The Camden chronicle. (Camden, S.C.) 1888-1981, August 06, 1926, Image 8
Delicious Humor of
Ny Engliih
WW-' ;f~ ?to the ??*enty-fmh anniversary of
801 Nye's birth, tablet, a memorial
window and a granite monument were
If - unveiled at Ifletcher, near A?h*vllle,
howIiig his quaint burner and lovable
personality have not been forgotten.
At one time he served a* postmueter
at Laramie, Wyo., an appointment
which Incidentally brought forth hla
famous letter addresM'd to President
Arthur and containing bis resignation
In the letter he directed the Pre*!,
dent where to find everything, explain
to# that the postal rarda lie had read
were carefully pigeonholed apart from
the unreaxj-ones. He continued: "If
Deacon I lay ford does not pay up hla
box rent you might aa well put hla let*
tere In the general delivery, and when
Bob Head gets drunk and insists on a
letter from one of hla wives every
day In the week, you can salute him
f through the bex delivery window with
an old Queen Anne tomahawk that
yon will find near the Etruscan water
pail/* j
So tickled were the offldala at
Washington with this letter that they
, published It far and wide, To Nye's
bnge delight an English paper editorially
commented In shocked amassment
on the ways of American pontmasters.
Matter of Number a
Didn't Daunt "Uncle?*
In a certain New England town there
lived an eccentric Individual whom
everyone called "Uncle Llge." In bis
etd age .Uncle Life "experienced religion,"
and ona night be Was asked to
feiud-tbe prayer meeting. ~
As he could neither read nor write*
the request might easily have daunted
him had he been a leaa courageous
man. But Uncle Llge was not one to
be daunted.
Very solemnly he rose, and drawing
his unusually tall form to Its greatest
height, he skid:
"Brethren, sing the one thousandth
realm."
After a sUence, broken only by an
occasional Utter, someone said, "There
aren't as many aa that."
"Sing as many as there be, thenl"
thundered Uncle Llge.
Wanted lidormaiion - -A
lecture was being delivered In a
village hall. The folly of every form
of gambling was to be exposed once
and forever I
^ The chief speaker, stamping up and
down the platrorpi, specially erected
'ii for the occasion, launched forth into
the very heights of rhetoric.
**Bebold~ the serpent of gambling 1"
he shouted. "See his hungry fangs,
ready to strike 1 But 1 will crush
him I" i
Down came his heel upon the Imaginary
viper. There was a rending of
timbers and the speaker disappeared.
It was a select audience, however,
and not a titter was heard as he scrambled
Into view. But the voice of a
mall boy broke the awful silence.
"Please, mister," he asked, meekly,
"h*ve you killed the serpent?"
.1 "7
Plants introduced Here
Explorations in southern China,
? Burma and Slanr,resulted In the collection
of trees ttom which chaulmoogm
oil, a successful specific for
leprosy, Is obtained, and the establlsh
lag of those trees In the American
tropics. Numerous varieties of Chinese
chestnuts have been Imported for
' vesting for blight resistance In the
hope that they will repluce the rapidly
disappearing American species.
Many native Chinese apples, pears^
cherries, plnros and roses were alao
obtained, which, because of their vigor
and hardiness, will be of special Interest
to plant breeders. Varieties of
barley and wheat likely to . prove of
value at high altitudes or for growing
nnder dry-farming conditions In the
i western states have also been Introduced.
Heard
Truth for Once
I saw a mighty queer fight In town
this afternoon," related Farmer Furrablegate,
upon his return from the
county seat- 5 "A .fat young feller and
'.... a thin old one ? mighty neae attaround
the public square tumbling
down, roiling around getting up and.
whacking away at eadb other some
, more, and so on." "Mercy aakes 1"
ejaculated his wife, "What was the
' fight aboutT "That was the funny
part. Both said they weren't fighting
far the prlnHple of the thing, but b'cus
one had cheated the other out of $2."
?Kansas City Star.
**Barebones" a Nickname
?- A so-called parliament of England
was summoned by Oliver Cromwell aft
er he had made himself supreme In the
three kingdoms of England, Scotland
and Ireland. Cromwell Summoned 122
- persons whom he thought he could
manage. One member was a Puritan
nafood Barbon, and this name, extended
Into barebone, was applied In ridicule
to the assembly which became
known as "Barebone's parliament"
K was suddenly dissolved on Decem:
; J l Mr 1663.
