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'THE LEDGER: GAFFNEY, S. C., JUNE 25, 1896. ‘SIXTEEN TO ONE.” "Malnoat Thing" in the frOcky Crook Settlomont lower of rnHlilon ITlio nought hen New Itrldlr* to One I'oor lOWl Mule - filer Kerogsln* Wnntcd to Move. , B jnalm'Pt tiling with the jicople (in tho Eocky Creek regions this year is the great and growin ques tion of sixteen to one. And that aint all by a whole tremendius big lot. If there Ls anything you don't know and » tx would love to \ find out in re- gards to gold or silver or greeri- backs, all you odo is to pack your wallet and ct -n Into the most loveliest strip o4y in the round created world Mid mingle around amongst and live and listen and learn. then, low and behold! be had dug six teen graves for that one dead baby girl. It is a real sad ease if you think about It right sober like and serious, but, ac- cordin to old man Connerway’s present plans of government and money, and polities and religion, and life and death, everything in the whole diseovered world must stack tip and fill in and match out at the rates of sixteen to one. rwK -V-K Old Git” Sanders Now. for me, all I know—and you eai your side whiskers mid your Snoots I do know that for cer- ta tint at our house we most In ge always have about sixteen wcme dollar. And it rnley makes bu • little diiTerenee with me wilt comes in gold or silver or poping as the feed bills and the stofunt stack up agin us at the ratixteen to one. What shall we weit shall we eat, what shall we drifl wherewithal will wc roise thetary coinage—that covers nil thed for me. S r, of course, I don’t put my us anybody’s prayer book, iln’t no laws of eoiupellmcnt m believe everything I write Hut 1 will bet sixteen good inuipne blind steer that I have to g*ul git more reglar and fre- que j any livin man in 17 stntce and iries. Every time 1 go to towi laddy git this, and Rufus git that :ufe git somethin else. Con- sequ I have now took anti dim y maiden name from Rufus On my return back borne no I went to town, when I j) I called mother and the t to t.hc wagon to help me produeements, and then I ■ new name and laid down Ind 1 wouldn’t be plum honest if I didn’t own up to used more plain United ptatc uage than 1’iblc words by een to one. seven stars and the Milky I to mother and the rlsin >t the Sanders nice, “don’t call i dy and don’t call me Rufus and < all me Eufe any more. Dad blair.fhat ain’t my name nohow, give me a name that wil| i and je»st call me Old Git A “Close Call” for ScroRiflns. At the last regular meetin of the Rocky Creek Farmers’ club lllev Scrog-; pins—which,you understand,lllev talks a whole passe! sometimes jest simply because the good Lord, in the wisdom of His grace and mercy, give him some thing to talk with—Rlov he spit it out nahisprivate opinions in tbeConncrwny case that when the old man went crazy he didn’t have no very dura long jour ney to make. “The maincst trouble with the old man,” says Blev, “was about sixteen ounces of skull to one spoonful of brains.” Of course, that is none of my business, and it wouldn’t be. right for me to say whether lllev was right or wrong in a general way. But there was two of the Connerway boys in the meetin, nndi It took some monstrous fast and fancy work to keep down the sheddin of hu man blood and stave off n second-class funeral In the settlement. You will take notice that my friend pud fellow-citizen, Blev Scroggins, ain’t pa sixteen to one free silver man. lie don’t even sorter half way make out like he 1», and since the cards have been run* nlu the other way like a shot, Blev has got bis bristles up considerable, lie give It out in a crowd over at Cool Springs church on the last meetin day that he was goin to yoke up his oxen and pack his wagon and move off down into the cow country amongst the gall- berry thickets and sec if he couldn’t find a little patch of earth where every* body hadn’t went crazy for free silver at sixteen to one, 1 reckon, though, that Blev was only talkin that day to see how his voice would sound through his new straw hat. At any rates, 1 don’t know where he would go to find that "little patch of earth" which he is look- in for. hew s Milligan is now out ns r candidate for the legisla te told me the otlier clay if light’—which he thinks he Will i majority of somethin like sixtec! one he will work pp obd pass ijto make my new name Mink, pm to one" Connerwny. Butne write and tell you, white pcopUt old man Matthew Conncr- wny—teen to One,” as everybody calls jiow—is way yonder the hap piest HI as the most, craziest mor tal in pc* regions round ul>out Rocky Creek summer. He lives right over there (he hill country, and for t he^ last tj years every day and every