The sun. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1937-1972, March 10, 1950, Image 7
THE NEWBERRY SUN, NEWBERRY, S. C
SUNNYSIDE , by Clark S. Haas
THE OLD GAFFER
By Pay Hunter
SORRY, SONNY, I PONY NEED ONE/
I JUST TUCK MY FEET UNDER MV
CHIN ON COLD NIGHTS/
BOUFORD By MELLORS [
MUTT AND JEFF
JEFF WHAT DO YOU TwELL,R)R
By* Bud Fisher
CHARGE TO READ
MINDS?,
A GREAT
MIND I
By Arthur Pointer
By Bert Thomas
She'll Be Back
if MAN, in his carefree bachelor
days, had been very fond of a
Washington restaurant which spe
cialized in waffles with honey. Year
after year he had journeyed to the
place to get the delectable viand;
so, when he finally married, he de
cided to take his wife there, in
order to share the pleasure with
her. He did not tell her what was
coming; merely ordering an excel
lent meal, with two orders of waf
fles.
The meal came, the waffles
came: but there were two small
pitchers of near-maple syrup, and
no honey.
He called the waitress over, and
whispered, loud enough for his wife
to hear: “Where’s my honey?”
The waitress beamed intelligent
ly. “She’s on her vacation now,
sir,” was her answer.
TOO MUCH DISTRACTION
“Did your garden do well this
summer?”
“No; every time my husband
started digging he found a lot of
worms, so he’d quit and go fish
ing.”
Material Wealth
He had the misfortune to marry
a lady with money, and scarcely
were they back from the honey
moon when she began to remind
him of the fact. Whenever they
bought something nice she’d in
evitably come up with the remark,
“Of course, if it weren’t for my
money, we wouldn’t have that.”
Then they got an expensive tele
vision set and had a few friends in
to admire it. After the guests had
beamed and exclaimed sufficient
ly, the wife said. “It’s beautiful,
but as I keep telling Henry, with
out my money, it wouldn’t be
here.”
This finally stirred the sleeping
lion in Henry, who turned to his
wife and exploded: “And now, let
me tell you something. If it
weren’t for your money—I wouldn’t
be here either.”
Violent Sermon
When she was four, her parents
decided it was time to take little
Anne to church. So the following
Sunday she accompanied them to
services. The minister, up high in
his pupit, was earnest and vigor
ous. His voice rolled out over his
flock in loud tones and low, as he
waved his arms and torso. And he
completely fascinated small Anne.
Finally, clutching her father’s
arm, she. asked worriedly, “What
do we do if he gets out?”
Bed and Board
“Have a good night?” the hostess
asked sweetly of the house guest
who had slept on a couch.
“Fairly good,” he answered
sleepily, “I got up from time to
time and rested.”
Clearing It Up
“I’m writing to tell Jack that I
didn’t mean what I said in my last
letter.”
“What did you say in your last
letter?”
“That I didn’t mean what 1 said
in the one before.”
DESERVED DISCOUNT
Toll Operator: “The rate is $1.20
for three minutes and 30c for each
additional minute.”
Caller: “Do you take anything off
for just listening? I want to call mv
wife.”
NOTHING NEW
Cannibal King: “What am 1
having for lunch?”
Cook: “Two old maids.”
Cannibal: “Ugh! Left overs
again.”
JESTIN'
Even Stephen
A WOMAN VISITOR to the city
entered a taxicab. No sooner
was the door closed than the car
leaped forward violently, and after
ward went racing wildly along the
street, narrowly missing collision
with innumerable things. The pas
senger, naturally enough, was ter
rified. She thrust her head through
the open window of the door, and
shouted at the taxi driver.
“Please, be careful, sir! I’m nerv
ous. This is the first time I ever
rode in a taxi.”
The driver yelled in reply, with
out turning his head:
“That’s all right, ma’am. It’s the
first time I ever drove one!”
THAT DID IT
The lady and her dog boarded a
train for a cross-country trip. When
the conductor approached her she
said: “I presume, sir, that since I
have purchased a first class ticket
for my Cuddles, she’ll be permitted
to ride in a seat just like other pas
sengers.”
“Yes, madam,” replied the con
ductor, “she’ll be permitted to ride
in a seat, provided, of course, she
doesn’t put her feet on the uphols
tery.”
Turn About
“So you and your neighbor are
not on speaking terms?”
“No. My neighbor sent me a can
of oil to use on my lawn mower
when I started to cut the grass at
six in th6 morning.”
“And what did you do?”
“I sent it back and told him to
use it on his wife when she started
singing at eleven at night.”
Modest Request
He fell asleep to the steady drone
of his wife’s voice. The next thing
he knew she was shaking him vio
lently.
“Wake up,” she exclaimed rath
er angrily, “you’re talking in your
sleep.”
He' shook his sleepy head,
yawned and protested, “Well, for
heaven’s sake, you don’t begrudge
me those few words, do you?”
No Alternative
“Why are you going to marry
that police captain?”
“It is against the law, you know,
to resist an officer.”
No Score
“Jack was the goal of my ambi
tion, but alas!”
“What happened, dear?”
“Father kicked the goaL”
FAIR QUESTION
Ann: “Mother, am l a canoe?”
Mrs. Farmer: “Certainly not!
What makes you think that?”
Ann: “Well, you are always say
ing you like to see people paddle
their own canoes, and I thought I
must be yours.”
Naturally
A man entered a drug-store and
asked for a dozen two-grain quinine
pills.
“Do you want them put in a box,
sir?” asked the clerk, as he was
counting them out.
