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JEST wgr JESTIN ^ CONFIDENCE Old Man: What were you think ing about? Old Woman: I was just thinking how long we had lived together and that it couldn’t go on forever like this and the time will soon come when one of us will have to go. Old Man: Yes, but it’s no use to worry about that now. Old Woman: No, but I was just thinking that when it does happen, I would like to go to California to live. Philosophical Notes One of the nicest things about gardening is that if you put it off long enough, it eventually is too late. All it takes to make a plain wom an beautiful is a man’s imagination. Many women will tell th&ir age without hesitation. They’ve re hearsed it for years. Comparison The Sunday-school teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jimmy interrupted. “My mother looked back once while she was driving,’’ he announced trium phantly, “and she turned into a telephone pole!” NOT FOR HER . MUTT AND JEFF By Bud Fisher JITTER By Arthur Pointer WYLDE AND WOOLY By Bert Thomas Vd like a nice, conservative suit—like the one I'm wearing." "I wish Alvin would realize we're not interested in his conversation with Emmy Lou." “My dear,” said little Nancy’s aunt, “I’m surprised to learn from your mother that you don’t like to wash your face. Why when I was ^our age I washed my face at least ttu'ee times a day,” “Yes, auntie,” was the reply, “but look what hap pened to it.” In A Hurry O’Connor: Hey, how come you drove your car over here when you only live next door? Skelton: I didn’t want to waste time calling a cab. Wants Company The split personality is not neg lected. A timid little man visits a psychiatrist and begs him to split his personality. When the doctor asks why, he answers in a sad voiced “Oh, doctor, I’m so lone some.” DISCOVERIES It was Johnson’s first game on the golf links, and the caddy was being exercised to the limit. “Guess I’m about the worst player you’ve ever seen,” Johnson remarked, fi nally. “Well, not exactly, sir,” replied the caddy, “but you sure have discovered spots on this course that I never knew were ’ here.” Sly Husband Mert: *Td like to get a divorce. My husband and I just don’t get along.” Gert: “Why don’t you sue him for incompatibility?” Mert: “I would, if I could catch him at it.” DECISION “Now, then, Johnny,” said his teacher, “if your father gave you seven cents and your mother gave you six and your uncle gave you four more, what would you have?” Johnny wrinkled up his fore head and went into silence for the space of several minutes. /’Come, come,” said the teach er impatiently. “Surely you can solve a simple little problem like that.” “It ain't a simple problem at all,” replied the boy, “I can't make up my mind whether I'd have an ice-cream soda or go to the movies.” SOME SALESMAN! Did you ever have any real ex citing experiences while you were a traveling salesman? About twenty years ago—I was ordered out of a Wyoming town by a notorious two-gun man who didn’t Lke the cut of my clothes. Well, I suppose you lost no time in getting away? No—I bought him a couple of drinks and sold him the suit. Natch! • A reader wants to know which is more important to a man, his wife or his trousers. ,We’d say his trousers ... he can go lots of places without his wife. Suspected “My wife spends too much money, nags me constantly, is very untidy and doesn’t understand me." “Really? When did you meet this other woman?” Not Required A fraternity sent its curtains to be laundered. The next morning a note arrived from the sorority across the street: “Dear Sirs: May we suggest that you procure curtains for windows. .We do not care for a course in anatomy.” The immediate answer read: “Dear girls: The course is optional.” Most Everything With her hand on the light switch, the little woman interrupted her in terminable chatter to inquire: Ts everything shut up for the night, dear?’ From out, of the darkness came her husband’s patient reply: “Ev erything else, dear.” TIME’S UP The attorneys for the prosecution and defense had been allowed fif teen minutes each to argue the case. The attorney for the defense had commenced his argument with an allusion to the old swimming- hole of his boyhood days. He told in flowery oratory of the balmy air, the singing birds, the joy of youth, the delights of the cool water— And in the midst of it he was in terrupted by the drawling voice of the judge: “Come out, Chauncey,” he said, “and put on your clothes. Your fif teen minutes are up.” Not News A hotel guest and her six-year- old son were on the elevator and the operator remarked to the moth er: “You have a mighty cute little boy there/’ And immediately the dignified little boy said calmly, “She knows.” NOT AFRAID Minister — “Now, Macpherson, why don’t you fight against your longing for drink? When you are tempted, think of your wife "at home.” • Macpherson (thoughtfully)-— “When the thirst is upon me, I am absolutely devoid of fear.” FORESIGHT A New York City employer has ordered the following notice to be posted in his business premises: “Any workman desiring to at tend the funeral of a near rela tive must notify the foreman be fore ten A.M., on the day of the game.” It Will Toe! Said the toe to the sock: “Let me through; let me through.” Said the sock to the toe: “I’ll be darned if I do.” Very Fitting VERY fat lady showing new dress to a friend: “I made this out of old feed sacks.” ' Friend—“How appropriate.” Fast Men Are Slew Pay It is a mighty mean man who hasn’t enough philosophy in his make-up to realize that he is get ting his money’s worth when he Is paying alimony. Mother-Daughter Style Is Pretty as a Picture i pRETTY as a picture, and fun to wear — adorable mother “and daughter styles that are so nicely fitted, carefully detailed. • • • Pattern No. 8369 la a sew-rite perfo rated pattern in sizes 10, 12, 14, 16, 18. 20. Size 12, short sleeve, 4% yards of 39-inch. Pattern No. 8370 is a sew-rite perfo rated pattern for sizes 3, 4, 9, 6. 7, 8 s. Size 4, 2% yards of 39-inch years. TWO SEPARATE PATTERNS. SEWINO CIRCLE PATTERN DEPT. 367 West Adams St., Chleaga 6, 111. Enclose 30c in coin for each pat tern. Add Sc for 1st Class Mall if desired. ’ y ( Pattern No. Size...,. Name (Please Print) Street Address or P. O. Box No. City State elps on m 'say many old folks about good tasting SCOH’S EMULSION Clearing Table In clearing the table a big tray or a tea wagon—or your movable kitchen table on wheels brought at least to the kitchen door—will prove a great help in making one trip do the work of severaL e • e Remove Bluing , If you get too much bluing in a garment on washday, you can re move most of it by soaking the article in a gallon of water to which two or three spoonfuls of vinegar have been added. • • • .< Clothesline Slack i Homemaking specialists s u g- gest adding a short piece of link chain to one end of a clothes line. Then the slack can easily be taken up by hooking a link further back on the chain. • • • , Cleaning Range / When food spills over on the surface units of your electric range, let it char.* When the unit is coed, remove the particles with a brush. If needed, enclosed units may be washed off. 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