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Delicious Humor of Ny Engliih WW-' ;f~ ?to the ??*enty-fmh anniversary of 801 Nye's birth, tablet, a memorial window and a granite monument were If - unveiled at Ifletcher, near A?h*vllle, howIiig his quaint burner and lovable personality have not been forgotten. At one time he served a* postmueter at Laramie, Wyo., an appointment which Incidentally brought forth hla famous letter addresM'd to President Arthur and containing bis resignation In the letter he directed the Pre*!, dent where to find everything, explain to# that the postal rarda lie had read were carefully pigeonholed apart from the unreaxj-ones. He continued: "If Deacon I lay ford does not pay up hla box rent you might aa well put hla let* tere In the general delivery, and when Bob Head gets drunk and insists on a letter from one of hla wives every day In the week, you can salute him f through the bex delivery window with an old Queen Anne tomahawk that yon will find near the Etruscan water pail/* j So tickled were the offldala at Washington with this letter that they , published It far and wide, To Nye's bnge delight an English paper editorially commented In shocked amassment on the ways of American pontmasters. Matter of Number a Didn't Daunt "Uncle?* In a certain New England town there lived an eccentric Individual whom everyone called "Uncle Llge." In bis etd age .Uncle Life "experienced religion," and ona night be Was asked to feiud-tbe prayer meeting. ~ As he could neither read nor write* the request might easily have daunted him had he been a leaa courageous man. But Uncle Llge was not one to be daunted. Very solemnly he rose, and drawing his unusually tall form to Its greatest height, he skid: "Brethren, sing the one thousandth realm." After a sUence, broken only by an occasional Utter, someone said, "There aren't as many aa that." "Sing as many as there be, thenl" thundered Uncle Llge. Wanted lidormaiion - -A lecture was being delivered In a village hall. The folly of every form of gambling was to be exposed once and forever I ^ The chief speaker, stamping up and down the platrorpi, specially erected 'ii for the occasion, launched forth into the very heights of rhetoric. **Bebold~ the serpent of gambling 1" he shouted. "See his hungry fangs, ready to strike 1 But 1 will crush him I" i Down came his heel upon the Imaginary viper. There was a rending of timbers and the speaker disappeared. It was a select audience, however, and not a titter was heard as he scrambled Into view. But the voice of a mall boy broke the awful silence. "Please, mister," he asked, meekly, "h*ve you killed the serpent?" .1 "7 Plants introduced Here Explorations in southern China, ? Burma and Slanr,resulted In the collection of trees ttom which chaulmoogm oil, a successful specific for leprosy, Is obtained, and the establlsh lag of those trees In the American tropics. Numerous varieties of Chinese chestnuts have been Imported for ' vesting for blight resistance In the hope that they will repluce the rapidly disappearing American species. Many native Chinese apples, pears^ cherries, plnros and roses were alao obtained, which, because of their vigor and hardiness, will be of special Interest to plant breeders. Varieties of barley and wheat likely to . prove of value at high altitudes or for growing nnder dry-farming conditions In the i western states have also been Introduced. Heard Truth for Once I saw a mighty queer fight In town this afternoon," related Farmer Furrablegate, upon his return from the county seat- 5 "A .fat young feller and '.... a thin old one ? mighty neae attaround the public square tumbling down, roiling around getting up and. whacking away at eadb other some , more, and so on." "Mercy aakes 1" ejaculated his wife, "What was the ' fight aboutT "That was the funny part. Both said they weren't fighting far the prlnHple of the thing, but b'cus one had cheated the other out of $2." ?Kansas City Star. **Barebones" a Nickname ?