hour, or cold, hot or dry, at home or nhi lu sickness or in health—he has b^rcftchin forth the doctrine of free* slat the rates of sixteen toono. Minin, now, old man Connerway nlnt jonlyrst sixteen to one free silverpt In the settlement. You WbuhJc to burn the. woods and sift thg a! to find sixteen men around here taint preachln from the same text <figlitin under the same flag. But It ■ main time when “Sixteen to pop" (nenvuy caught the <ksrn.se he onugli tremendius bad ease of it. And pt was worse and still more of it,put the same time he was took downth a right hard spoil of runnin oil ate mouth. lie went forth into the hwayhuml the hedges and talked free* c-r nj sixteen to one so rapid nnd sons font, and preached the same old from the same text over line’ *r nnd over till now bless gra- eioufle lias went slap kerelab crazy on 1 (question. He belt up under the strniright tolerable well till late alonin the spring, when It come to pnsWhnt. free silver was the winnin onreP around, and then it would seem likene old man couldn’t stand It no Ion f. His head goarius jumped a cog, sorH’in broke, and henceforwards nffi that “Sixtee*n to One” Connerway li.'ii|>ce*u n stnndin candidate for the Cny Si loom. 'J show you what a furious bn/1 case of j the old man has got, the next clay aftd we got the news that Tennessee line Went o windin for free silver he w< t to town, nnd I am oil sorts of a linilf he didn't put In nnd tqi}' sixteen nr* bridles for one poor old mule. 4 Jo4< particular notice of the old roan ns he rid by our house on his returi^ l>ark home that evenln, and from peui- eril opp-nrinents I would jidge that he hod bit off about sixteen plugs of w jite whisky in one day. jlcre week before last Luke Conner* wty's girl baby—which Luke and his wife they live in the house with old "Sixteen to One,” and they had three boys to only one girl—she took sick with the* slow fever nnd died. And whilst nobody would of thought it, the old man got up the next niornin at first daybreak and took his spade and lit out and went over to the old Kbenezer graveyard. It was way up into the day before his folks could find him, amk PITY FOR THE POOR. Arp Speaks of tho Public Tndlffor* onco for the Suffering 1’oor. Says tho Public Do Not Neo. Else There Would Do Help —Mr. HurCel’# “UsIIKTh Sale”—Condition of Convicts. “No Slch n Place on Eiirth.“ That puts me in mind of .Josh May nard and the way in which he got wound up when the democratic cyclone etruck this country—along in the fall of 1802, if I don't remember wrong. You see .Tosh Maynard ho lives up there in one of the mountain counties of North Alabama dost to the Tennessee line. For years nnd years he had been fci’rvin the jiooplc and the state as high Constable of Stump Hill Beat, nnd sipee way finek there before the war the re publicans had been bavin their own way in Stump Hill by a round and safe majority. But in that election the democratic flag floated in triumph over all fhc ground from the mountaips to (hp wiregrass country. Stump Hill smashed the records and swung over Into the jleroocrntic columns. Conse quentially when thestonn waspverand (he smoke cleared away John Urank Adkins, a little red-headed school teacher, nnd a screnmin democrat, v-ns high constable of Btump Hill J»ea^ and if there ever was a man which had tho livin sod<s bent off of him Josh Maynard went homo barefooted that P'ffbt: Anyhow Josh went home foam In, furious mad, and give It out that be was then ready to move his washin right away immediately, and sooner than that if possible. "Tear down and pack up, Miss Grade,” says Josh to his wife, “for to morrow we will move and shake the dust of Stump Hill from our feet for ever. For the first time since the bat tle of New Orleans were fit Stump Hill Beat has gone devil bent for the demo crats and the old flag trails in the dust of desolation and defeat. By hokoy 1 can’t liv eand raise our children in sich a lost and mint country. I jist simply can’t stand it, nnd I’ll be dad burned if I don’t move off somewhercs else and /ind some spot where freedom still lives And tlte people ain’t all fools.” Then Josh he got on his horse nnd rid over to the railroad station to hear the c|ection news, thinkin he mought may be stand the pain somewhat better if |ie popld hut only hear from a few ]>oints where the republicans had belt their ground and whipped the figdit But all the news that come was set to democratic music, nnd from what Josh could hear and pick up it looked to him like the democrats hud swept the earth n.s with a new broom. So presently he remounted apd rid on back towards hone. In the main time Miss Oracle she was tearin down nnd paekin up to beat six bits. “Wait, Miss Grade, don’t do