-': First Comic Papers
The first comic journal was the Merrle
Mercuric, which was established in
!?oadon 226 yearn ago. its existence
we very brief.
During the following 150 rears a
number of humorous weeklies were
- - -etarted to England, and the Scemrge.
founded to i8ii. enjoyed a brief pop*
riterUy, bQt It wan not until 18U toes
Punch waa bom
v>: vHHtfv' " ! '
? Hj-z-?' .. -
, i
By MCK WOODFORD
. .'J' . ' ' 1 nTT" j
<??. Itfl, W??Uro N#w?p?t*r bitten.)
a axoLD- weight poked at m?
uuppsr lung Hfter bis wife and
five-year-old buy had finished ttielrt?.
Opposite htm, at the table, tin- little
boy whs playing with the works out of
un old alarm clock/ Snatching away
Ilia Hock, lio sold, crossly: MI)a yuii
wanl to cut your Angers off?"
"Dear," Inserted his, wife, mildly,
"something's troubling you tonight;
don't lose putlence with the baby, Just
because y/u're put out about something."
"Don't you understand," said the
man Irritably, "that there js tunnense
power exerted upon dome of those cogwheels;
don't you know that If property
geared up, the werks out of an
old alarui clock would lift a piano?
It'i all a matter of glaring und leverage.
Suddenly the mun stopped speaking
and banged his flat upon the table
so that every dish uppo it Jumped , ad
Inch. Grabbing his hat he hurried out.
Not until morning did he return.
"Morning, Honey," he sang out
cheerily as he entered the dining room,
and then added*: "I was grouchy last
ntght, Honey, because old Milton and
your father were ragging me again.
Your old man said when w% got married?that
I'd never get any more accommodation
at his bank as long as
I was hi business here and?"
"Yes, Just because he wanted me to
marry that fifty-year-old Milton ; why
I wouldn't?" ? ?
"Yes, yes, but don't worry, dear, I
think I've got them both, going now,
though, Just you wait. You see, yesterday
afternoon I was walking along
Main Ktreet, on the way to the shop,
when I passed Milton's show rooms,
apd what do you think he has up. there
In his window?" '
"Another price cut on his cars?"
"No, the price of them 1s boosted.
He's got up a sign over one of the
Packway engines exposed to view right
close to tile window, It reads:
'"Here Is the Packway engine; the
Packway does not run on Us reputation/-?
??- 4+rr-? ~
"Of course, I being the only other
automobile-dealer In town, natorallyr
. . And L noticed people laugliIng
at me all day; you know there's
an old one about the Lord 'running on
Ita reputation.' Naturally everyone
takes it for a Joke on me. What with
your father refusing to give me any
credit at the bank to keep a stock of
cars on hand, and Milton poking fun
at the Lord ertr from" morning till
bight. Lwas pretty Mue Inst night,
especially as orders aren't coining In
as they should." .... . ~"It's
a trick of father's and Mr. Milton's
to make things hard for Sis;
we'll move to some other town."
"WdUl stay right here* and, let's see.
whnt was It that wise cracker said In
the last booklet from the factory. Oh.
yes: 'Early to bed, early to rise:
work like h?1 and advertise.' Well,
we're going to do? the last mentioned,
anyway?I've bought a last year's used
Pack Way. to advertise with."
"A Packway tovadveri!se with. Why.
what?? Arnold grinned.
"Never ndnd, you'll see?and I've
put new bearings in It; that's what I
was working on lHSt night. I've got
the bearings fixed up so smooth that
you can push It hack and forth on the_
garage froor like a perambulator."
"But, dear, why not fix up a Lord
car to advertise with; you're selling
the Lord, you know, not the Packway."
"Yes, I know; but these are days
of broad constructions. It's the fashion
nowadays not to knock your competitors'
car, so J've pUt a nice new
set of bearings Jn this Packway and
fixed it all up fine?"
For several nights Arnold worked
late and long at the garage. And just
na it looked as though everything were
going along fine a letter came from
the factory saying that no more oars
woul4 h* *ont on consignment unless
signed orders could be exhibited for
them in advance. It looked like the
end of the Lord agency In Delray, but
Arnold forced a smile and remembered
the last throw-of dice- he had
left In the box; tomorrow, he reasoned.
_LlLJhave_ plenty of orders.
