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Cjje pamberg Jieralb! EST A BUSHKI> APRIL, 1891. j Published Weekly at Bamberg, S. C. I HJntered as second-class matter April | 1891, under Act of March 3, 1879. $2.00 PER YEAR. Volume 29. No. 53. Thursday, Dec. 30,1920. ^.et's Laugh^ Pro and Con. Some folks go to the movies to get the thrills they never have in real life; others go to forget the real excitements they have had. Cries of "Hangar, Hangar!" First Sweetie: "He inherited lots of money and he's a high flyer, but he's so- terribly homely." Second Sweetie?"Sort of an heirplain, huh?" The Reason. "There goes Simpkins. I wonder why he walks so fast." "He says shoes are too expensive nowadays not to make them work."?. (Cartoons Magazine. Yes, Indeed. "When I began business on my own account I had absolutely nothing except my intelligence." "Indeed, that was a small begin- , ning."?Fliegende Blaetter (Munich). Plugs and Horses. Of course it is some trouble to clean a spark plug, but do you remember what a task it was to get over an entire horse with a brush and curry comb? \ _ Easy Solution. Mistress?"Bridget, you have brok* -en as much china this month as your wages amount to. Now how can we (prevent this occurin gagain?" Bridget?"I don't know, mum, unless you raise me wages."?Edinburgh Scotsman. A Scarcasm From the Legit. "All that motion picture lacks is 4;he mere matter of human speech." "Well," replied Mr. Stormington tBarnes, who never will forget the palmy days, "that's all a deaf and dumb asylum lacks."?Washington Star. Light on the Matter. "This paper says that*the human system contains sulphur." "In what amounts?" "Oh, in varying quantities." "Well, that probably accounts for ?ome girls making better matches than others."?Boston Transcript. Not Expert. New Maid?"I am very sorry to say tVio mifitrp?s is fillt." bAXUiV ViiV ? Visitor?"Why are you sorry to say ; it?** New Maid?"Because I am not ac- " customed to fibbing."?London Opinion. * Consideration Assured. "Is your wife going to follow your advice as to how she will vote?" "I think so," answered Mr. Meekton, if I exercise my usual precaution and find out exactly what her ideas are before I offer my advice."- Washington Star. Polite Hint. Customer?"I say, do you ever play anything by request?" Delighted Musician?"Certainly, sir." Customer?"Then I wonder if you'd be so good as to play a game of dominoes until I've finished my lunch."?Punch (London). TTvru>f>tatiniic iHVV una, ii.?rv vwviv.x The cherry caller tried to persuade old Aunt Martha not 'to dwell upon her troubles, telling her she would feel happier if she ignored them. "Well, honey," said the old lady, "I dunno 'bout dat. I alius lowed when de Lord send me tribulation he done spec' me to tribulate." ? Boston Transcript. His Miscalculation. "It dess goes to show, sah," confessed Brother Buckaloo. "It bodaciouslv shows how a smaht man can be mistook. I done riz in miih indignitude, dor in de business meeting' I feelin' dat uh-kaze de Lawd and dej prophets was wid me I had de ma-! jority on muh side. But?huh!?all | de rest of 'em was ag'in me and dev fust howled me down and den th'ow- I ed me out. And so dar will be an awgin and a fiddle in de church atter dis, spite o' de fact dat me and de j Lawd and de prophets knows it's wrong, and done said so to de best of our debility." J % Sad Remembrance. Passengers on a branch line rail road (to conductor) ? Why does th< engine always let out such a piteoin howl when we pass this spot? Because it was here the .enginee; met his first wife. Ye Old Tyme Humor. Two knaves walking past a gal lows: said the one: Xow Pedro, when would ye be if yon gallows had it: due? Second Knave?Walking alone Aaolphus. walking alone.?Ex. Not Just the Same. "Do you find married life th( grand, sweet song you expected?" "Well, it is at least a glad refrain.' "Refrain?" "Yes; I'm called upon to reiran from smoking, refrain from cards, re frain from going to the lodge, anc when there isn't anything in particular to refrain from, just to refrain." A Complete Outfit. "Say, waiter," the peeved diner exclaimed* "a steak that is like a piece of leather is bad enough, but why dc you bring me a knife that is as dull as a hoe at the same time?" "Well, sir," the waiter explained kindly, "you can use the steak tc strop the knife on, and then you can use the knife to cut the steak." Very Mysterious Plays. "Charley, dear," said young Mrs. Torkins, "do you remember how you laughed at me because there were some things I didn't understand about the ball game?" "Yes." "Well, after reading some of the ^ _ *MjP White I ffSWrffll Feelinf Mack's D BAMBERG, SC Money hoarded is idle Money deposited in tl for Credits of several ti These Credits help th VX _ _ _ -V* vil o vir< + IXoeuuiiSii UUIIUII piana, u the Manufacturer and ! | sential Business. Besides being always funds are safer and pal posited with us. I RESOURCES OVI I txAViKi65 A6COOWTS ! recent news, I want to ask you, as -, man to woman, weren't there some 3 things about that game that you si didn't understand either?"?Waah! ington Star, r! A Quick Shave. I A man came running into a barber shop and said to the barber, who hapa | pened to be an Irishman: | "Shave me as quick as you can; I j want to catch the next car." j I Pat, the barber, hustled and soon , I j had the man shaved, when he said: I "Well, you did a quick job!" "Yes," said the barber, "but I could a have shaved you quicker than that if I had had a little more time." A Mother Mislaid. 1 Into the county clerk's office in an - Ohio town came a lad with a most I woebegone expression. He finally ap proached an officer and said: "Have you seen anything of a lady around ftereV" "Why, yes," said the officer with a smile. "In fact I have seen several." j "Have you seen any without a little ? boy?" continued the lad. [ "Yes," said the officer. "Well," continued the youngster, t evidently relieved, "I am the little > boy. Where's the lady?" L Long-Time Engagements. The taxicab driver turned at the . end of the second hour and eyed his i client suspiciously. i "Are you taking me by the hourj or by the day?" he asked "By the year," responded the haggard passenger." I'm looking for a ! home!"?Pearson's Magazine. Teeth, Healthy Gums, id a Clean Mouth >PLE who use Kleazo Dental reme regularly, tell us that it their teeth white?their firm?and their mouths y, clean, and comfortable, that Cool, Clean, Klenro Klenzo is a safe dentifrice, red by the dental profession e it does all that" any VUgUb kU uv/. NTA L CREME 250 =/ rug Store >UTH CAROLINA. ! and useless. | le Bank becomes the basis I mes its own amount | e Government to carry on I he Farmer to grow Food, I Merchant to carry on Es- I : ready to your call, your f triotically employed if de- ? ER $1,000,000.00 J gllllllllllllllllilllilllillllillllilliii I Contentment What a wonderful b ( old folks happy and < Jj ter of their lives. T1 /M M Piro^r ,|p luiiicdd tu men ojroieu (J many years back. | You too, can attain tF 1 ment by starting a SJ J right now. Come to < | let us show you ho1 J and to have. 1 BAMBERG, SOU j A. M. DENB( jj C. W. RENTZ, SR., H w. S. BAMBERG, Vice Presidf XX I i?*> 1 ^ SI ? 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