that," says Josh, ns he come In and found his wife turnin the clothes chest wrong side out, "What in the name of sense is the matter with you, Josh?” says Miss Gracie. “Didn’t you tell me to tear down and pack up and we would move off somewhercs else to a spot where evrything ain’t gone devil bent for the democrats?” *1 hat 8 what I said, but I reckon we mought as well to live and die in Stump Hill Bent," responded Josh. “I would love to move, Miss Gracie, but, dnc| blame it, there is no sich a place on earth” M Owln to hod seasons there is a right smart talk around amongst the farm ers to the extent that corn has l»een overshootin. Andy Luca/* says his corn must of overshot itself, cause if it shot at all it “missed the whole dura field.” But in the main time our Aunt Nancy Newton she ain’t gone nowheres. 8he has sent word by Andrew Jim Hint she will try nnd git In amongst us one day next week, fly bonnet, old pipe, thank}' hag and all. RUFUg HANDKltS. Gather 10,000 of Hie threads spun by a full-grown spider, twist them together and see if they equal in subsistence the size of oae of your hairs. If Gordon Noel Ilurtel never writes anything more, “The Bailiff's Kale,” is sufficient to draw love aud praise from all good people. It has kindled a kindly feeling toward him, and what is better, it has warmed our pity and enlisted our sympathy for the suffering poor. How easy it is for hearts to get hard and charity to grow' cold. The sale of the poor tenant’s household goods to pay the landlord’s rent is a muehmore com mon thing than is supposed. The pic ture is not overdrawn. If it is not sold by the •jnr-table it is by the auctioneer. I never pass an auction sale of old furniture but what I linger and look and ponder. There is an unwritten chapter of want and misery In every old bureau and sofa and chair. There arc hearts aching somewhere. There Is sad ness under some roof. If the sale paid the debt there would be some comfort, but the costs of court, the drayage and com mission taken about all—for, ns Mr. Ilurtel says: “Such worthless old rubbish will go for a rong.” “Alas! for the rarity of Christian charity,” when the bereaved mother has to spend her last quarter to buy in her dead baby’s chair. If ’hat did not real ly happen, something akin to it is hap pening every day In our crowded cities. What we see when we visit them is only the sunshine and glitter that wealth has brought to the favored few. We walk or ride on Peachtree and wonder and admire, but who seeks the dark al leys where the poor congregate? Judge Bleckley wrote a beautiful poem, called “A Tale of Two Cities—the City of Life and the City of Death”—Atlanta and its cemetery; and his contrast between their inhabitants is wonderfully graphic nnd true. But there is a more pathetic contrast between the very rich and the very poor in every crowded me tropolis. Sometimes wc condone our neglect of poverty nnd suffe ring by say ing they arc not worth befriending— they are ungrateful—they brought their misery upon themselves—or, if you feed them and set them up for to-day they will want more to-morrow. Some folks say that private charity is against pub lic policy, but piy experience nnd pht nervation is that the beat way to quie^ our consciences is to help them—give help in some way. There are a few pro fessional beggars, but not enough to impoverish anybody in this southern country. But those who are really poor nnd do actually suffer for good shelter, good food and comfortable clothing arc many end afo. increasing in numbers every day. My wife cut out those touching verses about fho bailiff’s sale and says they re mind her of Tom Hood’s “Song of tho Shirt." “Oh, for one short hour To feel as I used to feel, Before I knew the woes of want, Or the work that costs a meal.” That “Song of the Shirt" awakened all London to the sufferings of poor women, and it has eoroe down to us along the corridors of time and quick ened our sympathies and enlarged our charities. Oh, that our rich people would sometimes read it nnd drop a tear of sympathy and then go out into the byways and do something for hu manity’s sake. Rockefeller is a great philanthropist in his way, but George Peabody will outrank him in theannaD of history nnd the judgment of Heaven Why does not some multi-millionaire follow his example nnd provide cheap homes for the poor of our cities? 