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THE NEWBERRY SUN, NEWBERRY. S. C. Dangerous Desire A group of married men were discussing automobile accidents re cently. and counseling one another on the various safety measures to observe while driving, when some one introduced the query: "What tendency do you find hardest to overcome while driving your car?’* Answers to this important ques tion were vouchsafed by every man present save mousy little Hector Jones. “Give us the lowdown. Hector,” someone demanded. “What’s your most troublesome tendency while driving?" Hector blushed and hung his head. "Well, if you must know,” he stammered; “it’s the desire to talk back to my wife.” REVENGE AT LAST - The scientist had perfected a process to bring inanimate objects to life. He decided to try it out on the statue of a Minute Man of ’76 in a nearby park. It worked and after some minutes of creaking, the Minute Man stepped down from his pedestal. As he hit the ground, he cocked his long rifle and turned to the scientist. “One side. Bud, I’m going to shoot about two million pigeons.” - Filled a Need Sometimes the most amazing philosophy can come out of a bar room. Last week I overheard two pleasantly glowing gentlemen quiet ly reviewing their respective mari tal problems. The oldest one was approaching the saturation point. Gulping down his shot of rye, then clanging the empty glass on the mahogany, he growled: “Well, George, ol’ fellow, look at it this way—if m’wife didn’t drive me t’drink, what th’ heck good would she be?” Kitty, Kitty! Then there was the pompous look ing woman who was holding forth at a club meeting and telling of the dream she had had the night before. “It was terrible,” she explained. “I dreamed that all the animals that went to make up my furs were standing right there at the foot of my bed.” One of her listeners turned to another woman and said, “How silly of her to let a few alley cats frighten her.” Expert Knowledge A thrifty man went to a lawyer for advice. After the interview the man ran into an acquaintance and told.him about it. “But why spend money on a law yer?” asked the other. “When you sat in his office, did you see all the law books there? Well, what he told you you could read in those law books." “You’re right,” admitted the ad vice seeker, “but that lawyer—he knows what page it’s on.” NO HAT NEEDED A crowd of admiring friends had gathered around the owner of a horse who had come in first at Santa Anita, Belmont and Jamaica race tracks. "Will you race him in the der by?” asked one. "No," was the reply. “He’ll run bareheaded like the rest of them.” Why Complain? Pat and Mike were having dinner together. Pat helped himself to the larger fish and Mike said: Mike—Fine manners, ye have, Pat If I reached out first, I’d take the smaller fish. Pat—Well, ye’ve got it, haven’t ye? Get a NaU Visitor—Hey, look, the thermom eter’s falling i Native—Tsk, trie, probably wasn’t nailed up right NANCY By Ernie Btuhmiller MUTT AND JEFF By Bud Fisher LITTLE REGGIE * By Margarita JITTER By Arthur Pointer SILENT SAM Hardy Hogs SEWING CIRCLE PAHERNS "We got a remarkable brand of pigs down our way,” the Ozark hill billy said. "Razorbacks we call ’em. One day one of ’em found three or four sticks of dynamite and et ’em. A mean mule came along and kicked the pig agin the barn. The dynamite went off, the bam blowed up, pieces of the mule came down all over the country, and win dows was broken in houses for miles around, and let me tell you, for a coupla days.we had a mighty sick pig on our hands.” NOT INTERESTED “I must apologize for my danc ing. I’m a little stiff from bowling.” “My dear man, I don’t care where you’re from.” Land of Opportunity She was one of the British brides, and as the liner docked, she spotted her husband on the wharf, almost hidden by the beautiful flowers he was holding. She rushed down the gangplank, threw her arms around him and sobbed: “Darling, you shouldn’t have bought so many flowers for me.” “That’s enough of that, Katie,” crisply admonished Herman. “Get busy and help me sell them.” Constant Condition A nurse in a mental hospital no ticed a patient with his ear close to the wall, listening intently. The pa tient held up a finger as a warning to be quiet. Then beckoned the nurse over and said, "Listen here.” The nurse listened for some time and then said, "I can’t hear any thing." “No,” said the patient, “and it’s been like that all day.” All Done by Mirrors A mountaineer found a mirror. “Well, if it ain’t my old pappy. I never knowed he had a picture took,” he said. He took the mirror home and sneaked it up into the attic to hide it, but his action did not escape his suspicious wife. She slipped up to the attic and found the mirror. “Hum-mm,” she exclaimed, look ing into it. “So that’s the old hag he’s been chasing.” Strictly Man-Made Two women seated on a bus were holding a conversation when a woman wearing a peculiar looking fur coat got aboard. The coat was spotted in a mouse gray and a dirty white. Said one of the women, “I wonder what kind of fur is in that coat?” “I wouldn’t know,” replied her companion. "But I’m sure God never made an animal like it.” Where’s Tonto? Woman Customer (in bank)—I would like to make a loan. Bank Official—You’ll have to see the loan