The Camden chronicle. (Camden, S.C.) 1888-1981, July 01, 1927, Image 3
1 9 S*^
Nobody s Business
Mtten for THe Chronicle by Geo
* McGe?, Copyright, 1927,
L L , j
a sweetheart once that was
I under*heatted that she'd cry every
Kurt** be*r<* * b#wball.
I t*. guy who stole my jack out
Ford car last night (while
I j(lj in front of fire hydrant No.
1 fill call at my office he can get
; Bundle or lever for the said Jack
Vj will not need it.
How to tiwat the Fly ,
j. Buy you a good 0 cent swatter
Sa dime.
E Go home where the fly lives that
Eds swatting.
m. Grasp the swatter in your strong
M hand.
FV Grit your teeth, cuss a little,
L look around.
[5. Then shoo the fly off your bald
[ 6. Shoo him off again.
| 7. Shoo him off twice more, then
^jt on your hut.
8. Follow the suid fly to the dining
room.
9. Don't swat while he's sitting on
,ht butter.
10. If he lights in the gravy, spoon
lim out.
jl. Chase him to the kitchen.
12. As he tffchts on your wife's
neck, swat.
~ 13. As she hits you with a rolling
pin, move swatter to left hand.
14. Follow him back through the
hall into your bed room.
15. When he lights on the tanglefoot.
i'5. Raise swatter quickly over left
jlder.
7. Strike hurriedly at the fly's
tomy.
8. Then he's your fly.? (The end.)
\ dropped my dollar' Ingersoll
ntdt the other day and broke a
spring somewhere in its innards,
tok it to a watch fixer and he got
her to running again for l dollar and
-70 cents. The next time he work* for
me I in going to a*k hint beforehand
if he thing* I'm a fool or millionaire
J or both. He's atiil got the watch, and
I owe him 75 cent#.
This country has gone plumb crazy
over good road#, golf, school*, short
dresses and swimming holes.
The Georgia peach crop was totally
destroyed by Jack hroM about three
months ago, and now the railroads
say that they will haul just a few
cars moiu than they hauled during
last year's bumper production.
Card I'arty Conversation
Yes, as 1 was going oil to say?
who pluyed them trumps? Mr.
Brown tried his best to get John?
who's deal??to lei him have five
thousand dollars-?that's your trick?
but John said, no, I have the money,
but I do not like your proposition?
don't look at my hand?and of course
we knew right then that somebody
was fixing to get stuck?my Lord, J
swallowed my chewing gum."
"No, it's your deal, shuffle 'em?
and Mr. Brown can always be picked
put to act a fool at the wrong time?
tny! how ugly Mrs. Jones looks today
in thai bright thing shes got on?no,
I have seven cards?and Mrs. Brown
has never been one bit of help to him
?sure, I played that duce?and if
they all ain't in the poor house by
Christmas I don't know my onions?
pick up that card?no, you play first,
then me?but that's their business."
"My deal?and John says?"Looks <
like the car you have will do"?and '
?er, er?sure that's my trick?but I
he insisted that his wife had to live
up to her raising?what's trumps?? <
and if she was raised on anything be- i
sides cornbread and collards I never i
heard of it?pick your lead quick?
but if they ain't got no more sense
than to rdo that?why, let 'em go to i
it?did not follow suit??however, all 1
the fools ain't dead yet, and some of i
the crazy folks is still running
stores."
"Janes, your cards?but speaking <
of frights, who is that woman with <
Mrs. Green??and wonder what she'3 J
doing at this party?play?oh, I see? 1
and if I had known such trash a? that i
would of been here I might of stayed
at home?no, you deal?let Sue cut <
'em?but a body can't tell what's go- <i
ing to happen these days?lend mo
your lip stick Sallie?yes, it's diamonds?I
guess its diamonds?from
.the way my hand looks?I ain't got
a one?and I wish you'd look at that
Smith girl's legs?they look like hoe
handles?and her dress above her
knees?no, that's y'cur trick?playMinnie."
