The sun. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1937-1972, March 28, 1947, Image 7
THE NEWBERRY SUN, NEWBERRY. S. C.
Dangerous Desire
A group of married men were
discussing automobile accidents re
cently. and counseling one another
on the various safety measures to
observe while driving, when some
one introduced the query: "What
tendency do you find hardest to
overcome while driving your car?’*
Answers to this important ques
tion were vouchsafed by every man
present save mousy little Hector
Jones.
“Give us the lowdown. Hector,”
someone demanded. “What’s your
most troublesome tendency while
driving?"
Hector blushed and hung his
head.
"Well, if you must know,” he
stammered; “it’s the desire to talk
back to my wife.”
REVENGE AT LAST
- The scientist had perfected a
process to bring inanimate objects
to life. He decided to try it out on
the statue of a Minute Man of ’76
in a nearby park. It worked and
after some minutes of creaking, the
Minute Man stepped down from his
pedestal. As he hit the ground, he
cocked his long rifle and turned to
the scientist.
“One side. Bud, I’m going to
shoot about two million pigeons.” -
Filled a Need
Sometimes the most amazing
philosophy can come out of a bar
room. Last week I overheard two
pleasantly glowing gentlemen quiet
ly reviewing their respective mari
tal problems.
The oldest one was approaching
the saturation point. Gulping down
his shot of rye, then clanging the
empty glass on the mahogany, he
growled: “Well, George, ol’ fellow,
look at it this way—if m’wife didn’t
drive me t’drink, what th’ heck
good would she be?”
Kitty, Kitty!
Then there was the pompous look
ing woman who was holding forth
at a club meeting and telling of the
dream she had had the night before.
“It was terrible,” she explained.
“I dreamed that all the animals
that went to make up my furs were
standing right there at the foot of
my bed.”
One of her listeners turned to
another woman and said, “How
silly of her to let a few alley cats
frighten her.”
Expert Knowledge
A thrifty man went to a lawyer
for advice. After the interview the
man ran into an acquaintance and
told.him about it.
“But why spend money on a law
yer?” asked the other. “When you
sat in his office, did you see all the
law books there? Well, what he told
you you could read in those law
books."
“You’re right,” admitted the ad
vice seeker, “but that lawyer—he
knows what page it’s on.”
NO HAT NEEDED
A crowd of admiring friends had
gathered around the owner of a
horse who had come in first at Santa
Anita, Belmont and Jamaica race
tracks.
"Will you race him in the der
by?” asked one.
"No," was the reply. “He’ll run
bareheaded like the rest of them.”
Why Complain?
Pat and Mike were having dinner
together. Pat helped himself to the
larger fish and Mike said:
Mike—Fine manners, ye have,
Pat If I reached out first, I’d take
the smaller fish.
Pat—Well, ye’ve got it, haven’t
ye?
Get a NaU
Visitor—Hey, look, the thermom
eter’s falling i
Native—Tsk, trie, probably wasn’t
nailed up right
NANCY
By Ernie Btuhmiller
MUTT AND JEFF
By Bud Fisher
LITTLE REGGIE * By Margarita
JITTER By Arthur Pointer
SILENT SAM
Hardy Hogs
SEWING CIRCLE PAHERNS
"We got a remarkable brand of
pigs down our way,” the Ozark hill
billy said. "Razorbacks we call
’em. One day one of ’em found
three or four sticks of dynamite and
et ’em. A mean mule came along
and kicked the pig agin the barn.
The dynamite went off, the bam
blowed up, pieces of the mule came
down all over the country, and win
dows was broken in houses for
miles around, and let me tell you,
for a coupla days.we had a mighty
sick pig on our hands.”
NOT INTERESTED
“I must apologize for my danc
ing. I’m a little stiff from bowling.”
“My dear man, I don’t care where
you’re from.”
Land of Opportunity
She was one of the British brides,
and as the liner docked, she spotted
her husband on the wharf, almost
hidden by the beautiful flowers he
was holding. She rushed down the
gangplank, threw her arms around
him and sobbed:
“Darling, you shouldn’t have
bought so many flowers for me.”
“That’s enough of that, Katie,”
crisply admonished Herman. “Get
busy and help me sell them.”
Constant Condition
A nurse in a mental hospital no
ticed a patient with his ear close to
the wall, listening intently. The pa
tient held up a finger as a warning
to be quiet. Then beckoned the
nurse over and said, "Listen here.”
The nurse listened for some time
and then said, "I can’t hear any
thing."
“No,” said the patient, “and it’s
been like that all day.”
All Done by Mirrors
A mountaineer found a mirror.
“Well, if it ain’t my old pappy. I
never knowed he had a picture
took,” he said.
He took the mirror home and
sneaked it up into the attic to hide
it, but his action did not escape his
suspicious wife. She slipped up to
the attic and found the mirror.
“Hum-mm,” she exclaimed, look
ing into it. “So that’s the old hag
he’s been chasing.”
Strictly Man-Made
Two women seated on a bus were
holding a conversation when a
woman wearing a peculiar looking
fur coat got aboard. The coat was
spotted in a mouse gray and a dirty
white. Said one of the women, “I
wonder what kind of fur is in that
coat?” “I wouldn’t know,” replied
her companion. "But I’m sure God
never made an animal like it.”
Where’s Tonto?
Woman Customer (in bank)—I
would like to make a loan.
Bank Official—You’ll have to see
the loan arranger.
