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^vy?'vv>:.v * -v.;-? 'v -J' ' X ' THE JOKMIS' BUDGET. K A ItlTTLK HUItlOltOUH KKADINU FOlt TIIK LEI8U11E HOURS. A Nuisanco?A False Report?A Husband's Kollcltude ? On tlio It. It. t'urx ? The llroken Yachts?Dots and Dashes, Etc. .? . TIIE TALE OF A FISH. Jh n a man dotli wish to alible, A?>ook like this ho loves to dangle: J He bas a line to jrood aud Btrong, And bo catolics a riali about ho Ion 31 fe & & Before be goto home Ibe AbIi dolb grow, Aud be tells his frieuds tbat it stretched out so: ft fe Jiut his friends who have a-fisliing beon, Know tbat the man bas lied like sin, And they simply Bit and smile and grim o o o o o o X ,s s Xfirl.l vnni iUHMWtl/VI V A1VWOI A DKIjIOUTKUL commission. Young Mr. Smythc was passionately enamored of Miss Browne, and was squirming in his chair preparatory to a proposal, when the young lady said: <lMr. Smytho, you pass Mr. Thinplate, the jeweller's, or. your way home, do vou not?" "Yes," he said, huskily. "Well, would you miud doing mc a little favor?" "Miud! dear Miss Browne," he replied, with a look of unutterable reproach; you have but to name it!" "Thanks! Will you kindly ask Mr. Thinplate if he has tightened the setting of my engagement ring which Mr. George Simpson left with him yesterday?"?Harper's Bazar. HE SPOILED THE 8UHPUISE. "What's got inter dis blame font dis momin'? Ilarts like all git out!" "Wa'al, if yo' wiin's ter know, it's a pipe in yo' boot?vans, a pipe. I put it in ins- nigm ter s prise yo ais mornin . ? au' you've gone un' blundered all ober yo'sef, an' put it on, an' I has to relate de full particklars an' suckumstances. Pooty s'prisc, hain't it? Beshye nex' s'prise yo' hcz yo' make yo'sef." A IIEATUEN MONGOLIAN. Sometimes strange difficulties are encountered by the young ladies who are endeavoring to teach Christianity to the Chinese in the Sunday-schools. One of the most conscientious ns well as one of the brightest and prettiest of these ' teachers was attempting to inculcate upon the heathen mind of a sleek-lookiug Mongolian the lesson of charity , toward all. ''We should love one an- ] /.llw.n M * ,.1 'TM. _ WUV/11 OU&U lUV llTilUilUI* 1 I1U Ohinamnn looked meekly up into her facc and quietly asked: "Do you love j every one?" "Yes," she answered. "Do you love me?" was the next pointed in-* quiry. "Y-y-ye8." "Will you mally me?" There waa no direct answer to ( this question. But the teacher has since changed her pupil for a Chinaman of a less logical turn of mind. A trick the trade. Grocer (to new boy)?You must tell people we are very busy, James, whether we are or not. They like to buy of a firm 1 that they think does a large trade. < New Boy?All right, sir. < Grocer (a little later)?Didn't old Mrs. < Benson want anything, James? New Boy?Yes, sir; she wanted a ] couplc o' mackerel an' ten pounds o' < brown sugar, an' I told her we was so . busy we didn't know which way to turn, an' so she said she was in a hurry, an' < she'd get 'em round the corner. a nuisance. | Maud and her George were in the parior, and Maud's father, who, by the 1 way is down on the mugwumps, was laying down his political tenets to Maud's George: j "I tell you," he