1 have heard it said that it was Tom Hood’s poem that first inspired him to build cheap lodgings for the jioor of London His plans for so doing w ere not carried on* for several years, buPhc could not erase from his memory the lines: “That shattered roof—this naked flooi, A table—a broken chair. And a wall so blank my shadow I thank For sometimes falling there." He spent three millions on these lodg ing houses, and they nre still a comfort to the thousands whe occupy them. Human nature Is not so mean and self ish ns it is thoughtless nnd forgetful. Our best emotions need reminder/. Every now nnd then a pathetic picture must lie draw n, a tender poem must lie written. We must sec the poor woman with the faded shawl “As she wipes with Us fringes a tear >.om her eye.” Many a man has pity in his breast ami charity in his heart, but it slumbers be cause it does not see ’he misery of the unfortunate. Poverty shrinks from the public gaze. It hides itself nnd suffers and waits, and hence we see large sums of money gathered in the churches to be sept to those afar off, when there h more need of It at home. Starving peo ple do not go to church, nor will they gp hnlf-clad in pnseomly garments. The best religion languishes from hunger and cold. True charity must huntfjr distress nnd relieve it. This reminds me of the convicts nnd their pitiless condition. Most of them deserve their fate, hut among the 3,0(>Q| there are some ivho have expiated their pffenset nnd ought to be set free. The fourts make mistakes sometimes, nnd uq doubt there are many convicts pay ing penalties they do not owe. There Is pot a more helpless creature up. n fnrth than a frlepdiess convict’, and we rejoice that Gov. Atkinson ami the com mittee are making a searching exami nation. The governor told me of a negro l>oy who had s<yved nine years ami had 11 more to serve. lie went in a boy of 15, charged with arson, nnd now it appears most clearly that he wan not guilty, and it could have been so proved, but the witness, u substnn’ia! citizen, lived out of the state and his evidence could not !»»• had. The l>oy was convicted on circumstantial evidence. The governor has affidavits that, place the innocence of this negro beyond all dou^t, and of course he has set at liberty. lie has shortened the terms of a great many, and his consideration for those who have behaved well re ceives unusual commendation. Reform is said to Ire one of the ob jects of punishment, and if tlu* criminal lias really repented and reformed he should be given another chance. My wife was commenting on that little chair that was the poor mother’s token of her dead child, and that re minded her of a little workstand that the Yankees took from her and carried off. It was a beauty and was made specially for her 24th birthday, and she lamented its loss ail these years. Forty more years have passed, and now she has another birthday, and all that l had to give her was r morning kiss on her brow and a white rose in her raven hair nnd to wish her long life nnd hap piness and that her last days might be her best days. God grant that no af fliction or calamity may befall her! Her absent boys wrote her loving let ters, aud as she rend them she said: “I Knew they would not forget their poor old mother.” "Poor!” said I. “You nre not poor. You are fat nnd you nre rich in your posterity, nnd you are not old—not near as old as I am. Why not say their rich and lively and well-pre served mother?” But numerous grand children and more coming does make an ancient matron feel old, especially If she had to piny runngre from the fowl invaders and carry half a dozen little helpless children with her during a long and cruel war. Those four years ought to count ton in the calendar of z, mother’s age.—Bill Arp, in Atlanta Con stitution. MONTE CARLO BLACKMAILERS. RATS TO YOUR HOLES. Sam Jones Sounds a Koto of TImoly Warning. Speaks of the Troublous Times That Have Come Upon Us—There Is m ((right Side to the Ficture—Evening Things Up. Keepers of tho Gambling Resort Fre quently Victimized by Klmrpcr*. According to the balance sheet is sue.! by the great gambling company of Monte Carlo, the fortune* of that world-famous resort are on the wane. From paying a heavy and steadily ad vancing dividend, the directors have had to take a step backward and cur tail the annual pickings of the stock holders. One cause for this is that the players have not made such mad plunges as of yore. The men who lose a fortune in a single day over the gambling tables have become rather a rarity at Monte Carlo, while the players w ho go in for a steady game and stop when they have lost so much money have dropped off considerably. To their dismay the direotors discovered when piaking out tRo bounce-sheets for the jast year that jpstead of an increase In profits the (jquipfltiy’s receipts show a falling off of $425,000 as compared with those of the previous year. This deficit is accounted for to some extent by the extreme sensitiveness of the Monte Carlo officials. They prove an easy prey for the blackmailing fraternity, ns