University of South Carolina Libraries
MUTT AND JEFF By Bud Fisher JITTER By Arthur Pointer SUNNYSIDE by Clark S. Haas GRANDMA By Charles Kuhn A charming southern belle named Tandie was being courted by a rather stem young banker. When queried by a friend about the prospects of a matrimonial al liance, Tandie said flatly: “If that stuffed shirt proposes, I’ll give him nothing but a deaf ear.” But less than a week later Tan die was wearing the young bank er's diamond. Her friend comment ed, "I thought you said you’d be deaf to any proposal from him.” "Yes, I did,” Tandie admitted, looking at the great, gorgeous dia mond in the engagement ring. “But I didn’t say I’d be stone deaf.” IMAGINE! m p Officer: "beyl Pull over to the curb, lady. Do you know you were doing seventy-five?” Cute She: “Isn’t it marvelous! —And I just learned to drive yes terday.” / Technique If Mrs. Case had stopped to think she probably wouldn’t have asked the window cleaner if he preferred a cup of tea or a glass of beer. One look at his face should have been enough to give her the an swer. However, he had a very good reason for choosing beer. “You see, ma’am,” he ex plained, “I find that beer always gives a better polish when I breathe on the glass.” Imagine! “What an evening! What an eve ning!” sighed the host after the last guest had left. “We had a wonderful time, though, didn’t we?” His wife agreed. “And old Senator Pompess,” the host continued, laughing, “Boy! He was tighter than a drum.” “How can you say such a'thing?” his wife demanded indignantly. “The Senator definitely was not intoxicated. Any man who can slide down the banisters without losing his balance certainly can’t be drunk.” Ouch! Tom was astounded that the judge had permitted the apparently guilty man to go scot free. “How did it ever happen?” he asked a court attendant. “Because he was deal.” ex plained the other. "What has that got to do with it?” demanded Tom. "Didn’t you know," asked the attendant, "that you can’t convict a man without a hearing?” GAGGED Stranger at crossroads store: “Who’s the close-mouthed fellow over there in the comer? He hasn’t spoken a word for the last fifteen minutes.” Another Village Loafer: “Him? That’s Jim Towsley. He ain’t close mouthed—he’s jess waitin’ for the storekeeper to bring back the spit toon.” ONE WAT TO DO rr “How’d you come out in that fight with your wife the other night?” "Aw, she came crawling to me on her hands and knees.” "What did she say?” "Come out from under that bed, you coward!" Butt-Insky A fellow took his wife to the movies but cou’dn’t hear because of the conversation going on in the row in back of him. When he could stand it no longer, he turned around to the fellow behind him. "Excuse me, but I just can’t hear a word,” he said. “Oh, you can’t hear a word, hub? Well, listen, mugg, whose business is it what I’m telling my girl?” It’s A Man’s World Women would rather be lookup around at than up to. SEWING CRChE NEEDLEWORK 530 Sooth Wells St. Chlooss 7. I1L Enclose SO cents for pattern. No. Name " Address FIRST AID to the AILING HOUSE by Roger C-Wbitmai Home Accident Deaths Number 35,000 in 1948 CHICAGO.—Home is where the heart is—and where the heart of the accident problem is, too. There were 35,000 home acci dent deaths in 1948—which makes the home America’s No. 1 acci dental killer. Falls were the greatest cause of home deaths last year, resulting In 18,200 fatalities. Bums, scalds and explosions came next, with a total of 6,000 deaths. Mechanical suffocation caused 1,800 deaths, to rank third in 1948. Special studies show that more than 25 per cent of fatal home ac cidents occur in the bedroom. The yard and kitchen are the next most hazardous locations at home, causing about 12 and 10 per cent of the deaths respectively. CHICAGO.—American motorists are learning to drive more safely, according to ths 1949 edition of the National Safety Council’s statisti cal yearbook, “Accident Facts.” The 1948 traffic volume was. the greatest in the nation’s history—8 per cent greater than 1947. Yet the po* YOUR RECIPE Fite wcetwsnes AwemAiiM squares! 'A. cup butter or margarine % lb. marshmallows (about 2% doz.) % teaspoon vanilla 1 pkg. Kellogg’s Rice Krispies (5V4 oz.) mileage death rate—deaths per 100.000,000 vehicle miles—was the lowest in the nation’s history. The 8.0 rate was 30 per cent lower than the average rate of 11.5 through World War II. If the higher rate had prevailed last year, 14,000 , more lives would have been lost, i iRICl MM Cook butter or margarine and marshmal lows over water until syrupy. Beat In vanilla. Put Rice Krispies In greased bowl and pour mixture on top. Mix well. Press Into EPrlS” greased shallow tin. Cut Into 2>4' squares when cooL Yield: 24 delicious Rice Krispies Marshmallow Squares. Everyone loves ’em! ■. Amusing, Practical A N AMUSING yet very prac tical potholder knitted in the shape of an ear of com of heavy yellow and orange wool. So simple and easy to do you can make more than one in an eve ning! Trim with green leaves and a hanging loop. To obtain complete knitting instruc tions. stitch illustrations, material rc auirements and finishing directions for Corn Cob Potholder. < Pattern No. 5907) Send 20 cents in coin, your name, address and pattern number. m s i 'A <x> 70% longer average life* Sta-ful Battery Saves Time and Money Th« amazing n.w Auto-Ufa Sta-ful Battury hat gruatur liquid rouarvu than ordinary bottortoo woods water only 3 tim*. a yaar. In addition, “Sta-ful" Batt.ri.s hav. Rbru-glau mat* for langur battury Ufa. Money caun.t bay ■ b.tt.r battury. Sou your n.ighborheod Auto-Utu Battury Daalor. QUESTION: Our drains are stopped up very often in spite of the fact that we have had the pipes cleared by a tree-rooter ma chine. I am of the opinion that it is a clogged vent and not tree roots in the pipes. Can you give me any advice? ANSWER: It is possible that the pitch of the horizontal soil pipe is insufficient, so that - grease and other sediment matter congeals and closes up the line and retards the flow of waste matter to the sewer. Re-laying of the pipe is one solution, if that is the case. I doubt if a clogged vent would cause the condition. The other solution to such a problem is to in stall a grease trap in the line from the kitchen sink and clean it out periodically. futod. * AUTO-IITI BATTIRV COIPORAMON 'According to tests conducted In accord* one* with S.A.E. lifo cycio standards. Ip PfcTER Run Clubs Mth NEURAlfill R fAS T RELIEF, famous F®** to 2 Vi times more ° . a iicylate am* menthol, than five «SC*lM BSW8S.«"-~r, Ben-Gau ORIGINAL BAUME ANALGESQUE QUICK! RUB IN THE ORIGINAL BAUME ANALGESQUE ■ 1 ft. ft, SiL Jr New York housewife gives her report: MOHtSmi astvmm KwromoN DUE TO SMOKING CAMELS! '"‘fcfcafe 3o-n. tout Ate w RO-, .5^ These were the findings of noted throat specialists in a coast-to-coast test of hundred* of men and women who smoked Camels, and only Camels, for 30 consecutive days. The throats of all smokers in the test were examined every week—a total of .2.470 careful cimmiaafions. sf'Ss.V.,,