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Nobody's Business Written for The Chronicle by Gee McGee, Copyright, 1927. NOBODY8 UCHINKS,S A young fellow down to cheek my electric meter the other day. He had nil kinds of little boxeh a//d instruments and wires that nobody knows anything about. He rigged ' up his stuff and counted its pulse, and then explained to me that the voltage was at least 8 ohms too slow and that where 1 was using (J wutts according to my^ monthly bill, 1 should have been paying for 10 watts, and he also found that 2 kilowats were missing on 4 circuits, and I lacked 9 ampere* of being in line with a high tension current which was calculated to throw my switch during a verjiol equinox. He speeded it up enough to meet the taxes on power companies, and bade me a most hearty good-day, and left. A job hunter dropped in to see me Tuesday and said: I don't guess you ain't got nothing a man can't do so's he can get a bite to eat, is you?" 1 told him: "No, what kind of work are you looking for?" He a ve red,?" Well, jes' so's it's somethin' u guy can do without hurting a sore back and a busted rib: I simply ain't strong, but if you don't happen to huve nothin' I can't do for you, how about lifting me to the tune of ? thin dime to keep off the wolf?" (You may not believe it, but I gave him a nickel). advertisement not is: i will have 2 thousand baby chlx to sell next week at 1 o'clock as J have set my brooder to come off then at el2 for 10, all garranteed to be alive when took off. these chickens is from the famous red island roads and their grampaw took all the blue ribbins at the last state fair ansoforth, and will make the best layers and the deepest scratchers and the loudest crowers in captivity and the sweetest chicken pie ever was, come 1, come all, these bargains won t last, so rite or foam how mantiy you want, and h ow come, allso bring the monney. no checks excepted, and i don't mean mebbe. yores trulie, mike Clark, rfd. The newspapers are full of "In Momoriams" these days. Nearly .everbody likes to see something in print about their loved ones. All of the contributors speak of "the voice thHt s still* and "the vacant chair" and "he's gone on before" and "that happy shore to die no more," and many other touching epitaphs. I think the newspapers should all set aside a page for the beautiful poetry and rdmbling prose that the bereaved seems so full of here of late.] There is an abundance of talent that might bo developed along this line, and I'm sure the editors would rather have eulogies and poetry than advertising. He Was A Stranger And He Took I'm In. I)id y< u ever notice how your town and my town rave over strangers? How they like to give their best jobs to people from afar otf .' How wonderful they think a preacher is if he is imp rted from some distant state? What a remarkable person a' certain school teacher is if she hltppens to Ik* from Mrfgland or Canada, or from H>inc other foreign land9 Home-folks and natives ain't in it with strangers. And, that reminds me: A Mr. Fuller Hull blowed into our city not b>ng ago from the Lord only knows where. He wore a good suit of clothes and a bad reputation but nobody seemed to care about his reputation. He could toot a flute to some ext? nt and wielded a mean mouth on a saxophone, and was not a bad yodler by any meat.-;. By some chance Mr. Bull gut himself into the choir in one of our Jeading churches one. Sabbath, and his K-Flat voice caused all uf the women and half the men to fall for him. You know when a follow can get to you thru the medium of the church the getting ain't so difficult. In fact, Mr. Hull was practically a charter member just'as soon as he belched forth a few notes of "When the Roll is Called Up Younder." Several of the lay-members wnnted him to move his letter right on over, and a few deacons were in favor of baptising him on the spot. Mr. Bull was called "Fuller by practically everybody in less than 3 weeks. He took tea with different ladies every evening, ami was invited out to dinner at least 7 times a week. 'He became the idol of the town in praeiieatty no time. He had folks endorsing bis note (till his )?