they will buy off anyone rather than haw 0 stigma attach tq the concern. This U shown by the fact that In the balance- sheet the sum of $210,000 appears on the debit side under the name of “pub licity," or. In other words, “money paid to blackmailers." A goodly proportion of the money is paid to the enterprising proprietors of blackmailing newspapers, which arc printed and published for the express purpose of attacking Monte Carlo with a view to obtaining “hush money.” They make a fierce attack on the gambling center of the universe in the lirst issue and keep it up with ever- increasing virulence until placed on the “publicity” of the Monte Carlo books for a comfortable sum, the attack ceases nnd thereafter the paper is pub lished or is not published at the sweet w ill of the proprietor. These pension ers on the “ ‘ “city" fund are ever increasing In nmnliers. The game lx such an easy one that It is impossible for adventurers to resist it. No wonder, that the profits at Monte C-nrlq yanisR Into thin air. An organized gang of block tea Her* recently repaired to Monte Carlo for tho express purpose of taking advan tage of a bomb scare that was at that time raging. Placing half a dozen bogus “infernal" machines under the walls of one of the chief buildings of the islapd, where they would be sure to be found the following morning, the conspirators awaited developments. The machines were found, ns intended, ami an immense, sensation ensued. While attempt* were being made to hush up the matter along came the blackmailers and demanded $5,000, with a threat to spread the news 01 ll.c “oul- rage” far nnd wide if payment was re fused. Report* of an infernal machine at Monte Carlo would have cleared the island of visitors in one day. Another drain on the resources of Monte Carlo Is the, payment of money to ruined plnj ers, who might, if not provided with sufficient funds to take them homo, commit suicide on the grounds nn<( cause a world-wide wave of indignntioq against the gambling institution. Undcf the head of “The Vaticum,” these pay* meats foot up in the balance-sheet to $30,000. Here again the shrewd adven turer victimizes the directors. A player will jump up during the progress of the games, clutch at his hair, roll his eye* in frenzy, and shout that he is “ruined!” “That ends it for me!" he will shriek as he makes a wild dash for the doer. He is intercepted by one the officials, who has visions of the finding of a suicide’s body In the Monte Carlo grounds. The man Is soothed, the amount of his losses 1^ Inquired into, nnd fhc result is that the "ruined ” individual, w ho has probably- been playing a piild game nnd has lost little, gets another start In life from the Monte Carlo funds. But It is necessary for the Casino people to protect themselves ns far ns possible against this class of adven turers, and so an “army” and a police force nre maintained, the expense of supporting which costs the company $C0,(MK) n year. With so many shady customers,prey ing on the great gambling company, it Is no w onder that the profit*of roulette nnd trante-et-qunrnnte are not so large aa the world thinks.—N. Y. Recorder. —The deadly Indian hug, in which men wrestle with their eya*.—Holme*. "These are times to try men’s souls,” to tost their grit and to determine tho stuff they nre made of. The man who can call his soul his own now is too reckless for a candidate—I mean a “winning candidate.” The prohibition party has spliton the issurs of the day, and the different wings nre to be known as the broad gauge and the narrow gauge wings. The general conference of the Metho dist Episcopal church is split up into two factions on the woman question. The democratic party is split up into, goldbugs nnd “silver-loons," and will; no doubt do as the prohibition party: has already done—put two sets of cnndi-i dates in the field. The republican party has some big cracks in it; but the re publicans are like the Baptists, they are hard to split. They are counting more on their candidates than on their plat form. They unite on sentiment and ignore principles. Not only is the political world all out of whack, but nature seems to have joined in the general melee. There have been floods, cyclones, earthquakes, etc. I passed through St. Louis a few days ago. 1 have seen many sights, but I never saw desolation like that, it would take expert* many weeks to estimate the loss on both sides of the river. The city, as 1 saw it, looks like one or two old roosters who have been fighting all day—badly disfigured and muchly done up. Dr. Talmage says that the devil ns the "Prince of the river of the air” gets up these cyclones, but that God directs them. I don’t know that the devil got them