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Tar tea *T HmUh 1 M?, An evmlns turban of old Qptnlii lace is all in white, aaro for the tlpa of thb tails of two ermines. These two little anlmala are actually tied la a knot on the crown of the turban, i: Is beautiful rather than blsarre. *KMkk|H Owki. Jet coraba and hairpins, plain and carved, are enjoying something of a , vogue. The newest shell pins are not flnlshed with a flat carved surface, but ?how a knobllke dtconHon' Which has been used on bsrettss and combs. The effect of knobs out all over the head does not appeal to the womau who likes the smoothly coiffed head, so the fancy will hardly last. Mr Santla* <MI. ' A Fort Fairfield lady living ta the cwtutty says ?thst a short ttnse ago she was awakened at about 8 o'clock in the morning by a furious ring of the tele phone in her house. Feeling from the wildness of "the* ring that somebody's house must be on fire or that somebody ,wae bleeding to death, she scampered down stairs snd nervously seised the receiver, only to hear a shrill soprano voice shriek: "Got your waahln' done yet? Had mine out half an hour ago." ? Lewiston Journal. A Salt Wmtr tte ?4nhs. A brown and white check in a loosely woven tweed has" been successfully converted into a stunning golfing cos tume by a famous tailor. The skirt is plain and graceful In its ankle length Hues, and a russet brown cloth mskes the chic banded coat, which is dellc lously negligee, blouslng Just a trifle all round over a brown leather belt. The fronts are turned back and faced with the plaid, which material also fashions the smart little waistcoat that buttons over a shirt of white linen. The neck is arranged with the now de creed turnover linen collar and small bow tie. r String* For Bonndi and DM*. Strings of thin satin are by no means , exceptional, and make an effective finish to picture hats. Black liberty firings are attached under the brim of ulack velvet hat, and knotted togeth er ?iut, so that the knot rests on the wearer's right shoulder. This hat lias! the brim somewhat raised on tlie right aide, while curving down in the brim. The trimming consists of loops of the ribbon, each pleated Into the shape of a dahlia petal, arranged In two halves, embracing two-thirds of the crown. Joined by a handsome cut steel buckle of shield shape, and a plume of ostrich tips placed rather far back.? Millinery Trade Review. Mot Tor lh* Damfjr Woman. The trimming of the new skirt cover* the entire area of the' skirt, reserving a ?light bit of unclaimed surface at the top. When the material Is adaptable a pretty conceit is represented by a skirt trimmed with three frills? to wit, a broad one at the bottom, a narrower one half way op, and the third and last haTdly a quarter of a yard from the .waist lino. Lots of sartorial solecisms iwill be spared us if the fat, duuapy woman will relinquish nil claims to this * particular effect,'- leaving thexe frills to her tall, slight sister, and adopt the equally smart dlrectoirc skirt, which, with its clinging, long lines, will accen tuate ) *r "height n't least several inche*. With Kline 81??*m. A striking feature of a white cloth evening pelisse Is the sling sleeve. This peculiar sleeve Is very full and shirred up nuto a slmflow yoke. It is edged along the opcu part (the sling) with sable. From the front this opening la quite like some very old-fasbloncd gar ments. From the back the sleeves look like huge sagging puffs. In addition to being edged around the neck and dowu tho fronts with the fur it is adorued with two puffs of the cloth. The lowest one is four Inches above the edge. One goes around in a line with the bust. The sleeve, to return to the very novel feature, does not fall far below the elbow, which gives op portunity to show the dress sleeve. X *nj of Knt. The day of rest Is a terrible snare and delusion for the wife and mother, nud ?Hie is glad when Monday comes nnd who has seven workdays of relaxation before her. Verily for the busy housekeeper there Is no rest, for housework, be It done ever so well to-day, bobs up serenely on the morrow, to be done all over Mgain, snd children's appetites are of a tierce and terrible monotony, never sa tiated, and clothes wear out and dust gathers, and many a poor woman says