*t cheek got in from Philadelphia) end wm jfty a few defer* ler* and a few dollar* there every chance. He had no trouble getting what he wanted when he wanted it. Folk* were juat ^tumbling over one another to do hirn a favor. He rode in a different car nearly every day. Flapper* from far and near hunted up "Fuller" ever and anon and begged hirn lovingly and tenderly to take a ?pin with them, and Fuller rarely ever failed to be spun. He attended all of the big function*, and joined the chamber of commerce, arid subscribed to everything that he had a chance to aubacribe to during hi* short stay amongst us. BUT? , About the seventh week, the sheriff from Bunkville arrived?the night after Mr. Fuller left. He was an escaped convict. He was a check Masher and a note forger and a safe blower. He was wanted nearly everywhere, but he was gone to new fields. But we lov?-d him while he let us. .We still have his checks and accounts and notes to the tune of $/.r>0.00, and some of the girls will miss him too?in years to come. Three Civilian Aviators Bead Wilmington, Calif., March 18.? Three civilian aviators were killed and two children were injured here today when the wing of an airplane collapsed and sent the machine hurtling 2,300 feet to the ground, crashing in the front yard of. a home where a half dozen children were at play. 1 he children ran for safety a:> the plane came down toward them. One 14-year-old boy was knocked unconscious and an apron was torn from a four-year-old girl by a piece of falling plane. The dead were: Jack Martin, 2 4, , of Los Angeles, pilot; William H. Huruburt, of Ivox Angeles, passenger; 1/eonard T. fmglish, of Huntington Park, Cal., passenger. Pick The Kind They Like Best No woman, except the one who drew a blank at the altar, can understand what another woman sees in her husband. Finch thinks her own a wonder, and feels sorry for other women becquse their husbands arc mean or lazy or dumb or wicked; but my private opinion is that all wives are in about the same fix. They all got fouled. Some months ago a well-padded sister here in the village expressed sympathy for another whose husband takes an occasional snort. Well, the rascn; does indulge a little; doubtless his sins worry his wife. But the fat sister who offered her sympathy has a husband as crooked as a dog's hind leg. He acts pious, but everybody in the village, except his wife, secretly despises him. The explanation, I suppose, is that j every woman picks a mate to suit her individual taste. If he's crooked or - neaking or vicious, she loves him j -till because those qualities fit her j peculiar standards. No man has his wife fooled. He may have fooled her while courting, bu' she sees through him now. And i! he continues to admire him, it's 1h ause they are in the same class. Ma reel le and I pal around and have i more fun together than either of us j c-.uld have any other way because we j are alike?except that 1 am always j sweet and gentle and she raises hell .at times. It s .foolish to waste sympathy on a wife. As a rule she picked what -he wanted, and strange as it may she's satisfied. Her man may seem sorry to you, but doubtless sh likes that kind?and she's the ( ne who has to put up with him. ?Fountain Inn Tribune. General revision of all postal rates were recommended in the houso representatives of congress on Tu >sda\ when the post-office committee gave approval to the bill of Represenative Griest of Pennsylvania. The bill would restore all postal rates to the lo\ el of 1921, with reductions totaling $10,000,000. Killed His Physician For Loss of His Lccj Scranton. Pa.. Marcn 13.? Three j hours after he had shot and killed Dr. j Gerald A. Kelly in his office in Jesi sup, Joseph Kamoniskey, Jr.. 28, al-.> of Jeswup, was arrested in a thentr" here yesterday. Kameniskoy attempted to draw two pistols from n.s pockets, but was overpowered by the officers Hustled to police headquarters. Kameniskoy was turned over to Sheriff O. C. Davis, to whom h confessed that he killed the phyeician because he participated in an operation three years ago that resulted in Amputation of his right leg below the knee. He has since used an artificial leg. Kameniakey was arraigned on a charge of murder and held without bail. The merder took place la Dr. "Kelly's ?'?w ? ?