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Funerals Directed We supply the best of burial goods, con duct ' funerals and relieve faynilies and friends of many unpleasant duties ince dent to death. We are always prepared to serye those who need our service. B. R. McCREIGHT, CAMDEN, s, c. Shoes ! Shoes ! CHEAP FOR CASH Our stock is too large and for the next TEN DAYS we will save you money. There is not a piece of in ferior workmanship in any shoe in our stock. Buy a pair of GOOD SHOES and save money. Springs & Shannon PREPARE FOR Come to our store and allow us to help you in your preparations for hot weather. You will want, per haps, a refrigerator, a water cooler, window screens and wire, ice cream freezer* lawn mower, garden hose, etc. We have the beBt in these lines. For ex ample, we sell Ice Cream Freezers, Refrigerators, The Best Brand of Window Screens and Wire, and Garden Hose, Thoroughly Reliable Lawn Mowers* " r : \M 4 . : V . . ' ? ? ... We can fully equip your home and yard for the sum mer and sell you many things that will add to your comfort during the hot weather. Visit this store. Make it your headquarters for hardware. Malone - Pearce - Young Hardware Company ' or Best Service ? ? S E ft - ? J. B. ZEMP ? ? . ' . rJ* ? D R A Y A (iff "7* ?? Kerosine, Gasoline, v- ? f ? -?/*? : w ??<? ?? ~v\ Wood and Coal. A 8URE CURE. At the recent aurgeoot' convention In N?w York !tuun m. kw wem put in patients' Inside* to hold their stpin *chs up. wounda wers ?#wwi with #uw Ing machines and Dr. Alexis Cartel <*ui off doge' lege and fixed them OB I again with perfect ease and aueceaa." I "The way surgery ia progressing," j said Biiiieon ford in an awful voice. Sobody ne?d ever be given up any J re unless, indeed, it's the caae of poor old Hykes. "'There goes Sykea.' one- of . my clerks aaid to nie the oth *r day. 'Tberd goes otd mtt ftykes as halo and Jhaarty as he ever waa. And yet eight doctors have at variouB times given him up.' "'Ha. 'ha!' I lambed A??d yrhat did they give him up for, tleorge?' " 'tie wouldn't pay hia bllla,' the | elerk replied." Business. Motorist?* What's your name and | address? Victim?John 8 ? Smith ? 14? B? B ?Bean street. Motorist ? Righto, Smith- Can't stop now; tomorrow I'll call at your lioyse and try to convince you that you ahould Carry an accident policy In the company I re present. ? London Opinion. SCIENCE. First Pugilist (bis first banquet) What's this her? Roman punch they advertise on the bill of fare? ? Oecond Pugilist (also his first ban quet) ? Some new uppercut, I reckon. Explained. ,Wo heard about a woman once Wlio never did her neighbor knock; It seems she dwelt out In the Bea, Upon a high and lonely rock. . One Disability Removed. George Washington had written a courteous note to the distinguished .British general, asking him to surren der. s Hesitating a moment, he signed it: "Yr. Obt. Servt., G. Washington." "There was a time," he said, with a whimsical smile, Vwhen I. couldn't lie, but I seem to have outgrown' that weakness." Essentials. Cub ? I suppose the throe "R's" are still the essential foundation for a good newspaper? JJ. Editor ? Not op your life. It's the three "S'S" nowadays. . Cub? Three "S's"? Editor ? Yep. We've gpt to have a snappy editorial writer, , snoopy re porters, aud a snippy sodlety editress. ? Puck. Recording a Disturbance. Yeast? The professor told me that the seismograph shows some disturb* ance on the earth, laBt night. Crimsonbeak ? Yes, I can account for that. I got home late last night, and my wife found it out. Bound to Have it. j "He spent all his money on her a?d then she wouldn't marry him." "No, she married the fellow who wouldn't spend his money on her. That k as the only way she could get It." Its Case. "Revenge la a very paradoxical kind f affalr."r "Why so?" "Because a man who is on the outs rith another has it in for him." SHE HAD HI8 NUMBER. "Slower certainly talks a gr$at deal about himself, doesn't he?". "Yes. Ho evidently believes that tho most trifling topics may be made interesting if properly handled." Guile In thi Barnyard. Tho hen that cackles makes a fuss, Although too old to lay. ? - ?jrey ltecp tho TafffiCT T6oie<1^ ancTlfitts Fostpono tho fatal day. Following a Forrpula. "Poopla ought to c.Uooee their oppo site when they marry." "Well, did you do that?" "Yep. She lived right across the street from ma." * . TOO MUCH FOR THE REFEREE Had to Adrr.it He Woe Unable to Ds- ) clde as to Merit* of Famous Punsters. ft Tom Hood and Theodore Hook made a wager as to who could spring the beat pun, leaving the decision to Charles Mathews. The loaer waa to ?taud supper for the trie Scarcely bad tin; agr*'<ment been made when they espied ?