- A so-called parliament of England was summoned by Oliver Cromwell aft er he had made himself supreme In the three kingdoms of England, Scotland and Ireland. Cromwell Summoned 122 - persons whom he thought he could manage. One member was a Puritan nafood Barbon, and this name, extended Into barebone, was applied In ridicule to the assembly which became known as "Barebone's parliament" K was suddenly dissolved on Decem: ; J l Mr 1663. -': First Comic Papers The first comic journal was the Merrle Mercuric, which was established in !?oadon 226 yearn ago. its existence we very brief. During the following 150 rears a number of humorous weeklies were - - -etarted to England, and the Scemrge. founded to i8ii. enjoyed a brief pop* riterUy, bQt It wan not until 18U toes Punch waa bom v>: vHHtfv' " ! ' ? Hj-z-?' .. - , i By MCK WOODFORD . .'J' . ' ' 1 nTT" j <??. Itfl, W??Uro N#w?p?t*r bitten.) a axoLD- weight poked at m? uuppsr lung Hfter bis wife and five-year-old buy had finished ttielrt?. Opposite htm, at the table, tin- little boy whs playing with the works out of un old alarm clock/ Snatching away Ilia Hock, lio sold, crossly: MI)a yuii wanl to cut your Angers off?" "Dear," Inserted his, wife, mildly, "something's troubling you tonight; don't lose putlence with the baby, Just because y/u're put out about something." "Don't you understand," said the man Irritably, "that there js tunnense power exerted upon dome of those cogwheels; don't you know that If property geared up, the werks out of an old alarui clock would lift a piano? It'i all a matter of glaring und leverage. Suddenly the mun stopped speaking and banged his flat upon the table so that every dish uppo it Jumped , ad Inch. Grabbing his hat he hurried out. Not until morning did he return. "Morning, Honey," he sang out cheerily as he entered the dining room, and then added*: "I was grouchy last ntght, Honey, because old Milton and your father were ragging me again. Your old man said when w% got married?that I'd never get any more accommodation at his bank as long as I was hi business here and?" "Yes, Just because he wanted me to marry that fifty-year-old Milton ; why I wouldn't?" ? ? "Yes, yes, but don't worry, dear, I think I've got them both, going now, though, Just you wait. You see, yesterday afternoon I was walking along Main Ktreet, on the way to the shop, when I passed Milton's show rooms, apd what do you think he has up. there In his window?" ' "Another price cut on his cars?" "No, the price of them 1s boosted. He's got up a sign over one of the Packway engines exposed to view right close to tile window, It reads: '"Here Is the Packway engine; the Packway does not run on Us reputation/-? ??- 4+rr-? ~ "Of course, I being the only other automobile-dealer In town, natorallyr . . And L noticed people laugliIng at me all day; you know there's an old one about the Lord 'running on Ita reputation.' Naturally everyone takes it for a Joke on me. What with your father refusing to give me any credit at the bank to keep a stock of cars on hand, and Milton poking fun at the Lord ertr from" morning till bight. Lwas pretty Mue Inst night, especially as orders aren't coining In as they should." .... . ~"It's a trick of father's and Mr. Milton's to make things hard for Sis; we'll move to some other town." "WdUl stay right here* and, let's see. whnt was It that wise cracker said In the last booklet from the factory. Oh. yes: 'Early to bed, early to rise: work like h?1 and advertise.' Well, we're going to do? the last mentioned, anyway?I've bought a last year's used Pack Way. to advertise with." "A Packway tovadveri!se with. Why. what?? Arnold grinned. "Never ndnd, you'll see?and I've put new bearings in It; that's what I was working on lHSt night. I've got the bearings fixed up so smooth that you can push It hack and forth on the_ garage froor like a perambulator." "But, dear, why not fix up a Lord car to advertise with; you're selling the Lord, you know, not the Packway." "Yes, I know; but these are days of broad constructions. It's the fashion nowadays not to knock your competitors' car, so J've pUt a nice new set of bearings Jn this Packway and fixed it all up fine?" For several nights Arnold worked late and long at the garage. And just na it looked as though everything were going along fine a letter came from the factory saying that no more oars woul4 h* *ont on consignment unless signed orders could be exhibited for them in advance. It looked like the end of the Lord agency In Delray, but Arnold forced a smile and remembered the last throw-of dice- he had left In the box; tomorrow, he reasoned. _LlLJhave_ plenty of orders. The following day down at the end of Main street ,h little crowd began to form. Far down the street something could be seen moving very slowly. The crowd began to laugh, and then to cheer,-'for, making Its way along on the asphalt pavement. In a leisurely