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THE NEWBERRY SUN, NEWBERRY, S. C, DONT SHOOT FIRST BASEMAN UNLESS . . . Childhood Memories Drive Batter Berserk . . . YOU WISH TO BE SWITCHED TO THE MINORS By H. I. PHILLIPS A PSYCHIATRIC EXAM (Wherein Elmer Twitchell, hav ing shot a first baseman, is ques tioned for reasons.) Doctor.—Now, then, I want you to relax and let your thoughts run freely. Elmer.—Are you a good psychi atrist? Doctor.—Yes, I never played first base in my life. position did you Elmer.—What play? Doctor.—I was a southpaw pitch er in my college days. Elmer.—That does it! I must have my gun back . . . Please, my gun! ... It rests my nerves so! Doctor.—Quiet! I’m trying to help you out of a very serious jam. ^Miracles HEY sought the Master's healing touch. They followed Him down lane and field, And every ailing, seeking one Who came to Him was healed. O Master, Still today we come; The great throngs down the earthly roads. We bear our sorrow and our pain. We Stoop beneath our heavy loads. We pray, and often grief is Stilled, And pain becomes a Strange, paSt thing; Our loads are lifted, many times Even from our remembering. And these are miracles as great As those far ones on sea and land. All healing, all release, dear Lord, Comes from Thy hand, Thy unseen hand. 4 You shot a ballplayer and can go to prison. Elmer.—Do they put people in prison for shooting ballplayers? Doctor.—If they didn't some clubs would be bumped off in a single afternoon. Now, listen, there must be a psychopathic reason lor what you did. As a child how was your home life, and you'd better make it bad. Was there, for instance ever a Christmas when your folks spent $5 on your brother for a first baseman’s mitt and only $2 on you for a book? Elmer.—That could have done it. Doctor.—Did your father ever read the baseball summaries aloud? Did you ever live in Brooklyn back in the days of those eccentric infields? Was anybody in your family a base ball fanatic? Elmer.—I had an uncle who used to recite that Costello thing en titled "Who’s on First?" Doctor.—Good. I’ll make a note of that. In your infancy were you ever chased with a ball bat for not doing your homework? Elmer.—I seem to remember something like that. And I recall that as a little child I was taught to walk too early. I developed an aversion to walks. Doctor.—That would explain it if you shot a pitcher. In school did you ever have a teacher who wore a mask and chest protector? Elmer.—No, but I had a kinder garten principal who carried a sawed-off bat and insisted he had been ordered to bunt. Doctor.—In your immature years did you ever play softball? Elmer.—Yes. I was such a poor hitter I never got to first except when hit by the pitcher. And I never got to second because there wasn’t a .300 hitter on the team. Doctor.—Now it’s all clear. If you ever were to get to second base you knew you would have to shoot the first baseman . . . The idea took pos session of you! ... It became an urge! . . . You couldn’t re sist it! . . . We can explain everything to the court. Y'ou are as good as free. Elmer.—Goody! Goody! Can I have my gun back? Doctor.—Probably, but we may have to switch you to some other league! « • • President Truman says there is no depression. If you are out of work it is all a red herring. « * • Milton Berle and his former wife, Joyce Matthews, separated in 1947, were remarried the other day . . . The ceremony was disappointing to us as no Texaco quartette showed up to sing the wedding march . . . It was one time on a Berle pro gram where the other performer got equal billing . . . Everything went off smoothly. Surrogate Bill Collins, who presided, refraining from opening the ritual with “TeU ya what I’m gonna do.'' • • • VANISHING AMERICANISMS: “All I need is steady work to have a good bank account.” * “We’ll give you one month free rent during alterations.” * “Boys’ Suits! Nothing over $12.” • "Let’s live within our income.” ♦ •Tve got 50 dollars; let’s go to a nightclub." • • » When that new Sherwood-Berlin musical opens in New York the cry of the seat seekers may be “Give me Liberty or give me Kiss Me Kate.” Baccalaureate Gentlemen of the classes of 1949: I am going to scrap the plati tudes, ignore the old rhetorical pat terns and skip anything resembling baloney balonus. It will be a novelty, I am sure, to hear a baccalaureate a little dif ferent from th, one delivered