"Oh, well?let her say what she
pleases about me?she don't know
anybody in this town except the installment
store clerks and the ice man
?yes, I played that jack?are you a
sleep??I never gel up till 8 or 9, and
Bill is never home for lunch?yes,
hearts lead?and talking about tattlers?do
any of you know that new
woman that moved in next to the
White's last week? Well, they saythat
her tongue is so long it got
tangled up in the sewing machine the
other day, and I'D stitches were taken
in it before she could withdraw it?
yes, it's your lead,- Well, I'm glad
this tiresome game is over. Good-bye
Mrs. Gray. We had such a grahd
tim?,*and the refreshments were aim- 1
I>ly gorgeous. I'm' so-glad I came.
(Curtain).
July The fourth V
July the Fourth wus discovered by
Ihonias Jefferson and made woi^ft
of celebration by George Washington. t
ihis day usually comes between July .,
the Third and July the Fifth. All t.
banks and cotton exchanges close on .i
this eventful day, and the idea of
making money is the bunk?until it's
over.
Cornwall* ad^d a great deal to y
the greatness of July the Fourth by D
surrendering at Yorktown, but had he [
not capitulated, we would, no doubt,
be celebrating son^e other nearby day ^
just as we are the Fourth.
July the Fourth is not the anni- #
versary of the battle of Hull Run as u
some school teachers think, but it is j
the duy when the United States noti- ^
fied Great Hritain that she could and s
would get along in the future without
her help and tea.
Now, as little as you think about t.
it, when Greet Britain owned us she c
had a good thing, but she didn't know
it, so she began to put on all kinds ^
of tuxes, just like our legislatures are
doing today, except, of course, there s
was no tux on gasoline or silk petticoats,
and we wouldn't stand for it, j(
that is?all them taxes.
So George Wushington and several f
other men got out their old muskets, ^
and started a war, and it ended up (J
on July the Fourth. Valley Forge a
was one of the hardest battles ever ^
fought, yet not a. gun was fired. Gen. R
Freeze opposed Washington's army <j
on all fronts, backs, sides, and beneath,
but our men came out victor- s
ious, but with frost-bitten feet. c
One night Washington crossed the
Delaware in some boats and on a few ,
cakes of ice, and surprised ten t
thousand Hessians that Germany had j
sent over to help Great Britain out t
with (at about 2 dollars per head per
month), but when the Father of our c
Country got through with that bunch
of Bolsheviks, they weren't fit for \
anything except undertaking estab- \
lishments and hospitals and cemeter- t
ies.
c
Hurrah for the Fourth of July! It ^
comes only once a year, but we can't }
help that, and as it means so much t
to us, we should all celebrate, however?don't
use any wood alcohol if .
you can get a good patent medicine ,
that contains mostly booze. Also be ,
careful to light your fire-crackers at
only one end at a time, After you '
sober up on the Sixth, it will be all
right with me for you to go on back
to work.
The biggest farmer in the south
today is Mr. Fed. Land bank.
A college is a place where just a
heap of boys and girls go and learn
how to live without work.
1 he average politician is a cross
between a liar and a loafer.
Golf is a rich man's game, but
their ain't no law against poor men
playing it so's they can feel rich now
and then.
The only reason dresses are not
shorter by two inches than they are
at present is?nobody is willing to
risk it first. . I
The way to avoid static on your
radio is turn it off and go to bed.
An exchange says that Miss Sallie
Blumm is the fastest stenographer
in this country. I don't know about
that. I saw Mr. Smith's sitting in
his lap in a Ford the other day.
It is not stylish any more to kill
your husband. Get somdbody else to
do it for you, and if he ain't caught
up with?then you can ntarry him.
You don't usually find food fsr
thought in a restaurant, but that little
piece of steak I paid a dollar for
yesterday .made me think of going into
the beef or restaurant business
one, or mftybe both.
I envy every wooden leg uian I see
?'cause he can't have rheumatism in
his legs, and I can, and do.
