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1 9 S*^ Nobody s Business Mtten for THe Chronicle by Geo * McGe?, Copyright, 1927, L L , j a sweetheart once that was I under*heatted that she'd cry every Kurt** be*r<* * b#wball. I t*. guy who stole my jack out Ford car last night (while I j(lj in front of fire hydrant No. 1 fill call at my office he can get ; Bundle or lever for the said Jack Vj will not need it. How to tiwat the Fly , j. Buy you a good 0 cent swatter Sa dime. E Go home where the fly lives that Eds swatting. m. Grasp the swatter in your strong M hand. FV Grit your teeth, cuss a little, L look around. [5. Then shoo the fly off your bald [ 6. Shoo him off again. | 7. Shoo him off twice more, then ^jt on your hut. 8. Follow the suid fly to the dining room. 9. Don't swat while he's sitting on ,ht butter. 10. If he lights in the gravy, spoon lim out. jl. Chase him to the kitchen. 12. As he tffchts on your wife's neck, swat. ~ 13. As she hits you with a rolling pin, move swatter to left hand. 14. Follow him back through the hall into your bed room. 15. When he lights on the tanglefoot. i'5. Raise swatter quickly over left jlder. 7. Strike hurriedly at the fly's tomy. 8. Then he's your fly.? (The end.) \ dropped my dollar' Ingersoll ntdt the other day and broke a spring somewhere in its innards, tok it to a watch fixer and he got her to running again for l dollar and -70 cents. The next time he work* for me I in going to a*k hint beforehand if he thing* I'm a fool or millionaire J or both. He's atiil got the watch, and I owe him 75 cent#. This country has gone plumb crazy over good road#, golf, school*, short dresses and swimming holes. The Georgia peach crop was totally destroyed by Jack hroM about three months ago, and now the railroads say that they will haul just a few cars moiu than they hauled during last year's bumper production. Card I'arty Conversation Yes, as 1 was going oil to say? who pluyed them trumps? Mr. Brown tried his best to get John? who's deal??to lei him have five thousand dollars-?that's your trick? but John said, no, I have the money, but I do not like your proposition? don't look at my hand?and of course we knew right then that somebody was fixing to get stuck?my Lord, J swallowed my chewing gum." "No, it's your deal, shuffle 'em? and Mr. Brown can always be picked put to act a fool at the wrong time? tny! how ugly Mrs. Jones looks today in thai bright thing shes got on?no, I have seven cards?and Mrs. Brown has never been one bit of help to him ?sure, I played that duce?and if they all ain't in the poor house by Christmas I don't know my onions? pick up that card?no, you play first, then me?but that's their business." "My deal?and John says?"Looks < like the car you have will do"?and ' ?er, er?sure that's my trick?but I he insisted that his wife had to live up to her raising?what's trumps?? < and if she was raised on anything be- i sides cornbread and collards I never i heard of it?pick your lead quick? but if they ain't got no more sense than to rdo that?why, let 'em go to i it?did not follow suit??however, all 1 the fools ain't dead yet, and some of i the crazy folks is still running stores." "Janes, your cards?but speaking < of frights, who is that woman with < Mrs. Green??and wonder what she'3 J doing at this party?play?oh, I see? 1 and if I had known such trash a? that i would of been here I might of stayed at home?no, you deal?let Sue cut < 'em?but a body can't tell what's go- <i ing to happen these days?lend mo your lip stick Sallie?yes, it's diamonds?I guess its diamonds?from .the way my hand looks?I ain't got a one?and I wish you'd look at that Smith girl's legs?they look like hoe handles?and her dress above her knees?no, that's y'cur trick?playMinnie." "Oh, well?let her say what she pleases about me?she don't know anybody in this town except the installment store clerks and the ice man ?yes, I played that jack?are you a sleep??I never gel up till 8 or 9, and Bill is never home for lunch?yes, hearts lead?and talking about tattlers?do any of you know that new woman that moved in next to the White's last week? Well, they saythat her tongue is so long it got tangled up in the sewing machine the other day, and I'D stitches were taken in it before she could withdraw it? yes, it's your lead,- Well, I'm glad this tiresome game is over. Good-bye Mrs. Gray. We had such a grahd tim?,*and the refreshments were aim- 1 I>ly gorgeous. I'm' so-glad I came. (Curtain). July The fourth V July the Fourth wus discovered by Ihonias Jefferson and made woi^ft of celebration by George Washington. t ihis day usually comes between July ., the Third and July the Fifth. All t. banks and cotton exchanges close on .i this eventful day, and the idea of making money is the bunk?until it's over. Cornwall* ad^d a great deal to y the greatness of July the Fourth by D surrendering at Yorktown, but had he [ not capitulated, we would, no doubt, be celebrating son^e other nearby day ^ just as we are the Fourth. July the Fourth is not the anni- # versary of the battle of Hull Run as u some school teachers