with the prophet: "Vanity, vanity, all is vanity." If no one else deserves It the faithful liouse-mothera of this and past genera tions deserve an especially choice slice of the good things of tha next wprld. for their reward In this Is small and of little renown.? Philadelphia Telegraph. Kmp|oy<n?nt of Www. ' ' Oar Government has never been very generous in the employment of women for clerkships, as the records of the various bureaus show. But (Consul Motmghan, of Chcmnltr., says that worneu have become nu In dispensable factov in the German pos tal telegraph and telcpfnme service. In ?plte of the conservatism which pre vented the utilization of feminine ac tivities in public work In Germany un til nearly half n century later than iu IF ranee and Knglaud. LHome 4000 wwnen In Germany arc ow engaged In the Government tele phone service. The pay Is not high and ithe condition* are rigid, but the hours pre light and the salary ($357 a year) itffcrs a comfortable living. >, But the most satisfying feature of fe ttiale employment In Germany Is the JOovernment Insurance policy against Wd age, and It la not to be forgotten active labor after the prescribed num . Nr of i?n 6 1 faithful work arc ?warded * Government pensk?n on the MUM plane with men.? Boston Globe Cml mm* It* MtollM*. "If you wish to bnj coral bead*," re* marked the Jewel enthualaat, "you nut it to a reliable dealer. Why. even celluloid may be so shaped and tinted that the a vera re pernon would not know the difference. There's one. way to tell; however. If the chain la cheap. In thla case the very perfection* of the beads will convince the would-be pbtchhsfcr of their spurlousnees. 'Jl string of smsll beads at, ssy $8 or $10. frill be full of little Imperfections, if they be real. The larger the bead of real coral the more expensive. The old carved torsi jewelry of long ago went out because Itaraatmltated in celluloid till you couldn't tell the difference be tween pieces that cost $8 and $30. Just because the ' pretty beads in delicate pink are so expensive most persons fancy the branch coral chains, Are feet In length, that aall at f 1 and less, and 'are not real. But they are. and they are cheap because they are made of the tip ends of the coral branches, which are too small to be carved into any thing at all. All along the Italian coast these chains are sold for a lire lind a bslf (thirty cents). 8orento being the i fevored purchasing piece." ? Pbiladel I phia Record. PtaM Shirt Walat Prsssss. ThfT smartest shirt wsist dresses for thfS' season are plaid, the reel 8cotch designs, or color schemes in the browns and greens, or dull two-tone plaids. In the most expensive goods it is not at sll difficult to find the actual tartan design, the 8tewart. the MacDonald.the Bruce, the Wallace and so on through all the best known clans. And If you are Scotch descent It is the very swag ger thing to hare a shirt waist suit in the plaid of your own clan. The materia i? are a heavy Scotch wool mixture, silk mohnir, wash flan* nel, light Scotch flannel, taffeta, silk and wool voile aud straight cotton stuffs. iff you want to be most fash ionable you will have a wash flannel suit in some tartan color, a design tbat lias been fought under, sung to. and that has' been an Inspiration to the bagpipes on many a battlefield. The wool or silk shirt waist suit* nil have a pleated skirt, wide box pleats or narrow knife pleats, or cut circular or accordion pleated. And the blouses arc pleated to match, full over the chest for perfect <*omfort, loose in the arm hole, moderately full sleeves, with the comfortable elbow' spring. They arc very tailor made, all the pleats stitched and double stitched and flatly pressed, and the silk suits sometimes trimmed with bands, collar aud cuffs of suede lent liar. An excellent plan for washing these linings to prevent fading or the hag gard look of well rubbed fabric is to wash in hot ffu<fr of castfle soap an<J bopax powder. It savea- boiling, the use of a board and any possibility of shrinking. Have a tub half full of water that has boiled, add four table spce::fu!s of tv?r??T and half a cake of shaved soap. When this Is prepared It is a good plan before putting in your linings to first rinse out auy laces or ribbons or veils that you want