but sure fashion came a brand-new Lord car, and behind It at inched on a tow rope n dilapidated last-year's Packway car. The hood of the L<n*d enr had been rcinovcdrw that all might see that there was no engine Inside, Hnd up above the enr was n large sign bearing the legend. "Here We Go on Our Ilepiitntlon." Even Banker Thomas got the humor of the thing and the factory wired on for details concerning the unique advertising stunt. Orders a plenty found their way Into the Lord agency. "Simplest thing In the world," ex plained Arnold to bis wife that nlgln at the supper table "I Just took out everything but the starter motor and the battery, gave the battery an extra heavy charge, and fitted In a set of traction gears which developed the power from the starter motor to the point where It almost equaled the power of four cytlnders, although, of course, due to *?>e gearing, I could make little or no speed; pulled thai old Packway from one end of Main street to the other, with no-motor ? trader c* Mt* IN running purs* an reputation, plus." South Carolina "yXlitentUry, died at the home of hia sob in Columbia WodBMday evening. He w the father of the lato Dr. L. A. Griffith/former moyor of Columbia, who died on July lHtji, Colonel Griffith wAs a native of Ntmbtrry. A medical treatise 400 years old, found recently in Btrassburg, - Germany, classifies as brain food: fried fowl, fresh poached eggs (not boiled, fried or scrambled), apples, quince, bacelnuts and red wine. " f CANDIDATES SPEAK HERE , ' (Continued from First Page) poll tax on women. Our womeg are home makers and are already burdened by the taxes on fathers, brothers and husbands. The appropriation bill reached ten millions of dollars?rise up as you did behind Tiilman and strike down the money changers, "The tax commission baa more power over South Carolina than the . czar of Russia ever had over bis sub)|Wt?^ It should be stricken down and its duties placed in the comptroller general's office." He then spoke of consolidating various departments so as to reduce running expenses} favored taking the highway commission appointments out of the governor's hands add allowing the peopl^ to elect them. He declared that ona employee of the highway department had confessed to taking $17,000 and was >no,w somewhere in Florida. "If 1 'am elected governor, I will use my efforts to have him brought back and make him break rocks." I C. Blackwood, after speaking in favor of economy "all along the line," the enforcement of law and some form of relief for agriculture, turned to the tax situation and said: uljiequality in taxation and harmony do not dwell in the same house," declaring that inequality in the distribution of the tax burden was at the root of the^nrest. He spoke of securities which are escaping taxation, holding that there should be a constitutional amendment to remedy this situation. "When this actidn is taken, there will be rto need of special taxes. "The gas tax is a fair tax?it is spent on the roads. The more you use the roads, the heater the tax you pay. The income tax, too, ' is all right. ""But we have another species of tax?the luxury tax?the tax on tobacco and the tax on soft, drinks. There are many people who hold that since these things are not necessary we ought to impose a penalty on people for using them and annoy the little store keepers by requiring them to keep an acocunt of these taxes. "There have been those who would have you believe I am endowed with large financial resources?some Indeed, having heard it,-1 suppose, have come to me and asked for work. ; "I had a few pictures of myself taken and they were displayed in public places. Some would make you believed that I received some great sum of money from some great source. Some are using insidious expressions as regard my candidacy. ^ "I have not received one cent, except through borrowing from banks and friends?and the sum I have borrowed is a little spm. T'he only promises I have' made nro the promises you have heard me make here." "There is no serious storm about this soft drink situation," said John T. Duncan when he arose to speak. "If the candidate who has just sat down doesn't have a truck load of soft drinks, on ice, from now on, we won't vote for him." ' ~ y^\ In light bantering, fashion, Mr. Duncan spoke of the "good quantTes" oT the "boys" in the race; "so good! are those qualities that they ought to be left at home. If they were to get the governorship they would'nt know what to do with it." ' >:.y 1 "These boys," Mr. Duncan said, "all talk taxes by orders, bht they are forbidden to mention the power trust. > The speaker, in referring to Mr. ' Richards, another gubernatorial''candidate, said 'he, as a member of the railroad commission, had voted for ft ; 10 cent bus fare, "trying to kill the suburbs of Columbia," and he discussed at some length the traffic situation in Columbia. . * ^ "I offer you a remedy for tfcxes. 