last year. I give you these three all- important words of three and four letters which rate paramount im portance in the struggle ahead: "Use your head!" BY INEZ GERHARD I T’S NO WONDER that Ben Grauer is regarded as the out standing special events reporter in radio and television. Starting as an announcer, he was switched by NBC to special events reporting and climbed to the top of the heap. He has covered everything from presidential inaugurations to golf matches, UN sessions to eclipses In Brazil, Is much sought after as BEN GRAUER emcee for radio and television shows. Pleasing microphone per sonality and “the gift of gab” have helped make him a success, but the most important factor is his pro found knowledge of politics, sports, psychology, science, literature— practically everything he needs to know. Paulette Goddard says that curves are coming back into fa shion, so far as the girls of the country are concerned, because men like womenly women. Paulette has practiced what she preaches; she put on 10 pounds for her role as the wayward heroine of Colum bia’s "Anna Lucasta” to make the lady alluring, says she looks and feels so well she’s going to keep them. When a drama in CBS’ “Green Lama” series included two femi nine suspects named Susan and Leslie only a few of the intimate friends of writer William Froug knew that he was announcing the birth of his daughter, Susan Leslie. 100,000 gallons of water and nine days’ work by more than 100 'tech nicians produced the cloudburst which menaces Marguerite Chap man and little Natalie Wood in '“She Green Promise”—all done on • huge stage, indoors, at RKO. The Fiction * * BEST ALIBI ★ * Richard H Wilkinson Corner M AX SANDERS’ home had been robbed of jewels valued at $50,000. The jewels were kept in a wall safe behind a picture In Max’s study, which was located on the second floor of his Beverly Hills home. Inspector Ray Beatty was as signed to the case. Leo MacDougal, a police officer, who had been summoned from his beat, showed Inspector Beatty the evidence that had thus far been discovered. First there was a ladder placed against a window that opened into a second floor hall. This window had been discovered open. Inspector Beatty told MacDougal to summon all the servants. Then he questioned them. They all had good excuses. Sid Firbush, a secre tary, had spent the night at the movies with a friend. Edwards, the butler, had read in his room un til Mr. and Mrs. Sanders returned from a party, when he admitted them. It was right after that, that Mrs. Sanders went to the safe to replace the jewels she had worn, and found the others gone. Martha Greene, the housekeeper, had been in her room all evening. Her room was located on the sec ond floor. She had gone down to the kitchen about 10 o’clock for a bite to eat »nd found Viola Mat- son, the maid, there with her boy friend. Returning, Martha had passed Edwards’ room and seen Ed wards sitting by his table, reading. I NSPECTOR BEATTY dismissed the servants and went back to the study. He examined every inch of it. Then he went into the hall and examined that. He also ex amined the window and the ladder and the ground below the window. It had rained a little the night be fore and he found some footprints beside the ladder. They looked like men’s footprints. Inspector Beatty sought out Sid Firbush. He asked the secretary if Max Sanders held business confer ences in his study. Firbush said that he did. “The chances are, then, that he’s had occasion to open the safe when others were pres ent?” “It’s quite likely." “I want as complete a list as you can make me of all the people you’ve known to be in the study during the past month.” Inspector Beatty left Sid Firbush making out the list, summoned MacDougal and went down the hall. He entered one door after the next, first knocking to make sure the room was empty. Presently he re turned to the hall, bearing a pair of shoes. Carrying the shoes he returned to the study and asked Firbush if they were his shoes. “Why, yes,’ said Firbush. “Why? Where did you get them?" „ "Out of your closet. I searched the closets of all the servants till I found a pair of shoes with some mud on the soles. It was you who com mitted the robbery.” "You’re crazy. That’s a cock eyed theory. The robber came up the ladder.” “No,” said Inspector Beatty, “that’s only what you expected us to believe. That’s why you put the ladder