to clean quickly without injury. Your linings will come clean In a few minutes light hand rubbing, and should be rinsed in clear warm and then In cl^r cold water. This is also a good method for doing up the plaid suits of wash flannel, which should never have permanent linings if there is auy intention. of sub* mltting them to laundry worries. You simply can't wash two different sorts of materials out in different r.ayu so that they will agree afterwards, and It is simpler to plan them separate from the start. It also makes ironing easier. The effort to iron a loose blouse with a fitted lining on the wrong side might easily. If women were not so patient, imperil household peace for a week. Fancy If mere man had to accomplish such feats in Ills daily office routine. The world would ring with the achieve ment. The prince** velvet is tlie chosen uitxlel. Velvet liats are worn with Velvet co*? tume*. Sleeve* are moderate In sixc, ending at the elbow. Tiny velvet check* are chosen. The quality I* UHiially chiffon. Barbaric necklaces complete the fln? ish of some stockless bodice*. That old favorite, the palm pattern. I* worked out In a velvet-piped *ilk puff on the front* of a novel waist. Fur tie* complete the collarles* coat on a cold day. Kimiue is first for dress weaf and chinchilla is next. Broadtail is smart. ' A velvet wrap? the darker the better ?may be immensely brightened and enriched by placing over the shoulder* to the length of a deep yoke strips of bronzy gold galon. Feather boas, or rather stole*, are worn by very many fashionable*. At a little distance white narbout i* often taken for fox, while brown marabout look* almost as much like some of the rich brown {nrs. Home of the most magnificent velvet dreswes show corded shoulder shirrlngs in epaulette effect. These shtrrlhgs ex* tend out over and take in the sleeva top*. The cut 5>f many a creation Is so Involved as to be a mystery. Hhoulder trimming* arc for the mo*t part in the form of extension* of other trimming. A cut-and-drled collar, such a* one of deep lace, Is practically un heard of. And cape* are so cut up and diggulsed to be hardly recognisable, USES OV LEMON 8. A teaspoonful of lenor Juice in a ?until cap of black coffee will, relieve bilious headache. Two or three sllccs of lemou fa a cup of (tmg tea will cure a nervous headache. Lemon Juice ?la' better than any drug or complexion powder for siring per matteut beauty and clearnesa to the shin.'. Lemon Juice (outward application) will allay the irritation caused bj the bltea of insects. A dash of lemon in plain water is an excellent tooth wash. It cot only re moves tartar but sweetens the breath. The juice of a lemon taken la hot water on awakening in the morning is an excellent liver corrective, aud for stout women Is better than any autl fat medicine ever invented.? The lu diana Farmer. 8ALAD8 AND HEALTH. It used to .be considered very Freuchy and forcigu to have salad with dinner or luncheon. Americana as a whole wanted regularly their Just deserts, and a . green- leaf or two more or leas counted for very little. In the Pie Belt pastry was tlie nec essary garnish for every meal. Down 8outh there were alwaya famous pud dlnga for the complete epicure, aud If a aalad was served at all u decade ago, it was a ponderous meat affair of which an entire indigestible uieal waa made. ' But to-day we are a wiser and sad der nation. Pies and puddings have wrought out their own puulshment, aud everywhere the dyspeptic microbe Is lurking in our midst, seeing what 'comfort and Joy he may devour. We have paid heavily because we scorned the green leaf to lighten our meala and sweeten our digestion. And why not? Once you awaken an American woman's interest in any thing? clothe;, outdoor sports or foods ?and straightway she sets sbout to excel. She makes the smartest clothes and is the finest sportswoman and the best cook in the world. This craze for greens has partly come about through traveling abroad where salads are such an important article of diet, and partly through their widespread recommendation by physicians. But you must bear in mind that by salads arc meant fresh green things from the garden or hothouse, lettuce, endive, escarol, cabbage, celery, chives, onions, fruits, and not meat soaked In