The following day down at the end
of Main street ,h little crowd began
to form. Far down the street something
could be seen moving very
slowly. The crowd began to laugh,
and then to cheer,-'for, making Its way
along on the asphalt pavement. In a
leisurely but sure fashion came a
brand-new Lord car, and behind It at
inched on a tow rope n dilapidated
last-year's Packway car. The hood of
the L<n*d enr had been rcinovcdrw
that all might see that there was no
engine Inside, Hnd up above the enr
was n large sign bearing the legend.
"Here We Go on Our Ilepiitntlon."
Even Banker Thomas got the humor
of the thing and the factory wired
on for details concerning the unique
advertising stunt. Orders a plenty
found their way Into the Lord agency.
"Simplest thing In the world," ex
plained Arnold to bis wife that nlgln
at the supper table "I Just took out
everything but the starter motor and
the battery, gave the battery an extra
heavy charge, and fitted In a set of
traction gears which developed the
power from the starter motor to the
point where It almost equaled the
power of four cytlnders, although, of
course, due to *?>e gearing, I could
make little or no speed; pulled thai
old Packway from one end of Main
street to the other, with no-motor
? trader c* Mt* IN running purs* an
reputation, plus."
South Carolina "yXlitentUry, died at
the home of hia sob in Columbia WodBMday
evening. He w the father
of the lato Dr. L. A. Griffith/former
moyor of Columbia, who died on July
lHtji, Colonel Griffith wAs a native of
Ntmbtrry.
A medical treatise 400 years old,
found recently in Btrassburg, - Germany,
classifies as brain food: fried
fowl, fresh poached eggs (not boiled,
fried or scrambled), apples, quince,
bacelnuts and red wine.
" f
CANDIDATES SPEAK HERE
, '
(Continued from First Page)
poll tax on women. Our womeg are
home makers and are already burdened
by the taxes on fathers, brothers
and husbands. The appropriation bill
reached ten millions of dollars?rise
up as you did behind Tiilman and
strike down the money changers,
"The tax commission baa more
power over South Carolina than the .
czar of Russia ever had over bis sub)|Wt?^
It should be stricken down and
its duties placed in the comptroller
general's office."
He then spoke of consolidating various
departments so as to reduce
running expenses} favored taking the
highway commission appointments
out of the governor's hands add allowing
the peopl^ to elect them. He
declared that ona employee of the
highway department had confessed to
taking $17,000 and was >no,w somewhere
in Florida. "If 1 'am elected
governor, I will use my efforts to
have him brought back and make him
break rocks."
I C. Blackwood, after speaking in
favor of economy "all along the line,"
the enforcement of law and some
form of relief for agriculture, turned
to the tax situation and said: uljiequality
in taxation and harmony do
not dwell in the same house," declaring
that inequality in the distribution
of the tax burden was at the root of
the^nrest. He spoke of securities
which are escaping taxation, holding
that there should be a constitutional
amendment to remedy this situation.
"When this actidn is taken, there will
be rto need of special taxes.
"The gas tax is a fair tax?it is
spent on the roads. The more you
use the roads, the heater the tax you
pay. The income tax, too, ' is all
right.
""But we have another species of
tax?the luxury tax?the tax on tobacco
and the tax on soft, drinks.
There are many people who hold that
since these things are not necessary
we ought to impose a penalty on people
for using them and annoy the
little store keepers by requiring them
to keep an acocunt of these taxes.
"There have been those who would
have you believe I am endowed with
large financial resources?some Indeed,
having heard it,-1 suppose, have
come to me and asked for work. ;
"I had a few pictures of myself
taken and they were displayed in
public places. Some would make you
believed that I received some great
sum of money from some great
source. Some are using insidious expressions
as regard my candidacy. ^
"I have not received one cent, except
through borrowing from banks
and friends?and the sum I have borrowed
is a little spm. T'he only promises
I have' made nro the promises
you have heard me make here."
"There is no serious storm about
this soft drink situation," said John
T. Duncan when he arose to speak.
"If the candidate who has just sat
down doesn't have a truck load of
soft drinks, on ice, from now on, we
won't vote for him." ' ~ y^\
In light bantering, fashion, Mr. Duncan
spoke of the "good quantTes" oT
the "boys" in the race; "so good! are
those qualities that they ought to be
left at home. If they were to get
the governorship they would'nt know
what to do with it." ' >:.y 1
"These boys," Mr. Duncan said, "all
talk taxes by orders, bht they are
forbidden to mention the power trust.