* I Odd Note in Ruler*e Compliment to Liezl In "Table 'JulU" Juntos Hilly tell* these yarns The Intn emperor of Austria. when l/lnzt played before him, went tip to compliment him. "| have heard Halts and Thai hers ?H?d Chopin." he said, "hut I have never seen anyone' perj spire like you." Hilly was Invited to an affair tq Paris to meet Cheruhlnl It waa hoped thai the great maeatro would entertain with hia wonderful talent. On arriving. Chertihlnl'M tlrat words were, "Now place me where I alian't hear a note of music the whole evening" And so he waa placed, und he played cards the whole night. While Coleridge waa traveling with an aristocratic friend through York they met a nobleman. "I'll get up behind.*" aald the poet "and he'll take rne for a servant." "Hy no tneana." aald the other; "that would he worse again. I am ?julte content to have you as a friend, hut you d disgrace me as a servant." i* Cheerfulness a Factor in Symphony of Life Cheerfulness Is more precious than great riches. If I were founding a new religion Its first commandment should lie: "Thou shnlt he cheerful." If I were Instituting a new schfl of medicine Its fundamental principle would he: "Cheerfulness on the part of the doctor, and for the patient good cheer." For In the symphony of life much gold without cheerfulness Is as sounding brass and tinkling cymbal. llellgiou without cheerfulness Is a fnoclcery. Success In the cure of most maladies depends upon faith and hope and cheerfulness. The optimist Is cheerfulness personified; the pessimist u walking grouch. The cheerful optimist makes the progress of humanity; the growling pessimist would turn hack the wheel of time, Ahus with pessimism! Let cheerfulness reign supreme.? Exchange. Early Explorer Honored Capt. John W. Gunnison paid with his life his search for u feasible route for a transcontinental railroad. Gunnison was chief of a corps of topographical engineers of the United States War department in 18.13 seeking a railroad line across the country from the Missouri river to the Pacific coast. He crossed what Is ktiowu today as Uochetopa pass and discovered the river that bears his name today. ' Crossing over Into Utah, he reached the Sevier river, where he was murdered by Indians October 'Jo, 1803. Ounnison'8 name today is borne In Colorado by a river, a national furest, a county and a city as his lusting monuments. Kiss Under indictment While you are e.yptuining lu the chaperon e that the kiss is tin excrescence of civ iliy.uthui, add that the Greeks who built the Parthenon and burnt the topless towers of Ilium have ulso (lie oldest records of nuy kisses on the Kuiopeun continent All the evidence >es- tti * iow thai when Paris wooed Helen lie colfldli't have learned a thing trom uiiv ot us. An ancient in.am script quote* Socrates as warning one f his nrxelples: "If you kissed u pretty face, would you not 11 that very instant lose your ;re?'doiu did hecome a slave'/ Would you not have to spend much money on umu-cmerits? Hercules ibdi-ml us from (lie dri-iidful ellecls u poor kiss can have 1" The Exposure He had poured forth pussiotuite declarations of i,i\4. to the pretly girl at ids side lie did not think he was apable of ,-uch ebajnelice. Ycl In 'he midst of his loving words the girl vawiicd. r.vcn though she raised her hand to corneal It. It did not escape bis eager eye His torrent of burning vord* ceased The light of hope died n Ills eyetir "Why Speak to you of love?" be lied. hoarsely. "You are utterly icartless: Your yawn showed it:" "<di, Clarence." she whispoieil. hor"r-strlckoii. did I open uiy inotitlj us w * tie as that?" - - Mother To'.d Hcpey age st\. asked la- mother ' v '--"I bad a party the previous n'^ld and his mother replied; ..uiit Ito-a ami I m-le Carl were mar'cd y c-tcrday and we had ? party last 'Uol on that Mi? oiniT " T'? this lie replied * "Aim: hosji Is o good to got mart ?-.| " I don t i'iider?'s11iiI w 11?iI v "ii m<-a ti ?y that, his motbor | "Well, when people gi i nail ril-d they nave to get a dlvono Ae you db}, .nd I think Aunt I;..- . ?,?) I'm-e arl are too good to h.ive a divorce,*' e leptied I __ if Match This C.te j ; The Mg car was stall.-.i it the bof. >m of a Steep hill A pa? n- tllv ?ei\ -eelng the predicament the driver waa n. offered to tow him up !.?. |,||| TW Irlver of the tvlg car smlleil . omh-Mec>?