oil or hard egg saute. Some of the inost delicious Ameri can salads are fruits and vegetables mixed, and served with cream dress ing. Aud oranges are delicious with celcry and mixed nuts, but this would be a shade richer than a dyspeptic would require. One reason, possibly, that Americans were slow to acquire a real relish of salads may have been because of the fear of devouring insects and microbes along with green leaves. It seems so difficult to' get anything that Is utt* cooked thoroughly, hygienlcally whole some. -But the London doctors seem to have solved the difficulty by order ing all greens, eaten in hospitals or by their patients anywhere, to be washed 1;; a vrer.fc so!?ti?n of borax water. Of course, the purest borax must be used and the solution must be always fresh. Half a teaspoonful of borax to a basin of fresh water Is about the right pro portion. Each leaf should be separ ately dipped up and down several times to insure perfect cleanliness, and rinsed lu clear water if conven ient. Though, if the greens were not rinsed, 110 harm would be done, as the borax solution Is absolutely without injurious properties, would, in fact, be a wholesome wash for mouth and throat. , Cream of Tomato Soup? Cook n half can of tomatoes until soft, then strain. Meanwhile have ready (i quart of milk heated in a double boiler and thick* ened, when at the boiling point, with a tablespoon ful of corn starch cooked with two tablespoonfuls of butter. Boll ten minutes, season with salt and pep per. Add the strained tomatoes and if very acid add half a saltspoonful of soda before turning in with the milk. Servo at once with croutons. riain Pumpkin Pie? Pare and stew pumpkin that has been pared and cut In small pieces. Cook it long enough to be quite dry, then press through a colander or a puree strainer. To one cup of pumpkin add one beaten egg, three tablesponns of molasses, a pinch of sale, a rounding tablespoon of su gar, a level teaspoon of ginger and two cuns cf inilk. Line a plate with paste, build up a rim r.nd fill with the pump kin mixture. Bake slowly. Totato Soup? Wash, pare r.nd cut for.r medium sized potatoes Into small pieces, cover with cold water, add a tea spoon fcl of salt and cook until done. Have ready a pint of milk scalded In n double boiler, together with a teaspoon ful of chopped onion and a little celery or celery seed. Take the potatoes from the Are, turn olt the water, mash, pour the hot milk on thefn and mix well. Season to taste, thicken with a tablespoonful of but te' melted with a tnblespoonfui of tlour. add a tablespoonful of nilnccd parsley and serve with crackers. ^onmntlidori. Conductor on the Brooklyn Rap. Transit, tangled with a live wire, re ceived l.r?00 volts, only 200 less than aro required by law for an execution, and still lives. ' This may be pretty *ood in Brooklyn, hut the lads over here on the Broadway Line e an stand twice that, and the volts are frequently seen escaping by tho side street, bow Ing their heads In shame and pur sued by the coarse laughter of tht nickel grabbers.? New York Telegram. The French provincial railroads are among the poorest Id the world. The AmMdextroos Society, of Lon don, has bmfonMl with the object of Mconwiy p?pli to use both < bands with eqttl facility. ^ A recent mechanical wonder !? a telegraphic instrument *rhlch send* 1000 words a minute over lines 1000 miles In length. A human operator can transmit fifty words a minute. Welding by electricity Is brought to such perfection that welding appar-.' atus can be carried to a railroad track; and two rails joined as *olldljr sa If they had come out of the rolllug mill In one piece. A novelty In stoves is a battleship range, with steel racks tor preventing the pots and pana from going helter skelter In a high ses. and with ingeni ous braces for holding the range it self In place. Though the ocean covers about three-fourths of tbe surface of the earth. It doew not In tbe same propor tion provide for the wants o( man. It Is estimated that only about three per rent, of the people In the world obtain their living directly from the sea. Dr. Wolf, director of tbe Kocttinsa atuhl Obaervator.v. In Berlin. Germany, haa discovered photographically a new planet, of the thirteenth .magnitude. I ^t is presumed to