The reason society folks don't eftjoy
life. is becahse they are interested
-in card parties and miles to the
gallon more than they are in raising
; childrer^
When you see a man that is a fool
about d&gs jlou can just put it down
that he loves his wife if she will feed
, them. . ' *
Indian Ferryman Dies
I John Brown, 50, Catawba Indian,
who lived at the Catawba Reservation,
died Monday night about midnight
at his home after an illnfesa of
more than fifteen months, his condition
becoming critical more than
three weeks ago. He was known in
Lancaster county, where he operated
the ferry near Catawba Junction.
Surviving are his widow and six
children, three sons and three
daughters. Funeral services were
held Tueaday afternoon at the Morman
church at the reservation, conducted
by Morman elders from Gaffney.
Interment Was at the raserva*
tiol.?Lancaster News.
--ci | '
\ i , 11 ^...
SHOOTS YOUTH ON TRIAL
'jirmer Ki*rt? in Court Room and
Calmly hills Young Man
I'uncan, Okla., Jupe 23.?Surround(I
by numerous gift* from friends,
iryh Gilbreuth, 42-year-old farmer,
fXs held without charge today niter
e ?hot und killed B. F. Cox in diaript
court here yesterday when the
outh went on trial 1 or an alleged
rlininal assault on the farmer's
aughter.
W ith upwards of 60 spectators in
he room, the court had just completed
the preliminary legal procedre
und started questioning of prospective
jurors when Gilbreuth rose
nd fired three times at Cox.
Cox, whose defense was to have
een insanity and who had been
(tumbling incoherently ut the counel
table, slid from his chair. He fell
inder the counsel table where he
ied. All three bullets took effect in
lis back. He apparently died intantly.
A juiler seized Gilbreath's wrist
nd he dropped the pistol. The furmr
was rushed from the room to a
ell.
"You might have killed a dozen
eople here," the jailer admonished.
"1 didn't intend to do it," Gilbreuth
aid us he was led away.
Meanwhile, Judge K. L. Richardson
eft tne bench to join deputy sheriffs
o an effort to restore order. As the
armor loft the judge returned to the
iench. The room soon beeume us
uiot as it hud been a few moments
fter the court announced some of
he evidence probably would prove
hocking to many and asked any who
lesired to leave.
Gilbreath regained his composure
omewhat after he had dined in his
ell.
"1 hadn't slept any or been able to
est to amount to anything for two
?r three weeks, just thinking of it,"
ip said. "Now I've got it off my
uind and my pain is eased.
"I didn't get him sooner, because I
ould not get at him."
The farmer scarcely . had been
oeked up when numerous offers of
>ond was made by residents of Lawoii
and Shawnee, Okla., where offi:ers
said charges of criminal assault
vere pending against Cox. Friends
ilso brought cigars, fruit and flowers
o his cell.
Police records show that Cox was
lrrestcd two years ago at VVuurika,
3kla., on a Mann act charge. lie
was given a hearing before a sanity
commission and committed to the
State hospital at Norman, Okla., from
which he escaped April 10.
Cox was arrested the day following
an attack on Gilbreath's daughter
and two girl companions near
here. Jewelry belonging to the women
was found in his room as well as a
cord resembling that with which two
of the women were tied to trees.
Cox's body was claimed by a brother
who operates <f chicken farm near
Chico, Texas.
J. H. Long, county attorney of this,
Stephens, county announced he was
prepuring a charge of murder against
Gilbreath. He said the charge probably
would be filed today.
Pursuit Cost Half Million
Spokane, Wash., June 215.?It 4;ost
almost half a million to bring the
three De Autremont 'brothers to
justice, Charles Riddiford, United
States postoffice inspector who directed
the man hunt for four years,
estimates.
A cyclone recently destroyed tnnialave,
a Madagascar port, and it may
never be rebuilt, for more than one
hundred,cyclones have swept this city
during the last century and tidal
waves are frequent.
