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THE NEWBERRY SUN, NEWBERRY, S. C SUNNYSIDE , by Clark S. Haas THE OLD GAFFER By Pay Hunter SORRY, SONNY, I PONY NEED ONE/ I JUST TUCK MY FEET UNDER MV CHIN ON COLD NIGHTS/ BOUFORD By MELLORS [ MUTT AND JEFF JEFF WHAT DO YOU TwELL,R)R By* Bud Fisher CHARGE TO READ MINDS?, A GREAT MIND I By Arthur Pointer By Bert Thomas She'll Be Back if MAN, in his carefree bachelor days, had been very fond of a Washington restaurant which spe cialized in waffles with honey. Year after year he had journeyed to the place to get the delectable viand; so, when he finally married, he de cided to take his wife there, in order to share the pleasure with her. He did not tell her what was coming; merely ordering an excel lent meal, with two orders of waf fles. The meal came, the waffles came: but there were two small pitchers of near-maple syrup, and no honey. He called the waitress over, and whispered, loud enough for his wife to hear: “Where’s my honey?” The waitress beamed intelligent ly. “She’s on her vacation now, sir,” was her answer. TOO MUCH DISTRACTION “Did your garden do well this summer?” “No; every time my husband started digging he found a lot of worms, so he’d quit and go fish ing.” Material Wealth He had the misfortune to marry a lady with money, and scarcely were they back from the honey moon when she began to remind him of the fact. Whenever they bought something nice she’d in evitably come up with the remark, “Of course, if it weren’t for my money, we wouldn’t have that.” Then they got an expensive tele vision set and had a few friends in to admire it. After the guests had beamed and exclaimed sufficient ly, the wife said. “It’s beautiful, but as I keep telling Henry, with out my money, it wouldn’t be here.” This finally stirred the sleeping lion in Henry, who turned to his wife and exploded: “And now, let me tell you something. If it weren’t for your money—I wouldn’t be here either.” Violent Sermon When she was four, her parents decided it was time to take little Anne to church. So the following Sunday she accompanied them to services. The minister, up high in his pupit, was earnest and vigor ous. His voice rolled out over his flock in loud tones and low, as he waved his arms and torso. And he completely fascinated small Anne. Finally, clutching her father’s arm, she. asked worriedly, “What do we do if he gets out?” Bed and Board “Have a good night?” the hostess asked sweetly of the house guest who had slept on a couch. “Fairly good,” he answered sleepily, “I got up from time to time and rested.” Clearing It Up “I’m writing to tell Jack that I didn’t mean what I said in my last letter.” “What did you say in your last letter?” “That I didn’t mean what 1 said in the one before.” DESERVED DISCOUNT Toll Operator: “The rate is $1.20 for three minutes and 30c for each additional minute.” Caller: “Do you take anything off for just listening? I want to call mv wife.” NOTHING NEW Cannibal King: “What am 1 having for lunch?” Cook: “Two old maids.” Cannibal: “Ugh! Left overs again.” JESTIN' Even Stephen A WOMAN VISITOR to the city entered a taxicab. No sooner was the door closed than the car leaped forward violently, and after ward went racing wildly along the street, narrowly missing collision with innumerable things. The pas senger, naturally enough, was ter rified. She thrust her head through the open window of the door, and shouted at the taxi driver. “Please, be careful, sir! I’m nerv ous. This is the first time I ever rode in a taxi.” The driver yelled in reply, with out turning his head: “That’s all right, ma’am. It’s the first time I ever drove one!” THAT DID IT The lady and her dog boarded a train for a cross-country trip. When the conductor approached her she said: “I presume, sir, that since I have purchased a first class ticket for my Cuddles, she’ll be permitted to ride in a seat just like other pas sengers.” “Yes, madam,” replied the con ductor, “she’ll be permitted to ride in a seat, provided, of course, she doesn’t put her feet on the uphols tery.” Turn About “So you and your neighbor are not on speaking terms?” “No. My neighbor sent me a can of oil to use on my lawn mower when I started to cut the grass at six in th6 morning.” “And what did you do?” “I sent it