exclaimed, "thedem- ( vuuni; uuu rcpuuiicuu parties emooay all there is of wisdom iu party manage- ^ meat. We don't want any third party v. here." , "That is it precisely, papa," replied 1 Maud; "a third party is a nuisance any- 1 where." Maud's father counted noses, con- ^ eluded that ho was the mugwump and , withdrew from the field.?Binghamton Republican. J : - A nU8BAND'8 SOLICITUDE. "John, father and mother are coming to-morrow to spend the week, and I do hope you will be nice while they are here." "I am sorry to say, Maria, that I have an important engagement which will keep me away all the week." "This is the first time that you have ] *aid anything about any engagement." ' "I know it, but I meant to speak about it to-night." < "Oh, I was mistaken; it's next week ] IT > i ?? luc) re uumuig. % "Then I'll put off my engagement, as i C don't want to leave you alone."? 1 JV Y. Sun. i **. PERKKCTLY SATISFACTORY. A Brooklyn man who is building him\ 4elf a home, stood in front of the halfQnished structure the other day when a ttranger accosted him with: ' Are you tho owner?" "Yes, sir." "How do you propose to heat your *ouse?" v? ' "With a mother-in-law, sir." "Per?fectly satisfactory," stammered .he stranger as he passed on to dodge ?round the corner. TUB BROKER'S YACHTS. When Mr. W. R. Travcrs was at New/ jort last summer, a great many fine pf. /achts lay in tho harbor. "Wh-who-who-whose yacht is th-th" ? ;ha thut?" he asked, pointing to one of ;; ;hem. "That belongs to Mr. Jonos, the well' mown broker." *1 Mr. Trevors raised his dextor finger fdowly and brought into line another racht. "Wh-who-who-whose yacht is :natf" ne asicea vun some aimcuity. ifiZ-l "0h|. that's Mr. Smith's the broker." P| "Wh-wh-vrhose is that?" pointing out ^ (t^U another. 'That belongs to Mr. White, another |p >woker." "W-w-well, wh-wh-where'a the cus.osiers' yachts}" inquired the great Wail gpK/ <tre?t joker,?Chicago Moil, ; IN THK PARLOR. Pupa (eoborly)?That was quite a monstrosity you had in the parlor lasl evening?" Maud (nettled)?Indeed! That must depend upon one's understanding of the term "monstrosity." Papa (thoughtfully)?Well, two headt upon one pair of shoulders, for example. ?Hiiig/iai/ipton Itcpublican. UK GOT OKK IN TIME. Wife (on board a train bound for Nia tiara Falls)?There are so many bridal couples about, dear, perhaps we may be taken for one?" Husband?No danger. A gentlemar asked me a little while ago if I was youi first or second husband. Wife?What! Where is he? Husband?He got off at the last station. PECULIAR CHARACTERISTICS. First passenger (in railroad car)?Yoi arc from Chicago, I see. ?\nnn/inf*AH / m vflt vvt?*/l \'nt! uuv/uuu ^nii'U jiiiuv; x sir. First passenger?Commercial traveler, I suppose? Second passenger?Yes, sir. First passentrer?I thought so. There are certain characteristics peculiar tc Chicago traveling men that distinguish them from the ordinary run of people. Second passenger (highly delighted) ?Yes! , First passenger?Oh, yes. Will you please take your feet oil the seat so that I can sit down.?iV". Y. Time*. HOW TIIJBY GAIN OUOUND. "Squildig," said Polsnap this morning, "I notice in the papers that female dentists are gaining ground