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UncleWatt's Siori/v&A IRONIES OF LIFE 44'T^OMUELSON made a taik to the A Commercial club, on 'Business Efficiency,'" observed the retired mer chant, "and the next day nis store was closed by the sheriff." "Life is full of such ironies, doggone m?St every ^ay" man-killing brutes, and the way he could make them eat out of his hand, half an hour after being formally introduced to them, was a sight worth going miles to see. He always had immense crowds at his ex bibitions, and it seemed that his future was assured. But one day he was loafling around a livery stable, just because he liked the atmosphere of the place, and an old, weary hack borse reached out a long, crooked limb, handed him one with it, and broke his leg. "He had to go to a hospital for a while, and when he came out his occupation was gone. He was as good a horse breaker as ever, but people wouldn't pay their hard-earned money to see the exploits of a conquering hero who had been manhandled by an old hack horse. You must admit that there was some sardonic intelligence back of such a joke as that. If the man had been hooked by a cow, or run over by a traction engine, or chewed up by an honest watchdog, it wouldn't have hurt his renown and prestige. But, no! A blamed old relic of a horse had to put him out of business. "A long time ago. a very important case was tried in an Irish court. The people were greatly wrought op over It, and the courtroom was crowded. When It was announced that the jury was ready with a verdict, the Judge addressed the audience, saying he knew there was much feeling over the case, but the hall of Justice was no olace for a display of it, and if there A A I This is IDut a display a< also look well before entrusting We have with a large capi merit it, and yot We pay ^ 11 %/ %/ placed with us u The KINGSTREE ssKMnrawms 4^ was a least sign of disturbance win the verdict was made known, the gu ty parties wouid be arrested. 'The jury brourht In its verdict, ai the people heard it in silen<*\ hut ju then a whole doggone gallery, wl ahout a thousand people in it. car crashing down, and the noise cou have been heard forty miles out at sf After the judge's solemn warnii against a disturbance, the fall of th gallery has always seemed to me If a painful Joke. "A long time neo. I was called up< to address a crowd of voters on tl li\ing issues of the day, and I frara up a speech that would have been credit to any orator. I swiped it frc Roscoe Conkling. and I have alwa insisted that he was one of the grot psr i>i American sjicaKcrs. im> nvu wa? full of refined and cultured pe pie. and I was determined to make t hit of mv life. I was just pettii warmed up to my work, when tl lights went out. and the hall w plnnsred in hlack darkness. Then nothing makes a man feel more idiot than to have the lights shut off such a time. The women in the am ence were giggling, and the men ha hawing. It seemed funny to everybo but me. "I thought I knew where the lit! table was, that held the pitcher of 1 water, and I moved toward it ai fell over a chair, and flattened a nose against the edge of a piece scenery. When the lights we flashed on again, as suddenly as th went out, the audience beh^d t Ai*ofAi* nn htc honrla qi liTCl lUU^UCU VIQlVl v>i . knees, climbing slowly to his feet, a: trying to mold his nose into its orlj nal shape. "I never saw such a delirious cro\ In my life. Some of the worn laughed themselves'into hysterics, a: the fool men weren't much hett< They never heard the balance of th oration, and the last part was t best." Alliteration. Alliteration occurs sometimes in tl writings of the ancients, but not, It supposed, designedly, as they regar ed all echoing of sound as a rhetoric blemish. Cicero, in the "Offices," h this phrase: "Senslm sine sensu aet senescit;" and Virgil in the "A neld," has many marked alliteratioi ?William Mathews. Try, Try Again. "Lottarox was telling me that 1 has been trying for six months wil out success to get a passage to see t battlefields of France." "Evidently the wind has chanpt He spent two years trying not to s them, with success."