be one of a number revolving between the orbita of Mara and Jupiter, of which number 50V have been already charted. T<sat year coal constituted about forty per cent, of tbe total tonnage of the American railways. To carry a ton In England from the Yorkshire coal flelda to London, a distance of l.">8 miles, costs $1.87. while coal la carried from the Carbondalc coal region, In Illinois, to Chicago, 27C miles, for seventy-five cents. THE MOOERN MORSF. H? Mnit B* a Bmmi of taprrlor IntellU C*nrc Wow-cD?j>. The liorse is getting wise. He al ways was intelligent, but he has learned many things .in the last lew years. A really successful horse to day must know a great man}- things not essential t\* Those olden horses who did not live in electric-lighted stables or ride up mid down stair* on au ele vator, and did not hare their hair cut | by electricity. A horse to have a ca reer to-day must not only have liorse sense, but he must be acquainted with/ the ways of the world, says the Wash ington Star. He must be a "horse-of the-world" or a "horse-about-town," if It be permissible to paraphrase those hard-worn phrases, "man-of-the-world" and "man-about- town." Nearly every horse is becoming an educated horse. During the last few years the horse has been taking a course in the study of automobiles, and already he has a very good understanding of the sub* Jecl. Time was when a horse would forget his spavins, sore shoulders or quarter crack and would jump a six bar gate at sight of oqe or aters. Now he can wtilk look it la the lamps and sniff iflTevll breath witftut Watting a trapft or kicking in tb# dashboard. He cafeow meet one of these benzine bnggB on a lonely road and a dark night^rlth out throwing either a fit or his flder. The time may be coming when the horse and the nuto will sleep in the same stable and drink from the same bucket. There ras the trolley car. A few years ago it was the abomination of every horse. Now the horse would feel positively loneoome if he had all the street to himself and did not have his wngon smashed now and then ns a diversion. The horse is learning. Economising Vital Tort*. As a result of careful study nod many exhaustive experiments the writer Is convinced that the Average man or woman uses up in iiie perform ance of ordinary every day acts from three to fifteen times the amount of vital force necessary. The vitality so wasted is in many cases sufficient t? make all the difference between weak ness and strength, between sickness und health or between failure and .success. The ways in which vitailty Is wast ed are many and various. We need consider but two ? incorrect posture of the body and excessive muscular action. Another, and most far-reach ing factor in nervous vital waste is lack of control of the emotions. A bent body is strained by its own weight? so we find that among people having such bodies the mere act of holding up the body in standing, walking and moving about requires from four to ten minutes as much vital outlay as the straight body.? Dr. W. 15. C. Latson, in Success. Th? Klit of the Mm. The phenomenon of the changes in the level of the sea is one of which Is well shown In the case of the Medit erranean. A recent brochure present ed to the French Academy of Sciences furnishes interesting information on this point, it being apparent that the sea has greatly Increased In depth as compared to ancient times. Formerly a bridge 3000 feet long united Leucade to the Continent. To day it is submerged, but. tha founda tions of the work were discovered eleven feet beneath the surface. It may, therefore, be cow!uded that since the construction of tho bttdge the sea has risen at this point over nine feet. Similar Incidents have been not ed at other point*. In Pcrftot Accord. * One of the stories attributed to Bish op Totter concerns a young and inex perienced clergyman who hud just been called to a city charge. At the ?ad mi tka first month Ills salary was paid %Jr a Check a/nl In- took ft to the bank AM passed ft in at tli? paying tei MVfjM INdow . The otHelal looked at it MriLtbrn passed It back. "It's per terttt rood," he said, "but t will hava to aiwTTou to indorse it." The young cleftyman took his pen and wrote across the face of the check: "I re spectfully subscribe to tho sentiments herein expressed." SOME SWEET PEAS HINTS. Any one may have sweet pee* with their Widow fragrance, throe to four weeks earlier, by sowing la the fall In stead of spring. 