think, but it is j the duy when the United States noti- ^ fied Great Hritain that she could and s would get along in the future without her help and tea. Now, as little as you think about t. it, when Greet Britain owned us she c had a good thing, but she didn't know it, so she began to put on all kinds ^ of tuxes, just like our legislatures are doing today, except, of course, there s was no tux on gasoline or silk petticoats, and we wouldn't stand for it, j( that is?all them taxes. So George Wushington and several f other men got out their old muskets, ^ and started a war, and it ended up (J on July the Fourth. Valley Forge a was one of the hardest battles ever ^ fought, yet not a. gun was fired. Gen. R Freeze opposed Washington's army <j on all fronts, backs, sides, and beneath, but our men came out victor- s ious, but with frost-bitten feet. c One night Washington crossed the Delaware in some boats and on a few , cakes of ice, and surprised ten t thousand Hessians that Germany had j sent over to help Great Britain out t with (at about 2 dollars per head per month), but when the Father of our c Country got through with that bunch of Bolsheviks, they weren't fit for \ anything except undertaking estab- \ lishments and hospitals and cemeter- t ies. c Hurrah for the Fourth of July! It ^ comes only once a year, but we can't } help that, and as it means so much t to us, we should all celebrate, however?don't use any wood alcohol if . you can get a good patent medicine , that contains mostly booze. Also be , careful to light your fire-crackers at only one end at a time, After you ' sober up on the Sixth, it will be all right with me for you to go on back to work. The biggest farmer in the south today is Mr. Fed. Land bank. A college is a place where just a heap of boys and girls go and learn how to live without work. 1 he average politician is a cross between a liar and a loafer. Golf is a rich man's game, but their ain't no law against poor men playing it so's they can feel rich now and then. The only reason dresses are not shorter by two inches than they are at present is?nobody is willing to risk it first. . I The way to avoid static on your radio is turn it off and go to bed. An exchange says that Miss Sallie Blumm is the fastest stenographer in this country. I don't know about that. I saw Mr. Smith's sitting in his lap in a Ford the other day. It is not stylish any more to kill your husband. Get somdbody else to do it for you, and if he ain't caught up with?then you can ntarry him. You don't usually find food fsr thought in a restaurant, but that little piece of steak I paid a dollar for yesterday .made me think of going into the beef or restaurant business one, or mftybe both. I envy every wooden leg uian I see ?'cause he can't have rheumatism in his legs, and I can, and do. The reason society folks don't eftjoy life. is becahse they are interested -in card parties and miles to the gallon more than they are in raising ; childrer^ When you see a man that is a fool about d&gs jlou can just put it down that he loves his wife if she will feed , them. . ' * Indian Ferryman Dies I John Brown, 50, Catawba Indian, who lived at the Catawba Reservation, died Monday night about midnight at his home after an illnfesa of more than fifteen months, his condition becoming critical more than three weeks ago. He was known in Lancaster county, where he operated the ferry near Catawba Junction. Surviving are his widow and six children, three sons and three daughters. Funeral services were held Tueaday afternoon at the Morman church at the reservation, conducted by Morman elders from Gaffney. Interment Was at the raserva* tiol.?Lancaster News. --ci | ' \ i , 11 ^... SHOOTS YOUTH ON TRIAL 'jirmer Ki*rt? in Court Room and Calmly hills Young Man I'uncan, Okla., Jupe 23.?Surround(I by numerous gift* from friends, iryh Gilbreuth, 42-year-old farmer, fXs held without charge today niter e ?hot und killed B. F. Cox in diaript court here yesterday when the outh went on trial 1 or an alleged rlininal assault on the farmer's aughter. W ith upwards of 60 spectators in he room, the court had just completed the preliminary legal procedre und started questioning of prospective jurors when Gilbreuth rose nd fired three times at Cox. Cox, whose defense was to have een insanity and who had been (tumbling incoherently ut the counel table, slid from his chair. He fell inder the counsel table where he ied. All three bullets took effect in lis back. He apparently died intantly. A juiler seized Gilbreath's wrist nd he dropped the pistol. The furmr was rushed from the room to a ell. "You might have killed a dozen eople here," the jailer admonished. "1 didn't intend to do it," Gilbreuth aid us he was led away. Meanwhile, Judge K. L. Richardson eft tne bench to join deputy sheriffs o an effort to restore order. As the armor loft the judge returned to the iench. The room soon beeume us uiot as it hud been a few moments fter the court announced some of he evidence probably would prove hocking to many and asked any who lesired to leave. Gilbreath regained his composure