?The Americi Legion Weekly. Have you anything you want prii ed? Bring it to us. We do a hij F I not a su< bustin' ] J for discriminating into their resource y their savings and passed the ninetee tal and a big surpli i sleep well and res 'ou 5 per cent. Intt p to July 15th will Bai i '? " x feyjt' r ' ^ . v / en Pre-.To protect tie I't-iio jiii fleet ru light without IiiU'i jering with tlie il luiniuation in otner directions, a metal iSt shade, to lie attached to a lamp with a , wire spring. has been patented, n*! 0 Id ^ In Seattle i The man who slopped j. stranger tr at I ?:i.v "What's that on vour face?" *?n< Ijq j then, when after a moment of puzzlln; I silence, answered himself: "Yotn [>0 nc.se," renimine from the hospital -aii [,e he was convinced that Tennyson whj P(j right In concluding that "a sorrow"! a crown of sorrows is remembering hap im P'er things." ? Seattle Post-Intelll ys Pfn<>pr,t I se j Substitute for 0:>:d to- What is said to be 11 ser IcenMe sub he stiMite fi t gold is obtained by comhin ag trig !M t<arfs of copper with six parti he of antiir.onv and adding a little mag as nesluitl carbonate to Increase th< s's weight. It is said that this nllov car tic be drawn, wrou. and soldered vert at much like gold and that it also re 11- ceives and retains a golden polish. W- I fly The New York Life Insurance C< tie has over three billion dollars insui ce ance in force. Represented by R. I Qd Mills. f-23-tf< ay of The New York Life Insurance C< re is the strongest life insurance com ey pany in America. Represented by F h* D. Mills. 9-23-tf< ad ad i ? ?i- ! . . , ' ? | CYPRESS , ail ^ SASH hi j \ DOORS t BUNDS *i| S as I ?l % w rl ee MOULD1INUS yp* an AND MILLWORK it- __ ?h " -1' i R :ker proposition is it th [ people and others w :s, earning capacity ai surplus funds. nth year mark of oui js and profit fund, ^ t easy once it is place :rest on your Saving bear interest as if pla ok c 4 k4-!4!4-!4!4!4M-!4!4-!4?4-!4-!4-H 1 Pittsb > rjfl | S ELE :lWi?e 3 A1 v | | For Farm, F ? ? THE BEST \ X H The k: 4 ? ?; | WE HAVE A ( !; f. ' NISH YOU HOG FEI >. i FENCING, HORSE I S MOUS "PITTSBURG j I Every ] i WE ABSOLUT g FECT" FENCING TO i IN ALL RESPECTS | IZING AND THE EI p OF THIS GTJARANTI ^ COMPANY, OWNINO | DEPENDENT PLAN' I King ? $ "the po: IS KINGSTREE, a I K<K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K^^-K?4 C E ^ / i nor e propositi of a hr* fa\/r?r nnt nnlv pffir IIV/ 1UT V/l nvr w vr id immediate manager! corporate existence; A^e have the experienc d with us. Deposits, computed t ced on deposit July 1st >f K % I urg Per ICTRICALLY WELDED i r enc Sultry, Garden am VIRE FENCING IN THE W( ind that stopped the elephant. 100D SUPPLY ON HAND A ICING, SHEEP FENCING lND CATTLE FENCING ( 1 PERFECT" TYPE. r lvuu viuai am I ELY GUARANTEE "PITTi BE EXACTLY AS WE RE ? TO QUALITY OP WIRE .ECfrRICALLY WELDED JC 3E STANDS THE PITTSB I AND OPERATING THE ] TS IN THE WORLD. iardware PULAR HARDWARE STOI -0- SOUT 1SS8SSS3B^S^^SSS(SS^^3S3SS^SSS^S^BS^ 8 888 S3o 883 8?m8???? fiSS 388 8So SS? 8? 3SffiS?a53J 8?2 IT j \ ' on busted si ient service from banks, lent, as well as their C are prosperous and p e and want vour busin %/ ivery thred months, i the beginning of this < 4 ingsti SOUTH CAF feet J' ing d Lawn ORLD. j * ? ' * ND CAN FUR- jj * POULTRY | W TWB PA- ! ! Ijr 0i ||| || . j ' | ~ I j Co., II 7 ! .-V tE" ' i: H CAROLINA j f_ fttt rr rX*" r*"r P^ftflfrSnfflinO^nnBiff^ !?o | sb * jfes shh IttACI | 1 but who 4: H >irectorate, rogressive, ess. We \ny funds j| luarter. H ee I g 10LINA. 1 | .....