The sun. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1937-1972, December 14, 1951, Image 7
JEST wgr
JESTIN ^
CONFIDENCE
Old Man: What were you think
ing about?
Old Woman: I was just thinking
how long we had lived together and
that it couldn’t go on forever like
this and the time will soon come
when one of us will have to go.
Old Man: Yes, but it’s no use to
worry about that now.
Old Woman: No, but I was just
thinking that when it does happen,
I would like to go to California to
live.
Philosophical Notes
One of the nicest things about
gardening is that if you put it off
long enough, it eventually is too late.
All it takes to make a plain wom
an beautiful is a man’s imagination.
Many women will tell th&ir age
without hesitation. They’ve re
hearsed it for years.
Comparison
The Sunday-school teacher was
describing how Lot’s wife looked
back and turned into a pillar of salt,
when little Jimmy interrupted. “My
mother looked back once while she
was driving,’’ he announced trium
phantly, “and she turned into a
telephone pole!”
NOT FOR HER
. MUTT AND JEFF By Bud Fisher
JITTER By Arthur Pointer
WYLDE AND WOOLY
By Bert Thomas
Vd like a nice, conservative suit—like the one
I'm wearing."
"I wish Alvin would realize we're not interested
in his conversation with Emmy Lou."
“My dear,” said little Nancy’s
aunt, “I’m surprised to learn from
your mother that you don’t like to
wash your face. Why when I was
^our age I washed my face at least
ttu'ee times a day,” “Yes, auntie,”
was the reply, “but look what hap
pened to it.”
In A Hurry
O’Connor: Hey, how come you
drove your car over here when you
only live next door?
Skelton: I didn’t want to waste
time calling a cab.
Wants Company
The split personality is not neg
lected. A timid little man visits a
psychiatrist and begs him to split
his personality. When the doctor
asks why, he answers in a sad
voiced “Oh, doctor, I’m so lone
some.”
DISCOVERIES
It was Johnson’s first game on
the golf links, and the caddy was
being exercised to the limit. “Guess
I’m about the worst player you’ve
ever seen,” Johnson remarked, fi
nally. “Well, not exactly, sir,”
replied the caddy, “but you sure
have discovered spots on this
course that I never knew were ’
here.”
Sly Husband
Mert: *Td like to get a divorce.
My husband and I just don’t get
along.”
Gert: “Why don’t you sue him
for incompatibility?”
Mert: “I would, if I could catch
him at it.”
DECISION
“Now, then, Johnny,” said his
teacher, “if your father gave
you seven cents and your mother
gave you six and your uncle
gave you four more, what would
you have?”
Johnny wrinkled up his fore
head and went into silence for
the space of several minutes.
/’Come, come,” said the teach
er impatiently. “Surely you can
solve a simple little problem
like that.”
“It ain't a simple problem at
all,” replied the boy, “I can't
make up my mind whether I'd
have an ice-cream soda or go to
the movies.”
SOME SALESMAN!
Did you ever have any real ex
citing experiences while you were
a traveling salesman?
About twenty years ago—I was
ordered out of a Wyoming town by
a notorious two-gun man who didn’t
Lke the cut of my clothes.
Well, I suppose you lost no time
in getting away?
No—I bought him a couple of
drinks and sold him the suit.
Natch!
• A reader wants to know which is
more important to a man, his wife
or his trousers. ,We’d say his
trousers ... he can go lots of
places without his wife.
Suspected
“My wife spends too much
money, nags me constantly, is very
untidy and doesn’t understand
me."
“Really? When did you meet this
other woman?”
Not Required
A fraternity sent its curtains to
be laundered. The next morning
a note arrived from the sorority
across the street:
“Dear Sirs: May we suggest that
you procure curtains for windows.
.We do not care for a course in
anatomy.”
The immediate answer read:
“Dear girls: The course is optional.”
Most Everything
With her hand on the light switch,
the little woman interrupted her in
terminable chatter to inquire: Ts
everything shut up for the night,
dear?’
From out, of the darkness came
her husband’s patient reply: “Ev
erything else, dear.”