<| ugly. MR he h greed The thv ver puUml lie big fellow op As ther palled ?h# top. th? owner of the hirger \f blcU waked, "What Is all rha: smok* ondng from the hack of y..ur)cvTY~ "Ju?t Imag er." came ?? ,. ?n n *-r, T*t had my h??kc* on ill ,|,? t Missionary Union Largely Attended The fifteenth annual meeting of the Baptist Woman's Missionary Union of Kershaw Association was ' held at Hermitage church near Cam4er}f March 8th. The attendance was very large, eleven churches being represented. The meeting was opened at 11 o'clock in the morning wit^ Superintendent presiding. After singing a hymn, greetings and a cordial welcome was extended the members by Hermitage. The response was made by Mrs. May White, from Pisgah. The devotional was led by Mrs. P. E. Blackmon, followed with prayer by Mrs. Vonnie I>ance. Guests of honor were presented to the union in the following order: Mrs. J. D. Chapman, of Anderson, state president; Miss Vonnie Lance, state corresponding secretary; Miss Cornelia Bowers, returned missionary from Chile, who teaches in a girls school at Temieo. She was appointed in 1921 and is the only missionary wo have from South Carolina in Chile. Mrs. J. D. Chapman and Miss Cornelia Bowers each delivered inspiring addresses during the morning session. A message in song was brought by Miss Kenny accompanied by Mrsv Kate Watts. A wonderful spirit of enthusiasm was noticeable during the entire session. Several committees were appointed and some short talks were made. Various officials discussed briefly the work of | their respective departments. J**16 morning session adjourned shortly after 1 o'clock with prayer by Rev. C. L. Norman. All present including visitors as well as delegates were extended a cordial invitation to partake of the bounteous picnic luncheon spread on the church grounds. The afternoon 'devotional was led by Migs Swanny Kenny, after which time was given to the corresponding secretary for her address on the Ruby anniversary. She gave valuable information concerning this work, it was also instructive and inspiring to listen to the history of past W. M. U. work. The committee on time and place for the next annual meeting reported an invitation from Mt. Pisgah and accepted. Provisional estimates by the eensu^ bureau at Washington give the population of the United States as of July 1, as being 120,013,000, an increase of I 14 per cent over the figures of 1920,! when the population was 105,710,620 1 by actual count. South Carolina's population is estimated at 1,864?000, as compared with 1,683,724 in 1920. ,? ^ o Honor Roll ChaMotte Thompson School Grade 1.?Sec. A.?Frank DuBose. Grade 2.?Anne Clarkson, Albert Irby, Carrie Baker, Mary Moseley, Lila Dixon, Raymond Dennis, Rowena Schiver. Grade 3.?Doris Workman, Shell j West, Lee West, Iva Lou Arrants, i Dorothy Creed. Grade 4.?Patrick Dennis, Thelma Anderson, Lucile Dees. 1 Grade 5.?Thelma Baker, Sam Boykin, Marietta Thompson, Margaret Gaskins. I Grade. 6.?Pollye West. Grade 7.?Howze Evans, Elizabe^B^ Gillis, filary Lindsay Pearce. Grade 8.?Ruth Dixon, Jam^p" Seagle. | j Grade 9.?Elizabeth Workm^B ' Elizabeth Baker, Frances Denifl Blanding Clarkson. Grade 10.?Maureen Sowell, H^B rietta Irby, Swannie Kenney. H<.-j Grade 11.?Eva Irby, Sydney DM; nis. ^VTh Fourteen miners are still miuflj following an explosion and fire Auora silver mine near Tezid^H Mexico on Monday. EXCURSIONS TO ? t > Magnolia Gardens and Middleton Plpce Gardens v' Charleston, South Carolina Friday and Saturday, March 30-31, April 6-7,1928. VIA SOUTHERN RAILWAY SYSTEM % At the following low round trip fares from principal points: Camden $4-00 Columbia $4.00 Winnsboro ... rrm. $5.00 Chester $5.50 < Rock Hill $6.00 Lancaster $5.50 Kershaw $5.00 I Proportionate low round trip fares from all intermediate stations. ' Excursion tickets good going on all regular trains including No. 16 leaving Columbia at 2:20 a. m., April 1 and 9, and good returning to reach original starting point by midnight Wednesday following datfc of sale. Excursion tickets also sold March 23 to April 12 at greatly reduced fares. Call on ticket agents for descriptive literature of these famous Gardens. W E. McGEE T). P. A., R. S BROWN, D. P. A., Columbia, S. C. Augusta, Ga. | . .t ^. 11.. i n * ' H M tinLiiSc Check On This Bank 1 - S " "'77*3 A checking account here will bring you into frequent contact with our officers and employes. This will result in a greater familiarity on J your part with banking customs and often in the profitable U3e of some J of the bank's service. . ^ The First National Bank I , Of Camden, South Carolina |lv. v 1 I ONLY NATIONAL BANK I