up; but I know if God directed them, he would have blown down more breweries nnd less churches; would have directed the wind so that the poor would have suffered les* nnd taken in more of the nabobs. But I suppose that Dr, Talmage was guessing or jok ing, for he knows but little more of the getter-up of cyclones than the Imlaneo of us. I cure not who gets them up. they nre awful things. Fire, air nnd water, these three essential things to human life, are the cause of many deaths and the destruction of millions of property. Then, niost pf us poor mortals are In debt head over' frerl.c-. IVe will soon he where it will be against ourTViffreats to pay the principal, and against our" principle tq pay the Interest. Many are there now. But I suppose when we get free silver we will pay our debts. I know we will if silver is free nnd the government turns it over to our cred itors before it falls into our hands. I had rather risk a working debtor than a talking debtor. Men talk too much and work too little. “Talk” is cheap, but it takes the cash to settle hills. Then we have trouble iu the social world. So many men are not pleased with their wives, and so many wives are not pleased with their husbands. Divorce suits have multiplied until I think it would save time nnd law-suits If all marriage licenses had divorce coupons attached, so that when trouble set in in a home the eounon could be clipped off and the "One” made “two again.” J say these are times that try nmn’s souls, and not only their souls but their patience and their pocket nnd their character. Tho fellow whostandaerert in his, manhood amid the customs nnd temptations of these present times is made of the stuff that stays nnd in- grediente that abide. 'Jake the industrial worhl: Farming, they say, don’t pay. Manufacturers say they are running at a loss. Merchants say they arc making no money; lawyers starving. doctors grumbling nnd preachers fasting—nnd the devil g g- gling. What’s the matter, nnd what’* the remedy, are questions we must an swer soon or we will "hit the grit." While I write I am touring Illinois, nnd I find that “Free Silver nnd Altgcld or Bust” is the popular cry of the people. And so it goes. Campbell of Ohio, out for free silver, and (Jen. Grosvenor ad vising the G. 0. P. that they mus'l not declare for the single gold standard. Hill, of New York, using moral suns'on. McKinley mum as a dead oyster, nnd so it goes. The whole thing seems to be i» the fix Pat/thc sailor, got into farming, lie hod been discharged from service on the ship and found employment on a farm and was put. to plowing with a rhike team, two oxen and a filly in the lead; nnd ho drove up on a yellow jacket's pest, nnd in less than no time tho oxen had turned the yoke and th/ filly had liecome entangled in the har ness and fallen to the ground still kick ing. And Pat ran to the house and told tho boss that the oxen had turned the yoke, the filly had kicked herself to death, and t» c. whole thing was drift ing to destruction nr fast as it could go. All that comes from looking at one side of tho tiling. There is another and a better side. This is n great govern ment and a great, people. We ran stand much and endure much and still keep abend of any other nation on the earth. The sun. moon and stars keep on In their, regular courses; seed-time and harvest still conic nnd go; babies nre item, and funeral processions move slowly along us of yore. We con survive nnd do well if things were n hundred fold worse than they nre. One or the other of the great parties will save the country again this fall. We have survived the American revolution, the Mexican war (iixl the civil war. The reign of the democratic, whig, nnd republican par ties a hundred years, and the fact that we still live is proof that as a nation we nre immortal. We shall live on in some shape. At the heart the tree is sound. Only the branches are diseased, and ns they drop off other limbs will shoot out from tho grand old trunk,* nnd this shall Ite the tree of lib erty forever. Though upon some of the limbs buzzards and owls light for a time, still the great masses will sit under it* shades and en-| |oy its fruits forever. We shall never| rome to want as long as seed time and 1 •tarvest comes on those fertile fields ofj ours and men can bfe found to work them. We may occasionally have too: many city dudes nnd too few field hands,, but the laws of compensations, work ami j things will regulate themselves if wc’ give them a chance. i Maybe cyclones and earthquakes, po:j Utica I and social revolutions arc God’s; ways of regulating things. The inno-i cent have always suffered with thej guilty. Dog Tray got Into bad com-j pany and “caught It” with tho