there and left the window open. The robbery was committed before you placed the ladder there.” “How do you know that? You can’t prove it.” "I won’t have to. What I can prove is that no one came up the ladder. It rained last night. There was mud. There’s mud on your shoes. The shoes fit the footprints at the foot of the ladder. Yet there is no mud at all on the rungs of the ladder. If there had been I would have probably been fooled and not been sure that some one inside com mitted the theft. Besides you had the best alibi. I checked with the man with whom you said you at tended the movie. He broke down and confessed everything.” MacDougal was amazed. After wards he said to Beatty: “I didn’t know you checked with Firbush’s friend. When did that happen?” “It didn’t," said Beatty. mm pu/iie LAST WEEK'S ANSWER ■ ACROSS 1. Praise 5. Antelopes (Tibet) 9. Otherwise 10. Leather flask for oil 11. Metal tag 12. Explosion 14. Music note 15. Stitch 17. Sandarac tree 18. Wayside hotel 20. Male sheep 22. Molybde num (sym.) 23. Mine entrance 25. Panted 23. Long and tiresome 30. Highway 32. Curve 35. Music note 36. Attempt 38. Before 39. Expression of sorrow 42. An evergreen tree 44. Water god (Babyl.) 45. Marked with lines 47. Weaken 49. Ostrich-like bird 50. Poke 51. Fermented liquor from rice (Jap.) 52. Observes DOWN 1. A story from the past 19. Entire amount Employs Dishearten Sailor (slang) Wide mouthed jug Armadillo An East Asian herb Melody Trampled Good- humored, practical joking River (Afr.) 21. Cushion 24. Decimal unit 26. Chinese silk 27. Funeral pile 29. Indehiscent fruit 30. At a distance 31. Estimates the worth of 33. Doctrines 34. Perceive by the C&I* 37. Utters - sharp barks □□□Cl UUQi) □□HQ QHGU □□□DO □□□□!) □□□ □□Q UU HEaaaau Ban □aan aaaa aaaH aaaa Answer to Puzzle No. 1 40. Egyptian dancing girl 41. Search 43. Carried on the body 46. Owing 48. Sorrow SPEAKS - lnt«rnat.or\«l Umiarrn""^pH| MUiiyl Sunday School l.^orts rUl By DR. KEMHETH I, fODEMAW SCRIPTURE: Psalms 32; 51. 86:5; 130:1-5. DEVOTIONAL READING: I John 1:5—2:2. Right With God Lesson for July 24, 1949 PUZZLE NO. 8 sr^tET RIGHT with God” is an expression which has been sometimes used by people. It is not a coarse or cheap idea. It is the most important thing you can do. Think what it means to be wrong with God! That means to be out of harmony with his will, go ing “across the grain of reality” as the old Greeks used to say. To be wrong with God means to D r> Foreman be a rebel against reality, to have the power of the universe working against you, and so to be headed for sure destruc tion. Wrong with God, you cannot win. Right with God. you cannot lose. To be right with God means to be in line with the purpose that runs through all things; it means in the simple language of the Bible, to live as a child of God. . • • Mule or Man? •PHERE are two ways in which * man can come into line, so to speak, with God. One is by being whipped into it, and the other is by a free act of will. The poet of the 32nd Psalm begs his readers not to be like mules or colts (Ps. 32:9). These animals can be broken and controlled by their mas ters. But they do not understand what is going on, and if left to themselves they would never serve. They have to be canght, har nessed and driven. But God does not want to treat hnman beings like that. Getting right with God is not a business of getting into harness, being beat en into walking on the right road. That is not God’s way. He pleads with us through his inspired poet: Be not as mules—be men! • * • Facing Up to Yourself T HE short good Bible word for be ing wrong with God is Sin. The very first step toward being right with God is to see yourself as you are. No one ever went to a doctor till he at least suspected he was sick. No one ever went to school of his own accord who thought he knew everything. And no one will come to God who thinks he is as good as he needs to be. When life goes hard with us, when everything about our life seems twisted and rotten, we make all sorts of excuses for ourseh’es, we lay the blame on our parents or our friends of the social and economic system in which we live (doubtless all these have a share in creating our troub les), but we hate to look at our selves in the mirror of truth. This comes first: recognizing our own wrongness, not just weakness but wrongness. When we reach the point where we can say with the