> The speaker, in referring to Mr. '
Richards, another gubernatorial''candidate,
said 'he, as a member of the
railroad commission, had voted for ft ;
10 cent bus fare, "trying to kill the
suburbs of Columbia," and he discussed
at some length the traffic situation
in Columbia. . * ^
"I offer you a remedy for tfcxes. 1
Nobody wants the tax taken off
coca-cola for they know the tax would
then be put on them. I suggest a
tax on water power." ; v/ -'}
E. H. Jackson, after referring to.1
hia familiarity with the operation of
the government and his consequent
ability to prevent overlapping in various
departments, outlined his plan
Tor reducing expenses.
"I propose to talk to you about the
subject uppermost in your minds?
the problem of indirect taxes," he
n . r . * *
. want a tax placed on coca-cola.
The question before you Is whether
the people of the state shall rule or
whrtfc.r U?y .!? I*, by ?t Z
ernment ov.r to1!?!!
"By iiuidiou* methods the soft
drink people attempt to control the
ttfr? Tbey **nd out e??'Wen.
th?^^J*t'kMn" non,r
"Vou farmers know you pay all t?e
t?x xpu can and live-- the merchant*'
Htocka are taxed -fan,t* and homes
arc taxed, We know we have got to
keep the school houses open. You
can't take off this soft drink tax unle?s
you place it bn something else
or^ shorten our school terms. ?
I propose that all sources of revenue
be found and that if it be found
possible to remove some taxes, remove,
not the tax on soft drinks, but
the taxes on farms and homes, so thai
they will not be taxed for state purposes.
I
Will you vqtp for a man whose]
picture is on top of coca-cola stands ?
?They have a right to put those
pictures there, but will you vote for
the man whose likeness appears on
those cards ? s j
"Jackson will never take the taxi
off coca-cola," ?j
Mr. Jackson then discussed the tax |
commission, and his plan to force it]
to publish "abatements" of taxfs and
referred briefly to the highway department.
George K. Laniy?Georgfc Kershaw
Laney, by the way~~appealed to the]
audience to "Get in a good humor a^dJ
Met George do it.' " After speaking]
of his set-vices in the general assembly
Mr. Laney discussed briefly the |
appropriation bill passed last year]
and declared that he stood for ecoft-l
omy and was. against a constitutional
convention. "We do not need a con-j
stitutional convention?we need an]
amendment to the constitution," he I
said. I
ftpOver a million dollars is raised by
the soft drink tax?# that tax be removed,
it will go on your homes, your]
mules, your farms." He declared
himself against revaluation, saying I
that it would cost the .state some
$400,000 to put it into effect. "Real!
estate," he said, "is not the place to I
go to get more taxes. '
You farmers had better watch out |
if you don't, they will run over you |
rough shod; The coca-cola organiza- I
tion is one of the most dangerous ever |
In South Cafolina^rfid it is not back- j
ing George Laney for governor,
either.' He then spoke of "claSsifi-l
cation as the solution of the tax sit-|
uation and declared himself in favor]
of impartial enforcement of the laws.)
After expressing himself as opposed
to biennial sessions of the legislature,
favoring frequent meetings,]
he spoke of the tax on lipsticks, con-j
tending that beauty unadorned was |
adorned the most and in this coxl-J
nection referred to MIce Cold Coca-1
Cola Blackwood." - V
Afteyeferring to .the power of the
governor as a leader of the people
and a former and creator 9f public ]
opinion. Mr. MdMahan discussed
economy and extravagance, the need
of more industries, more wages and j
additional production, holding that]
these three would settle the tax problem.
He was in favor of putting no|
tax on what he termed "dead", property?^'put
a tax on monopolies, on
incomes, oil luxuries," he said.
to,"My' friend*> .Chid Coca-Cola
Blackwood, seems to think that the
right to drink cpca-cola is as great
?3 the right "of free speech, as im- ]
portant as the right of trial by jury.
There is one issue in this campaign
all ethers are second to it. .It is
that of self rule, self government or |
government by the money: of the
coca-cola manufacturers." . H
Turqintf aside for a moment from
consideration of the soft drink tax,
lie discussed the effect of soft drinks
on tjie human system, and then he
said, "The coca-Cola conspiracy is a
conspiracy to control elections in
South Carolina. J exhibited a picture
which was being distributed from
coca-cola wagonNin a town. I fought
that picture was from Atlanta, but
now I find that Mr. Blackwood is
bearing that expense and when fce
itl iu ltemized expense account
with the comptroller . general, that
will show "up on the record.
i, J ! PCttpIe of this ***** want
the Candlers of Atlanta to have a
part m this state's elections, then
yop^are not the people I think yoV
f^irroll D. Nance, in opening his
address, declared that.he was no mudslinger,
- that he would not deal in
generalities but he would cast "the
cards, face up, on the table."