* aignboard whereon tho owner, meaning to adver tise his beer, bad prlpM^Htetr aold here." "Ohol" said Hook. "1 suppusu that bear is his own bruin." "Good!" iiaid Mathews. "You'll have hard work If you're going to beat tbat, Master Thomas." "i dare say im'ii do it, though," said J Hook, "(9r you know he carries more ; than two4 faces under one hood. Don't | you, Tom?" At that moment, turning a sharp ooruer, they camo in night of a ainall, tumbledown house standing In, the uildst of a wretched little plot of well trampled grass, just In front of which wan a huge board with tho inscription, "Beware of tho dog." Hood looked cautiously round In all directions and, finding no dog any where visible, picked up a broken pleco of brick and scribbled this query underneath the warning, "Ware bo the dog?" "Well, I'll tell you what it la, my boys." said Mathews, "I can't decide between two such jokes as those, and, what's more, I'm not going to try; so we had better all go and sup to gether, and each one of us pay his own share."? The Sunday Magazine. HAS TWO PERIODS OF REST Division of Jlmo of 8lumber Prevent ed Breakdown of Man Worn Out by Overwork. Two hours In bed in the early ore ning is the latest health recipe for the busy man whose day begins early in the morning and lasts till late at night. The "treatment," which consists simply of going to bed from 5 till 7 o'clock, was deacribiiU by. a medical, man who prescribed it for u business j man whose manifold interests had been compelling him to crowd A-two i days' work into one, to the detriment of his health. "My patient now has two distinct days and two distinct recuperation periods <fvery twenty-four hours," the doctor explained. "He begins work with his secretary an hour bo fore most business men are think ing of getting up in the morning. At five o'clock in the afternoon his first day's work ends and he goes to bed for t)vo hours' complete ro.Ht. At sev en o'clock ho is up again, bathes, dresses and dines. He is then fresh for another four or five hours' busi ness or social duties. His two rest, periods combined give. hlj? ...almost nine hours in bed. The 'patient' gets through a greater amount o I work and enjoys better health," Justified His Opinion. Alexander Pope was one of the first Englishmen to decry the pun. It was, he said, a species of wit so triflingly easy that he would engage to make one on apy subject proposed off hand. "Well, then, Mr. Pope," said a wo man in the company, "make one on keel hauling." . Quick as a flasA he replied, "That, madame, is indeed putting a man un der a hardship." . ? Spence, who tells this anecdote, deems it well to explain that "keel hauling is drawing a man under a ship." He then falls into an ecstasy of admiration. "What a ready inven tion must the man have had!" he cries. "One could hardly have found a more crabbed word to exercise the punster's faculty." ? The Sunday Maga zine. Lost Opportunities. We miss a good many opportunities bccauso we do not recognise them. They do not come at the time expect ed, nor ip the way wo look for them. A great many of them are disguised, because that is the only way they can ever get inside the gat* ef our preju dices. A great many come and go, holding out hands fall of good things to us, but we shut our eyes until they are gone. We have & notion that pur chief business is to get away from care; or keep care away from us, and yet under the name and face of care many of our best life-building oppor tunities come to us. ? The UniverSal 1st Leader. Higher Mathematics. "Dad, you're pretty good at mathe matics, ain't you?" as\ed the hope (and despair) of the family. "I ? I used to be," confessed old Bill Payer, scenting danger. "Well, where a sidetrack and a main track join they form an angle, don't tbey?'r * "Yes." "Well, if a wreck should tear up the track right there would it be a rect angle?" Economy. ^ ; 'It seems strange' to me that you i should book your passage to Europe on' Buch a slow stetfther," roraarked Giver to his friend Grinder; "a lower fare certainly would be no inducement i to a man of your means." "My boy," replied Grinder, "I .have i mado my millions by always seeing that ? got the fuU worth cf my^aohey. ; If I can get ten dpya* board *on tho ! ocean for leg's money than five would cost, why shonhJn't I take^U?'.' SAWYER'S KID 1 KNOW WHERETOl <3tT THEMCPICINg] OUR DRUG STORC 'LQOkI out) /IvttJC Little folks will commit indiscretions? big folks, too. You will be sure to need remedies for sum mer complaints. Get them while you think of it, A little delay will cause a great deal of pain, and even death may come before you get the doctor and the medecine. You should, at all times, have in the house, remedies for summer complalhts. Come to OUR Drug Store Sawyer Drug Company PURE ICE " CREAM Foreign and Domestic FRUITS Home-Made Candies Vegetables CIGARS, CIGARETTES, AND TOBACCOS Camden Candy Kitchen TELEPHONE 78 SELL. DO YOU WANT TO j BORROW 1 May Help You. LAURENS T. MILLS, CAMDEN, S. C. IF YOU EXPECT to buy a Ford this Spring or Summer and not ready: to Jake it now* please place your order with me now for future delivery so f that 1 cao provide for your wants. 1 ex pect to have a complete line of the follow ing in stock by May 2nd. All sizes of hrestone caseings and inneT tubes, apark phi g^c chains and-Ford parts, etc. D. C. SHAW ?-? The FORD Man SUMTER, S. cT