arranger. Woman—Who? Bank Official—The loan arranger. The loan arranger. Woman—Oh, you mean the one who says, Hi-Ho Silver? QUICK RESPONSE Sign in an apartment (first floor) window: PIANO FOR SALE. Sign in next door apartment (first floor) window: HURRAH! Sure of Identity A timid looking little man was be ing kidded by a group of merry makers at the club. “What are you—a man' or a mouse?” asked a noisy fellow. “A man, of course. My wife is afraid of a mouse.” Crack Shot Travelling Man—Does your wife miss you much? Another Travelling Man—No. She throws remarkably straight for a woman. Smooth Ou,o-f-^iecer j?or junior A 8135 11-18 Time Saver A SOFTLY tailored daytime dress that saves time in dressing—saves time in launder ing. Buttons to the hem and nar row self or contrasting binding on the bodice are particularly appeal ing. Button-Back Two-Piecer Y'OU’LL want to include this * pretty button-back two-piece frock in summer sewing plans. It’s young and gay with brightly hued ric rac for trimming. Unusual novelty buttons are nice to accent the front pleats. • • • Pattern No. 8135 comes in sizes 11, 12, 13, 14, 16 and 18. Size 12, 3% yards of 35 or 39-inch; 2 1 ,i yards ric rac. fJOUSENOLD Hints Glue pieces of felt on the bottom of your vases and they will not mar the surfaces of the tables on which they are placed. Coat the inside of lids on mus tard or horseradish jars with a thin layer of paraffin and they’ll not turn green. —•— Pull your card tables, folding chairs and games out of cup boards or sliding racks built into waste space under the stairs. —•— If you will place citrus fruits to be used in salad in hot water for a few minutes before peeling, the un der skin will come off easily. Pattern No. 8120 is designed for sizes 34, 36, 38 , 40 , 42. 44, 46 and 48. Size 36. short sleeve, 4^4 yards of 35 or 39-inch. Don’t wait—send today for your copy of the Spring FASHION, onr complete pat tern magazine. Fashions by top-flight de signers, tips on closet problems, free pattern printed in the book. 25 cents. Send your order to: SEWING CIRCLE PATTERN DEPT. 530 South Wells St. Chicago 7, 111. Enclose 25 cents in coins for each pattern desired. Pattern No -Size Name — Address— Race Horses Seriously Affected by Seasickness Horses are so affected by sea sickness that many thoroughbreds, after a rough sea voyage, have been unfit to race for as long as six months, says Collier’s. To avoid this hazard, a plane was used recently to transport six race horses from Limerick, Ireland, to Los Angeles, the first cargo of its kind ever flown across the Atlan tic. END LAXATIVE HABIT THIS EASY WAY! Keep an old tooth brush in your sewing box. The next time you have to rip out seams with a razor blade, use the tooth brush to brush off little threads along seams. Millions Now Take Healthful Fresh Fruit Drink-Find Harsh Laxatives Unnecessary To send coins through mail, cut a square from the corner of an old envelope. Slip coin in square and turn back the opening to hold it in. —•— If your neckline is long and thin, wear high necklines, sometimes softened with ruffles. —•— Good knives are a housewife’s helpers, so you’ll want to take good care of yours. Keep them away from the stove, because heat de stroys the temper of steel. If this happens the blade cannot be kept sharp. Stripes Came Before Stars In Flag of Our Country It’s lemon and water. Yea-just the juice of 1 Sunkist Lemon in a glass of water-first thing on arising. Taken first thing in the morning, this wholesome drink stimulates bowel action in a natural way-assures most people of prompt, normal elimination. Why not change to this healthful habit? Lemon and water is good for you. Lemons are among the richest sources of vitamin C, which combats fatigue, helps you resist colds and infections. They also supply Bi and P. They alkalinize, aid appetite and digestion. Lemon and water has a fresh tang, too-clears the mouth, wakes you up! Try this grand wake-up drink 10 mornings. See if it doesn’t help youl Use California Sunkist Lemons. The stripes on the American flag are older than the stars. The Grand Union flag of 1776, which George Washington hoisted over the American camp at Cambridge, Mass., as the first flag of tjie American colonies, had 13 red and white stripes, but no stars on its blue field. Instead, there were the combined crosses of St. An drew and St. George taken from the British flag and symbolizing the union of Scotland and England. The crosses were not replaced with 13 white stars until a year and a half later—on June 14, 1777. COCO SUFFERERS! 666 STARTS RELIEF IN JUST 6 SECONDS Q« famous, prvscription-typc I «««. for tuper-speedy rollof f from cold miseries. Try 664 Cold Tablets, or. s 666 Liquid Cold I Preparation today- fCaution: Uao only, directed. Easy, H Possible Supply Sergeant—Here, this ma chine will do half your work for you. Recruit — Thanks — may I have two of them? Young Realist Teacher—Correct this sentence: ‘‘Girls is naturally better looking than boys.” Pupil—Girls is artificially better looking than boys. Needed Some Sleep Angry Father—What do you mean by bringing my daughter home at 4 o’clock in the morning? He—Well, you sea, air, I have to be at work by 7. PS. Be sure you get America’s favorite rice cereal, the one and only Kellogg't Rice Krisples!