'Jhey are hardj and will stand quite a freeze after com! up up. I prepared the ground by giving ? light dressing with well rotteu inn nare; spsded - up and sowed lu the usual manner. On the 2d of March, whdn the ground waa thawing out 1 raised the board and was surprised to find the peaa coming through the ground. Later we had two snow storms snd several freeslng nights, but It did not seenp to )>art them.? D. DeVecmon, In The Epltomlst. STRAWBERRIES. * Where . possible spring planting should be employed, ss better fruit crops result thsn where plsnts are set lu the felt, but where the summer heats destroys the plants fsll planting Is essentlsl. The soil should be In perfect condi tion and well mulched. Plants should be obtained froip the nearest plant nursery snd there should be no delsy In putting them to the Held. As soon as there has been\ a good rain the plants should be obtsined, set with es pec Is I care snd frequently hoed until they ere established. If the soil be comes dry the plants must be watered or they will soon die. For fall plant ing about twice the number of plants are nsed than when set lu spring. Evety effort must be put forth to ob tsln the most vigorous growth, as there Is at most only ten or twelve weeks In which the plsnts can devcN op and strengthen their fruit buds. THE PLUM AND ITS ENEMIES. Tlio?e who hare orchards of plums still prefer the jarring of the trees to all other methods for capturing of the curcullo. Early in the morning the curcullo Insects are in a half torpid state, and a jarring of a tree causes them -to drop quickly. A sheet is spread on the ground to catch the in sects, and they are theu burned or otherwise destroyed. It Is a bettes method than spraying. In orchards of plums twhere liogs have the run of the enclosure and where the jarring is practiced bu* few curcullo will be found after the first year. The few plums that fall punctured by the cur sulio which were not destroyed or which have done their work before, oaten by the swine, which pre sents the exit of the larvae; and in this way an orchard Is almost im mune In a few years. There are var ious devices for jarring the trees. Some drive in an iron plug, which is struck by a heavy mallet, others use a block of wood padded where It is attached to me tree, and this block is struck with a heavy mallet. Be tween jarring the trees and destroying fallen frutt before the Inrvae can es cape, the pests can be so lessened as to insure a crop of fruit after it is set. Spraying the foliage- and fruit when young, to kill fungi germs, is also to be' recommended, or tha crop may be loat through ' the fruit rotting.? Prac tical Farmer. j. ? PANSIES AND SPUING BEDDING. Numerous varieties of pnnsies are given from four or five types. The Cuieis* are marked by three in tlie catalogues, but they are all derived great velvetry blotches; the Bugnots by live. Both are foreign strains, but thrive admirably in this country. The Odler pansy is llnest, however, when given the protection of a cold frame in winter. Cassiers and Trluiardeous are both superb, large flowered sorts, the latter rather flabby in appearance. The English pansies are large, round, velvety beauties not very well adapt ed to this country. The bedding pan sies are u mass of small, brightly col ored flowers; they fairly bloom them selves to death. . It is time to choose between them, of to sow alt of them, if you have room. Uauplly before the last flowers of Inst 'year's seedlings have faded there will be young pansy plants springing from self sown seed all over the bed. , An old cold frame that can be shad ed in the day time is a 'capital place in which to sow pansies now. Lack ing this, they can be sown in a box or pot in the window, on a corner of the porch or in a cool, sheltered nook almost anywhere in the garden. If an outdoor bed is chosen for the w?w 1ns, be careful that the soil is deeply dug. very rich and moderately porous with leaf mold and uand; also that the surface of the oed is raised enough to keep the water from standing on It In winter. Otherwise tnt? little seed lings will need to