Mr Nance gave a brief sketch of
his life and his service to the state,
I the appropriation bill," he
mn\ for it
hv n ^ the bill
hirean? Ut Wm COm*
here and say where he will cut it It
inmAtr** Ulk' but htrd d<?. j
lS JlT M>p?Pri??ow? for schools
? the fight tol
direct taxes on luxuries. I'm tk?
that kllitj J, a&g
i
revaluation bill, which would have
put $ tax on property and relieve the
cigarette suckers* and dope slingers.
jV
{'Every penny of soft drink tax goes
to the schools. I put the tax on soft
drinks so as not to increase the ta*
oh farms." ? ~
Holding aloft a pack of cigarettes,
Mr. Nance said: "You pay a federal
tax of six cents on cigarettes an^ it
goes to the Northern soldiers jn the^
shape of pensions. We put a third of
that tax on tobacco and it contributes
to the support of bur Confederate
veterans." I have no apologies to
make for it.
"If elected governor, I will veto any
bill that comes to me that will take
off the tax on soft drinks and raise
the tax on farms even one quarter
of a mill."
Mr. Nance spoke of his fight for
an investigation of the affairs of the
state bank examiner's office and of
the death tff1 the bill in the senate
after it had passed the houfee.
"If elected, I purpose to go after
W. W. Bradley and Pope Matthews j
and others in the bank situation in'
Columbia, and if they are found
guilty of law violation, they will
serve their time."
The last speaker of .the day was
" "t;
;^mr-T- I I
D. A. G. Ouzty, who referred to Mr. V
Nance as the "chief high apostle of high
taxes in South Carolina." The' ''
appropriation bill, Mr. Ousts contend*
ed, carried^ with it its own criticism/
He spoke of his record in the s$ntrte-and~of"hlfl
6ftorfOb~ relfao&tta
appropriation bill. ;
"I tried to put the ta^dn the millionaire?they
wanted jt put on'%ie
brow of labor, said ltfftr did jiot pay
any tax hardly,. and tfo that's what
you got," he declared. '
Mr. Ouzts said he voted against the
revaluation bill and made an attack* <
on Mr. JacksOn forMjiS apjpoihtments
on the free conference committee
which considered the appropriation
bill.'
The banking situation capae in for
I some consideration; Mr. Ousts saying 1
fhat the trouble was that the banks
in Columbia wanted to Have all the '
monev.
-'./v* - - ?. * 4
In,conclusion, ho ;said he believed
in economy and made reference to his
cotton suit, which he said was grown
and manufactured- Hit ,?outh Carolina.
Despite the fact'that the spealrifig
continued for some three hours, the
crowd for the mo*t part remained
I until every speaker had made his ad|P%ffr
^ J
?
Vacation Time I
TRY THE COOL PLACES I
In the
\ SOUTHERN APPALACHIAN I
MOUNTAINS I
OF I
I '
WESTERN NORTH CAROLINA
EASTERN TENNESSEE
AND |
NORTH GEORGIA V '
"THELAND OF THE SKY" I
OR I. .
THE POPULAR BEACHES I
On the I
SOUTH ATLANTIC COAST I
REDUCED FARES I
~ TA I
IVj.-. . V*,.: v. -3 /.'? .1
SUMMER TOURIST RESORTS i
TICKETS ON SALE DAILY, BEGINNING MAY 15th
' GOOD UNTIL OCTOBER 31st I
Write for I
Summer Vacation Folder I
Consult Ticket Agant* I
I I
SOUTHERN RAILWAY SYSTEM |
THBiEn? Saturation Pchmt 3
for HoNesT Value- 1
I Build a product that the world needs,
better than the world expects, and 1
mounting sales will answer those
? who are constantly predicting a satDuring
the firgt eix^monais^of Oil* 1
This represents a gain of 49J per I
cent over the first six months of J925* I
and continues Dodge Brothers in 1
the enviable position of THIRD IN I
THE INDUSTRY.
For the three weeks ending July 1
I 23,862 motor cars and trucks were 1
I * delivered to customers?an increase 1
B ?? af-614-per cent uvei Uie amrpertgr'T j
last year, and impressive evidence fl
that Dodge Brothers great sales gain I
I I
I ways command a great and aver I
expanding market.
I DeLOACHE MOTOR CO. |
Camden, S. C. I