TIME’S UP
The attorneys for the prosecution
and defense had been allowed fif
teen minutes each to argue the
case. The attorney for the defense
had commenced his argument with
an allusion to the old swimming-
hole of his boyhood days. He told
in flowery oratory of the balmy air,
the singing birds, the joy of youth,
the delights of the cool water—
And in the midst of it he was in
terrupted by the drawling voice of
the judge:
“Come out, Chauncey,” he said,
“and put on your clothes. Your fif
teen minutes are up.”
Not News
A hotel guest and her six-year-
old son were on the elevator and
the operator remarked to the moth
er: “You have a mighty cute little
boy there/’ And immediately the
dignified little boy said calmly, “She
knows.”
NOT AFRAID
Minister — “Now, Macpherson,
why don’t you fight against your
longing for drink? When you are
tempted, think of your wife "at
home.” •
Macpherson (thoughtfully)-—
“When the thirst is upon me, I am
absolutely devoid of fear.”
FORESIGHT
A New York City employer
has ordered the following notice
to be posted in his business
premises:
“Any workman desiring to at
tend the funeral of a near rela
tive must notify the foreman be
fore ten A.M., on the day of the
game.”
It Will Toe!
Said the toe to the sock:
“Let me through; let me
through.”
Said the sock to the toe:
“I’ll be darned if I do.”
Very Fitting
VERY fat lady showing new dress
to a friend:
“I made this out of old feed
sacks.” '
Friend—“How appropriate.”
Fast Men Are Slew Pay
It is a mighty mean man who
hasn’t enough philosophy in his
make-up to realize that he is get
ting his money’s worth when he Is
paying alimony.
Mother-Daughter Style
Is Pretty as a Picture
i pRETTY as a picture, and fun to
wear — adorable mother “and
daughter styles that are so nicely
fitted, carefully detailed.
• • •
Pattern No. 8369 la a sew-rite perfo
rated pattern in sizes 10, 12, 14, 16, 18. 20.
Size 12, short sleeve, 4% yards of 39-inch.
Pattern No. 8370 is a sew-rite perfo
rated pattern for sizes 3, 4, 9, 6. 7, 8
s. Size 4, 2% yards of 39-inch
years.
TWO SEPARATE PATTERNS.
SEWINO CIRCLE PATTERN DEPT.
367 West Adams St., Chleaga 6, 111.
Enclose 30c in coin for each pat
tern. Add Sc for 1st Class Mall if
desired. ’ y (
Pattern No. Size...,.
Name (Please Print)
Street Address or P. O. Box No.
City
State
elps
on m
'say many old folks
about good tasting
SCOH’S EMULSION
Clearing Table
In clearing the table a big tray
or a tea wagon—or your movable
kitchen table on wheels brought at
least to the kitchen door—will
prove a great help in making one
trip do the work of severaL
e • e
Remove Bluing
, If you get too much bluing in a
garment on washday, you can re
move most of it by soaking the
article in a gallon of water to
which two or three spoonfuls of
vinegar have been added.
• • •
.< Clothesline Slack
i Homemaking specialists s u g-
gest adding a short piece of link
chain to one end of a clothes line.
Then the slack can easily be taken
up by hooking a link further back
on the chain.
• • • ,
Cleaning Range
/ When food spills over on the
surface units of your electric
range, let it char.* When the unit
is coed, remove the particles with
a brush. If needed, enclosed units
may be washed off.
Thousands of happy
folks know this I Good-
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oiL Try it l See hew well you
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SCOTTS EMULSION
high chergy toh/c
.CONGESTION
WITH FAST MXtOP ACTION OF
PENETRO MDSE PIMPS
WHO! WAS JOHNSTOWN FLOW?
Check your 1952 St. Joseph
and Weather Chart. Facts prt |
galore I At any drug counter a KJ
m
ALWAYS POPS
OP CORN
FiLMS V
Han*y Way «•!
K*«p Tour Prii,
Vow nS Urn <fev*
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1 Wft Returned a |
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M cetortW
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0
UCR rtlOT DATtt 00 BACK
VAUIAB1I PIEMtuaS GIVIN
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Acts Chiefly to
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-NOT
VIU A
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stem say that many other
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MO
Plain or iodized
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If FteiER Bun Cuss Mm
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