“Oh, no, certainly not,” replied
the customer. “I was thinking of
rolling them home.”
To Fit the Crime
“Judge, so help me, I wasn’t
going 60 miles an hour like the of
ficer says. 1 wasn’t going 30 miles
an hour. I wasn’t even . . . .”
“Stop!” said the judge. “We’d |
better close this case before you
start backing up and hurt some
body. Ten dollars.”
Whittling It Down
“How much do you still owe oo
your car?”
“Only a grudge against the man
who aold it to mo.”
Slightly Garbled
“Mrs. Smith, did you say, in the
hearing of my little girl, that I was
a great rusty cat?”
“No, my dear Mrs. Jones; 1 said
you were a great aristocraL”
LOGICAL PROCEDURE
Lady in Restaurant: “Why
don’t you shoo your flies?”
Waiter: “Well, you see, it's
hot today, so we thought we’d
let them run around barefooted.”
:, \~r
NEEDLECBAFT PATTERNS
Boys and Girls Love Sunsuits
FIRST AID
It the
AILING HOUSE
1 i
by ROGER C. WHITMAN
Pattern
1. 2. 3.
transfer:
see
oattern
Send 20 cents, your name, address and
pattern to
7167
L ITTLE outdoor-girls and boys
just love these sunsuits! Gay
embroidery in cunning designs
decorates the bibs, sewing is easy
too.
• • •
Thrifty sunsuits thrill the younirtersl
Seertas Circle Needleeraft Dept.
P. O. Bex 5740, Chicane SO. III. er
P. O. Bex 102. Old Chelsea StaUea,
New Terk 11. N. T.
Enclose 20 cents for pattern.
rio. ............
Nemo
Address
LOVES EASY RELIEF
FROM CONSTIPATION!
“Till recently I had to depend on un
pleasant medicines for constipation.
Never thought I would solve this
problem. Then started eating toasty
ALL-BRAN. So effec
tive!” Mrs. E. Kaup-
man, Clinton, N. J.,
Box 393. Just one of
many unsolicited letters
from ALL-BRAN
users. This may be your
answer to constipation
due to lack of dietary bulk. Simply
eat an ounce of crispy Kellogg’s
ALL-BRAN daily, drink plenty of
water. If not completely satisfied after
10 days, send empty carton to
Kellogg’s, Battle Creek, Mich. Get
DOUBLE YOUR MONEY BACK!
Old Plaster Walls Falling Badly
QUESTION: I live in an old
brick house, over fifty years old.
Recently, the inside wall of the
exposed side of the kitchen has
cracked in any number of places
—not the ordinary cracking of
plaster, but gaping cracks allow
ing sand to pour out. In places so
much sand has come out that
holes are enlarging. The wall on
the outside has been pointed up,
painted with asbestos paint and
house paint; the inside wall has
many times been scraped, shel
lacked and painted, but the peel
ing and cracking return in a few
months.
ANSWER: I make the guess
that the plaster was applied di
rectly on the outside brickwork,
with no air space between. This
would explain the failure - of the
plaster because of repeated chill
ing and consequent condensation
of moisture on the walls, leading
to deterioration of the plaster.
Some plasterers cut the job short
by simply putting up metal lath
and replastering over it. If my
guess is wrong, and the old plaster
was applied over lath on furring
strips, you could have all the plast
er well scraped and a plaster-like
preparation applied with a trowel,
to give a smooth, even surface.
This is a type of bonding plaster,
the name of v^hich you can obfain
from the Architects Samples Ex
hibit, 101 Park Avenue, New York
17.
For Your Future Buy
U.S. Savings Bonds
MANY NEVER
SUSPECT
OF BACKj
Am m ft older, strew and •train, ov*r-
•xertion, oxoMaive smokiaf or aapoo
cold so me times slows down kidney
tion. This may lead many folks
plain Of netting backache, loss of
energy, headaches and dixxineea.
up nights or frequent passages m
from minor bladder Irritations due to
dampness or dietary indiscretions.
If your disoomforts are due to
causes, don’t wait, try Doan’s Pills, a mild
diuretic. Used successfully by millions for
over 50 years. While these symptoms may
often otherwise occur, it’s amaning how
many times Doan's give happy relief—
help the 16 miles of kidney tubes and filtsm
flush out waste. Get Doan’s Pills today!
Doan’s Pill
6
r A
Y
EAST Tfl
1 W
One application
MAKES FALSE TEETH FITH
for the life of your plates
It your pistes are loose and slip or hurt, refit
them for instant, permanent comfort with soft
Brimms Plasti-Liner strips. Lay strip on upper
or lower plate... bite cud it molds perfectly.
Hardens for lasting, fit and comfort Even on old
plates, Brimms Picsri-Liner gives good
rubber 1
rplsti _ ^
results from six months to a year or longer.
Ends forever mess and bother of temporary
_ mg. M |
sands of people at) over the country now got
with Brimms Plasti-Liner
Easy to Re-flt or Tighten False Tooth ParmunonWy
Tasteless, odorless, harmless to you end your
plates. Can be removed as per directions. Users
"New / can tat anything." Monty hack
say:
guarantee. $1.25 for liner for one plate: $2.29
for both plates. At your drug store.
If FfereR FfciN Clubs Wth
NEUMlfi)
. „, b in Ben-Gay- Con-
’ "of those two famous
^methyl
e^idely offered
copyrtabt _ _
BeivGau
>RI*INAL BAUMS ANAL&EStQUR
QUICK!
RUBIN
THC ORIGINAL BAUMS ANALGESIQUB
■m
: ■■■■*\