be transplanted. My own seedling pansies are always transplanted from the cool, sheltered noofr that early Tall or midsummer sowing presupposes, to a well pre pared one that gets the sun and the shelter of buildings all winter. In other words, I do my transplanting In October Instead of In the spring. From this sunny bed the plants are trans ferred after they bav.? bloomed through April, May and .lune, to one having a northern exposure. Here tlity rest and give a few blooms dur ing summer, blooming finely again In fall. When the fall rains begin each old root will send up strong new shoots tiiat In a littlo while will be full of lovely flowers. The bedding pansies may be sown in <|uuntlty in spriuR for summer flowers.? Vlck's Maga zine. Provocation, "I admit that I hit the plnintiff,* ?aid Hubbubs, "ami I'd do it again if "Conic! Conic!" interrupted the magistrate: "don't tnlk that way." "Judge I was down my cellar last night trying to coax the furnace to give out some heat. In ilic inldxt of my work the bell rang and I had to answer It. When I opened the door this man stepped In and tried to sell me a patent flrc-extlnghlsher!"? ? I'hlln dclphia Press. It Ik possible to repeal a law, hm not * banana, wisely states the L'hUt dtlplii* Kccvid. WnWHUMOBC of THE DAT ? ? ? ? e ?? ?IP?? *1lh, y?, we blondes are getting ?oaree/* The flower of the beauty flock ?igi?ed; And farther ecarceneaa to prevent. 8 he went and blew in her Hit ccnt For one more bottle of peroxide Mar M4 Tolling to Order. "Hen peck tells his wife everything that be does." '"Yea. and he does eTcngrtblng that, tie tells him."? Illustrated Bits. She? * Are you sure you love me for myself alone?'* He^- "Did ygm. think I lovod you for your motlier?*? Bomerville Journal. Anchor* Nmm. Tortoise? "There ia no moss on tuy back!'* The Hare? "That's because you're a species of rolling stone."-*DetroIt J'ree Press. "His iimHi "llke^ia^father's. bu\ where did he get those black eyes?'* "He called me a name yesterday and I gave them to him.'*? Cleveland Plain* Dealer. Um One. . "The trustee of the compauy has flown with the cssh." "Did he use a flying machine?" "I said he hsd flown, didu't 12"? Fort Worth Record. NaMttoM. "What would you think of a man who would feed breakfast food to bis chick ens?'* "I should think the chtckeus would be Isying for him."? Houston Post. TtM Ited. IJpson? "Is love a disease?'* Downs ? "The worst in the world. Pickleson nearly died with it.'* Upson? "What cured him?** Downs? "Marriage." ? Detroit *te< Press. Flying Lm|). Ida? "Where did you first meet Har |ldV" May? "Down at the beach. He pro posed to me while we were ou the springing board." Ida? "And you accepted him on the jump, eh?"? Chicago News. * Mo RMMUlmon(?r. City Niece? "I'm told that Miss Back Bay is a philatelist." Aunt Mlrnndy? "Well, now, I don't believe no sech story, an' If I wuz you I wouldn't repeat It. There's too much scandal goln' about uowndays, any how." .Taut Their 81m. Ensign (of the Baltic fleet) ? "Your iSxcellency, -I am informed thut there are dangerous rumors afloat." Admiral (excitedly) ? "Where are they? I'll tackle 'em, no matter how dangerous they are. I'll blow 'em out of the water, 1 will!" CarnlMi Man. Mr. Nooritch? "Our friend Jiggins lias made a lot of money offen a shoe string start, but lie still talks like a roustabout." , Mr. Sturckile ? "Yes, I notice so. Now that he's made his pile, why don't he hire a tooter and learn to talk proper, like I done?" Too Much Work to Do. Village Postmaster ? "We ought to have another clerk here." Inspector? "More than she can do, eh?" Village Postmaster? "Yes; why, some times she don't get through reading all the post cards before 10 o'clock ut night."? Tlt-Blts. w ' t A Definition. "Teacher," asked little Johnny, "what's a Amaion?" "A woman who fights," replied the teocher kindly. "Cce! I guess maw must be a Ama zon, then," softly murmured Johnny, with vivid recollections of certain com bats under the parental roof. VMltlBg o?m?. "Tag!" exclaimed the big policemon ton Washington Boulevard. "Is this a game of tng?" nuked the chauffeur of the unnumbered racing machine. "Yes, and you are 'It.' ** And then the policeman walked the chauffeur off to tho station.? Chicago News. Ycrjr Lifelike. /? "I see you have a photograph of .u/ wife? Mrs. Pyle Onstylc? In your show case. It's very like her," said the eld erly caller. "Yes," replied the photographer# somewhat bitterly, "and slie lianu't paid me for It yet." "Ah! that's still more like her."