balaneoj of the bad dogs. But God has not ut-i terly abandoned us to our fate. Ucj still reigns and is doing about the best' an infinite, wise God can do with the) gang He is deal'ngwlth. Even now many of us are happy and prosperous, while many are miserable an poor. It's man’s inhumanity to man that makes countless thousands mourn. Greed nnd gall on the one, hand and poverty nnd humility on tho other hat gotten things out of whack.' If humanity will come closer together and man w. ’te more helpful to man, then we wi.l drive out of the woods Into the road to happiness and prosper Ity. We have our spasmodic kindly spells. Wc will contribute to the suf ferer* by storm or fire or earthquake, but we soon f- rget that there arc al ways sufferer and go on blinded by our greed an/1 deafened by our gall. Philanthrope patriotism lives only In the hearts of the few, while the greater number nre strangers to kindly deeds nnd sentiment. SAM P. JONES. PHUNZHEIMER’S PHILOSOPHY. Or*ealsr for 1 Observation** of s Tcatonto H 'louion. Eternal vigilan re is der vny not to got run ofer py a safety. Self-conceit is .1 plessing py disguise in, for dot is vot makes us send der fool- killer next! door ven he comes to see us, uin'd it? Yen you see a m..rried mans vcnrlng dot suit he Isnight a long time ago ul- retty yust make ub your mind py swei t’ings: Eider dare is a new baby py his house in or his vife has bought a bisoocle. Ven you read py dein newsbobers dot a mans he is a shviudler, und a t’ief, tind a harumscarums, und a lot of t’ings yust like dot. it is pfennings to pret zels dot man vos a candidates for some polities jobs alretty once. It is u short lane vot donn'd got no bisoocle riders on him dose days. Yen dares a veel dares a vny. Jf some peoples (loan'd had no neigh bors irtirtlf-pj: deni next door dey donn'd i;efer clean houMsi.n der spring times, ehentlc Anni<\ ain’d if^> Honesty is der best politic Ven a mans is running a race lor an office he chencrnlly is satisfied if he get* a blare, ain'd it? Abouid der vorst bisoocle face to be seen dose days is dot vich your leedle bov varcs ven you told him he can't hnf no veel yust yet. Sometimes dot ostrich dakes hlx; head by dot sand ouid yust long enough to Inf at dem udder ostrich vot haf his ; head in alretty yet. I haf nodiced dot der difference be tween a leedle boy und a big mans is dot each t’inksdc udder is hnfutgall der fun, if der mountain (loan'd come py Mo hammed vot’s der matter mit going py der seashores? It is a (ong head vot donn’d got turned py a party vomnns. Men vot der arc alvays anxious to die for dare country chenerally Hf py a ripe old age,ain'd it? Truth is stranger den fictions, nml dot is vy so many peoples donn’d speak to him ns dey pass py. Shakespeares say dot ein tench of nature makes dot whole vorld kin, but It is different ven somepody else vos touching you, ain’d it? It la a vise child vot knows his own ladder on a bisoocle. Der mans vot he boasts of his leedle feets donn’t need to say vot a small bend he hnf alretty. If ve could see ourselfs yust like ud der# see ns all dem looking glass mir rors vould be smashed py smithereens in, (loan’d it? To err is human, und to blame it onr somepodys else, dot is human likewise, too, alretty, Efery mans hnf his price, hut mill #ome mens It is bargain day all der rile, ferstny? Dot veel mans he donn’d like a tax on his bisoocle und he donn’d like a tacks under his bisoocle, und dare you are, aid’d it? Eferyt’ingeomespyhim vot hf vails— occpt v*n you vait for a big fishes to bite.—N. Y. World. Wlttj Ueptlc*. A well-known writer was asked what he thought of the recent discussion: “!* Life Worth Living?" "Ilhink.”b'» replied, “that it depends on the liver.” 1 hu following story is said to have been told and enjoyed in London society: A bright American girl was n guest at a dinner where several peeresses, natives of her own country, were present. Her neighbor said, superciliously; “You are not used to titles? In the states, I believe, there is no aristocracy?" “No,” was the w itty retort, as sir* glanced sig nificantly around the table, “it take*all tho money of our millionaires to sup port yours,’’ No mental gift is more rare than the ability to make apt and brilliant replica, nnd nothing is more dangerous than the effort to make them. Wit is so far off, and ill-nature always ro near at hand!—Youth's Companion. Felling s Mstioganjr Tree. It is a whole day's task for two men to fell a mahogany tree. On account of the spurs which project from the hose of the trunk a scaffold has to lie erected nnd the tree cut off uho*e the sp'U leaving thus u stump of the very wood from tow tofifimi feet hi Y. Bun. *—Bossuet w o* the me the Roman church eve