1 Nobody wants the tax taken off coca-cola for they know the tax would then be put on them. I suggest a tax on water power." ; v/ -'} E. H. Jackson, after referring to.1 hia familiarity with the operation of the government and his consequent ability to prevent overlapping in various departments, outlined his plan Tor reducing expenses. "I propose to talk to you about the subject uppermost in your minds? the problem of indirect taxes," he n . r . * * . want a tax placed on coca-cola. The question before you Is whether the people of the state shall rule or whrtfc.r U?y .!? I*, by ?t Z ernment ov.r to1!?!! "By iiuidiou* methods the soft drink people attempt to control the ttfr? Tbey **nd out e??'Wen. th?^^J*t'kMn" non,r "Vou farmers know you pay all t?e t?x xpu can and live-- the merchant*' Htocka are taxed -fan,t* and homes arc taxed, We know we have got to keep the school houses open. You can't take off this soft drink tax unle?s you place it bn something else or^ shorten our school terms. ? I propose that all sources of revenue be found and that if it be found possible to remove some taxes, remove, not the tax on soft drinks, but the taxes on farms and homes, so thai they will not be taxed for state purposes. I Will you vqtp for a man whose] picture is on top of coca-cola stands ? ?They have a right to put those pictures there, but will you vote for the man whose likeness appears on those cards ? s j "Jackson will never take the taxi off coca-cola," ?j Mr. Jackson then discussed the tax | commission, and his plan to force it] to publish "abatements" of taxfs and referred briefly to the highway department. George K. Laniy?Georgfc Kershaw Laney, by the way~~appealed to the] audience to "Get in a good humor a^dJ Met George do it.' " After speaking] of his set-vices in the general assembly Mr. Laney discussed briefly the | appropriation bill passed last year] and declared that he stood for ecoft-l omy and was. against a constitutional convention. "We do not need a con-j stitutional convention?we need an] amendment to the constitution," he I said. I ftpOver a million dollars is raised by the soft drink tax?# that tax be removed, it will go on your homes, your] mules, your farms." He declared himself against revaluation, saying I that it would cost the .state some $400,000 to put it into effect. "Real! estate," he said, "is not the place to I go to get more taxes. ' You farmers had better watch out | if you don't, they will run over you | rough shod; The coca-cola organiza- I tion is one of the most dangerous ever | In South Cafolina^rfid it is not back- j ing George Laney for governor, either.' He then spoke of "claSsifi-l cation as the solution of the tax sit-| uation and declared himself in favor] of impartial enforcement of the laws.) After expressing himself as opposed to biennial sessions of the legislature, favoring frequent meetings,] he spoke of the tax on lipsticks, con-j tending that beauty unadorned was | adorned the most and in this coxl-J nection referred to MIce Cold Coca-1 Cola Blackwood." - V Afteyeferring to .the power of the governor as a leader of the people and a former and creator 9f public ] opinion. Mr. MdMahan discussed economy and extravagance, the need of more industries, more wages and j additional production, holding that] these three would settle the tax problem. He was in favor of putting no| tax on what he termed "dead", property?