? Phil adelphia Press. The y neat Ion of the Tlonr. "John," said his wife, In a lirni tone. "What is it, dear?" responded tho husband. "You've been supporting Mr. Sniff kins 'for Congress for the past two months, haven't jou?" "Yes. my love." "And he was elected, wasn't he?'* "He was, my dear." "Well," nald the wife, with a steely glitter in her eye, "don't you tbtnk you can whirl in now and help support this family?"- -Houston Chronlclc. HER DUTY. To akin? in her club, abe'a amoitiou^ bbe talk* jn a mannrr ofliciou*. And yon can't tnaka tier aaa That ahe really ahonld be v In her kitchen at bine wathinf didiMM,' ? Cleveland Lradsc* ? OYER THE 'PHONE. First Voice? "la this the gas of ficer' Second Voice? "Well. In a way, y?.,, L First Voice ? "What de you mean?* 8econd Voice ? "It's campaign head* quarters."? Houston Chronicle. OVERHEARD IN THE STUDIO. "What a pretty girl," complimented the photographer. "Why, you am aweet enough to eat." "Thanks," responded the maiden, with a deep blush; "and Is that the reason you are going to put me en a plate?"? Chicago News. THE REAL. THING. "Are the members of your amateur dramatic club very enthusiastic?*' "Are they! Why, when we presented 'Hamlet' In the next village last week half the company walked all the way, home on the railroad track just to give it a professional flavor."? Puck. TOO OPAQUE. "Bah Jove!" drawled tbc dude board er. "I certainly do admire the New port aet." "Excuse me." said the buffoon board er. "but beforo going further, would you please state whether you mean people, hens, or teeth 2" ? Chicago News. ?" OVERDID IT. " Fannie? "And what did you say when he said you were the tirst girl he bad ever proposed to?" Blanche ? "I told him he was the first man who had ever proposed to me. And, do you know, I don't think ho felt a bit flattered. Funny, isn't it?"? ? Boston Transcript. HE KNEW. Ills Mama? "Gcorgie, you roust use your right band. I dob't want you to become left-handed." Georgle ? "Why, mama, some of the best pitchers on tbe diamond arc left handed."? New York Press. HOW IIK JUDGED IT. ' Baity Moore? "Cowper was a great guy for his secret societies, wasn't he?" Calvert, Jr. ? "I never heard so; but why do you suspect it?" "Wasn't it ho who wrote, 'O for a Lodge ii? Some Vast .Wilderness';?" ? Baltimore American. ? JIK DIDN'T OWN IT. MWhat do you mean by Jabbing your umbrella iu my eye, sir?" asked the indignant victim. "Kindly give mo your address,* calmly replied tho offending party* "and I'll ask the owner of the umbrella to mall you an apology the tlrst time I see him."? Chicago News. VENGEFUL. Harris?' "I suppose Foster was pretty well wrought up when he found tbat somebody had stolen his gold watch?" Barlow? "I should say he was! He was wild with rage. He said the watch was live minutes slow, and be hoped it would make tbe thief lose a train or be too late for an appoint ment, or some such vexatious thing as that."? Boston Transcript. M I8UN DEBST AN Di * v*. Lawson? "Hullo, Doe. (.lad to see you back. Did you kill anything?" Dr. Carver (with dignity)? "I don't know what you mean. I bave just rc? turned from New York, where 1 waf called to perform an important ian gleal operation." I^awson? "Great Scott! I thought you'd been out in the Adlrondacks on a hunting trip."? Somervillo Journal. DIDN'T LOOK THAT WAY TO HIM. "Did you show that accouut t? Ardut again to-dny?" "Yes, sir." "Did you tell hlna It hsd been on tb* slate long enough and I'd like to rub it out ?" "Yes, sir." "What did be say?" "He said it looked as If you were trying to rub it In."? Chicago Tribune. Couldn't frftfiit It. After a stormy Interview wllh Mr. Boodelle, the successful contractor and politician, the indignant caller, had gone away. "I fully expected to see you slug Mm," said tho private secretary, "when he called you a 'persistent vio lator of the eighth commandment.' " "I suppose I ought to have done It." swld Mr. Boodelle, grinding his teeth, "but I couldn't recall the eighth com mandment to save my life!"? Chicago Tribune, ? - ? .