wn.v
tlmt voice did. It recalled the halcyon
days when my father used to sharpen
a hacksaw with a rasp. Well, when
he finished his first number, the applause
was frantic, and he reared up
and did it all over again. Then the
applause was louder than ever, and he
whinnied something else. They kept
that blamed pirate there for half an
hour, and I don't know when I suffered
so much.
"The hall was overheated, and I was
jammed in the middle of a row of seats
so I couldn't get out without climbing
over a number of ladies and gentlemen.
We were kept there for three hour*, i
and when I got out I swore by my .
Sunday bat I'd never go to another
nnhllc concert.
"Next <lay I bought a phonograph
and a lot of records of the kind I like,
and now I enjoy my music. I start It
when I get ready, and quit when I am
tired. No punk singers are encored.
No Windy Jims introduce the singers
with a few pertinent remarks. If a
singer displeases me, 1 stop the ma- i
hine and throw the record into the
alley. You'd better tear up your con- '
cert ticket and come and hear my mu- >
sic mill."
Hard Hit
"What's wrong, old man? You look
blue."
"Had a scrap with my wife this
morning."
"Oh. don't let a little thing like that
worry you. A thunderstorm clears the
atmosphere, you know."
"Yes. hut that doesn't help a man
who's been struck by lightning." ?
Huston Transcript.
!
Of Course.
"You made a big how! that you were
out for civic betterment."
"We did."
"Yet your program consists solely
of setting your crowd into office."
"Well, ain't that civic betterment:"
j
New Rich.
"Well, what's < ti the tapis today?" 1
asked the social secretary breezing in. j"I
hci-. t noticed." answered Maw !
lToptoad. "Maria. <!ij you spill any- j
on the tapis?"
kill I
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SOUTHERN DAIRY MA!.
INTO NEW F1SI 3
' ,'' %
Professor W. W ^"itzpat rick
professor of dairying at ClemAmi
College. Sooth Carolina, is new!"
ippointed to mid-western iory
with headquarters In Ohi-?
he extension service of the \ . ,
t it r.iiarnopv
666 breaks a cold quicker than any ;
remedy we know.
HEY, LEGION! WANT o
HELP THIS PUDDIET
& a1
Does the local post of thr
American Legion want to adopt
this French war orphan, Alfred
Picaud. now 6 years old? It costs
only $75 a year; keeps Alfred in
school and permits his mother, a
struggling seamstress, to have
him with her. His daddy. Sergeant
Picaud. of the famed Blue
Devils. Chasseurs Alpines, was
killed on the flhemin des Dames.
Many Legion posts are re-^dopting
war orphans. Robert Tyndail,
national treasurer. American Le^
gion. Indianapolis. Ind.. can give
you all the information you want '
about Alfred
Rub-My-Tism curee bruises, cuts,
turns, sores, etc.
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COMI
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I Yes, we a
| once. Merc
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| This Sale
I and 1
'? After that date,
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h|3 There are thoi
S tion here as our
a Goods, Dress
Wear, Notions
a selves cannot thi
? but we positive
?! above date.
I Evens
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space is limited,
Goods, Clothin;
and hosts of othe
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Below Cost
raise $20,000 at i
ive, people will 3
of merchandise. 3
rloir Haa 1A I
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t?er 20th I
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ick to Normal Prices . ?
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that we cannot men- ?
such as Shoes, Dry ?
y. Ladies' Ready-to- $
:r articles that we our ?
lose $5,000 to $8,000 ?
: the money bv the ?
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Sell it for Less" |
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