in Germany." "Yes." "Well, what I want to know is how a dentist can gain ground." > "That's simple; the same way that n farmer gains ground." "How is that?t' "15}' pulling stumps." ? Pittsbun i Chronicle. AS OTIIE118 SEE IIS. When Senator Evarts met Sarah Bernhardt they shook hands, and people said they looked exactly like a capital TT u REB COOTHKO COMPLIMENTED. , Landlady-I made the biscuits tonight myself, Mr. Dumley. Do they not look nice? Dumley?Very. They look almost good enough to cat. INHERITING PROPERTY. Father (out of patience)?If you ask uny more foolish questions, Bobby, I shall send you to bed. Bobby (after a long silence)?Pa, when ii man dies worth ten thousand dollars liis heirs get the money, don't they! Father?Yes.' Bobby (after another long silence)? When a trottin' horse dies worth ten thousand dollars, who gets his money. Father (angrily)?You get to bed.? N. V. Sun. OBJECTED TO THE SUPREME COURT. "Did you ever have a cose in Justice 's court?" asked a Wisconsin street lonrmr rvf n lnnrol liiminortr aVi 1 r? r#l n LtVTA U IV^IU iUlUIIIUIJ ?* "WOt OUIUglC creaka in the wind as it sweeps down Grrand avenue. "No? Well, if you do, don't cite any Supreme Court decisions. I had a case there, and undertook to uphold my position by referring to certain decisions of the Supreme Court. The Justice interrupted: i% 'Don't talk to me about Supreme Court decisions,' he said. 'I don't take any stock in them. Why. the Supreme Court acted like a darned fool in a case [ had before thom.'"?Miluxizikec Sentinel. A FAIjSIC report. Dumlcy (with an injured air)?ITow is it, Brown, that you arc reporting that I don't know uotliing. Brown?I have never reported anything of the kind. Dumley?It's very strnnjre. Robinjon told me you said last night to him that I don't know nothing. Those were [lis exact words. Brown?Robinson is mistaken. What [ .said was, you do know nothing. You musn't believe all you hear, Dumley.?ZV. Y. Sun. be took heb ftakd. I met the girl of the . And gently took her CSF" I thought I'd pop the ? Bat I didn't have the 8&. ?SL Joseph Gazette. dots and dashes. Hell Gate is blown up, but the proprietor is still doing business at the old stand. There is always room at the top?except on a White Mountain stage in the height of the season. IT is always the man's fault when he becomes a drunkard. Drink never takes to a man. The man takes to drink. When a youag lady goes to church to exhibit her new sealskin, she certainly might be called sack-religious. The best thing Josh Billings ever wrote: 4 'Any man who accepts the office of First Lieutenant in his own home need not look for promotion." It is said that if insanity is latent in a person, it will almost always develop itsf>if at. ana vnarlv in a J V.V..?U.J5 " ? I"" son usually develops itself at sea. An agricultural editorsays: "No animal can fight and eat at the same time.'1 He has evidently never seen a travel lei at a ten-minutes-for-lunch stand.?Puck. Little Johnny, on being asked by hit school teacher if he knew what wat meant by "at par," replied that "Ma woj always at pa when he camc home late.' A good collector must be patient as i post, cheerful as a duck, sociablo tu a flea, bold as a