! There ur* wild deer in more than
fifty of the aixty-aeven counties of
Pennsylvania.
university of Sonth Carolina
SCHOLARSHIP AND ENTRANCE
, EXAMINATION
The examination for the award o^
leant scholarships in the University
South Carolina and for admission
new students will be held at the
>unty Court House Friday, July 8th,
27, at o'clock a.m. Applicants
ust not be less than 16 years of age.
Scholarships are vacant in the folvving
23 Counties: ,Wi. _ t\
AIKEN
BAMBERG
BEAUFORT
BERKELEY
CALHOUN
CHARLEvSTON
COLLETON
DILLON
EDGEFIELD
FAIRFIELD
FLORENCE
GEORGETOWN
GREENWOOD 1
JASPER
KERSHAW
LANCASTER
LEE
McOORMICK
MARLBORO
NEWBERRY
PICKENS
SIPARTANBURG
YORK
Applicants for scholarships should
.-rite the President for Scholarship
pplication blanks. These should be
ile<l with the President by July 6th.
Scholarships are worth $100 plus free
tuition and term fees. The next session
will open September 21, 1927. .
I For further information write to
I PRESIDENT D. M. DOUGLAS
1 University of South Carolina
Kumbia South Garolina
^ ^ I
*r.Li_! ... o " . I
TRY THE COOL PLACES IN THE
Southern Appalachian Mountains I
V OF WESTERN NORTH CAROLINA, EASTERN ,
TENNESSEE AND NOftTH GEORGIA 1
"Oty? 2Ianh aftl|V Mg" I
v . Jersey Seashore Resorts I
I Beaches at Charleston and Savannah
1, Mountain Region of New England
Resorts on the Great Lakes
Lake Region of Canada 4
Canadian N6rthwest | !
II Pacific Northwest
Colorado
California Resorts, Etc.
REDUCED FARES TO ALL SUMMER I
TOURIST RESORTS*^
I/ Tickets on Sale Daily Beginning May 15th
Good Until October 31st
Write for List of Summer Resort Hbtels and Boarding I
I Houses? also Boys' Camps and Girh' Camps
II Consult Ticket Agents /
Southern Railway System
I . B. H. TODD, D.P.A., COLUMBIA I
j , ,, . ...I
Prepare For Your Future I 1
Y ears. I
.
j
There is no reason, aside from physical 'I i
disability, why you cannot acquire at I
least enough wealth to make it possible
to spend the declining: years of life in I <j
comfort and without worry or anxiety
concerning the necessities of life. I Loan
& Savings Bank I j
CAPITAL $100.00(1.00 I j
Clemson College
I SCHOLARSHIP ANI> ENTRANCE
EXAMINATIONS
Competitive examinations for the
award of vacant scholarships in
Clemson College will be held on Friday,
July K, 1927, beginning at 0 a.m., |
' by each County Superintendent of . 1
j Education. Theye scholarships will .V|i
I be open to young men sixteen years
of age or over, who desire to pursue fa
I courses in Agriculturo and Textiles.
Scholarships are awarded by the
State Department of Education on . ||H
! the recommendation of the State
I Board of Public Welfare. - "ilS
I Persons Interested should write the
i Registrar for information and appli- \
! cation blanks before the time of the
j examinations. Successful applicants
I must meet fully the requirements for
admission.
Each scholarship is worth $100.00
'and free tuition, which is $40.00 additional.
Membership iu the Reserve
Officers Training Corps?R. O. T. C.
?is of. financial assistance. .
These examinations may also be
used as credit toward admission into
I college. , ' ;>
I For further information write
THE REGISTRAR
j Clemson College, South Carolina
9-14-sb ; ---JgB
I Accuracy and System / II
I THIS BANK DOES NOT TRUST TO MEMORY. II
I EVERYTHING IS IN WRITING. IN DOING BUSI- ||
I NESS WITH US THE FOUNDATION IS HONOR, II
I Of Camden, South Carolina ^ j|
I ONLY NATIONAL BANK IN KERSHA W COUNTY 11