Woman—Who?
Bank Official—The loan arranger.
The loan arranger.
Woman—Oh, you mean the one
who says, Hi-Ho Silver?
QUICK RESPONSE
Sign in an apartment (first floor)
window: PIANO FOR SALE.
Sign in next door apartment (first
floor) window: HURRAH!
Sure of Identity
A timid looking little man was be
ing kidded by a group of merry
makers at the club.
“What are you—a man' or a
mouse?” asked a noisy fellow.
“A man, of course. My wife is
afraid of a mouse.”
Crack Shot
Travelling Man—Does your wife
miss you much?
Another Travelling Man—No. She
throws remarkably straight for a
woman.
Smooth Ou,o-f-^iecer j?or junior A
8135
11-18
Time Saver
A SOFTLY tailored daytime
dress that saves time in
dressing—saves time in launder
ing. Buttons to the hem and nar
row self or contrasting binding on
the bodice are particularly appeal
ing.
Button-Back Two-Piecer
Y'OU’LL want to include this
* pretty button-back two-piece
frock in summer sewing plans. It’s
young and gay with brightly hued
ric rac for trimming. Unusual
novelty buttons are nice to accent
the front pleats.
• • •
Pattern No. 8135 comes in sizes 11, 12,
13, 14, 16 and 18. Size 12, 3% yards of
35 or 39-inch; 2 1 ,i yards ric rac.
fJOUSENOLD
Hints
Glue pieces of felt on the bottom
of your vases and they will not
mar the surfaces of the tables on
which they are placed.
Coat the inside of lids on mus
tard or horseradish jars with a thin
layer of paraffin and they’ll not
turn green.
—•—
Pull your card tables, folding
chairs and games out of cup
boards or sliding racks built into
waste space under the stairs.
—•—
If you will place citrus fruits to
be used in salad in hot water for a
few minutes before peeling, the un
der skin will come off easily.
Pattern No. 8120 is designed for sizes
34, 36, 38 , 40 , 42. 44, 46 and 48. Size 36.
short sleeve, 4^4 yards of 35 or 39-inch.
Don’t wait—send today for your copy of
the Spring FASHION, onr complete pat
tern magazine. Fashions by top-flight de
signers, tips on closet problems, free
pattern printed in the book. 25 cents.
Send your order to:
SEWING CIRCLE PATTERN DEPT.
530 South Wells St. Chicago 7, 111.
Enclose 25 cents in coins for each
pattern desired.
Pattern No -Size
Name —
Address—
Race Horses Seriously
Affected by Seasickness
Horses are so affected by sea
sickness that many thoroughbreds,
after a rough sea voyage, have
been unfit to race for as long as
six months, says Collier’s.
To avoid this hazard, a plane was
used recently to transport six race
horses from Limerick, Ireland, to
Los Angeles, the first cargo of its
kind ever flown across the Atlan
tic.
END LAXATIVE HABIT
THIS EASY WAY!
Keep an old tooth brush in your
sewing box. The next time you
have to rip out seams with a razor
blade, use the tooth brush to brush
off little threads along seams.
Millions Now Take Healthful
Fresh Fruit Drink-Find
Harsh Laxatives
Unnecessary
To send coins through mail, cut a
square from the corner of an old
envelope. Slip coin in square and
turn back the opening to hold it in.
—•—
If your neckline is long and thin,
wear high necklines, sometimes
softened with ruffles.
—•—
Good knives are a housewife’s
helpers, so you’ll want to take good
care of yours. Keep them away
from the stove, because heat de
stroys the temper of steel. If this
happens the blade cannot be kept
sharp.
Stripes Came Before Stars
In Flag of Our Country
It’s lemon and water. Yea-just the
juice of 1 Sunkist Lemon in a glass of
water-first thing on arising.
Taken first thing in the morning,
this wholesome drink stimulates bowel
action in a natural way-assures most
people of prompt, normal elimination.
Why not change to this healthful
habit? Lemon and water is good for
you. Lemons are among the richest
sources of vitamin C, which combats
fatigue, helps you resist colds and
infections. They also supply Bi and P.
They alkalinize, aid appetite and
digestion. Lemon and water has a
fresh tang, too-clears the mouth,
wakes you up!
Try this grand wake-up drink 10
mornings. See if it doesn’t help youl
Use California Sunkist Lemons.
The stripes on the American flag
are older than the stars. The
Grand Union flag of 1776, which
George Washington hoisted over
the American camp at Cambridge,
Mass., as the first flag of tjie
American colonies, had 13 red
and white stripes, but no stars on
its blue field. Instead, there were
the combined crosses of St. An
drew and St. George taken from
the British flag and symbolizing
the union of Scotland and England.
The crosses were not replaced with
13 white stars until a year and a
half later—on June 14, 1777.
COCO
SUFFERERS!
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fCaution: Uao only,
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Easy, H Possible
Supply Sergeant—Here, this ma
chine will do half your work for
you.
Recruit — Thanks — may I have
two of them?
Young Realist
Teacher—Correct this sentence:
‘‘Girls is naturally better looking
than boys.”
Pupil—Girls is artificially better
looking than boys.
Needed Some Sleep
Angry Father—What do you mean
by bringing my daughter home at
4 o’clock in the morning?
He—Well, you sea, air, I have to
be at work by 7.
PS.
Be sure you get America’s favorite rice cereal,
the one and only Kellogg't Rice Krisples!