lion, cunning aw a fox, weather-proof as ruboer, and as watch ful as a sparrow hawk. An exchange says that a folded news paper placed under the coat intho smal of the hack is an excellent substitute foi an overcoat. Now is the time to sub scribe. . A young woman in Detroit put thii personal in the Free Pre?t\ "Drar Nkd Come back; all is forgiven. Pa kickec the wrong man apd aidn't know it wai you. Come immediately. ' 5 ? ... IPalmetto THOS. McCETT of the largest SATjOON in iho up-country, d advertisements. The half is not mentione prepared for fall trade. The Palmetto House ! Foreign and Domesti I ? 1 the best the mnrket affords. He has t i Rye and Corn, Irish < Apple, Peach, California and Frer ] He can cheerfully recommend his good mixed drinks with nil the DELICIOUS UEVJ > I'ERATE DRINKS. His specialty is a large GENTLEMEN'S RESORT, : and you will not forget again. ! A Good Line of Tobacco ( Beer a ?3 CUNNINGHAM < IT A VP. I? Their Large and Wi FALL AND WI Oon sisfcin rr ? ? C3 Foreign and Dom NOTI HATS, HATS, II. J30C HARDWARE, HARD Groceriesf Groceries Crockery, ' At Lower Prices than thev were Ever C PAVILION HOTEL, CHRLESTON, S. C. First Class in all its Appointments. RATES, 82.00, 92.50. Excellent Cnisene, large airy rooms, Otis Passenger Elevator. Electric bell and lighte. Heated rotunda centrally located. Oct. I, 'rt4-tf 21 QENTRAL HOTEL, Mrs. M.W. THOMAS, Proprietress Broad Street, Augusta, Ga. 49 jgXOIIANGE HOTEL, GkeiskvtlJjE, S. C. The Only Two-Class Hotel - In the World. W. R. WHITE, Proprietor, f J^EW DINNER HOUSE, Greenwood, S. C. Kept by Mrs. F. G. PARKS. Cheap rates First-class fare. June 15th. 1882-tf. Ill T. P. TIlbMSON. J. W. THOMSON. , rpHOMSON & THOMSON, > Attorueys-at-Liaw, i Abbeville, S. C. CSnOffioe in rear Mr. Lee's. June 8th, 1885-tf. 100 ' QALHOUN & MABRY,. AMamadh nnil PAnnaalluM ! V?nr AllUlUuj0 aUU WUUUSWiyitt at IVflff, AbbevilUI C. H., S. C. i ffice formerly occupied by Judge Thom. son. tf-50 ROBT. It, IIKMPHILL, WM. P, CALHOUN. I , I JJEMPHILL & CALHOUN, , i Attorney s-at- Law, \ Abbeville, S. C. Will practice in the Courts of the State, j 64 r ??? ?????____? . L. W. PBRRIN. T. P. COT UK AN j pEKRIN & OOTHRAN, i Attorneys-at-Law, 9 I 1 *1 abvbtxllb, 8. o. . ; . ; 4-; . Aim wON&isk i ;?cfe y,:A c V - .V. . - : V,- 4?t' ' - e \ , " * >A *y \f\ >', ** T SALOON! ICAN, Proprietor lon't intend to dupe his customers by false d iu the three Abbeville papors. Hois well > is well stocked with everything in the line of c Wines and Liquors, ?ot Liquors nine years old. Good old ind Scotch Whiskies, ich Brandies, Porter, Ale and Fresh Lager Beer. Is to the public for MEDICINAL USE, and KRAGESof the senhon. Also COOL, TBM> stock of PURE GOODS. Call at the MO. 4 WASHINGTON ST. THOMAS McGETTIOAN. and Cigars. Budweiser Specialty. 