Psalmist, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me,” then we are on the right road. • • • “Hide Thy Face” T HERE are two things we never hear about in the Bible. One is that God never forgave anyone who did not repent, and the other is that he refused to forgive any one who did repent. But repentance is not merely regretting that a wrong was done; still less regretting being caught. Repentance, the kind the Bible describes (as in these Psalms for example), means a complete change of attitude, it means coming over on God’s side and seeing sin the way he sees it, seeing life the way he sees it. God’s forgiveness is not of the grudging, remembering, re minding kind. But condoning and forgiving are still a world apart. Condoning means saying in effect. It is all right, it makes no difference, you can go on sinning for all I care. Some human “forgiveness” may be like that, but not God’s. His forgiveness is based on real re pentance, and the aim of it is to save the sinner from his sin. • * • Plenteous in Mercy T HE Psalmists saw clearly what kind of God we have. He is not like the holder of a mortgage wait ing till the first time some payment is deferred gitps him a chance to pounce down and evict his tenant. We are not criminals against whom God is a prosecuting attorney, try ing to pile up evidence against us. “If thou shouldest mark iniquities, who shall stand?” We are children, lost and wandering children, rebel lious and disobedient children, but still children; and God holds open the door of mercy. (CopvrtKht by the Ir.ternational Coun- ell of Religious Education on benall of 10 Protestant denominations. ReleaseQ by WNU Features. * „ ★ * * ★ ★ * H0OSSHOID MfMOS I 'X-X'XmMwMMwX Freeze Foods for Future Use (See Recipes Below) Freeze your Foods R OAST TURKEY in mid-summer, broiled chicken in January and strawberry shortcake in Decem ber, these are some of the items which are a real possibility on menus if you have facilities for freezing your food. This may be a freezer right in your own home, or it might be space rented at one of the large lockers that are now available in so many localities. Foods know no season when it’s possible to freeze them, and, this, of course, is one of the best ways to avoid meal monotony. You simply freeze the food when it’s at the peak of the season, then eat it when you want it. Freezing food is one of the sim plest of preserving methods since foods require only a minimum of preparation, and they retain their freshness until thawed and pre pared. • • • ' How to Prepare Meat For Freezer r ’S a simple job to freeze meat for future meals and you need follow only a few simple rules to do it successfully. When choosing animals for freez ing, select those healthy ones of size and weight which will pro duce the quality of cuts preferred by the family. Excessive fat is un necessary, but an ample covering of fat protects the lean from dry ing out during the frozen storage. This latter does not apply to veal since that meat has little fat. These rules apply whether you purchase meats from a market or produce house. Ask for quality cuts from prime cattle, and mention that you intend freezing them and the butcher may be more careful in his selection. Once the carcass is prepared, chill the meat immediately as bacteria grow rapidly at the high tempera tures. Molds, bacteria and yeast may ruin the flavor of the meat un less it is chilled at once. Meat cutting is no job for a novice and should be done by the butcher or an expert meat cutter at a locker plant. You, however, should specify cuts you want, if you’ve purchased a carcass or part of one. It’s a good idea to have the meat cut in family size portions to eliminate waste, since the meat cannot, or should not be frozen once it has been thawed. It’s popular, too, to have meat boned since it requires less freezing space, and since the bones cannot puncture wrapping paper once they’re eliminated. • • • Proper Wrapping Saves Quality TT’S UNWISE to economize on ^ wrapping paper for frozen foods since the meat may dry out and “freezer bums” often result. Reg ular butcher paper, ordinary waxed paper or grocery store type paper are not used. Moisture and vapor- proof paper bags or cartons made especially for this purpose are best. They should be easy to fold, wrap or handle, tough enough to resist tearing, and capable of receiving an ink or china pencil mark for