^'put a tax on monopolies, on incomes, oil luxuries," he said. to,"My' friend*> .Chid Coca-Cola Blackwood, seems to think that the right to drink cpca-cola is as great ?3 the right "of free speech, as im- ] portant as the right of trial by jury. There is one issue in this campaign all ethers are second to it. .It is that of self rule, self government or | government by the money: of the coca-cola manufacturers." . H Turqintf aside for a moment from consideration of the soft drink tax, lie discussed the effect of soft drinks on tjie human system, and then he said, "The coca-Cola conspiracy is a conspiracy to control elections in South Carolina. J exhibited a picture which was being distributed from coca-cola wagonNin a town. I fought that picture was from Atlanta, but now I find that Mr. Blackwood is bearing that expense and when fce itl iu ltemized expense account with the comptroller . general, that will show "up on the record. i, J ! PCttpIe of this ***** want the Candlers of Atlanta to have a part m this state's elections, then yop^are not the people I think yoV f^irroll D. Nance, in opening his address, declared that.he was no mudslinger, - that he would not deal in generalities but he would cast "the cards, face up, on the table." Mr Nance gave a brief sketch of his life and his service to the state, I the appropriation bill," he mn\ for it hv n ^ the bill hirean? Ut Wm COm* here and say where he will cut it It inmAtr** Ulk' but htrd d<?. j lS JlT M>p?Pri??ow? for schools ? the fight tol direct taxes on luxuries. I'm tk? that kllitj J, a&g i revaluation bill, which would have put $ tax on property and relieve the cigarette suckers* and dope slingers. jV {'Every penny of soft drink tax goes to the schools. I put the tax on soft drinks so as not to increase the ta* oh farms." ? ~ Holding aloft a pack of cigarettes, Mr. Nance said: "You pay a federal tax of six cents on cigarettes an^ it goes to the Northern soldiers jn the^ shape of pensions. We put a third of that tax on tobacco and it contributes to the support of bur Confederate veterans." I have no apologies to make for it. "If elected governor, I will veto any bill that comes to me that will take off the tax on soft drinks and raise the tax on farms even one quarter of a mill." Mr. Nance spoke of his fight for an investigation of the affairs of the state bank examiner's office and of the death tff1 the bill in the senate after it had passed the houfee. "If elected, I purpose to go after W. W. Bradley and Pope Matthews j and others in the bank situation in' Columbia, and if they are found guilty of law violation, they will serve their time." The last speaker of .the day was " "t; ;^mr-T- I I D. A. G. Ouzty, who referred to Mr. V Nance as the "chief high apostle of high taxes in South Carolina." The' '' appropriation bill, Mr. Ousts contend* ed, carried^ with it its own criticism/ He spoke of his record in the s$ntrte-and~of"hlfl 6ftorfOb~ relfao&tta appropriation bill. ; "I tried to put the ta^dn the millionaire?they wanted jt put on'%ie brow of labor, said ltfftr did jiot pay any tax hardly,. and tfo that's what you got," he declared. ' Mr. Ouzts said he voted against the revaluation bill and made an attack* < on Mr. JacksOn forMjiS apjpoihtments on the free conference committee which considered the appropriation bill.' The banking situation capae in for I some consideration; Mr. Ousts saying 1 fhat the trouble was that the banks in Columbia wanted to Have all the ' monev. -'./v* - - ?. * 4 In,conclusion, ho ;said he believed in economy and made reference to his cotton suit, which he said was grown and manufactured- Hit ,?outh Carolina. Despite the fact'that the spealrifig continued for some three hours, the crowd for the mo*t part remained I until every speaker had made his ad|P%ffr ^ J ? Vacation Time I TRY THE COOL PLACES I In the \ SOUTHERN APPALACHIAN I MOUNTAINS I OF I I ' WESTERN NORTH CAROLINA EASTERN TENNESSEE AND | NORTH GEORGIA V ' "THELAND OF THE SKY" I OR I. . THE POPULAR BEACHES I On the I SOUTH ATLANTIC COAST I REDUCED FARES I ~ TA I IVj.-. . V*,.: v. -3 /.'? .1 SUMMER TOURIST RESORTS i TICKETS ON SALE DAILY, BEGINNING MAY 15th ' GOOD UNTIL OCTOBER 31st I Write for I Summer Vacation Folder I Consult Ticket Agant* I I I SOUTHERN RAILWAY SYSTEM | THBiEn? Saturation Pchmt 3 for HoNesT Value- 1 I Build a product that the world needs, better than the world expects, and 1 mounting sales will answer those ? who are constantly predicting a satDuring the firgt eix^monais^of Oil* 1 This represents a gain of 49J per I cent over the first six months of J925* I and continues Dodge Brothers in 1 the enviable position of THIRD IN I THE INDUSTRY. For the three weeks ending July 1 I 23,862 motor cars and trucks were 1 I * delivered to customers?an increase 1 B ?? af-614-per cent uvei Uie amrpertgr'T j last year, and impressive evidence fl that Dodge Brothers great sales gain I I I I ways command a great and aver I expanding market. I DeLOACHE MOTOR CO. | Camden, S. C. I