47 o t r i? n i r t n li & s tmr lci un * STORE ell electei Stock of INTER GOODS, in DPart of* lestio Dry Goods, ONS, A.TB, )TS .AJSTD SHOES WARF, HARDWARE, >, Groceries, Crockery, Crockery. flcred Before l-tf-99 EfflBRSED HI 6|| BETTER ill SCIEHTISTS AS CHEAPER TIL PBAeHCALLT|^F^te A27 latetrnctitle Jgl3|j]|lf STOliE. Over 500 Send foi Beautiful WB .if Price Llot Designs. JSnj II jjpjj'| Circular? *rAHOI?ACTORKD BY MONUMENTAL BRONZE COMPANY. BBIDOKPOIIT. CCN:r. \ 18B5 AT THE HflntRnnial Salnnn | vuitivnniMi vMivwia For this year will be found * Absolutely Pure Jplrlta, North Carolina copper distilled Corn, Fineei brands of Kentuoky Rye, from 82 to 86 Per Gallon. Imported Cognac Brandy a Specialty ALSO Ales, Porter, Champagnes, &c In fact all the popular and standard good) that can be obtained. Together with an assortment of Tobaccos and Fine Olgars that can not h? Axcalled in nn?IU? ? -? Persons needing (inch (roods wonld not b< hnmbuggea by bayinff from Ibem. The place is second aoor from Oonr House. ODOMELL & COKKWGHAM, Proprietors, ABlfEVILLE, 8. C. jan 14-tf 2 J A M. thn nAUr ahniliii In Hn4? /m ? ? wuvt AJV/UllOf XjL with Ribbonn, Bird*, Flowers, Bafein. and Velvets to matob. . 02 R. M. HADDON & 00. J^UGENE B. GARY, Attorney and Counsellor-at-Law 52 AnarriLLB, B. G. . / .? v'..\ ; . .. . /. .. . v . -/ '' .'V | GOODYl i Carriage R< /"iAN" r?K FOT'Xn TITTC T.AnnrcjT ?tt PltnomiM Itono Carts, Plantation Wncons (al Har:jes? Saddle*. I'mIIih?, loath"** of nil kinds, V thirty day* ! will (IFFICR RPECTATj BARGAINS GIUS i?t. Iopr tlnn Manufacturers' Prices. These ern rr.aki?<: which I will guarantee equal to the b vincc yoursolvea that theynre absolute bargains, ^V. R. OOOJ (Successor to R. II. May & Co.,) OP S&sa- I ADGUSTA. f DAY & TAI Are Wow Receiving a I p.irri accc 'an uHBiminukV Mil FOR THE SPRI AT PIJICES TO SU1 And Never Before A.ttaineJ in ti We r?rr- rua'.ilcd to ^ivc our customers over at tin1, closes! possiitie cash prices. Cull and Children's Carriages T!n* Unci:' of HANDBAGS and TRI NKS. Willi's :hm1 l:MUKELLAS. TiIK WII .S(?N. (III:.1 >'S <fc CO. 'S PHILA 'I KN NIC SSI'10 W A CONS. 1, 2. and 4 I tors DAY TANNAIIIM/S ONE AND TW KXITJiSS AND IUCIjIVERY WAGONS. OJiOKTS, <\:c. KI1UI) lltlYT'S kKATIIKIt belting. thn i>ci.af'lNU. ISIVKTS. Hr?:. oak and iie CAI.K ANI) !<ININ(t SKINS. LASTS, TI IIAItNKSS aNI) SADDIiKS. WE CAI OIJII 11a1LNKS.v; DEi'aktmknt, in Will price. DAY & 1 *3 WHITE BE Would call tho attolion of bnyera to a I TT"fc T? CS GS 1->?m:mn"?Hy Inrunnntl nltnpfi?o. They have th h.tv" vvor tiflfroil. Tlipy h?iv? nl?o Rome handsc r*??riii'Oiit of ?ll?ii?.k mill Colored VELVETEENS a ?ji?ti? Siim? ?f Wool l,aro<* iu til] colors, the latesl Tli??ir tdorli ??f HIjACK C!11 MERE cannot b om?> in lltoMul(?c(i?iu of tlic*<i j?oods>, and are nppt guniUy and prion. \ j/ood lino of JERSEY JA.C 11 would attotii?h nny ouo to <i"> how very ohea pea?oii Huyurrt in lli>-* lino would do well to exa WHITE BI PAHT'KTS nn< > ?"> v<?ry ?*hi?np to be in the re I'K'L'.S hi"] ItVHJS can hu foaml at tho storo of V i l'c n'??>ve am only a few lto?s* in whic Special T:.t Oc^etftl Sl??ck of Fall and Winter Goods J w ii i t is n it ?5 I""4' ""orted, and more attrnctiv< r:cti* in all dyj.a*tini.ula. ft THE HUMAN EYE A JOSEPH OF?TIC S'i|n-r"?t any <i'lmr m n?i?. rvniMf rantm! in npn <.f li'iri. i?t ||m? piioiilinr for in of u ('.( >NC J AV1? I ll-rf i.f i-ij'hl. m:tl pwrfootly natural to to tint I.mi. \ i-iii/u nvwr ilivcctoj^ J. SILVER ?i?s la f^rfol'^cr <his timn thronsrhont tho Stn I?jiiiivii liix Tlwoiy and I'mol inn, ami nl ihcHittnH I.m "prittsi^loi* havu hr?n t' iml Ihoy are Hpokon r k loilmiobinift will corliry; tint original mill mm: room* II o at tho xaino tuno wislm* lo l?? uiulur qijitrlit w?