labeling. LYNN SAYS: Use These Freezing Tips to Help You Varieties are of great importance in the successful freezing of fruits. Apples for sauce, for example, should be Baldwins, Greenings, Northern Spy or Yellow Transpar ent types. Study the freezing space which will be available to you, and plan how much of each fruit, vegetable, meat or poultry you will have. Don’t overstock one item so that you can’t freeze something you want. LYNN CHAMBER’S MENU Chicken Shortcake with Gravy Buttered Lima Beans Carrot Sticks Beverage Cookies Peach Salad in Cherry Gelatin Peppermint Ice Cream Each bundle of meat in the freez er should contain enough meat for your family for a meal. Waxed or waterproofed paper may be used between each hamburger, steak or chop since this makes them easy to separate and hastens thawing once they come out for use. Or, in this case, you may readily remove two or three chops without thawing the whole package. Pull the proper wrapping tightly around the meat to smooth out all possible air and eliminate air pockets. The package should be smooth and firmly packed to con serve storage space. Seal the paper with a "drugstore fold” which means bringing one edge over the other and folding it over the shorter sheet. Now twist or fold the ends and seal with ace tate (scotch) tape. This tape is not affected by moisture or cold. Label all packages so you can easily identify them when you want them. The label should contain the type of meat enclosed, the number of servings or the weight in pounds, and the date on which it was wrapped for freezing. As soon as the meat is wrapped and labeled, place in the freezer. If you do not have a freezer at home, store the packages in the refrigera tor until you can take them to the locker, but this should not be more than a few hours. • • • Frozen Poultry Keeps Well Frozen poultry is one food which keeps well in its frozen state, and requires even less attention than freezing meat since you yourself can prepare it for freezing with no special tools. Clean the bird and dis joint it, and in place of cooking it, wrap it for freezing to be cooked several months later. Birds are killed, bled, plucked, chilled and dressed before they can be packaged. If you desire, it’s a great convenience to stuff the poul try and freeze it in that state, so the poultry is ready to pop in the oven for Christmas or Thanksgiv ing dinner. Do not use sage in the dressing if you expect to keep the bird more than three months since the flavor permeates the meat. Here’s a guide for chicken to be frozen: broilers should not weigh over two and a half pounds dressed, or be over 12 weeks old; frying chickens should weigh from three to three and a half pounds and be 20 weeks old. Fowl for fricassee may weigh from four to six pounds and can be from one to two years old. A roast ing chicken should weigh four to five pounds, but is best if not more than a year old. Capons should weigh from 7 to 10 pounds but should not be over 8 to 10 months old. Fruit juices for breakfast or bev erages are easily frozen. Select good juices from well - matured fruits and chill thoroughly. Extract the juice and pour into paraffin coated tubs or cylinders. Freeze immediately. Water used for washing fruit, berries and vegetables should have ice in it unless the temperature is lower than 65°. Speed the harvest to the freezer just as you speed food to the can for canning to prevent food value loss and deterioration. O'* ^ l ASK MR O l' ANOTHER I I A General Quiz fw. ^ The Questions 1. Where is the United States Military Academy located? 2. What is a native of Wales called? 3. From what source are the names of the United States battle ships selected? 4. What heavyweight champion was the largest in stature? 5. The word “chukker” is used in what sport? The Answers 1. West Point. 2. A Welshman. 3. The States of the Union. 4. Primo Camera. 5. Polo. Speaker to President James K. Polk of Tennessee WES the only speaker of the house of representatives to become Presi dent of the United States. Two speakers Inter became vice-presi dent, however, Schuyler Colfax and John N. Gamer. St. Joseph AdriniH hi ns Bedl • 4 FM TIRED—ALL RUN DOWN* 9 iw-wn Help your liver activity with aa old time product—improved by years ot research and experience. Try it UriAfC that makes folks nCiVVO sleep all night! 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QUtOC, HENRY, THE- [