omewhat after he had dined in his ell. "1 hadn't slept any or been able to est to amount to anything for two ?r three weeks, just thinking of it," ip said. "Now I've got it off my uind and my pain is eased. "I didn't get him sooner, because I ould not get at him." The farmer scarcely . had been oeked up when numerous offers of >ond was made by residents of Lawoii and Shawnee, Okla., where offi:ers said charges of criminal assault vere pending against Cox. Friends ilso brought cigars, fruit and flowers o his cell. Police records show that Cox was lrrestcd two years ago at VVuurika, 3kla., on a Mann act charge. lie was given a hearing before a sanity commission and committed to the State hospital at Norman, Okla., from which he escaped April 10. Cox was arrested the day following an attack on Gilbreath's daughter and two girl companions near here. Jewelry belonging to the women was found in his room as well as a cord resembling that with which two of the women were tied to trees. Cox's body was claimed by a brother who operates <f chicken farm near Chico, Texas. J. H. Long, county attorney of this, Stephens, county announced he was prepuring a charge of murder against Gilbreath. He said the charge probably would be filed today. Pursuit Cost Half Million Spokane, Wash., June 215.?It 4;ost almost half a million to bring the three De Autremont 'brothers to justice, Charles Riddiford, United States postoffice inspector who directed the man hunt for four years, estimates. A cyclone recently destroyed tnnialave, a Madagascar port, and it may never be rebuilt, for more than one hundred,cyclones have swept this city during the last century and tidal waves are frequent. ! There ur* wild deer in more than fifty of the aixty-aeven counties of Pennsylvania. university of Sonth Carolina SCHOLARSHIP AND ENTRANCE , EXAMINATION The examination for the award o^ leant scholarships in the University South Carolina and for admission new students will be held at the >unty Court House Friday, July 8th, 27, at o'clock a.m. Applicants ust not be less than 16 years of age. Scholarships are vacant in the folvving 23 Counties: ,Wi. _ t\ AIKEN BAMBERG BEAUFORT BERKELEY CALHOUN CHARLEvSTON COLLETON DILLON EDGEFIELD FAIRFIELD FLORENCE GEORGETOWN GREENWOOD 1 JASPER KERSHAW LANCASTER LEE McOORMICK MARLBORO NEWBERRY PICKENS SIPARTANBURG YORK Applicants for scholarships should .-rite the President for Scholarship pplication blanks. These should be ile<l with the President by July 6th. Scholarships are worth $100 plus free tuition and term fees. The next session will open September 21, 1927. . I For further information write to I PRESIDENT D. M. DOUGLAS 1 University of South Carolina Kumbia South Garolina ^ ^ I *r.Li_! ... o " . I TRY THE COOL PLACES IN THE Southern Appalachian Mountains I V OF WESTERN NORTH CAROLINA, EASTERN , TENNESSEE AND NOftTH GEORGIA 1 "Oty? 2Ianh aftl|V Mg" I v . Jersey Seashore Resorts I I Beaches at Charleston and Savannah 1, Mountain Region of New England Resorts on the Great Lakes Lake Region of Canada 4 Canadian N6rthwest | ! II Pacific Northwest Colorado California Resorts, Etc. REDUCED FARES TO ALL SUMMER I TOURIST RESORTS*^ I/ Tickets on Sale Daily Beginning May 15th Good Until October 31st Write for List of Summer Resort Hbtels and Boarding I I Houses? also Boys' Camps and Girh' Camps II Consult Ticket Agents / Southern Railway System I . B. H. TODD, D.P.A., COLUMBIA I j , ,, . ...I Prepare For Your Future I 1 Y ears. I . j There is no reason, aside from physical 'I i disability, why you cannot acquire at I least enough wealth to make it possible to spend the declining: years of life in I <j comfort and without worry or anxiety concerning the necessities of life. I Loan & Savings Bank I j CAPITAL $100.00(1.00 I j Clemson College I SCHOLARSHIP ANI> ENTRANCE EXAMINATIONS Competitive examinations for the award of vacant scholarships in Clemson College will be held on Friday, July K, 1927, beginning at 0 a.m., | ' by each County Superintendent of . 1 j Education. Theye scholarships will .V|i I be open to young men sixteen years of age or over, who desire to pursue fa I courses in Agriculturo and Textiles. Scholarships are awarded by the State Department of Education on . ||H ! the recommendation of the State I Board of Public Welfare. - "ilS I Persons Interested should write the i Registrar for information and appli- \ ! cation blanks before the time of the j examinations. Successful applicants I must meet fully the requirements for admission. Each scholarship is worth $100.00 'and free tuition, which is $40.00 additional. Membership iu the Reserve Officers Training Corps?R. O. T. C. ?is of. financial assistance. . These examinations may also be used as credit toward admission into I college. , ' ;> I For further information write THE REGISTRAR j Clemson College, South Carolina 9-14-sb ; ---JgB I Accuracy and System / II I THIS BANK DOES NOT TRUST TO MEMORY. II I EVERYTHING IS IN WRITING. IN DOING BUSI- || I NESS WITH US THE FOUNDATION IS HONOR, II I Of Camden, South Carolina ^ j| I ONLY NATIONAL BANK IN KERSHA W COUNTY 11