>o nwroly ? ll.s yon a pair of kIhmao; novcr si-t* npfiin. 11" ha* OHtaliliHhncI in August) ciim* ycin mIioiiM liappnn to loso or hrnak yonr git a 'unall nominal sum, hh it is his misloni to Utiep hint l<? know ju*t t'i?' I'lan? von !?:?v*<t |iu*"li:i?o<l ' duch iueu H6 JuU^e 1'oltlo, Govern Coliiuil, Utu. CLOrai^! CLOTHI | IVKillear 33] V- - V v. *. ?. , , 4' " I CAR'S spository. >CK OP CARRIAGES, BUGGIES. I' sizes, 1 to 6 Iwse.l Rintrlo find Dnnhlf fajjon Material, &o.. Ac. For tho noxl IN A LOT OF ()"EN AND TOP BUG Buggies nre nil Fino Northern ami Eaat est. Call and examine them and con3YEAR, yV?2fa/*it? P. GEORGIA RAILROAD BANK. IT* ATI fl ? I I FACTORY' 703 IE0RGIA. | Eui~ MNAHILL, 'ine Assortment of 10 BUGGIES NG TRADE, T THE TIMES ! he History ol the Business y odvandtage by purchasing our good be convinccd. in Great Variety. SATCHELS ever brought to the citj .. WAGONS, all sizes. IC. 0 HORSE WAGONS. lt Belting ami Packing. st. in the Worltl. MLOCK SOUS LEATHER. 1 READ. CE.UKNT, E rr. X PARTICULAR ATTENTION TO [Cli WE EXCEL IN QUALITY ANE TANNAHILL, Augusta, Ga, [.OTHERS rew Specialties: Tiioir stock of &OOOS e cheapest lino of BLACK SILKS thoj >me Coiered bilks. Thoy have a good ?s for Dresses and Trimmings. They hav? t tiling for fine Dress Trimmings, e surpassed. They have bestowed unusual ired they are all riifht iu ros ?rJ to color, TKETtf, cheaper than ever before, p FLANNELS and BLANKETS are thij mme the stock of tOTHEES iach of all. A jarood assortment of CAR VH1TE BROTHERS. t Bargains can bo had. aow offered to the public by O T H ERS, > than they have ever carried. It i8 com sep .'M, 88.j-Um JJD SPECTACLES. SILVER, SXA.BT. ->rdanr? with t'to "oipnco and philosopnj CONVEX ELIL'SES, admirably adapted the eye, afiordin# the best artificial helj ESTABLISHED A l> KYK ULASS EMPORIUM <: CITY OF AGUSTA. to of Georcria for the purpose of making time introdncinff these Lenses. Wherevei if in the highest terms, as the following ly othors nan he soon and examined at hie rftood that he is not one of the traveling, s at exorbitant prices and whom yon may t. at pre*ont, 648 Broad Street, where in ihhp?, lie will replace the same for yon at i :i r?tfi-<ter of all he Hell.*, thereby enables rum iMtn. These testimonials are from liui dun and u host of othors. sep.8 )tlbS NG! CLOTHING! | ;OOK at the old gent above in a badtix isn't ne witu his pants all Daggy and no fit? My friends do you wish to avoid gotting into just such a scrape? Tlion when yoa make up your mind to buy a suit of clothes come right along to our store and have your measure taken and have your clothes made to order by the very best TAILORS IN THE COUNTRY. and then if they are baggy and ^ don't lit, just say to us "send these ^ clothes right back, I don't want ^ thorn nnd wont have them." jnorev\ over, we would not let you keep V\ them ourselves if they did not fit !> yon. "We are not working for a fall trade, but a trade we can by giving entire satisfaction hold in the future. llcmeruber our motto is "no fit no pay. Wo are yours truly, rotbers.