back and told him to use it on his wife when she started singing at eleven at night.” Modest Request He fell asleep to the steady drone of his wife’s voice. The next thing he knew she was shaking him vio lently. “Wake up,” she exclaimed rath er angrily, “you’re talking in your sleep.” He' shook his sleepy head, yawned and protested, “Well, for heaven’s sake, you don’t begrudge me those few words, do you?” No Alternative “Why are you going to marry that police captain?” “It is against the law, you know, to resist an officer.” No Score “Jack was the goal of my ambi tion, but alas!” “What happened, dear?” “Father kicked the goaL” FAIR QUESTION Ann: “Mother, am l a canoe?” Mrs. Farmer: “Certainly not! What makes you think that?” Ann: “Well, you are always say ing you like to see people paddle their own canoes, and I thought I must be yours.” Naturally A man entered a drug-store and asked for a dozen two-grain quinine pills. “Do you want them put in a box, sir?” asked the clerk, as he was counting them out. “Oh, no, certainly not,” replied the customer. “I was thinking of rolling them home.” To Fit the Crime “Judge, so help me, I wasn’t going 60 miles an hour like the of ficer says. 1 wasn’t going 30 miles an hour. I wasn’t even . . . .” “Stop!” said the judge. “We’d | better close this case before you start backing up and hurt some body. Ten dollars.” Whittling It Down “How much do you still owe oo your car?” “Only a grudge against the man who aold it to mo.” Slightly Garbled “Mrs. Smith, did you say, in the hearing of my little girl, that I was a great rusty cat?” “No, my dear Mrs. Jones; 1 said you were a great aristocraL” LOGICAL PROCEDURE Lady in Restaurant: “Why don’t you shoo your flies?” Waiter: “Well, you see, it's hot today, so we thought we’d let them run around barefooted.” :, \~r NEEDLECBAFT PATTERNS Boys and Girls Love Sunsuits FIRST AID It the AILING HOUSE 1 i by ROGER C. WHITMAN Pattern 1. 2. 3. transfer: see oattern Send 20 cents, your name, address and pattern to 7167 L ITTLE outdoor-girls and boys just love these sunsuits! Gay embroidery in cunning designs decorates the bibs, sewing is easy too. • • • Thrifty sunsuits thrill the younirtersl Seertas Circle Needleeraft Dept. P. O. Bex 5740, Chicane SO. III. er P. O. Bex 102. Old Chelsea StaUea, New Terk 11. N. T. Enclose 20 cents for pattern. rio. ............ Nemo Address LOVES EASY RELIEF FROM CONSTIPATION! “Till recently I had to depend on un pleasant medicines for constipation. Never thought I would solve this problem. Then started eating toasty ALL-BRAN. So effec tive!” Mrs. E. Kaup- man, Clinton, N. J., Box 393. Just one of many unsolicited letters from ALL-BRAN users. This may be your answer to constipation due to lack of dietary bulk. Simply eat an ounce of crispy Kellogg’s ALL-BRAN daily, drink plenty of water. If not completely satisfied after 10 days, send empty carton to Kellogg’s, Battle Creek, Mich. Get DOUBLE YOUR MONEY BACK! Old Plaster Walls Falling Badly QUESTION: I live in an old brick house, over fifty years old. Recently, the inside wall of the exposed side of the kitchen has cracked in any number of places —not the ordinary cracking of plaster, but gaping cracks allow ing sand to pour out. In places so much sand has come out that holes are enlarging. The wall on the outside has been pointed up, painted with asbestos paint and house paint; the inside wall has many times been scraped, shel lacked and painted, but the peel ing and cracking return in a few months. ANSWER: I make the guess that the plaster was applied di rectly on the outside brickwork, with no air space between. This would explain the failure - of the plaster because of repeated chill ing and consequent condensation of moisture on the walls, leading to deterioration of the plaster. Some plasterers cut the job short by simply putting up metal lath and replastering over it. If my guess is wrong, and the old plaster was applied over lath on furring strips, you could have all the plast er well scraped and a plaster-like preparation applied with a trowel, to give a smooth, even surface. This is a type of bonding plaster, the name of v^hich you can obfain from the Architects Samples Ex hibit, 101 Park Avenue, New York 17. 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